November 25, 2024

Winning Him Without Words: Travel The Road of Forgiveness

_______________________

Bitterness, resentment and anger over unmet needs. These are all kindling for unforgiveness and I have gathered them all. When someone does something that hurts me, I am unable to tell them. Confrontation is too difficult for me. I am a “nice” person and a “nice” person does not argue or complain. That is unless you are my husband. When he does something to irritate me, I’m all about letting him know about it. It’s that “word” thing again! My mouth opens like a flood gate and all sorts of “you should’ve known better” and “you don’t care about me” accusations come bursting out. In the world, people say releasing that anger is cleansing. But not me. After I lose my temper I am left with feelings of guilt. I know I shouldn’t act that way and I am embarrassed of my actions. That guilt turns into resentment towards my husband because if he hadn’t made me mad in the first place, I wouldn’t be feeling so lousy now. So I stay angry, resentful and bitter and can’t even fathom forgiving my husband for making me angry.

Ugh. How exhausting that kind of marriage can be. So to change this endless cycle I have had to pray, and I’ve had to pray HARD because forgiveness is hard! When you feel jilted your human instinct is to get even, it’s the insult for insult, eye for an eye mentality. But God doesn’t want you to act like that. He wants you to give it to Him!

Especially when you are trying to speak with your unbelieving spouse. I recently had a discussion with a friend who is an unbeliever. I was astounded that he truly does not believe in God and I know he was just as perplexed with my views. It makes it very hard to have a civil discussion when both sides believe so strongly in their views, doesn’t it? Insulting, angry words will be tossed around, tempers will escalate, feelings will get hurt. Things may be said that are very hard to forgive. And like I said above, forgiveness is hard, but not if you ask God for his help. Turn to Him and tell him of your hurts and ask Him to help you forgive your husband. By turning to God you are given the power of the Holy Spirit and through Him you can do all things! Even forgive!

When you forgive you gain freedom. Freedom from the hurt feelings, freedom from the frustration and anger. He takes it all from you and leaves you free to just love your husband as he is, because after all, that is what God wants us to do. He doesn’t want you to worry about your unsaved spouse anymore. Leave that to God & be your husbands fine linen rope.

Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, forgiveness is a hard thing to do, but we know how important it is, not only for a healthy marriage, but also for a healthy mind and body. Unforgiveness can eat away at us like a cancer if we let it. Reveal to us Lord the areas of unforgiveness in our marriage and help us to give them to You. Help us to heal from the past hurts and replace that pain with the feeling of freedom! In your precious name, Jesus, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Below I’d like you to talk about an area of unforgiveness in your marriage that  you may be holding onto. We will all pray with you to release it to God!

Godspeed,

Sarah

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the Winning Him Without Words Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “Sign-Up Here” button located at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Winning Him Without Words: Move from Hurt to Healing – The Seasons of Marriage

The four seasons (spring, summer, fall and winter)….are they different?

Let’s name some differences we notice as each season comes around:

Spring – the sun rises in the earlier hours of the morning and begins setting later in the afternoon, the days begin to get slightly warmer, spring flowers start to appear, birds start building their nests, some days are cold enough to still get snow and yet some days are warm enough to play out in the garden.

Summer – the days are warmer and longer, we have to protect our skin from the harmful sun rays by using sunscreen, the weather is drier/humid, in some areas it is so hot we can hardly breathe.

Fall – days become shorter, evenings become cooler in the evenings, leaves fall off of trees, strong winds, lot of rain, hurricane season.

Winter – the days are shorter and very cold, sometimes we wake up to find frost or ice, sometimes it rains, sometimes we have sleet and snow.

As each season approaches we experience how our world can be turned upside down, revealing something different as each one comes and goes.

This is the same with our marriages, we have seasons with it too! I love the way Lynn talked about walking thru her garden looking for hints of new growth. How her garden is a marker of sorts, how her garden is a reflection of her marriage journey.

