April 25, 2024

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Encouraging Truth-telling

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Dear Coach Megan,

I’m not so sure this is a “Life Coaching” question, but I am having a lot of trouble with my kids lying to me and to others. Sometimes it is even about things that I can’t think of any reason why they would even think to lie about! I’m not really sure how to proceed in guiding them except to punish them for lying. I hope this is something you can help me with. If it matters, my kids are middle school and high school aged. Thank you! ~A

Dear A,

I have coached many clients specifically on parenting and parenting relationships…and this is a wonderful question I am happy to give you guidance on. While I believe that lying is part of a development stage for many children, I also know that you need to be careful when punishing for this as it can cause them to dig in their heels even deeper!  In younger children, they will even form “wishes” in the space of a lie. Because your kids, specifically, are older, I am going to encourage you to help them in a similar way that I would even coach you to manage dealing with adults who are not telling the truth. I have five young adult children myself, so I understand your frustration and your heart to want to help them!

Typically, liars don’t see themselves as liars. It typically comes down to the fact that they are just trying to get their needs met. When our God-given inner needs for significance and security are not met {especially in childhood} the tendency is to try to meet those needs illegitimately. That being said, the two primary causes for lying are:

  • Feeling insignificant and lying to appear more important. “I need to change the truth because the real truth doesn’t sound important enough.”
  • Feeling insecure and lying to keep from looking bad, stupid, or inadequate. “I need to change the truth because if I speak the truth, I’m afraid of what others will think of me and do.”

The fact is that the Lord promises to meet all of our inner needs.

As Christians, we need to tell the truth all the time because Jesus lives within us and He is the Truth!

He will empower us to overcome lying so that we can reflect His character!

Encouraging truth-telling in difficult situations:

1. KNOW that you CANNOT please everyone!

Galatians 1:10

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?
Or am I trying to please people?
If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

2. KNOW that you are NOT responsible for everyone’s feelings!

Proverbs 9:7-9

Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse.
Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you.
Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.

3. KNOW that you CAN speak the truth in a loving way!

Ephesians 4:15

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

4. KNOW that you are not a perfect person… No one is perfect!

Isaiah 53:6

We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way;

5. KNOW that you are not accountable for how others respond to the truth. You are accountable to God to tell the truth.

Romans 14:12

So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

It is important when you talk to your kids about this, you explore the Scriptures together and try to get them to reveal what God’s truth is about this for themselves. Do not judge, do not condemn…lovingly guide them to God’s truth on this subject and leave room for them to make good choices with whether to tell the truth or not.  It is a CHOICE.

It is also important to understand that even “white lies” dirty the conscience and darken the prospect for transparent relationships. To help them on their path to recovery and exchange half-truths for honesty,  it is helpful to look at what God has to say about it:

  • His consequences for lying and His hatred for deceit {Psalm 5:6}
  • Determining to be totally honest with God and freely admit your failures {1 John 1:8}
  • Discerning your areas of personal temptation…to stop and think before you answer {Psalm 141:3}
  • Deciding that you want your life to reflect Christ, Who lives in you {Romans 8:29}
  • Depending on the strength of Christ within you to enable you to change {Philippians 4:13}
  • Delighting in speaking the truth, which is more rewarding than telling lies {Proverbs 28:13}

What I always say to my kids is that when you tell a lie, you might “look” better…at least you HOPE you do….  But when you tell the truth, you FEEL better as you reflect Christ in YOU!  🙂

Blessings to you and your family,

Coach Megan 🙂

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Manipulation

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Coach Megan,

What makes someone forget EVERYTHING you have ever done for them in their life when you are not able to do the one thing they are asking for now? Thanks for any guidance you can give. ~CW

Dear CW,

Manipulators tend to be very skillful strategists. They map out their art subtly steering and controlling people or circumstances by using indirect, unfair, or deceptive tactics. People-pleasing is at the root of being manipulated. Those who are manipulated allow others the control God alone should have. Exodus 20:3 says, “You shall have no other Gods before me.”

Manipulators control others by aggressive manipulation or passive-aggressive manipulation. What I hear in your question is that you are wondering why someone would manipulate someone else. This is not a complete list, by any means, but I believe this will give us a place to start…

Manipulators tend to:

  • Make others feel guilty
  • Get others to believe what they want them to believe
  • Keep others “hooked” into a relationship…even when the relationship is unhealthy and one-sided
  • Avoid meeting their obligations and responsibilities
  • Appear positive when they feel negative toward others
  • Set up “fixers,” “caretakers,” and “rescuers” to take care of them
  • Intentionally confuse others
  • Get others to do for them what they would not normally choose to do
  • Get others to feel responsible for them or for their welfare
  • Control the emotions and reasoning of others
  • Use religious words for personal gain, causing harm to another’s walk with God
  • Win the battle for control

Proverbs 26:24 describes the manipulator:

A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit.

At the root of people allowing themselves to be manipulated is the belief that they must have the approval of others in order to feel good about themselves. What God calls us to is to NOT live for the approval of others, but to realize that God will meet all of our inner needs because he accepts us totally and loves us unconditionally!

Jeremiah 17:5

 This is what the Lord says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man,  who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord.”

CW…It looks like you have done a lot of work within to stop yourself from being manipulated. For the benefit of our readers (and for your benefit if someone tries to manipulate you again), here are some steps to help stop being a victim of manipulation:

Decide not to be dependent on the manipulator {Philippians 4:19}

  • You must decide that you have an unhealthy, dependent relationship and confess that to God. Decide that you only want  healthy relationships that glorify God. Decide that you will be dependent on the Lord to satisfy your deepest needs. 

Expect Exasperation {Psalm 31:3-4}

  •  Do not expect your manipulator to understand or agree with your decisions, acknowledge being manipulative, or be willing to give up control to set you free.

Prepare yourself for pain {Job 3:26}

  • Accept change as being painful… however in time, you WILL have peace.  Also, accept the fact that if you don’t change, you will stay in pain and peace will elude you.

Examine the methods of the manipulator {Proverbs 22:3}

  • Ask God to open your eyes to ways that you have been manipulated. Also, ask yourself, “How am I being manipulated?” and then write out your tactics for change. You can also ask a trusted friend to help you see blind spots and develop a plan of action.

