Speak Words of Grace
Words. Boy do women use their words! Dr. Louann Brizendine, clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco states in “The Female Brain” that “A woman uses about 20,000 words per day while a man uses about 7,000.” The poor guys can barely get a word in edge wise! But ya know what, I think they prefer it that way. Remember what we learned a few chapters back, men are physical beings. The show their emotions through doing, not talking.
But not us, ladies. We will talk until the cows come home, or at least until we think our point is made, whichever comes first. When it comes to arguing, our words can become mind numbing to our men. After awhile, they just shut down & try to find a retreat! That is why it is important for us to find the right words to convey what we are trying to say. When there is a conflict in your marriage that needs to be discussed, it is wise to discuss it with God first.
“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” Proverbs 17:27
Ask God to give you the right words to reach your husband, to help him to understand your point of view. Use fewer words and words that hold meaning. Your husband will listen harder and comprehend more if you aren’t droning on and on without ever making a clear point. Just because you are disagreeing on something does not mean you have to use hurtful and insulting words either. Choose words of “faithfulness, loyalty, friendship and honor” like Dineen learned to do. Remember what Dineen’s friend shared with her: The words of his queen make him a king. That has really stuck with me and makes me want to really choose my words wisely. To seek God for his guidance before even pursuing an issue with my husband. I am making James 1:19 my new mantra:
Understand this, my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.
Receive Grace
Alright, now we know how to speak words of grace to our husbands, but how do you speak to yourself? Are you continually beating yourself up? Telling yourself you aren’t pretty, smart or thin enough? Are you still hanging onto regrets from your past? Well I am here to tell you to stop!
Ladies, let’s address this self-image problem first. God created you to be exactly who you are. You are a woman of God. You are beautiful in his eyes, inside and out. Don’t put down God’s creation!! My nose is a bit large for my face, but I love it because I inherited it from my grandfather. My grandfather has been gone for 11 years, but I still can see him in ME and that gives me great comfort. Can you do that? Can you take one of your “problem areas” and embrace it?
And what about regrets. I’ve had a few… to quote Frank Sinatra. Who hasn’t! None of us are perfect and a lot of our regrets are part of the growing up process. I held onto some regrets for a long time because of my tendency to dwell in guilt. But one day God just shook me up and told me He knew I was going to do those less than pleasing things before I did them. It was all part of my life’s path. Without those regrets, I would have nothing to learn and grow from. God knows you, he knows everything you will do or say before you do it because He has painted your path ahead of you. Ask for His forgiveness and he will give it to you in an instant. But the kicker is, you then have to believe you are forgive and MOVE ON. You can’t keep coming back to it over and over because that is telling God you don’t truly believe you are forgiven. Meditate on this verse for help:
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old is gone, the new has come.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Repent and believe he has restored you. You are now a new body in Christ and He has such great things planned for you!
Let’s Pray
Dear Lord, Life and death is by the tongue. Help us to learn this lesson and take hold of its meaning. Put a guard on our tongues and a filter in our minds before we speak so that every word coming from our mouth is one that is pleasing and affirming to you. We love you, Lord and want to speak only the words that are sweet to your ears. In Jesus precious name, Amen.
Your Assignment:
One word I have deleted from my vocabulary is “hate”. I no longer say things such as “I hate my thighs” or “I hate so & so”. That word has always been a strong and mean word to me and I just don’t want to put it out into the world. What are some words you can delete from your vocabulary?
In our house we do not say “I can’t.” We can always try our best, but we will never start off by saying “I can’t.” What are some words you can delete from your marriage?
Godspeed,
Sarah
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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!
About Sarah Boyer
oh-so-very-true, sarah! i love this in your prayer, "…We love you, Lord and want to speak only the words that are sweet to your ears…" now, i'm thinking that if THAT is our benchmark, we will be doing great with regard to our words. something to consider; i am! <3
Amen, Coleen!! To keep that little thought in your mind, meditate on it, question it…what would be sweet to God's ears? We would all speak a lot differently, not only to other people, but about ourselves as well!
I wish we could ALL learn just how important our words are. Every parent needs to take a class on the affects of our words, and I know it would make a huge difference in the lives of their children!!! It starts with the kids! What they learn, they will pass on ….good or bad!
I agree! If you hear negative words & comments during your growing up years, it is a very hard road to a postive self image when you are an adult. Always try to be encouraging to your children!!
Oh Sarah!! Ilove your blogs!! You just go for the jugular!! LOL! Thank you for giving it your all and for the convicting things I'm learning because of it! I tend to be critical,and have always fought it. I try to say and do positive things but fail sometimes. I'm trying to get right back on that horse and buck away without falling off. Thanks Friend!! I have learned a lot!!
Ha! Ya, I am a "tell it like it is" kinda girl!! I'm so glad you took something away from my post! Now get on that horse & don't fall off! <3
Thank you Sarah for the encouraging word and its such a great reminder to be aware of the words we speak. I was just having this same conversation with my daughter yesterday….the power of our words. This is really heavy and so much to take in especially when speaking words over ourselves. I use the word hate only when speaking about my nose….lol….I don't like my huge nose so I am very critical about myself when speaking about that. I need to refrain from using that word as I know it's not a good word to use especially when talking to or about ourselves. You have given me some things to think about tonight….thank you 🙂
I completely understand the nose issue! My grandpa actually apologized to me once for giving me his big nose!
Changing how we talk to ourselves is SO huge! Self esteem issues start in our own heads. We really need to work on saying affirmation over ourselves instead of condemnation!! It's hard, but so worth it & also sets a great example for our daughters!!
One of the words I have deleted from my marriage is 'never'. This always seemed to be a triggrr word during our disagreements. With sentences like, "You never did/do this or that." These were always explosive thoughts.
Another excellent word to delete from our vocabulary!! It stings to hear you've "never" done something for someone. Good for you & your husband, Mandi!