Let’s explore our seasons of marriage and check  and see if we need to do some planting, some pruning, some weeding, spreading the necessary fertilizer so that growth (healing) can occur.

Let’s look at the beginning season of our marriage – I am gonna call this the ooey gooey romantic season – this is the season where we look at each other all the time with “that look” you know the look I am talking about, the one that says you are mine forever and as long as we are together…no matter what we do or look like our life will be perfect forever! Yep these are the early years of marriage, the years that we think we can conquer anything that comes our way, that we have this marriage thing made in the shade, however, there is something that we don’t think about this season at first but it is filled with nervousness, confusion and hurts that we don’t notice at first because we are so preoccupied with “getting married” and being in-love that we didn’t notice the other stuff that was already there.

Now we slowly move into another season of marriage – I will call this the drown or float season…kids have now come into our lives, more bills have come our way, more duties like sports activities-dance classes, stresses on kids to have the name brand clothing and all the new fan-dangled electronics, kids start driving….

Oh and now we move into the next season—kids are out on their own, maybe you have retired, you made it through everything your marriage seasons brought your way so far, you started with your marriage of 2, then onto a family of 4, now back to the 2 of you again. You now sit across the room looking at your sweet geezer and you notice the grey hairs, the wrinkled face and your mind wanders back to all the seasons of your marriage you have had up to now—and you experience how rich the soil in your garden has truly been—you are now sensing the need to have a tilling season…..

As you sit and look at your husband you begin to look down the rows(the seasons) of your marriage and how you were growing in your faith with God and you were growing your children in your faith with God and yet one row of your marriage was not growing with the same speed as the other rows were,  as a matter of fact those rows were what is called “stunted growth”.   The more you learned about Jesus the more you wanted your husband to know and learn.   You wanted to come together in this area of your marriage and bring a harvest “together”, and yet you were doing it all alone…not together like in your ooey gooey season.

You felt lonely even though you weren’t alone, because you now have God.  The old hornworms(Satan) is always waiting for this time  in our marriage so that he can destroy what God is trying to bless, and when we remain in God’s row we discover the power of growth in us and our marriage.

We push pass the lonliness the hurts we experience, we begin cultivating, pruning and reshaping what old smut face is trying to destroy.   We put new soil(God’s Word) in our souls, this is how our season of hurt to healing reveals its power in our marriage.

Our husbands may still be in the row of stunted growth because he hasn’t chosen to move over to the row where Christ is but every season of marriage we go through together is worth the wait, worth every struggle we may face, worth the day-by-day effort we put into making our marriage grow—-but getting to the day of HARVEST means we have some walking to do through our garden(our marriage) looking for signs of new growth, staying on a seek and destroy mission to weed out the worms, traveling through (the rows) the road of forgiveness…..then and only then will we see A HARVEST and survive this season.

Let’s Keep cultivating our marriages and bring home a harvest (our husband) to God…God can use us to till, to plant, to prune, to weed and to spread the fertilizer that our husbands and our marriages need!

Let’s Pray:

God I pray that you show each of us how to cultivate new soil this week in our marriage, in Your name I pray.  Amen!

Your assignment:

Share with us what your season of marriage looks like and how you will cultivate it in order to help bring home a harvest.

Love you all and Happy Thanksgiving,

Beverly

 ____________________

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Winning Him Without Words: Key #8 – Move from Hurt to Healing – Seasons of Marriage (Reading Assignment)


I am really looking forward to this week’s chapter. There is a lot to dig into and what better time to talk about forgiveness in our marriages than during Thanksgiving week? The time we sit down with our loved ones to give thanks for all that we have. Take some time to soak in this chapter as your go about your Thanksgiving preparations. Ask God to meet you where  you are and for His help to overcome any unforgiveness you are experiencing.
________________

Here is your Reading Assignment for this week!

