December 23, 2024

Winning Him Without Words: As They Grow

December 13, 2012 by

I am the mom of two girls, 11 and 13. Since my husband and I are both believers, I never had worried about us being good models for them, until we had trouble in our church.

Because of some issues we had, we did not attend church for a year. My main concern during this time was how this was affecting my girls. I didn’t want them to think not going to church was okay. I also didn’t want them to think changing your religion was something that should be done on a whim or taken lightly.

We had many family discussions about our faith during this time. My husband and I had private conversations about what having our daughters confirmed in a certain religion meant to us. Was it a necessity; was it okay to wait until they were older? All the while we were visiting other churches to possibly join and we just were not satisfied with our options. But I didn’t want to just “go” somewhere because I was worried about the confirmation issue. I wanted to find a church that would develop a love for Jesus in their hearts as well as teach them the importance of God’s word.

To make a long story short, we did find a new church home and it’s one our whole family is very comfortable in, even though it is not the type of church my husband and I were brought up in. Our new church home has a refreshing approach to the scriptures. Church is now something we all look forward to. My 11 year old is the most excited and has benefited the most from our change. This makes my heart so happy because I was very worried that entire year of being without a church that our actions were going to send them the wrong message.  They are at such a hard age. These pre-teen and teen years are so impressionable. But not so much by mom and dad anymore, instead they are more apt to want to do what their peers are doing. Thankfully my girl’s friends are all church going people; some attend our new church, which probably helped them to get on board. But I want you all to know that in my own way, I understand the worry you have over your children’s faith.

There was a moment during that year where we didn’t have a church that I worried my husband was not going to approve of any of the churches in our small town. He had kept finding something wrong with each of them. Then where would we be? When you are a believer, you NEED a church. Your family needs a church. It is VERY important for many reasons, and I worried about them all! But I did learn a few things during that year!

#1 was not to settle on somewhere just to be in a church.

#2 was do not push the subject with my husband! I really liked one church and my husband did not. If I would’ve pushed my opinions on him to try and make him “come to my side”, we would’ve ended up being miserable in that church too.

And finally, #3, continue to pray. I prayed every night that we would find a church for our entire family, and in God’s perfect timing, we found one.

It took an entire year and 2 visits to our new church, but we finally found our home, and we are all so happy there. It was the best reward for all of my praying and waiting.

Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, as our children grow, we want to make sure they continue to want to worship You, learn more about You and grow closer to You every day. This is a crazy world we live in, with many negative outside influences that are hard to keep away from our children. Help us in this effort Lord, to keep their eyes focused on You. Help these women in unequally yoked marriages. Please let their children want to follow their lead and keep attending church. Hopefully they can be an example of how precious Your love is to their unbelieving father. In your precious son’s name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

As we end this study, I’d like to hear how God has spoken to your heart. Has anything changed in your marriage? Have you been able to minister to anyone else who is an unbeliever, or possibly someone in the same situation as you? Please share your stories below! I can’t wait to hear them!

Thank you for reading my silly rambles week after week! This is my final blog for GCH. 🙁 It has certainly been an honor to write posts on Winning Him Without Words! And I’m so grateful to have made many great, lifelong friends while doing it! God bless you all!

Sarah

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Our next Women’s Online Bible Study

“Crazy Love” by Francis Chan

Begins January 6, 2013.

To sign up for this new Online Bible Study, click HERE and follow the instructions. You will also be given a link to where you can purchase this bible study. We’re looking forward to learning about this “Crazy Love” with you!!

We would LOVE to have your feedback on this study! Will you take a few minutes to complete the following survey? Your responses will help us create the best online bible study experience for you! CLICK THIS LINK to fill out the short 10 question form. Your responses are completely anonymous, I promise!! Thank you so much!

Please email Christi@girlfriendscoffeehour.com if you have any questions, or if you have a private comment that you would like to forward to one of our bloggers in regards to their post that day.

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Winning Him Without Words: The Perpetual State of Waiting

December 6, 2012 by

I wait for you, O Lord; you will answer, O Lord my God.

Psalm 38:15

Waiting is hard to do when we’ve become accustomed to instant access to just about anything we want or need. So when we are waiting in line, waiting to speak to a human when calling customer service, waiting for good news, or bad…waiting on God, we become frustrated. Because when we send a prayer request to God it’s not like sending an email or text where we can expect an answer within minutes, or even within the day. God answers prayers in His own perfect timing.  Rarely that answer will come instantly, but most of the time we will be in that perpetual state of waiting for a while.

But Why Does God Make Us Wait?

THE TEST. In my own personal experience God likes to run me through a few tests before blessing me with an answered prayer. If I am praying for something like a bigger house, He wants to make sure I can take good care of my current home first. If I am praying for a job with more responsibility, God will make sure I handle the stress of my current job before he promotes me onto something that will likely be more stressful. If I can wait for my prayers to be answered with a good attitude and prove to God that I can handle what I am asking for, I can be sure that He will answer my prayer.