Notify the manipulator of the necessity for change {Hebrews 12:1}

  • Admit that you have been wrong. It can sound like this: “I’ve come to realize that I am wrong in the way that I relate to you. At times, I don’t speak up because I am afraid. This is not healthy for either of us.”
  • You need to also give your commitment to them which can sound like this: “I really do care about you. I want you to know that I am committed to change and I believe that we can ultimately have a much better relationship.”
  • State your resolve to them if it is not appropriate to continue the relationship: “We cannot continue in a relationship as it is and still be the people we need to be before God.”

Don’t defend yourself {Ecclesiastes 3:7}

  • Even if you are accused of being unkind and unloving, you can choose to:
  1. Be silent, but do not use silence as a weapon.
  2. State the truth only once or twice: “I’m sorry you feel that way.” ” What you’ve said is not true.” “It does not reflect my heart.”
  3. You can say “I understand that you think I am being heartless, but my intent is to become healthy.”

Expect the manipulator to try new strategies {Proverbs 14:24}

  • They may resort to using other methods to regain control
  • They need to know you are aware of these new methods
  • They need to see that the new methods will not succeed

Nullify your need to meet all of the manipulator’s needs {Psalm 37:4-5}

  • Realize that God didn’t design anyone to meet all the needs of another person
  • If you meet all of the manipulator’s needs, then the manipulator will not need the Lord
  • You need to redirect the manipulator’s focus to the Lord as the only true need-meeter

Commit Galatians 1:10 to memory

  • Realize that you are “transformed by the renewing of your mind”
  • Recognize that you are given the mind of Christ to direct your thoughts

Yield to pleasing the Lord first {Psalm 27:1}

  • You must not be a peace-at-any-price person
  • Jesus was not a peace-at-any-price person
  • Keep your trust in God and fear no one

We need to give people the space to be upset and grow through their disappointment.  When we don’t, the danger is in people looking to another person to be God and be everything to them when that is the exact opposite of God’s design. We need to give God the space He needs to move and that is possible when we create and keep boundaries firm and stand on God’s Word.

Blessings,

Coach Megan 🙂 

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Defeating Distractions!

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Dear Coach Megan,

I am so frustrated with myself because I have been so easily side-tracked by distractions lately and I just can’t get a handle on it! It is beginning to affect my job and my home life, and I could really use some direction on how to focus and let God take control back of my time! I hope you can help! ~LN

Dear LN,

I think we all struggle with distractions at one time or another and I am so happy you have reached out to get some guidance on this issue in order to make best use of your resource of time. I actually led a conference call on this very topic for Girlfriends Coffee Hour Leadership this past year so I will be using that as my guide to help you. I pray this is a blessing….

 _________________

Let’s face it. We all are guilty of succumbing to distractions…. But God calls us to not to and it IS possible to keep them at bay!

Do you know what the key to this is?????

Oh yes friends, it’s all about being INTENTIONAL!!!!

We all know that the more we are in line with God’s word and doing things to further His Kingdom, the more fiery darts Satan will throw at us in his attempt to knock us off course.  We need to recognize distractions for what they are in order to keep them in their proper place and NOT give them center stage!!!

Distractions as a whole are a huge drain on every aspect of who we are. They take our focus away from what we should be doing – our tasks, goals, and purpose. This is why we have to eliminate them from our lives, if possible!  Personally, I find that if I  indulge in a distraction, an hour could go by and before I know it, I’ve blown away an entire block of time that God had meant for me to use in another, more purposeful way.  Generally, this makes me feel drained and disappointed, not just in myself for having let myself be distracted, but also about the lost opportunities and productive time I could have spent furthering His Kingdom in my home, in ministry, or in my community.

There is a flip side to this too…. When we succumb to distractions, not only are we affected but, if another person is involved, they are affected too!  If Facebook takes up all your time at home, your family is affected; and all the lives that you converse with, they are affected because they might also not be good stewards of their time.  If you bombard friends with private message after private message all day long, they are being distracted.

Essentially, a distraction is attractive because of two reasons:

  1. It gives us pleasure
  2. It takes pain away

When we indulge in a distraction, we focus our time and energy on something that is inherently more pleasurable than what we are currently doing.  Solving that problem is hard, so I’ll just surf on Facebook instead, right?  Finishing this document is going to take some time, so let me squeeze in 30 minutes on the phone with my friend.  Making that call to the customer will be challenging, so let me read the news first.  The reason these things are attractive is because they either give us pleasure or take some pain away.

I would like to challenge you to record everything you do in one day and how much time you spend doing it.  You can do this tomorrow.  As a distraction comes into play, jot down the circumstances surrounding it and how you chose to respond.  BE HONEST!!!  You might be surprised at just how many distractions are being thrown your way all day long and what is triggering them!

Here is an example for you….

I get home from work and I need to get dinner on. I am on my way to the kitchen and one of my kids comes flying downstairs in a panic because he can’t find his keys and he is going to be late for work. I have a choice to make whether his emergency is going to become my emergency, or not.

Remember those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books? I used to love those when I was a kid! Here’s my chance to see the different ways this could turn out….

  1. I could join his emergency and lose the time I need to get dinner started and then have to just order pizza because I am out of time and my family will eat unhealthy food and I will feel horrible about it.
  2. I could say some mean words to him, scolding him for being so careless and continue on with getting dinner going. He will feel horrible about himself by the time he gets to work.
  3. I could let him use my keys and no lesson will be learned but the panic will leave my house and I can stay calm.
  4. I can prepare some food for him to take with him to work and cheer him on, in finding his keys, while I get dinner ready.

I don’t know about you, but this is real life stuff in my house. Also, one thing I’ve noticed is that the more I choose behaviors that make me feel bad like giving cutting responses or jumping to every rescue, that makes me want to spend even more time doing distracting activities because the last thing I want to do is dwell on feeling bad about myself.  YIKES!!!

You might already know the areas in your life that you have a tendency to be the most distracted by and with. If that is the case, it is time to call the distractions what they are, move forward full speed ahead, and get them out of your way!!!

You need to overcompensate in the areas where you are the most distracted!

