November 6, 2024

Winning Him Without Words: Know the Essentials

October 21, 2012 by

 “Then why do you treat him any differently now?

Treat him as if he were a Christian.”  

OUCH!  I wonder how many of us have ever had this epiphany!?!  Men need respect … while women need love.  We women know that we need love.  It makes us feel secure in our relationship.  But have we really truly thought of what respect means to our husband?  As Dineen said, “some even equate respect with love.”

Having respect for our husband means treating him with the utmost kindness. Treat him as you want to be treated.  Do you treat your husband with the utmost kindness; or the way you want to be treated?  Do you let your husband take the lead in the household?  Do you belittle your husband in front of others?  Do you laugh at him in front of others?  Do you add to the stress that he already has? Do you nag him?

God calls us to respect our husbands.  He doesn’t tell us to respect our husband only IF he does this or that; only if he is a good father; only if he is a good provider; only if he shows you love, and so on.  He simply tells us to respect him….period!

Respecting your husband simply put, means that you have chosen to obey God.  When you obey God by respecting your husband, you are showing honor to God!  God never called you to nag your husband.  In fact, in Proverbs 21:9 tells us that it’s better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife.  Proverbs 21:19 tells us that it’s better to live in a wilderness than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife.

From there, we move into the section of the book that talks about our needs.  We have such a way of putting such high demands on our spouse to meet our needs that it’s impossible for him to meet them all!  Then we get frustrated, disappointed, or angry, that he isn’t able to meet these needs. First off, your spouse was never made to meet your every need!  Only God can do that!  Once you figure this out, it takes the pressure off of you both!  You are no longer disappointed in him for not meeting your needs; and he is no longer working so hard trying to figure out how to please you!!  Win-Win Situation for you both!  Praise God!

The one thing that really stood out to me in this chapter though, is the section that talked about his salvation and praying for your husband.  I know how important his salvation is to you.  But I want to ask you something.  I want you to really think about this, too.

“Would you rather your husband have a ‘forced’ relationship with God because you forced him into this with your nagging? Or would you rather he have the kind of relationship that allows him to love the Lord with his whole heart, soul, mind, and strength?” 

I really want you to think about this question today.  The rest of this chapter goes into a lot more things for us to think about, and I don’t want to take away from our awesome ladies who will be blogging the rest of the week.  So with that, I’m going to end my blog here today.  I hope I have given you some food for thought today.

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Here is Your Reading Assignment this Week:

Oct 22 –

Know the Essentials / Our Deepest Needs – Beverly

 Oct 23 –

It’s Not About Us – Jennifer

 Oct 24 –

To Know & Be Known – Donna

 Oct 25 –

God Is the Wild Hope Maker – Sarah

 Oct 26 –

Glue to Hope, Joy, & Peace / Discovery / Prayer – Martha

Don’t Forget! Saturdays with Shandy!

Shandy is taking us through a 6-week journey to prepare our homes for the Holidays!

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Let’s Pray:

Father, thank You so much Lord for loving us the way You do.  Thank You Lord for the spouse you have given each of us.  Lord, allow us to see him through Your eyes.  Allow our hearts to love him the way You do.  Put a guard over our tongue this week Lord, and help us to watch the words that come out of our mouth.  Lord, help us to truly be the kind of wife that You designed us to be for the spouse You have given us. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!

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 God bless you,

.

.

.

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Please email Christi@girlfriendscoffeehour.com if you have any questions, or if you have a private comment that you would like to forward to one of our bloggers in regards to their post that day.

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Winning Him Without Words: Week 3 Review w/ Martha

October 19, 2012 by

This blog is brought to you today by Martha Bush

“What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”   [Mark 10:9]

And with that final scripture spoken over us, we kissed and ran down the aisle to start our new life together.  Yes, the bride with teased hair and the groom with a crew top, wearing a white sports coat is Mr. and Mrs. Glen Bush.  (60’s style fashion)

Never would either of us have thought on that blissful day that the time would come when, what God had joined together, would be disconnected.  No, not by way of divorce; we are still hanging in there 46 years later.  But, a disconnection whereby we were no longer “united as one” emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

The disconnect came in various ways, but the one who brought the biggest disconnect was none other than GOD.   Well, maybe God didn’t directly cause it.  But you see, I was a little confused on how to share my faith around my unsaved husband.

For example:

  • “I bought you a Bible, sweetheart.  Read it, so you can learn more about Jesus.”
  •  “Would you please straighten up your language!   And, for goodness sakes,  put that cigarette out. The Bible says your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.”
  • “Please don’t turn off my Jesus tapes; I’m worshipping.”
  • “You want sex tonight?  Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie.  The Bible says a couple can refrain from having sex when fasting, if they both agree.  You will agree to refrain while I am on this 3 week Daniel fast with my church, won’t you?”

Finally, one day my husband said to me:  “I want my wife back!”  “I want a friend and lover,  not a mother!”

OMG!  I had been on such a spiritual high to save his soul and help him be able to wear a halo like mine that I had totally disconnected from him.  He no longer knew me.

Changes had to be made.  I decided that  if I wanted to Stay Connected with the love of my life, I’d better  INTENTIONALLY take a closer look at what love, “God’s Way,” was all about.

Beverly, Jennifer, Donna, and Sara have painted a beautiful picture of love, “God’s Way” that is sure to help us all Stay Connected with our man as outlined in Chapter 3.

Let’s review their points.

