November 5, 2024

Winning Him Without Words: Let’s Have a Word

November 14, 2012 by

The tongue can bring death or life;

those who love to talk will reap consequences.

Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

The verse for today really intrigued me, so I looked it up in the NAS version of the Bible. It sent me to two other verses:

Matthew 12:37  “For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” and also Proverbs 13:3  “The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin”.

They are all equally a warning to us. The truth is we must speak our words carefully. Not only for ourselves, but also for the ones we love. We have the ability to tear down or build up those whom we love on a daily basis. I know this for a fact, as I grew up in a house where there wasn’t a lot of building up.

In my home, as we grew up, there weren’t a lot of positive, encouraging words spoken. In fact, most of what we heard was very destructive to my life. I suffered self-esteem issues as a teenager and even into adult years. I never trusted anyone to really love me for myself until I met Jesus. When I met the Lord, I never knew anyone could love me unconditionally.  He had a lot to teach me!  But, as a result of my home life, I also suffered from depression and thoughts of suicide during the tumultuous teen years.

I also met my husband at a young age, too. Between him and God, I learned what real love was. Ronald seemed to genuinely love me through all of it. He was a rock for me and proved it over and over with words of love and encouragement whenever he could.  He made me feel I was worth something.  I didn’t always receive them; in fact I doubted them a lot!  But he meant every word he said!  He stuck with me through that time and is still here 35 years later!!

I also read a lot of scripture then and tried to focus on that.  I know that we really need to realize when, how, and what we speak because words touch us in ways that can be good or bad.  Things we say in anger can really hurt our husbands and loved ones.  I am a testament to that. Our relationships are shaped and nurtured through our words.

My son, who has gone through alcohol and drug abuse when he was a teen, said that had we not told him every day that we loved him and were praying for him daily during that time, he would not be here. We spoke life and healing words to his soul as often as we could, and I believe I still have my son because of those words.  That is how God speaks to us.

What words does the Father say to us that we can hang onto and speak to our spouses?

*Jeremiah 29:11 Tells us that He knows us and has a plan for our lives!

*1Peter 5:7  Tells us to cast our cares on Him for he cares for us affectionately and watches over us.

*Romans 5:8 Tells us that even when we still in sin God loved us and Christ died for us.

* Psalms 62:8 Says trust in Him and we can pour out our hearts to Him because he is our refuge.

* Psalm 147:3 Says He heals the broken hearted and binds up our wounds.

* Psalm 103:8 God is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

*Psalm 103:13 Says God shows us compassion just as a father would.

These are words form our loving God and Father! He speaks life and love to us throughout His word. Can we be any different? Unfortunately I am sometimes.  Matthew 12:36 says that “we will give an account on the day of judgement for every careless word we have spoken”.   That should give us pause to think before we speak.

I try, and often fail, to speak words of life and love to my husband everyday. I even text him throughout the day to let him know I’m praying for him. It’s an easy thing to do, so why don’t I do it all the time? Ladies can we purpose today to be more like our heavenly Father and speak life words to our husbands? It benefits him as well as us. It shows him you love him and are concerned for him.  It builds him up and in turn you are built up, as well.  That can only benefit your marriage if you build one another up.  And it gets easier the more you do it!

Like Lynn, I want my words to speak life and healing.  How about you?

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Let’s pray:

Lord we thank You for the gift of words. We thank You that You love us through Your word. Help us to always speak life and healing to our husbands and shut our mouths when we are tempted to tear them down. Give us the right words at the right time to say. Thank You for being our example of what words can do. In Jesus name-Amen

Your Assignment:

I’ve already texted my husband and told him how much I appreciate his working hard and for the provision for our family. I know that is important to him.  What life words can you speak specifically to your husband, whether in a text, phone call, note, or even right to him, that will build him up and make his day? Comment below and show us how we can do the same.

I pray you all will have a life building day!

Donna

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Key #7 Pick and Choose Your Battles (Reading Assignment)

November 11, 2012 by

Last week we learned that we do not have to be perfect – we need to be authentic. Phew, what a relief! This week we are tackling the daily battles that arise in our relationships – how should we respond? What battles do we need to stand our ground on and which ones can we let go? Or do you feel like the character in the cartoon image and want/need to fight every battle, even to the detriment of your marriage? Ouch! We have a lot to learn this week and I cannot wait to get started!

________________

Here is your Reading Assignment for this week!

