November 16, 2024

Lady in Waiting: Motive Check

November 15, 2012 by

“The less I give, the more I get back.” Anyone ever heard the song Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars? The male and female vocalists express their misinterpretations of the others’ love. In this line the male slyly remarks on how his lack of giving actually causes the woman to give more. Ever felt that way? At times I feel that I give my whole heart, energy, and attention to the men in my life and receive little in return. Even worse, I have come to expect that I will not receive back what I put into relationships with men. Before this begins to target men as the issue and we all get up in arms about how rude they are to act that way, let’s look at the words that I used here. First of all I used ‘men”, and not ‘a man’ – I have put my time and energy into men who I am not invested in a serious relationship with, hoping that they would give me something in return. Secondly, I used ‘men’, and not ‘my friends.’ If my purpose in helping, giving, and supporting is to get the attention of men and get something in return, then I am doing it with the wrong motives.

In any service, one’s entire focus ought to be to bless the other person without the expectation of receiving anything back. This goes for relationships with men and women alike. Now if all you are looking for in helping that male friend clean up his house, do his laundry, or pick out something to wear to an interview is a date request, a snuggle session, or a kiss goodnight, check your motives. This is especially difficult for me because ‘acts of service’ is most certainly my love language. I enjoy nothing more than helping out a friend in need, but I must always ask myself why I desire to help this person out.

I love the idea of taking care of a man. I want to be a wife to, to comfort, to encourage, to support a man. Even though I am single, I still have this desire, so when a male friend that I care about is hurting, is in need, is frustrated, or needs my help, I want to jump in and take care of him right away. I do not think that this is a necessary evil. I think that there are very healthy ways to exercise our sexuality outside of marriage, and figuring out what that means for you is important. However, I do think we need to check our hearts and our motives in making these choices. If you are ignoring and denying friends help who have “nothing to offer” in the way of a romantic relationship, but pouring out tons of love and attention on the men in your life who may be possibilities, this ought to be a red flag.

Our good deeds, our help, our love and attention, should not be done in order to receive something back or with selfish motives. All kinds of caring should be for the benefit of the other person, not your own benefit. Don’t let yourself become a person who gives with selfish motives and then pitches a fit when all you get is a sweet ‘thank you’ or a hug in return. Many men will most certainly appreciate your generosity, but any act of service is much more appreciated without strings and ties attached. If you are unsure of your motives, ask yourself the last time you went that far out of your way to help out a girlfriend in need. Ask yourself the last time you turned down the opportunity to help out a guy, in order to instead help out your sister.

Now, with your heart in check, go, do good deeds, love on everyone who crosses your path, and don’t plot out how you can win a man’s heart by giving him all of yours before he has even earned it.

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Let’s Pray:

Heavenly Father, thank you for creating us with a desire to give, to help, and to love. Thank you for giving us relationships with men and women who we can bless with those gifts! Give us the wisdom to check our motives, analyze our intentions, and act in an upright way. Teach us to be servants to all people in our lives, without expecting anything in return. Teach us to love others the way you love them.

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Your Assignment:

What are ways that you have blessed someone by helping them out this week? Can you say that your motives were pure? Tell us ways that you have helped out your friends. Compassion? Patience? A listening ear? Help with a move? Find a way to bless a sister in Christ, or a brother that you have no intentions of having a relationship with. No strings attached. Report back when you do!!

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Manipulation and Maneuvering

November 14, 2012 by

 

This post is going to boil down to two questions:

1. Are we trying to maneuver and manipulate situations to our benefit ourselves?

2. Or, are we turning our situation over to God and trusting Him to send us the man (job, friend, etc.) He has chosen for us?

 

I find it interesting that we as women will go to many extremes to get what we want.  These extremes are not always manipulative, nor does it involve us “crawling across broken glass” to reach what we want. But nonetheless, we are willing to get very creative when we want something we can’t instantly get our hands on.

I can relate to this because I am a “now” person. I see something I want and I want it now. There are a lot of times where I have to step back and look at the situation, I have to step back and pray about the situation; I need to ask God questions like “do I need this”, “is this for me?” and before I met my husband I had to ask “Is he for me?”

Manipulation is a form of control.

We feel that we can lead a situation in a direction that will benefit us in the way we feel it should.

