November 5, 2024

A Daughter’s Worth: Week 8 / Day 2 – You CAN Insist That Boys Treat You Well

November 20, 2012 by

When you CAN do something it means you are Able, Permitted, Possible, or Designed to do something.  That is pretty awesome to think that I was designed to be able to insist that people treat me well.  Does that mean that every person in my life WILL treat me well?  Uh, NO!  Do I have to accept that behavior from them?  Uh, No.  So, why would I let a boy treat me any less than God created me to be?  Uh, WOW.  Do you know what the past tense of CAN is??? COULD.   Could hurts me to say.  Could means that I made a bad choice and, if I could go back, I would change what happened.  Could usually comes with regret. 🙁

In our home, if we have a hard time deciding if something is right or wrong, we take it back to the Bible and see what it says about the subject.  When we have friends or family members who treat us poorly, we look to see if our behaviors have lined up with the scriptures.  The verses we go to about relationships is 1 Corinthians 13.  It’s called the LOVE chapter.  We all want to be loved and want to love other people, so why not seek out what LOVE is from the source, GOD.

 So the Bible says this is what love IS.  Anything that doesn’t look like this is NOT love and you can WALK the other way or INSIST to be treated with love.  Sometimes that is hard to do.  We may have to walk away from our friends or that cute guy that we want to like.  We may have to stand up for ourselves and tell our ‘friends’ (and sometimes our family) that we don’t want to be treated in a way that makes us feel uncomfortable.  When we deal with our friends and family, we also need to follow these verses and treat them with LOVE.

If a young man wants your attention and wants to love you, he will make you feel smart, funny and pretty. (And not because of what he can get from you)  He will never ask you to do anything that will make you ashamed or feel dirty. (Love does not insist on its own way, it does not rejoice in wrongdoing)  He will want you to spend time with your friends and family and would even want to hang out with you.  (Love is patient and kind, it does not envy, it is not arrogant or rude)  Boyfriends should draw you closer to God, not pull you away from Him.  (Love rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things)  Boyfriends should always make you feel good inside; not sick, worthless, jealous or angry.  (Love endures all things)

When you are a teenager it is hard to find a boy that can measure up to all these standards.  Sometimes you want to lower your standards just to have someone you can call “yours”.  Each time you give your heart away, you lose a little piece of yourself.  Most teens are not able to love someone else more than they love themselves. That takes maturity and maturity comes with living life and seeking God.   It is almost impossible to find a teen boy who loves you the way God created you to be loved. It’s OK to wait for that person God has been preparing just for you.

In my family, with so many daughters, we have many different opinions on the topic of dating and boys.  Some of my daughters want to wait to have a boyfriend, to hold hands, to kiss someone; to give him her heart until she is ready to be married.  Some of my daughters enjoy having a young man to call her own and share her “life” with.  A couple have gotten tired of waiting, tried to make it happen on their own and have had broken hearts.  I love them all and continue to point them back to 1 Corinthians 13 to help them decide if they are being treated with love and if they are treating others with love.  There is no cookie cutter answer about having a boyfriend because girls are not cookies.  =D

In our study, Ava Sturgeon says, “As a daughter of worth, you should expect to be treated well.  Dating the wrong guy is a tragic waste of you.  God’s beautiful potential.”  How true!  Protect your heart.  You are going to need all those pieces of yourself.  If you find that your heart is already broken into little pieces, take them to God and let Him put them back together.  He will.  It’s not too late.  He wrote the book on LOVE, so trust Him to show you what perfect LOVE looks like.

If what you are seeing and receiving from people does not match up with what the Bible says you deserve – turn around and head back toward God.  You are on the wrong path.  That leads me back to my life verse, Proverbs 3:6, “In all your ways acknowledge Him and HE will direct your paths”. 

You CAN insist that boys/men/parents/siblings/friends treat you well.  You CAN treat them well in return.  It’s not too late to get on the right PATH facing God’s direction.  Be blessed my friends.

Let’s Pray:

Father we thank you for creating us with the desire to be loved and to want to love others.  Lord we want someone to love us the way YOU love us.  Father, give us patience to wait on the person you are preparing for us.  Give us people in our lives who support us, care about us and protect our hearts.  We know that you are the source of all love and good things and that is what we want for ourselves and for our friends.  Help us to always look to you for guidance and keep our feet on the right path.  We love you, Lord.  Amen

Mama T <3

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Our new study is A Daughter’s Worth! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information

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Winning Him Without Words: Travel The Road of Forgiveness

November 20, 2012 by

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Bitterness, resentment and anger over unmet needs. These are all kindling for unforgiveness and I have gathered them all. When someone does something that hurts me, I am unable to tell them. Confrontation is too difficult for me. I am a “nice” person and a “nice” person does not argue or complain. That is unless you are my husband. When he does something to irritate me, I’m all about letting him know about it. It’s that “word” thing again! My mouth opens like a flood gate and all sorts of “you should’ve known better” and “you don’t care about me” accusations come bursting out. In the world, people say releasing that anger is cleansing. But not me. After I lose my temper I am left with feelings of guilt. I know I shouldn’t act that way and I am embarrassed of my actions. That guilt turns into resentment towards my husband because if he hadn’t made me mad in the first place, I wouldn’t be feeling so lousy now. So I stay angry, resentful and bitter and can’t even fathom forgiving my husband for making me angry.