What does this look like in real life??? 

  • If Facebook is a distraction, turn off the alerts to your phone.
  • If the computer in general is a distraction, turn the parental controls on YOU!!!
  • If people are a distraction, schedule in certain times in your day to answer phone calls, texts, emails, phone calls, etc.
  • If YOU are doing all the parenting/watching your kids while your spouse watches TV, make it a point to get out of the house and see friends at least one night a week to give your hubby that father time he needs!

God calls us to give every aspect of our lives 110% of all we’ve got.  We owe it to Him and every single life we come in contact with to be our best and not let these fiery darts cause us to falter. When we are distracted our joy gets stolen and it becomes harder and harder to get it back. Things like Facebook, family time, helping a friend, and watching TV are not inherently bad things at all…. But being undisciplined and unintentional about the time we spend on them is not honoring our Heavenly Father with our time that He has so graciously given us!

 

Blessings,

Coach Megan 🙂

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Stress Management

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Dear Megan,

I have been feeling really overloaded and burned out lately and I’m not sure what to do to make it stop. I was on your GCH call last week and I completed the exercise you gave us and talked about in your blog last Friday…. but I just feel stuck with what to do next. I know I need to delegate more and God showed me some tasks He does not intend for me to do, but I feel like I could be handling it all (especially the stress) better. I’m hoping you can give me some advice on this!

~M.

Sweet sister,

Thank you for taking the first step by doing that exercise from last week ! I pray it was a blessing for you to be able to see in black and white how you are spending your precious resource of time. Our world makes it easy for us to feel overloaded, over burdened and over worked! What I heard through your cry for help is that you are looking for some practical stress-management tools to help you now that you are beginning to spend your time more wisely (as God intends you to).

Adopting healthy stress management skills will enable you to slow down, stop, yield and reduce speed at appropriate intervals on your path of life. In turn, your pace will be regulated and you will be lifted out of the ditch of overload and burnout. As you work through this exercise, you will see how you can begin to walk the road to transformation in the peaceful assurance that God will never call you to do more than He gives you time and ability to do (1 Thessalonians 5:24).

SLOW

{Slow down and make the necessary changes for good physical health}

  • Do you eat a balanced and healthy diet?
  • Do you exercise at least three times a week?
  • Do you take at least one day of rest per week?
  • Do you get adequate restful sleep most nights?

Psalm 127:2

 In vain you rise early and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to those he loves.

{Slow down and evaluate your priorities}

  • Do the exercise from last week if you have not done so (Link up above)
  • Consider other priorities that should be on the list
  • Choose your commitments with careful prayer
  • Eliminate unnecessary stressful obligations
  • Don’t accept impossible deadlines
  • Don’t give in to the pressure of urgency
  • Tackle only one problem at a time

Ecclesiastes 4:6

Better one handful with tranquility
    than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.

{Slow down and nourish your spiritual life}

  • Remind yourself daily to “be still, and know that (He is) God” {Psalm 46:10}
  • Open lines of honest communication with God about your concerns, needs, and fears
  • Set aside time daily for personal prayer and Scripture meditation
  • Memorize Scripture that builds assurance of God’s love {Psalm 36:7; Jeremiah 31:3; John 14:21; Romans 8:39}

Psalm 119:71

It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees

STOP

{Stop and look at the real reason you are experiencing stress}

  • Do you try to meet your own needs instead of waiting on the Lord?
  • Do you think God cannot accomplish His purposes without your over-achieving?
  • Do you seek self-worth through proving your adequacy and effectiveness?
  • Are you Spirit-led or people-pressured?

Galatians 1:10

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people?  If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

{Stop, confess and turn away from any known sin in your life}

  • Do you manipulate or control others?
  • Do you feel envious or jealous of others?
  • Do you express your feelings inappropriately?
  • Do you overreact to criticism?
  • Do you have impure motives?

Proverbs 28:13

Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper,
    but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

YIELD

{Yield to God’s sovereign control over your circumstances}

  • What is God doing in your circumstances?
  • In what way does God want you to change?
  • How does God want you to respond?
  • Do you have impure motives?

Proverbs 21:1

A king’s heart is like streams of water in the Lord’s hand:
He directs it wherever He chooses.

{Yield to God your rights and expectations}

Dear God,

  • “I yield my right to control my circumstances.”
  • “I yield my right to be accepted by others.”
  • “I yield my right to be successful.”
  • “I yield my right to be heard and understood.”
  • “I yield my right to be right.”

Proverbs 3:5

 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding

RESUME SPEED

{Resume speed, living in the presence of God}

Dear God,

  • “I choose to let Christ live His life through me.”
  • “I choose to live in the present, not worrying about tomorrow.”
  • “I choose to refocus my thoughts away from my pressures to Your purposes for allowing these pressures.”
  • “I choose to have a thankful heart regardless of the pressure I feel.”
  • “I choose to call on You, Lord, for wisdom and peace.”
  • “I choose to commit to talking less and listening more.”

Psalm 62:1

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him

Blessings,

Coach Megan 🙂

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Managing Your Time

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This past Tuesday night I had the privilege of being a part of an incredible conference call with many of you and my dear friend Crystal Breaux. I gave a little assignment on the call and I know that many of you have taken me up on it with much success! Praise God! I thought it might help to give you more in-depth background on this subject of time management and the exercise as a whole. I pray this is a blessing to all of you!

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As Christian women, it is incumbent upon us to achieve good time management skills. We need to be on time for appointments, conference calls, or any of the millions of events we commit to. Some of us already have these skills and others of us need to do more work in this area.

I have found that when the events you commit to line up with your values, you have less of a struggle with participating or completing them. When events are contrary to what you feel is right, is it any wonder why confusion or stress can result? It has been said that if we do not control the events in our lives, then the events can overrun and begin to control us. So, my friends, now is the time to take control of our time and begin to prioritize more effectively!

I certainly know this first hand…. From the outside looking in, I have a pretty busy life as all of you do. I am a mom to 3 teens and 2 young adults (all 5  live under our roof.) I have a husband who travels just about every week for 3-4 days…so most of the time, I am a “single mom.” I work 20+ hours a week outside my home and I work 20+ hours a week as a Christian Life Coach. We lead a bible study in our home Friday nights and I volunteer with the high school kids Thursday nights at our church…and then there’s all of my other household duties, appointments, dates, etc.

