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Winning Him Without Words: Pick and Choose Your Battles / Stand up or Shut up

November 12, 2012 by

Is it really necessary to win an argument?  Why do we want “to win”?

Do we feel that when we do, we have some kind of special power over the other person?

How many of us were/are like the little six year old in our lesson today, when we don’t win, we bawl(cry), we mouth words back to the person showing our total disappointment and we don’t stop doing these things until we get a point across to them in hopes to get a little reward in something.   Probably most of us can answer yes to this question/thought.

Each of us have something growing inside of us that likes “the victory” moments to occur, we like to be able to say “see there I did that” or “I won that”…..and for some reason we especially like to have those moments with our husbands for some reason.     We feel like when we win a battle that we have won the most ultimate gift of the day until tomorrow when something else happens and we are trying all over “to win again”.

I am here to say we will “NEVER” win, not the true gift anyway as long as we are just trying to win a “daily battle/conflict” in our marriage, because you see all those are just temporary “wins”, they have no meaning, they have no permanence, all they have is a temporary feeling and then they start all over the next morning.

Do we sit and think about the daily battles “before” we choose one to battle over?   I love what Gods Word tells us In Luke 21:14 NIV “but make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves.

This verse tells us that we are able to make a decision not to worry, that we should Resolve and settle in our minds not to meditate and prepare beforehand how we will make our defense and how we will answer.

To meditate means to roll something around in our mind. Worry is simply rolling unpleasant possibilities around in our minds. Not to prepare beforehand how we will responsd to those who disagree with us is a real step of faith. We are then forced to rely on whatever God brings to our minds. By not preparing a battle and rolling these scenarios around in our minds we are now opening our minds instead to receive wisdom from God.

Worry can sneak up on us and we find all sorts of negative possibilities seeping into our minds uninvited and unwelcome, it is when conflicts in our marriage will begin to creep in, all because we want to win a battle, we want to gain an inch of ground in the argument.

 Why can’t we just “keep our mouths shut”

 We must remember that the ones of us who are believers and any of our husbands who are not believers do not see things the same way. One sees with God’s eyes and the other with the world’s eyes.    Thankfully Lynn tells us on Pg. 109 that “we believers view life through the lens of God’s Word, we filter the day’s events and process them through the truths we discover from reading our Bible daily and the time we spend in prayer and our husband processes life from some other source.   This makes our marriage a tough one to live every day and this is one reason why we have “daily battles”.  These are the times we have to decide to “stand up, or give up”  –  really is that what it has to be?  NO!    instead the process in these daily battles  needs to be us becoming mature in Christ and learning to pick and choose our battles carefully and prayerfully.

We all have things to learn from some of these battles we go through but we need to discern the unimportant issues and as we have all heard before “simply agree to disagree” with our husband.

We can’t win our marriage on our own, we can’t take on the role of Jesus in trying to get our marriage to a place where we want it to, instead we need to give our daily battles to God and let Him do all the changing, stop pushing our faith and belief on our man to the point where we argue about it or even the simplest things that take away the focus of God in our lives and in our marriage.

Ladies our husband will see God has changed us, we don’t have to try and make him see and then the key that will unlock these battles is a “transformed life in Him(our husband) and a transformed life in us (our marriage)”

Let’s just surrender our need to win a battle and instead embrace and surrender our marriage, let’s be the peacemaker and let Christ handle all the rest!

 

Let’s Pray:   God I pray for each one of us as we will face upcoming battles in our marriages, help us Lord not to choose the battle but instead look to you and help us to decide if the issue/battle is truly worth this conflict we will face, and help us Lord instead to surrender it to you”  In your name I pray. Amen!

Your assignment:   Tell us how you resolve conflicts/battles in your marriage.   How do you pick/choose your battles?   How many of you never have any conflicts/battles with your man, if so teach us your method and how it can help us to grow this area of our marriage.

Love you all,

Beverly

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady In Waiting: Lady of Security (Reading Assignment)

November 11, 2012 by

 

Happy Sunday ladies!  After tacking the tough topic of purity last week, I hope you are ready to look inward and see where your security comes from.  I truly pray that this study is blessing each and every one of you.  I know for me, it isn’t always easy, but it is definitely beneficial.  We are perfectly imperfect and as long as we continue to seek Him, we will grow in Him each and every day.

Here are the reading assignments for the week:

November 12: Lady of Security Feelings of Insecurity – Jackie


November 13: Believing a Lie / Secure Love – Michelle


November 14: Manipulation and Maneuvering – Tonya


November 15: Quitting the Hunt – Katie


November 16: Motive Check – Diane

LET’S PRAY

ABBA Father, I ask for your blessing upon each and every woman in this study.  You know their hearts even better than they do.  Through this study, through this book, and especially through your Word speak to them.  Give them what they need to hear and give them the clarity to recognize it even when it isn’t easy.