Monday:  “Love is For a Lifetime – –As Beverly pondered what she could possibly share about  “love being for a lifetime”  one word within a sentence on Pg. 56 in our book caught her eye.  “God is freely giving us the secret to a long and joyful marriage.”

The word that stood out to her in that sentence was secret.  From that word, God showed Beverly that the secret to love for a lifetime is in the seven  C’s.

Commitment   Compromise   Communication   Courtesy   Charity   Courtship         The last and best “C” is Christ

Beverly said that a surefire way of maintaining these seven  ”C’s” is to:   pray together as husband and wife on a daily basis. Don’t let busy schedules, the TV, work, or the internet crowd this out. Make it your highest priority to “stay connected” and you will have a prosperous marriage journey that will “last a lifetime”

May we do likewise.

Tuesday:  “All Things Are Not Equal” – –Jennifer  poured out her frustrations about love and staying connected to her spouse.  No doubt, Jennifer’s frustrations are embedded in many of our hearts.

  1.     Why do I always have to give and give without ever getting anything in return?
  2.     Will I always live in this continual bout of frustration?
  3.    Why won’t my husband ever see that I am hurting?
  4.    Why won’t he anticipate my needs?
  5.   Why do I have to cater to HIS needs while mine remain unmet?
  6.   Why won’t he help me in my times of need?

Yes, we often find that All Things are Not Equal in our dream world of having an equal partnership.  So, what is the answer to our frustrations?  

Jennifer summed it up this way:  With God’s help, we can love without expectation. God knows our every need. God knows every ache of our heart. God knows every desire of our soul. I am here to tell you, as hard as this is to grasp, God is the only one who can meet your every need. If you continue to rely on your husband to meet your every need, you will always be disappointed, because your husband is not God.

May we do likewise.

Wednesday:  “Bring on the Bedroom” —Donna brought out that the God-given pleasure in staying connected is:  Intimacy in the Bedroom.

Yes, intimacy is a gift from God for a husband and wife, that brings us pleasure.  But, Donna points to the fact that, life gets in the way, and intimacy goes on the back burner, thus robbing us of this pleasure.  She then challenges us with this statement:  We need to make the effort.

Donna shared a few ideas from her own marriage that has kept intimacy between she and her husband alive.

  • Prayer                                                   Picnic
  • Texting/calling at work                 Candles   (Christi’s choice)
  • Write notes to view at work         Reserve room at hotel
  • Buy a new negligee                         Vacation together
  • Plan a date night                             Attend marriage seminars

May we do likewise

 

Thursday:  “When You don’t Agree” – – Sarah confirms to us that “intimacy in the bedroom” is God’s idea of staying connected by pointing us to The Song of Solomon. This book is dedicated to the story of pursuing love, expressing love, and enjoying love…being able to abandon ourselves to our husbands wholeheartedly and with passion, holding nothing back. God is not a prudish God.  He definitely wants us to enjoy sex!

However, Sarah points us to the reality that we all might have face answering some tough questions about what goes on in the bedroom with our spouse. In short, how far is too far?

Sarah came into agreement with Lynn, our author as to how to answer some of those tough questions.  You need to talk about setting boundaries. Your husband married you because he loves YOU, not what you can do for him sexually. He needs to respect your wishes and you need to do the same for him. But he can never expect you to do things you feel are inappropriate or make you feel ashamed.  If you sit down and talk about what you are both comfortable and not comfortable with, there can be no misunderstandings. The marriage bed is supposed to be a comfortable and enjoyable place to be. Without setting boundaries, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy love making with your husband and that is not what God wants for you.

******

Christi added another line of questions that we might be faced with in regards to sexual intimacy.

  1. What about couples who have sexless marriages due to physical problems?
  2. What about those women whose husband has no sex drive?
  3.  What about the couple that realizes that physical problems prevent them from having sex, but they are okay with it?  They love each other anyway.  Is that sexless marriage okay?
  4. If, a sexless marriage is truly acceptable to both parties, is this something God would approve?

Christi suggested a list of books that would help us answer the tough questions we might have.  But, she concludes with:  Whatever you do, PRAY!  Pray the Word of God over your marriage, over your bedroom, over your bed, over your husband’s pillow.  As Sarah suggested above, take the book of Song of Solomon and pray it over you and your husband in 1st person. If you have to, read it out loud when you go to bed together!

Friday:  Discovery/Prayer:  Father God, no doubt as was Esther, we, too, have been brought into the Kingdom for such a time as this.  You have called us to a high calling: “Being a Wife.”  I ask you, in the name of your son, Jesus, to help each of us Stay Connected with our husband, and to live out our life according to 1 Peter 3 before him.  The truths you have revealed to us this week are priceless.  Help us walk them out.  In Jesus name, I pray.  Amen.

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Above all, if you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, and would like to have someone pray with you, please email us at Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com. and one of our prayer team members will contact you.