Nov 19
2 Cor 1:3 Move from Hurt to Healing – Seasons in Marriage
– Beverly

Nov 20
Travel the Road of Forgiveness
– Sarah

Nov 21
A Front Row Seat / Discovery / Prayer
–  Martha

Nov 22
*Special Blog Post – Thanksgiving Traditions
— Jennifer

Nov 23
*Special Blog Post – Thanksgiving Traditions
— Jennifer

 

_____________

Let’s Pray: Lord, forgiveness is hard. But we know that we are commanded to forgive because you first forgave us. Help us to lay aside our own feelings and to truly forgive our spouse for any wrongdoing they may have committed against us. Please heal the bitterness and resentment that have taken root in our hearts which have prevented us from forgiving. Reveal your will to us, Father. Meet us where we are as we go into this week. Give us peace and strength and help us to place our full trust in You. In Jesus name, Amen.

Blessings,

Jennifer

*****

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Saturdays with Shandy: Christmas Edition! Distressed Wooden Sign

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas! If you joined us during our last six weeks, your house is sparkling clean and organized! The hard work is behind us; now it’s time to have fun! For the next five weeks, we will meet here every Saturday for tutorials on homemade Christmas gifts, crafts, and decorating! Turn up the Christmas music, and let’s get started!

This week, we are making distressed wooden signs. I’ve been making signs for years, and they are wildly popular! You can make them in any size and color you want, and with any name or quote you’d like! The versatility makes them not only beautiful decor, but wonderful gifts as well… and inexpensive, too!

Materials:

  • wood (reclaimed wood, pallets, or pre-cut wood from a home improvement store)
  • base color paint (color of your choice) I used a barn red acrylic paint from the craft store. Only $1.19, yay!
  • lettering paint (color of your choice) I used black acrylic paint from the craft store.
  • paint brush
  • stencil sponge (spouncer)
  • paper plates
  • letter stencils
  • fine grit sandpaper
  • sawtooth picture hangers (1 or 2 depending on size of sign. Nails are included.)
  • hammer
  • hair dryer
  • newspaper or paper bags

Instructions:

  1. Put your piece of wood on top of newspaper to protect your table. Make sure it is free of dust and DRY. If it’s too rough, you will need to sand it down a bit, and then wipe away the dust.
  2. Shake your base color paint and squirt a good amount on a paper plate (you may want to double up the plates.)
  3. Using a dry paint brush, paint the top and sides of the sign. The key is thin layers! You don’t want drips or dollops.
  4. Allow to dry. I’m impatient, so I use a hairdryer on low to dry the paint. It only takes a minute or two this way.
  5. Paint a second thin coat on the sign, and dry.
  6. Lay out your stencils… planning is important! You don’t want to run out of room with a letter or two to go! For this reason, it’s good to know what you want your sign to say BEFORE you buy your wood.
  7. Shake your lettering paint and squirt a small amount on a new paper plate.
  8. Press your spouncer in the paint, then press it down on a clean part of the plate. Again, you don’t want to put too much paint on your sign, and you don’t want your paint to seep under the stencil.
  9. Place your stencil on the wood, and holding it perfectly still, in an up and down motion, use your spouncer to paint each letter. You will need to use the hair dryer to dry each letter before moving on to the next one, and when removing your stencil from the wet paint, carefully lift it UP. Do not slide it off.
  10. Continue stenciling your letters until your name or phrase is complete.
  11. When the sign is completely dry, take the fine grit sandpaper to distress the sign, especially the edges and at random spots on the front of the sign. The goal is to make it look aged and the letters somewhat faded.
  12. Using a soft cloth, remove any trace of dust from the sign, then nail the picture hangers onto the back of the sign… either one in the middle, or one on each end. Your sign is now ready to hang, or to give away as a gift!

*Not for outdoor use.