In Him,

Michelle

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Key #7 Pick and Choose Your Battles (Reading Assignment)

November 11, 2012 by

Last week we learned that we do not have to be perfect – we need to be authentic. Phew, what a relief! This week we are tackling the daily battles that arise in our relationships – how should we respond? What battles do we need to stand our ground on and which ones can we let go? Or do you feel like the character in the cartoon image and want/need to fight every battle, even to the detriment of your marriage? Ouch! We have a lot to learn this week and I cannot wait to get started!

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Here is your Reading Assignment for this week!

Monday Nov 12 
Luke 21:14-15 – Pick & Choose Your Battles / Stand Up Shut Up – Beverly

Tuesday Nov 13 
A Transformed Life – Jennifer

Wednesday Nov 14 
Let’s Have a Word – Donna

Thursday Nov 15 
Speak Words of Grace / Receive Grace –  Sarah

Friday Nov 16 
Discovery / Prayer – Martha

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Let’s Pray: Father, we know that this week’s topic may be a tough one for us to hear. We do not like to lose and we want to stand firm in our beliefs, Lord. But, God, we also want to have a healthy, loving marriage relationship with our spouse. Show us how to pick the battles worth fighting and letting go of the ones that we can agree to disagree on. Lord, it is by your strength that we do this. Just be with us as we look inward to our own actions and behaviors this week. Help us to change the things that we may need to change. Give us wisdom and strength to become the women and wives you have called us to be. In Jesus name, we pray Amen!

Blessings,

Jennifer

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lord, Teach Us to Pray – Part 7

November 10, 2012 by

Today we continue a series entitled Lord, teach us to pray!  Do you ever cry out with that same desire as Jesus’ disciples did — “Teach {me} to pray”?

Each Saturday over the next couple of months, we will intentionally pursue asking the Lord to do just that—teach us to pray.  I believe that, as we continue to look at learning how to pray through the Scriptures, we will develop into daughters who PRAY—who delight, yearn, love to pray to their Father.  This is my heart’s desire.

Jesus was asked this important question by His disciples. One of the places that it is recorded is in Luke 11, verse 1: “Then He was praying in a certain place; and when He stopped, one of His disciples said to Him, Lord, teach us to pray….”

Listen to the words that He spoke to them when they asked:

“Pray, therefore, like this:

Our Father

Who is in heaven,

hallowed (kept holy) be Your name.

Your kingdom come,

Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts,

and have given up resentment against) our debtors.

And lead (bring) us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one.

For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.

Amen.

Matthew 6:9-13

The first week, in this series, we focused on the very first, and most important aspect, of Jesus’ instruction—addressing God Almighty as “Our Father….” We found that He wants to be our Father…our Abba Father!

The second week, we looked at the very next aspect of prayer that Jesus deemed of  importance—”Who is in heaven.”  This attribute tells of the utmost importance of God Who is in heaven.  And we also were reminded of an awesome promise from God, that we will dwell for all eternity with Jesus and our Father, Who is in heaven.

Then we came to the third aspect, as we followed Jesus’ instruction,— “hallowed (kept holy) be Your name.”  And we looked at five examples in the Scriptures where Almighty God is described as holy: we saw the Psalmist proclaim that ‘You are holy’…that the prophet Habakkuk called Him ‘my Holy One’…that Isaiah saw in a vision God seated on His throne with the seraphim proclaiming ‘holy, holy, holy’…that Jesus our Lord prayed  ‘Holy Father’…that one of the seven angels praise Almighty God saying ‘You Who are and were ‘O Holy One.’  What a privilege that our Father…Who is in heaven…would allow us to come before Him and call Him ‘holy!’

After that we looked at the next aspect of prayer that Jesus deemed important—‘Your Kingdom come.’  We considered the question, “What is the Kingdom?” by focusing on just two ways to understand what Jesus meant.  The first connotation that “Kingdom” has refers to the eternal Kingdom.  And then to understand “Kingdom” in another way, we looked specifically at Matthew chapter 13  where Jesus spoke in parables and used tangible examples to help His disciples (and us!) to understand the importance of having the Kingdom established in our hearts.  He wants you and me to be in that Kingdom along with Him.

The following week, we focused on the next aspect of Jesus’ instruction ‘Your will be done.’  It is Almighty God’s will that we are to be concerned about…not our own.  We continually saw Our Lord’s constant example that it was not His will that was important but His Father’s.   We looked at a number of records in the Scriptures which clearly spoke of Jesus’ great desire for His Father’s will.  If it were ever possible for anyone to justifiably state and act on their own will, it would have been Jesus; true?  We were reminded of the great humility and the beautiful love that He and His Father shared in Their relationship.  Jesus always desired His Father’s will, always sought His Father’s will, always purposed to know His Father’s will so that He always did His Father’s will.  And what did we find was His Father’s will?—salvation and redemption through Jesus Christ.  We were assured that at the very foundation of God’s will lies our hope, which is salvation through Jesus leading to eternal life.

