April 19, 2024

CHRISTLife – Ten: A Self-Opinion Too High

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Have you ever said to yourself, either verbally or mentally:

In light of a problem:   “I’ve got this. I can handle it by myself.

Or after an accomplishment:  “I did it myself with no help from anyone!

Those statements may indicate a self-opinion that is too high. The truth is we can’t—don’t—do anything without the help of God. He is our breath and life.

God who gives you the breath of life and controls your destiny!
Daniel 5:23 NLT

And He (God) is not served by human hands, as if He needed anything.
Rather, He Himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else…
For in Him we live and move and have our being.
Acts 17:25 and 28 NIV

The ‘puffed up’ attitude can become a habitual part of our lives. The way to counter a self-opinion that is too high is to compare ourselves with God as His Word describes Him, and us. The benefit to this for me (and hopefully for you) is that it reminds me (us) of how great God is and still how loving He is toward us. It is humbling to realize that:

All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the Word of the Lord endures forever.
I Peter 1:24,25

Let’s look at just a few other Scriptures that will help us balance our self-image with His Truth:

I am — “a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”
James 4:14 ESV

God is  “from everlasting to everlasting You are God.”
Psalm 90:2

–*–*–*–

I am accountable — “So then each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.
Romans 14:12

God is — “…the great God, the great King above all gods.”
Psalm 95:3

God is our Creator; we are His creation. Do you see in just these few verses what a vast difference there is? We can’t be God, but that is the lie which an inflated self-opinion would lead us to believe, whether we are aware of it or not. (Remember Satan’s fall as told in Isaiah 14:12-15.) Instead the truth is that we need God. We need His guidance. Without Him, our life and our accomplishments don’t amount “to a hill of beans” (a trifling value).

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked.
Galatians 6:7

Lord, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps.
Jeremiah 10:23

An inflated self-image is a dangerous trap. Look at some of the verses from the end of the chapter that point this out:

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18

The Lord Almighty has a day in store for all the proud and lofty…they will be humbled.
Isaiah 2:12

‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’
Submit yourselves, then to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
James 4:6,7 ESV

Hmmm, if I’m correct, that last Scripture (in James chapter 4) is saying that pride, arrogance, too-high a self-image are each sin that we should run from. Ouch! Okay I get it. This is not just some little hiccup in our personality. This is a sin, a wedge that will separate us from God. I want to get rid of that, how about you!? This next Scripture is our guide to help us correct our self-image to line up with God’s image of and plan for us:

Come near to God, and He will come near to you.
Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts…
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.
James 4:8-10

Praise God, He loves us enough to point out the areas we need to change, and then shows us exactly how to do it.

We are, after all, fallen and flawed. We are like the sheep in Isaiah 53:6, we “…have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way….” But the Good News is that God is the Giver of life! (Psalm 36:9, NCV). Jesus knows His sheep, and as we humble ourselves more and more to Him we hear and know His voice and we follow Him.

The One who enters by the gate is the Shepherd of the sheep…
and the sheep listen to His voice.
He calls His own sheep by name and leads them out…
and His sheep follow Him because they know His voice.
John 10:2-4

So instead of being in the dangerous position of a self-opinion that is too high, and will surely cause us to wander “off the cliff of pride,” let’s humble ourselves before our God Almighty. Let’s continue to listen to His voice, to follow Him, and get rid of the high self-opinions He sees as sin. He is Our Good Shepherd who wants only the best for us, His sheep.

*  ~  * ~  * ~ * ~ *  

Dear Lord God Almighty, we humble ourselves before You today. We ask You, Lord, to show us any sin of a “self-opinion too high.” Thank You for Your Word that not only reveals our sins, but also reveals Who You are, who we are in Your sight, and just how much You love us. We want to repent of pride today and receive Your forgiveness. We want to know Your voice and follow You because You are our Good Shepherd Who loves us and wants only the best for us, Your sheep. Thank You. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Restoring Broken Relationships

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Dear Coach Megan,

A very horrible situation happened several years ago between one of my family members and I.   Ever since then, we have not had any contact with each other.   I am very unsettled in my heart and spirit about this and I feel God pushing me towards reconciliation with this person. My question is in how I know if this is something I should pursue or not. I hope you will be able to help me with this.  Bless you, P.S.

