March 29, 2024

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Restoring Broken Relationships

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Dear Coach Megan,

A very horrible situation happened several years ago between one of my family members and I.   Ever since then, we have not had any contact with each other.   I am very unsettled in my heart and spirit about this and I feel God pushing me towards reconciliation with this person. My question is in how I know if this is something I should pursue or not. I hope you will be able to help me with this.  Bless you, P.S.

Hello, P.S.!

My heart aches for you, knowing how grave the pain is when any relationship {family or otherwise} is ripped apart.  Not much makes me happier than to see relationships restored to even better than new, but you and I both know that sometimes, that isn’t what ends up happening. Reconciliation is the act of settling or restoring differences.  While a relationship will not always be salvaged, the spirit of reconciliation will ALWAYS reflect the heart of God.  Read with me Romans 12:18.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Most people do not know the when for reconciliation, but the Bible does state two specific times:

  1. When you have wronged another {Matthew 5:23-24}
  2. When you have been wronged {Matthew 18:15-16}

In order to pave the road for reconciliation, you must 100% sincerely commit to forgive and be reconciled in the relationship.  This does not need to go both ways, but your heart must be pure in motives and sincere.  1 Peter 3:9 says: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

With this in mind, use the following as guide in beginning to pave your road for reconciliation….

Prepare your heart for seeking reconciliation. Be willing to:

  • view the conflict as an opportunity for growth
  • learn what God wants you to learn
  • discover that you are partly at fault
  • expose your weakness
  • be open with your feelings
  • risk the relationship
  • accept a negative outcome
  • pray for God’s will to be done

Colossians 3:15

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body
you were called to peace. And be thankful. 

 Know that the refusal to seek reconciliation affects the intimacy of your relationship with God. Humble your heart and pray:

  • “Lord, I don’t want to be prideful and unbending”
  • “Lord, I want Your favor in my life, not Your disfavor”
  • “Lord, I want to reflect Your character and be open to reconciliation”

Matthew 5:9

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Seek forgiveness and apologize for words that have hurt the other person

  • “I have tried to see our relationship from your point of view”
  • “I realize I have been wrong in my attitude of _______”
  • “Will you forgive me”

Proverbs 6:2-3

you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth.
So do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands:
Go—to the point of exhaustion— and give your neighbor no rest!

Recognize the ground rules of communication:

  • Offer unconditional acceptance
  • Confront the problem, not the person
  • Listen without interrupting
  • Verbalize your feelings
  • Use words that build self-worth
  • Aim for mutual understanding
  • Give more than you take

Ephesians 4:2

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Be kind and gentle

  • Don’t harbor resentment
  • Don’t make excuses for yourself
  • Don’t get drawn into arguments
  • Don’t fail to pray
  • Don’t have expectations of immediate acceptance

2 Timothy 2:24-25

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome 
but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 
Opponents must be gently instructed, 
in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth

Reflect the character of Christ in ALL you do.

In order to prepare your heart to reflect the character of Christ, pray:

  • “Lord I die to my personal rights” {Galatians 2:20}
  • “Lord, I die to defending myself” {Psalm 28:7}
  • “Lord, I die to relying on my own abilities” {Proverbs 28:26}

Enlist a mediator if necessary

  • Pray for God to prepare the heart of your opposer for mediation
  • Seek a person whom your opposer can respect
  • You can say, “At times an outside person can have a different perspective that is more objective. Would you consider having a mediator help us think through our problems with the hope of reaching a successful end?”

Matthew 18:16

But if they will not listen, take one or two others along,
so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

Do not hold yourself responsible for the outcome

  • When reconciliation is refused, do not live with false guilt.
  • You cannot force reconciliation to occur
  • Everyone is individually responsible to God

Romans 14:12

So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

Rest in the knowledge that you have done all that you can do to seek peace

  • Continue to show love and treat the other person with forgiveness
  • Thank God for giving you the desire to be at peace with everyone
  • Praise God for His commitment to orchestrate your own spiritual growth

Romans 12:18

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Dear P.S., if your efforts are refused, remember that if your heart has been repentant, you have God’s total forgiveness {1 John 1:8-9}.  Be sure to pray for those who refuse reconciliation and for their unmet need {Matthew 5:44}.  Know that God never leaves you when you suffer the loss of a close relationship {Psalm 34:18}.  Be careful to control what you say about those who refuse reconciliation {Romans 12:14}.  Do not be vengeful toward them.. in time, God deals with those who do wrong {Romans 12:19}.  Know completely that God will bring something good out of the pain {Isaiah 43:18-19}.