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Lady in Waiting: Divine Encounter

October 18, 2012 by


This blog post is brought to you by Katie Blumberg

“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” Genesis 2:18
This verse was one I clung to (and still do!) all throughout my college years of singleness. I have faith that the Lord has created a man to compliment my gifts and talents. I have faith that he has created me to be someone’s helper, Encourager, and partner. So at the beginning of every new semester, and every time I walked into a church or worship service, or every time I started a new class or joined a new club, I would immediately be on the look-out for that man that the Lord was going to provide for me. How much time did I lose trying to place myself in the path of the “man of my dreams” rather than trying to place myself in the center of God’s will for me?
Let’s go back a bit to last week’s conversation. If we are pursuing the God-given dreams, desires, and passions that we feel led to, we will find ourselves in the best possible place: HIS will! But what about that fear that if we were to do that, to give our hearts entirely to the Lord and to allow him to lead us in every decision, that we might miss out on the man of our dreams? Let’s face it – not every woman who pursues the Lord’s call on her life to be a missionary in another country meets a man immediately to pursue that dream with her. Sometimes it takes years. But what the Lord is concerned with is our faithfulness to him…he has all the other details worked out!
“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
This verse does not say that you will immediately receive a husband. It doesn’t say that if you follow him all things will go your way. It says that HE will give YOU the desires of YOUR heart, when you delight yourself in him. That’s right! Our loving and faithful God longs to bring us things that we will enjoy, be blessed by, and that we long for most! But what are the requirements? We must delight ourselves in him. That means giving up to him the things we think we want and need the most. That means trusting that his will is better than ours. That means we must stop trying to arrange our own future marriage by throwing ourselves in every man-pit we come across, and allow him to ordain the perfect time for your meeting. Many of the best love stories I hear have much less to do with women who forced their way into a relationship with “the perfect man” and much more to do with a divine encounter!
So I will repeat the question that Michelle asked, do you trust God? Do you trust that he already knows the desires of your heart and is waiting for you to delight in him, so that he can make your heart look like his? Do you trust that the Lord does not want you to wallow in loneliness and singleness forever, but to meet and marry a man that you are attracted to inside and out? Do you trust the Lord to bring you into a divine encounter with a “pillar of strength” (like Boaz!) that will become your husband? Our perfect and continually faithful Father knows what we are longing for. He knew when he created us, and when he created our helpers, that it would not be good for us to be alone. But He is also a jealous God, and he longs for us to turn our hearts to him, delight in him, and find our wholeness in him before he brings about Mr. Right at the perfectly appointed time.
Let’s seek the Lord and ask him to guide our paths, so that we are on the right one when the man he has been preparing for us decides to cross that path too!
Let’s Pray:
Heavenly Father, Thank you for knowing us more intimately than we know ourselves. Thank you for knowing the desires of our hearts, and creating us with those desires! And thank you for already knowing the plan you have for our lives. You have a divine encounter awaiting each of us, and all you ask is that we delight ourselves in you and follow your will. Give us patience as we wait the days, months, and maybe years before that divine encounter happens. Give us wisdom to seek you even when it seems hopeless and we want to turn back and follow the logical and easy route. Teach our hearts to delight in you, Lord! In your heavenly and precious name we ask these things, Amen!
Your Assignment:
Sometime today find a half hour that you can give your undivided attention to God. Ask him what it means to delight in Him, and how you have been successful in this, and how you can learn to do this more. Report back what he answers!
Be blessed,
Katie
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If you would like to be a part of this Online Bible Study, and join our Facebook Discussion Group, please click on the “Sign-Up Here” button at the top of our website, and follow the instructions.  We’ll be happy to add you!!
Filed Under: Singles Tagged With:

Winning Him Without Words: When We Don’t Agree

October 18, 2012 by

This blog is brought to you today by Sarah Boyer & Christi Wilson

“How am I supposed to compete with that?” Do you ever say that when you see an ad with a Victoria’s Secret model or see a skinny young thing on TV with everything where it ought to be (thanks to Photoshop!)? I do. Today’s world places so much emphasis on youth and beauty; it is hard to not get caught up in the hype to look younger, thinner, and less wrinkly.

But what if your husband sees these same commercials and ads and starts to suggest that you wear skimpy outfits like those women. Or what if he subscribes to a certain type of magazine or visits sites online that portray women in sexual situations that you know are wrong and demoralizing, but your husband thinks would be fun? After all, the bible says to submit to your husband. But how far is too far?

I love how Lynn answers this tough question. You need to talk about setting boundaries in the bedroom. Your husband married you because he loves YOU, not what you can do for him sexually. He needs to respect your wishes and you need to do the same for him. But he can never expect you to do things you feel are inappropriate or make you feel ashamed.  If you sit down and talk about what you are both comfortable and not comfortable with, there can be no misunderstandings. No, it won’t be an easy conversation, but it is just as important as discussing money issues and child rearing methods. The marriage bed is supposed to be a comfortable and enjoyable place to be. Without setting boundaries, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy love making with your husband and that is not what God wants for you.

What if your husband calls you a “prude” because you are Christian?  You need to reassure him and tell him that God approves of sex between a husband and a wife and that you are not, nor will you ever become a prude because you are a Christian. Sex is a beautiful thing between a husband and wife. It is the most intimate way you can show your love for one another. There is no need to be prudish about sex with your husband. God designed us to be intimate with our spouses. He wants us to enjoy sex too! Read Song of Solomon if you doubt me! The whole book is dedicated to the story of pursuing love, expressing love, and enjoying love…being able to abandon ourselves to our husbands wholeheartedly and with passion, holding nothing back. That doesn’t sound like God wants us to be prudish to me!

I love what Lynn wrote at the end of this section:  Intimacy, love, sex, trust, forgiveness, commitment, respect – all of these are components of married love and are gifts from the Lord. Enjoy!