Hello, P.S.!

My heart aches for you, knowing how grave the pain is when any relationship {family or otherwise} is ripped apart.  Not much makes me happier than to see relationships restored to even better than new, but you and I both know that sometimes, that isn’t what ends up happening. Reconciliation is the act of settling or restoring differences.  While a relationship will not always be salvaged, the spirit of reconciliation will ALWAYS reflect the heart of God.  Read with me Romans 12:18.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Most people do not know the when for reconciliation, but the Bible does state two specific times:

  1. When you have wronged another {Matthew 5:23-24}
  2. When you have been wronged {Matthew 18:15-16}

In order to pave the road for reconciliation, you must 100% sincerely commit to forgive and be reconciled in the relationship.  This does not need to go both ways, but your heart must be pure in motives and sincere.  1 Peter 3:9 says: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

With this in mind, use the following as guide in beginning to pave your road for reconciliation….

Prepare your heart for seeking reconciliation. Be willing to:

  • view the conflict as an opportunity for growth
  • learn what God wants you to learn
  • discover that you are partly at fault
  • expose your weakness
  • be open with your feelings
  • risk the relationship
  • accept a negative outcome
  • pray for God’s will to be done

Colossians 3:15

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body
you were called to peace. And be thankful. 

 Know that the refusal to seek reconciliation affects the intimacy of your relationship with God. Humble your heart and pray:

  • “Lord, I don’t want to be prideful and unbending”
  • “Lord, I want Your favor in my life, not Your disfavor”
  • “Lord, I want to reflect Your character and be open to reconciliation”

Matthew 5:9

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Seek forgiveness and apologize for words that have hurt the other person

  • “I have tried to see our relationship from your point of view”
  • “I realize I have been wrong in my attitude of _______”
  • “Will you forgive me”

Proverbs 6:2-3

you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth.
So do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands:
Go—to the point of exhaustion— and give your neighbor no rest!

Recognize the ground rules of communication:

  • Offer unconditional acceptance
  • Confront the problem, not the person
  • Listen without interrupting
  • Verbalize your feelings
  • Use words that build self-worth
  • Aim for mutual understanding
  • Give more than you take

Ephesians 4:2

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Be kind and gentle

  • Don’t harbor resentment
  • Don’t make excuses for yourself
  • Don’t get drawn into arguments
  • Don’t fail to pray
  • Don’t have expectations of immediate acceptance

2 Timothy 2:24-25

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome 
but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 
Opponents must be gently instructed, 
in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth

Reflect the character of Christ in ALL you do.

In order to prepare your heart to reflect the character of Christ, pray:

  • “Lord I die to my personal rights” {Galatians 2:20}
  • “Lord, I die to defending myself” {Psalm 28:7}
  • “Lord, I die to relying on my own abilities” {Proverbs 28:26}

Enlist a mediator if necessary

  • Pray for God to prepare the heart of your opposer for mediation
  • Seek a person whom your opposer can respect
  • You can say, “At times an outside person can have a different perspective that is more objective. Would you consider having a mediator help us think through our problems with the hope of reaching a successful end?”

Matthew 18:16

But if they will not listen, take one or two others along,
so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

Do not hold yourself responsible for the outcome

  • When reconciliation is refused, do not live with false guilt.
  • You cannot force reconciliation to occur
  • Everyone is individually responsible to God

Romans 14:12

So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

Rest in the knowledge that you have done all that you can do to seek peace

  • Continue to show love and treat the other person with forgiveness
  • Thank God for giving you the desire to be at peace with everyone
  • Praise God for His commitment to orchestrate your own spiritual growth

Romans 12:18

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Dear P.S., if your efforts are refused, remember that if your heart has been repentant, you have God’s total forgiveness {1 John 1:8-9}.  Be sure to pray for those who refuse reconciliation and for their unmet need {Matthew 5:44}.  Know that God never leaves you when you suffer the loss of a close relationship {Psalm 34:18}.  Be careful to control what you say about those who refuse reconciliation {Romans 12:14}.  Do not be vengeful toward them.. in time, God deals with those who do wrong {Romans 12:19}.  Know completely that God will bring something good out of the pain {Isaiah 43:18-19}.