Are you still with me?

To some of us, this may sound easy and others may feel overwhelmed by this concept, but God does not call us to anxiety or confusion…. That all comes from the Devil and he would love nothing more than to de-rail your day from the Lord’s purposes in your life. How much longer do you plan on letting satan win?

First, we need to understand event control: There are only 2 types of events

  1. The events we cannot control: traffic, weather, time of day, other people, your family
  2. The events we can control: the time I get up, the foods I eat, my exercise program, how I allow others to make me feel, and who my friends are

The problem lies in the basic thought patterns of most individuals…. There are some events in life I CANNOT control, but I believe I CAN!! There are some events in life I CAN control, but I believe I CANNOT.

We cannot control people, places, or things. The only thing in life we can truly control is ourselves. Also, others cannot make us feel a particular way, without our permission. If we feel bad, we have allowed this. It takes a conscious decision to feel good and remain positive…. understanding these concepts and successfully living them out will save you a lot of time!!!

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!”

~The Serenity Prayer

Increasing Productivity

When we control our events, we have increased productivity, thus, higher self-esteem! People who feel good about themselves produce good results! Isn’t it true that when you take the time to plan your day, you accomplish more than when you fly by the seat of your pants? Isn’t it rewarding to check off the things on your list and see what you have completed?

Ideally, your first step is to get a day planner or learn a new application in your smart phone. I prefer Microsoft Outlook because for my job, I spend much of my day on the computer and Outlook also syncs to my other mobile devices. In that calendar or day planner, you will be able to organize your day from morning ’til night. The benefit of this is that you will be able to see exactly how you spend each hour of your day.

I have an exercise for you to make you aware of how you currently spend your time:

First, begin by writing everything you do in real time as you go throughout your day. This includes everything from saying your prayers to brushing your teeth to having lunch with your favorite friend. Everything takes time! Next to each event, write down the time it takes to do it. Do this for three days to evaluate how you spend your time.

Next, you must plan your days’ events with priorities in mind. Use a letter A to indicate high value priorities, B for medium value priorities, and C for low value priorities.

  • An  A  event is a “MUST” (doctor appointment, boss meeting, pick kids up from school, etc.)
  • B  event is a “should do” (getting your car washed, calling your mother-in-law, sending a card to a friend)
  • C  event is a “could do” (read a good book, a sale at the mall, etc.)

       ****can you make any into a D event and DELEGATE????

This is a great way to see what we deem as most important in our lives. Is God really first? Or do we just say He is and put Him on the C list??? When we look at our list it is important to realize that no matter what, we should get every A event accomplished…then we can go to the B and C events are those we can push to the next day or things we can fit in if time allows.

What we realize when we schedule everything we do, like watching TV and spending time with our spouse, is that we sometimes spend more time watching TV than we do spending time with our spouse! The problem most people don’t realize is that WE CANNOT MAKE UP TIME!!! Once time is wasted, we cannot get it back. There will be time for re-runs of your favorite show, but if you show up for TV more than you do for your spouse, you may be watching those re-runs alone!

Optimum time management is when my behavior is in line with my values!!!

 To help you decide how to spend your day, pray for God to give you discernment. What is important and what is not? By listing all the things you do each day, you can begin to see what it is you spend your time doing. Most of us waste time, but until we look at it in black and white, we have trouble seeing it.

I spend the first 45 minutes of my morning with God every single day and since I have let Him have complete control of my to-do list, I am amazed with all I get done and how good I feel about it! I live for Him, so its silly for me to think that I can actually control my day! I can create boundaries around the tasks God wants me to complete but that’s about the extent of the control I have on my days!

We must live our everyday life and fulfill our obligations.

The Universal to-do list looks something like this:

  • Work (meetings, marketing/ publicity, desk tasks, planning, billing, reading, writing)
  • Errands (banking, gas station, post office, cleaners)
  • Children (school, lessons, sports, car pool, play dates, parties)
  • Appointments (health, fitness, beauty, car, animals)
  • Shopping (food, clothing, home, gifts)
  • Correspondence (bills, letters, cards, packages)
  • Home (cleaning, laundry, cooking, repairs, entertaining, gardening, decorating)
  • Family (holidays, reunions, get-togethers)
  • Friends (dinners, hobbies, coffee dates)
  • Church/Community (attend church, fundraising, service projects, Bible study)
  • Personal (rest, introspection, relaxation, grooming, creativity, education, pleasure)

Life is made up of one resource: TIME. You do have choices on how you spend your time. Start by considering why you waste time on the things that do not agree with your priorities based on what your values are. Re-evaluate the importance of these events.

Life is too short to waste because you can never recover what you lost. When you realize this, you will see the changes you can implement. You will then begin to experience relief when you have more time to spend on the things you cherish and less time on the things you don’t.

How to realistically manage your time wasters (TV, Facebook, email, phone, etc…)

I schedule it in! Seriously! It might look like I am on Facebook all day because I have it available to me on mobile devices, but I only really spend TIME on Facebook in the morning and in the evening for a half hour at a time, if that.

I do not answer my phone every time it rings and I do not answer emails as soon as I get one. I carve out periods of time in my day for those things. Now, if it is my spouse or one of my kids, I answer when I can; but for calls that I KNOW are not urgent, I give them a backseat until the time I have scheduled for that. Otherwise, I would let my day get de-railed all over the place! Satan would love that, right?

You might not like to hear this, but I don’t watch TV. Now, I have other ways I unwind, but TV is not one of them. I like to play words with friends or read a book, but that time is scheduled and it is a “C” item for me…as time permits. God is so good, He knows when I need that time and He always makes a way for me to have it!

Now…. have you done this exercise yet? I would love to hear your thoughts in a comment below!