THE RIGHT TIME. You may think the timing is perfect to move, to get a different job, to have another child, but is it right in God’s time? God will sometimes make you wait for answers to certain prayers because it’s just not the right time yet. He, and only He, knows the right time for you to receive your blessings. When we do things on our own time, we’ll often be hit with setbacks and tremendous frustration.  When we wait patiently for God, all things will fall into place and run smoothly.

MOTIVATION. God also wants to make sure your heart is right. What I mean by this is God would love to give you all your heart’s desire, but He also wants to be certain that you don’t misuse your blessings. If your intent of praying for more money is only so you can feel superior above others, that would be a misuse of a blessing. Praying for money to support your family or to help your community is the right motivation for a prayer of prosperity.

These are just a few reasons God puts us in that perpetual state of waiting, but I think they give you a good understanding of why God doesn’t send the answers to your prayers instantaneously.  He is waiting on you. YES! God waits for you too! He waits for you to show Him you can be patient; He waits for you to show Him you will rely on Him for help when there are obstacles in your path, He waits for your heart to be right. So you see, it’s not just us that are doing all the waiting. He waits too.

Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, we find it so hard to wait, but we do understand that everything has to be done in your perfect timing. Help us to be patient, Lord. Help us to use our waiting period to grow closer to You. Always let us know that it is Your will that will be done, not ours. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Reflect back on a time in your life when you prayed for something, but it wasn’t answered right away. When was that prayer answered? In hindsight can you now see why God made you wait for that answered prayer?

Godspeed,

Sarah

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Our next Women’s Online Bible Study “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan, begins January 6, 2013. To sign up for this Online Bible Study, click HERE and follow the instructions. You will also be given a link to where you can purchase this bible study. We’re looking forward to learning about this “Crazy Love” with you!!

We would LOVE to have your feedback on this study! Will you take a few minutes to complete the following survey? Your responses will help us create the best online bible study experience for you! CLICK THIS LINK to fill out the short 10 question form. Your responses are completely anonymous, I promise!! Thank you so much!

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Winning Him Without Words: Learn When to Pray The Most Dangerous Prayer – John the Baptist

December 3, 2012 by

John The Baptist

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

ISAIAH 26:3

Lately I’ve caught myself saying “How GREAT is our God!” a lot. It seems like every time I open a book or read something on Facebook, God has left a personal message just for me to read. Last week my co-leader, Jennifer asked me if I could write today’s post because our sweet Beverly couldn’t. So of course I said I could write it. But then once I read it, I knew the real reason I was asked. It was because God had to reinforce a lesson in me. Yes, I would’ve read this section anyway and probably gathered some great information, but when I have to write about God’s word, I am forced (in a good way!) to slow down, take apart what I’ve just read and really understand it.

Today Dineen talks about John The Baptist and wonders if he ever felt left out, dissed, short changed. Did he feel like he should be part of the Twelve men chosen to walk with Jesus? He certainly had a right to feel that way. If he chose to Compare himself to the other Twelve, he was just as able to follow and spread Christ’s word, but he didn’t. He never questioned or bemoaned his role in life. He was satisfied to do what was predestined for him and he did it with honor and grace.

Sadly, I cannot say the same for myself. I have compared myself to others my entire life. In junior high a list went around our school where you rated the girls in our class based on looks and popularity. I was rated #2. Not too shabby, but to my 12 year old brain, it was devastating. All I could do was think of myself as #2. From that point on, it was my number on all my sports jerseys. I owned the number 2. It was my mind set.  I will always be second best to anyone that stands beside me.

As an adult, I still compare myself to others. And recently I’ve amped up my comparing.  Am I as creative as that mom? No. Am I as wealthy as that person? Certainly not. Will I ever be? No, because I have to be the #2. But I learned something in this chapter about being #2, or what I perceive as #2…it’s my role in life and it’s a GOOD role. I don’t have to be the prettiest wife on the block or the Martha Stewart mom or even the Beth Moore or Joyce Meyer of women’s ministry! I can be ME. Sarah Jane Boyer. And that is a great thing to be because He created ME and He has me on the path He predestined for me. First, He gave me the ability to work with words. Then later on down the path, He urged me to start writing about His words. For the first time in my life I am doing something I really enjoy and know that it is my gift from God, which makes it all the more sweeter. And ya know what? I’m not going to think of myself as #2 anymore. I know I am first and foremost with God because I have begun to make Him first and foremost with me. I don’t need to compare myself to others because there is no comparison. We are all #1 to God and all for different reasons.