Monday Nov 12 
Luke 21:14-15 – Pick & Choose Your Battles / Stand Up Shut Up – Beverly

Tuesday Nov 13 
A Transformed Life – Jennifer

Wednesday Nov 14 
Let’s Have a Word – Donna

Thursday Nov 15 
Speak Words of Grace / Receive Grace –  Sarah

Friday Nov 16 
Discovery / Prayer – Martha

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Let’s Pray: Father, we know that this week’s topic may be a tough one for us to hear. We do not like to lose and we want to stand firm in our beliefs, Lord. But, God, we also want to have a healthy, loving marriage relationship with our spouse. Show us how to pick the battles worth fighting and letting go of the ones that we can agree to disagree on. Lord, it is by your strength that we do this. Just be with us as we look inward to our own actions and behaviors this week. Help us to change the things that we may need to change. Give us wisdom and strength to become the women and wives you have called us to be. In Jesus name, we pray Amen!

Blessings,

Jennifer

*****

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Weekly Review w/ Martha Bush

November 9, 2012 by

 

He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  [2 Corinthians 12:9]

Trade perfection for authenticity is what Dineen asks us to do in Chapter 6.

Not to sound “holier than thou,” but I aced this chapter.  A perfectionist, I am not!  In fact, that is the character trait that divides by husband and me the most.

Oh yes, he is the perfectionist in the family.  He cleans up most of the things I start because, as he puts it: “You made a mess of this!”  It drives me nuts.  Perfection just isn’t a word in my vocabulary.

I believe there is no room for perfection in our spiritual lives either.  So, I ask you ladies:  “Do you really think you can live this Christian life before your husband perfectly?” “Do you really think those old fleshly flaws within you aren’t going to occasionally pop up?”

“Come on, ladies, you need to get real!”

Authenticity says:  “Yes, I goofed, that is why I need a Savior!”

Authenticity says:  “I need to stop putting up a front before my husband, and ask his forgiveness when I mess up.”

Authenticity says:  “I’m not intimidated to speak about the passion I have within me for my Savior in front of my unsaved husband.

Oops!  I guess I didn’t ace the chapter after all.

Oh, God, forgive me.  I now see that the passion I have within me for Jesus needs to spill out of my mouth “naturally.”  I know not to preach and nag at my husband, nor run my mouth off like a “religious freak.”  But, I now see that I have become unbalanced in my efforts to say “not a word,” and have quenched my passion for you.

I hear you saying, “Come on Martha, you need to get real!”

“Let your passion for me flow out of you like a soft stream of water flowing along the river bands – -sweetly and soothing.”

And now, let’s review what Beverly, Jennifer, Donna, and Sarah had to say about Trading Perfection for Authenticity.

*********************************

Weekly Review

Monday:  Perfection for Authenticity / A Fine Linen Belt – Beverly had tried to be the “perfect” wife to her husband for years.  But, this week, she learned a lesson through Jeremiah’s linen belt. God had instructed Jeremiah to take his belt off and hide it in rocks near a river.  When Jeremiah retrieved the belt, the elements had ruined it and it was completely useless.

Beverly compared this to allowing certain “elements” to damage our relationship with our husbands to the point that we are no longer being the living representation of Christ in our homes.

Beverly challenges us in the following ways to reflect and show our husbands God:

Our heart – -what is in there

Our minds – -what she is thinking

Our soul – -what are our desires

May we accept the challenge.

Tuesday:  A Confession – Jennifer asks us some thought provoking questions concerning how we live our lives in front of our unsaved husbands.

How often do you let your husband see the not-so-Christian parts of you?

Do you fear that you might “look bad” or “un-Christian” if you are authentic?

Do you think you might give Jesus a “bad name?

Jennifer suggests reasons why we might be having problems in this area, such as:

My husband might laugh at me

My husband might mock me

My husband might say I’m not really a Christian

My husband thinks I should be perfect if I’m a Christian

My husband’s words might hurt my feelings

Jennifer challenges us to:  Lay down the idol of perfection.  We cannot be an authentic warrior for Christ if we pretend to have it all together.  It is through our authenticity that Christ uses us to reach other people with the Good News of His saving grace.

May we accept this challenge.

Wednesday:  Heart Tablets – Donna points to the scripture Dineen brought out in 2 Cor. 2:3 as humbling her.  In this verse, God says we are a letter from Christ to our spouse.

From this verse, Donna saw that the Spirit of God has reached down and written on her heart.  These reflections from her heart can now be reflected to her un-saved loved ones who does not listen to fleshly efforts of nagging, crying, begging, and anger when she witnesses to them.

Donna makes a very valid point to think about:  Would you listen to someone who is hassling you?  Would you see a loving, caring God in that kind of tone?

She challenges us to:

Take a step back in our marriage.

Don’t worry about planning what to say or do next.

Let yourself be God’s love letter to them.

May we accept this challenge.

Thursday:  Sacrificial Giving – Sarah, uses Dineen’s idea of the perfect gift to give our husbands for Valentine gift, instead of chocolates.  It comes in the form making a listing of the things that she would not do to her husband anymore.  Just plain and simple:

No Nagging

No Expectations

No False Assumptions

No Resentment

Sarah leaves it with each of us to determine where in stand on these matters.  It is definitely food for thought as a means of Sacrificial Giving.