Blessings,

Coach Megan 🙂

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: In God’s Strength

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Hey sweet lady,
How does a working mom balance time for kids, home, work, church, etc when husband travels for his job?  Brian’s job has been more stressful & time consuming than I thought it would be a year ago.  I’m left to manage EVERYTHING for the household and lately have been reprimanded for being too grumpy.  How do I keep things running smoothly without feeling resentful, unappreciated, etc for what I do?
~AB
My Dear AB,
Ah… I know this world you speak of all too well and my husband has traveled for work for the past few years, At first, I was a HOT MESS…. but I have learned strategies that have helped so much! There are many layers to your question…. but they all come down to RELATIONSHIP!
Your relationship with God
Your relationship with your Husband
…and, yes… in that order!
***I could easily write whole blog posts on each item listed below… so please forgive me if I am too vague or if you need more clarification. I will do my best to share with you what has worked well in my own family and I am more than happy to expand on any of these suggestions in future blog posts or in comments on today’s blog!
The more intimate your walk with the Lord, the better you will handle every single situation and circumstance that life brings your way!
  1. Be consistent with your daily quiet time and be in The Word.
  2. Keep God with you throughout your day.
  3. Let God prioritize your day! Don’t give HIM your to-do list… give it up to HIM and I promise you, what MUST get done will get done… in perfect timing!
  4. Take a look at all you do in one day and ask God if there is anything you can delegate or anything you have taken on that HE is not intending for you to do in this season. If He shows you anything that falls into these categories, give them up.
  5. Give yourself a “time-out” when you need it to re-center and focus and not be “grumpy.”

The stronger your relationship is with your husband, the better you will handle every single situation and circumstance that your kids bring your way! 

  1. Submit to his authority and let him handle the big stuff…. even while out-of-town.
  2. You both need to be on the same page with boundaries and consequences (good and bad) with the kids.
  3. Clear expectations need to be set with the kids. We call it our family’s “culture” and I highly recommend drawing up a family constitution together with the kids so that everyone has input and understands what is expected of them.
  4. Woo your husband even {and especially} when he is out-of-town.
  5. Stay positive and know that this, too, shall pass!

Philippians 4:11-12

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,

whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Philippians 2:14

Do all things without grumbling or arguing

God calls us to be content in all situations and circumstances. That is not an easy task, but it IS possible through God! I know how hard it is to stay content when you have so much pulling at you and you feel as if you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Where we get into trouble is when we start doing things for people and not for God. You are not here on this earth to please your husband, kids, friends, or even your boss! If you truly are living to please our Heavenly Father, that will help you maintain the proper perspective no matter what curve balls get thrown your way! Yes, people might not like what you do or how you handle something, but as long as you know that your actions, words, responses (not reactions) are in line with God’s Word and His commands, that ultimately is what matters.
Remember, feelings can be so deceptive! If something happens and you feel out of sorts, the first thing you need to do is ask yourself…
Is this really a BIG deal? {If your answer is yes OR no: Why is this hurting my heart? What “button” is this pushing?}
  1. Check your heart condition! {Most of the time if something happens that is small but our reaction is BIG…. we need to check the condition of our own heart}
  2. Go to God and let Him fill that space! No one else needs to own what is yours to go to God with!
Dear Lord, comfort my sweet sister and help her to know that You are always near and ready for her to run into Your arms when she is feeling overwhelmed, over tired, and over burdened. Strengthen her and help her to find the balance she so desperately needs. I pray that You strengthen her marriage as they are one accord and may YOU always be at the center of every decision and conversation, Father. Direct their steps and keep them all safe when Mr. AB is out-of-town. I thank you in advance for all you will do! In Jesus’ mighty name I pray, Amen. <3
Blessings,
Coach Megan 🙂 

Resolution for Women: Chapter 11 Review

1 John 3:18

“We must not love with word or speech, but with truth and action.”

___________________________

Loving our children through action is not something that I have been the best at doing!  I have to admit that right here, and right now, that I have not always been the best at showing my love to my children, or my grandchildren.  I haven’t been the best at sharing the joy they all give me when I am with them, or when I think of them.  I know I have a lot of things to work on….and this chapter was a reminder of that…loud and clear.

My children are grown and gone.  I am the mother to two beautiful daughters, and two amazing step-sons.  I LOVE these kids with all my heart and soul, but to be honest, I have a hard time showing them how I feel about them.  I KNOW I need to work on this!

I am the grandmother to ten of the most amazing grandchildren, ranging in age from 15 yrs old to 10 months.  I have to admit that it hurts when I hear “Nonnie, I don’t like coming to your house because it’s boring.”  And you know what?  They are right!  It is boring here!  I AM BORING!

I have had to sit back this week and really look at who I am to my kids and grandkids.  Do they really know how much I love them?  Do they really know how much they mean to me?  Do they really know how BLESSED I feel to be their mom, step-mom, and grandmother?  I’m not sure of that answer.

As I’ve read this chapter and prayed about what I was going to share today, I really felt that I needed to remind all of us who are mothers and grandmothers, what an awesome privilege we’ve been given by God to have these amazing little people in our lives.

We need to realize what a huge honor it is to have been trusted by God to rear these beautiful creatures that He created.

We need to realize what an honor it is to be called Mother and Grandmother.

For those of you don’t have children yet, you need to realize what a huge impact you can have on your nieces and nephews, or your neighbors kids, or friends kids!  What an honor it is to be able to share the love of Christ with them.  Don’t let an empty womb stop you from reaching out to others kids and being the Light in their worlds!

We need to realize what a joy it can be to rear these amazing little creatures into responsible, amazing, God-honoring, adults, who in turn, give the same to others in their lives.

We also need to realize that it’s never too late to start.  THAT is where I am today, at this very moment.

I RESOLVE, FROM THIS MOMENT ON TO BE THE BEST MOM, STEP-MOM, AND NONNIE THAT I CAN BE.  I resolve to teach my kids even more who Christ is.  I resolve to continue to teach my grandkids who Jesus is, and why He is important to them.  I resolve to become a better step-mother.  I resolve to become a better mom.  I resolve to stop being boring!!  (this is a big one, by the way!! LOL)

I want God to bless my children and grandchildren, and what better way than to start being a blessing to them.

Granted, I haven’t been a horrible mother and grandmother.  But, I have much room for improvement!  And that is what I am going to focus on.

