November 21, 2024

Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace

SeekingHimLogo

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Matthew 5:9

Make me a channel of Your peace
Where there is hatred let me bring Your love
Where there is injury Your pardon, Lord
And where there’s doubt true faith in You

Make me a channel of Your peace
Where there’s despair in life let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there’s sadness, ever joy

Oh, Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul

Make me a channel of Your peace
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
In giving to all men that we receive
And in dying that we’re born to eternal life

Oh, Master grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console
To be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love with all my soul

Make me a channel of Your peace
Where there’s despair in life let me bring hope
Where there is darkness, only light
And where there’s sadness, ever joy

The Task of a PeaceMaker

SeekingHimLogo

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Matthew 5:9

I have a piece of art on the wall in my children’s bathroom with a verse which reads “Happy are those who seek peace, God will call them His children.

I think as parents we have a peacemaking role ingrained in our hearts and minds. I know I’m constantly trying to patch up spats between our three children, or teaching them how to mend relationships at school. It seems that some nights I soak in the peace and quiet that bedtime brings. Peace is a word that is often used in life today. It seems every day that there is another opportunity to spread peace—in the workplace, at home, even at church. But do we confuse quiet and a lack of fighting with true peace?

I don’t think I fully understood the meaning of peacemaker. It’s more than mending fences and encouraging “getting along.” We are tasked with spreading the Word of God and spreading His love to others. Peacemaking is part of this. He is the ultimate Peacemaker, and true peace can only be found in a relationship with our Heavenly Father. So the part of peacemaking that I need to add is to spread His love through examples of His peace…to model His character. This morning I read this… “God’s children reflect His character as they carry Jesus’ peacemaking mission to the world”… and began to think about how many times I have been a peaceTaker as opposed to a peaceMaker…? And wondered about how many times have I actually spread the words of God’s power and His ability to repair any situation, as opposed to simply offering nice words. Thankfully, He has given us a set of instructions, a “how-to” in regards to peace, along with an example of our task to reflect His character for those around us.

Romans 12:17-21
Repay no one evil for evil.
Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.
If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.
Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath;
for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Let’s pray: Dear Heavenly Father, sometimes peace feels so far away, and the task of being a peacemaker seems difficult. But, You have shown us how. True peace can only come from You. Lord, please touch our hearts to model Your character, to be peacemakers and spread the word of Your love and peace. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

Enter the Peacemakers

SeekingHimLogo

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Matthew 5:9

Peacemakers:

a person, group, or nation that tries to make peace, especially by reconciling parties who disagree, quarrel, or fight

Do you know a peacemaker?  Are you a peacemaker?  All of my life it seems I have been a peacemaker.  I usually try to smooth ruffled egos, or try to sooth the person who feels that he/she is not respected enough.  Sometimes this is a tiring task.  It can take a toll on you and on how you help others if you are not careful.  Paul tell us in Galatians 6:9-10 (ASV) 

And let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. So then, as we have opportunity, let us work that which is good toward all men, and especially toward them that are of the household of the faith.

Why do you suppose God wants to bless the peacemakers?  I like to think it is because of them that treaties are made, pacts are adhered to, and wars are stopped.  Some of these agreements may be for economic reasons but the peacemakers have a unique gift of diplomacy.  These people have a way of studying the opponent by learning the culture and other customs.   For instance…did you know that in Middle Eastern culture, when in negotiations, you are not to speak first?  It is a sign of weakness.  Silence is not the enemy and we should not be afraid to use it.

Today, look at your words and actions, do they glorify the Lord? Do your words honor God as well as lift up and exhort the person to whom you are speaking?  Growing up, did you hear the words, “If it isn’t nice, don’t say it.” How many times have I spoken and then replayed the scene in my mind of how I have failed to build someone up.  This is not meant to condemn but rather to reassure you that you, too, can become a peacemaker—a person who builds up.  To do this we need only to be silent, when we want to speak words that are not kind. Especially when  we use sarcasm to disguise words that would be intended to hurt and wound.

God wants to use us in all of our ways. We may not feel adequate but be assured that God will use you where you are and give you the tools you need to start fresh.  Begin you day with “God, help me to learn something about the person who tests me every day.  Show me his/her heart and give me the peace that You are in control. Let me look at him/her through Your eyes.”