Ugh. How exhausting that kind of marriage can be. So to change this endless cycle I have had to pray, and I’ve had to pray HARD because forgiveness is hard! When you feel jilted your human instinct is to get even, it’s the insult for insult, eye for an eye mentality. But God doesn’t want you to act like that. He wants you to give it to Him!

Especially when you are trying to speak with your unbelieving spouse. I recently had a discussion with a friend who is an unbeliever. I was astounded that he truly does not believe in God and I know he was just as perplexed with my views. It makes it very hard to have a civil discussion when both sides believe so strongly in their views, doesn’t it? Insulting, angry words will be tossed around, tempers will escalate, feelings will get hurt. Things may be said that are very hard to forgive. And like I said above, forgiveness is hard, but not if you ask God for his help. Turn to Him and tell him of your hurts and ask Him to help you forgive your husband. By turning to God you are given the power of the Holy Spirit and through Him you can do all things! Even forgive!

When you forgive you gain freedom. Freedom from the hurt feelings, freedom from the frustration and anger. He takes it all from you and leaves you free to just love your husband as he is, because after all, that is what God wants us to do. He doesn’t want you to worry about your unsaved spouse anymore. Leave that to God & be your husbands fine linen rope.

Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, forgiveness is a hard thing to do, but we know how important it is, not only for a healthy marriage, but also for a healthy mind and body. Unforgiveness can eat away at us like a cancer if we let it. Reveal to us Lord the areas of unforgiveness in our marriage and help us to give them to You. Help us to heal from the past hurts and replace that pain with the feeling of freedom! In your precious name, Jesus, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Below I’d like you to talk about an area of unforgiveness in your marriage that  you may be holding onto. We will all pray with you to release it to God!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the Winning Him Without Words Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “Sign-Up Here” button located at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Move from Hurt to Healing – The Seasons of Marriage

November 19, 2012 by

The four seasons (spring, summer, fall and winter)….are they different?

Let’s name some differences we notice as each season comes around:

Spring – the sun rises in the earlier hours of the morning and begins setting later in the afternoon, the days begin to get slightly warmer, spring flowers start to appear, birds start building their nests, some days are cold enough to still get snow and yet some days are warm enough to play out in the garden.

Summer – the days are warmer and longer, we have to protect our skin from the harmful sun rays by using sunscreen, the weather is drier/humid, in some areas it is so hot we can hardly breathe.

Fall – days become shorter, evenings become cooler in the evenings, leaves fall off of trees, strong winds, lot of rain, hurricane season.

Winter – the days are shorter and very cold, sometimes we wake up to find frost or ice, sometimes it rains, sometimes we have sleet and snow.

As each season approaches we experience how our world can be turned upside down, revealing something different as each one comes and goes.

This is the same with our marriages, we have seasons with it too! I love the way Lynn talked about walking thru her garden looking for hints of new growth. How her garden is a marker of sorts, how her garden is a reflection of her marriage journey.

Let’s explore our seasons of marriage and check  and see if we need to do some planting, some pruning, some weeding, spreading the necessary fertilizer so that growth (healing) can occur.

Let’s look at the beginning season of our marriage – I am gonna call this the ooey gooey romantic season – this is the season where we look at each other all the time with “that look” you know the look I am talking about, the one that says you are mine forever and as long as we are together…no matter what we do or look like our life will be perfect forever! Yep these are the early years of marriage, the years that we think we can conquer anything that comes our way, that we have this marriage thing made in the shade, however, there is something that we don’t think about this season at first but it is filled with nervousness, confusion and hurts that we don’t notice at first because we are so preoccupied with “getting married” and being in-love that we didn’t notice the other stuff that was already there.

Now we slowly move into another season of marriage – I will call this the drown or float season…kids have now come into our lives, more bills have come our way, more duties like sports activities-dance classes, stresses on kids to have the name brand clothing and all the new fan-dangled electronics, kids start driving….

Oh and now we move into the next season—kids are out on their own, maybe you have retired, you made it through everything your marriage seasons brought your way so far, you started with your marriage of 2, then onto a family of 4, now back to the 2 of you again. You now sit across the room looking at your sweet geezer and you notice the grey hairs, the wrinkled face and your mind wanders back to all the seasons of your marriage you have had up to now—and you experience how rich the soil in your garden has truly been—you are now sensing the need to have a tilling season…..

As you sit and look at your husband you begin to look down the rows(the seasons) of your marriage and how you were growing in your faith with God and you were growing your children in your faith with God and yet one row of your marriage was not growing with the same speed as the other rows were,  as a matter of fact those rows were what is called “stunted growth”.   The more you learned about Jesus the more you wanted your husband to know and learn.   You wanted to come together in this area of your marriage and bring a harvest “together”, and yet you were doing it all alone…not together like in your ooey gooey season.

You felt lonely even though you weren’t alone, because you now have God.  The old hornworms(Satan) is always waiting for this time  in our marriage so that he can destroy what God is trying to bless, and when we remain in God’s row we discover the power of growth in us and our marriage.