Our motives may be pure. Simply to position ourselves to better our chances at the attention we seek. Whether this attention is from a man, or an attempt at securing a better position at work, or catching a deal at a store, the bottom line is that with this manipulation and maneuvering we are trying to gain control but we are also trying to take the control from the one person who has the power and desire to work on our behalf.  We are trying to take the control away from God.

Again the two questions we need to ask ourselves: Are we trying to maneuver and manipulate situations to our benefit ourselves? Or, are we turning our situation over to God and trusting Him to send us the man (job, friend, etc.) He has chosen for us?

God wants to bless us, he wants to give u the desires of our hearts, but we have to turn the control over to Him, and trust his timing.

Psalm 84:11

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly

So what do we do in these situations? What do we do when we want something or someone and we don’t have a clear path to that thing or person? Like the authors of the book said, instead of maneuvering the situation we are to do nothing. Give it to God. Be the person He created you to be, we continue to bless those around you as we are commanded to do regardless of the attention it may or may not generate. We trust His time and His plans. And we must pray.

With Love,

Tonya Ellison

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Let’s pray:

Dear Lord,

Thank you. Thank you for having our lives planned out since before we were even born. At times we try to control situations around us; we try to make them work for us. Please forgive us for forgetting that you are working on our behalf and that you have already touched the situation and that it will play out to our benefit.  When we are facing situations in which we want to manipulate the control, please touch our hearts and remind us that you are in control, remind us to bless those around us, because that is what you designed us to do.

In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

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Your Assignment:

Let’s journal today. Lets look at situations in our life that we may be trying to maintain or gain control from God. Journal about it, you don’t have to share this part, but look around and see if there is a person you can focus on blessing rather than focusing on the situation you want to change. Please share this part. This lesson came at a great time of the year, we can turn our situation over to God and our control over to God and we can bless others.

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady In Waiting: Believing a Lie / Secure Love

November 13, 2012 by

Oh I have been there.  You know that place.  The place where you tie your self worth to a man, or whether or not you have a man?  Truth be told I still reside there some days.  My big issue, since I was young, is that I am never good “enough”.  So the fact that after 41 years I am still alone, it just makes me think that those people in my life when I was younger were absolutely right.  I’m not good enough and I’ll never be good enough for anyone to love me and want to tell the world they want to be with me for the rest of their life.  It’s not always easy.  But ladies, this is not where He wants us.  He wants us to be secure in His love.  What more should we need?

Part of today’s reading assignment brought up issues we have all discussed earlier in the book: Once we put our trust in God to bring us the man He has chosen for us, how much pursuit do we engage in?  The authors clearly tell us that we shouldn’t pursue a man.  The question that raised for me is “Well, what does that mean?  Should we just sit back and wait for this man to knock on our door?”  I don’t know if that is the answer.  I don’t think relentlessly going after someone, repeatedly, without much reciprocation is the answer either.  Isn’t there a happy medium?  I believe we can make ourselves available to possibilities without turning ourselves into a servant or doormat to the object of our interest.  I believe the keys are to pray about our intentions.  Are our motives pure, or are we doing what we are doing to snag a husband.  Seek His guidance in the decisions you make regarding him.  We can never go wrong when the focus is on Jesus rather than the potential mate.

The other thing we need to look at is why we are striving for this man we pray God has for us so strongly.  What is it we are looking for from him?  Acceptance, because we don’t accept ourselves?  Love, because we don’t love ourselves?  Security, because we are full of fear?  Worth, because we don’t feel worthy?  Well great news!  Until we heal, and accept and love ourselves with a sense of security and self worth we deserve, we have someone who already does all that for us!  Our Father loves us so much girls!  He accepts us, he knows we are worthy, and HE should be the one we seek out for security.  No man, not even a husband, can fill the need you have for secure love.

As I type this I feel so strongly about the words I am giving you.  I know a big part of the reason is because I need to hear this myself.  I need to remember it, I need to believe it, and I need to live it.  You are not alone ladies!  I struggle with never being good enough, but you know what, if my Abba Father says I am, who am I to go against Him?  Am I accepted?  My Father says I am.  Am I secure?  My Father says I am.  Am I worthy?  My Father says I am.  Am I loved?  My Father says I am.  And so are you.

