November 25, 2024

Lady in Waiting: The 11th Commandment – Prenuptual Fantasies

November 21, 2012 by

The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not defraud thyself.

 I wanted to look up the meaning of fraud when I started reading this section of the book. The Miriam-Webster dictionary describes the word defraud as depriving someone of something by deception or fraud.  What am I depriving myself of? My contentment. I want more than what I have, I don’t take the time to slow down and pray about a situation before acting on it. I try to convince myself that a situation may be more than what it really is. I am deceiving and defrauding myself.

Sometimes reality gets boring, and sometimes reality can make me feel less than happy when I look at where I am and where others around me might be.

Remember, God wants to protect us, He wants the best for us, but we need to slow down and step back before acting. “To heed the eleventh commandment, you must consciously resist doing another good deed for a man in your life until you know the motive behind your “unselfish” gesture”. The authors of this book aid it beautifully.

Another thing that I try to always remind myself is that God made me to be an emotional person; women in general are emotional and at times these emotions try to get the best of us. We feel a flutter in our hearts and we run with it. We see the possibility for an open door and run through it, without taking the time to see if that is the direction God wants us to go in.

We need to go back to checking our motives. Why am I doing what I’m doing?

The authors also say that “a dedicated Christian should do good deeds, but if you limit your service to the men in your group it will ultimately backfire.” I want to stretch this a little further. If we do good deeds for only a selective few in our circle it will backfire, if we’re doing things for others only to benefit ourselves it will hurt us in the end.

God has our situations in His hands, He will make things happen when they need to happen and he will bring the relationship to us in his timing with the person of his choosing. We need only be willing to let Him. We need to enjoy His gift of contentment.

This doesn’t mean that if we find ourselves interested in a person that we have to run in the other direction. What it means is that we need to seek God. We need to give the situation to Him and pray that his will be done. We need to check our motives before doing good deeds, before jumping into the situation with an open heart.

Remember, a good Christian should do good deeds for those God places in your path. He wants us to show his love through our actions to everyone.

With Love,

Tonya Ellison

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Let’s Pray:

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for everything you have given us. It feels as if life gets boring at times, it feels like the lives of others is more than ours. Please help us to remember that you love us, and that love provides what and who we need. Please help us to recognize when we are defrauding ourselves and help us turn to you. Thank you for creating opportunities in which we can do good for others. Please remind us that we are to help all of your children because you are love. Touch our hearts when our motives are not in the right place. Thank you for your mercy and grace Lord.  In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen

Your Assignment: When you feel the pull of defrauding how do you counteract it? Please share some ideas, scriptures, quotes that you use to remind you to be content with what and who God has placed in your life.

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

 

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A Daughter’s Worth: Week 8 / Day 2 – You CAN Insist That Boys Treat You Well

November 20, 2012 by

When you CAN do something it means you are Able, Permitted, Possible, or Designed to do something.  That is pretty awesome to think that I was designed to be able to insist that people treat me well.  Does that mean that every person in my life WILL treat me well?  Uh, NO!  Do I have to accept that behavior from them?  Uh, No.  So, why would I let a boy treat me any less than God created me to be?  Uh, WOW.  Do you know what the past tense of CAN is??? COULD.   Could hurts me to say.  Could means that I made a bad choice and, if I could go back, I would change what happened.  Could usually comes with regret. 🙁

In our home, if we have a hard time deciding if something is right or wrong, we take it back to the Bible and see what it says about the subject.  When we have friends or family members who treat us poorly, we look to see if our behaviors have lined up with the scriptures.  The verses we go to about relationships is 1 Corinthians 13.  It’s called the LOVE chapter.  We all want to be loved and want to love other people, so why not seek out what LOVE is from the source, GOD.

 So the Bible says this is what love IS.  Anything that doesn’t look like this is NOT love and you can WALK the other way or INSIST to be treated with love.  Sometimes that is hard to do.  We may have to walk away from our friends or that cute guy that we want to like.  We may have to stand up for ourselves and tell our ‘friends’ (and sometimes our family) that we don’t want to be treated in a way that makes us feel uncomfortable.  When we deal with our friends and family, we also need to follow these verses and treat them with LOVE.