And then last week we studied the phrase ‘

“Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” From the perspective of our Lord’s life and ministry.  In John 6:38 we read that Jesus came down from heaven not to do His own will but to do the will of His Father on the earth.  Jesus was always the perfect example to His disciples, and of course to us.  We, too, can live with that same heart as Jesus did.  God has promised to lead us, to guide us, to show us His Will.  We looked at a number of promises that God has given us regarding our knowing His will.  Jesus, Who knew His heavenly Father like no one else did, desired to do God’s will.  God’s perfect will.  He simply and clearly taught His disciples AND US to do the same.

Now this week we are considering the phrase, “Give us this day our daily bread.”  There are a number of connotations that I believe can be applied to understanding what Jesus was teaching them here.  The first would be to recognize that Jesus IS the ‘bread of life.”  In the sixth chapter of the book of John, He repeatedly helped them to understand the eternal importance of recognizing Him as the Sustainer of life—eternal life.  In verse 35 Jesus states,

“I am the Bread of Life. He who comes to Me will never be hungry, and he who believes in and cleaves to and trusts in and relies on Me will never thirst any more (at any time).”

Further along in this record, He reiterates this statement and adds,

“I am the Bread of Life [that gives life—the Living Bread].  Your forefathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and [yet] they died.  [But] this is the Bread that comes down from heaven, so that [any]one may eat of it and never die.  I [Myself] am this Living Bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this Bread, he will live forever.”  (verses 48-51)

And He qualifies it even more by saying,

“Just as the living Father sent Me and I live by (through, because of) the Father, even so whoever continues to feed on Me [whoever takes Me for his food and is nourished by Me] shall [in his turn] live through and because of Me.  This is the Bread that came down from heaven. It is not like the manna which our forefathers ate, and yet died; he who takes this Bread for his food shall live forever.” (verses 57,58)

So we clearly see Jesus’ heart of compassion, wanting them to live forever by partaking of the Bread of Life—Himself—and receiving that blessing.  Jesus always knew His mission, “…this is the Bread that comes down from heaven, so that [any]one may eat of it and never die.  I [Myself] am this Living Bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this Bread, he will live forever…” (John 6:50, 51).

I think that when Jesus was addressing their desire to learn to pray, He focused on the basics: 1) recognizing God as their Father Who is in heaven and that He is holy; 2) asking for God’s Kingdom as well as His Will to be accomplished on earth and in heaven; and 3) acknowledging need of their daily bread.

Immediately before giving them this beautiful sample (Matthew 6) of how to pray, Jesus was talking to them about how not to pray(verses 1-7), and was using the prayers of the Pharisees as a ‘bad’ example.  He encourages them in verse 8, saying,

“Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.”

THIS is the essence of Jesus’ instruction.  If they would pray, “give us this day our daily bread…” they would be humbly acknowledging that their heavenly Father already KNEW what their needs would be that day.  For us, just like Jesus’ disciples, it is when we recognize our immense need for God’s provision that we step back from trying to accomplish it (whatever ‘it’ may be for that day) and let the One Who has so much to give to us provide so perfectly for us!

Further along in this chapter, immediately following Jesus’ teaching them HOW to pray, He also reminds them of how WELL their Father in heaven takes care of them.

“Therefore I tell you, stop being perpetually uneasy (anxious and worried) about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, or  about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life greater [in quality] than food, and the body [far above and more excellent] than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they?” (verses 25-26)

For our practical application, let’s remember: Jesus answered their plea to teach them to pray, and in the midst of that instruction, He directed them to pray, “give us this day our daily bread.”  Then, He gently reminded them that God already provided that daily bread for them!  (AND for us!)

“Therefore do not worry and be anxious, saying, What are we going to have to eat? or, What are we going to have to drink? or, What are we going to have to wear?

For the Gentiles (heathen) wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows well that you need them all.” (verses 31, 32)

God, our heavenly Father, Who is  Holy, knows our need AND has already provided for  our need, gives us our daily bread.  And the reason is…  Oh. How. He. Loves. Us. So.  <3

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This week , in our study A Daughter’s Worth, we have been looking at the importance of having godly friends along with being a godly friend.  This is another oh-so-important daily need of ours!  Having Christian relationships and friends who hold us accountable, and build us up, and forgive us when we are wrong, and bring out the best in us as we share our hearts on spiritual matters and God’s goodness is vital to living well as a Christian!  And God has graciously provided for this in our lives, too.