We push pass the lonliness the hurts we experience, we begin cultivating, pruning and reshaping what old smut face is trying to destroy.   We put new soil(God’s Word) in our souls, this is how our season of hurt to healing reveals its power in our marriage.

Our husbands may still be in the row of stunted growth because he hasn’t chosen to move over to the row where Christ is but every season of marriage we go through together is worth the wait, worth every struggle we may face, worth the day-by-day effort we put into making our marriage grow—-but getting to the day of HARVEST means we have some walking to do through our garden(our marriage) looking for signs of new growth, staying on a seek and destroy mission to weed out the worms, traveling through (the rows) the road of forgiveness…..then and only then will we see A HARVEST and survive this season.

Let’s Keep cultivating our marriages and bring home a harvest (our husband) to God…God can use us to till, to plant, to prune, to weed and to spread the fertilizer that our husbands and our marriages need!

Let’s Pray:

God I pray that you show each of us how to cultivate new soil this week in our marriage, in Your name I pray.  Amen!

Your assignment:

Share with us what your season of marriage looks like and how you will cultivate it in order to help bring home a harvest.

Love you all and Happy Thanksgiving,

Beverly

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Key #8 – Move from Hurt to Healing – Seasons of Marriage (Reading Assignment)

November 18, 2012 by


I am really looking forward to this week’s chapter. There is a lot to dig into and what better time to talk about forgiveness in our marriages than during Thanksgiving week? The time we sit down with our loved ones to give thanks for all that we have. Take some time to soak in this chapter as your go about your Thanksgiving preparations. Ask God to meet you where  you are and for His help to overcome any unforgiveness you are experiencing.
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Here is your Reading Assignment for this week!

Nov 19
2 Cor 1:3 Move from Hurt to Healing – Seasons in Marriage
– Beverly

Nov 20
Travel the Road of Forgiveness
– Sarah

Nov 21
A Front Row Seat / Discovery / Prayer
–  Martha

Nov 22
*Special Blog Post – Thanksgiving Traditions
— Jennifer

Nov 23
*Special Blog Post – Thanksgiving Traditions
— Jennifer

 

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Let’s Pray: Lord, forgiveness is hard. But we know that we are commanded to forgive because you first forgave us. Help us to lay aside our own feelings and to truly forgive our spouse for any wrongdoing they may have committed against us. Please heal the bitterness and resentment that have taken root in our hearts which have prevented us from forgiving. Reveal your will to us, Father. Meet us where we are as we go into this week. Give us peace and strength and help us to place our full trust in You. In Jesus name, Amen.

Blessings,

Jennifer

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lord, Teach Us to Pray – Week 8

November 17, 2012 by


Today we continue a series entitled Lord, teach us to pray!  Do you ever cry out with that same desire as Jesus’ disciples did — “Teach {me} to pray”?

Each Saturday over the next couple of months, we will intentionally pursue asking the Lord to do just that—teach us to pray.  I believe that, as we continue to look at learning how to pray through the Scriptures, we will develop into daughters who delight, yearn, love to pray to their Father!!!  This is my heart’s desire.

Jesus was asked this important question by His disciples. One of the places that it is recorded is in Luke 11, verse 1: “Then He was praying in a certain place; and when He stopped, one of His disciples said to Him, Lord, teach us to pray….”

Listen to the words that He spoke to them when they asked:

Pray, therefore, like this:

Our Father

Who is in heaven,

hallowed (kept holy) be Your name.

Your kingdom come,

Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts,

and have given up resentment against) our debtors.

And lead (bring) us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one.

For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.

Amen.

Matthew 6:9-13

The first week, in this series, we focused on the very first, and most important aspect, of Jesus’ instruction—addressing God Almighty as “Our Father….” We found that He wants to be our Father…our Abba Father!

The second week, we looked at the very next aspect of prayer that Jesus deemed of  importance—”Who is in heaven.”  This attribute tells of the utmost importance of God Who is in heaven.  And we also were reminded of an awesome promise from God, that we will dwell for all eternity with Jesus and our Father, Who is in heaven.

Then we came to the third aspect, as we followed Jesus’ instruction,— “hallowed (kept holy) be Your name.”  And we looked at five examples in the Scriptures where Almighty God is described as holy: we saw the Psalmist proclaim that ‘You are holy’…that the prophet Habakkuk called Him ‘my Holy One’…that Isaiah saw in a vision God seated on His throne with the seraphim proclaiming ‘holy, holy, holy’…that Jesus our Lord prayed  ‘Holy Father’…that one of the seven angels praise Almighty God saying ‘You Who are and were ‘O Holy One.’  What a privilege that our Father…Who is in heaven…would allow us to come before Him and call Him ‘holy!’

After that we looked at the next aspect of prayer that Jesus deemed important—‘Your Kingdom come.’  We considered the question, “What is the Kingdom?” by focusing on just two ways to understand what Jesus meant.  The first connotation that “Kingdom” has refers to the eternal Kingdom.  And then to understand “Kingdom” in another way, we looked specifically at Matthew chapter 13  where Jesus spoke in parables and used tangible examples to help His disciples (and us!) to understand the importance of having the Kingdom established in our hearts.  He wants you and me to be in that Kingdom along with Him.