If a young man wants your attention and wants to love you, he will make you feel smart, funny and pretty. (And not because of what he can get from you)  He will never ask you to do anything that will make you ashamed or feel dirty. (Love does not insist on its own way, it does not rejoice in wrongdoing)  He will want you to spend time with your friends and family and would even want to hang out with you.  (Love is patient and kind, it does not envy, it is not arrogant or rude)  Boyfriends should draw you closer to God, not pull you away from Him.  (Love rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things)  Boyfriends should always make you feel good inside; not sick, worthless, jealous or angry.  (Love endures all things)

When you are a teenager it is hard to find a boy that can measure up to all these standards.  Sometimes you want to lower your standards just to have someone you can call “yours”.  Each time you give your heart away, you lose a little piece of yourself.  Most teens are not able to love someone else more than they love themselves. That takes maturity and maturity comes with living life and seeking God.   It is almost impossible to find a teen boy who loves you the way God created you to be loved. It’s OK to wait for that person God has been preparing just for you.

In my family, with so many daughters, we have many different opinions on the topic of dating and boys.  Some of my daughters want to wait to have a boyfriend, to hold hands, to kiss someone; to give him her heart until she is ready to be married.  Some of my daughters enjoy having a young man to call her own and share her “life” with.  A couple have gotten tired of waiting, tried to make it happen on their own and have had broken hearts.  I love them all and continue to point them back to 1 Corinthians 13 to help them decide if they are being treated with love and if they are treating others with love.  There is no cookie cutter answer about having a boyfriend because girls are not cookies.  =D

In our study, Ava Sturgeon says, “As a daughter of worth, you should expect to be treated well.  Dating the wrong guy is a tragic waste of you.  God’s beautiful potential.”  How true!  Protect your heart.  You are going to need all those pieces of yourself.  If you find that your heart is already broken into little pieces, take them to God and let Him put them back together.  He will.  It’s not too late.  He wrote the book on LOVE, so trust Him to show you what perfect LOVE looks like.

If what you are seeing and receiving from people does not match up with what the Bible says you deserve – turn around and head back toward God.  You are on the wrong path.  That leads me back to my life verse, Proverbs 3:6, “In all your ways acknowledge Him and HE will direct your paths”. 

You CAN insist that boys/men/parents/siblings/friends treat you well.  You CAN treat them well in return.  It’s not too late to get on the right PATH facing God’s direction.  Be blessed my friends.

Let’s Pray:

Father we thank you for creating us with the desire to be loved and to want to love others.  Lord we want someone to love us the way YOU love us.  Father, give us patience to wait on the person you are preparing for us.  Give us people in our lives who support us, care about us and protect our hearts.  We know that you are the source of all love and good things and that is what we want for ourselves and for our friends.  Help us to always look to you for guidance and keep our feet on the right path.  We love you, Lord.  Amen

Mama T <3

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Our new study is A Daughter’s Worth! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information

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Winning Him Without Words: Travel The Road of Forgiveness

November 20, 2012 by

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Bitterness, resentment and anger over unmet needs. These are all kindling for unforgiveness and I have gathered them all. When someone does something that hurts me, I am unable to tell them. Confrontation is too difficult for me. I am a “nice” person and a “nice” person does not argue or complain. That is unless you are my husband. When he does something to irritate me, I’m all about letting him know about it. It’s that “word” thing again! My mouth opens like a flood gate and all sorts of “you should’ve known better” and “you don’t care about me” accusations come bursting out. In the world, people say releasing that anger is cleansing. But not me. After I lose my temper I am left with feelings of guilt. I know I shouldn’t act that way and I am embarrassed of my actions. That guilt turns into resentment towards my husband because if he hadn’t made me mad in the first place, I wouldn’t be feeling so lousy now. So I stay angry, resentful and bitter and can’t even fathom forgiving my husband for making me angry.

Ugh. How exhausting that kind of marriage can be. So to change this endless cycle I have had to pray, and I’ve had to pray HARD because forgiveness is hard! When you feel jilted your human instinct is to get even, it’s the insult for insult, eye for an eye mentality. But God doesn’t want you to act like that. He wants you to give it to Him!

Especially when you are trying to speak with your unbelieving spouse. I recently had a discussion with a friend who is an unbeliever. I was astounded that he truly does not believe in God and I know he was just as perplexed with my views. It makes it very hard to have a civil discussion when both sides believe so strongly in their views, doesn’t it? Insulting, angry words will be tossed around, tempers will escalate, feelings will get hurt. Things may be said that are very hard to forgive. And like I said above, forgiveness is hard, but not if you ask God for his help. Turn to Him and tell him of your hurts and ask Him to help you forgive your husband. By turning to God you are given the power of the Holy Spirit and through Him you can do all things! Even forgive!

When you forgive you gain freedom. Freedom from the hurt feelings, freedom from the frustration and anger. He takes it all from you and leaves you free to just love your husband as he is, because after all, that is what God wants us to do. He doesn’t want you to worry about your unsaved spouse anymore. Leave that to God & be your husbands fine linen rope.

Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, forgiveness is a hard thing to do, but we know how important it is, not only for a healthy marriage, but also for a healthy mind and body. Unforgiveness can eat away at us like a cancer if we let it. Reveal to us Lord the areas of unforgiveness in our marriage and help us to give them to You. Help us to heal from the past hurts and replace that pain with the feeling of freedom! In your precious name, Jesus, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Below I’d like you to talk about an area of unforgiveness in your marriage that  you may be holding onto. We will all pray with you to release it to God!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the Winning Him Without Words Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “Sign-Up Here” button located at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Wait – Ditches of Discontentment

November 20, 2012 by

 

“Then Naomi said, ‘Wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens. For the man will not rest until the matter is settled today’” (Ruth 3:18 NIV).

Wouldn’t you want to have a mother-in-law like Naomi on your side to give you words of wisdom when it comes to matters concerning marriage?  Especially when the most eligible bachelor in town has told you that He would do whatever you want.

Waiting for what you want is difficult but it is the most rewarding thing any single woman can do in order to avoid discontentment.  So many of us have been led on by men who made promises which they knew they would not keep.

Jackie Kendall and Debbie Jones address ways that we as women have been defrauded by such men of ill intention.  The word to defraud means to excite physical or emotional desires that cannot be righteously fulfilled.

Many of us have fallen prey to men who have whispered sweet nothings to us and we have been led to believe that we are the center of their world only to found out later on that we were not the only ones these words were being spoken to.  I know of a man who called every girl “sweetheart” or “sweetie”.  When asked how many sweethearts he had he explained that he called his sister “sweetheart” so he considered every girl his sister.  Imagine the heartbreak of the girls when they heard that he thought of them as his sisters and not something more.

There is a recent type of defrauding that is going on called “friends with benefits” where boys and girls especially in colleges, or young men and women do not set any boundaries as to what they do in their relationships.  They even move in together and live as if they married.  The sad part about this set up is the emotions that a young woman puts into such a relationship.  I don’t believe a young woman can live with a man, share everything including a bed and say that such a relationship has “no strings attached”.  There are strings attached to this, where you like it or not, your heart is not detached to you when you are living in this environment.  A woman cannot be honest with herself if she says she is content living in this situation.  What happens when the man decides he is not ready to move this further and he is happy with the status quo?  Where does that live you?  Honestly which man wouldn’t be happy when he finds hot food on his table every time he arrives home from work or class, clean clothes nicely folded for him to pick and wear?  You literally wait on him hand and foot yet the only word he said was “let’s move in together” and not “let’s get married.”  The man gains everything at the expense of the woman who gives more than herself to play house with a man.

Unfortunately, this scenario is not only found in Hollywood movies but even among the Christian circles.  Many single women are falling into this trap which only leads to discontentment.  The Lord does not want us to sell ourselves short because we feel time is not our side.  Let us wait upon the Lord and He will give us the desires of our hearts.  Running ahead of the Lord will only lead us to discontentment and we will want to dig a hole and hide because we find ourselves in a situation where we wonder how we got there in the first place.

Naomi did not want Ruth to be overly excited and begin making orders for her “Vera Wang” wedding dress or choosing who is going to be her maid of honor or to begin planning a guest list.  She wanted her to wait and see how things will turn out with Boaz.  This is one woman to be applauded for having such wisdom.  Imagine if the other kinsman redeemer was willing to redeem Ruth and she has already told the world who she was going to marry!

When we are in a dating relationship, it’s so difficult to heed to the wise words of others; we seem to be walking on cloud nine and whenever someone says something we do not like we close our ears and words of wisdom enter through one ear and go out of the other ear.  It’s like all over sudden we are deaf to advise.  All we want to hear is how we look great together and how beautiful our children will be.  We only surround ourselves with people who agree with us and not those who want to tell us to slow down and concentrate on building a friendship.  It’s sad to hear “I told you so” when we come face to face with failed relationship.

As our writers clearly puts it:  “Another way a guy may defraud a woman is by emphasizing the future potential of the relationship rather than focusing on the present opportunities for the friendship to grow. This way of defrauding incites feelings in a woman that cannot be properly fulfilled at that time. This creates emotional turmoil for many women, making it difficult to wait with contentment. Postpone talk of a future together, marriage, or what kind of home you want, until engagement. Do not encourage talk of things that “might be,” but rather encourage words and actions that develop the present friendship.”