In closing, my friend, please keep in mind that reconciliation is restoring a relationship based on restored trust. It requires repentance and is to be extended only when earned. Pray to God for discernment on this and I so hope that you will be able to use this as a guide when preparing your heart, mind, and spirit.

Blessings,

Coach Megan 🙂

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Encouraging Truth-telling

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Dear Coach Megan,

I’m not so sure this is a “Life Coaching” question, but I am having a lot of trouble with my kids lying to me and to others. Sometimes it is even about things that I can’t think of any reason why they would even think to lie about! I’m not really sure how to proceed in guiding them except to punish them for lying. I hope this is something you can help me with. If it matters, my kids are middle school and high school aged. Thank you! ~A

Dear A,

I have coached many clients specifically on parenting and parenting relationships…and this is a wonderful question I am happy to give you guidance on. While I believe that lying is part of a development stage for many children, I also know that you need to be careful when punishing for this as it can cause them to dig in their heels even deeper!  In younger children, they will even form “wishes” in the space of a lie. Because your kids, specifically, are older, I am going to encourage you to help them in a similar way that I would even coach you to manage dealing with adults who are not telling the truth. I have five young adult children myself, so I understand your frustration and your heart to want to help them!

Typically, liars don’t see themselves as liars. It typically comes down to the fact that they are just trying to get their needs met. When our God-given inner needs for significance and security are not met {especially in childhood} the tendency is to try to meet those needs illegitimately. That being said, the two primary causes for lying are:

  • Feeling insignificant and lying to appear more important. “I need to change the truth because the real truth doesn’t sound important enough.”
  • Feeling insecure and lying to keep from looking bad, stupid, or inadequate. “I need to change the truth because if I speak the truth, I’m afraid of what others will think of me and do.”

The fact is that the Lord promises to meet all of our inner needs.

As Christians, we need to tell the truth all the time because Jesus lives within us and He is the Truth!

He will empower us to overcome lying so that we can reflect His character!

Encouraging truth-telling in difficult situations:

1. KNOW that you CANNOT please everyone!

Galatians 1:10

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?
Or am I trying to please people?
If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

2. KNOW that you are NOT responsible for everyone’s feelings!

Proverbs 9:7-9

Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse.
Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you.
Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.

3. KNOW that you CAN speak the truth in a loving way!

Ephesians 4:15

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

4. KNOW that you are not a perfect person… No one is perfect!

Isaiah 53:6

We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way;

5. KNOW that you are not accountable for how others respond to the truth. You are accountable to God to tell the truth.

Romans 14:12

So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

It is important when you talk to your kids about this, you explore the Scriptures together and try to get them to reveal what God’s truth is about this for themselves. Do not judge, do not condemn…lovingly guide them to God’s truth on this subject and leave room for them to make good choices with whether to tell the truth or not.  It is a CHOICE.

It is also important to understand that even “white lies” dirty the conscience and darken the prospect for transparent relationships. To help them on their path to recovery and exchange half-truths for honesty,  it is helpful to look at what God has to say about it:

  • His consequences for lying and His hatred for deceit {Psalm 5:6}
  • Determining to be totally honest with God and freely admit your failures {1 John 1:8}
  • Discerning your areas of personal temptation…to stop and think before you answer {Psalm 141:3}
  • Deciding that you want your life to reflect Christ, Who lives in you {Romans 8:29}
  • Depending on the strength of Christ within you to enable you to change {Philippians 4:13}
  • Delighting in speaking the truth, which is more rewarding than telling lies {Proverbs 28:13}

What I always say to my kids is that when you tell a lie, you might “look” better…at least you HOPE you do….  But when you tell the truth, you FEEL better as you reflect Christ in YOU!  🙂

Blessings to you and your family,

Coach Megan 🙂