Ask yourself:  ______ (insert your name here), how much worth do I have knowing  that  my “heavenly Father knows well my needs” and provides for them all?  <3

“…Give us this day our daily bread….”

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Our new study is A Daughter’s Worth! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information

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Winning Him Without Words: Weekly Review w/ Martha Bush

November 9, 2012 by

 

He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  [2 Corinthians 12:9]

Trade perfection for authenticity is what Dineen asks us to do in Chapter 6.

Not to sound “holier than thou,” but I aced this chapter.  A perfectionist, I am not!  In fact, that is the character trait that divides by husband and me the most.

Oh yes, he is the perfectionist in the family.  He cleans up most of the things I start because, as he puts it: “You made a mess of this!”  It drives me nuts.  Perfection just isn’t a word in my vocabulary.

I believe there is no room for perfection in our spiritual lives either.  So, I ask you ladies:  “Do you really think you can live this Christian life before your husband perfectly?” “Do you really think those old fleshly flaws within you aren’t going to occasionally pop up?”

“Come on, ladies, you need to get real!”

Authenticity says:  “Yes, I goofed, that is why I need a Savior!”

Authenticity says:  “I need to stop putting up a front before my husband, and ask his forgiveness when I mess up.”

Authenticity says:  “I’m not intimidated to speak about the passion I have within me for my Savior in front of my unsaved husband.

Oops!  I guess I didn’t ace the chapter after all.

Oh, God, forgive me.  I now see that the passion I have within me for Jesus needs to spill out of my mouth “naturally.”  I know not to preach and nag at my husband, nor run my mouth off like a “religious freak.”  But, I now see that I have become unbalanced in my efforts to say “not a word,” and have quenched my passion for you.

I hear you saying, “Come on Martha, you need to get real!”

“Let your passion for me flow out of you like a soft stream of water flowing along the river bands – -sweetly and soothing.”

And now, let’s review what Beverly, Jennifer, Donna, and Sarah had to say about Trading Perfection for Authenticity.

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Weekly Review

Monday:  Perfection for Authenticity / A Fine Linen Belt – Beverly had tried to be the “perfect” wife to her husband for years.  But, this week, she learned a lesson through Jeremiah’s linen belt. God had instructed Jeremiah to take his belt off and hide it in rocks near a river.  When Jeremiah retrieved the belt, the elements had ruined it and it was completely useless.

Beverly compared this to allowing certain “elements” to damage our relationship with our husbands to the point that we are no longer being the living representation of Christ in our homes.

Beverly challenges us in the following ways to reflect and show our husbands God:

Our heart – -what is in there

Our minds – -what she is thinking

Our soul – -what are our desires

May we accept the challenge.

Tuesday:  A Confession – Jennifer asks us some thought provoking questions concerning how we live our lives in front of our unsaved husbands.

How often do you let your husband see the not-so-Christian parts of you?

Do you fear that you might “look bad” or “un-Christian” if you are authentic?

Do you think you might give Jesus a “bad name?

Jennifer suggests reasons why we might be having problems in this area, such as:

My husband might laugh at me

My husband might mock me

My husband might say I’m not really a Christian

My husband thinks I should be perfect if I’m a Christian

My husband’s words might hurt my feelings

Jennifer challenges us to:  Lay down the idol of perfection.  We cannot be an authentic warrior for Christ if we pretend to have it all together.  It is through our authenticity that Christ uses us to reach other people with the Good News of His saving grace.

May we accept this challenge.

Wednesday:  Heart Tablets – Donna points to the scripture Dineen brought out in 2 Cor. 2:3 as humbling her.  In this verse, God says we are a letter from Christ to our spouse.

From this verse, Donna saw that the Spirit of God has reached down and written on her heart.  These reflections from her heart can now be reflected to her un-saved loved ones who does not listen to fleshly efforts of nagging, crying, begging, and anger when she witnesses to them.

Donna makes a very valid point to think about:  Would you listen to someone who is hassling you?  Would you see a loving, caring God in that kind of tone?

She challenges us to:

Take a step back in our marriage.

Don’t worry about planning what to say or do next.

Let yourself be God’s love letter to them.

May we accept this challenge.

Thursday:  Sacrificial Giving – Sarah, uses Dineen’s idea of the perfect gift to give our husbands for Valentine gift, instead of chocolates.  It comes in the form making a listing of the things that she would not do to her husband anymore.  Just plain and simple:

No Nagging

No Expectations

No False Assumptions

No Resentment

Sarah leaves it with each of us to determine where in stand on these matters.  It is definitely food for thought as a means of Sacrificial Giving.

May we expect the challenge and do likewise.