What a freeing thing this is to not have to feel like I need to mold myself into something I’m not just to fit into one group/category or another. As long as I am pleasing God, I am in the right group/category. Like John The Baptist, I am content to fulfill the role God has chosen for me and I will do it with grace and honor to Him.

So how GREAT is our God, huh? He took this lesson and brought it to me to write on so that I would slow down, listen to Him and KNOW that I am right where I am suppose to be and there is no need to compare myself with others like I have been doing.  Thank you, God for the reinforcement!

Lets Pray:

Dear Lord, You knew I was struggling with comparison issues again and You brought this message right to me so that I would really sit up and listen. I pray that what I wrote will resonate with other ladies who read this post. Comparing ourselves with others is so harmful to our self esteem. Please show each and every one of our readers how important they are to You. Speak to them like You did to me and show them their special gifts that set them apart and make them #1 in Your eyes…the ONLY eyes that matter.  In your son’s precious name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Today, please share with us what your special gift from God is. Let’s praise God for the gifts He has put in us to share with the world!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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Our next Women’s Online Bible Study “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan, begins January 6, 2013. To sign up for this Online Bible Study, click HERE and follow the instructions. You will also be given a link to where you can purchase this bible study. We’re looking forward to learning about this “Crazy Love” with you!!  

We would LOVE to have your feedback on this study! Will you take a few minutes to complete the following survey? Your responses will help us create the best online bible study experience for you! CLICK THIS LINK to fill out the short 10 question form. Your responses are completely anonymous, I promise!! Thank you so much!

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Winning Him Without Words: Basic Training

November 29, 2012 by

But in your hearts set Christ apart as holy [and acknowledge Him] as Lord. Always be ready to give a logical defense to anyone who asks you to account for the hope that is in you, but do it courteously and respectfully.

Our verse comes from 1 Peter 3:14-16, but I pulled out verse 15 because this is what it’s all about ladies. When someone questions your faith, your beliefs, your God, you need to be ready to give a logical answer that explains the hope and love you exude for Christ. BUT…you have to do it in a courteous and respectful way. Have you ever listened to someone who was trying to make their point by yelling at you or trying to degrade you by telling you what you believe is wrong? No, probably not. I know I haven’t. I just shut down and stop listening.

There is a lot to be learned when you have a conversation with someone who doesn’t believe the same as you. Not only will you learn about the theories behind what they believe, but also you will be driven to learn a bit more about what YOU believe. You are given a chance to hone up your basic training.

We’ve been talking this week about putting on the full armor of God. The helmet, the breast plate, the belt of truth and the shield. Today we will talk about the weapon God has given us to fight our battle. The sword.  Also known as the Word of God. It is so important to arm yourself with the Word. If you don’t know what is written in the Bible, you have nothing to use in defense of your beliefs. You have to dig deeper than just what you hear in church or from your most knowledgeable Christian friend. You need to educate yourself on what is said between the pages of the good book.

By having the eyes of your heart flooded with light, so that you can know and understand the hope to which He has called you, and how rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints (His set – apart ones). Ephesians 1:18

These are the basics of basic training! Just like a student studies his textbook to get an A in class, you need to study your bible to be able to spread God’s Word in a logical way. When someone asks you questions, you have to be prepared to answer and explain how powerful God’s Word is. If you are a believer, you are a soldier of Christ. The mission He has given you is to spread His message of love, hope and faith. To complete this mission, it is important to know scriptures and the meanings behind them. Then, once you have sharpened your sword with the Word, you are then able to present His Word logically and courteously. And God will be so pleased with you, His soldier.

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Let’s Pray:
Lord, sometimes we are happy to just know we believe in You. But Dineen has showed us in this chapter that it is important to not only know You, but to really dig deep, read Your Words, study them and gain an understanding of them. When we do this, wonderful things happen. Truths are discovered, our love for You is deepened and our relationship with You is strengthened. We promise to continue to stay in Your Word every day Lord and then go out and spread it far and wide. In Your Son’s precious name we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:
For today’s assignment I’d like you all to share your life verse. You know, the one that you read and almost felt the earth shake when you were finished! Then head over to our secret Facebook group where we’ll discuss those verses further!

Godspeed,
Sarah

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Online Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the sign-up here button at the top of our webpage, which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Travel The Road of Forgiveness

November 20, 2012 by

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Bitterness, resentment and anger over unmet needs. These are all kindling for unforgiveness and I have gathered them all. When someone does something that hurts me, I am unable to tell them. Confrontation is too difficult for me. I am a “nice” person and a “nice” person does not argue or complain. That is unless you are my husband. When he does something to irritate me, I’m all about letting him know about it. It’s that “word” thing again! My mouth opens like a flood gate and all sorts of “you should’ve known better” and “you don’t care about me” accusations come bursting out. In the world, people say releasing that anger is cleansing. But not me. After I lose my temper I am left with feelings of guilt. I know I shouldn’t act that way and I am embarrassed of my actions. That guilt turns into resentment towards my husband because if he hadn’t made me mad in the first place, I wouldn’t be feeling so lousy now. So I stay angry, resentful and bitter and can’t even fathom forgiving my husband for making me angry.