The following week we focused on another aspect of Jesus’ instruction: ‘Your will be done.’  It is Almighty God’s will that we are to be concerned about…not our own.  We considered scripture after scripture and saw our Lord’s constant example showing that it was not His will that was important but His Father’s.  If it were ever possible for anyone to justifiably state and act on their own will, it would have been Jesus; true?  Jesus always desired His Father’s will, always sought His Father’s will, always purposed to know His Father’s will so that He always did His Father’s will.  And what did we find was His Father’s will?—salvation and redemption through Jesus Christ.  We were assured that at the very foundation of God’s will lies our hope, which is salvation through Jesus leading to eternal life.

And the next week we studied the phrase ‘Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven’ from the perspective of our Lord’s life and ministry.  In John 6:38 we read that Jesus came down from heaven not to do His own will but to do the will of His Father on the earth.  Jesus was always the perfect example to His disciples, and of course, to us.  We, too, can live with that same heart as Jesus did.  God has promised to lead us, to guide us, to show us His Will.  We looked at a number of promises that God has given us regarding our knowing His will.  Jesus, Who knew His heavenly Father like no one else did, desired to do God’s will.  God’s perfect will.  He simply and clearly taught His disciples AND US to do the same. 

Last week we considered the phrase, “Give us this day our daily bread.”  We recognized that Jesus IS the ‘bread of life.”  We looked at John chapter 6 where Jesus spoke repeatedly about this.  We clearly saw Jesus’ heart of compassion, wanting them (and us!) to live forever by partaking of the Bread of Life—Himself—and receiving that blessing.  We also looked at  Jesus’ instruction that if they would pray, “give us this day our daily bread…” they would be humbly acknowledging that their heavenly Father already KNEW what their needs would be that day.  For us, just like Jesus’ disciples, it is when we recognize our immense need for God’s provision that we step back from trying to accomplish it (whatever ‘it’ may be for that day) and let the One Who has so much to give to us provide so perfectly for us!  Let’s remember: Jesus answered their plea to teach them to pray, and in the midst of that instruction, He directed them to pray, “give us this day our daily bread.”  Then, He gently reminded them that God already provided that daily bread for them!  (AND for us!)

Here in week eight, we are focusing on the next direction Jesus gave as He taught His disciples (and now us!) to pray.  It is the request to “…forgive us our debts.”

In Matthew chapter 18, Jesus addressed the issue of forgiveness in two different ways.  The first occurrence is recorded in verses 21,22:

“Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? [As many as] up to seven times?  Jesus answered him, I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven!”

Oh boy!  Can’t you just picture Peter’s jaw dropping?  I’m thinking that is not exactly the answer he imagined the Lord would give him, right?  But that was, and is, our Lord’s response.  Nothing has changed.  We, too, are to forgive “…seventy times seven…”  (In other words, just keep on forgiving!)

Jesus goes on to give further clarification and direction to Peter along with the other disciples about this important issue of forgiveness.   We are going to look at verses 21-35; you can either open your Bible, or follow this link to read this entire record.  <http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2018:23-35&version=AMP>

Jesus tells quite a story in this parable!  He hold nothing back in communicating that forgiveness, or the refusal to forgive, is an issue of the heart.  See how He portrays the king towards the man who owed him much money.

“And his master’s heart was moved with compassion, and he released him and forgave him [cancelling] the debt” (verse 27).

Wow!  This king was owed over 10,000 talents.  A talent was an amount of money used in Jesus’ day and time.  Biblical scholars do not agree on the total equivalent in today’s monetary value.  I’ve seen it quoted in the range of $10,000,000 to $3 billion.  But we can say with certainty that 10,000 talents was a vast amount of money to owe.  The king had every right and reason to imprison the man for his failure to repay.  He didn’t; he forgave him the entire debt out of a heart of compassion.  This is forgiveness.

As Jesus continues, He depicts this man (the servant) now going to his fellow attendant and demanding what was owed to him.  It is NOT with a similar attitude of forgiveness that he addresses his peer.  Rather, it is with a hardened, merciless heart that he refuses to forgive and, instead, he (the original, forgiven servant) has the man (his fellow attendant) thrown into prison until he can repay this small debt.

The record continues as we see the king (the master) call the first man back to him, and chastise him for being pitiless and merciless toward his fellow attendant.  The king then does have him thrown in jail because of his contemptible attitude and lack of forgiveness to his fellow attendant.

And then Jesus clearly states His second point.

“So also My heavenly Father will deal with every one of you if you do not freely forgive your brother from your heart his offenses” (verse 35).

God through Christ has forgiven us for so, SO much!  And He compassionately, mercifully, and lovingly continues to forgive us as we repent and ask.

Colossians 2:13,14

And you who were dead in trespasses and in the uncircumcision of your flesh (your sensuality, your sinful carnal nature), [God] brought to life together with [Christ], having [freely] forgiven us all our transgressions,

Having cancelled and blotted out and wiped away the handwriting of the note (bond) with its legal decrees and demands which was in force and stood against us (hostile to us). This [note with its regulations, decrees, and demands] He set aside and cleared completely out of our way by nailing it to [His] cross.