Let us not fall into ditches of discontentment by allowing every Jim and Jack to mess with our hearts.  Don’t become too desperate so as to fall prey to their schemes.   Let us guard our hearts because out of them springs of water will flow.  Let us wait for what God has in store for us for Proverbs 10:22 says “the blessing of the Lord brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it.”

LET’S PRAY

Father, we thank you so much for you love us so much that you want us live a life that is full and content.  Jesus came that we should have life in abundance.  However, we also let the enemy use others to come and steal, kill and destroy the joy and contentment that you died for us to have.  Help us to take back this joy so that we may wait patiently for what you have for us.  In Jesus Name Amen.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT

A contented woman has the ability to lay down the terrible burden of always needing life on her terms. Are you a contented woman? (Read Judges 21:25, Luke 1:38, and Matthew 26:39.)

Be Blessed,

Jackie

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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A Daughter’s Worth: Week 8 / Day 1 – You Can Choose the Right Guy to Date

November 19, 2012 by

When I was younger I liked guys all of the time, but I never dated any of them.  In fact they never knew I liked them and it was ok because they never liked me.  Anytime I would talk about guys and my dad would over hear he would say, “Is he a Christian?”  I used to get so annoyed with my dad for throwing in that comment any time I would talk about something as simple as a crush on the cute guy with a pretty smile in my math class.  Only after I started dating someone who was most certainly not a Christian did I wish I would have listened to the advice my dad had given me on dating years prior.

As a teenager it is so hard to truly want to listen to your parents.  You hear what they say, but you want to figure things out for your own.  You want to take risks; they want to stop you from that type of behavior.  You want to try new things; they want to tell you not to because they have been there done that and you just should not be doing certain things.  Even though we cannot see it at the time, our parents are stopping us from things because they love us.  They do not want to see us make mistakes.  I know I wish I would have listened to my parents more than I did.

I know the feeling you get when you find out a guy likes you.  I know how good attention from guys can feel.  There is one feeling that is way beyond what those ones may feel like: the love God has for you.  Do you know how good that feels?  If you do not know, I highly suggest that you spend some time getting to know God so you can find out first hand just how amazing it is!  When we truly know God’s love for us, it will make us want to find the man God has for us and not settle for any guy that thinks we are pretty or who gives us attention from time to time.

Have you ever thought about what you want in a man?  Have you ever thought about what a relationship should be like?  Try writing down a list of qualities that you would like in a man.  (See page 105 and 2 Corinthians 7:1)Keep that list and pray about it to God.  When you are in a relationship ask yourself, honestly, does this relationship bring you closer to God or pull you away from Him?  If you hold out for a man who has the qualities you have been praying for- chances are you will grow closer and closer to God together!  Any relationship that brings you closer to God is definitely a good one to have.

Personally, I struggled with dating.  I never thought that there were men out there that would be what I wanted (someone who loves God, goes to church, reads the Bible, is kind to others, and will love me as Christ wants someone to love me).  So, as my high school years came and gone, I decided that I needed to change my standards.  I ended up settling for an older man who was not a Christian.  GIRLS, this was the biggest mistake I have ever made.  I ended up stuck in an abusive relationship.  I KNOW now that waiting for the man God has for us-a good guy who is devoted to God will come our way!  God will bring you together in His timing.  It is so important to hold out for that man.  And the best part is while you wait-you have the opportunity to grow closer to God and experience so much of the perfect love He has for you!

Please remember that you are not defined by what guys say or by how they make you feel, if you are getting attention from them, or getting no attention at all.  The only thing you are defined by is the love Jesus has for YOU!  You have the privilege to CHOOSE the man you go on a date with.  Make sure you make God apart of your choosing process.  Praying to Him to lead you to the right man will save you from heartache and the pain of dating the wrong one!

Let’s Pray: 

Lord, I thank you so much that you love us with unconditional love that no man will ever be able to replace.  I love that you have handpicked a man for us if that is your will in our lives.  I pray that these girls and I are able to hold out for this man.  I pray that we never settle for less than the best you have for us.  As these girls start to date, I pray that they choose wisely the men they bring into their lives.  May they seek you in each decision they make.  We love you so much and thank you for guarding our hearts.  AMEN!

Much Love to YOU all,

Diane

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Our new study is A Daughter’s Worth! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information

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Lady In Waiting: Contentment – The Torture of Desire – The Capacity to Wait

November 19, 2012 by

 

God gave this section of the book to me.  I couldn’t be more sure.  Some of the words the authors use are the exact same ones I said to my friend just two days ago.  I struggle with contentment.  It is an area where I think, “I got this!” just to stumble when an email isn’t returned or I lay alone in bed crying a few days or weeks later.  So many times I think I have surrendered this issue to Him.  Then I feel like I failure when I find myself doing things that take me out of God’s will regarding being single.