Ugh. How exhausting that kind of marriage can be. So to change this endless cycle I have had to pray, and I’ve had to pray HARD because forgiveness is hard! When you feel jilted your human instinct is to get even, it’s the insult for insult, eye for an eye mentality. But God doesn’t want you to act like that. He wants you to give it to Him!

Especially when you are trying to speak with your unbelieving spouse. I recently had a discussion with a friend who is an unbeliever. I was astounded that he truly does not believe in God and I know he was just as perplexed with my views. It makes it very hard to have a civil discussion when both sides believe so strongly in their views, doesn’t it? Insulting, angry words will be tossed around, tempers will escalate, feelings will get hurt. Things may be said that are very hard to forgive. And like I said above, forgiveness is hard, but not if you ask God for his help. Turn to Him and tell him of your hurts and ask Him to help you forgive your husband. By turning to God you are given the power of the Holy Spirit and through Him you can do all things! Even forgive!

When you forgive you gain freedom. Freedom from the hurt feelings, freedom from the frustration and anger. He takes it all from you and leaves you free to just love your husband as he is, because after all, that is what God wants us to do. He doesn’t want you to worry about your unsaved spouse anymore. Leave that to God & be your husbands fine linen rope.

Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, forgiveness is a hard thing to do, but we know how important it is, not only for a healthy marriage, but also for a healthy mind and body. Unforgiveness can eat away at us like a cancer if we let it. Reveal to us Lord the areas of unforgiveness in our marriage and help us to give them to You. Help us to heal from the past hurts and replace that pain with the feeling of freedom! In your precious name, Jesus, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Below I’d like you to talk about an area of unforgiveness in your marriage that  you may be holding onto. We will all pray with you to release it to God!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the Winning Him Without Words Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “Sign-Up Here” button located at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Weekly Review

November 16, 2012 by

Hello!  This week, since Martha is out of town, I will be offering our Weekly Review of Chapter 7 of Winning Him Without Words!  I hope you don’t mind!  I know Martha has been doing an amazing job with your Weekly Review, and I can only hope I come close!! 🙂

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Monday:  Beverly shared on the blog.

  • She began by asking the question, “Is it really necessary to win an argument?”  Then she asked “why?”
  • We all have things to learn from some of these battles we go through but we need to discern the unimportant issues and as we have all heard before “simply agree to disagree” with our husband.
  • Our husband needs to see that God has changed us.
  • We need to surrender our need to win a battle and instead embrace and surrender our marriage.
  • Let’s be the peacemaker and let Christ handle all the rest!
  • It’s OKAY to agree to disagree!!

Tuesday:  Jennifer shared on the blog.

  • We all have certain ways of acting and reacting to situations and events in our lives.
  • when hurt, pain, bitterness, and anger take root inside, instead of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and goodness, the Lord cannot do His work in you.
  • Jesus is not going to force you to live in negative emotions.  However, He does not want you to live there!
  • Letting Jesus in to begin transforming your marriage means that He is going to start by transforming YOU, not your husband.
  • This change means loving our husbands with the unconditional love that Jesus pours out on us.
  • God can change your marriage. HE CAN. But it starts with YOU!

Wednesday:  Donna shared on our blog.

  • Death and life are in the power in the tongue, and we will eat its fruit.  Proverbs 18:21
  • We must speak our words carefully.
  • We have the ability to tear down or build up.
  • We will give an account on the day of judgement for every careless word we have spoken
  • The Father feeds us words of LIFE!
  • We should purpose every day to be more like our heavenly Father and speak life words to our husbands.

Thursday: Sarah shared on our blog.

  • A woman uses about 20,000 words per day while a man uses about 7,000.
  • Men are physical beings. The show their emotions through doing, not talking.
  • When it comes to arguing, our words can become mind numbing to our men.
  • When there is a conflict in your marriage that needs to be discussed, it is wise to discuss it with God first.
  • Your husband will listen harder and comprehend more if you are not droning on and on without ever making a clear point.
  • Choose words of “faithfulness, loyalty, friendship and honor”.
  • How do you speak to yourself? Are you continually beating yourself up?
  • God created you to be exactly who you are. You are a woman of God. You are beautiful in his eyes, inside and out.
  • You are now a new body in Christ and He has such great things planned for you!

