December 23, 2024

A Daughter’s Worth: Week 8 / Day 3 – You Can Go Too Far

November 21, 2012 by

I don’t think I could even begin to count how many times I have heard the question, “How far is too far?” And if I never have to hear that question again, it’ll be too soon. With that being said, that question has come out of my mouth. I have such a problem with this question because it is basically asking how much we can get away with. And how many times have we asked or heard someone say, “…well, the Bible only says that sex itself is wrong before marriage… It doesn’t say anything about the other stuff.” WRONG-O. Ephesians 5:3 says that the Lord wants there to be “not even a HINT of sexual immorality” in our lives.

I will be the first to admit that I did not value or protect my purity when I was in my teens. Did I have sex? No. Did I make allowances for the “other stuff”? Yes. I am being honest with you girls because I do not want you to be deceived like I was! I do not want you to think, “Well, it isn’t sex so it’s okay.” This is SO not true! It is NOT okay. Here’s why… When you start to bring the physical stuff into a relationship outside of marriage it BLINDS you and prevents you from seeing the reality of your relationship. That means that you can’t even tell if you really even like this guy! Another reason it’s not okay- The world tells you that only sex forms an attachment to a man. I can tell you first hand, that is false. You also, at some point, deal with shame and guilt.

If you’re like me and have had that “How did I get here?” moment, you know how disappointed you were. Disappointed in the boy for not stepping up and protecting your purity, but more often than not, you’re disappointed in yourself. The enemy LOVES when we have messed up and are grieving over our sin. He loves to come in and make us feel so much worse. Conviction and guilt are NOT the same thing. Conviction is from the Lord. When you are convicted about sexual purity, you know that God’s Word says to stay away from sexual immorality. And if you have taken part in sexual activity, you can repent, turn away from that sin, and run to the Lord. Guilt, on the other hand, makes you hyper-aware of your sin. You sit and you wallow in self-hatred for hours on end. And forgiving yourself? Ha! Yeah right. That never happens when we allow the enemy to make us feel guilty.

So where do we go from here if we have messed up? Or how do we prevent that from ever happening? We trust that God knows what’s best for us. He knows that it is not good for our hearts for us to take part in sexual activity outside of marriage. He knows that it will only end in heartbreak. If you’re currently having sex outside of marriage, please, please, please stop. Your Father in Heaven is not One to make rules to make us miserable. The guidelines He puts in place are to protect us, because He loves us, and He wants our future marriages to be AMAZING!! Girls, you HAVE to be intentional about setting boundaries in your dating relationships. Here are my new boundaries~ I am not going to kiss another guy until the day of my wedding. I can hear your gasps all the way from over here. I just know that I do not want the enemy to have ANY stronghold over my life, and I am not about to give him any opportunity. Set your boundaries TODAY, BEFORE you get in a relationship. Write them down. Tell them to the Lord. Tell them to a friend to hold you accountable. If a boy is pressuring you to do anything physical, I HIGHLY encourage you to get out of that relationship. You deserve to date guys who HONOR your boundaries and who have made decisions and set boundaries themselves.

Let’s pray~

Lord, Thank You for setting boundaries for us! We know that those boundaries are to protect us from heartbreak. Lord, set girls FREE who are reading this- free from sexual sin, free from the lies of the enemy! Give these girls the strength to make boundaries and stick to them. Give them armor around their hearts, that they would be guarded from any deception. Thank You for Your grace when we mess up. Thank You for freedom from sin! We praise You, Lord, for the GIFT of sex… A precious thing that is a gift if kept within the context of marriage. Give us discernment to know what is right and wrong, and give us discernment to know WHO is right and wrong for us. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

~Jordan

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Our new study is A Daughter’s Worth! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information

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Lady in Waiting: Guarding the Treasure

November 8, 2012 by

Over the past two years I have been honored to stand in four different weddings of women I prayed with, laughed with, grew with, and watched fall deeply in love with the man of their dreams. I have seen relationships grow from friendship to marriage. I have been blessed to watch newlyweds and long married couples invite their first or second child into the world. I have talked my friends through the process of deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship with a man they were interested in.

Let’s be honest, I have done my fair share of relationship watching. But the one thing that I have not done is gone on a date. That’s right, I have not been on one single date in the past two years, and let me tell you something…it is not easy watching friend after friend meet the person they will spend the rest of their lives with and begin that process, while I am left single, alone, and in the dust with out even a possibility.