Oh. How. He. Loves. Us. So.  <3

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This week, in our study A Daughter’s Worth, we have been focusing on family relationships and their importance in our growth as Christians.  Forgiveness is a foundational need among family members.  We have so much need to be continually forgiven, as well as we must extend much forgiveness to our parents and siblings.

Ask yourself:  ______ (insert your name here), how much worth do I have if God has so graciously and mercifully forgiven me for my sins?  How much worth do I have if  Jesus was willing to die for me so that I could have forgiveness of my sins?   <3

“…Forgive us our debts….”

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Our new study is A Daughter’s Worth! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information

Filed Under: Teens Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Winning Him Without Words: Speak Words of Grace/Receive Grace

November 15, 2012 by

Speak Words of Grace

Words. Boy do women use their words! Dr. Louann Brizendine, clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco states in “The Female Brain” that “A woman uses about 20,000 words per day while a man uses about 7,000.”  The poor guys can barely get a word in edge wise! But ya know what, I think they prefer it that way. Remember what we learned a few chapters back, men are physical beings. The show their emotions through doing, not talking.

But not us, ladies. We will talk until the cows come home, or at least until we think our point is made, whichever comes first. When it comes to arguing, our words can become mind numbing to our men. After awhile, they just shut down & try to find a retreat! That is why it is important for us to find the right words to convey what we are trying to say. When there is a conflict in your marriage that needs to be discussed, it is wise to discuss it with God first.

“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” Proverbs 17:27

Ask God to give you the right words to reach your husband, to help him to understand your point of view. Use fewer words and words that hold meaning. Your husband will listen harder and comprehend more if you aren’t droning on and on without ever making a clear point. Just because you are disagreeing on something does not mean you have to use hurtful and insulting words either. Choose words of “faithfulness, loyalty, friendship and honor” like Dineen learned to do. Remember what Dineen’s friend shared with her: The words of his queen make him a king. That has really stuck with me and makes me want to really choose my words wisely. To seek God for his guidance before even pursuing an issue with my husband. I am making James 1:19 my new mantra:

 Understand this, my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.

Receive Grace

Alright, now we know how to speak words of grace to our husbands, but how do you speak to yourself? Are you continually beating yourself up? Telling yourself you aren’t pretty, smart or thin enough? Are you still hanging onto regrets from your past? Well I am here to tell you to stop!

Ladies, let’s address this self-image problem first. God created you to be exactly who you are. You are a woman of God. You are beautiful in his eyes, inside and out. Don’t put down God’s creation!! My nose is a bit large for my face, but I love it because I inherited it from my grandfather. My grandfather has been gone for 11 years, but I still can see him in ME and that gives me great comfort. Can you do that? Can you take one of your “problem areas” and embrace it?

And what about regrets. I’ve had a few… to quote Frank Sinatra. Who hasn’t! None of us are perfect and a lot of our regrets are part of the growing up process. I held onto some regrets for a long time because of my tendency to dwell in guilt. But one day God just shook me up and told me He knew I was going to do those less than pleasing things before I did them. It was all part of my life’s path. Without those regrets, I would have nothing to learn and grow from. God knows you, he knows everything you will do or say before you do it because He has painted your path ahead of you. Ask for His forgiveness and he will give it to you in an instant. But the kicker is, you then have to believe you are forgive and MOVE ON. You can’t keep coming back to it over and over because that is telling God you don’t truly believe you are forgiven. Meditate on this verse for help:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old is gone, the new has come.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Repent and believe he has restored you. You are now a new body in Christ and He has such great things planned for you!

Let’s Pray

Dear Lord, Life and death is by the tongue. Help us to learn this lesson and take hold of its meaning. Put a guard on our tongues and a filter in our minds before we speak so that every word coming from our mouth is one that is pleasing and affirming to you. We love you, Lord and want to speak only the words that are sweet to your ears. In Jesus precious name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

One word I have deleted from my vocabulary is “hate”. I no longer say things such as “I hate my thighs” or “I hate so & so”. That word has always been a strong and mean word to me and I just don’t want to put it out into the world. What are some words you can delete from your vocabulary?

In our house we do not say “I can’t.” We can always try our best, but we will never start off by saying “I can’t.”  What are some words you can delete from your marriage?

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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A Daughter’s Worth: Week 7 Day 1 – Families Sometimes Struggle

November 12, 2012 by

Ummm…girls can we be real with each other, like really real with each other-especially in this chapter of our book.  Nobody comes from a perfect family.  As much as the idea of living in a huge home with a white picket fence around it appeals to each and every one of us; truth-be told if you took down the walls of that house: inside it wouldn’t be all roses and gumdrops!  NO WAY and can you imagine if it was, you would never have a need for God now that would make for one sad and lonely household.

One thing I have learned from trials in my own family is that when they come (and trust me they will) they make me realize that I need God on a moment by moment basis.  If we went through life without pain how would we know joy?  If we went through like without feeling hopeless how would we know the amazing feeling of hope that comes from God alone?  Family trials are not intended to destroy us or break our families apart; they can be used to grow closer to God and for us to come to terms with the fact that we always need Him.  The Lord is here for us, he desires to help us.  Do you believe that today?