I want to encourage you to find something that your child, young or old, loves doing and then make a promise to yourself that you are going to step out on a limb, out of your comfort zone, and actually DO that thing, whatever it is, with them!  Maybe your son loves football.  Go to a football with him.  Maybe your daughter loves designer clothes, or funky clothes.  Go find a funky clothing store and go shopping with her.  Maybe your grandson loves playing in the sand.  Go find a place that you and he can go to build sand castles together!  Maybe your granddaughter loves being a princess.  Find a place that will allow her to try on princess gowns, and take pictures.  Whatever it is, DO SOMETHING with them!!  REACH OUT TO THEM!!  I’m preaching to the choir here, too, Ladies.

As I write, I am becoming more and more excited to step out of my normal boring “mom/Nonnie” mode, into the world that allows me to create precious memories together with my kids, and grandkids.  It all starts with me.

It ALL starts with ME.  I have a choice to be the kind of person I want to be in the lives of these precious souls in my life.  I have a choice to be a part of their lives, or not be a part.  I have a choice what part I want to play in their lives.  A significant part, or nothing at all.  It IS MY CHOICE!

I have the choice to sit down with my kids and tell them just how much I love them, and then SHOW them!!  I was speaking to my Life Coach today about this very topic today.  She gave me some amazing ideas on how to love on them in action, not just in word.  Sending little care packages to them, far or near.  Sending cards in the mail.  Sending coupons that allows them to pick a special place that they want to go on their birthday, with YOU!!  Sending them their favorite candy.  Sending them a magazine, for the older kids, of their favorite sport, dreams, or hobbies.  Thinking outside the box on how to better love on them!  Pinterest has some amazing ideas on FUN activities for kids.

Granted, life is not all about having fun with our kids….but it IS about creating memories.  Good memories.  Memories that your kids/grandkids will look back on and smile.  Attending my stepfathers’ funeral this week helped me realize the many wonderful memories that I have of him.  I want my kids / grandkids to look back on my life, when that day comes, and say “I will miss the amazing times we had together!”  What a beautiful legacy to leave behind!

 

Loving My Children

I will demonstrate to my children how to love God with all their hearts, minds, and strength, and will train them to respect authority and live responsibly.

I will also resolve to make time for each of my children to spend quality time with them, and get to know them and who God created them to be.

I will also resolve to put aside the “stuff” of the day once a week to do something FUN with my kids!

(Okay, so the last two lines are mine!!)

 

If you are ready to sign your name to this weeks resolution,

please join me.

Christi Wilson

September 14, 2012

_________________________

Your Assignment:

Today, I challenge YOU.  What will YOU do this weekend to show your love to your child?   Tell us about it, and how you approach your child or grandchild with this idea.  If you need ideas, go to Pinterest or call a friend and brainstorm together.  Whatever you do, DO SOMETHING!! 🙂   Pray and ask God to give you ideas….He will answer those prayers!!

___________________________

Let’s Pray:

Oh Father God, I admit that being a mom can sometimes be one of the hardest jobs You have ever given me.  There are times where I just want to give up, and say I quit!  There are times where I feel so very inadequate.  And times, where I wouldn’t trade my job for anything in the world!  Lord, I need You every single day to help me be the BEST Mom/Grandmother I can be.  I pray that You will guide each one of us Lord and give us the wisdom, courage, boldness, and JOY, that it takes to be a Mom / Grandmother.

Lord, for those women who do not have children, I pray that You will give them ideas on how they can reach out to the children in their family, neighborhood, church, or community.  Lord, help them be the Light that You have created them to be in the lives of kids who need it.  Help them to see that they have a very important role in the lives of children all around them, and then help them do what You have called them to do.

Lord, I give You all praise, glory, and honor for all that You are, all that You have been, and all that You will be in our lives, and in our kids/grandkids lives.  In Jesus’ precious Name, AMEN!

___________________________

I’ll be back on Sunday to post your reading assignment for next week!

Living Intentionally to Be the BEST Mom and Nonnie that I Can Be Through Him,

Resolution for Women- The Encourager

1 John 3:18

“We must not love with word or speech, but with truth and action.”

_____________________________________

The Intentional Encourager

 In our chapter, Priscilla was amazed that a very young 22-year-old Solomon – when given the opportunity to gain health, wealth, prosperity, and prestige – asked God simply for WISDOM to lead the people he was made king over.  This amazed me as well.  I have 4 children ranging in age from 17-26 and if given the opportunity to gain health, wealth, and prosperity OR wisdom – my crowd would certainly choose health, wealth, and prosperity. What child this age today wouldn’t?  Once again, like Priscilla, my initial thoughts were the same – King David certainly must have raised his child the right way ~ a way different from what I raised my own.  Do you see the similarities of this situation with times today?  They really aren’t any different.  We all have character defects or deficiencies, we all make errors in judgement and King David did as well.  Priscilla says, ‘He made some colossal mistakes in both his personal life and his parenting’; as we all have done and continue to do.

  ‘My son Solomon – God has chosen him alone – is young and inexperienced. The task is great, because this palatial structure is not for man but for the Lord God.’            Chronicles 29:1-2

Solomon has been instructed to build God’s temple – did you get that?  God’s temple!  That is HUGE! …..and although he recognizes that his son is “young and inexperienced”, he also realizes that he is the chosen one.  That God chose Solomon to be king, to lead his people, to get His temple built.  Now it is his job to support, encourage, and most of all BELIEVE and have faith in his son to accomplish this undertaking. David does just that.

Like most parents, I have high expectations for my son and daughters.  I want them to have wisdom, health, wealth, prestige and all the blessings God promises in His word.  Unfortunately there have been many choices made by my children that were not in their best interest, that go against God’s instruction – that have caused me to lose faith in them, that have caused me to stop believing in them in many areas.  Shame on me.   I certainly was not perfect growing up and only in the last 4-5 years have built a relationship with Jesus Christ that has given me the desire and conviction to make my life’s decisions based on my Heavenly Father’s desires, the desires found in His word.  God didn’t give up on me.  God believed in me.  However, it remains very hard difficult to give my children that same gift (virtually impossible! – although we know with God all things are possible!)