One more problem that can come up in our sex lives is agreeing on WHEN. As wives and mothers we are tired! We work full time jobs, we take care of the kids, we cook, we clean, and then at the end of the day we are expected to be enthusiastic lovers when we really want to just go to sleep. I understand, but getting into this pattern of work, cooking and cleaning, and taking care of kids puts your husband last on the list. Men are physical beings, connecting in the bedroom is how they express their most intimate love for you. You need to make an effort not to deny him. Yes we are tired, but you really need to make an effort to make time for love making with your husband. Remember when you were first married? Your guy was the most important thing in your life, next to God of course. Make an effort to rekindle those feelings for your husband and make time for him just like you did when you were newlyweds!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the last couple of days, we’ve been talking about the pleasures of the marriage bed.  But today, I want to add a little something to think about.

What about women who have sexless marriages?  For those marriages that have physical problems, maybe one spouse is physically incapable of having sex.  Is it okay that this marriage is sexless, if both parties agree that it’s okay?  Or is it a detriment to the marriage because it leaves room for temptation?

What about those women whose husband has no sex drive?  There are men out there who are unable to perform sexually due to medical reasons, but are unable to take certain medications because of other physical problems.  Is this sexless marriage okay?  Or does this leave room for temptation?

What about the couple that realizes that physical problems prevent them from having sex, but they are okay with it?  They love each other anyway.  Is that sexless marriage okay?

Sex is such an important part of marriage.  But we have to realize too, that there are reasons couples cannot have sex.  They may be able to do everything else, but unable to complete the lovemaking.  If this is truly acceptable to both parties, is this something God would approve?

We just have to keep these things in mind when it comes to having a satisfying sex life.  There are other ways of having a fulfilling sex life without intercourse.  I know this is bold, but it’s the truth.  If both couples agree to a sexless marriage, I personally do not feel there is anything wrong with this, especially when it comes to physical problems preventing it; but I do believe that both parties must be in total agreement with it.

Whatever you do, PRAY!  Pray the Word of God over your marriage, over your bedroom, over your bed, over your husband’s pillow.  As Sarah suggested above, take the book of Song of Solomon and pray it over you and your husband in 1st person, such as:  “(Spouse’s name) is my beloved, and I am (Spouse’s Name), and his desire is only for me.  And so on.  Read the whole book!  If you have to, read it out loud when you go to bed together!

Listed below are some good books that I would suggest for couples who are just struggling in the bedroom:  “Sex Begins in the Kitchen” by Dr. Kevin Leman  — “Sheet Music” by Dr. Kevin Leman — “The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Smalley – There are many other great books out there to choose from.

God bless,

Christi

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Let’s Pray:

Lord, sometimes as wives we view sex as a “have to” instead of a “want to” which creates a roadblock to our intimacy with our husbands. Please help us to remember that You intended sex to be a fun and loving activity with our husband. Help us to put away the stresses of life and enjoy our intimacy with our husbands. Let our intimacy bring us closer together and help us to stay connected. Remind us that You want us to enjoy sex with our husbands, giving our full abandon.

We pray for those marriages who are physically incapable of having sex.  We ask Lord that You give these couples creative ideas on fulfilling each other sexually.  In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

I would like you to describe below the best date you had with your husband while you were dating. As you write about it, remember how you felt on that date. Remember the anticipation you felt while getting all dolled up for your guy. Remember how he looked, and remember your feelings for him during that date. Write it all out and then as soon as possible, recreate that date!

 

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join this Bible study, we would love to have you join us! Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple! We hope to see you soon!

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Winning Him Without Words: All Things Are Not Equal

October 16, 2012 by

“You might be wondering why it seems to always be up to you to change, to give, to love. What about him? Doesn’t he have to do anything?” — p. 61


I have to admit something to all of you.

This is the single hardest section for me in the book thus far.

Do you want me to “get real” with all of you? Here are the ugly, selfish thoughts that ran through my head while reading this section: Why do I always have to give and give without ever getting anything in return? Will I always live in this continual bout of frustration? Why won’t my husband ever see that I am hurting? Why won’t he anticipate my needs? Why do I have to cater to HIS needs while mine remain unmet? Why won’t he help me in my times of need?

Why me, why me, why me?

Ugh, I sound pathetic just writing that out. And part of me wants to go back and rewrite it so I sound better.

But they are real feelings and until I can admit them to myself (and you admit them to yourself, whatever your ugly, selfish feelings may be), we cannot conquer them with truth from God’s Word:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

My thoughts certainly are not patient nor kind. In fact, my thoughts are rather rude and self-seeking. My Life Application Study Bible has this note for these verses:

Our society confuses love and lust. Unlike lust, God’s kind of love is directed outward toward others, not inward toward ourselves. It is utterly unselfish. This kind of love goes against our natural inclinations. It is impossible to have this love unless God helps us set aside our own natural desires so that we can love and not expect anything in return. Thus, the more we become like Christ, the more  love we will show to others.

The selfish feelings we experience are normal. It is only with God’s help that we can love without expectation. God knows our every need. God knows every ache of our heart. God knows every desire of our soul. I am here to tell you, as hard as this is to grasp, God is the only one who can meet your every need. If you continue to rely on your husband to meet your every need, you will always be disappointed, because your husband is not God.

Last week we learned that we have to release the control of our husband’s salvation to God. This week, God revealed an even more important truth to me. I need to take my husband off the throne. I must ensure  that I am not making my husband the God of my life. He is not there to meet my every need, to serve my every whim. He is my helpmeet, my partner, my friend. He is only a man. As much as I would like him to be, he is not on this earth to serve me. Once God gets him, his function in life will be to serve the Lord first and foremost.