LETS PRAY

Father, reach out to every woman reading these words.  Thank you for loving us unconditionally.  Thank you for never making us work for it.  We know that You are our security.  You give us what any ordinary man can not.  A love that is pure and never ending.  Bless all of us with your peace today and take the burden of matchmaking off our shoulders.  We trust in you, and thank you for forgiving us when we sometimes forget that.  In Your Holy Name I pray.  Amen.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT

Please share your thoughts on the balance between letting God do His thing while bringing a man to you, and putting yourself out there so that man can have the opportunity to get to know you.   Is it cut and dry, do one or the other, or do you have a strategy that satisfies both sides of the situation?

In Him,

Michelle

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady In Waiting: Lady of Security – Feelings of Insecurity

November 12, 2012 by

Then he [Boaz] said, “May you be blessed of the Lord, my daughter.

You have shown your last kindness to be better than the first by not going after young men, whether poor or rich. Now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you whatever you ask, for all my people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence” (Ruth 3:10-11).

I am in awe of the words that Boaz said to Ruth.  You can hear from his words that he is sincere and honest.  Furthermore, he is a man of integrity who did not want to take advantage of Ruth but to do right by her.  Don’t you think this man is worthy to bring home to meet your parents?  You will be rest assured that you will be secure in his love for the rest of your life.

Girlfriends, ever since we were young girls we long for security.  We placed our security in our parents to provide for us a loving, nurturing and stable environment as we grow up and discover our place in the world.  When we are ready to move out of our parents’ home, we want to make sure that we get married to someone who will love and cherish us, who will provide for us and continue to give us the security we need.  However, the reality of our lives is far from what our heart desires.  Many of us have found ourselves hurt and broken because those whom we placed our security and lives into have not met our expectations; instead they have taken us for granted.

There are so many things that cause one to become insecure and lose hope.  I cannot tackle them all here but I will discuss two of them, namely loss and disappointment.  When we lose loved ones like Naomi and Ruth did, it’s so difficult to believe that your tears and sorrow will one day turn to joy and you will find another person to love again.  Naomi’s loss caused her to feel insecure in God’s love for her; this was shown by her bitter expressions when she returned home to Bethlehem.  She asked her relatives to call her Mara instead of Naomi.  Loss brings with it doubt and despair.  Naomi hoped that she and her husband would grow old together and see their great grandchildren.  But her husband and sons died before this could happen.  She never expected that her dreams would end in tragedy and loss.

Unlike Naomi, Ruth reacted differently, she did not allow Naomi’s bitterness to rub off on her, she could have stayed at home with her mother-in-law and joined in the pity party but she knew this would not help them in any way, they needed to eat and food was not going to come on its own.  Ruth did not go out to seek a man to provide for their needs.  Instead she set out to work in order to find food for both Naomi and herself.  Through this act, Ruth found a man who would show her how to smile again, Boaz.  Ruth had found security in the God of Israel before she met Boaz and the same God took care of all her needs.  Through Boaz and Ruth’s marriage, Naomi also realized her dream of grandchildren.

Another cause of insecurity is disappointment.  As women young or old, single or married, we have gone through situations that have left us so disappointed, we just want to dig a hole and hide.  The father who promised to love and provide for us declares to our mother that he longer wishes to stay married, as such he seeks divorce and leaves us behind and never keeps his promise to come and see us, birthdays come and go without a call or a card in the mail.  We grow up, we meet the perfect guy who promises us heaven on earth takes away our most prized possession and leaves us for our best friend.  How about the woman who discovers that the man whom she married, who pledged to love and cherish her is nothing but a drunkard, and abuses her at every chance he gets.  How does one keep sanity in such circumstances and not lose faith and become so insecure and manipulative in order to have her way?

There is only one answer to all these situations, no matter how hard life becomes! I can only become a Lady of Security when I place my trust in the one who will never leave nor forsake me.  His name is JESUS!

Girlfriends, Jesus is the answer to all our insecurities, He alone can turn our mourning into gladness, our sorrow into joy, our mess into a message.  In Isaiah 61:1-3 our beloved Saviour says:

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”

Beloved, in order to be secure, we need Jesus to be the centre of our lives.  He should be the constant in our lives because He never changes – “He is the same yesterday, today and forever.”  He is telling us to go to him with our insecurities and lay them at his feet.  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

LET’S PRAY

Father, I come to you with all my insecurities, I have been hurt and wounded by others and I have placed my security in the wrong hands.  I realize that you are the security that I long for.  Take my pain and hurt away.  I exchange my ashes for a crown of beauty, turn my mourning into gladness, I also trade my spirit of despair for a garment of praise.  Thank you Jesus for calling me an oak of righteousness.  In Jesus Name Amen.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT

Look at the things most important to you, the things on which you spend the most of your time and energy (e.g., appearance, money, career, family, friendships, dates). If these were taken away, how would you be affected?