Hebrews 4:16:

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.

There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Do you understand this verse?  Sometimes I think back to my teen years and remember not fully understanding most of what I heard in church.  Let’s break apart this verse and try to figure out why it is so important to seek GOD alone in our struggles with family.

Let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.  How do we come boldly to God?  We do this when we pray.  We think of the requests we have.  I know when I was your age I prayed a lot that my sister and I would get along.  I prayed that my brother would not be mean to me.  I prayed that my parents would not argue as much.  These prayers did not seem like a big deal.  I did not expect anything to come from these requests.  When we pray to God, when we seek Him for help, we must be bold.  We must not be afraid to share with God exactly what is on our minds or hearts.  After all, God already knows what you are thinking so do not be afraid for one minute to approach God with your requests.  This is not just anybody we are approaching here-it is God and more than that it is our GRACIOUS God.  The one who gives generously and the one who loves to hear from us.  When you have a trial in your family first bring your requests boldly and with confidence to our gracious God who loves you so much!

There we will receive his mercy.  Mercy is compassion or forgiveness.  When we turn to God with confidence we are turning to our Friend.  As our Friend, God has compassion on us and He forgives us for all of the times that we mess up big time.  If we so freely receive HIS forgiveness for the times we mess up big time (lying, not being kind, raising our voice, disobeying our parents, etc.) shouldn’t we do the same for our family members and everyone else for that matter when they hurt us?  The answer is yes just so you know.  Trust me, I know this is not an easy task.  When we are in the middle of that long drawn out voice raising battle with our parents the last thing we want to do is forgive them for the hurtful words said.  Do not be discouraged if this seems impossible.  When we come to God and share with Him our hurt, it is God who then helps us to show mercy to that same person who hurt us.  We know how amazing God’s forgiveness is, and we should desire for others to experience His forgiveness too.  When we choose to forgive them, they are able to experience a sliver of His forgiveness!

We will find grace to help us when we need it most.  Grace and mercy go hand in hand.  God’s grace though is one of the absolute coolest things.  I do not know if you know this or not but when we mess up and God loves us still-that is His grace at his finest.  How many times have you gotten into a fight with your parents?  When you are in the fight the last thing you are thinking is you love each other.  BUT after hours or days you realize you really do still love one another.  Well, kind of the same thing with God: except God loves us no matter what, it does not take him hours or days to come around, he loves us in the moment, no matter what that moment may be.  Because God loves us that much and because He is in that moment with us, we have access to His help instantly.  You are not alone.  God is waiting patiently for you to seek Him for help.  He will always help you.  This is a promise from God.

As I said earlier, trials in our families will come that is certain!  It is up to us to let God in to help us through each trial.  I encourage you to share this post with your family today.  I encourage you to make a pact to one another that when the messes in life happen, that you will vow to live out this verse by seeking God first for help to have mercy and grace for one another.  God blessed you with each one of your family members to do life with.  Let us thank Him for their purpose in your life and make the most of the days you have to spend together!

Let’s Pray:  Lord, I thank you so much for family.  I thank you for giving us whoever we have in our families to love and be there for each other.  I thank you that we can turn to you when we need you and you will always be there for us!  I am so glad that you hear us when we pray to you.  Let us remember to seek you for help and remember to offer others grace even when we feel they do not deserve it because you offer us grace every day!  We love you so much!  Amen.

Love you girls!!

Diane

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Our new study is A Daughter’s Worth! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information.

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Winning Him Without Words: Weekly Review w/ Martha Bush

November 9, 2012 by

 

He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  [2 Corinthians 12:9]

Trade perfection for authenticity is what Dineen asks us to do in Chapter 6.

Not to sound “holier than thou,” but I aced this chapter.  A perfectionist, I am not!  In fact, that is the character trait that divides by husband and me the most.

Oh yes, he is the perfectionist in the family.  He cleans up most of the things I start because, as he puts it: “You made a mess of this!”  It drives me nuts.  Perfection just isn’t a word in my vocabulary.

I believe there is no room for perfection in our spiritual lives either.  So, I ask you ladies:  “Do you really think you can live this Christian life before your husband perfectly?” “Do you really think those old fleshly flaws within you aren’t going to occasionally pop up?”

“Come on, ladies, you need to get real!”

Authenticity says:  “Yes, I goofed, that is why I need a Savior!”

Authenticity says:  “I need to stop putting up a front before my husband, and ask his forgiveness when I mess up.”

Authenticity says:  “I’m not intimidated to speak about the passion I have within me for my Savior in front of my unsaved husband.

Oops!  I guess I didn’t ace the chapter after all.

Oh, God, forgive me.  I now see that the passion I have within me for Jesus needs to spill out of my mouth “naturally.”  I know not to preach and nag at my husband, nor run my mouth off like a “religious freak.”  But, I now see that I have become unbalanced in my efforts to say “not a word,” and have quenched my passion for you.

I hear you saying, “Come on Martha, you need to get real!”