What Truly Matters

SeekingHimLogo

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight.  That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.
Matthew 5:9 MSG

This verse immediately made me think of the peace I experience internally. To have the ability to spread the Prince of Peace’s peace sounds awesome! But first we need to make sure we are showing what peace looks like in the Church.

And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts.
For as members of one body you are called to live in peace.
And always be thankful.
Colossians 3:15

Formal clothes…jeans.  Tie…no tie.  Saturday…Sunday.  Three hour service…one hour service.  Bible study…no bible study.  Some things which we allow to come between us as a Church are… trivial.  God called us to be One Body.  One.  Yes, we all have different functions, but we are still one Church.

So then, let us aim for harmony in the Church and try to build each other up. Don’t tear apart the work of God over what you eat! Remember, all foods are acceptable, but it is wrong to eat something if it makes another person stumble.

Romans 14:19-20

I’ve been told before, by non-believers, that they don’t believe in God because of the inconsistencies in churches. This, along with “not living right enough,” and religion (vs. relationship) are common reasons I’ve heard.

To me this is saying that we as the Church need be mindful of how we represent our God. It irks me when Christians teach/preach the Bible and it’s incorrect. If someone came to me with a list of things I couldn’t do, I’d be turned off by it, too. Tell me about a Maker who cares about the hurts and heartache of this world AND wants to have a relationship with me and you’ve got a better chance!

Yes, sadly there are going to be those people/organizations that claim to do things in the name of the Lord that are off-balance, but our representation of the One, True, Living, Loving God can outshine anything. God’s character is so fantastic and we have got to portray it right!

As long as the true Gospel, from the Bible is being preached (nothing more, nothing less), we the Church, should be able to link together and represent a united and whole God to the world.  One God.  One Christ.  One Church.

*  ~   ♥   ~   ✞   ~  ♥   ~  *

Lord, help us not let our differences hinder people from seeing You.  Instead let the Church’s light shine bright on the path leading to You because You care more about people than traditions and appearances.  Thank You that we do not have to shine Your light on our own, but have brothers and sisters to help us! Help us to be kind to one another and stay focused on who truly matters—You!  Amen.

Active Not Passive

SeekingHimLogo

Blessed (enjoying enviable happiness, spiritually prosperous—
with life-joy and satisfaction in God’s favor and salvation,
regardless of their outward conditions) are the makers and maintainers of peace,
for they shall be called the sons of God!
Matthew 5:9 AMP

Peace is so much more than a passive state.  It is not just the absence of fighting or the maintaining of the status quo.  Peace requires viewing the situation in light of the Gospel and actively setting out to promote and make peace.

According to Hebrews 12:14 we are to:
Work at living in peace with everyone,
and work at living a holy life,
for those who are not holy will not see the Lord.

In Classical Greek, a peacemaker was one who strove to bring about peace: an ambassador that pursued peace, putting faith to work doing good for all.  That is what we are called to be.  However, there is one stipulation:

“Before one can be a peacemaker, one must be entirely delivered from self, from self-interest, and self-concern.  The peacemaker does not look at things in terms of how they may affect self.”

– Chuck Smith

A peacemaker seeks the glory of God above all else, placing the well-being of others above his own.  It is the “less of me, more of Him” mentality in action.

God took the initiative to make peace with us by sending His Son to die in our place.  Jesus is the One True Peacemaker.  Shouldn’t our mission be to share the Gospel of peace with others?  The inward peace only God can give?  When we choose to actively pursue peace, God rewards us with the very same peace.

You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind
[both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You,
because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.
Isaiah 26:3

And we will be known as His children.

The Spirit Himself [thus] testifies together with our own spirit,
[assuring us] that we are children of God.
Romans 8:16

Peace is the evidence that we are His.  We reflect our Father’s characteristics in acknowledgment of our adoption into His family.  The family resemblance can be seen in us.

*  ~   ♥   ~   ✞   ~  ♥   ~  *

Father God, thank You for the many blessing You bestow upon us.  We are honored to be called a child of God.  Help us deny our own interests to promote Your peace so that others may benefit.  Guide our steps as we yearn to become more like You.  In Jesus’ name we pray.  Amen, so be it!

