March 29, 2024

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Restoring Broken Relationships

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Dear Coach Megan,

A very horrible situation happened several years ago between one of my family members and I.   Ever since then, we have not had any contact with each other.   I am very unsettled in my heart and spirit about this and I feel God pushing me towards reconciliation with this person. My question is in how I know if this is something I should pursue or not. I hope you will be able to help me with this.  Bless you, P.S.

Hello, P.S.!

My heart aches for you, knowing how grave the pain is when any relationship {family or otherwise} is ripped apart.  Not much makes me happier than to see relationships restored to even better than new, but you and I both know that sometimes, that isn’t what ends up happening. Reconciliation is the act of settling or restoring differences.  While a relationship will not always be salvaged, the spirit of reconciliation will ALWAYS reflect the heart of God.  Read with me Romans 12:18.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Most people do not know the when for reconciliation, but the Bible does state two specific times:

  1. When you have wronged another {Matthew 5:23-24}
  2. When you have been wronged {Matthew 18:15-16}

In order to pave the road for reconciliation, you must 100% sincerely commit to forgive and be reconciled in the relationship.  This does not need to go both ways, but your heart must be pure in motives and sincere.  1 Peter 3:9 says: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

With this in mind, use the following as guide in beginning to pave your road for reconciliation….

Prepare your heart for seeking reconciliation. Be willing to:

  • view the conflict as an opportunity for growth
  • learn what God wants you to learn
  • discover that you are partly at fault
  • expose your weakness
  • be open with your feelings
  • risk the relationship
  • accept a negative outcome
  • pray for God’s will to be done

Colossians 3:15

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body
you were called to peace. And be thankful. 

 Know that the refusal to seek reconciliation affects the intimacy of your relationship with God. Humble your heart and pray:

  • “Lord, I don’t want to be prideful and unbending”
  • “Lord, I want Your favor in my life, not Your disfavor”
  • “Lord, I want to reflect Your character and be open to reconciliation”

Matthew 5:9

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Seek forgiveness and apologize for words that have hurt the other person

  • “I have tried to see our relationship from your point of view”
  • “I realize I have been wrong in my attitude of _______”
  • “Will you forgive me”

Proverbs 6:2-3

you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth.
So do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands:
Go—to the point of exhaustion— and give your neighbor no rest!

Recognize the ground rules of communication:

  • Offer unconditional acceptance
  • Confront the problem, not the person
  • Listen without interrupting
  • Verbalize your feelings
  • Use words that build self-worth
  • Aim for mutual understanding
  • Give more than you take

Ephesians 4:2

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Be kind and gentle

  • Don’t harbor resentment
  • Don’t make excuses for yourself
  • Don’t get drawn into arguments
  • Don’t fail to pray
  • Don’t have expectations of immediate acceptance

2 Timothy 2:24-25

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome 
but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 
Opponents must be gently instructed, 
in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth

Reflect the character of Christ in ALL you do.

In order to prepare your heart to reflect the character of Christ, pray:

  • “Lord I die to my personal rights” {Galatians 2:20}
  • “Lord, I die to defending myself” {Psalm 28:7}
  • “Lord, I die to relying on my own abilities” {Proverbs 28:26}

Enlist a mediator if necessary

  • Pray for God to prepare the heart of your opposer for mediation
  • Seek a person whom your opposer can respect
  • You can say, “At times an outside person can have a different perspective that is more objective. Would you consider having a mediator help us think through our problems with the hope of reaching a successful end?”