“Let your passion for me flow out of you like a soft stream of water flowing along the river bands – -sweetly and soothing.”

And now, let’s review what Beverly, Jennifer, Donna, and Sarah had to say about Trading Perfection for Authenticity.

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Weekly Review

Monday:  Perfection for Authenticity / A Fine Linen Belt – Beverly had tried to be the “perfect” wife to her husband for years.  But, this week, she learned a lesson through Jeremiah’s linen belt. God had instructed Jeremiah to take his belt off and hide it in rocks near a river.  When Jeremiah retrieved the belt, the elements had ruined it and it was completely useless.

Beverly compared this to allowing certain “elements” to damage our relationship with our husbands to the point that we are no longer being the living representation of Christ in our homes.

Beverly challenges us in the following ways to reflect and show our husbands God:

Our heart – -what is in there

Our minds – -what she is thinking

Our soul – -what are our desires

May we accept the challenge.

Tuesday:  A Confession – Jennifer asks us some thought provoking questions concerning how we live our lives in front of our unsaved husbands.

How often do you let your husband see the not-so-Christian parts of you?

Do you fear that you might “look bad” or “un-Christian” if you are authentic?

Do you think you might give Jesus a “bad name?

Jennifer suggests reasons why we might be having problems in this area, such as:

My husband might laugh at me

My husband might mock me

My husband might say I’m not really a Christian

My husband thinks I should be perfect if I’m a Christian

My husband’s words might hurt my feelings

Jennifer challenges us to:  Lay down the idol of perfection.  We cannot be an authentic warrior for Christ if we pretend to have it all together.  It is through our authenticity that Christ uses us to reach other people with the Good News of His saving grace.

May we accept this challenge.

Wednesday:  Heart Tablets – Donna points to the scripture Dineen brought out in 2 Cor. 2:3 as humbling her.  In this verse, God says we are a letter from Christ to our spouse.

From this verse, Donna saw that the Spirit of God has reached down and written on her heart.  These reflections from her heart can now be reflected to her un-saved loved ones who does not listen to fleshly efforts of nagging, crying, begging, and anger when she witnesses to them.

Donna makes a very valid point to think about:  Would you listen to someone who is hassling you?  Would you see a loving, caring God in that kind of tone?

She challenges us to:

Take a step back in our marriage.

Don’t worry about planning what to say or do next.

Let yourself be God’s love letter to them.

May we accept this challenge.

Thursday:  Sacrificial Giving – Sarah, uses Dineen’s idea of the perfect gift to give our husbands for Valentine gift, instead of chocolates.  It comes in the form making a listing of the things that she would not do to her husband anymore.  Just plain and simple:

No Nagging

No Expectations

No False Assumptions

No Resentment

Sarah leaves it with each of us to determine where in stand on these matters.  It is definitely food for thought as a means of Sacrificial Giving.

May we expect the challenge and do likewise.

Friday: Discovery/Prayer – Father, God, I thank you for what you have taught us about being real this week.  Help us to get rid of any hang-ups in our lives that are preventing us from representing Jesus before our husband, be he saved or unsaved.  Help us to live our lives before him according to 1 Peter 3.  In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

 

Your Assignment:

Think back over the week and name one thing you definitely know you should start immediately doing to be authentic with your husband.

 

Have a blessed day,

Martha

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Above all, if you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, and would like to have someone pray with you, please email us at Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com. and one of our prayer team members will contact you.

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Winning Him Without Words: Sacrificial Giving

November 8, 2012 by

I will sacrifice a free-will offering to you;

I will praise your name, O Lord, for it is good.

Psalm 54:6

In this section Dineen shares with us a different kind of Valentine’s Day present she gave to her husband. Instead of chocolates and a card, she made a list of things that she would NOT do to her husband anymore. I did this for my husband as a Christmas gift last year. My list was pretty similar to Dineen’s and I bet as appreciated by her husband as it was mine! Let’s review Dineen’s list.

No Nagging!

Oh ya! This is a big one for a lot of us. It starts out as us asking for a favor from our husband and expecting them to do it for us. Then it turns into a constant “did you do so & so for me? I’ve asked you 20 times, can’t you remember? I don’t ask for much…” and so on. It sounds so ugly in print, imagine what it sounds like to our husbands. I am so guilty of this. And I’m good about playing that martyr card too! “I don’t ask for much, can’t you just do this one thing for me without me having to remind you over and over?” To fix this, Dineen started writing her husband reminder notes. This is a great idea and seemed to work really well for her and her husband! He didn’t have to hear her “nag” him about something over and over and she didn’t have to stress out about asking the same favor over and over. She just had to remind him of his list…gently! 😉 This turned her into his helper instead of his “nag”! Genius!

No Expectations

We’ve talked about this one quite a bit, and rightly so because it is so important. Sometimes we place such high expectations on our husbands that we are setting them up to fail. There is no way they can read our minds and know exactly what we want them to do or say. Speaking from my own experience, holidays were killer for us. I expected a pretty surprise every holiday, birthday and anniversary. I didn’t want to tell him what I wanted, I wanted to be surprised. That is the romantic in me! He would continually tell me that he’d rather I just tell him what I would like and he’d get it for me. I’d pout and say “that’s no fun!” but when it came time to open gifts and I was less than thrilled to open my vacuum cleaner, he proved his point. He saw a need of mine and thought he was doing good. I saw the most unromantic gift in the world. So now I make a list of 3 things for him to choose from. He has a guide to go by and I still have the element of surprise!