Security is basing one’s life on that which cannot be taken away. Are you building your life on what makes you secure or insecure?

Be Blessed,

Jackie

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady In Waiting: Lady of Security (Reading Assignment)

November 11, 2012 by

 

Happy Sunday ladies!  After tacking the tough topic of purity last week, I hope you are ready to look inward and see where your security comes from.  I truly pray that this study is blessing each and every one of you.  I know for me, it isn’t always easy, but it is definitely beneficial.  We are perfectly imperfect and as long as we continue to seek Him, we will grow in Him each and every day.

Here are the reading assignments for the week:

November 12: Lady of Security Feelings of Insecurity – Jackie


November 13: Believing a Lie / Secure Love – Michelle


November 14: Manipulation and Maneuvering – Tonya


November 15: Quitting the Hunt – Katie


November 16: Motive Check – Diane

LET’S PRAY

ABBA Father, I ask for your blessing upon each and every woman in this study.  You know their hearts even better than they do.  Through this study, through this book, and especially through your Word speak to them.  Give them what they need to hear and give them the clarity to recognize it even when it isn’t easy.

In Him,

Michelle

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Saturdays with Shauna: Photography! Week 4

November 10, 2012 by

Welcome to the final installment on Photography, and also my last “Saturday with Shauna” here on the Singles blog!  In the past three weeks we’ve covered why you should intentionally take more photos of your family and friends, tips on taking better photos, and making albums and wall photos from your digital images.  This week we will discuss archiving because let’s face it, computers crash.  You want to keep your images safe so when disaster strikes, you won’t lose your precious memories.

So after you’ve taken some photos, you download the photos from your camera or memory card to your computer, right?  That’s what most of us do, I believe.  That’s a great start!  You now have the images saved to your computer, but what next?  What if your computer crashes?  Here’s what I recommend:

Get yourself an external hard drive!  They connect to any computer via USB and you can get a lot of space for very little money.  For example, here’s a Seagate external hard drive on amazon.com that hold three terabytes for only $119.99.  Do you know how many photos you could store in three terabytes of space?  A LOT.  Totally worth spending a hundred bucks or so on.

So after you get yourself one of these, as soon as you download your photos to your computer you then want to copy your photos over to the external hard drive.  At this point, your photos are still on your camera, on your computer, and on your external hard drive.  Three places, but we’re still not safe.  You have to delete the photos from your camera/memory card at some point in order to take more photos, so you really only have them saved in two places.  But both your computer and your external hard drive could crash, so what else should we do?  Burn them onto a CD.

Your computer should have a CD drive that is capable of burning discs but if not, you can find USB CD drives fairly cheap.  You’ll want to keep blank CD’s on hand so that you can quickly burn a CD of your new photos.  Label it and file it away somewhere, preferably in a fire-proof safe.  Or if you already have a security deposit box at your bank, your CD’s would be a great addition to that.  If you have neither, you can pick up a small fire-proof safe at your local Wal-Mart or Target for around $30.  It’s worth the investment because not only can you store your photo CD’s in it, but you can also store important documents like birth certificates, marriage certificates, titles, deeds, etc.

At this point, we have our photos on our computer, an external hard drive, and a CD.  I’m assuming by now you’ve deleted them from your camera/memory card so you can take more photos 🙂  In my opinion, this is still not enough.  What if you lose your CD or it gets scratched or broken?  The last thing I’d recommend is storing your photos in a cloud drive online.

Why store your photos online?  Because if your computer crashes, your external hard drive is damaged or lost, and your CD is scratched and can’t be read, you will still have your photos online.  Most online storage websites back up your data also, so chances are pretty good that your photos will always be there when you need them.  Some websites charge a fee, so you may need to shop around to find one in your price range.  Here are some examples:

Flickr – you will need to pay for a Pro account in order to save uncompressed photos.

Photobucket – free unlimited photo storage (with file size limits).

Mozy – paid online data backup, not only for photos, but for all your files.

These are just a few, I’m sure if you do a Google search you can find more to choose from.  There are lots of pros to having cloud storage, but a major con is that websites can be hacked and your photos could be viewed or even stolen.  So even though I recommend it in addition to your computer, external hard drive, and CD storage, you will have to decide for yourself if the risks and costs are worth it to you.