It is not about me.

This week, let us focus on learning from Jesus about true, biblical love. Let us set our desires aside and look to God for the true meaning of love. The kind of love He has for us – that no matter what we do or where we go, He still pursues us and loves us and wants to draw us to Himself. The kind of love that is patient and kind; not envious, boastful, proud, rude, self-seeking, easily angered, or keeps record of wrongs. A love that rejoices with the truth, protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

*****

Let’s Pray:

Lord, we come to you this day asking you to teach us about biblical love. Show us how to set aside our expectations and selfishness and to focus on loving others like you love us. Reveal to us in your personal way, through people placed in our path or through your Word, what we need to learn and what steps we need to take. Father, I also ask that you help us to take our husbands off the throne if we have made them an idol in our lives. Help us to place you firmly in that spot and to be able to show grace and compassion upon our husbands today. In Jesus name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

What is one intentional thing you can do for your husband today without expecting anything in return? (Remember, if you post it, really try to commit to not expecting your husband to give you anything in return – even a thank you! Do it out of love for God and for your husband.)

Many blessings to you,

Jennifer

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Join the Winning Him Without Words Bible Study!

For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

*****

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Winning Him Without Words: Stay Connected

October 14, 2012 by

 

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

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Well, how did the first two chapters go for you?  Are you ready to move forward and learn more about making your unequally yoked marriage thrive?  I am!!  Let’s get to it!

In this Chapter, Lynn walks us through different ways that we can stay connected to our husbands.  In the beginning of this chapter, she talks about how putting together a Fantasy Football Team gave her something in common with her husband.  I admit I haven’t been that much into football, or any other sport for that matter. But there are things that my husband and I do like to do together; riding motorcycles, movies, reading, playing cards, trying new restaurants, trying new foods and recipes, and more.

A little over five months ago, we turned off our television. Yes, shut it off!  We even had the cable turned off!  We had discussed this for a couple of years, but he was never really ready to give it a try.  But one day he brought it back up again, and I jumped at the chance.  I called the cable company and asked them to turn off our cable.  We looked at each other and said, “Well, Now What????”  🙂

From there, the only time we watched television was if the two of us wanted to sit down and watch a movie.  Netflix has some fun programs that we enjoyed watching, as well; like Myth Busters, or How It’s Made; both fun and interesting shows.

We weaned ourselves away from the television, and began to find new things to do together.  We began to explore new books.  We got into the reading the bible more.  We learned how to play new card games, or board games.  We went for more walks. We TALKED more!! That was a big one!!

During these five months, we grew together.  We learned more about each other.  We learned each others Love Language.  We spent more quality time together.  During our meals, we sat at the table and talked, instead of in front of the television without speaking a word to each other!  It was amazing what was happening in our marriage!

If you do not know what your spouse’s Love Language is, please click HERE for an online test.  HE WILL NEED TO TAKE THIS QUIZ.  It will be well worth it,Ladies, to learn his love language!!  His love language will speak directly to his heart!  Win-Win situation!  You will also see other quizzes for wives, children, teens, and singles!  Excellent site!

About a week ago, we decided that with winter months coming on board, and football season starting, we would turn the television back on; but we both agreed that it was not going to become the idol that it had been in our home before.  It would not become the thing that divided us, or took away our quality time!

It was funny when we turned the television back on and hooked it up to the antenna…we flipped through a few channels and said “Eh, nothing really on…so now what do you want to do?”  LOL  It wasn’t like before, where we would flip through the channels and even if we couldn’t find something worthy of watching, we would watch it anyway just to have something to do!!  That will not happen again!

We gained a lot during this time without our television, and we are determined not to let a stupid little box divide our relationship again!

I love my husband.  I know he loves me, too.  We want our marriage to be successful.  So we are determined in finding ways that we can make our marriage even better.  It isn’t a bad marriage, in any way!  Don’t get me wrong!  But I believe that every marriage has room for improvement, no matter how good it is!!  All it takes is a little work, creativity, and the determination to do it.  Whether it’s turning off the television, or creating a fantasy football league, or ??? … ask the Lord what will bring your marriage to a higher level, and then be intentional about it!!  Your marriage is worth it!

This week’s chapter has a whole lot more to offer you than what I’ve shared here.  Lynn covers some pretty awesome topics!  Be sure to spend the time that you need in this chapter.  I believe it is truly going to open your eyes in so many ways!!

 

Your Reading Assignment

Oct 15 – 1 Cor 13:4-7 – Love Is a Lifetime – Beverly

Oct 16 – All Things Are Not Equal – Jennifer

Oct 17 – Bring On the Bedroom – Donna

Oct 18 – When You Don’t Agree – Sarah

Oct 19 – Discovery / Prayer – Martha

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Let’s Pray:

Lord, I pray for each women that reads our blog posts this week.  I pray that each woman would be given creative ideas to stay connected with her husband.   Give us creative ideas of how we can meet our husbands needs physically, emotionally, and more.  Teach us his love language Lord. Help us to speak to him through his love language.  In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!

If you would like to join this Online Bible Study and our Facebook Discussion Group, please click on the “Sign-Up Here” button at the top of our page, and follow the instructions.  We will add you as soon as we receive your request.  🙂

God bless you,

 

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Saturdays with Shandy: 6 Weeks to Make Your Home Shine for the Holidays! Week Two

October 13, 2012 by

This past week, we decluttered and tackled front porch and entryway cleaning projects. How did everyone do??? It wasn’t too hard, right? A little bit each week will add up to a whole lot of stress removed from our holiday celebrations! Remember, we are taking before & after pictures every week, and will have the opportunity to share them in our Facebook group on Saturdays only, so be sure to head over there today to post your pictures! I can’t wait to see what everyone has accomplished so far!