May we expect the challenge and do likewise.

Friday: Discovery/Prayer – Father, God, I thank you for what you have taught us about being real this week.  Help us to get rid of any hang-ups in our lives that are preventing us from representing Jesus before our husband, be he saved or unsaved.  Help us to live our lives before him according to 1 Peter 3.  In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

 

Your Assignment:

Think back over the week and name one thing you definitely know you should start immediately doing to be authentic with your husband.

 

Have a blessed day,

Martha

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Above all, if you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, and would like to have someone pray with you, please email us at Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com. and one of our prayer team members will contact you.

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Winning Him Without Words – Heart Tablets

November 7, 2012 by

“You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the Living God, not on tablets of stone but on human hearts.”

2 Corinthians: 2-3

What is my message to the unbelieving loved ones in my life? What can I communicate with my actions today? Am I willing to let the Holy Spirit make his mark on me for the benefit of my unsaved loved ones?

I re-wrote these questions from the book and only changed them to make them personal for me. I needed to do that so I could ponder them and claim them for my life, so I could examine myself from them. Do I leave a Godly message for my loved ones? Are my actions motivated by my love of the Savior? Or are my actions done with the motivation that I can save them?? I pray not.

In our scripture today, God says we are a letter from Christ to our spouse. That because of our ministry to them they can have the Spirit of God written on their hearts if they accept Him. I’m humbled by that. Not only has the Spirit of God reached down and written on my heart, I can reflect Him in my words and actions. If they, our spouse, see this lived out in us, we could be the vessel God uses to bring them to Him! It is also somewhat daunting as well. But then I remember what Dineen says: “We can find tremendous comfort in the sense that it isn’t up to us to know what to say or how to say it.”  We have the Holy Spirit in us that helps us do that. We don’t have to rely on ourselves and be bogged down with what to do or say. That is a relief, and it gives us more reason to pray and stick close to God.

How many times have I tried to push the issue with them? Nagged and cried and begged?? Or even just sat back and was angry because they wouldn’t listen? Oh Boy!! I can think of many times! Not letting the Holy Spirit guide me, just pushing ahead without any direction at all! I need to stop and think, Would I listen to someone who is hassling me like this? Would I see a loving, caring God in that tone? I’m thinking  NOT!  What I need to remember in that moment is that I leave a permanent impression on my loved one whenever I am speaking to them.

In the story of the prodigal son in Luke, we see the father in this story giving his son free will and an early inheritance. Off goes the son and blows all the money then hires himself out a s slave to someone because of a famine in the land. He ends up feeding PIGS!! Even desiring the food he is feeding them! He finally comes to his senses and remembers that even his father’s hired hands have food to spare. So he goes home and repents, offers himself up to his father as a slave and what does the father do?? He throws his arms around his son and quickly organizes a party for him. How awesome is that? Now, obviously, this is my own interpretation of this Parable but as I read it I’m thinking I don’t hear his father begging him to stay or crying or nagging. No he just gives the son what he wants and let’s him go. I have to believe the son was brought up in a believing household. I’m sure he probably prayed his heart out, like any parent would, that he would return to him. And because the father lived out his faith and wrote on his heart, the son realized what the truth was and returned home to the father.

What I’m trying to get at here is that maybe taking a step back in our marriage. Don’t worry about planning what to say or do next. Let yourself be God’s love letter to them. Let the heart of Christ radiate out of you for them to see. We don’t have to worry about what to say. We just need to be willing vessels, ready to give God’s grace in the moment. God can only use us when we  yield to Him. Give them freedom to choose for themselves because of that reflection.

Purpose in your heart to be God’s message to your husband. Communicate love and grace to them ” letting the Holy Spirit make his mark on you for the benefit of your Husband.” When you do this you are honoring God and your husband. Ask yourself those questions at the beginning of our chapter and make them personal by putting your and your spouses names in them. Then implement that answer and let God shine through you!

Let’s pray:

God thank you for writing on our hearts today. We ask that you would radiate your Spirit through  us and let us have the honor of being your vessel and tool in the salvation of our spouses. May they only see you and not us. Give us willing hearts to be able to do this. Show us and give us the exact words and things to do to make this happen. You are faithful and loving. We praise you today for all that you are doing and will do. In Jesus name I pray – Amen

Your assignment:

I am purposing to do what Dineen says in the first paragraph of our chapter today-speak words of love to my husband and reflect Christ while doing so. What can you do that will speak to your husband today and how will you do it??

God’s blessings on your day,

Donna

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If you are interested in joining this “Winning Him Without Words” online bible study, please click HERE to complete the sign-up form.  You will need to purchase the book in order to follow along with us.  You can find details for the book on our sign-up form.