So there you have it.  I hope you have found this series helpful in your photographic journey!  Please be sure to share some of your photos with us on the Facebook community group page and also leave a comment below!

<3 Shauna

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You can find Shauna blogging about her other hobbies such as knitting, crochet, and cooking on her personal website, www.workhomeplay.net.  She also blogs on GCH: What’s on Your Plate? on Tuesdays.

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Lady In Waiting: What If It’s Too Late?

November 9, 2012 by

I am not going to lie to you ladies; this will be the hardest thing I probably ever have to write about.  Furthermore, when I saw that I had this part of the chapter to write about I instantly felt sick to my stomach.  Then I prayed, and I know that God gave me this topic for a very special reason.  This is His way of telling me, you are ready to share such an ugly part of your life with others because of the beauty you have let Me make of it.  It is my prayer that as you read this you can get past the ugly my life once was and focus on the beautiful things that God has made from my messes in life.

I can tell you this topic alone has brought so many tears to my eyes; probably enough to make an ocean-no joke.  The past week I have been thinking to myself this part of the chapter is so personal, how can I possibly begin to share what God wants me to share with these women when I don’t want to even share it with myself?  Then I am reminded of Revelation 12:11 They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.  There is power in our testimony ladies.  There is hope from our hopeless situations, purity can come from our impurity, and the only reasoning for these miracles is because of the victory we have over Satan and the only reason for THAT is BECAUSE of the beautiful sacrifice of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  And that my friends, is how I can share what God so desperately wants you to hear today.

When I read the words on page 89, my heart sank.  “If you are reading this after the fact and are dealing with the guilt of the lost gift, do not be discouraged”.  The first time I read that it was about two years ago and I was very uncertain of how to not be discouraged.  Second time around, and two years later when I read that sentence I was overwhelmed with thankfulness to God that I am no longer dealing with the guilt of the lost gift.  What changed in two years you might be wondering?  Honestly, I changed.  Not because of anything I did, it was all because of what God did for me, on a cross.  He died and shed HIS innocent blood and took my guilt and shame away with Him.  Ladies, GOD DID THE SAME THING FOR YOU!  In those two years, I accepted personally what HIS gift meant for me; the new life I have freely been given!  My past did not change, but I chose to change the way I was living.  I chose to start embracing God and when I did I was no longer discouraged.  Have you done the same?

If you are reading this after the fact, please listen closely.  I understand the guilt, I understand waking up and feeling covered in shame.  I understand the pain behind every single tear that falls from your eyes.  I understand the pain of a broken heart.  My heart was broken … correction, shattered when someone who I loved took my innocence from me without asking my permission.  My natural response to this was not “this is all his fault for doing this to me”, instead it was “this is all my fault for letting this happen”.  I suffered with extreme guilt and it led me to turn completely away from God.  It was too late for me; I could no longer be a virgin when I got married like I had always dreamed of so I gave up.  I believed and lived out this lie for two years, living in sin.

One day the Lord placed A More Beautiful You by Johnny Diaz into my life.  I was driving along; crying because of what I had just done, that I knew was so wrong, but I just did not know how to stop going back to that sin.  Out of nowhere, seriously nowhere, my preprogrammed country station became a Christian radio station, K-love in my car.  This is what I heard:

So turn around you’re not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It’s not too late, you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear, they can all be washed away

By the one who’s strong, can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry, all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light, He will show you truth
And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl

My heart ached to hear those lyrics over and over again, but my tears got in the way.  I searched for that song for hours after hearing it and could not find it anywhere on the Internet.  Those lyrics God used to start to mend my broken heart.  But that was just the beginning of the mending.

I could not get over the fact that even though I did not choose to lose my virginity, I CHOSE TO KEEP GIVING MYSELF AWAY TO A MAN AND THEN MEN WHO WERE NOT CONCERNED WITH MY HEART, JUST MY BODY.  I fed into the lie that I needed this sin to be a part of my life.  I fed into the lie that I was indeed damaged goods.  These lies were so hard to get rid of.  What lies do you believe about your past?  What is tangling you up inside, making it seem impossible to get past the sins of your past?