Love and Blessings,

Shandy

You can visit Shandy’s personal blog at Aprons-n-Pearls.blogspot.com

Winning Him Without Words: Weekly Review

Hello!  This week, since Martha is out of town, I will be offering our Weekly Review of Chapter 7 of Winning Him Without Words!  I hope you don’t mind!  I know Martha has been doing an amazing job with your Weekly Review, and I can only hope I come close!! 🙂

__________

 

__________

Monday:  Beverly shared on the blog.

  • She began by asking the question, “Is it really necessary to win an argument?”  Then she asked “why?”
  • We all have things to learn from some of these battles we go through but we need to discern the unimportant issues and as we have all heard before “simply agree to disagree” with our husband.
  • Our husband needs to see that God has changed us.
  • We need to surrender our need to win a battle and instead embrace and surrender our marriage.
  • Let’s be the peacemaker and let Christ handle all the rest!
  • It’s OKAY to agree to disagree!!

Tuesday:  Jennifer shared on the blog.

  • We all have certain ways of acting and reacting to situations and events in our lives.
  • when hurt, pain, bitterness, and anger take root inside, instead of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and goodness, the Lord cannot do His work in you.
  • Jesus is not going to force you to live in negative emotions.  However, He does not want you to live there!
  • Letting Jesus in to begin transforming your marriage means that He is going to start by transforming YOU, not your husband.
  • This change means loving our husbands with the unconditional love that Jesus pours out on us.
  • God can change your marriage. HE CAN. But it starts with YOU!

Wednesday:  Donna shared on our blog.

  • Death and life are in the power in the tongue, and we will eat its fruit.  Proverbs 18:21
  • We must speak our words carefully.
  • We have the ability to tear down or build up.
  • We will give an account on the day of judgement for every careless word we have spoken
  • The Father feeds us words of LIFE!
  • We should purpose every day to be more like our heavenly Father and speak life words to our husbands.

Thursday: Sarah shared on our blog.

  • A woman uses about 20,000 words per day while a man uses about 7,000.
  • Men are physical beings. The show their emotions through doing, not talking.
  • When it comes to arguing, our words can become mind numbing to our men.
  • When there is a conflict in your marriage that needs to be discussed, it is wise to discuss it with God first.
  • Your husband will listen harder and comprehend more if you are not droning on and on without ever making a clear point.
  • Choose words of “faithfulness, loyalty, friendship and honor”.
  • How do you speak to yourself? Are you continually beating yourself up?
  • God created you to be exactly who you are. You are a woman of God. You are beautiful in his eyes, inside and out.
  • You are now a new body in Christ and He has such great things planned for you!

And that leaves us with Friday… today! I want to finish this week by sharing with you the prayer that Lynn wrote at the end of this chapter.  I believe it says a lot more than I ever could!  I hope you have enjoyed this book, so far.  We have just a few more weeks left and we will then take a break for the Christmas and New Year’s holidays.  We will be sharing a preview of our next study with you soon.  So be sure to continue to check in with us daily!

Let’s Pray:

Father, today I surrender my husband wholly to You.  I am relinquishing my desire to save my husband, and I ask You to take Your rightful place in seeking and saving him for eternity.

Lord, show me the areas of conflict I need to stand upon as well as issues I can surrender and trust You to handle.  You tell us in Your Word that if we need wisdom, we should ask You for it and You will be generous in giving it to us. (James 1:5)

Lord, place in my mind Your wisdom that I may be the peacemaker and the one to help resolve conflict with my spouse.  Jesus, our words have the power of life and death, of cutting and healing.  Form this day forward, place a new awareness in my heart to be mindful of the words I speak to others.  Place Your words in my conscious and unconscious mind so that only words that are good and pleasing come from my lips.

Lord, “may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight”.  (Psalm 19:14)

In Your powerful name, Jesus.  AMEN!

