April 20, 2024

A Daughter’s Worth: Week 8 / Day 3 – You Can Go Too Far

November 21, 2012 by

I don’t think I could even begin to count how many times I have heard the question, “How far is too far?” And if I never have to hear that question again, it’ll be too soon. With that being said, that question has come out of my mouth. I have such a problem with this question because it is basically asking how much we can get away with. And how many times have we asked or heard someone say, “…well, the Bible only says that sex itself is wrong before marriage… It doesn’t say anything about the other stuff.” WRONG-O. Ephesians 5:3 says that the Lord wants there to be “not even a HINT of sexual immorality” in our lives.

I will be the first to admit that I did not value or protect my purity when I was in my teens. Did I have sex? No. Did I make allowances for the “other stuff”? Yes. I am being honest with you girls because I do not want you to be deceived like I was! I do not want you to think, “Well, it isn’t sex so it’s okay.” This is SO not true! It is NOT okay. Here’s why… When you start to bring the physical stuff into a relationship outside of marriage it BLINDS you and prevents you from seeing the reality of your relationship. That means that you can’t even tell if you really even like this guy! Another reason it’s not okay- The world tells you that only sex forms an attachment to a man. I can tell you first hand, that is false. You also, at some point, deal with shame and guilt.

If you’re like me and have had that “How did I get here?” moment, you know how disappointed you were. Disappointed in the boy for not stepping up and protecting your purity, but more often than not, you’re disappointed in yourself. The enemy LOVES when we have messed up and are grieving over our sin. He loves to come in and make us feel so much worse. Conviction and guilt are NOT the same thing. Conviction is from the Lord. When you are convicted about sexual purity, you know that God’s Word says to stay away from sexual immorality. And if you have taken part in sexual activity, you can repent, turn away from that sin, and run to the Lord. Guilt, on the other hand, makes you hyper-aware of your sin. You sit and you wallow in self-hatred for hours on end. And forgiving yourself? Ha! Yeah right. That never happens when we allow the enemy to make us feel guilty.

So where do we go from here if we have messed up? Or how do we prevent that from ever happening? We trust that God knows what’s best for us. He knows that it is not good for our hearts for us to take part in sexual activity outside of marriage. He knows that it will only end in heartbreak. If you’re currently having sex outside of marriage, please, please, please stop. Your Father in Heaven is not One to make rules to make us miserable. The guidelines He puts in place are to protect us, because He loves us, and He wants our future marriages to be AMAZING!! Girls, you HAVE to be intentional about setting boundaries in your dating relationships. Here are my new boundaries~ I am not going to kiss another guy until the day of my wedding. I can hear your gasps all the way from over here. I just know that I do not want the enemy to have ANY stronghold over my life, and I am not about to give him any opportunity. Set your boundaries TODAY, BEFORE you get in a relationship. Write them down. Tell them to the Lord. Tell them to a friend to hold you accountable. If a boy is pressuring you to do anything physical, I HIGHLY encourage you to get out of that relationship. You deserve to date guys who HONOR your boundaries and who have made decisions and set boundaries themselves.

Let’s pray~

Lord, Thank You for setting boundaries for us! We know that those boundaries are to protect us from heartbreak. Lord, set girls FREE who are reading this- free from sexual sin, free from the lies of the enemy! Give these girls the strength to make boundaries and stick to them. Give them armor around their hearts, that they would be guarded from any deception. Thank You for Your grace when we mess up. Thank You for freedom from sin! We praise You, Lord, for the GIFT of sex… A precious thing that is a gift if kept within the context of marriage. Give us discernment to know what is right and wrong, and give us discernment to know WHO is right and wrong for us. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

~Jordan

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

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Winning Him Without Words: Bring on the Bedroom

