“You might be wondering why it seems to always be up to you to change, to give, to love. What about him? Doesn’t he have to do anything?” — p. 61

I have to admit something to all of you.

This is the single hardest section for me in the book thus far.

Do you want me to “get real” with all of you? Here are the ugly, selfish thoughts that ran through my head while reading this section: Why do I always have to give and give without ever getting anything in return? Will I always live in this continual bout of frustration? Why won’t my husband ever see that I am hurting? Why won’t he anticipate my needs? Why do I have to cater to HIS needs while mine remain unmet? Why won’t he help me in my times of need?

Why me, why me, why me?

Ugh, I sound pathetic just writing that out. And part of me wants to go back and rewrite it so I sound better.

But they are real feelings and until I can admit them to myself (and you admit them to yourself, whatever your ugly, selfish feelings may be), we cannot conquer them with truth from God’s Word:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

My thoughts certainly are not patient nor kind. In fact, my thoughts are rather rude and self-seeking. My Life Application Study Bible has this note for these verses:

Our society confuses love and lust. Unlike lust, God’s kind of love is directed outward toward others, not inward toward ourselves. It is utterly unselfish. This kind of love goes against our natural inclinations. It is impossible to have this love unless God helps us set aside our own natural desires so that we can love and not expect anything in return. Thus, the more we become like Christ, the more  love we will show to others.

The selfish feelings we experience are normal. It is only with God’s help that we can love without expectation. God knows our every need. God knows every ache of our heart. God knows every desire of our soul. I am here to tell you, as hard as this is to grasp, God is the only one who can meet your every need. If you continue to rely on your husband to meet your every need, you will always be disappointed, because your husband is not God.

Last week we learned that we have to release the control of our husband’s salvation to God. This week, God revealed an even more important truth to me. I need to take my husband off the throne. I must ensure  that I am not making my husband the God of my life. He is not there to meet my every need, to serve my every whim. He is my helpmeet, my partner, my friend. He is only a man. As much as I would like him to be, he is not on this earth to serve me. Once God gets him, his function in life will be to serve the Lord first and foremost.

It is not about me.

This week, let us focus on learning from Jesus about true, biblical love. Let us set our desires aside and look to God for the true meaning of love. The kind of love He has for us – that no matter what we do or where we go, He still pursues us and loves us and wants to draw us to Himself. The kind of love that is patient and kind; not envious, boastful, proud, rude, self-seeking, easily angered, or keeps record of wrongs. A love that rejoices with the truth, protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

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Let’s Pray:

Lord, we come to you this day asking you to teach us about biblical love. Show us how to set aside our expectations and selfishness and to focus on loving others like you love us. Reveal to us in your personal way, through people placed in our path or through your Word, what we need to learn and what steps we need to take. Father, I also ask that you help us to take our husbands off the throne if we have made them an idol in our lives. Help us to place you firmly in that spot and to be able to show grace and compassion upon our husbands today. In Jesus name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

What is one intentional thing you can do for your husband today without expecting anything in return? (Remember, if you post it, really try to commit to not expecting your husband to give you anything in return – even a thank you! Do it out of love for God and for your husband.)

Many blessings to you,

Jennifer

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Join the Winning Him Without Words Bible Study!

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