 

Be blessed & Be a Blessing to Others,

Christi

_____________

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Winning Him Without Words: Speak Words of Grace/Receive Grace

Speak Words of Grace

Words. Boy do women use their words! Dr. Louann Brizendine, clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco states in “The Female Brain” that “A woman uses about 20,000 words per day while a man uses about 7,000.”  The poor guys can barely get a word in edge wise! But ya know what, I think they prefer it that way. Remember what we learned a few chapters back, men are physical beings. The show their emotions through doing, not talking.

But not us, ladies. We will talk until the cows come home, or at least until we think our point is made, whichever comes first. When it comes to arguing, our words can become mind numbing to our men. After awhile, they just shut down & try to find a retreat! That is why it is important for us to find the right words to convey what we are trying to say. When there is a conflict in your marriage that needs to be discussed, it is wise to discuss it with God first.

“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” Proverbs 17:27

Ask God to give you the right words to reach your husband, to help him to understand your point of view. Use fewer words and words that hold meaning. Your husband will listen harder and comprehend more if you aren’t droning on and on without ever making a clear point. Just because you are disagreeing on something does not mean you have to use hurtful and insulting words either. Choose words of “faithfulness, loyalty, friendship and honor” like Dineen learned to do. Remember what Dineen’s friend shared with her: The words of his queen make him a king. That has really stuck with me and makes me want to really choose my words wisely. To seek God for his guidance before even pursuing an issue with my husband. I am making James 1:19 my new mantra:

 Understand this, my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.

Receive Grace

Alright, now we know how to speak words of grace to our husbands, but how do you speak to yourself? Are you continually beating yourself up? Telling yourself you aren’t pretty, smart or thin enough? Are you still hanging onto regrets from your past? Well I am here to tell you to stop!

Ladies, let’s address this self-image problem first. God created you to be exactly who you are. You are a woman of God. You are beautiful in his eyes, inside and out. Don’t put down God’s creation!! My nose is a bit large for my face, but I love it because I inherited it from my grandfather. My grandfather has been gone for 11 years, but I still can see him in ME and that gives me great comfort. Can you do that? Can you take one of your “problem areas” and embrace it?

And what about regrets. I’ve had a few… to quote Frank Sinatra. Who hasn’t! None of us are perfect and a lot of our regrets are part of the growing up process. I held onto some regrets for a long time because of my tendency to dwell in guilt. But one day God just shook me up and told me He knew I was going to do those less than pleasing things before I did them. It was all part of my life’s path. Without those regrets, I would have nothing to learn and grow from. God knows you, he knows everything you will do or say before you do it because He has painted your path ahead of you. Ask for His forgiveness and he will give it to you in an instant. But the kicker is, you then have to believe you are forgive and MOVE ON. You can’t keep coming back to it over and over because that is telling God you don’t truly believe you are forgiven. Meditate on this verse for help:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old is gone, the new has come.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Repent and believe he has restored you. You are now a new body in Christ and He has such great things planned for you!

Let’s Pray

Dear Lord, Life and death is by the tongue. Help us to learn this lesson and take hold of its meaning. Put a guard on our tongues and a filter in our minds before we speak so that every word coming from our mouth is one that is pleasing and affirming to you. We love you, Lord and want to speak only the words that are sweet to your ears. In Jesus precious name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

One word I have deleted from my vocabulary is “hate”. I no longer say things such as “I hate my thighs” or “I hate so & so”. That word has always been a strong and mean word to me and I just don’t want to put it out into the world. What are some words you can delete from your vocabulary?

In our house we do not say “I can’t.” We can always try our best, but we will never start off by saying “I can’t.”  What are some words you can delete from your marriage?

Godspeed,

Sarah

**********************************************

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Winning Him Without Words: Let’s Have a Word

The tongue can bring death or life;

those who love to talk will reap consequences.

Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

The verse for today really intrigued me, so I looked it up in the NAS version of the Bible. It sent me to two other verses:

Matthew 12:37  “For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” and also Proverbs 13:3  “The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin”.