This week, we are going to focus on our living and dining rooms. In our house, our front room, or “keeping room” (also known as the living room, great room, parlour, or sitting room) is where we spend much of our time, and is where we invite our guests to sit and make themselves at home. Keeping rooms, historically, were a room right off the kitchen where Colonial families would gather to glean warmth from the kitchen stove. It’s not so different today, as many homes have fireplaces in their living rooms. Not mine, sadly, but many. *sigh* But it is our gathering place, and is where we spend most of our time together as a family.

As such, it should be a comfortable, warm, inviting place, free of clutter, dust, and otherwise unpleasant things. And then there is the dining room. The place where we pray together, break bread together, and fellowship together. If we had Jesus as a guest in our home, we would invite Him to have a meal with us in this special room, so we want this room to be the best it can be, right? Homey, clean, and welcoming. The living room, dining room, and kitchen (which we will get to next week) work together to be the hearts of our homes, so let’s give them the love they deserve.

Have you ever thought about using your five senses when it comes to making your house a home?  The way a house smells speaks volumes about the people that live there, especially the one(s) responsible for housekeeping. What do you smell when you enter your home? Do you have wonderful smelling candles burning, or perhaps a loaf of bread baking in the oven… or do you smell something offensive to your senses? What do you see? A clean, cared for home… or is it unkempt and unorganized? What do you hear? Maybe hymns, contemporary Christian music, or Christmas songs playing in the background… or do you hear harsh, unpleasant noises?

What do you feel? When you sit down on your couch, do you have a soft blanket, or maybe a homemade quilt draped nicely over the edge… or are there crumbs, pet hair, or little plastic Army men there that you’re constantly brushing away? What do you taste? Do you have goodies on hand for unexpected guests, and dinner in the oven every night for your family… or are you constantly scrambling to throw something together or running for take-out way too often?

These things either help to make a house a home, or a place to dread coming home to. Which one are you creating? I encourage you to think about these things as we continue to work on making our homes shine for the holidays!

 ______________________________

Let’s pray:

O taste and see that the Lord is good! You have blessed us with wonderful abilities to sense the world around us, Lord. Let us be ever mindful of how we can use these gifts to serve our family and friends. Be with us this week as we work to make our homes inviting, peaceful, comfortable places where we can fellowship with one another and where we would be proud to welcome You for dinner. Help each of us to remember to give You thanks before each meal, Lord. Remind us to slow down, and let there be a revival in gathering around the table to eat as a family. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Your assignment:

TODAY – Comment below to let us know if you are mindful of the five senses when cleaning and decorating your home, and what you do to make your home pleasing to the senses. Be sure to post your before & after pictures in our facebook group! Read the assignments for the week so you are prepared for what’s to come. Now let’s get cleaning! 🙂 Clean all blinds and window treatments in your living and dining rooms; clean any mirrors and picture frames you have on display… anything with glass. No sense in getting the glass cleaner out repeatedly! If you’re not sure how to clean your blinds, dust your ceiling fan, clean a microfiber couch, etc… go to our Saturdays with Shandy board on Pinterest for some awesome tips! http://pinterest.com/gchministries/saturdays-with-shandy/

Monday – Dusting day! Dust living and dining rooms from the top down: ceiling fans, ceilings & walls, baseboards, and woodwork; clean TV, electronics, and remotes; dust shelves, mantles, tables, other wood furniture, decorations, lamps, etc.

Tues – Clean all doors, doorknobs, light switches, and fingerprints/scuffmarks on walls. Get out the touch-up paint and take care of any places that need to be touched up.

Wed – Clean out and vacuum the couch and other upholstered furniture. Vacuum or sweep & mop the floors in your living and dining rooms, moving all the furniture.

Thurs – Organize! Go through any drawers, cabinets, etc. and organize your belongings, getting rid of anything you no longer need or use.

Fri – Catch up on anything you haven’t completed. If your upholstered furniture and/or carpeting needs cleaning, clean them or have them cleaned. Did you remember to clean with the five senses in mind? Maybe light a candle, or put on some soft music. Then enjoy your evening! You’ve earned it!

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We’d like to invite you to be part of our online Bible study! Click on “Sign-Up Here” at the top of the page to learn more or to register for the Women’s Bible study and be added to our facebook group!

If you have not yet accepted Jesus as your Lord & Savior and would like someone to pray with you, email Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com and someone from our Prayer Team will contact you soon.

Blessings,

Shandy

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Lady In Waiting: Ministry of Service, Writing, and Hospitality

October 11, 2012 by

This blog is brought to you

by Katie Blumberg

 

For me, the excuses began in college. I wanted to meet the perfect man, and in order for that to happen, I had to become the perfect woman. In my mind the perfect man for me would be studying to become a pastor or a youth pastor, therefore I would need to become the perfect pastor’s wife. How does one attain this high and regal status? By becoming a Biblical Studies major of course! Now don’t get me wrong, I loved studying the Word and diving through Scripture, pursuing the Lord, and learning about how to do ministry well in my every day life. I do not regret what I studied in school because it has made me the woman I am today; however, my initial intentions were not the holiest! I thought that as I waited for my future man, I would have to give up on becoming anything but a future wife of someone.