Matthew 18:16

But if they will not listen, take one or two others along,
so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

Do not hold yourself responsible for the outcome

  • When reconciliation is refused, do not live with false guilt.
  • You cannot force reconciliation to occur
  • Everyone is individually responsible to God

Romans 14:12

So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

Rest in the knowledge that you have done all that you can do to seek peace

  • Continue to show love and treat the other person with forgiveness
  • Thank God for giving you the desire to be at peace with everyone
  • Praise God for His commitment to orchestrate your own spiritual growth

Romans 12:18

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Dear P.S., if your efforts are refused, remember that if your heart has been repentant, you have God’s total forgiveness {1 John 1:8-9}.  Be sure to pray for those who refuse reconciliation and for their unmet need {Matthew 5:44}.  Know that God never leaves you when you suffer the loss of a close relationship {Psalm 34:18}.  Be careful to control what you say about those who refuse reconciliation {Romans 12:14}.  Do not be vengeful toward them.. in time, God deals with those who do wrong {Romans 12:19}.  Know completely that God will bring something good out of the pain {Isaiah 43:18-19}.

In closing, my friend, please keep in mind that reconciliation is restoring a relationship based on restored trust. It requires repentance and is to be extended only when earned. Pray to God for discernment on this and I so hope that you will be able to use this as a guide when preparing your heart, mind, and spirit.

Blessings,

Coach Megan 🙂

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Overcoming Bitterness with Hope

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Coach Megan,

I won’t go into all the details, but I know that I have been burying a lot of anger for a long time now and now it is at the point that it is hard for me to be hopeful for change. It is hurting me so much and many of my relationships as well. I pray you can give me some direction. Bless you, K.

My Dear K,

Thank you for reaching out and I do pray that these Biblical answers will be helpful to you in this desperate situation.  What I heard lying beneath your cry for help is that you are struggling with bitterness, which is powerfully pushing you down into a ditch of despair.  Signs of bitterness can be subtle at first, but very soon it swirls into a chaos of complaints, unforgiveness, depression, sustained grief, hopelessness, and even rage against God.  Most people find it difficult to admit that they are bitter….  They say things like “I’m not bitter, but I just can’t forgive him!” or, “I’m not angry, but it’s just not fair.”  Bitterness is buried anger that has become stuck in resentment and unresolved anger is like a big, heavy chain that ties us to the past.

Hebrews 12:15
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that
no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

When you are struggling to overcome bitterness, you must:

  • Believe that it is possible, with God’s help, to get rid of all of your resentment.
  • Know that you are not a helpless victim of other people, circumstances, or events.
  • Take personal responsibility for your attitude of bitterness.
  • Confess before God that you are harboring anger.  Express your true desire to overcome the bondage of bitterness.
  • Search your heart for the past events or people that embitter your heart, then release your right for revenge.
  • Understand that only a close relationship with Jesus can give you the love and confidence to let go.  Leave your vengeance to the judgment of God.
  • Cultivate a heart of forgiveness toward others that allows you to experience God’s total forgiveness of you.

Putting your hope in Christ will keep you from being wrecked by the crushing events of life. Although your anchor is unseen, you will feel it’s pull and know it is holding you.  No matter what storm you might be presently enduring or might soon be encountering, if your anchor is Jesus, your anchor will hold!  Extraordinary benefits await you when you hold on to the hope He offers… benefits based on the promises of God, benefits both in this present life and in the life to come. You cannot earn or deserve the benefits of hope…they are a gift of grace to you based on the Lord’s great love for you.  His Word shows us what these benefits are as HIS blessed hope…

Generates faith and love in you

Colossians 1:4-5

because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God’s people—
the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven
and about which you have already heard in the true message of the gospel,

Causes you to live a pure life

1 John 3:3

 All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure.

Inspires you to persevere with endurance

1 Thessalonians 1:3

We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith,
your labor prompted by love,
and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Uplifts your downcast soul

Psalm 42:5

Why, my soul, are you downcast?  Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Causes you to praise God

Psalm 71:14

As for me, I will always have hope;I will praise you more and more.

Anchors your soul

Hebrews 6:19

 We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain

Gives you reason to rejoice

Romans 5:2

through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.
And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.

Establishes your security and safety

Job 11:18

You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.

Guarantees your eternal life

Titus 3:5-7

he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.
He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit,
whom he poured out on us
generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace,
we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

 

Blessings,

Coach Megan 🙂