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Restoring Broken Relationships

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Dear Coach Megan,

A very horrible situation happened several years ago between one of my family members and I.   Ever since then, we have not had any contact with each other.   I am very unsettled in my heart and spirit about this and I feel God pushing me towards reconciliation with this person. My question is in how I know if this is something I should pursue or not. I hope you will be able to help me with this.  Bless you, P.S.

Hello, P.S.!

My heart aches for you, knowing how grave the pain is when any relationship {family or otherwise} is ripped apart.  Not much makes me happier than to see relationships restored to even better than new, but you and I both know that sometimes, that isn’t what ends up happening. Reconciliation is the act of settling or restoring differences.  While a relationship will not always be salvaged, the spirit of reconciliation will ALWAYS reflect the heart of God.  Read with me Romans 12:18.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Most people do not know the when for reconciliation, but the Bible does state two specific times:

  1. When you have wronged another {Matthew 5:23-24}
  2. When you have been wronged {Matthew 18:15-16}

In order to pave the road for reconciliation, you must 100% sincerely commit to forgive and be reconciled in the relationship.  This does not need to go both ways, but your heart must be pure in motives and sincere.  1 Peter 3:9 says: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

With this in mind, use the following as guide in beginning to pave your road for reconciliation….

Prepare your heart for seeking reconciliation. Be willing to:

  • view the conflict as an opportunity for growth
  • learn what God wants you to learn
  • discover that you are partly at fault
  • expose your weakness
  • be open with your feelings
  • risk the relationship
  • accept a negative outcome
  • pray for God’s will to be done

Colossians 3:15

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body
you were called to peace. And be thankful. 

 Know that the refusal to seek reconciliation affects the intimacy of your relationship with God. Humble your heart and pray:

  • “Lord, I don’t want to be prideful and unbending”
  • “Lord, I want Your favor in my life, not Your disfavor”
  • “Lord, I want to reflect Your character and be open to reconciliation”

Matthew 5:9

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Seek forgiveness and apologize for words that have hurt the other person

  • “I have tried to see our relationship from your point of view”
  • “I realize I have been wrong in my attitude of _______”
  • “Will you forgive me”

Proverbs 6:2-3

you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth.
So do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands:
Go—to the point of exhaustion— and give your neighbor no rest!

Recognize the ground rules of communication:

  • Offer unconditional acceptance
  • Confront the problem, not the person
  • Listen without interrupting
  • Verbalize your feelings
  • Use words that build self-worth
  • Aim for mutual understanding
  • Give more than you take

Ephesians 4:2

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Be kind and gentle

  • Don’t harbor resentment
  • Don’t make excuses for yourself
  • Don’t get drawn into arguments
  • Don’t fail to pray
  • Don’t have expectations of immediate acceptance

2 Timothy 2:24-25

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome 
but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 
Opponents must be gently instructed, 
in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth

Reflect the character of Christ in ALL you do.

In order to prepare your heart to reflect the character of Christ, pray:

  • “Lord I die to my personal rights” {Galatians 2:20}
  • “Lord, I die to defending myself” {Psalm 28:7}
  • “Lord, I die to relying on my own abilities” {Proverbs 28:26}

Enlist a mediator if necessary

  • Pray for God to prepare the heart of your opposer for mediation
  • Seek a person whom your opposer can respect
  • You can say, “At times an outside person can have a different perspective that is more objective. Would you consider having a mediator help us think through our problems with the hope of reaching a successful end?”

Matthew 18:16

But if they will not listen, take one or two others along,
so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

Do not hold yourself responsible for the outcome

  • When reconciliation is refused, do not live with false guilt.
  • You cannot force reconciliation to occur
  • Everyone is individually responsible to God

Romans 14:12

So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

Rest in the knowledge that you have done all that you can do to seek peace

  • Continue to show love and treat the other person with forgiveness
  • Thank God for giving you the desire to be at peace with everyone
  • Praise God for His commitment to orchestrate your own spiritual growth

Romans 12:18

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Dear P.S., if your efforts are refused, remember that if your heart has been repentant, you have God’s total forgiveness {1 John 1:8-9}.  Be sure to pray for those who refuse reconciliation and for their unmet need {Matthew 5:44}.  Know that God never leaves you when you suffer the loss of a close relationship {Psalm 34:18}.  Be careful to control what you say about those who refuse reconciliation {Romans 12:14}.  Do not be vengeful toward them.. in time, God deals with those who do wrong {Romans 12:19}.  Know completely that God will bring something good out of the pain {Isaiah 43:18-19}.