As God’s child,  He was with me every step of the way growing up.  I know this because I should have been a ‘street kid’.  As a teenager my brother and I were being raised by my father.  He left our house to move in with his girlfriend and we had free reign.  Our dad wasn’t there giving us parental guidance, he wasn’t cooking for us or taking care of us.  I remember living in that mobile home (our home), just me and my brother (who was only 18 months younger than me) wanting to take care of him. There was no desire to ‘party’ as many teenagers do today. There was no desire to stay out until all hours or to do drugs or drink. God delivered us from what could have been a disastrous young adulthood.  He gave us wisdom.

The lesson being taught to us today is that we MUST be INTENTIONAL (and we have heard this word throughout many chapters n our study) with our children.  We must INTENTIONALLY encourage them, we must INTENTIONALLY provide them support (and I’m not talking about financial support or treasures), we must INTENTIONALLY believe in them.  We have to trust that our Heavenly Father has them – after all, they are His children.  We are simply here to give them earthly guidance and support until such day that they are reunited with their Father in heaven.  They are on loan to us.  We must never give up providing them with the spiritual food they need to get to know their daddy.  We must believe that they are going to do GREAT things in the course of their lives, that they too will build a relationship with God that will allow them to give their children what David did to Solomon.  This is a hard task ladies – a tough, tough task.  It is for me anyway – maybe it’s easier for you guys.  Perhaps you are in a different place in your life than I am in mine.  However, the lesson remains the same.  BE INTENTIONAL with your children.  As we have read in the past chapters, our jobs as parents don’t end when our children become adults.  Even with our grown children we must be INTENTIONAL in our actions towards them and continue to ‘train them up’ in the ways of the Lord. We must believe in them, encourage them, and support them – Intentionally. What incredible life gifts for them!

Let’s Pray:

Father, work in our lives.   Work in my heart Lord and in the heart of every reader here.  Allow us to become convicted and determined to be INTENTIONAL with our children AND the children of this world – those in our churches, in our communities, in  other cities and countries we visit.  Especially those father that do not have a parental figure in their lives.   You know every situation Father – for every parent and every child.  Provide us with the wisdom, guidance, and gentle nudges OR large pushes necessary to give our children the gift of belief in them, of encouragement, and the desire to continue spiritually feeding them regardless of where they are today in their personal lives.  May we be more like David in our daily walk with our children.

Your Assignment:

List some of the immature actions and temperaments in your children that may discourage you.  Keep this list in a place where you can always be reminded to pray regarding them, and consider who you can enlist to encourage your child in these areas (along side of you).  Carefully consider how you can make the overarching tone of your relationship with your child one of encouragement.  Please comment and let us know how we can pray for you in your walk, attempting to be more like David with Solomon.  or God with us.

[My note:  It is very difficult for me personally, psychologically, to see the roses over the thorns many times with my children.  This prohibits me from giving them the encouragement that I need to.  Especially with my son, who is covered in thorns.  This lesson has challenged me.  I will be praying for each of you in your own lives and request you cover my family in yours. Thank you for this.]__________________

Don’t forget, on October 1st, we will begin our brand new Online Bible Study, right here, entitled “Winning Him Without Words” by Lynn Donovan and Dineen Miller.  If you are in an unequally spiritual marriage, you won’t want to miss this study!!  It is AMAZING! (as a personal note, I have read this book – I have communicated with these authors over the past year and they are amazing.  Their personal stories changed my life.  Their words confirmed what my own pastor said when he counseled me in my own marriage.  I pray that you will join us for this study as well!)

To sign up for this study, please send an email to:  Womens@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com and we will send you all the details you need to get started!

Don’t forget to stop by Craig’s blog to see what the guys are up to with The Resolution for Men.

www.adversusmundi.wordpress.com

Be sure to jump on over to our Facebook Group for the daily activity!! If you do not yet belong to this group, and would like to, send us an email at GirlfriendsCoffeeHour@gmail.com with FB GROUP in the subject line, and we’ll be glad to add you!

 With the greatest love ever and many hugs,

<3 Kelley

Resolution for Women- The Soul Shaper

1 John 3:18

“We must not love with word or speech, but with truth and action.”

___________________________

In today’s lesson, Priscilla talks about 3 roles a mother must take on if they are going to love their children well….

The Soul Shaper

The Intentional Encourager

The Discipline Dealer

Mama and dear friend…. I need you to understand right now that YOU are a soul shaper for your children.

It is so vitally important that we pray for our children. These prayers need to start forming in our spirit before we even have them and they must continue to grace our hearts and lips even after they leave our nest and have their own homes and children.

A Soul shaper must….

  • beware that her prayers for her child are significant
  • understand that once her child has received salvation, she is God’s primary tool to work alongside the Holy Spirit to see that the transforming process occurs effectively in her child’s soul.
  • know that she cannot accomplish this without involving her church and relatives to assist in the effort.
  • know along with her spouse that the main responsibility of this soul shaping is theirs.
  • not allow anyone else to take her or her spouse’s place as the primary influencers in the child’s life
  • help the child to become sensitive to God’s conviction
  • teach the child how to recognize God’s way of directing them through their conscience
  • continue to walk this out along with the Holy Spirit as the child grows and matures.
  • continue to seek the Lord for guidance for how she can be used to guide her children in their adult lives.

Dear friends, I hope with all my heart that you see what an intentionally BOLD role you play as your child’s soul shaper! You cannot be lazy about it or turn a blind eye. You must intentionally, every single day make this deliberate choice to invite the Holy Spirit to help you in your actions and speech in order to mold your child’s soul. What an honor and privilege!!!

Please…. if you haven’t already been walking out this bold task, start today. Don’t look back but look straight ahead at what the Lord is asking of you on behalf of His children that He has entrusted you with on this earth. HE deserves no less and neither do they. You will not be perfect… I hope you know that and are okay with that. Being human, we are flawed…. but what is so important is that you believe with your whole heart that your parenting is KINGDOM BUSINESS!!!!

You also must come at this call from a proactive stance and not one of defense. Don’t wait until your child is in trouble to cover them in scripture… we must each live each day being creative and consistent in how we clothe our children in the Word of God. What does this look like?