Friday: Discovery/Prayer – Father, God, I thank you for what you have taught us about being real this week.  Help us to get rid of any hang-ups in our lives that are preventing us from representing Jesus before our husband, be he saved or unsaved.  Help us to live our lives before him according to 1 Peter 3.  In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

 

Your Assignment:

Think back over the week and name one thing you definitely know you should start immediately doing to be authentic with your husband.

 

Have a blessed day,

Martha

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Above all, if you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, and would like to have someone pray with you, please email us at Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com. and one of our prayer team members will contact you.

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Lady In Waiting: What If It’s Too Late?

November 9, 2012 by

I am not going to lie to you ladies; this will be the hardest thing I probably ever have to write about.  Furthermore, when I saw that I had this part of the chapter to write about I instantly felt sick to my stomach.  Then I prayed, and I know that God gave me this topic for a very special reason.  This is His way of telling me, you are ready to share such an ugly part of your life with others because of the beauty you have let Me make of it.  It is my prayer that as you read this you can get past the ugly my life once was and focus on the beautiful things that God has made from my messes in life.

I can tell you this topic alone has brought so many tears to my eyes; probably enough to make an ocean-no joke.  The past week I have been thinking to myself this part of the chapter is so personal, how can I possibly begin to share what God wants me to share with these women when I don’t want to even share it with myself?  Then I am reminded of Revelation 12:11 They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.  There is power in our testimony ladies.  There is hope from our hopeless situations, purity can come from our impurity, and the only reasoning for these miracles is because of the victory we have over Satan and the only reason for THAT is BECAUSE of the beautiful sacrifice of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  And that my friends, is how I can share what God so desperately wants you to hear today.

When I read the words on page 89, my heart sank.  “If you are reading this after the fact and are dealing with the guilt of the lost gift, do not be discouraged”.  The first time I read that it was about two years ago and I was very uncertain of how to not be discouraged.  Second time around, and two years later when I read that sentence I was overwhelmed with thankfulness to God that I am no longer dealing with the guilt of the lost gift.  What changed in two years you might be wondering?  Honestly, I changed.  Not because of anything I did, it was all because of what God did for me, on a cross.  He died and shed HIS innocent blood and took my guilt and shame away with Him.  Ladies, GOD DID THE SAME THING FOR YOU!  In those two years, I accepted personally what HIS gift meant for me; the new life I have freely been given!  My past did not change, but I chose to change the way I was living.  I chose to start embracing God and when I did I was no longer discouraged.  Have you done the same?

If you are reading this after the fact, please listen closely.  I understand the guilt, I understand waking up and feeling covered in shame.  I understand the pain behind every single tear that falls from your eyes.  I understand the pain of a broken heart.  My heart was broken … correction, shattered when someone who I loved took my innocence from me without asking my permission.  My natural response to this was not “this is all his fault for doing this to me”, instead it was “this is all my fault for letting this happen”.  I suffered with extreme guilt and it led me to turn completely away from God.  It was too late for me; I could no longer be a virgin when I got married like I had always dreamed of so I gave up.  I believed and lived out this lie for two years, living in sin.

One day the Lord placed A More Beautiful You by Johnny Diaz into my life.  I was driving along; crying because of what I had just done, that I knew was so wrong, but I just did not know how to stop going back to that sin.  Out of nowhere, seriously nowhere, my preprogrammed country station became a Christian radio station, K-love in my car.  This is what I heard:

So turn around you’re not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It’s not too late, you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear, they can all be washed away

By the one who’s strong, can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry, all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light, He will show you truth
And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl

My heart ached to hear those lyrics over and over again, but my tears got in the way.  I searched for that song for hours after hearing it and could not find it anywhere on the Internet.  Those lyrics God used to start to mend my broken heart.  But that was just the beginning of the mending.

I could not get over the fact that even though I did not choose to lose my virginity, I CHOSE TO KEEP GIVING MYSELF AWAY TO A MAN AND THEN MEN WHO WERE NOT CONCERNED WITH MY HEART, JUST MY BODY.  I fed into the lie that I needed this sin to be a part of my life.  I fed into the lie that I was indeed damaged goods.  These lies were so hard to get rid of.  What lies do you believe about your past?  What is tangling you up inside, making it seem impossible to get past the sins of your past?

PLEASE TAKE A MINUTE TO LET THIS TRUTH RUN THROUGH YOUR SOUL: No matter what your past may look like, all God sees is beauty.  Truly, if you are a child of God, if you have asked for his forgiveness for your mistakes, then you are living a beautiful new life!  God does not see the shame or guilt that weighs so heavy on your heart-He just sees your heart for what he created it to be.  His love is never out of reach no matter how far you have gotten yourself from accepting it.  God has the luxury of forgetting our sins, and we have the luxury of being forgiven and able to live our life filled with God’s love. 