Can anyone relate?  I love the example they use to define suffering: “Having what you do not want (singleness), and wanting what you do not have (a husband).”  Now I know and understand that not everyone feels that suffering, but for those that do, how do you cope with such a longing?  If you continue to focus on what you do not have, you will always feel that loss and discontentment.  We need to start putting our focus on God and all that we DO have.  Something jumped off the page and practically knocked me over the head when I read it: If you are presently discontent as a single woman, you can count on being dissatisfied as a married woman in the future. You know what?  Life is never on our terms, God’s plans will always be hard to understand, and we cannot get caught up in the downward spiral of negativity and “not haves” no matter what stage we are in life.  Starting to renew and transform our minds to this fact are the beginning stages of finding contentment in the Lord and His plans.  The verse that immediately came to mind was Romans 8:28.  I love the way The Message states it: That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.  If we trust in that, contentment comes a lot easier.

Ruth had every reason to feel discontentment.  Instead of wallowing in her circumstances and focusing on the loss of her husband and leaving her people, she chose to cling to the God whom she trusted despite everything that had happened.  In following God’s leading and working in the fields every day, Boaz was brought to her.  Even in this situation, with Boaz seemingly ready to “do all Ruth asks”, Naomi cautions Ruth to wait and see how everything actually turns out.  Instead of getting caught up in all the excitement she is asked to sit back and wait and see what Boaz actually does.  Wouldn’t that be hard to do?  God calls us to wait often.  Most of the time we don’t know why, but we need to place our trust in Him fully and completely and believe that it will be worked into something good.  Be content ladies.  Focus on the good.  Be grateful.  The “torture” will lessen and the waiting won’t seem so bad.

LET’S PRAY

Father God, you love each and every woman reading these words.  You have a plan for each of us.  Sometimes it is hard not knowing what that plan is, but I pray today that we remember your faithfulness rather than focusing on what we don’t have.  You have provided for us, you have gifted us, and that is where we want to fixate.  Please help renew our minds so that the waiting and our circumstances are not what we focus each day, but all the blessings that you have given us that day.  Thank you for your never ending care.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT

Today I want you to list 5 blessings you are grateful for.  If you can relate them to your single life, even better!  We have to remember that this season in life is not all misery and negativity; God gives us many gifts through our single life, things that not everyone else can necessarily experience at other stages of life.

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Contentment (Reading Assignment)

November 18, 2012 by

 

Precious girlfriends, how are you doing?  I hope you are allowing the truths that we are learning in this Bible study transform your life to the glory of the Lord.  I am so blessed to hear from some of you how the study is making you grow into the women that God wants you to be.  I can also testify that this book is life changing and I am learning so many new things from each chapter.

This week we are going to learn how to become a Lady of Contentment.  This chapter will help us answer questions like – How does one become content as a single woman in a world full of couples?  How do you help a friend who starts planning a wedding just after a first date?  Have you been defrauded by yourself or a boyfriend?  Do you know what the Eleventh Commandment is?

The Apostle Paul in Philippians 4:11-13 teaches us the Secret to Contentment.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.”

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Here is our reading assignment for Week 8

November 19:

Lady of Contentment / Torture of Desire / Capacity to Wait – Michelle


November 20:

Wait / Ditches of Discontentment – Jackie


November 21:

11th Commandment / Prenuptial Fantasies – Tonya


November 22:

Spiritual Monitor – Tonya


November 23:

Mystery of Contentment / Stop Arguing with the Umpire – Diane

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LET’S PRAY

Our Heavenly Father, we thank You each day for leading us to this Bible Study.  Thank You for teaching us new truths that are helping us become the women You desire us to be.  As we continue in this study, we ask You to continue to transform our minds so that we can be content with our lives as the Apostle Paul was.  We ask all this in the wonderful name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.  Amen.

Be Blessed

Jackie

For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Please email Christi@girlfriendscoffeehour.com if you have any questions, or if you have a private comment that you would like to forward to one of our bloggers in regards to their post that day.

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GCH: What’s on Your Plate? – Food For Thought…..

November 18, 2012 by

Today, I want to take a little different approach to this blog, and share some food for thought for this holiday season.  I know the holidays can be a trying and lonely time for some, and I pray that my message today will speak right to your heart!  <3

Image from
www.bibleverses.com

Isaiah 26:3

“You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.”