PLEASE TAKE A MINUTE TO LET THIS TRUTH RUN THROUGH YOUR SOUL: No matter what your past may look like, all God sees is beauty.  Truly, if you are a child of God, if you have asked for his forgiveness for your mistakes, then you are living a beautiful new life!  God does not see the shame or guilt that weighs so heavy on your heart-He just sees your heart for what he created it to be.  His love is never out of reach no matter how far you have gotten yourself from accepting it.  God has the luxury of forgetting our sins, and we have the luxury of being forgiven and able to live our life filled with God’s love. 

Here is one of many examples of the beautiful things got has brought out of my ugly!  My heart was almost healed.  There were still some things I had to confess to God.  I walked into therapy with my pink journal in hand.  Each page was filled with sentence after sentence of pain, hurt, shame, guilt, sin, and ugliness.  I read aloud each page.  I ripped out each page and put it in God’s hands (literally my therapist drew God’s hands on a piece of paper and sat it against the wall).  As I was done with each page I prayed aloud to God.  I wanted to see His hands so I looked up, at that very instant His hands (the paper) fell over everything I had written.  That was the sign I needed that God loved me so much and that He took all of my shame and pain and guilt with Him where it belongs and left me with a brand new heart!  I am pure, I am a virgin, and I am not damaged, thank you Jesus!

Let’s Pray:  Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for your love.  Thank you for forgiving us and transforming our ugly past into such a beautiful life with you!  I pray that every single person reading this takes away the thing that you had planned for them to hear!  I praise you for the opportunity I have been given to share my heart with others.  I pray your many blessings upon each woman who has felt, it was too late for her.  I cannot put in words how thankful I am for healing our broken hearts!  We love you so incredibly much!  Amen.

Your Assignment:  If you are holding anything in from you past, get rid of it.  Please write it down and put it in God’s hands.  Let’s replace that space with God’s love!  Let’s be each other’s support system when temptations come or when we are starting to go backwards.  Please post below what God tells you when you are feeling bad for you past, I believe these words have the power to encourage and help each and every one of us!

Love you all so much!

Diane

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For the “Lady In Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Guarding the Treasure

November 8, 2012 by

Over the past two years I have been honored to stand in four different weddings of women I prayed with, laughed with, grew with, and watched fall deeply in love with the man of their dreams. I have seen relationships grow from friendship to marriage. I have been blessed to watch newlyweds and long married couples invite their first or second child into the world. I have talked my friends through the process of deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship with a man they were interested in.

Let’s be honest, I have done my fair share of relationship watching. But the one thing that I have not done is gone on a date. That’s right, I have not been on one single date in the past two years, and let me tell you something…it is not easy watching friend after friend meet the person they will spend the rest of their lives with and begin that process, while I am left single, alone, and in the dust with out even a possibility.

Why do I start this post out with what seems to be a complaint about my relationship status? Not for sympathy or a pat on the back. Not so that you set me up with some suitor or encourage me to get my feet wet. But to share with you, that I have not been out with men because I am guarding my treasure. Don’t get me wrong; it is not easy. When everyone else is happily in love and oogling over their latest romance, I do most certainly get quite lonely at times. I would love to have a fling, lock lips with a handsome male friend, or even just go on a date for fun. But I have committed myself to guarding my heart, my body, and my love.

The author writes about some practical ways to avoid making decisions that will give away your treasure too soon. Ladies, this does not just mean your virginity or your body. This sometimes even means your words and your affection. Let’s be honest with ourselves, we all love the coos and sweet words of men who desire to share some sort of intimacy with us. It makes us feel cared about, important, wanted, and maybe even loved. But we ought not give our love to every man who speaks whispers those sweet nothings into our ears. The reality of the situation is, there is a great chance that you may not end up with the most recent sweet-talker to grace your paths.

Let me be clear here: this is not a man bash. There are many great intentioned males out there who mean what they say and have actions to back it up. But while you wait for Mr. Right, please do not throw yourself at every man who says you are beautiful, unique, or special. Even if you are in the midst of a relationship that you think could be the one, you may want to go as far as asking this man not to pour out words of adornment until you are in a more committed stage of your relationship. Explain what it does to your heart. A good man will be able to prove how much he cares for you without using words. He will make you feel beautiful, unique and special by the way that he treats you. If he is using words and not backing them up with actions, please, ladies, DO NOT stick around expecting him to change! There are good men out there who will treat you like the woman of God that you are, so don’t settle for a man who does not hold himself, and you to those standards!