Continuing on to graduate school… Studying something that may lead to a job, rather than just a marital status… Pursuing a long-term mission’s trip to another country… Traveling to the other side of the country for a summer to work in a ministry position… Taking a fellowship in another state where I could pursue my dreams of owning a coffee shop, and be connected with other Christians who are figuring out life post-college… Joining Youth With a Mission and traveling the world spreading the good news… Moving in with my aunt in Georgia and doing ministry in her church… The list goes on and on. These are all service opportunities, dreams, and passions that I gave up as I waited for my future husband. “I’ll do that when I get married,” or “What if doing that leads me away from the man that I am supposed to be with, and I miss my opportunity with him?” were always thoughts that held me back from accepting my singleness and running towards my dreams. So here I sit, snuggling my cat in a city I feel safe in, surrounded by people I feel safe with, at a job that is safe. I only fear now that I will get married, eventually, and wonder what could have been if I had pursued the desires of my heart when I was single.

Ladies, you have all been blessed with gifts, desires, and passions. Some you may be figuring out, others you have known your entire life. Use them! Don’t wait around for your husband to arrive thinking that you will be able to pursue those things then! He is not going to make you any more able to be you than you can be RIGHT now! Have you been blessed with a servants’ heart? Find out the needs of those in your neighborhood (ministry is not confined to a four-walled building we call the church!) and help them!

Has the Lord given you the gift of encouragement? Write a letter, and email, send a text, or meet a friend for coffee and tell them how much they have blessed you. Is opening your home to friends and family exciting to you? Break out your best dishes, cook up a delicious meal and invite over everyone you know! Please don’t stuff those gifts inside thinking you’ll pull them out on a rainy day or that your husband will help you to become the woman you were meant to be.

Use this time to build relationships with amazing, godly women who will encourage and lift you up, surround you with love, keep you accountable, and push you to use those gifts for the Lord.

“It is doubtful that there could ever be a better time to serve Jesus than this “moment” of singleness. Rather than wasting precious moments fantasizing about an earthly lover, take advantage of your free hours each day to serve the Lord of Heaven. If you are frustrated and distracted, rather than fruitfully serving Jesus, then ask Him right now to adjust your vision.” (pg 33).

Take this time to let the Lord teach you who you are, what you love, and how you will be used to advance his Kingdom. Your husband is not going to tell you those things, and guess what?! I bet that amazing man will be even more attracted to you if you have spent time figuring these things out, building a strong foundation in Christ, and serving the Lord and your neighbor even without him by your side! Take the risk you have been putting off for fear of losing your chance with ‘him.’ Figure out your love language, and start loving on everyone who comes across your path!

___________________________

 Let’s Pray:

 Abba, Pappa; thank you for your grace and mercy on us. Thank you for bestowing gifts upon us to bless you and others with. Please teach us to prayerfully and thoughtfully use these gifts in the way that you intended. Give us the courage to explore our interests; teach us who we are in YOU, so that we never lose our identity, even in marriage! Instill in us a servants heart, and a desire to seek out your plan for our lives. In the name of Jesus Christ we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

What have you given up for fear that you will miss out on finding the man of your dreams? Are you waiting to start something big because you think you need a husband to help you? If so, what step are you going to take to stop sitting around bored and day-dreaming about your fantasy man, and start acting on what the Lord has given you? Let’s get started ladies!

 ___________________________

Meet Katie Blumber – Blog Contributor Singles Ministry

Katie is a recent graduate from a small Christian liberal arts school, with a degree in Biblical Studies and Human Services. She has a huge ache for deep justice in her community and city, and longs to do God’s work in her every day life.

She is a barista at a local coffee shop, where she gets to serve amazing coffee and interact with people all day long. She volunteers at her church, loves going to shows and discovering new bands, and spends time with her amazing friends any chance that she gets.

For Katie, life is all about living out Christ’s love in the community that she lives in.  She is also passionate about purity, healthy relationships, and teaching others to see themselves the way that Christ sees them.

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Winning Him Without Words: Daily Prayer Life / How Should We Pray?

October 11, 2012 by

This blog post is brought to you today

by Sarah Boyer

A Daily Prayer Life/How Should We Pray?

I can certainly relate to Lynn when she says she struggled with praying purposeful prayers.  I find that when I sit down in the evening and finally have some quiet time to myself, my mind wanders so easily. I start to pray for the people on my prayer list and I start to think of how that person is doing at that moment. Then my mind trails off to something totally unrelated. I try to get back on track, but I just can’t stay focused.

As I said in my post last week, I have changed the time of day I have my prayer time. I pray and read from the bible in the mornings now. I have found that by praying right away in the morning, my mind is free of the day’s worries because nothing has happened yet to worry or stress me out! Another benefit to praying in the morning is I am better prepared to handle anything that may come along to worry or stress me out!

Lynn also has a wonderful solution for staying focused. She suggests starting a prayer journal. She says that by writing her prayers out in long hand, it really brings her focus onto the paper and away from the distractions in the room. Another thing I think is neat is she is able to revisit her old prayers and look back on how God answered those prayers for her. Was it answered the way she wanted or did he have something else in mind for her? Usually we will find that God had his own plan to answer our prayers and it always turns out to be the best answer!

So how should we pray?