Why do I start this post out with what seems to be a complaint about my relationship status? Not for sympathy or a pat on the back. Not so that you set me up with some suitor or encourage me to get my feet wet. But to share with you, that I have not been out with men because I am guarding my treasure. Don’t get me wrong; it is not easy. When everyone else is happily in love and oogling over their latest romance, I do most certainly get quite lonely at times. I would love to have a fling, lock lips with a handsome male friend, or even just go on a date for fun. But I have committed myself to guarding my heart, my body, and my love.

The author writes about some practical ways to avoid making decisions that will give away your treasure too soon. Ladies, this does not just mean your virginity or your body. This sometimes even means your words and your affection. Let’s be honest with ourselves, we all love the coos and sweet words of men who desire to share some sort of intimacy with us. It makes us feel cared about, important, wanted, and maybe even loved. But we ought not give our love to every man who speaks whispers those sweet nothings into our ears. The reality of the situation is, there is a great chance that you may not end up with the most recent sweet-talker to grace your paths.

Let me be clear here: this is not a man bash. There are many great intentioned males out there who mean what they say and have actions to back it up. But while you wait for Mr. Right, please do not throw yourself at every man who says you are beautiful, unique, or special. Even if you are in the midst of a relationship that you think could be the one, you may want to go as far as asking this man not to pour out words of adornment until you are in a more committed stage of your relationship. Explain what it does to your heart. A good man will be able to prove how much he cares for you without using words. He will make you feel beautiful, unique and special by the way that he treats you. If he is using words and not backing them up with actions, please, ladies, DO NOT stick around expecting him to change! There are good men out there who will treat you like the woman of God that you are, so don’t settle for a man who does not hold himself, and you to those standards!

Best of all if you are guarding your treasure, when you meet the right man, you will not hear yourself echoing words that you once said to a former lover. You will not find yourself repeating actions that were once special with another man, but rather you will find that all of the adorable phrases and enjoyable “you-isms” will be safe for just this one man. Trust me, I know that it is difficult to watch your sisters and friends sharing these intimate moments with men left and right. It is so hard not to get sucked into wanting it for yourself, right now! However, we will all find in the end that the moments of intimacy lost on men who mean nothing will take away from the man who will mean everything. And the moments that you save will be that much more special!

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Let’s Pray

Heavenly Father, thank you for creating us with the emotions and desires that we have! Thank you for knowing exactly how we can best use those emotions and desires. Give us the patience to save our energies for the man who you have in design for us. Let us invest our hearts in you for the comfort we lack during this time of singleness, so that we are better able to love our husbands when the time comes. Please bless us in this week as we enter into a deeper intimacy with you. Amen.

Your Assignment

 Talk with some of your sisters in Christ and/or an accountability partner about what your standards should be for a man. Write down a list of ways that you can protect your purity, and your heart when you do go out with a man you are interested in. Report back with one or two ways you have been doing that in your relationships with men.

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Online Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Emotional, Relational, Spiritual

November 7, 2012 by

I honestly don’t know how to get started here. I didn’t even need to see the sections I was writing on this week before thoughts began to pour into my head, all I needed to see was the word “purity”. And it made me freeze. How can I write to women about purity when I see my past as tainted, when my purity is a thing of the past. Then I got quiet and prayed. This isn’t the first time I have had to use my past to speak to others, and yes I am no longer pure in regards to my physical state, but God has forgiven me and washed me whiter than snow. This is how I can talk about this topic. It doesn’t make it easier by any means!  The consequences of my actions are still something I deal with, but I can stop myself and pray, knowing I am forgiven, and that the lessons learned will help someone else.

I became pregnant with my daughter at 17 and had her when I was 18. I wasn’t married. I have dealt with the emotional, relational and spiritual consequence these sections speak about, I think a lot of us have.

God gave us a gift when he tied our emotions to our physical state.  It enables us to love hard.  It drives us to give our all to the one we’re with. But that gift only works the way it is designed to work when we are with the one God has chosen for us, and under the bond of marriage. It is stated more than once in this section that God wants to protect us; protect us from a broken heart, protect us from condemnation, protect us from fear, from resentment. It also lists doubt, depression, bitterness and mistrust. I remember feeling all of these after purity was no longer one of the characteristics I possessed. He wants to protect our hearts and minds from these negative emotions that sexual promiscuity will bring.

This section further defends the thought that women are complex creations. Yes ladies we are complex, we have many layers, we are hard to understand, and at times we can be complicated. This is not a bad thing. It is part of Gods security system for us. But have you ever set off an alarm by using the incorrect code and haven’t been able to turn it off? That’s what premarital sex does to us. It sets off an alarm that only God can turn off.  But instead of a screaming noise, our emotions, relationships, and spirituality are screaming.  Our internal alarm systems need the right code.