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John 14:27

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I now give and bequeath to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.  [Stop allowing yourself to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]”

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Proverbs 16:7

“When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies live at peace with him.”

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2 Thessalonians 3:16

“Now may the Lord of peace Himself grant you His peace (the peace of His kingdom) at all times and in all ways [under all circumstances and conditions, whatever comes.]”

We can clearly see here that the Lord instructs us to live in peace, in all circumstances and conditions.  But what about times when “life” happens, and you just don’t feel like living in peace?  Or it’s hard to walk in peace because of the circumstances?

Sometimes we have things happen in our lives that are devastating.  They rip the rug right out from under us.  They cause much stress, anger, bitterness, and more.  How in the world are we to walk in peace during those times?

First, we have to recognize who or what is causing the stress, anger, bitterness, and lack of peace in our life.

John 10:10

The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy.

I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance to the full, till it overflows.

The “thief” is satan.  (I refuse to capitalize his name!).  His job is to cause destruction, steal and kill my life, and my joy.  He is the god of the world (for now).  He is a fallen angel that has set his ways against God and all that God stands for.  Anything he can do to turn us from God, or cause those who are not yet walking with God to think that God’s love is not real, he will. It’s his pleasure to try to ruin the children of God!

Cancer, adultery, rape, molestation, divorce, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and more, are just a few of the tactics that satan uses to destroy God’s children!

But what about hatred, grumpiness, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, depression?  How do we enjoy life, as God wants us to, if our hearts are filled with these things?

You wake up in the morning and you just feel this heaviness that has set its sites on you.  You just can’t shake it.  You feel numb.  You feel like a zombie.  Nothing looks or tastes good.  Even the sunshine outside looks miserable to you!

You feel fat, ugly, mean, nasty, miserable.  You don’t want to talk to anyone.  You just want to be left alone to work through this, if you can.

How do you get past these feelings?  How do you live beyond these things?

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I will say right here that I am absolutely NO expert in this area, but I have learned a few things over the last few years, that I would like to share with you.

I have a tendency to suffer from depression.  Moderate depression.  I’m not talking about clinical depression here, which is far worse and more serious than mild to moderate depression.  If you suffer from clinical depression, please seek counsel from your doctor and/or your pastor.

I do not have any degrees in counseling or psychology.

I am just a person who has struggled with these types of things in my life, and the Lord has brought me through it.  That is what I want to share with you today.  The how’s…..

People used to tell me “Christi, you just need to get over it.”  Yes, I could clearly see that.  But what I didn’t know was HOW!  How was I suppose to just “get over it”?  How do I get past the anger, bitterness, depression, unforgiveness, and even more emotions that sometimes can toy with people’s emotions and hearts?

Stay in the Word.  Stay in the Word.  Stay in the Word.

It can’t be that simple, can it?

When people would tell me this in the beginning, I would think “Right! I’m in the Word every single day! I’m still struggling!”  But you know what?  I had to keep on keepin’ on, as the expression goes.  My “cure” wasn’t going to happen overnight!  I had to learn how to be at peace with who I was and what God was doing in my life!  Without His peace, I struggled every day!!!

 I could only learn about His peace through His word!  

Staying in the word doesn’t always been reading the bible all the time!  It can also include good books by Christian authors.  Watching DVD’s from Christian evangelists.  Turning on praise and worship music to allow your mind to be filled with the word through music!  There is so much more to it than just reading the bible!

You will also notice that in order to suffocate the negativity in our lives, means that you actually have to get up and do something!

 Do something to fight the negativity!

You can’t just sit there and expect it to just go away on its own!  You have to actually do something to fight these emotions daily!  To read the bible, you have to get up, go get your bible, and turn the pages, correct?  To listen to music, you actually have to get up, go to the stereo, choose the music and then turn the stereo on, correct?  You have to ­do something first!!!

James 1:22 — “But be doers of the Word [obey the message], and not merely listeners to it…”

To be a “Doer”…

means you have to DO SOMETHING!

So what are some things that we can do to remove the negativity out of our lives?  Below I have listed some tips that have helped me over the years.  If you have other tips, I’d love for you to share them in the comments section below.  The tips below are listed in no particular order.