Okay, so I was using a funny example of not setting high expectations on your husband, but in seriousness, it really isn’t fair to him. When you are in a spiritually mismatched marriage, you can’t expect your husband to see the world as you do. Like Dineen says, you need to remember he doesn’t have the same belief system you do. You can’t expect him to think the same as you because his definition of right and wrong is measured more towards worldly things. He knows stealing is wrong, but not because it’s a sin, but because it is taking something that does not belong to him. You do need to respect his way of thinking if you expect him to respect your ways. Together you can talk and compare your ideas and I can guarantee both of you will learn something.

No False Assumptions

This is huge for me. Way to often I take a comment from my husband the wrong way, get offended and let it ruin my mood. He will try and tell me he did not intend his comment to be offensive, but I have a hard time getting over it. But I have been working on it! I learned something from our lesson this week that will help me to continue to improve in this area. From now on I’m going to not speak the minute I feel offended. Instead I’m going to exhale, think about what I’ve just heard and be sure of the facts, maybe let my husband explain further what he meant and then, most likely, realize his intent was not to offend me at all. So many arguments will be saved by just slowing down, really listening and understanding!
No Resentment
Past hurts are hard to get over. But let me tell you something, holding onto them and letting them eat away at you, or giving them new life each time you have an argument is never going to move you forward in your marriage. Sometimes I make things to simple, but this is one of those areas of marriage where I have always felt the past is in the past. You can’t go back and change it, so it really doesn’t make a lot of sense to dwell on it for the rest of your life knowing how miserable it makes you. I won’t lie and say I haven’t ever brought up a past argument to try and make a point in a current argument, because I have! But I was quick to learn that it only made the current situation worse than it needed to be and nothing really got solved. Especially the past argument! Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. It is a gift to YOU from God. When you allow yourself to forgive someone for hurting you, it frees you from that hurt. You cannot dwell on it anymore or think back to it from time to time. Let it go and move on so YOU can be happy again. When you hold a grudge, you aren’t hurting the person who hurt you. They’ve moved on long ago! When you hold a grudge the only person you are hurting is yourself.
Let’s Pray:
Lord Jesus, be with us today as we go over elements in our marriage that we need to work on. Bring our shortcomings to light for us so that we can know what we need to work on to make our marriages happier, more peaceful and more loving. Remind us of our vows to love, honor and cherish. We meant them when we took them in front of you, but all of us need a daily reminder to keep working hard to honor each vow.  We love you, Jesus. Please help us make our marriages a testimony to others!  Amen.
Your Assignment:
What is your list of things you will not do anymore in your marriage? Post them below so we can all pray with each other while we tackle them one by one! If you have a praise report on something you have conquered, share it below also!
Godspeed,
Sarah
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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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A Daughter’s Worth: Week 6 /Day 4 – A Good Friend Forgives and Forgets

November 8, 2012 by

  

When you have found a friend, you have found a good thing. A good friend is so hard to come by, but when you have found a good friend, do whatever you can to hold on to that friend. In the dictionary, a friend is defined as, “a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.”

Do you have a friend like that in your life? I think that we all should have at least one!  I have a few friends that are very close to me. We can talk about any and everything. We hang out and go to the movies and out to eat together at least once a month. We are like sisters, and you know what that means…sometimes we don’t always see things the same way, or agree with each other. We don’t argue, but we have our own opinions and therefore, sometimes we disagree. There have been times when my feelings have been hurt by something that may have been said or done, and the same may have happened to them. We all agreed that it would always be best to talk about what may have upset us and fix it.

We are to forgive and forget. It is never good to hold onto things. It is not good for your heart or your mind. It is always best to forgive and forget. Have you ever had a disagreement with one of your friends? How did it make you feel? I am willing to say that it made you feel really bad and frustrated. If you talked it out and fixed things between you and your friend, I am sure that you felt like a load was lifted off of you. You and your friend were like new again.

Jesus wants that for all of us! He wants us to feel free of anger, confusion, and frustration. If we can ask God to forgive us, surely we could forgive a friend when they ask us to, and even when they don’t. Forgiveness is the key.  Forgetting may be a little hard, but if you ask God to help you…He for surely WILL!!!

 

Be Ye kind one to another, tender-hearted,

forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ’s sake, has forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:32

 

Let’s Pray:

Dear Heavenly Father, we are so grateful for you sending your only begotten son to die on the cross for our sins. Help us to remember that you so graciously forgave us, through your son. Let us remember that when our friends may have done something to hurt us, that we should talk it over with them and when they ask for forgiveness or if it is us that should be asking for forgiveness, that we so freely grant it to them. We love you Lord and we are asking that you continue to work on our hearts. We ask these things in your darling son’s name, Jesus Christ, Amen <3

 

Love, Tonya

________________________________________________

For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Our new study is A Daughter’s Worth! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information

 

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