In closing, my friend, please keep in mind that reconciliation is restoring a relationship based on restored trust. It requires repentance and is to be extended only when earned. Pray to God for discernment on this and I so hope that you will be able to use this as a guide when preparing your heart, mind, and spirit.

Blessings,

Coach Megan 🙂

Girls With Swords: Chapter 4 – “The Battleground” (pgs 53-55)

This week’s reading assignment can be found HERE

This is the second time I am writing this blog. I feel so strongly about the topic. I want it to be “just right”. I want you to know my heart. I want you to truly hear and understand what God has been speaking to me lately. His voice has been so strong.

In a sense, I feel like this is the most important piece of writing I have ever done. But, it is not a happy piece. It is not writing that will make you feel all good and happy inside. It might make you mad. Your heart may be convicted. I hope it is. I pray that the Lord will speak to each one of you in such a powerful way that your life will change today; that you will begin to see our world with fresh eyes. God needs his daughters to rise up and fight! He needs us to wield His Sword (the Word) against the enemy.

But who is this enemy? It may seem like an easy answer. Satan, right? If the answer were that simple, my blog would end here. But, girlfriends, the answer is more complex than that.

Yes, ultimately the fight is against Satan.

But, oftentimes we spend our time and energy fighting each other. Christians fight non-Christians; Christians fight other Christians. People just love to fight something (or someone); and Satan sits back and laughs because when he can cause division and strife in our ranks, he wins. When Christ-followers do not act like they are truly saved by the blood of Christ, he wins.

Our war is not with any political party, alternative lifestyle, social issue, or any other worldly circumstance. It is all a distraction to take our eyes and ears off of our real enemy. Our war is with Satan. We must recognize when he is trying to divide us, to put negative, non-constructive thoughts or feelings into our mind. When Satan stirs up negative thoughts or behaviors between you and anyone else, be it your family member or friend, your pastor, or even the President of the United States, it is to his benefit. We cannot have a negative spirit toward anyone and be right with God. Satan seeks to destroy us. He wants to steal our joy and our peace. His goal is to separate us from God. When we allow him access, to gain a foothold into these areas of our life where we have strong opinions or hurts, he wins.

Sisters, we are eternally secure in Jesus Christ. We do not need to wage war on anyone here on earth. Our only battle is with the devil and the schemes he is trying to unleash every single day. We are at a critical point where we must, at all times, take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Is the argument you are about to wage with your friend on Facebook going to be pleasing to Christ? If He were sitting with you at your computer right now, would you type that comment on a blog or write a particular status update?

You may think I’m being harsh or critical, but it is a reality. Unbelievers are watching the Christian. They are looking to see if Christ is real. They are trying to see if we live our lives any differently than they live theirs. If they looked at your e-mail inbox or your Facebook wall, or your text messages, what would they see? I know we are far from perfect, but our goal every single day is to do our very best to honor our God with our words, thoughts, and actions.

Our current world is broken. We all know that. It is difficult to go through each day and not hear about another tragedy somewhere in the world. It is heartbreaking. But, the answer is not to lash out in anger. We must model our leader, Jesus Christ, who tells us love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:31); to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44); and to pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44). This, girlfriends, is the answer to how we defeat the enemy.

I want to leave you with some scriptures to meditate on today. Please take some time to pray through this and let the Spirit work in your heart; journal it out. What is God saying to you?

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord (Hebrews 12:14).

Do all things without complaining or bickering with each other, so you will be found innocent and blameless; you are God’s children called to live without a single stain on your reputations among this perverted and crooked generation. Shine like stars across the land (Philippians 2:14-15).

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18).

And since God is pretty cool, He even put a song in my path several times during the writing of this blog. I feel like I need to share the lyrics with you because they are so powerful (emphasis mine).