And that leaves us with Friday… today! I want to finish this week by sharing with you the prayer that Lynn wrote at the end of this chapter.  I believe it says a lot more than I ever could!  I hope you have enjoyed this book, so far.  We have just a few more weeks left and we will then take a break for the Christmas and New Year’s holidays.  We will be sharing a preview of our next study with you soon.  So be sure to continue to check in with us daily!

Let’s Pray:

Father, today I surrender my husband wholly to You.  I am relinquishing my desire to save my husband, and I ask You to take Your rightful place in seeking and saving him for eternity.

Lord, show me the areas of conflict I need to stand upon as well as issues I can surrender and trust You to handle.  You tell us in Your Word that if we need wisdom, we should ask You for it and You will be generous in giving it to us. (James 1:5)

Lord, place in my mind Your wisdom that I may be the peacemaker and the one to help resolve conflict with my spouse.  Jesus, our words have the power of life and death, of cutting and healing.  Form this day forward, place a new awareness in my heart to be mindful of the words I speak to others.  Place Your words in my conscious and unconscious mind so that only words that are good and pleasing come from my lips.

Lord, “may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight”.  (Psalm 19:14)

In Your powerful name, Jesus.  AMEN!

 

Be blessed & Be a Blessing to Others,

Christi

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Speak Words of Grace/Receive Grace

November 15, 2012 by

Speak Words of Grace

Words. Boy do women use their words! Dr. Louann Brizendine, clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco states in “The Female Brain” that “A woman uses about 20,000 words per day while a man uses about 7,000.”  The poor guys can barely get a word in edge wise! But ya know what, I think they prefer it that way. Remember what we learned a few chapters back, men are physical beings. The show their emotions through doing, not talking.

But not us, ladies. We will talk until the cows come home, or at least until we think our point is made, whichever comes first. When it comes to arguing, our words can become mind numbing to our men. After awhile, they just shut down & try to find a retreat! That is why it is important for us to find the right words to convey what we are trying to say. When there is a conflict in your marriage that needs to be discussed, it is wise to discuss it with God first.

“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” Proverbs 17:27

Ask God to give you the right words to reach your husband, to help him to understand your point of view. Use fewer words and words that hold meaning. Your husband will listen harder and comprehend more if you aren’t droning on and on without ever making a clear point. Just because you are disagreeing on something does not mean you have to use hurtful and insulting words either. Choose words of “faithfulness, loyalty, friendship and honor” like Dineen learned to do. Remember what Dineen’s friend shared with her: The words of his queen make him a king. That has really stuck with me and makes me want to really choose my words wisely. To seek God for his guidance before even pursuing an issue with my husband. I am making James 1:19 my new mantra:

 Understand this, my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.

Receive Grace

Alright, now we know how to speak words of grace to our husbands, but how do you speak to yourself? Are you continually beating yourself up? Telling yourself you aren’t pretty, smart or thin enough? Are you still hanging onto regrets from your past? Well I am here to tell you to stop!

Ladies, let’s address this self-image problem first. God created you to be exactly who you are. You are a woman of God. You are beautiful in his eyes, inside and out. Don’t put down God’s creation!! My nose is a bit large for my face, but I love it because I inherited it from my grandfather. My grandfather has been gone for 11 years, but I still can see him in ME and that gives me great comfort. Can you do that? Can you take one of your “problem areas” and embrace it?

And what about regrets. I’ve had a few… to quote Frank Sinatra. Who hasn’t! None of us are perfect and a lot of our regrets are part of the growing up process. I held onto some regrets for a long time because of my tendency to dwell in guilt. But one day God just shook me up and told me He knew I was going to do those less than pleasing things before I did them. It was all part of my life’s path. Without those regrets, I would have nothing to learn and grow from. God knows you, he knows everything you will do or say before you do it because He has painted your path ahead of you. Ask for His forgiveness and he will give it to you in an instant. But the kicker is, you then have to believe you are forgive and MOVE ON. You can’t keep coming back to it over and over because that is telling God you don’t truly believe you are forgiven. Meditate on this verse for help:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old is gone, the new has come.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Repent and believe he has restored you. You are now a new body in Christ and He has such great things planned for you!

Let’s Pray

Dear Lord, Life and death is by the tongue. Help us to learn this lesson and take hold of its meaning. Put a guard on our tongues and a filter in our minds before we speak so that every word coming from our mouth is one that is pleasing and affirming to you. We love you, Lord and want to speak only the words that are sweet to your ears. In Jesus precious name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

One word I have deleted from my vocabulary is “hate”. I no longer say things such as “I hate my thighs” or “I hate so & so”. That word has always been a strong and mean word to me and I just don’t want to put it out into the world. What are some words you can delete from your vocabulary?

In our house we do not say “I can’t.” We can always try our best, but we will never start off by saying “I can’t.”  What are some words you can delete from your marriage?