They are all equally a warning to us. The truth is we must speak our words carefully. Not only for ourselves, but also for the ones we love. We have the ability to tear down or build up those whom we love on a daily basis. I know this for a fact, as I grew up in a house where there wasn’t a lot of building up.

In my home, as we grew up, there weren’t a lot of positive, encouraging words spoken. In fact, most of what we heard was very destructive to my life. I suffered self-esteem issues as a teenager and even into adult years. I never trusted anyone to really love me for myself until I met Jesus. When I met the Lord, I never knew anyone could love me unconditionally.  He had a lot to teach me!  But, as a result of my home life, I also suffered from depression and thoughts of suicide during the tumultuous teen years.

I also met my husband at a young age, too. Between him and God, I learned what real love was. Ronald seemed to genuinely love me through all of it. He was a rock for me and proved it over and over with words of love and encouragement whenever he could.  He made me feel I was worth something.  I didn’t always receive them; in fact I doubted them a lot!  But he meant every word he said!  He stuck with me through that time and is still here 35 years later!!

I also read a lot of scripture then and tried to focus on that.  I know that we really need to realize when, how, and what we speak because words touch us in ways that can be good or bad.  Things we say in anger can really hurt our husbands and loved ones.  I am a testament to that. Our relationships are shaped and nurtured through our words.

My son, who has gone through alcohol and drug abuse when he was a teen, said that had we not told him every day that we loved him and were praying for him daily during that time, he would not be here. We spoke life and healing words to his soul as often as we could, and I believe I still have my son because of those words.  That is how God speaks to us.

What words does the Father say to us that we can hang onto and speak to our spouses?

*Jeremiah 29:11 Tells us that He knows us and has a plan for our lives!

*1Peter 5:7  Tells us to cast our cares on Him for he cares for us affectionately and watches over us.

*Romans 5:8 Tells us that even when we still in sin God loved us and Christ died for us.

* Psalms 62:8 Says trust in Him and we can pour out our hearts to Him because he is our refuge.

* Psalm 147:3 Says He heals the broken hearted and binds up our wounds.

* Psalm 103:8 God is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

*Psalm 103:13 Says God shows us compassion just as a father would.

These are words form our loving God and Father! He speaks life and love to us throughout His word. Can we be any different? Unfortunately I am sometimes.  Matthew 12:36 says that “we will give an account on the day of judgement for every careless word we have spoken”.   That should give us pause to think before we speak.

I try, and often fail, to speak words of life and love to my husband everyday. I even text him throughout the day to let him know I’m praying for him. It’s an easy thing to do, so why don’t I do it all the time? Ladies can we purpose today to be more like our heavenly Father and speak life words to our husbands? It benefits him as well as us. It shows him you love him and are concerned for him.  It builds him up and in turn you are built up, as well.  That can only benefit your marriage if you build one another up.  And it gets easier the more you do it!

Like Lynn, I want my words to speak life and healing.  How about you?

________________________

Let’s pray:

Lord we thank You for the gift of words. We thank You that You love us through Your word. Help us to always speak life and healing to our husbands and shut our mouths when we are tempted to tear them down. Give us the right words at the right time to say. Thank You for being our example of what words can do. In Jesus name-Amen

Your Assignment:

I’ve already texted my husband and told him how much I appreciate his working hard and for the provision for our family. I know that is important to him.  What life words can you speak specifically to your husband, whether in a text, phone call, note, or even right to him, that will build him up and make his day? Comment below and show us how we can do the same.

I pray you all will have a life building day!

Donna

________________________

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Winning Him Without Words: A Transformed Life

Don’t copy the behaviors and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then  you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (Romans 12:2, NLT)

We all have certain ways of acting and reacting to situations and events in our lives. This is especially true with our husbands. A simple forgotten errand or a refusal to help with household chores could start World War III in our homes. Maybe you have experienced this – the hurt, the pain, the resentment, the bitterness, the anger. It eats away at you. And when these emotions take root inside, instead of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and goodness, the Lord cannot do His work in you. He cannot transform you.