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Winning Him Without Words: A Confession

November 6, 2012 by

Peter wrote this letter sometime between A.D. 60 and 64. Women in the first century had no legal rights. The husband and father was the ultimate authority over everyone in the household, including his wife. If the husband did not believe in Christ, Peter assured Christian women that they did not have to preach to their husbands. In fact, direct confrontation may even backfire. However, women could still show Christ to their husbands – by their behavior and character – not by their words.

In this section of our book, Dineen relates a story about an encounter she has with a receptionist at the doctor’s office. She was ashamed at her reaction to the situation. She silently prayed, asking God for the opportunity to apologize to this harried worker. The woman comes up to her right then and Dineen is able to apologize.

The best part of this whole story is that Dineen felt led by the Holy Spirit to share this entire encounter with her unbelieving husband. Every detail – even the not-so-Christian parts. And he was proud of her.

He saw the not-so-perfect part of her and he was proud.

How often do you let your husband see the not-so-Christian parts of you? Do you hide your true self from him for fear of what he might think or say? Do you fear that you might “look bad” or “unChristian” if you are authentic, if you really let your hair down and let your unbelieving spouse see everything? Do you think you might give Jesus a “bad name”?

What do you think would happen? Make a list. I’ll wait.

Are any of these things on your list?

  • My husband might laugh at me
  • My husband might mock me
  • My husband might say I’m not really a Christian
  • My husband thinks I should be perfect if I’m a Christian
  • My husband’s words might hurt my feelings

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7, NKJV)

The Holy Spirit that the Lord poured into you when you were saved is a spirit of POWER, LOVE, and of a SOUND MIND. There is one thing it is not – a spirit of fear. Even though your spouse’s words or actions may hurt you in the moment, remember that you have a power living within you that is greater than those hurtful words or actions. A power that parted the Red Sea and raised our Savior from the dead. That power is alive in you!

Girlfriends, when we are authentic, our unbelieving husbands can relate to us. They do not feel like they have to compete with this guy named Jesus. They see that we can own up to our mistakes, repent, and ask forgiveness of anyone we may have wronged. But, even more so, they will see that we are NOT perfect – and they do not have to be either. They will see that Jesus loves us anyway, even when we do mess up. And we WILL mess up! It is only through Christ that we are made perfect.

Today is the day, my dear friends. It is time to lay down the idol of perfection. We cannot be an authentic warrior for Christ if we pretend to have it all together. It is through our authenticity that Christ uses us to reach other people with the Good News of his saving grace. Are you ready to let go of the need to be a perfect Christian in front of your unsaved husband and let Jesus use your authentic self for His glory?

*****

Let’s Pray: Father God, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, we come to you asking for your forgiveness. Lord, please forgive us if we have tried too hard to be a perfect Christian in front of the unbelievers in our lives. Align our hearts with yours and show us how to live authentically in front of our unsaved spouses and how to glorify your name through our gentle and quiet spirits. In your holy name we pray, Amen!

Your Assignment: Post the list that you made from the blog assignment – What do you think would happen if your unsaved spouse saw the “not-so-perfect, “unChristian” parts of you? Pray over these things and ask God to show you the truth from His Word.

Have a Blessed Week!

Jennifer

*****

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Trade Perfection for Authenticity – A Fine Linen Belt

November 5, 2012 by

This was another difficult chapter for me this week and I kept struggling with what God would have me to share with all of you. God is beginning to open buried places inside me that I have buried for years and I know that I have tried to be the “perfect” wife over all these years instead of what God showed me thru this lesson which is “Beverly I want you to be the authentic wife”, the woman who shows her true self that you were the day you said “I do”.   The one I want your husband to “see” because when he “sees” that, he will then see “me”.   Oh what an epiphany He showed me tonite about how sometimes I do just “show” God instead of “live” God in front of my husband.

In today’s lesson, we find a very interesting illustration.  God tells Jeremiah to buy a new linen belt and wear it around his waist. At that time, a linen belt was an intimate piece of clothing, comparable to the underwear of today.  After Jeremiah wore the belt, God directed him to take it off and hide it in some rocks near a river.  Several days later, God told Jeremiah to return to Perath and retrieve the belt.

After sitting in the elements, the belt that was once perfect and clean was ruined and completely useless.

The belt was symbolic of the people of Judah.  They were once a people who were close to God, just as the belt was once close to Jeremiah.  Over time, the people of Judah allowed pride to come into their hearts, and this pride was as damaging to the people of Judah as the elements were to the belt.  Eventually, that pride ruined them and rendered them completely useless to God.

If we are not careful,  we will be like the people of Judah in our marriages, we can allow the “elements” to damage our relationship with our husband.  We can start to feel alone, left out, like we are just two people living in the same home together but separate and pretty soon, we end up ruined and completely useless as someone who can reach inside our husbands lives and hearts.    We need to make sure we “stop and pay attention” to what we are saying and doing in our marriage and being sure we are being the living representation of Christ in our homes.