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Sacrificial Giving

November 8, 2012 by

I will sacrifice a free-will offering to you;

I will praise your name, O Lord, for it is good.

Psalm 54:6

In this section Dineen shares with us a different kind of Valentine’s Day present she gave to her husband. Instead of chocolates and a card, she made a list of things that she would NOT do to her husband anymore. I did this for my husband as a Christmas gift last year. My list was pretty similar to Dineen’s and I bet as appreciated by her husband as it was mine! Let’s review Dineen’s list.

No Nagging!

Oh ya! This is a big one for a lot of us. It starts out as us asking for a favor from our husband and expecting them to do it for us. Then it turns into a constant “did you do so & so for me? I’ve asked you 20 times, can’t you remember? I don’t ask for much…” and so on. It sounds so ugly in print, imagine what it sounds like to our husbands. I am so guilty of this. And I’m good about playing that martyr card too! “I don’t ask for much, can’t you just do this one thing for me without me having to remind you over and over?” To fix this, Dineen started writing her husband reminder notes. This is a great idea and seemed to work really well for her and her husband! He didn’t have to hear her “nag” him about something over and over and she didn’t have to stress out about asking the same favor over and over. She just had to remind him of his list…gently! 😉 This turned her into his helper instead of his “nag”! Genius!

No Expectations

We’ve talked about this one quite a bit, and rightly so because it is so important. Sometimes we place such high expectations on our husbands that we are setting them up to fail. There is no way they can read our minds and know exactly what we want them to do or say. Speaking from my own experience, holidays were killer for us. I expected a pretty surprise every holiday, birthday and anniversary. I didn’t want to tell him what I wanted, I wanted to be surprised. That is the romantic in me! He would continually tell me that he’d rather I just tell him what I would like and he’d get it for me. I’d pout and say “that’s no fun!” but when it came time to open gifts and I was less than thrilled to open my vacuum cleaner, he proved his point. He saw a need of mine and thought he was doing good. I saw the most unromantic gift in the world. So now I make a list of 3 things for him to choose from. He has a guide to go by and I still have the element of surprise!

Okay, so I was using a funny example of not setting high expectations on your husband, but in seriousness, it really isn’t fair to him. When you are in a spiritually mismatched marriage, you can’t expect your husband to see the world as you do. Like Dineen says, you need to remember he doesn’t have the same belief system you do. You can’t expect him to think the same as you because his definition of right and wrong is measured more towards worldly things. He knows stealing is wrong, but not because it’s a sin, but because it is taking something that does not belong to him. You do need to respect his way of thinking if you expect him to respect your ways. Together you can talk and compare your ideas and I can guarantee both of you will learn something.

No False Assumptions

This is huge for me. Way to often I take a comment from my husband the wrong way, get offended and let it ruin my mood. He will try and tell me he did not intend his comment to be offensive, but I have a hard time getting over it. But I have been working on it! I learned something from our lesson this week that will help me to continue to improve in this area. From now on I’m going to not speak the minute I feel offended. Instead I’m going to exhale, think about what I’ve just heard and be sure of the facts, maybe let my husband explain further what he meant and then, most likely, realize his intent was not to offend me at all. So many arguments will be saved by just slowing down, really listening and understanding!
No Resentment
Past hurts are hard to get over. But let me tell you something, holding onto them and letting them eat away at you, or giving them new life each time you have an argument is never going to move you forward in your marriage. Sometimes I make things to simple, but this is one of those areas of marriage where I have always felt the past is in the past. You can’t go back and change it, so it really doesn’t make a lot of sense to dwell on it for the rest of your life knowing how miserable it makes you. I won’t lie and say I haven’t ever brought up a past argument to try and make a point in a current argument, because I have! But I was quick to learn that it only made the current situation worse than it needed to be and nothing really got solved. Especially the past argument! Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. It is a gift to YOU from God. When you allow yourself to forgive someone for hurting you, it frees you from that hurt. You cannot dwell on it anymore or think back to it from time to time. Let it go and move on so YOU can be happy again. When you hold a grudge, you aren’t hurting the person who hurt you. They’ve moved on long ago! When you hold a grudge the only person you are hurting is yourself.
Let’s Pray:
Lord Jesus, be with us today as we go over elements in our marriage that we need to work on. Bring our shortcomings to light for us so that we can know what we need to work on to make our marriages happier, more peaceful and more loving. Remind us of our vows to love, honor and cherish. We meant them when we took them in front of you, but all of us need a daily reminder to keep working hard to honor each vow.  We love you, Jesus. Please help us make our marriages a testimony to others!  Amen.
Your Assignment:
What is your list of things you will not do anymore in your marriage? Post them below so we can all pray with each other while we tackle them one by one! If you have a praise report on something you have conquered, share it below also!
Godspeed,
Sarah
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Blessed Doesn’t Mean Easy

November 1, 2012 by

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Roman 8:37

When we are going through a tough time in our lives, it is so easy to just focus on the problem and not the blessing God is trying to show us, or the lesson he would like us to grasp. Sometimes it makes us feel better to dwell on the problem. Tell everyone that will listen how bad things are for us and hope we’ll get some sympathy. But how far does that really get you? You get to hear the “oh, I’m so sorry’s” and the “boy, you sure do get your dose of bad luck” but do those words really solve your problem? Do they make you feel better? Maybe for a minute. But then what? The answer is God dear sisters. If you can take your mind off of your troubles, and instead focus on what God really has in store for you, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Philippians 4:13.