 The code of Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

 The code of Colossians 3:1-2

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above,

where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.

Whether it is one night, or a long term relationship, premarital sex negatively effects three of the most important aspects of a woman’s life. Emotional. Relational. Spiritual. We are God’s ladies in waiting. When situations present themselves that deal with the topic of purity, take a conscious step back and think of the impact it will have on these three areas.

With Love,

Tonya Ellison

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Lets Pray:

Thank you Lord for the security system you have placed within each and every one of us. Thank you for your forgiveness and redemption. Lord please touch our hearts when we are facing different situations and bring to mind how much you value our emotions, relationships and spirituality. Thank you for protecting us.

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen

Your assignment:

I listed some codes I use when I’m faced with certain situations or when Satan tries to remind me of my past.  What are some scriptures you turn to when purity is concerned?

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Online Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Lady of Purity

November 4, 2012 by

 

My beloved girlfriends, I thank God each day for giving me this opportunity to take this amazing journey with you.  What a blessing it is to study with you.  This book is so full of life changing truths.  Each chapter is rich with honesty and makes one to really look at life in a different perspective.

Our chapter for this week, Lady of Purity is no different.  My prayer is that we will allow God to open our eyes and eyes of faith so that we can receive what He has for us.

Purity is a “sensitive” subject among us Christians because of the world we live in but as children of God we are to remain pure as the bride of Christ.  But what happens when we have given away our most treasured gift?  I don’t want to preempt things.  Why don’t you join us this week as we dig deep into this chapter?

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Here is our reading assignment for Week 7

November 5:

Lady of Purity, Deadly Deception – Michelle

November 6:

Why Wait / Physical – Jackie

November 7:

Emotional, Relational / Spiritual – Tonya

November 8:

Guarding the Treasure – Katie

November 9:

What if it’s Too Late – Diane

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LET’S PRAY

Our God and our Father, thank you so much for being with us in this journey.  Lord, may you be with us this week as we deal with this subject of purity.  We want to be Ladies of Purity in each and every area of our lives and we cannot do it without your help.  Holy Spirit soften our hearts to receive what you have for us.  In Jesus Name Amen.

Be Blessed

Jackie

For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Lady of Faith – Where the Boys Are

October 15, 2012 by

I must admit that when I started thinking about writing about this chapter for this blog, I was at loss!  How do I mix Faith and Boys in the same blog?  These are two different topics altogether and I was praying that I would be able to do justice to each without leaning more on one topic and neglecting the other.

But as I re-read the chapter over and over, I realize that one cannot talk about boys without talking about faith and neither can one find a lifelong partner without faith.

Somehow I equated faith with other spiritual things and not boys or men as the case may be.  I must repent I used to be logical about this subject.  Please don’t write me off yet but give ear to what I am going to say.

“Now Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

Hebrews chapter 11 is the Faith chapter and the “Hall of Fame” for the great men and women of Faith.  When reading this chapter you are introduced to the greatest exploits that people like Noah, Abraham, Joseph, Moses and everyone else did.  They overcame the most difficult situations; they were tested and passed through storms that we can only read about.

 

I thought faith came into play when I am faced with health issues, loss, job hunting and other major issues that I could not handle on my own.  But what about when I meet a guy I like.  Isn’t it so obvious that if I am single and he is single we can get together and see how it works out?  Right? WRONG.

As a Lady of Faith, I must take to God each and every decision that affects me.  I need to involve God in everything including issues of dating, marriage, etc.  Just because this nice young man is found in church and is involved in ministry doesn’t mean he is the right one for me.  I need to speak to my Heavenly Father about him before I can get involved.

You must be saying, “But Jackie, I have been here for so long, I have moved from my small town where “there are more livestock than people”; I have even changed churches so much that I have lost count the number of times I have filled out the membership forms; this is my opportunity, this is “where the boys are” so to speak.  This is my time; at last someone who is interested in me, who gives me the attention I deserve.  I can laugh at his jokes, he says the right words to me and never for once has he commented about my weight.  He is someone that I can introduce to my friends and family without feeling embarrassed because he is well spoken and articulate”.

Well girlfriends, I met such a guy once and I can relate to someone who once wrote “dear diary, I think I found the man I am going to marry” because I practically said that myself.