That doesn’t mean being perfect, it means being authentic!

As I was with my mom and sister this weekend during one of our bible study evenings my mom broke down and shared some things in her life that happened about 50 years ago that she had no idea that either of us knew, it was so relieving to finally hear her tell this story.   I have been knowing this about 15 years, however, she had no idea that I knew.    She finally had some break thru moments that evening, because she was being “authentic” with us after all these years.

Here are a few things that came to my mind as I studied this lesson that I think we need to be reflecting and showing our husbands:

  • Our hearts – what is in there
  • Our minds – what are we thinking
  • Our soul – what are our desires

Understand I know that some of our husbands may not want to hear these things, but if we approach him at the right time and in the right demeanor (meaning we have taken it to God first before we hit him with it)   I truly believe he will be more receptive to hearing our authentic selves and not the pretend tiptoeing around spouse we are currently being.   As Dineen shared with us; I also know that many of us don’t have the freedoms to voice our beliefs to our husband but we can live boldly through our actions, and through knowing Christ is there with us thru every moment to speak to us and lead the decisions and our words.

Let’s pray:

God I pray for each lady this week as we stop and pay attention to what each day and each moment in our marriage is saying to us and that You help us to be effective  “fine linen belts” in our homes. In your name I pray. Amen!

Your assignment:

Dineen shared with us that she asked God to connect the dots with this story He gave her in this chapter about how it related to being unequally yoked, and He gave her a picture of how the believing spouse can be that fine linen belt….    So after you read this lesson “trading perfection for authenticity” did God show you something specific to help “you” connect dots for your marriage, if so would you share your thoughts with us today.

 

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Trade Perfection With Authenticity

November 4, 2012 by

 

Trading Perfection for Authenticity — WOW!  What a chapter!  So much of this chapter stood out to me in ways that really caused me to think about my actions toward my husband.  It caused me to ask myself if my actions toward him were speaking the love of Christ, or the selfishness of Christi?  OUCH!!

Dineen said on page 100 that God has equipped us with the Holy Spirit to accomplish the things that He wants and needs for us to do.  All we need to do is listen and obey Him; be willing vessels for God to use in reaching our unsaved loved ones.  We should be encouraged to know that God can use each of us, in this way!!  As Dineen said, “He doesn’t “need” to; He “chooses” to!  He could change our husband all on His own, if He wanted to.  But He chose to use US, You and I, to be Jesus with skin-on to our unbelieving spouse, right here and right now!  I LOVE that!!!!

I won’t go further into this subject because it will be taking away from one of our bloggers this week who will be covering this topic.  But what I do want to do is share a video with you that I found.  It is an interview that is done with Lynn Donovan and a friend who is talking about how God used her to witness to her husband through the power of the Holy Spirit!  It’s a great video!!   I hope you will take the time to watch it all the way through!

You will find the link to this video HERE.  

PLEASE take the time to watch it!!  It will be worth the time!! I promise!

Before I give you your reading assignment, I do have a couple of questions for you.  Do you have a personal relationship with Christ?  Have you prayed for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit?  Two very important questions because we need both in our lives in order to love our spouses the way God intended.  I know for myself that without the Holy Spirit, I would not be as effective in my marriage!!

I know this study is for women who are married to an unsaved spouse, but I don’t want to assume that each one of you have accepted Christ as your Savior.  If not, and you would like someone from our prayer team to pray with you, please send us an email to Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com. One of our prayer team members will contact you and pray with you!!

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Here is your Reading Assignment for this week!

Nov 5 –  

Perfection for Authenticity / A Fine Linen Belt – Beverly

Nov 6 –

A Confession – Jennifer

Nov 7 –

Heart Tablets – Donna

Nov 8 –

Sacrificial Giving – Sarah

Nov 9 –

Discovery / Prayer – Martha

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Let’s Pray:

Father, I am so thankful for You in my life, and in the lives of each of the marriages represented here today. Lord, I lift each marriage to You today, and I ask for Your special blessings to pour out onto each husband and wife, and upon our unsaved loved ones.  I ask Lord that You give each wife wisdom and direction in how to love her husband unconditionally.  I ask that You teach each wife Lord, how to submit and not to be afraid to submit to her husband.  Lord, reveal to her to that submitting to her husband is also submitting to You, Lord, because this is what You instruct us to do!

Holy Spirit, I invite You into each marriage that is represented here.  Indwell us with Your power as we learn to be the submissive wife the Lord calls us to be.  Holy Spirit, I pray for each woman who is reading this today and I ask that You speak to each heart.  For those who have not invited You into their heart, I pray their hearts will be nudged today, and they will seek You knowing now that in their own weakness, You can provide the strength they need to be the authentic wife we are each called to be!  In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!