Best of all if you are guarding your treasure, when you meet the right man, you will not hear yourself echoing words that you once said to a former lover. You will not find yourself repeating actions that were once special with another man, but rather you will find that all of the adorable phrases and enjoyable “you-isms” will be safe for just this one man. Trust me, I know that it is difficult to watch your sisters and friends sharing these intimate moments with men left and right. It is so hard not to get sucked into wanting it for yourself, right now! However, we will all find in the end that the moments of intimacy lost on men who mean nothing will take away from the man who will mean everything. And the moments that you save will be that much more special!

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Let’s Pray

Heavenly Father, thank you for creating us with the emotions and desires that we have! Thank you for knowing exactly how we can best use those emotions and desires. Give us the patience to save our energies for the man who you have in design for us. Let us invest our hearts in you for the comfort we lack during this time of singleness, so that we are better able to love our husbands when the time comes. Please bless us in this week as we enter into a deeper intimacy with you. Amen.

Your Assignment

 Talk with some of your sisters in Christ and/or an accountability partner about what your standards should be for a man. Write down a list of ways that you can protect your purity, and your heart when you do go out with a man you are interested in. Report back with one or two ways you have been doing that in your relationships with men.

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Online Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Emotional, Relational, Spiritual

November 7, 2012 by

I honestly don’t know how to get started here. I didn’t even need to see the sections I was writing on this week before thoughts began to pour into my head, all I needed to see was the word “purity”. And it made me freeze. How can I write to women about purity when I see my past as tainted, when my purity is a thing of the past. Then I got quiet and prayed. This isn’t the first time I have had to use my past to speak to others, and yes I am no longer pure in regards to my physical state, but God has forgiven me and washed me whiter than snow. This is how I can talk about this topic. It doesn’t make it easier by any means!  The consequences of my actions are still something I deal with, but I can stop myself and pray, knowing I am forgiven, and that the lessons learned will help someone else.

I became pregnant with my daughter at 17 and had her when I was 18. I wasn’t married. I have dealt with the emotional, relational and spiritual consequence these sections speak about, I think a lot of us have.

God gave us a gift when he tied our emotions to our physical state.  It enables us to love hard.  It drives us to give our all to the one we’re with. But that gift only works the way it is designed to work when we are with the one God has chosen for us, and under the bond of marriage. It is stated more than once in this section that God wants to protect us; protect us from a broken heart, protect us from condemnation, protect us from fear, from resentment. It also lists doubt, depression, bitterness and mistrust. I remember feeling all of these after purity was no longer one of the characteristics I possessed. He wants to protect our hearts and minds from these negative emotions that sexual promiscuity will bring.

This section further defends the thought that women are complex creations. Yes ladies we are complex, we have many layers, we are hard to understand, and at times we can be complicated. This is not a bad thing. It is part of Gods security system for us. But have you ever set off an alarm by using the incorrect code and haven’t been able to turn it off? That’s what premarital sex does to us. It sets off an alarm that only God can turn off.  But instead of a screaming noise, our emotions, relationships, and spirituality are screaming.  Our internal alarm systems need the right code.

 The code of Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

 The code of Colossians 3:1-2

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above,

where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.

Whether it is one night, or a long term relationship, premarital sex negatively effects three of the most important aspects of a woman’s life. Emotional. Relational. Spiritual. We are God’s ladies in waiting. When situations present themselves that deal with the topic of purity, take a conscious step back and think of the impact it will have on these three areas.

With Love,

Tonya Ellison

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Lets Pray:

Thank you Lord for the security system you have placed within each and every one of us. Thank you for your forgiveness and redemption. Lord please touch our hearts when we are facing different situations and bring to mind how much you value our emotions, relationships and spirituality. Thank you for protecting us.

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen

Your assignment:

I listed some codes I use when I’m faced with certain situations or when Satan tries to remind me of my past.  What are some scriptures you turn to when purity is concerned?

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Online Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Why Wait / Physical

November 6, 2012 by

 

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a [woman] commits are outside [her] body,

but [she] who sins sexually sins against [her] own body.”

1 Corinthians 6:18 NIV

When I saw my blogging assignment for this week, I began to pray because I knew what the Lord was asking me to do.  Speak and write the truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.  I pray that you will open your heart to receive this truth and not feel in any way condemned.  I am writing out of love for you and to shield you from pain.