I returned to church after a five year hiatus and this church is where the Christian boys in town went to.  These boys were involved in ministry; be it choir, ushering, Sunday school, youth, evangelism; you name it they were there on the fore front.  Like every young woman on fire for Christ, I got involved in ministry and no sooner had I done that than I met him.  He was everything I thought a Christian guy should be.  He was involved in various ministries and then some.  He was a young man the Pastor relied upon.  Well, we dated for close to a year and the relationship grew serious to the point of getting parents involved and engagement talks were underway.  But something happened that caused the relationship to disintegrate.  Mr.  Right bowed out when I needed him the most.  Mr. Right did not sign up for what I was going through and he had prayed about the way forward and it was to end the relationship.

Through this heart breaking situation the Lord opened my “eyes of faith” and I was able to see that I had been in this relationship for the wrong reasons.  The Lord showed me that I wanted to be part of the church so much that I thought the best way to be accepted was by marrying this guy.  The Lord knew my heart better than I knew myself.  He did this to get my attention and to show me that I was accepted by Him and that He loved me the way I was.  I needed to serve Him with the right motive.  I needed to know who I was in Him before I could get married.  I needed to fall in love with Him before I could fall in love with someone else.

For three years, I embarked on a journey of getting to know the Lord and falling in love with Him as well as doing the things He wanted me to do.  It wasn’t easy because when a guy came along I wanted to throw caution to the wind and let logic take charge, but the Lord always reminded me what I went through and I needed to continue to trust Him with this.  He knew the desires of my heart and in time He would fulfill them.  Well He did because when I stopped searching and trying to help the Lord, He brought a man whom I married.

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LET’S PRAY

Lord, I commit my sisters into your loving arms today, be with them as they trust you with this area of Faith and boys.  I know how difficult it is to surrender this issue to you but that is the only way we can avoid heartbreak.  Lord we surrender our will to you today.  Open our eyes of faith to see what you have in store for us as we wait upon you.  You know the desires of our hearts and in time you shall fulfill them.  In Jesus Name. Amen.

 

YOUR ASSIGNMENT

  1. When you meet a guy you like, what comes out first logic or faith?

  2. Read through Hebrews 11 and underline all the verbs. Then go back through and confess, “By faith I can __________,” filling in the blank with the verbs from each verse.

Is there anything you can think of that you can’t do by faith?

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If you would like to take part in this Online Bible Study and Facebook Discussion Group, please click on the “Sign-Up Here” button located at the top of our website, in the Menu Bar.  Once we receive your request, we will add you to our group!

 

Be Blessed,

Jackie

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Lady In Waiting: Dividends from High Places

October 4, 2012 by

Choices.  Doesn’t it seem like we are making choices constantly from the time we get up, until the time we go to bed?  What’s for breakfast?  What to wear? What route to take to work?  Meet that friend for dinner?  All day long we are called on to decide.  Many of these decisions are not life changers.  We don’t fall to our knees and ask God if we should have raisin toast or Cheerios.  Thankfully, most choices we make are based more on preferences than facing a real consequence.

In our book, we see a difficult life changing decision that Ruth had to make.  Should she stay with ‘her people’ or does she follow God and go with Naomi?  As we know, Ruth made the decision to follow God, and we see the blessings she received because of it.  How did God reward Ruth’s choice to follow Him rather than the “do whatever you want”, hedonistic society she came from?  He provided her with a godly husband, a son who would be King David’s grandfather and inclusion in the lineage of Jesus Christ.  Not a bad deal!

As single women in our society, we have to decide to break from the “American way” constantly.  Sometimes this is not easy.  I know personally there are times when I am tempted to take the easy way out.  Why not have a few drinks?  I will be more relaxed.  Why not watch those movies?  I’m not hurting anyone.  Why not let that guy in even though I know he isn’t the right one for me?  I’m lonely.  Why not sacrifice my purity?  Girls, I know these are not easy decisions, and these scenarios are just a few that we face.  Our friends may treat us differently when we make the right choice, we may even lose some of those friends.

We may face lonely weekend nights because we have nowhere to go.  We may be made fun of, or looked down on.  I was actually told by a male friend that I would never have the chance to get married because I won’t have premarital sex.  Now I KNOW that is not true, it isn’t God’s truth, but don’t you know that during those times when the nights are long, and hope is fleeting, the enemy uses those words.  I have wondered if maybe my friend was right, and I will never find someone because I don’t follow the way of this world.  These are the times I need to cling to Him, and His truth and have faith that that is what is real.  And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires. (2 Peter 2:4)

But why?  Why bother following His ways when the other ways seem to be so much more fun, or seem to have a better pay off.  I say to some trusted friends all the time, “I don’t understand, why do I have to be “perfect” for God to give me someone?  This Christian here is messed up, that one over there is messed up, yet God gave them someone to love them.  Why am I different?  Why not me?  Does God think I’m not good enough?  Is he punishing me?”