Since you are a member of this study, most likely your biggest problem is your unsaved spouse. You have spent so much time praying for him, thinking of ways you can get your husband to see the light, talking to other girlfriends asking their advice on what to do next. God wants you to stop and refocus your attention on Him. Go to Him with your troubles, ask His advice and then know that He will work on it. It may not be the next day or even the next month, but, you must have faith that God is working. Only then will you find peace.

Like the title of this section suggests, just because you know you are blessed, doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy! It is hard to just trust God, but try thinking of it this way, you know God is in you, right? If God has peace, shouldn’t you? Of course you should. Does God have doubt? No! So you shouldn’t either. Once you start going down that path of doubt, stress and anxiety, stop yourself and say “God is in me, if He has peace, so do I.”

Another way to deal with a trial is to rejoice in it. WHAT? Yep! Be happy God is putting you through a tough time to prepare you for great things. He is making you grow. Going through something hard is God’s way of showing you He is working on your problems and if you will obey His word and patiently trust  Him during that tough situation, when the time has passed, you will come out on the other side stronger and blessed beyond your wildest dreams. If we chose to stay where we are, wallowing in our self-pity and not wanting to see hope, we miss out on the revelation God is trying to show us. Instead of being limited, trust God and be unlimited.

“There is purpose in your pain.” Those are the words God gave to Dineen when they were watching their daughter fight cancer. Wouldn’t it had been easy for Dineen’s family to just sit and question God and even be angry to allow their daughter to suffer through such a horrible disease? Sure. But when she heard the words “there is purpose in your pain” it had to be a relief to her. There is comfort in knowing you are not being put through something so horrible for nothing. I bet we can all look back on our lives and think of a struggle we’ve been through that just seemed unimaginable at the time, but once we were on the other side of the mountain, we were able to see why God took us through it. There is always a purpose. It is so important to remain faithful to God. If we do, we will be so blessed. In our marriage, in our finances, in our parenting. Faithfulness in God brings nothing but blessings.

Dineen says sometimes a mismatched marriage can feel like the fiery furnace like the one Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego went through. But those men kept their faith that God was right there in the middle of it with them and he delivered them without even a hint of smoke on their clothes. God is with you too in the middle of your mismatched marriage. He IS bringing you through it. Just keep your faith. I agree with Dineen when she says, “the key is to stop seeing our mismatched marriage and our husband as problems to be solved and accept both as blessings to be enjoyed.” That is not normally what people do in the natural, is it? But to quote another smart person, Dr. Phil, “how’s that workin’ for ya?” Seriously. How well has it been working for you to think of your husband and your mismatched marriage as a problem. The same can be said on any problem you dwell on. It doesn’t help or fix the issue. But if you can turn your thinking around and see it through God’s eyes, wow. Look out because your whole demeanor is going to change. You will be happy, worry free, stress free. Doesn’t that sound fantastic? I have started to do this in many areas of my life and the transformation in me was almost instantaneous!

I apologize for continuing to quote Dineen, but she has written this section so well and there are so many great nuggets I took away from it, but I am going to leave you with her final thoughts in this section.

.
“We discover the ability to laugh and appreciate special moments despite imperfect conditions, and, most importantly, we learn that we are not responsible for the results. God is.” Isn’t that a freeing thought?! You don’t HAVE to be miserable because your husband isn’t saved. You can be happy, you can enjoy him and see him as a blessing like you did when you first met. When you do, you will feel that peace God has already given you. It is just up to you to tap into it!

Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, it is so easy for us to get caught up in our troubles and not want to see the joy in our suffering. Sometimes we want to throw the mother of all pity parties and invite everyone we know. Please speak loudly in our hearts during these times and remind us that you have already supplied us with all the tools we need to make it through any trial or struggle. You have given us joy, hope, faith and peace. Nudge us through our tough times and from now on we will keep our focus on You. You are our greatest blessing. We love you Lord. In Jesus precious name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Sometimes when I am going through a tough time and start sliding down into the self-pity pit, I will make a list of my blessings. When you count up all that God has given you, it makes it easier to see how awesome our God is and to be reaffirmed He has worked wonders in your life. Please list below your blessings. I won’t put a certain number on it, I’ll leave the length up to you.  Let’s show God how grateful we are!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: God Is The Wild Hope Maker

October 25, 2012 by

   

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1

I love that verse. It hangs in our bedroom in a beautiful picture frame because it is a message I wanted to be reminded of every morning after going through a certain season of my life. The hoping and praying comes easy for me, but being certain was a struggle and this verse is the perfect reminder of what our faith in God can really do.