Jesus is a gentleman. He is not going to force His way into any part your life. If you want to live with the negative emotions, you can. But, He does not want you to live there. He wants you to live an abundant life in your marriage. He wants you to have a beautiful, loving marriage, just as He intended back in the Garden. He wants that for you so very much.

But, my dear sweet friends, He cannot help you if you do not let Him.

Transform, Transformed (v) – to change the outward appearance of; to change in character or condition.

Letting Jesus in to begin transforming your marriage means that He is going to start by transforming YOU, not your husband. That is not an easy thing to swallow. There are not too many of us that enjoy change. It is difficult and scary. And this type of change is made more challenging because it will cause us to look at how we are acting and reacting to the situations and events in our lives and in our marriages. It will shape us and refine us and strip us of what we are desperately holding onto (remember those negative emotions?). This change will cause us to look at our daily battles in a new light.

And this change means loving our husbands with the unconditional love that Jesus pours out on us.

I know some of you may be reading this and thinking that you cannot get past the hurt, anger, or resentment that have been building up for years. I just want to tell you, and this goes for whether your husband is a believer or unbeliever, God can change your marriage. HE CAN. But it starts with YOU. It starts with you laying down all of the hurt at the feet of Jesus and asking Him to take over. Ask Him to show you what you can do. He will convict your heart through the Holy Spirit. He will teach you and mold you and shape you into the woman He designed you to be.

The question is: Are you ready to let Him do it?

Let the transformed life (and marriage) begin!

*****

Let’s Pray:

Father, today, right now I (insert your name) give my marriage over to you. I believe that You can transform me and my marriage into something amazing Lord and I trust you with all of it. Please give me a sense of peace and security as I begin this journey with you, Lord. Burn away anything that is not of You and fill me up completely with your Holy Spirit. Convict me of anything that is not pleasing in your sight. Show me how love my husband the way You love him, Lord, with an unconditional love. Provide me with strength and courage in Jesus name, Amen!

Your Assignment:

Taking the step to begin living a transformed life is not easy. It means doing everything differently. Did you pray that prayer and invite Jesus in to transform your marriage? How do you feel? Do you feel a change can happen? Comment below and tell me your thoughts. Then come over to the Secret Facebook group and let’s dig a little deeper into how we can transform our lives in a practical way.

Many Blessings on your day,

Jennifer

*****

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Winning Him Without Words: Pick and Choose Your Battles / Stand up or Shut up

Is it really necessary to win an argument?  Why do we want “to win”?

Do we feel that when we do, we have some kind of special power over the other person?

How many of us were/are like the little six year old in our lesson today, when we don’t win, we bawl(cry), we mouth words back to the person showing our total disappointment and we don’t stop doing these things until we get a point across to them in hopes to get a little reward in something.   Probably most of us can answer yes to this question/thought.

Each of us have something growing inside of us that likes “the victory” moments to occur, we like to be able to say “see there I did that” or “I won that”…..and for some reason we especially like to have those moments with our husbands for some reason.     We feel like when we win a battle that we have won the most ultimate gift of the day until tomorrow when something else happens and we are trying all over “to win again”.

I am here to say we will “NEVER” win, not the true gift anyway as long as we are just trying to win a “daily battle/conflict” in our marriage, because you see all those are just temporary “wins”, they have no meaning, they have no permanence, all they have is a temporary feeling and then they start all over the next morning.

Do we sit and think about the daily battles “before” we choose one to battle over?   I love what Gods Word tells us In Luke 21:14 NIV “but make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves.

This verse tells us that we are able to make a decision not to worry, that we should Resolve and settle in our minds not to meditate and prepare beforehand how we will make our defense and how we will answer.