 

Live Like That
by Sidewalk Prophets

Sometimes I think
What will people say of me
When I’m only just a memory
When I’m home where my soul belongs

Was I love
When no one else would show up
Was I Jesus to the least of those
Was my worship more than just a song

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You

If love is who I am
Then this is where I’ll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that
I want to live like that

Am I proof
That You are who you say You are
That grace can really change a heart
Do I live like Your love is true

People pass
And even if they don’t know my name
Is there evidence that I’ve been changed
When they see me, do they see You

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You

If love is who I am
Then this is where I’ll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that
I want to live like that

I want to show the world the love You gave for me
I’m longing for the world to know the glory of the King

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You

If love is who I am
Then this is where I’ll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that
I want to live like that

*****

Let’s Pray:

Father God, we know You are a God of love and You desperately want your Bride to unite as one to fight the enemy where he seeks to divide us. Equip us each day as we go into battle. Write the truth of Your Word on our hearts and help us so that it takes root in our lives and bears much fruit for Your glory. In Your Son’s matchless name, we pray. Amen.

Life’s Healing Choices: Week 6 – Repairing Relationships By Making Amends (pp175-181)

I made amends (or attempted to make amends) to someone I wronged, not directly, but by allowing others to do them harm and not stepping up and standing up for what is right. It’s just as wrong to stand by and watch someone you love take abuse at the hands of friends, both of our friends. It was a long time ago yet I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me to make peace with her. To apologize for not standing up for her; for not stopping the madness but watching it happen, maybe even enjoying it. It didn’t turn out well—my amends. Venom spewed from her side and I was left with more questions than answers.

The incident was years ago but to her it may as well been yesterday.  Aren’t mamas that way when their children get hurt? But amends aren’t about reactions, are they? They’re about action on our part. It’s about taking responsibility, and actually accepting, admitting what we did was wrong. We hurt someone else, whether sober or not, we did it. God calls us as His children to ask forgiveness from our peers. We may not get the warm fuzzies from the person we are apologizing to. We must not do this for ourselves or our own recognition, like “look how great Kim is for apologizing” or “Kim really has it together!” It’s been about us for so long. It’s time that it is about someone else or Someone Else. It’s time our lives reflect Whose we are. Now that we have established THAT we need to make amends, we have to look at HOW to go about it in a way that most represents God’s way.

Obviously we must spend more time in prayer over each one and let the Holy Spirit really guide and direct us on who we need to contact and how. (Don’t you love the “empty chair” approach and the “fake letter?”) Be careful though not to use these for the ones that deserve actual contact. The book gives us certain situations for which these methods are the only appropriate choice. This is between you and God. Use His guidance. First clear your mind, empty to fill, and let Him speak through you. Your day of freedom is here, deliverance from your regrets and mistakes. You’ve really allowed God to empower you to do the right thing—admit your wrongs.

From this point on, the past is the past and the future is wide open. The baggage of yesterday has been dropped. Oh yes, there will be more amends made along the way, and you will still have to apologize for mistakes to come and wrongs you will do, but the key now is not to hold resentments and to always promptly admit when you are wrong.

If you borrowed, return it. If you need to come clean with the law, do so. If you owe money, pay it. Let’s be who He created us to be and let’s be the light to others around us, who are still in darkness. We can guide others to Him by living our amends. For isn’t that the best way—to live out our apologies?

Let’s be different now and desire different lives than the old one. And most of all, may we desire what He wants for us!  So, how ‘bout that list? Ready to start writing and righting?

Freedom Is Yours

 

Scriptures that apply:

Matthew 5:23, 24

Job 11:13,15 and 16

Hebrews 12:15

Romans 12:18

Luke 6:33

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Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord Jesus, we praise You.  You never change.  You’re the same yesterday, today and forever. Thank You for empowering us to do more than we ever could without You. Guide us as we make lists of our wrongs.  May we repent and release them to You. Speak to us, remind us what relationships need repairing and then give us the words to speak and when. For You bring healing to all. You make all things new.  The ones who refuse us, Lord, may we hand them over to You.  We love You. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Look up these verses and pray them to Him. Praying His word to Him is so powerful. Allow Him to speak through you as you make your lists and follow through with repairing relationships. Talk to your accountability partner about this. Let us know how it’s going! Remember we are praying for you!

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If you would like to email Kim directly in regards to this blog, please email her at Kim@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com