  • diligently and deliberately read the Bible to your kids
  • post scripture throughout the house
  • play worship music
  • be in fellowship with other believers
  • write scripture on the napkin in their lunch for school
  • send them scriptures in txt messages and emails
  • do devotional together as a family
  • ___________________________. (you fill in the blank)

we all know that if WE as women and mothers love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, that we can only then be able to fill this role to its potential and be our best for our children. If you are not regularly in the Word and being fed spiritually…. make it happen today. If you’re not going to church regularly, start this weekend. Your children, wether unborn, non-biological or adult NEED you to! As Priscilla so eloquently puts it….

“A transformed child start with a transformed mom”

________________________

Let’s Pray:

Lord, we ask that you give us bold revelation into this area of our lives today. We don’t want to be the same, Father…. we yearn to be THIS deliberate for our children, who are your’s first. Renew our hearts, minds and spirits to be able to give each of them all we have everyday to work alongside the Holy Spirit in shaping their souls. Thank you for this provision, Lord, and we thank you in advance for all you will do. Amen <3

Your Assignment:

Please leave a comment below telling us how you can creatively live your Christian life openly before your children… in REAL LIFE…. be realistic here, friends and tell us what you are already doing or what you are going to do. If you don;t have children of your own, tell us how you can do this with other children in your life. If your kids are grown, how can you begin to think outside the box to do this? If your children are very young, how can you creatively do this now?

___________________

Don’t forget, on October 1st, we will begin our brand new Online Bible Study, right here, entitled “Winning Him Without Words” by Lynn Donovan and Dineen Miller.  If you are in an unequally spiritual marriage, you won’t want to miss this study!!  It is AMAZING!

To sign up for this study, please send an email to:  Womens@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com and we will send you all the details you need to get started!

Don’t forget to stop by Craig’s blog to see what the guys are up to with The Resolution for Men.

www.adversusmundi.wordpress.com

Be sure to jump on over to our Facebook Group for the daily activity!! If you do not yet belong to this group, and would like to, send us an email at GirlfriendsCoffeeHour@gmail.com with FB GROUP in the subject line, and we’ll be glad to add you!

 Be a Blessing today and everyday,

Megan 🙂

Resolution for Women – True Love

1 John 3:18

“We must not love with word or speech, but with truth and action.”

___________________________

Are you a “loving” mom, or a mom who is “in-love” with your child?

Is it important to you to be your child’s best friend, or to be one that shows them true love?

I’ve been both.  I’ve been the one that shows love discipline and teaching; and I’ve been the one who just wants to be their best friend!  Let’s fact it, parenting is not for the faint-hearted, is it??

Priscilla makes some very good points in this chapter:

  • Our primary goal as mothers is teaching our children God’s truth.
  • Love doesn’t always come in the form of words.
  • Love is an action.
  • Parenting is not an easy job!
  • Parenting is a rewarding job!
  • A fair share of your actions toward your children will not always translate love.
  • Sometimes kids see our love action as being too strict, or overbearing.

I remember times when my kids were little when they used to think that I was over-protective, to the point that they told all their friends that I wouldn’t let them play out in the street for fear that a plane would crash into them! 🙂  Yes, it was a joke, but in their eyes, they really did see me as too protective.  In my eyes, I was loving them.  Huge difference.

We used to laugh about the plane crashing into them, but today they are both mothers, and the one daughter who used to joke about the plane the most, is the mom who is the strictest with her children! Ha!    I just want to look at her one day and say “When will the plane crash??” 🙂

I’ve seen parents who think their only responsibility is to be “friends” with their kids.  Friends to the point that it was unheard of to say “no” to their kids.  I saw this in my own home when my husband and I moved under one roof.  He had two teenage boys still at home, and his only goal was to be their friend.  All I saw was two boys who were headed for a serious crash when the reality of True Life hit them!  They had much to learn that life wasn’t all about getting whatever they wanted, when they wanted it.  This type of “friendship” with his boys caused us, and the boys, a lot of heartache for the first few years as a family.  But, my husband began to see how important it was to change that relationship with his boys and start teaching them to be responsible adults, who would be ready for real life when they left home.  It wasn’t an easy change-over, that’s for sure.  But we all made it out alive, Praise God!

Really, the only advice I can give new parents, or parents with fairly young children at home, please stop worrying about being their best friend!  As Priscilla said in this chapter, True Love is serious business!  We have the responsibility of training this human life in the way he/she should go, so that when they are old, they will not depart from it.  Your children need YOU to be a parent….not their friend.  There’s always time to be their best friend later in years, when they really need it!

As my youngest said to me one day, “Mom, you were always the hardest on us; but because you were, I always knew that you loved us.”  You will never know what music that was to my ears!

________________________

Let’s Pray:

Father, we lift our children to You today and we thank You for the awesome responsibility You have given us.  We thank You Lord for loaning these children to us for a short period of time, to train them in the way they should go.  We thank You Lord for the patience we will need during this time of actually demonstrating our love through action, and not just through words.  Help us Lord to be the parent that YOU need us to be for each child in our life.

Father, for struggling families out there, Lord, I ask for Your help in repairing damage that has already been done.  Help restore the relationships that have gone sour.  Help restore forgiveness, as well, Lord.

In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!!

Your Assignment:

Please leave a comment below telling us in what way you struggle the most in demonstrating love to your child, in action. How can we pray for you today to have a better relationship with your child(ren)?

___________________

Don’t forget, on October 1st, we will begin our brand new Online Bible Study, right here, entitled “Winning Him Without Words” by Lynn Donovan and Dineen Miller.  If you are in an unequally spiritual marriage, you won’t want to miss this study!!  It is AMAZING!

To sign up for this study, please send an email to:  Womens@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com and we will send you all the details you need to get started!

Don’t forget to stop by Craig’s blog to see what the guys are up to with The Resolution for Men.

www.adversusmundi.wordpress.com

 

Be sure to jump on over to our Facebook Group for the daily activity!! If you do not yet belong to this group, and would like to, send us an email at GirlfriendsCoffeeHour@gmail.com with FB GROUP in the subject line, and we’ll be glad to add you!

 

That’s it for today!  Megan will be here tomorrow blogging about the next chapter, “The Soul Shaper”.  I hope you will join us!

 

Living Intentionally to Be a Blessing to My Children,