In closing, my friend, please keep in mind that reconciliation is restoring a relationship based on restored trust. It requires repentance and is to be extended only when earned. Pray to God for discernment on this and I so hope that you will be able to use this as a guide when preparing your heart, mind, and spirit.

Blessings,

Coach Megan 🙂

Life’s Healing Choices: Chapter 6 – Repairing Relationships (pp 167-171)

Choice 6:

Evaluate all my relationships.  Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me, and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.

___________________________

LHC_Chapter6

This week we are going to look back at our inventory and learn how to repair the damage we have seen in our relationships.  Whether the damage was what we have done to others or what others have done to us, there is one way to repair—through forgiveness.

There are three reasons the book discusses why we should forgive others.

  1. Because God has forgiven you
  2. Because resentment doesn’t work
  3. Because you’ll need forgiveness in the future

Because God has forgiven you – Have you truly accepted God’s forgiveness?  I know for so long I felt I was not worthy of His forgiveness.  Have you accepted that Jesus’ death on the cross paid for all our sins? John 19:30 states Jesus exclaimed from the cross, “It is finished.”  No matter what our sin or how badly we have hurt others, God’s grace is sufficient to forgive completely.  Remember the woman who entered Simon’s home while he was having dinner with Jesus? She took an alabaster box of oil, washed His feet with her tears and anointed His feet with the oil.  When Simon criticized her, Jesus told him, “Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much.  But to who little is forgiven, the same loves little (Luke 7:47). Jesus then told her that her sins were forgiven and that her faith had saved her.  This woman knew her sins were great, but also knew the greatness of God’s mercy.  She had accepted His forgiveness and been set free.

Because resentment doesn’t work – This second reason to forgive is all about letting go.  Let go of the pain of the past hurts from others.  If you hold onto those hurts or resentments, they will hold you prisoner.  When you release them, you are free…the doors open and you walk out.

  • Resentment is unreasonable: Resentment can build up into anger.  When we are angry, the only person hurting is ourselves.   We lose sleep, we don’t eat, we overeat, we start becoming more tempted by the addictions that God had removed and we snap out at those around us whom we love.  Let Go and Let God!!
  • Resentment is unhelpful: Can all that we are holding onto really help anything now or in the future?  When we become stressed, it affects all our life—our work, our home, our friends, our loved ones.  Let Go and Let God!!
  • Resentment is unhealthy: The book likened resentment to cancer.  When I read that I went back to when I received the call I had cancer.  I had dropped 30 pounds in 30 days and could barely walk.  After many tests, they had diagnosed me with stage 3 cancer.  That call knocked my feet out from under me.  If resentment is like that I want it to be taken from me, just as God healed me of cancer.

Because you will need forgiveness in the future – There have been and will always be days when we are going to need God’s or someone else’s forgiveness.  When the book stated ‘you cannot receive what you do not give,’ that one statement hit home for me. If I do not forgive other’s I will not receive forgiveness.  So wait, if I do not forgive, I will not receive my Father’s forgiveness.  That is a hard one!  But when you look at it, like all other areas of our lives, we need to take that first step.  If there were 1,000 steps, then yes, God will take the 999 others to get to us, but we have got to take that first step.  To receive salvation, we had to ask.  To receive baptism, we had to believe.  To receive healing, we have to believe.  So to receive forgiveness, we have to forgive.

In my walk out of the alternative lifestyle, I did my inventory and made amends with many people.  You see, as others are making their inventory of how others hurt them, mine was on the other side.  I did much of the hurting.  My choices destroyed my relationships with family and friends.  My choices destroyed four marriages, including my own.  I broke off an engagement at the age of 19, left my husband later at the age of 27, lost custody of my oldest son ( he was 3) at the age of 28…see where I am going?  Although there were those that did hurt me, my laundry list was long.  So the forgiveness I longed for was much greater than any I had to give.

My asking for forgiveness from others was the first, and I had to admit, the easiest.  Sure, there were those that hurt me and I did forgive them, but the hardest parts of forgiveness for me were to accept God’s forgiveness and to forgive myself.  The guilt of my choices was really deep.  I had a difficult time accepting that God had forgiven me.  Through years of destroying relationships with my parents, siblings, friends, ruining marriages—anyone who tried to care was quickly tossed to the side.  After all of the hurt I had caused, how could God forgive me?  I was not worthy; I did not deserve His mercy.