  • Read the Word
  • Pray
  • Listen to Praise Music
  • Go for a walk
  • Go outside barefoot
  • Call a friend
  • Go to lunch with a friend
  • Take a warm soothing bath
  • Find a hobby that will take your mind off of problems
  • Seek Counsel
  • Go for a massage
  • Get a new haircut
  • AVOIDS NEGATIVE PEOPLE!
  • Try to find the GOOD in your situation
  • Stop saying negative things to yourself
  • Practice breathing slowly
  • Read a positive book curled up in bed
  • Ask someone to be your “vent partner”
  • Practice grace under pressure
  • Be responsible for your feelings
  • Learn to meet your own needs
  • Exercise every day
  • Learn the words to a new song
  • Write a note to a far away friend
  • Keep a journal
  • Practice a monster smile
  • Quit trying to “fix” other people
  • Get enough sleep
  • Talk less and listen more
  • Volunteer at a Shelter or Food Pantry
  • Freely praise other people
  • Have a support network of people, places and things

These are just a few tips on how to get past a negative attitude and walk in peace and joy!  But truthfully, it all starts with YOU!  What will YOU do to change your circumstances?  Choosing to do something means that you give God Glory for what happens in your life, and you have put satan in his place and he does not win!  He learns that you will not tolerate the weapons that he puts in your life, to keep you down!

I will also say that these tips are not for just a quick-fix.  These are not things you get from a drive-thru window!  They are things that you need to do on a consistent basis!  You can’t just expect life to change overnight, especially if you are dealing with some pretty tough situations!

Don’t just do something….Give it time to work!  Whatever you do, don’t give up!!  Let Jesus set you free!!!!

.

I pray this message reaches at least one person!  I know for myself, things did not change overnight.  I had to be patient and allow God to do what He needed in my life.  I am here to tell you that the steps I have shared with you here today, WORK!!  But YOU have to put some effort behind them first!

Be Blessed & Be a Blessing to Others,

Christi

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Lady In Waiting: Quitting the Hunt

November 16, 2012 by

Do you absolutely love this book yet??  I love it even more the second time around!  There is just page after page of truth, encouragement, and love.  The words I have searched for…there they are written on the page so matter of fact-ly.  With Jesus first and my boyfriend second, I will have lasting peace and security.  I absolutely love the wisdom behind each one of Debby’s words.  You may think this quote does not work for you because you do not have a boyfriend so there is no possible way you can be putting a boyfriend first before God, you are all good.  That is so WRONG!  For me, I do not have a boyfriend, but I can so easily see how I put the hunt for my boyfriend and eventually husband way above Jesus.

When we do this it may seem harmless, or impossible to stop.  There is something so important about truly putting God first: you receive his lasting peace and security.  Maybe if we have been feeling insecure lately, we can look at where we are finding our security.  Chasing after men will never lead to security or peace.  Those gifts from above are only available when we surrender the hunt to God and start chasing after all HE has for us!

Reading through Debby’s journal entries I felt quite convicted.  I have so gotten to that point in my life where all I could do was pick up the pieces of my broken heart and hand them over piece by piece to My Perfect Healer.  I too, have asked Jesus to keep my heart safe, guard it, keep the key, and give it to only the one who He has for me.  I made a pact with God that I would seek HIM first and when a man came along I would pray to Him alone to see if this would be the man to hold the key to my heart one day.  I was doing so well with this until I was about to turn 24.

The closer and closer it got to my 24th birthday the further and further I got away from that perfect security God had given me.  I wanted to be married by the time I was 25…there was no way now that this was going to happen because I am single at 24.  We all have our ideal futures, don’t we?  Please, tell me I am not the only one that had an idea of how they were going to meet their husband, how they were going to start dating, how he would propose, how they would be happy and married one day: sooner rather than later.    Has your ideal future ever come true?  I am here to tell you, unless your ideal future is completely in line with God’s future for you; it is never coming true.  You can stop wishing and hoping for something so miniscule compared to what God has for you: THE BEST YOU NEED.

Just so happens instead of a man, this study came into my life right after my 24th birthday.  This study has truly helped me through a struggle: a struggle of putting the hunt for my non-existent boyfriend over God.  This study was what I needed and what you need and God knew that!

This study is instrumental in keeping my focus on God and not on my husband.  It has helped me seek God more often.  It has helped me to find support from other ladies that are struggling with the same exact thing as me.  It has brought me closer to God.  It has made me realize that my ideal future is NOTHING compared to the ACTUAL future God has for me.  I am on a mission to embrace HIS future.  Where is your mission leading you: to YOUR ACTUAL ALMIGHTY GOD or to your ideal man you thought of one lonely night?