Girls, the reality is that God is not punishing us in our singleness, and we are definitely worth it.  He has amazing plans for us, if only we put our trust in Him.  Look what He says in Matthew 19:29: And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. Ruth received her 100 times.  She found her godly husband and all that went along with that.  Is that God’s plan for all of us?  I can’t say it is.  What I do know is that the rewards for following Him are far greater than any temporary pleasure that come of following the ways of this world.  Stay strong girls.  You are worth it!!

Let’s Pray
Father God, we ask you to give us strength.  We want to stay strong in your promises.  Some days the temptation of worldly sin seems so strong.  We don’t know if we have what we need to overcome it.  But we know that when we don’t have what we need, you supply it.  In Your strength we can conquer anything and make the choices that are best for us.  We know you have amazing plans for us. Even when we don’t know exactly what they are, we rest in the promise that they exist.  Thank you Lord for being there for us in our weakness.  In Your Name we pray. Amen.

Your Assignment
Please leave a comment below sharing your struggles with obedience.  Is it hard to resist the temptations of this world?  If you don’t struggle, what are some of the strategies you use to avoid these feelings?  How can we pray for you?

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If you are interested in joining our Singles Online Bible Study Discussion Group, please click on the “Sign-Up Here” button located at the top of our web page, and follow the instructions!  We’ll be happy to add you to our group!!!

God bless,

Michelle

 

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A Pure Heart

September 26, 2012 by

 

A Pure Heart

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

I’m sure you’ve all heard this verse, and maybe you even know the song… But what does this really mean? And how do we achieve a pure heart?

In Proverbs 4 verse 23 it says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.” When it says “heart”, I think it means to be cautious of your thoughts, words, and the things you seek after. Notice in the verse in Psalms that GOD is the one who is creating the pure heart. Apart from the Lord, we are anything but pure. But because of JESUS, we have the privilege and the opportunity to walk in a way that is pleasing to the Lord. We can walk in righteousness and purity, because we have been made righteous and pure through Jesus’ sacrifice.

This also takes some work on our part. Hear me when I say this, you do NOT have to work for Jesus’ love. You have NOTHING to earn. But it is our responsibility, as believers who have been made new, to walk in freedom from the enemy. It is our responsibility to live a life that is holy, so that people will see Jesus in our actions and will want to know Him.

Here are some things you need to think about….

The movies & television shows you watch:

  • Do they portray things that are pleasing to the Lord?
  • Or do the story lines and actions that take place in the movie reveal things that are impure?

The music you listen to:

  • Do the songs exalt the name of Jesus?
  • Do they celebrate the things He has done?
  • Or do the words of the songs reflect the things God asks us to stay away from?

The words you use:

  • Are they encouraging?
  • Or are they sarcastic and intended to hurt people?

Girls… we HAVE to be realistic here. We must take practical steps in order to FEED our spirit and STARVE our flesh.

In order for the Lord to reveal to you what it means to have a pure heart, you have to spend time with Him. I know that life is busy, especially in junior high and high school. I promise you, it will NOT kill you to wake up an hour early to spend time with Jesus. Here are some other things you can do throughout the day to spend time with our Lord and Savior:

  • Whenever you have a free minute in class, pull out your devotional book.
  • Say little prayers throughout the day.
  • Be in communication with Jesus. He LOVES to hear from you, and He LOVES to speak to you, too.
  • Find some good worship music. I listen to worship music all the time. It helps you fix your gaze on Jesus, to fix your heart on Him.
  • Get in the habit of reading your Bible every day.
  • Put notecards inside your locker with lyrics to a worship song or a Bible verse so you can be encouraged throughout the day.

The more time you spend doing things that remind your spirit to worship, and the more that you do to fix your heart on Him, the more you will see your heart beginning to transform into a pure one.

Pray with me~

Jesus, thank You for Your sacrifice. Thank You for redemption, and thank You for allowing me to have a relationship with You. I ask, Lord, that You would begin to change my heart, and that You would reveal the things in my life that I need to lay down in order to be more like You. Give me wisdom and discernment to know what You say is best for my life. I love You, and I worship You. Amen

~Jordan

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Be sure to email our lead barista, Megan, if you would like to join a small group or if you have any questions about the study or this ministry. She would love to hear from you!  Teens@girlfriendscoffeehour.com .

Our first study will start October 1st! We will be studying A Daughter’s Worth by Ava Sturgeon.

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