Exactly! Mercy is undeserved merit.  Mercy is not earned, He freely gives it.  We serve an amazingly compassionate God. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” Hebrews 4:15-16.

His life on earth, death on the cross and resurrection to the right hand of the Father is the reason we receive His mercy for our past and grace for our future.  I had to step up to His throne and boldly receive His forgiveness.  It took some time for me to realize He died for me too.  When He said, “It is finished,” He meant for me, too.  If you are having a hard time accepting God’s forgiveness, try this.  Put your name in front or behind that statement Jesus made. “________, it is finished.”

Once I received God’s forgiveness, He began nurturing me to forgive myself.  Jesus wants an intimate relationship with us.  He wants us to bring all our burdens, hurts, guilt, and shame to Him.  I love The Living Bible translation of this verse, it make this so personal. Come, let’s talk this over! Says the Lord; no matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean as freshly fallen snow.  Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you white as wool!  If you will only let Me help youIsaiah 1:18-19.  ‘Come, let’s talk’–-I can visualize Jesus saying–‘grab your coffee, let’s talk.’  He made the heavens and the earth (in six days), He set the stars perfectly in the sky, He walked me out of the gay lifestyle. He healed my cancer. He gave me two miracles through my sons. He put joy in my life through my brother. He gave me amazing family and friends and He has allowed me to share His testimony of my life with all of you.  How can I not listen and accept His forgiveness?   I urge each one of you to step boldly before His throne.  Take that one step and He will take the 999.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1

_______________________________

Let’s Pray:

Father, we are so grateful to be able to talk with You.  To spend time with You.  Help us to take that one step toward forgiveness.  We admit there are times when it is hard, Lord, to forgive others, ourselves, or to accept Your forgiveness.  Help us to trust You when You say there is no condemnation, and that You will turn our sins as white as snow.  Father, You cannot lie and Your word says there is NO condemnation—we believe and receive that today.  Help us to walk in that, Lord, and be able to forgive and let go of any resentments we are holding onto.

Lord, as we go through this week, guide us to those we need to make amends with—let us talk when we need to and be quiet when we need to.  Open our hearts to hear from You and give us the strength and courage we need to take this step.  Heal our hearts from the hurts, Lord.  We love You, Father.  We give all the glory and honor to You.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

When we are talking of forgiveness, which is hardest: Forgiving others?  Accepting God’s forgiveness? Or  forgiving yourself? (You can also go to our private Facebook page and share there, as well.)

__________________________

If you would like to send a private message to Laurie in regards to this blog, please email her at Laurie@girlfriendscoffeehour.com

Life’s Healing Choices: Chapter 6 – Relationships (pgs 166 – 203)

Choice 6:

Evaluate all my relationships.

Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others.

LHC_Chapter6

Forgiveness isn’t based on a feeling. Think about it, do you ever feel like forgiving someone? Or do you ruminate over ways to get back at them, or hope they get what they deserve? We keep score. We tally up the wrongs and maybe consider what they did right. We spout out “vengeance is MINE” but we forget the last part, ‘Says The Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
This week in Life’s Healing Choices we’ll take steps to mend relationships. Now, this doesn’t mean we will magically have the Hallmark moments, grand reunions, tears of joy from our reconciliations. But it will bring freedom from the harbored emotions when we let it all go in to His hands.

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Colossians 3:13 NLT

Now, if you had asked me at the time what good would come out of my failed marriages, I would have said nothing. Today, I can look back and see God’s guiding hand, bringing me to a healthier place in life. All because of His mercy & love.

When I met my ex-husband, I was ending a bad marriage and an affair … definitely NOT the time I should have been getting involved with anyone else. But he swooped down and took care of me by making me laugh, doing small things to show he appreciated me, surprised me with visits & phone calls. It was the romancing and wooing we all want. Looking back, I should have seen signs that things weren’t going to work out well. Friends joked that he had bad luck, nothing ever turned out well for him, etc. Sometimes he was the brunt of the jokes just because his choices usually led to poor outcomes. But he had explanations for everything (excuses, really), and I wanted the companionship too much to listen. At one point, his mother commented that I was the best thing to ever happen to her son, but she didn’t know what I saw in him. Wow … did I really just hear that from his mom? Hindsight being what it is, I wish I had explored that comment more deeply. Instead, I listened when he told me the relationship with his mom had been strained since his parent’s divorce and he was closer to his dad.