Here is one of many examples of the beautiful things got has brought out of my ugly!  My heart was almost healed.  There were still some things I had to confess to God.  I walked into therapy with my pink journal in hand.  Each page was filled with sentence after sentence of pain, hurt, shame, guilt, sin, and ugliness.  I read aloud each page.  I ripped out each page and put it in God’s hands (literally my therapist drew God’s hands on a piece of paper and sat it against the wall).  As I was done with each page I prayed aloud to God.  I wanted to see His hands so I looked up, at that very instant His hands (the paper) fell over everything I had written.  That was the sign I needed that God loved me so much and that He took all of my shame and pain and guilt with Him where it belongs and left me with a brand new heart!  I am pure, I am a virgin, and I am not damaged, thank you Jesus!

Let’s Pray:  Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for your love.  Thank you for forgiving us and transforming our ugly past into such a beautiful life with you!  I pray that every single person reading this takes away the thing that you had planned for them to hear!  I praise you for the opportunity I have been given to share my heart with others.  I pray your many blessings upon each woman who has felt, it was too late for her.  I cannot put in words how thankful I am for healing our broken hearts!  We love you so incredibly much!  Amen.

Your Assignment:  If you are holding anything in from you past, get rid of it.  Please write it down and put it in God’s hands.  Let’s replace that space with God’s love!  Let’s be each other’s support system when temptations come or when we are starting to go backwards.  Please post below what God tells you when you are feeling bad for you past, I believe these words have the power to encourage and help each and every one of us!

Love you all so much!

Diane

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For the “Lady In Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Sacrificial Giving

November 8, 2012 by

I will sacrifice a free-will offering to you;

I will praise your name, O Lord, for it is good.

Psalm 54:6

In this section Dineen shares with us a different kind of Valentine’s Day present she gave to her husband. Instead of chocolates and a card, she made a list of things that she would NOT do to her husband anymore. I did this for my husband as a Christmas gift last year. My list was pretty similar to Dineen’s and I bet as appreciated by her husband as it was mine! Let’s review Dineen’s list.

No Nagging!

Oh ya! This is a big one for a lot of us. It starts out as us asking for a favor from our husband and expecting them to do it for us. Then it turns into a constant “did you do so & so for me? I’ve asked you 20 times, can’t you remember? I don’t ask for much…” and so on. It sounds so ugly in print, imagine what it sounds like to our husbands. I am so guilty of this. And I’m good about playing that martyr card too! “I don’t ask for much, can’t you just do this one thing for me without me having to remind you over and over?” To fix this, Dineen started writing her husband reminder notes. This is a great idea and seemed to work really well for her and her husband! He didn’t have to hear her “nag” him about something over and over and she didn’t have to stress out about asking the same favor over and over. She just had to remind him of his list…gently! 😉 This turned her into his helper instead of his “nag”! Genius!

No Expectations

We’ve talked about this one quite a bit, and rightly so because it is so important. Sometimes we place such high expectations on our husbands that we are setting them up to fail. There is no way they can read our minds and know exactly what we want them to do or say. Speaking from my own experience, holidays were killer for us. I expected a pretty surprise every holiday, birthday and anniversary. I didn’t want to tell him what I wanted, I wanted to be surprised. That is the romantic in me! He would continually tell me that he’d rather I just tell him what I would like and he’d get it for me. I’d pout and say “that’s no fun!” but when it came time to open gifts and I was less than thrilled to open my vacuum cleaner, he proved his point. He saw a need of mine and thought he was doing good. I saw the most unromantic gift in the world. So now I make a list of 3 things for him to choose from. He has a guide to go by and I still have the element of surprise!

Okay, so I was using a funny example of not setting high expectations on your husband, but in seriousness, it really isn’t fair to him. When you are in a spiritually mismatched marriage, you can’t expect your husband to see the world as you do. Like Dineen says, you need to remember he doesn’t have the same belief system you do. You can’t expect him to think the same as you because his definition of right and wrong is measured more towards worldly things. He knows stealing is wrong, but not because it’s a sin, but because it is taking something that does not belong to him. You do need to respect his way of thinking if you expect him to respect your ways. Together you can talk and compare your ideas and I can guarantee both of you will learn something.