There was a time not too long ago when I questioned if God really had a plan for me. I used to believe he had a big one for me because I had escaped death 3 times in 38 years and am still here. God doesn’t almost take you 3 times for no reason. I always felt He was keeping me here for a purpose. But my life had been so mundane and at times down right miserable, I started to doubt my faith in God having a plan for me. What’s worse is I started to blame my husband for interfering with God’s plan for my life.

As I was learning more about what God wants from everyone, I didn’t look at my own faults and shortcomings. I was looking at my husbands. I could name off all the things HE needed to do to be blessed and saved by God right off the top of my head and figured once he fixed all his problems, blessings and prosperity would come flooding into our household. I never thought I had issues that needed to be addressed. I just thought that being yoked to him was my hindrance. After all, I was the one reading the word every day and pursuing God, so what else would I need to do?

I even started to believe that my husband was my ministry! But for some reason he wasn’t willing to listen to me tell him what he needed to do to have a better life.  The nerve, huh?! So I’d get angry at him, because remember, I thought it was all his fault that my life’s purpose wasn’t being realized. Oh brother. How’s that for putting too much expectation on your husband! I had misplaced my faith.

In this chapter Dineen asked “who am I waiting for?” Thankfully this question was put on my heart during this time. My answer was, I was waiting for my husband to fix his problems. To my eye, his problems seemed heavier than mine. I was praying to God to speak to my husband’s heart and motivate him to change. Finally God said to me:

God: What are you doing to fix you?
Me: Wait…What? I don’t have anything to fix, do I?
God: Um, yea, ya do.  Are you serving your husband, or judging him?
Me: Okay, God. I get it.

From that point on, my whole thought process changed. I started to ask God to point things out in MY life that I needed to improve or change. The list was long, by the way! I asked for his daily guidance and I asked how I could be a blessing to my husband. I spent a lot of time in Proverbs 31 and learned how to be a wife that my husband could be proud of. One who served her husband, took care of her household, raised her children with love and sought out to help others. I quit making my husband my ministry. Instead I made myself my ministry. I’ve said this in a previous post, but I now focus on being an example to my husband instead of being the nagging wife telling him what to change and how to do it. It’s the old adage, actions speak louder than words.

Please keep in mind this was not easy at first! For over 15 years I expected my husband to be my everything, as well as being perfectly pleasing to God. I struggled with “who was gonna make ME happy”.  A lot! But the more I showed love and kindness to him on purpose, it really started to make me feel good. I was making myself happy by providing joy to my husband. I was, and still am obeying God’s command to serve my husband and being rewarded in tremendous ways.

I was a score keeper, too. If he did something that hurt my feelings, I’d do something to hurt him. If he forgot my birthday, I’d be sure to “forget” his, but also remind him that he had forgotten mine. That all had to go. No more keeping records of wrongs. I continue to treat him as I want to be treated and I am “wronged” less and less each day.  Think about it this way, is it more important at the end of the day to be right or more important to be loved and give love to your husband? I threw the score card out & chose love.

And what about God’s purpose for me? Well, in hindsight I think God put me through that tough season of my life so I could write about it right here and share it with you all. I can help you learn from my mistakes or I can sympathize with you because I’ve been there. But most important of all, I can show you how well it turned out in the end by just listening to God and taking the focus off my husband and turning it on myself.

Lets Pray:
Dear Lord, help us to keep our faith placed in You. Remind us that You are working in each one of us, even though we cannot see it, we can be certain of it. Help us as wives to respect our husbands and serve them as best we can. Keep us from judging them. Keep us from trying to fix them or make them our own personal ministry. We know we need to leave them to You, but sometimes we are impatient and try to do things in our time, which only hinders Your plan. This is why it is so important for us to meditate on Hebrews 11:1 and to keep our faith placed in You and be certain You are doing Your work in them, as well as in us. In Jesus name, we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:
Dineen said that men need respect and some even equate it with love. I read this to my husband and asked him what his definition of respect is. He told me “kindness.” He said that just the act of me being kind to him made him feel I respected him. For your assignment today, I want you to ask your husband his definition of respect and list it below. At home, take that definition and USE it! If it’s kindness, be more kind. If it’s not questioning or judging him, don’t question or judge. I’m excited for you to see how much of a blessing this will bring to your marriage!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

 

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