Be Blessed,

Christi

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Winning Him Without Words – Weekly Review

November 2, 2012 by

 

This week marks the halfway mark on our journey through Winning Him Without Words. What a ride it has been, as we have laughed, prayed, and learned new insights together about how to live our life before our husbands according to 1 Peter 3.

Before we move on, may I share a scene with you of the Israelites on their journey to The Promise Land [Exodus 14]. Perhaps it will be an encouragement to us on our journey.

Moses had just lead over six hundred thousand Israelites, along with their herd of cattle, out of Egypt where they had been slaves for over 430 years.  At last they were on their way to Canaan, the land God had promised was theirs to inherit.

But Pharaoh, the Egyptian king and his army, came after them in hot pursuit.  When the Israelites saw Pharaoh and his army coming, they began to cry out to Moses:  “It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die out here in The Wilderness.”

God spoke to Moses and said:

Tell the children of Israel to “GO FORWARD.”

“Go forward?”  “The Red Sea is in front of us!”  “Are you sure, God?”

But God knew what do about The Red Sea.  “Stretch out your hand over the sea,” were His words to Moses.  As Moses stretched his hand over the sea, the waters divided, the sea became dry land, and they crossed to the other side. The sea returned, and all the Egyptians drowned.  Thus the Lord saved Israel that day out of the hands of the Egyptians, and they continued on their journey.

Now, one would think that after that miraculous delivery that the Israelites would never doubt that they could not make it to Canaan and receive the inheritance God had promised them.  However, only two people of the original group, Joshua and Caleb, made it to Canaan.

Why only two?  Could it be that Joshua and Caleb made it into Canaan because they never lost sight of the vision God had given them.  Not only that, but they acted upon that vision despite the circumstances they faced and the people around them who didn’t believe it was possible.

I believe that God is saying to us: GO FORWARD with the vision He has given us for our marriage!  And yes, He can part The Red Sea in our life to get us there.

This week, at our halfway stop in Chapter 5, Beverly, Jennifer, Donna, and Sarah gave us good insights to go forward by: Believing Our Marriage is Blessed.

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Let’s review their points now.

Monday:  Believe your Marriage is Blessed – The Way to Mismatchdom – -Beverly points to the question that we who are in an unequally yoked marriage are often asked:  “Did you know he wasn’t a Christian when you married him?”

In Beverly’s case, she did know that her husband wasn’t a Christian prior to marriage.  But, as she points out, she could not then and even now after all these years change him.

However, Beverly has learned powerful lessons in her spiritually mismatched marriage:

  • We aren’t better than our spouse just because we are the believer.
  • A superior attitude is not showing or providing a warm welcome to who Jesus is.
  • Don’t give up, God is fully aware of the situation.
  • Recognize God’s presence.
  • Relax and stop trying to do God’s job.

These lessons she has learned provides a real moment of truth:  Only then can we begin to enjoy marriage, tensions will ease, and we won’t have to constantly be talking to our man about our faith.  We are living it in front of them  (remember, actions speak louder than words) they will see!

May we do likewise

Tuesday:  “The Call to Obedience” / “God’s Plan for Your Marriage” – – Jennifer starts off on the call to obedience with Dineen’s statement on page 85.  “What God requires of all covenant relationships, including marriages, is that He be at the center, whether your husband believes in Jesus or not.”

Jennifer then asks us some very pointed questions:

  1. What defines your relationship with Jesus?
  2. Is it defined by whether or not your spouse comes to faith?
  3. Is it defined by you being able to pray with your spouse or being able to read Bible passages together?
  4. Is it defined by going to church with your spouse…or not?
  5. Why does my (or your) relationship with our mighty Savior depend on the actions (or inactions) of another sinful, imperfect human

Jennifer makes a very valid point in conclusion:  Since WE believe, WE bring Jesus into our marriage. And that, my dear friends, is powerful. Soak that it. Rest in that truth. Whether you see God in your marriage right now or not, I promise you HE IS THERE and HE IS WORKING

May we do likewise

Wednesday:  Are We the Sweet Aroma of Christ, Or the Stench of Death?  Donna had never given a thought before as to how she “smelled” as a Christian!

But, it made her think of a favorite aunt whose aroma was always so sweet, not only because of her perfume, but because she radiated love to her.  She made Donna feel special and that she mattered to her.  Her love was genuine and Donna could sense it, smell it, and see it.

Donna pointed out that is what is the kind of aroma God wants us to give off to our loved ones, according to 2 Corinthians 2:14-16.

Ask yourself:

  • Does he see me living out my faith as the aroma of Christ?
  • Does he something in me that he longs for in the deepest depths of his soul?
  • Or does he see an ugly example that turns him off?
  • Do I want to be the aroma of death, stinky, decaying, rotting, death? Or do I want to give off the sweet, loving, breathtaking aroma of Christ?
  • “I choose Christ.”