To meditate means to roll something around in our mind. Worry is simply rolling unpleasant possibilities around in our minds. Not to prepare beforehand how we will responsd to those who disagree with us is a real step of faith. We are then forced to rely on whatever God brings to our minds. By not preparing a battle and rolling these scenarios around in our minds we are now opening our minds instead to receive wisdom from God.

Worry can sneak up on us and we find all sorts of negative possibilities seeping into our minds uninvited and unwelcome, it is when conflicts in our marriage will begin to creep in, all because we want to win a battle, we want to gain an inch of ground in the argument.

 Why can’t we just “keep our mouths shut”

 We must remember that the ones of us who are believers and any of our husbands who are not believers do not see things the same way. One sees with God’s eyes and the other with the world’s eyes.    Thankfully Lynn tells us on Pg. 109 that “we believers view life through the lens of God’s Word, we filter the day’s events and process them through the truths we discover from reading our Bible daily and the time we spend in prayer and our husband processes life from some other source.   This makes our marriage a tough one to live every day and this is one reason why we have “daily battles”.  These are the times we have to decide to “stand up, or give up”  –  really is that what it has to be?  NO!    instead the process in these daily battles  needs to be us becoming mature in Christ and learning to pick and choose our battles carefully and prayerfully.

We all have things to learn from some of these battles we go through but we need to discern the unimportant issues and as we have all heard before “simply agree to disagree” with our husband.

We can’t win our marriage on our own, we can’t take on the role of Jesus in trying to get our marriage to a place where we want it to, instead we need to give our daily battles to God and let Him do all the changing, stop pushing our faith and belief on our man to the point where we argue about it or even the simplest things that take away the focus of God in our lives and in our marriage.

Ladies our husband will see God has changed us, we don’t have to try and make him see and then the key that will unlock these battles is a “transformed life in Him(our husband) and a transformed life in us (our marriage)”

Let’s just surrender our need to win a battle and instead embrace and surrender our marriage, let’s be the peacemaker and let Christ handle all the rest!

 

Let’s Pray:   God I pray for each one of us as we will face upcoming battles in our marriages, help us Lord not to choose the battle but instead look to you and help us to decide if the issue/battle is truly worth this conflict we will face, and help us Lord instead to surrender it to you”  In your name I pray. Amen!

Your assignment:   Tell us how you resolve conflicts/battles in your marriage.   How do you pick/choose your battles?   How many of you never have any conflicts/battles with your man, if so teach us your method and how it can help us to grow this area of our marriage.

Love you all,

Beverly

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Winning Him Without Words: Key #7 Pick and Choose Your Battles (Reading Assignment)

Last week we learned that we do not have to be perfect – we need to be authentic. Phew, what a relief! This week we are tackling the daily battles that arise in our relationships – how should we respond? What battles do we need to stand our ground on and which ones can we let go? Or do you feel like the character in the cartoon image and want/need to fight every battle, even to the detriment of your marriage? Ouch! We have a lot to learn this week and I cannot wait to get started!

________________

Here is your Reading Assignment for this week!

Monday Nov 12 
Luke 21:14-15 – Pick & Choose Your Battles / Stand Up Shut Up – Beverly

Tuesday Nov 13 
A Transformed Life – Jennifer

Wednesday Nov 14 
Let’s Have a Word – Donna

Thursday Nov 15 
Speak Words of Grace / Receive Grace –  Sarah

Friday Nov 16 
Discovery / Prayer – Martha

_____________

Let’s Pray: Father, we know that this week’s topic may be a tough one for us to hear. We do not like to lose and we want to stand firm in our beliefs, Lord. But, God, we also want to have a healthy, loving marriage relationship with our spouse. Show us how to pick the battles worth fighting and letting go of the ones that we can agree to disagree on. Lord, it is by your strength that we do this. Just be with us as we look inward to our own actions and behaviors this week. Help us to change the things that we may need to change. Give us wisdom and strength to become the women and wives you have called us to be. In Jesus name, we pray Amen!

Blessings,

Jennifer

*****

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!