October 17, 2012 by
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husbands body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent, and for a time, so you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor 7:3-5
I’m just going to reiterate some of the things written in this part of our chapter:
* This verse, like Lynn says, is God’s perspective on intimacy in marriage. Intimacy is a gift from God, something that we share only with each other. Created by God for marriage.
* It is supposed to be a pleasurable thing for husband and wife.
*We need to make the effort.
Let’s face it when we got married all we wanted to do was make love, for the first few months that’s all we do! But then life gets in the way and intimacy goes on the back burner. We have children and jobs and we get tired after dealing with these things all day. This part of our marriage is important to both of us and we shouldn’t neglect it. That being said and so as not to re-write everything that was written in our study, I want to share with some practical  things with you so you can enjoy and anticipate this vital part of your marriage, making it fun as you do!
The first thing I would have you do is pray! This is important because it puts things into a biblical mindset for you and also gets your heart in the right place.
When I first got married a friend of mine, who had been married for some time, gave me this advice that someone had given her when she married. Write down all the things that attracted you to your husband when you first met and married. It may not all be physical. Just all the good qualities and things that made your heart melt at the sight of him. Then go back and read it often and especially when you know it’s been awhile and you need to be reminded. Then think on those things!
Text him at work or call and leave a message of love for him on his phone. Sometimes I leave a little sticky note in his lunch box for him to find.
Buy a new negligee once in awhile and wear it on a night when it’s least expected and surprise him. I guarantee he will be in the mood!
Make reservations at a restaurant you both like and take him out on a date. Date nights are usually planned by us; so be as creative as you can. Dress to the nines!!
A picnic in the country or at a park you like to go to, just the two of you.
Fom Christi:  There is a candle that I will suggest to you, also.  It’s a Woodwick Candle.  It actually has a wood wick, so when the wick is lit, it crackles while it burns, making it sound like a mini-fireplace!! 🙂  Use this candle, especially if you have children, as a signal to your spouse that you are interested in making love with him that night.  BOTH of you can use this candle in this way!  Light it earlier in the day, so it gives each other time to prep and get the kids taken care of, before that special time alone.
On a grander scale here are some things you can do that I have found are very nice, whether it’s your  anniversary or a special occasion or just because:
I kidnapped my husband once. A week ahead of time I made reservations for dinner and a hotel in the town where my husband works. Then I had a friend drive me to his work and drop me off at his car. I was dressed in heels and his favorite dress and smelled wonderful! I looked GOOD!! When he came out to his car and found me there he was so shocked. I took over the wheel of the car and drove us to the hotel where he showered and changed ( I had packed a bag for him). We went to dinner and just enjoyed being together and the night!!! It was great fun for both of us!
We usually go somewhere for a couple days for our anniversary every year. It usually in our home state, so we don’t go too far, staying at a B&B. We find lots of unique places and it’s something we plan together months in advance and look forward to.
We also make sure to take a weeks vacation together, just the two of us every summer. We plan ahead and make it special by doing something we individually like together for a day. He likes sports, I like shopping. So we each get to enjoy it together. I can handle it for one day and so can he.
Every five years or so we attend a marriage seminar of some sort. It refreshes you and reminds you to think of your marriage as a priority, And they usually touch on the subject of intimacy too.
Let’ face it, day to day life is sometimes boring and we can let that leak into our sex life as well. Plan ahead and think of your husband. Anticipation is the key for us. God intended for us to be intimate, and it’s a very special part of our marriage. Let’s try to keep it alive and well. God says it is good and we should enjoy it!!!
If you are interested in more Date Night / Romance ideas, and you belong to our Facebook Discussion Group, please check the Files section of your group!  There are a ton of great ideas in that section of our your group!
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Lets Pray:
God thank you for our spouses and our marriages. Help us to keep intimate with you and with each other. I pray that we would purpose to keep the intimate part of our marriage alive and well and honoring you. Remind us daily of our love for our husbands. Help us to be creative and loving in our planning for these times. Thank you lord of the gift of intimacy  with our husband. In Jesus name-Amen.
Your assignment:
I have shared a few things that I have done to keep our love alive in our marriage. What things, without giving too much detail, can you say you’ve done or are planning to do to help this part of your marriage to stay alive and well?  Maybe we can steal some of those ideas for ourselves!!!
Many Blessings,
Donna
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