May we do likewise

Thursday:  Blessed Doesn’t Mean Easy – Sarah ends the week by bringing us back to “giving thanks” for being in a mismatched marriage or any problem, for that matter, that we encounter.

Our natural tendency, as Sarah pointed out, is to focus on the problem and not the blessing God is trying to show us, or the lesson He would like us to grasp.  However, that doesn’t help or fix the issue.

Sarah challenges us to “turn your thinking around and see it through God’s eyes.  Look out, because your whole demeanor is going to change. You will be happy, worry free, stress free.”

Sarah, herself, has started doing this in many areas of her life and, I quote:  “the transformation in me was almost instantaneous!”

May we do likewise.

Friday: Discovery/Prayer – Father, God, I thank you for what you have taught us during the first five weeks on our journey in Winning Him Without Words. Help us to Go Forward remembering as we go, that “we can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens us.” In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Above all, if you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, and would like to have someone pray with you, please email us at Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com. and one of our prayer team members will contact you.

Have a blessed day,

Martha

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Winning Him Without Words: Blessed Doesn’t Mean Easy

November 1, 2012 by

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Roman 8:37

When we are going through a tough time in our lives, it is so easy to just focus on the problem and not the blessing God is trying to show us, or the lesson he would like us to grasp. Sometimes it makes us feel better to dwell on the problem. Tell everyone that will listen how bad things are for us and hope we’ll get some sympathy. But how far does that really get you? You get to hear the “oh, I’m so sorry’s” and the “boy, you sure do get your dose of bad luck” but do those words really solve your problem? Do they make you feel better? Maybe for a minute. But then what? The answer is God dear sisters. If you can take your mind off of your troubles, and instead focus on what God really has in store for you, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Philippians 4:13.

Since you are a member of this study, most likely your biggest problem is your unsaved spouse. You have spent so much time praying for him, thinking of ways you can get your husband to see the light, talking to other girlfriends asking their advice on what to do next. God wants you to stop and refocus your attention on Him. Go to Him with your troubles, ask His advice and then know that He will work on it. It may not be the next day or even the next month, but, you must have faith that God is working. Only then will you find peace.

Like the title of this section suggests, just because you know you are blessed, doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy! It is hard to just trust God, but try thinking of it this way, you know God is in you, right? If God has peace, shouldn’t you? Of course you should. Does God have doubt? No! So you shouldn’t either. Once you start going down that path of doubt, stress and anxiety, stop yourself and say “God is in me, if He has peace, so do I.”

Another way to deal with a trial is to rejoice in it. WHAT? Yep! Be happy God is putting you through a tough time to prepare you for great things. He is making you grow. Going through something hard is God’s way of showing you He is working on your problems and if you will obey His word and patiently trust  Him during that tough situation, when the time has passed, you will come out on the other side stronger and blessed beyond your wildest dreams. If we chose to stay where we are, wallowing in our self-pity and not wanting to see hope, we miss out on the revelation God is trying to show us. Instead of being limited, trust God and be unlimited.

“There is purpose in your pain.” Those are the words God gave to Dineen when they were watching their daughter fight cancer. Wouldn’t it had been easy for Dineen’s family to just sit and question God and even be angry to allow their daughter to suffer through such a horrible disease? Sure. But when she heard the words “there is purpose in your pain” it had to be a relief to her. There is comfort in knowing you are not being put through something so horrible for nothing. I bet we can all look back on our lives and think of a struggle we’ve been through that just seemed unimaginable at the time, but once we were on the other side of the mountain, we were able to see why God took us through it. There is always a purpose. It is so important to remain faithful to God. If we do, we will be so blessed. In our marriage, in our finances, in our parenting. Faithfulness in God brings nothing but blessings.

Dineen says sometimes a mismatched marriage can feel like the fiery furnace like the one Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego went through. But those men kept their faith that God was right there in the middle of it with them and he delivered them without even a hint of smoke on their clothes. God is with you too in the middle of your mismatched marriage. He IS bringing you through it. Just keep your faith. I agree with Dineen when she says, “the key is to stop seeing our mismatched marriage and our husband as problems to be solved and accept both as blessings to be enjoyed.” That is not normally what people do in the natural, is it? But to quote another smart person, Dr. Phil, “how’s that workin’ for ya?” Seriously. How well has it been working for you to think of your husband and your mismatched marriage as a problem. The same can be said on any problem you dwell on. It doesn’t help or fix the issue. But if you can turn your thinking around and see it through God’s eyes, wow. Look out because your whole demeanor is going to change. You will be happy, worry free, stress free. Doesn’t that sound fantastic? I have started to do this in many areas of my life and the transformation in me was almost instantaneous!

I apologize for continuing to quote Dineen, but she has written this section so well and there are so many great nuggets I took away from it, but I am going to leave you with her final thoughts in this section.