To start us off today, I want to present to you two scenarios. In the first place, have you ever wondered why when we taste something that is not to our satisfaction – we say it’s okay or it could have been better?  Or have you heard of a man or woman asking their partner to go and see a therapist because they feel that their partner is not good in bed?  The question that you would ask is this, how do you know that the food you are eating is not good or bad?  It’s because you have tasted something better!  In the same way the man or woman in the example above feels that the other is not good in bed because they have been with other people.  They are comparing their spouse with the girlfriend(s) or boyfriend(s) they had in the past and they feel cheated.

Now imagine your wedding day – you have been looking forward to this day all your life, as a young woman you have dreamed how this day would be because you have been planning this for so many years.  The wedding ceremony was perfect, the food and drinks met your expectations and everyone is going to talk about how beautiful you looked for weeks or months to come.  Now come the wedding night – the honeymoon suite and everything else is so beautiful.  The mood is set for a wonderful evening but afterwards your husband asks you “honey, I thought I was your first!” Can you dare to look at him in the eye and say, I am sorry?

Let me also share some of the questions we received as leaders of the singles group I led at our church: –

How much is too much? –

We are engaged to be married, is it okay to spend the night at his place? –

I love him so I feel it is right to have sex with him as a way of expressing my love, is this ok? –

All my friends do it, why not me?  I will repent and God will forgive me. –

You don’t buy a car without taking it for a test drive.  What if you find out that the person you have married has a deformity in this area?

At first I couldn’t believe I was getting these questions from young men and women who were Christians because I was naïve to think that “church folk” that were saved, who narrated the Bible back to back struggled with such issues.  I realized that if they had it together then we would not be tackling this topic.  When you are coming from the “world” you put Christians in a pedestal and expect that they know everything and don’t struggle with issues the rest of the world does. Girlfriends, when the Bible says “FLEE” it means “RUN”.  This is not the time to be asking if it should be a splint or a big walk or if it’s time to put on running shoes or wait until the water has reached the neck.   You just run!  I am saying this to address the above questions.  Don’t allow yourself to be in a compromising position and expect to stop when it becomes too much.  Our Father loves us so much and does not want us to get hurt as such He warns us to flee from such situations.

I am not sure if you have thought of having sex outside of marriage as sinning against your own body?  Well to be honest with you back then I didn’t know but now I know.  And although I also know that God has forgiven me, the sin has been laid at the cross and buried in the grave, I still have to live with the consequences of my past actions.  My dear sisters, I confessed Christ as my Lord and Savior at 19 but I never really gave all of my life to him.  As a young woman, I bought into the ideologies of the world and lived and did as I pleased.  I had one foot in the church and the other in the world.  I believed that if I loved someone then to express how much I love him, I had to sleep with him.  I wish I knew better.  I wish someone gave me this book to read back then. Beloved what you do now may look harmless but know for sure that you will reap the fruits of your actions.  “Do not be deceived, God cannot be mocked.” Jackie Kendall and Debbie Jones highlights that God wants you to be a Lady of Purity because He wants to protect you from the consequences that sex before marriage brings. These consequences can be physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual.

These are just some of the physical reasons: –

God desires for your precious gift to be given to a committed lover who will cherish, keep, and protect you in marriage. God wants you and your gift to this man to be treasured and cherished, and trampled and conquered. –

God also wants to protect you from the sexually transmitted diseases that could affect not only you, but also your future husband. –

God also desires to shield you from an unwanted pregnancy. Although precautions exist, pregnancy always remains a possibility. A rushed marriage, adoption, or abortion only complicates the consequences.

I pray that you will not fall into the trap of “if you love me then you will sleep with me” like I did. Honor God with your body as much as you honor Him with everything else. For someone who has already gone all the way.  I pray that you will ask God for forgiveness and commit to be pure from this day forward.  The Bible says in 1 John 1:9 “if we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Old habits, old fears, old addictions may approach and afflict us and sometimes we may want to turn back to them. But God is saying to us, “Fix your eyes on Me! If you will let Me be your victory, we will see the last of that.”

Listen to what God is saying!

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LET’S PRAY

Lord, I come before you with a broken and contrite heart.  I ask you to forgive me for sinning against you and my body.  I want a new start from this day forward.  I make this commitment to you and my future husband.  In Jesus Name.  Amen.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT

Second Samuel 13:1-19 is a painful story of rape, but note the reaction of the man who got what he wanted. After his sexual thirst was quenched, what was his response toward the woman for whom he lusted? How did he feel toward the woman? Why?

Be Blessed,
Jackie
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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Filed Under: Singles Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
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