Matthew 6:6-8 reads: But when you pray, go into your private room, and closing the door, pray to your Father, Who is in secret; and your Father Who sees in secret, will reward you in the open. 7) And when you pray, do not heap up phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think they will be heard for their much speaking. 8) Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

I am guilty of trying to impress God with my prayers by adding excessive words and repeating myself over and over, making sure I thoroughly covered everything. But God already knows my needs without all my extra words and phrases. Try to pray like Matthew 6 suggests and meet with God in a quiet, private place. Then follow this simple “formula”:

  • Give God thanks for all the blessings He has given you

  • Confess all your transgressions and ask for His forgiveness

  • Ask him for your needs in a clear and simple way (pray for your husband in secret and God will answer that prayer in the open!)

  • End your prayer in love for Him

If you are having trouble finding the right words, like I do, pray from your bible. I recently bought myself an amplified bible with the concordance in the back, plus a daily devotional prayer book. I use them both to help me find exactly the right scriptures for when I need God’s help but don’t really know how to ask. I read those scriptures in first person, so as to turn them into a personal prayer. I cannot TELL you how much this has helped my prayer time. It has purpose and structure and guess what?

Praying from the bible has brought about tremendous blessings in my marriage! My husband has even noticed a significant change in me. He is the first one to point out the blessings that have come to us ever since I have started praying this way. Even though my husband is a believer, he isn’t into praying together and things like that. I wish he was! I keep thinking our marriage could really benefit from prayer time together, but he isn’t there yet and I won’t push him. We learned from earlier in this chapter, your husband’s salvation is in God’s hands, not yours.

I do believe that God is using me as an example to my husband. As I get deeper into my relationship with God and become more at peace in our circumstances, my husband does notice and hopefully soon he will want to be right by my side, praying with me. What a joyous day that will be!

_________________

Let Us Pray:

Father God, please help us to have a more purposeful prayer time with you. Help us to be focused on your word and give us wisdom to understand what your word is telling us. Help us to keep our prayers simple and to the point. Continue to make us an example for our husbands and children to follow. In your precious name I pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Below, share with us what you currently do or what you are going to do to have a more purposeful prayer time.

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us! Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple! We hope to see you soon!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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Winning Him Without Words: “It’s Safe to Relinquish Control”

October 9, 2012 by

Control.

Why do we desperately hold onto it? What are we afraid of? I will be the first to admit that I am a control freak. Since returning to Christ two years ago, God has repeatedly revealed my controlling tendencies and convicted me of them, especially in the realm of my marriage. It is not pretty. I am not sure how my husband lives with me, but I am thankful that the Lord is showing me a better way and that my husband has a measure of patience. When I took a good look in the mirror, I realized that I needed to focus on saving myself, not my husband.

So, I can relate to this whole chapter in a big way. But this section on control . . . I felt like Lynn was talking directly to me.

Even though God has been working on me, I do not have it all together. There is still that part of me that wonders… can I really, truly, 100%, no holds barred, relinquish this salvation-of-my-husband-thing to God? Some days I think I can. Other days I am not so sure. I will release it to God one day and the next day, I will take it back.

Why is it so hard?

As Lynn Donovan states on page 44:

  • I am the only believer my husband encounters on a regular basis
  • I am the one person who is actively praying for him
  • If I do not show my husband Jesus, who will?

And two of my own . . . the ones that lies in the deepest recesses of my heart. The ones that are hard to even type. What if I never get to see my husband come to faith? What if he does not get saved? If I do not become actively involved in my husband’s salvation, then who will?

Well, Lynn smacked me upside the head humbled me with her next statement:

All of this is true, yet you are underestimating the power of the Lord in your life.

Ouch!

Lord, I am so very sorry.

Why do I keep trying to BE God in my husband’s life? God is certainly capable of handling things just fine on His own, thankyouverymuch. I mean, He grabbed me without anyone bombarding me with open Bibles or Christian music. So, why am I trying to do it for someone else?

Lynn tells us that two things will happen when we finally let go of our foolish and unproductive efforts to save our men:

  1. We will discover new freedom – the pressure we feel to bring our spouse to Christ will lift. We can just enjoy our spouse for the man that he is.
  2. Our husbands’ will experience freedom – he will no longer need to feel uncomfortable or try to deflect our crazy attempts to bring him to faith. He can RELAX around us. Our faith will become LESS OF A THREAT in his eyes. It will free him to explore faith at his own pace, in his own time, at GOD’s leading.

Ladies, I am right there with you. I am scared. I can talk a good game and feel like I am living it sometimes, but other times I take it all back and try to do it on my own. It is hard to relinquish that control. But, God really does have this. He wants our husbands’ to know Him and to love Him even more than we do. Our God will never stop pursuing the lost and bringing them to Himself (read Luke 15:3-10). In fact, when we step in and try to take on God’s job, we just get in the way and make more work for God! Are you ready to put your husband’s salvation in God’s hands and truly let go and let God handle it?

*****

Let’s Pray:

Father God, in the name of our mighty Savior, Jesus Christ, I ask you to give each woman in this study a courageous strength to release their husband’s salvation into your capable hands. We know that you love our husbands’ even more than we do, Lord, and you want a deep and abiding relationship with each of them. Help us to get out of Your way and to let You do the work in our husbands’ hearts and lives. Please reveal anything in our own lives that we are doing that is causing angst or stress to our husbands’ and marriages and help us to repent of it. In your name we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Tell us why it is difficult to fully let go of your husband’s salvation and give it completely over to God.

Many blessings to you,

Jennifer

*****

Join the Winning Him Without Words Bible Study!

For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

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