.
“We discover the ability to laugh and appreciate special moments despite imperfect conditions, and, most importantly, we learn that we are not responsible for the results. God is.” Isn’t that a freeing thought?! You don’t HAVE to be miserable because your husband isn’t saved. You can be happy, you can enjoy him and see him as a blessing like you did when you first met. When you do, you will feel that peace God has already given you. It is just up to you to tap into it!

Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, it is so easy for us to get caught up in our troubles and not want to see the joy in our suffering. Sometimes we want to throw the mother of all pity parties and invite everyone we know. Please speak loudly in our hearts during these times and remind us that you have already supplied us with all the tools we need to make it through any trial or struggle. You have given us joy, hope, faith and peace. Nudge us through our tough times and from now on we will keep our focus on You. You are our greatest blessing. We love you Lord. In Jesus precious name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Sometimes when I am going through a tough time and start sliding down into the self-pity pit, I will make a list of my blessings. When you count up all that God has given you, it makes it easier to see how awesome our God is and to be reaffirmed He has worked wonders in your life. Please list below your blessings. I won’t put a certain number on it, I’ll leave the length up to you.  Let’s show God how grateful we are!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Believe your Marriage is Blessed – The Way to Mismatchdom

October 29, 2012 by

Did you know he wasn’t a Christian when you married him?

How many of you have been asked this question from others in your lifetime?   Raise your hand….

For me it was and is always a hard question to answer and I even fear will I be asked today.   It is so hard having to answer this question over and over and you know sometimes when you get asked you know the person asking is genuinely concerned about your marriage and then sometimes you wonder do they ask just to “talk about you” and I think that is the hardest for me.

How many of us made up answers to this question because we just didn’t want to face the facts again?   We thought of many creative ways to tell others “NO I didn’t know that about him”.

 I did know this before I said “I do” and yet I still said “I do”.

As I stated before to all of you I was not taught about marrying a non-believer so to me I thought, no worries, you can change him after you get married, don’t worry now, all is well.

Guess what…..I could not then and even now after all these years “I” still can’t change him.    All I can do is pray that he will allow God to do the changing.

Pg. 84 “God is calling us no matter how we arrived to be the presence of Christ in our husband’s lives”.  You don’t have to hold back any good thing from your husband just because he doesn’t believe in God, instead your loving treatment of him may cause him to have a change of heart!  This is not to say that a wife has the power to save her husband’s soul; only the Holy Spirit can accomplish that, but you can certainly influence your husband (without words no less!) and show him the love of Christ.

We don’t have to brow beat God or have a Gospel ambush onto our man, instead just know that we are to be obedient to Christ and live Him in front of our man. Your man will recognize love when he sees it and if you are being obedient then you are showing him “God’s love”. We must remember we are the conduit to bring God into our marriage.

A good statement I heard in a sermon once is “no one was ever nagged into the kingdom of God”. If our spouse is on the receiving end of criticism and manipulation —they’re going to run. The harder we try, the faster they run.

Don’t give up, God is fully aware of our situation, when we recognize God’s presence we can relax and stop trying to do God’s job and that is when we will begin to enjoy our marriage again, tensions will ease and we won’t have to constantly be talking to our man about our faith, because we are living it in front of them  (remember, actions speak louder than words) they will see!   We aren’t better than our spouse just because we are the believer, he will see right through all that and we must know that this superior attitude is not showing or providing a warm welcome to who Jesus is.

You can speak the Gospel loud and clear by never mentioning the name of Jesus. We’re not authorized to judge others (Matthew 7:1). Sometimes in marriage we’re prone to judge because of what we know —or think we know —about our spouses. We do know that God cares about our mates. The struggle may take time, and may even challenge our faith. We can trust God to nurture our spouses and our marriages.  Scripture says that he may be won, not he will be won. It does not say that because we have a quiet, gentle, and meek spirit that our husband will be saved in two weeks. We need to try not to analyze why our spouse won’t “take hold of the cross.” I have dwelled on this thought many times and realize I am taking up time enjoying him and our life by wondering “when” will he make a decision.

Isaiah 40:31 tells us that those who hope and wait on the Lord will renew their strength. That’s God’s promise of what time spent with Him will produce. This should be our pursuit right now… ask yourself how can I live more victoriously in Christ and be a living and visual testimony to my husband of who Christ is?    When we can answer this question we will “see” and “believe” that our marriage is blessed and as Dineen states on page 84 “we will have no reason to feel shame or condemnation for our choice of a husband.

Let’s pray:

God help each of us to be a walking, talking testimony to our husbands, help us to help them to see Jesus in every moment of our marriage.  In your name I pray, Amen!

Your assignment:

How can you be “the presence of Jesus in your husband’s life this week?   Tell us about it…

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Filed Under: Women's Ministry Tagged With: , , , , ,
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