Fast-forward about 4 years and you’ll find us married, raising a new baby, juggling jobs with family life. We quarreled about his excessive time on the computer or role-playing games with friends. He was too distracted to really be a good husband or father. We had just purchased our first home together. Our jobs were solid with promising futures. I had finished a college program; he was just starting one. The bad times seemed justified by the stress around us.

Suddenly, in a flash, it all came crumbling down around me. In the blink of an eye, I learned of lies, inner demons, addictions, and secrets that he had been keeping from me … from everyone, really. This changed everything about my life without my knowledge, agreement or consent! But for the first time in my life, I didn’t blame God. I didn’t curse at Him, demanding to know what I had done to deserve this fate.  I turned to God. I cried out to Him with a desperation I had not felt before, because I knew He was always there for me.

I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me.

He freed me from all my fears.

Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;

no shadow of shame will darken their faces.  

Ps 34:4-5 NLT

During this time, I was embraced by a church community. I learned what God’s “peace that passes all understanding” truly feels like (Philippians 4:7). I learned to lean on Him. I learned to accept help from others around me. I learned to trust again. I learned to love again. I learned to forgive.
I read once that harboring anger, resentment and an unforgiving heart only hurts us. The other person goes on with their life, without a care in the world, completely oblivious to the fact we’re fuming and miserable. We may be angry, but it doesn’t affect their life any anyway. So until we learn to let it go, it continues to eat away at us, hardening our heart more and more with each passing day.

It wasn’t an easy process, I assure you. And, I can’t give a date when it happened. I just know that through the following years, my heart softened as I learned more about my identity in Christ. I accepted more that he needed God’s love more than I needed to hate him. At one time, his dad asked if I could help find a Bible for him. They were not believers or church-going people. Rather than tell them what to buy, or ignore their request, I went out and bought one myself. Yes, I bought a Bible for my ex-husband even after all the pain he caused. I realized that I didn’t want to face God one day and have Him say, “all I wanted you to do was give him a Bible, and you said no.” I was being asked to do a simple task, and I answered His call.  People ask me how I could forgive him for what he did to his family and friends. How could I not knowing the lengths God went to in order to forgive me? Romans 3:24 CEV

But God treats us much better than we deserve, and because of Christ Jesus, he freely accepts us and sets us free from our sins.

I stood before a judge and gave my testimony, something called a “victim’s impact statement.” I shared the details of that fateful day. I recalled the excuses and lack of responsibility my ex-husband displayed. And, I shared that I forgave him and how it was by God’s grace that I could stand before them that day. It was the last time I saw my ex-husband face to face. I will never forget the past, and there are days when the pain is still felt and the sorrow washes over me. But the good news is that I don’t harbor the resentment, the animosity … the hatred that initially consumed me. All credit for this transformation of my heart goes to God, and God alone.
This week, we’ll explore more on making amends.

Reading Assignment for Week 6: Chapter 6 of Life’s Healing Choices
Monday: Laurie will discuss Principle 6: The Relationship Choice
Tuesday: Leslie will discuss How do you forgive Others (& Self)?
Wednesday: Kim will discuss Repair by Making Amends
Thursday: Amy will discuss Make The Choice
Friday: Laurie will bring it all back home with a recap of our week

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Let’s Pray:
Lord, we cannot begin to thank You enough for the gift of Your forgiveness through Jesus Christ. To know You gave Your Son on our behalf gives us strength to extend grace and mercy to those who have offended us. It’s not an easy task, but it is something we strive for through our healing process. We know that letting go of the pain and resentment is necessary so that we can become more like You. Bless all who read and follow our study this week. Amen.

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Power Verses for Chapter 5:
Luke 6:31-37
Hebrews 10:24
Philippians 2:4
Romans 12:17-18
Matthew 5:23-24
1 Peter 5:10
Colossians 3:13
Romans 8:31
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

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If you are interested in joining us for the “Life’s Healing Choices” online Bible study, click HERE to sign up.

Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details.

If you would like to email Amy in regards to this blog, please email her at:

Amy@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com