I want you to understand something as I write this to you ladies.  The reason I feel convicted is because I may have given God my heart, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t tried to get it back from Him on several occasions.  It does not mean I do not struggle with being single and 24!!!  There is one image I see daily that almost always is a struggle to see.  A man and a woman holding hands walking together, sometimes her head is rested on his shoulder, but it doesn’t have to be just the hands in one gets me.  You see I have always wanted to hold hands with a man-my man.  When I see others doing what I want so badly to do I instantly think, “Lord, why can’t I have a man holding my hand as I walk down the street?  I am learning that I can have that man but I can also have the man God has for me.  I am waiting oh so patiently for the man who will one day be holding my hand in one and the key to my heart in the other.  As a lady in waiting I pray that YOU do the same.

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Let us Pray:  Lord, thank you that you give us so many blessings on a daily basis.  Thank you for your blessing of security that we find in you alone.  I pray that each and every one of us will be able to put down the ideal man and chase after receiving your many blessings.  I pray that we are able to support each other along our journey.  I thank you and praise you for bringing this group together.  I pray that you help all of us to be patient, waiting for your perfect timing in our lives.  We love you so incredibly much, Amen!

Your Assignment:  Please share with us-What is ONE THING you have learned/ gained from this study thus far?  What is the ONE thing that you see from couples that you struggle with on your journey as a lady in waiting?  In your quiet time-Pray to God, be honest with Him.  If you are ready give Him your heart.  If you are ready make a pact with Him about what you are going to do or not do to make sure God is put first, always.

Much love to you ladies,

Diane

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For the “Lady In Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Motive Check

November 15, 2012 by

“The less I give, the more I get back.” Anyone ever heard the song Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars? The male and female vocalists express their misinterpretations of the others’ love. In this line the male slyly remarks on how his lack of giving actually causes the woman to give more. Ever felt that way? At times I feel that I give my whole heart, energy, and attention to the men in my life and receive little in return. Even worse, I have come to expect that I will not receive back what I put into relationships with men. Before this begins to target men as the issue and we all get up in arms about how rude they are to act that way, let’s look at the words that I used here. First of all I used ‘men”, and not ‘a man’ – I have put my time and energy into men who I am not invested in a serious relationship with, hoping that they would give me something in return. Secondly, I used ‘men’, and not ‘my friends.’ If my purpose in helping, giving, and supporting is to get the attention of men and get something in return, then I am doing it with the wrong motives.

In any service, one’s entire focus ought to be to bless the other person without the expectation of receiving anything back. This goes for relationships with men and women alike. Now if all you are looking for in helping that male friend clean up his house, do his laundry, or pick out something to wear to an interview is a date request, a snuggle session, or a kiss goodnight, check your motives. This is especially difficult for me because ‘acts of service’ is most certainly my love language. I enjoy nothing more than helping out a friend in need, but I must always ask myself why I desire to help this person out.

I love the idea of taking care of a man. I want to be a wife to, to comfort, to encourage, to support a man. Even though I am single, I still have this desire, so when a male friend that I care about is hurting, is in need, is frustrated, or needs my help, I want to jump in and take care of him right away. I do not think that this is a necessary evil. I think that there are very healthy ways to exercise our sexuality outside of marriage, and figuring out what that means for you is important. However, I do think we need to check our hearts and our motives in making these choices. If you are ignoring and denying friends help who have “nothing to offer” in the way of a romantic relationship, but pouring out tons of love and attention on the men in your life who may be possibilities, this ought to be a red flag.

Our good deeds, our help, our love and attention, should not be done in order to receive something back or with selfish motives. All kinds of caring should be for the benefit of the other person, not your own benefit. Don’t let yourself become a person who gives with selfish motives and then pitches a fit when all you get is a sweet ‘thank you’ or a hug in return. Many men will most certainly appreciate your generosity, but any act of service is much more appreciated without strings and ties attached. If you are unsure of your motives, ask yourself the last time you went that far out of your way to help out a girlfriend in need. Ask yourself the last time you turned down the opportunity to help out a guy, in order to instead help out your sister.

Now, with your heart in check, go, do good deeds, love on everyone who crosses your path, and don’t plot out how you can win a man’s heart by giving him all of yours before he has even earned it.

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Let’s Pray:

Heavenly Father, thank you for creating us with a desire to give, to help, and to love. Thank you for giving us relationships with men and women who we can bless with those gifts! Give us the wisdom to check our motives, analyze our intentions, and act in an upright way. Teach us to be servants to all people in our lives, without expecting anything in return. Teach us to love others the way you love them.

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Your Assignment:

What are ways that you have blessed someone by helping them out this week? Can you say that your motives were pure? Tell us ways that you have helped out your friends. Compassion? Patience? A listening ear? Help with a move? Find a way to bless a sister in Christ, or a brother that you have no intentions of having a relationship with. No strings attached. Report back when you do!!

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Filed Under: Singles Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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