No False Assumptions

This is huge for me. Way to often I take a comment from my husband the wrong way, get offended and let it ruin my mood. He will try and tell me he did not intend his comment to be offensive, but I have a hard time getting over it. But I have been working on it! I learned something from our lesson this week that will help me to continue to improve in this area. From now on I’m going to not speak the minute I feel offended. Instead I’m going to exhale, think about what I’ve just heard and be sure of the facts, maybe let my husband explain further what he meant and then, most likely, realize his intent was not to offend me at all. So many arguments will be saved by just slowing down, really listening and understanding!
No Resentment
Past hurts are hard to get over. But let me tell you something, holding onto them and letting them eat away at you, or giving them new life each time you have an argument is never going to move you forward in your marriage. Sometimes I make things to simple, but this is one of those areas of marriage where I have always felt the past is in the past. You can’t go back and change it, so it really doesn’t make a lot of sense to dwell on it for the rest of your life knowing how miserable it makes you. I won’t lie and say I haven’t ever brought up a past argument to try and make a point in a current argument, because I have! But I was quick to learn that it only made the current situation worse than it needed to be and nothing really got solved. Especially the past argument! Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. It is a gift to YOU from God. When you allow yourself to forgive someone for hurting you, it frees you from that hurt. You cannot dwell on it anymore or think back to it from time to time. Let it go and move on so YOU can be happy again. When you hold a grudge, you aren’t hurting the person who hurt you. They’ve moved on long ago! When you hold a grudge the only person you are hurting is yourself.
Let’s Pray:
Lord Jesus, be with us today as we go over elements in our marriage that we need to work on. Bring our shortcomings to light for us so that we can know what we need to work on to make our marriages happier, more peaceful and more loving. Remind us of our vows to love, honor and cherish. We meant them when we took them in front of you, but all of us need a daily reminder to keep working hard to honor each vow.  We love you, Jesus. Please help us make our marriages a testimony to others!  Amen.
Your Assignment:
What is your list of things you will not do anymore in your marriage? Post them below so we can all pray with each other while we tackle them one by one! If you have a praise report on something you have conquered, share it below also!
Godspeed,
Sarah
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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Guarding the Treasure

November 8, 2012 by

Over the past two years I have been honored to stand in four different weddings of women I prayed with, laughed with, grew with, and watched fall deeply in love with the man of their dreams. I have seen relationships grow from friendship to marriage. I have been blessed to watch newlyweds and long married couples invite their first or second child into the world. I have talked my friends through the process of deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship with a man they were interested in.

Let’s be honest, I have done my fair share of relationship watching. But the one thing that I have not done is gone on a date. That’s right, I have not been on one single date in the past two years, and let me tell you something…it is not easy watching friend after friend meet the person they will spend the rest of their lives with and begin that process, while I am left single, alone, and in the dust with out even a possibility.

Why do I start this post out with what seems to be a complaint about my relationship status? Not for sympathy or a pat on the back. Not so that you set me up with some suitor or encourage me to get my feet wet. But to share with you, that I have not been out with men because I am guarding my treasure. Don’t get me wrong; it is not easy. When everyone else is happily in love and oogling over their latest romance, I do most certainly get quite lonely at times. I would love to have a fling, lock lips with a handsome male friend, or even just go on a date for fun. But I have committed myself to guarding my heart, my body, and my love.

The author writes about some practical ways to avoid making decisions that will give away your treasure too soon. Ladies, this does not just mean your virginity or your body. This sometimes even means your words and your affection. Let’s be honest with ourselves, we all love the coos and sweet words of men who desire to share some sort of intimacy with us. It makes us feel cared about, important, wanted, and maybe even loved. But we ought not give our love to every man who speaks whispers those sweet nothings into our ears. The reality of the situation is, there is a great chance that you may not end up with the most recent sweet-talker to grace your paths.

Let me be clear here: this is not a man bash. There are many great intentioned males out there who mean what they say and have actions to back it up. But while you wait for Mr. Right, please do not throw yourself at every man who says you are beautiful, unique, or special. Even if you are in the midst of a relationship that you think could be the one, you may want to go as far as asking this man not to pour out words of adornment until you are in a more committed stage of your relationship. Explain what it does to your heart. A good man will be able to prove how much he cares for you without using words. He will make you feel beautiful, unique and special by the way that he treats you. If he is using words and not backing them up with actions, please, ladies, DO NOT stick around expecting him to change! There are good men out there who will treat you like the woman of God that you are, so don’t settle for a man who does not hold himself, and you to those standards!

Best of all if you are guarding your treasure, when you meet the right man, you will not hear yourself echoing words that you once said to a former lover. You will not find yourself repeating actions that were once special with another man, but rather you will find that all of the adorable phrases and enjoyable “you-isms” will be safe for just this one man. Trust me, I know that it is difficult to watch your sisters and friends sharing these intimate moments with men left and right. It is so hard not to get sucked into wanting it for yourself, right now! However, we will all find in the end that the moments of intimacy lost on men who mean nothing will take away from the man who will mean everything. And the moments that you save will be that much more special!

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Let’s Pray

Heavenly Father, thank you for creating us with the emotions and desires that we have! Thank you for knowing exactly how we can best use those emotions and desires. Give us the patience to save our energies for the man who you have in design for us. Let us invest our hearts in you for the comfort we lack during this time of singleness, so that we are better able to love our husbands when the time comes. Please bless us in this week as we enter into a deeper intimacy with you. Amen.

Your Assignment

 Talk with some of your sisters in Christ and/or an accountability partner about what your standards should be for a man. Write down a list of ways that you can protect your purity, and your heart when you do go out with a man you are interested in. Report back with one or two ways you have been doing that in your relationships with men.

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Online Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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A Daughter’s Worth Week 6/ Day 3: A Good Friend Supports You

November 7, 2012 by


Supportive and encouraging are definitely how I would describe my friends. The day before my senior year of high school, I decided to be homeschooled. I just knew in my spirit that I was not supposed to go back to school. Of course my friends asked questions. They wanted to know why, which is totally expected. But the majority of them were so supportive and trusted me to know what was best for me. They knew I had a relationship with God, and they knew that I was making a wise decision for myself. As for the ones who weren’t supportive, I didn’t immediately shut them out or end our friendships, but over time, those friendships ended for various reasons.
We all have a specific calling, a specific purpose placed on our lives by God. If we are walking with Him, we should be taking steps in the direction of our destiny, asking Him where we should step.
Throughout this journey, we WILL need people to encourage us to pursue the dreams in our hearts. Proverbs 17:17 says “A friend loves at all times…” Part of loving someone is supporting them. All of our paths look different. Your friend may make a decision that you don’t necessarily agree with in regards to their future, but it is important that you support them. If you know that your friend has a relationship with Jesus and asks Him before he/she makes a decision, you should trust that they know what they’re about to do.
We will experience trials and struggle throughout our lives. If we are doing Kingdom work, the enemy will not like it and he will try to come against you. Yes, in those times, you must pray. But I believe the Lord wants us to have people in our lives who will pray with us and who will rebuke satan with us!
Lets pray-

Dear Lord, thank You for giving us such a perfect example of how to be a friend. You are a friend to us. I pray that we would give us discernment in our friendships, that we would know who we can trust and who will love us unconditionally. I pray that we would be supportive and encouraging to our friends, showing them You in every encounter we have with them. In Jesus’ name. Amen

~Jordan

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Our new study is A Daughter’s Worth! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information

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Lady in Waiting: Emotional, Relational, Spiritual

November 7, 2012 by

I honestly don’t know how to get started here. I didn’t even need to see the sections I was writing on this week before thoughts began to pour into my head, all I needed to see was the word “purity”. And it made me freeze. How can I write to women about purity when I see my past as tainted, when my purity is a thing of the past. Then I got quiet and prayed. This isn’t the first time I have had to use my past to speak to others, and yes I am no longer pure in regards to my physical state, but God has forgiven me and washed me whiter than snow. This is how I can talk about this topic. It doesn’t make it easier by any means!  The consequences of my actions are still something I deal with, but I can stop myself and pray, knowing I am forgiven, and that the lessons learned will help someone else.

I became pregnant with my daughter at 17 and had her when I was 18. I wasn’t married. I have dealt with the emotional, relational and spiritual consequence these sections speak about, I think a lot of us have.

God gave us a gift when he tied our emotions to our physical state.  It enables us to love hard.  It drives us to give our all to the one we’re with. But that gift only works the way it is designed to work when we are with the one God has chosen for us, and under the bond of marriage. It is stated more than once in this section that God wants to protect us; protect us from a broken heart, protect us from condemnation, protect us from fear, from resentment. It also lists doubt, depression, bitterness and mistrust. I remember feeling all of these after purity was no longer one of the characteristics I possessed. He wants to protect our hearts and minds from these negative emotions that sexual promiscuity will bring.

This section further defends the thought that women are complex creations. Yes ladies we are complex, we have many layers, we are hard to understand, and at times we can be complicated. This is not a bad thing. It is part of Gods security system for us. But have you ever set off an alarm by using the incorrect code and haven’t been able to turn it off? That’s what premarital sex does to us. It sets off an alarm that only God can turn off.  But instead of a screaming noise, our emotions, relationships, and spirituality are screaming.  Our internal alarm systems need the right code.

 The code of Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

 The code of Colossians 3:1-2

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above,

where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.

Whether it is one night, or a long term relationship, premarital sex negatively effects three of the most important aspects of a woman’s life. Emotional. Relational. Spiritual. We are God’s ladies in waiting. When situations present themselves that deal with the topic of purity, take a conscious step back and think of the impact it will have on these three areas.

With Love,

Tonya Ellison

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Lets Pray:

Thank you Lord for the security system you have placed within each and every one of us. Thank you for your forgiveness and redemption. Lord please touch our hearts when we are facing different situations and bring to mind how much you value our emotions, relationships and spirituality. Thank you for protecting us.

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen

Your assignment:

I listed some codes I use when I’m faced with certain situations or when Satan tries to remind me of my past.  What are some scriptures you turn to when purity is concerned?

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Online Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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