November 24, 2024

Winning Him Without Words: Move from Hurt to Healing – The Seasons of Marriage

November 19, 2012 by

The four seasons (spring, summer, fall and winter)….are they different?

Let’s name some differences we notice as each season comes around:

Spring – the sun rises in the earlier hours of the morning and begins setting later in the afternoon, the days begin to get slightly warmer, spring flowers start to appear, birds start building their nests, some days are cold enough to still get snow and yet some days are warm enough to play out in the garden.

Summer – the days are warmer and longer, we have to protect our skin from the harmful sun rays by using sunscreen, the weather is drier/humid, in some areas it is so hot we can hardly breathe.

Fall – days become shorter, evenings become cooler in the evenings, leaves fall off of trees, strong winds, lot of rain, hurricane season.

Winter – the days are shorter and very cold, sometimes we wake up to find frost or ice, sometimes it rains, sometimes we have sleet and snow.

As each season approaches we experience how our world can be turned upside down, revealing something different as each one comes and goes.

This is the same with our marriages, we have seasons with it too! I love the way Lynn talked about walking thru her garden looking for hints of new growth. How her garden is a marker of sorts, how her garden is a reflection of her marriage journey.

Let’s explore our seasons of marriage and check  and see if we need to do some planting, some pruning, some weeding, spreading the necessary fertilizer so that growth (healing) can occur.

Let’s look at the beginning season of our marriage – I am gonna call this the ooey gooey romantic season – this is the season where we look at each other all the time with “that look” you know the look I am talking about, the one that says you are mine forever and as long as we are together…no matter what we do or look like our life will be perfect forever! Yep these are the early years of marriage, the years that we think we can conquer anything that comes our way, that we have this marriage thing made in the shade, however, there is something that we don’t think about this season at first but it is filled with nervousness, confusion and hurts that we don’t notice at first because we are so preoccupied with “getting married” and being in-love that we didn’t notice the other stuff that was already there.

Now we slowly move into another season of marriage – I will call this the drown or float season…kids have now come into our lives, more bills have come our way, more duties like sports activities-dance classes, stresses on kids to have the name brand clothing and all the new fan-dangled electronics, kids start driving….

Oh and now we move into the next season—kids are out on their own, maybe you have retired, you made it through everything your marriage seasons brought your way so far, you started with your marriage of 2, then onto a family of 4, now back to the 2 of you again. You now sit across the room looking at your sweet geezer and you notice the grey hairs, the wrinkled face and your mind wanders back to all the seasons of your marriage you have had up to now—and you experience how rich the soil in your garden has truly been—you are now sensing the need to have a tilling season…..

As you sit and look at your husband you begin to look down the rows(the seasons) of your marriage and how you were growing in your faith with God and you were growing your children in your faith with God and yet one row of your marriage was not growing with the same speed as the other rows were,  as a matter of fact those rows were what is called “stunted growth”.   The more you learned about Jesus the more you wanted your husband to know and learn.   You wanted to come together in this area of your marriage and bring a harvest “together”, and yet you were doing it all alone…not together like in your ooey gooey season.

You felt lonely even though you weren’t alone, because you now have God.  The old hornworms(Satan) is always waiting for this time  in our marriage so that he can destroy what God is trying to bless, and when we remain in God’s row we discover the power of growth in us and our marriage.

We push pass the lonliness the hurts we experience, we begin cultivating, pruning and reshaping what old smut face is trying to destroy.   We put new soil(God’s Word) in our souls, this is how our season of hurt to healing reveals its power in our marriage.

Our husbands may still be in the row of stunted growth because he hasn’t chosen to move over to the row where Christ is but every season of marriage we go through together is worth the wait, worth every struggle we may face, worth the day-by-day effort we put into making our marriage grow—-but getting to the day of HARVEST means we have some walking to do through our garden(our marriage) looking for signs of new growth, staying on a seek and destroy mission to weed out the worms, traveling through (the rows) the road of forgiveness…..then and only then will we see A HARVEST and survive this season.

Let’s Keep cultivating our marriages and bring home a harvest (our husband) to God…God can use us to till, to plant, to prune, to weed and to spread the fertilizer that our husbands and our marriages need!

Let’s Pray:

God I pray that you show each of us how to cultivate new soil this week in our marriage, in Your name I pray.  Amen!

Your assignment:

Share with us what your season of marriage looks like and how you will cultivate it in order to help bring home a harvest.

Love you all and Happy Thanksgiving,

Beverly

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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A Daughter’s Worth Week 7/ Day 5: Families Bless Us

November 16, 2012 by

Proverbs 17:6

Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.

Ok girls, how many of you grew up in the perfect family where everyone is always happy and smiling? Where no one is trying to put the blame on somebody else and mom and dad never exchange dirty looks or utter harsh words? I wish I could put my hand up and say that I grew up in the perfect family, but that would be a lie!

I am one of 5 children, I have 3 brothers and 1 sister. My mom has been married 3 times and all 3 husbands passed away. When my mom was 6 months pregnant with me, my dad, her 2nd husband was hit by a train. I was about 2 years old when she married again and about 4 when my baby brother was born.

I remember being extremely jealous of the new addition to our family because he had someone to call dad. But what an amazing man my step dad was. Even though he had his very own son, he still treated the 4 of us as his own. He put the 4 of through college, and when my brother was in his senior year in high school, my step dad passed away and the 4 of us stepped up and was able to pay my baby brother’s college tuition.

Things might not always be the way we want them to be, but when we think back on everything that has happened in our lives , we can see how God and our families have blessed us.

Our parents might work on our nerves at times, they might fail and dissapoint us, they might give us advice that we think we don’t need because we know it all. But just think back on who was there to hold your hand when you did not feel well, who made you cookies when that guy dumped you, or who paid for that outfit that you really, really wanted. We might not always agree with everything they say and do, but our families are a blessing.

Be blessed!

Edwina

Let us pray:

Father God, today we want to thank you for our families. Although we do not always get along, we want to thank you for each one of them. I pray that in tough situations we will come to You, knowing that You know best and will guide us in the right direction. Amen.

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Our new study is A Daughter’s Worth! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information

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Lady In Waiting: Quitting the Hunt

November 16, 2012 by

Do you absolutely love this book yet??  I love it even more the second time around!  There is just page after page of truth, encouragement, and love.  The words I have searched for…there they are written on the page so matter of fact-ly.  With Jesus first and my boyfriend second, I will have lasting peace and security.  I absolutely love the wisdom behind each one of Debby’s words.  You may think this quote does not work for you because you do not have a boyfriend so there is no possible way you can be putting a boyfriend first before God, you are all good.  That is so WRONG!  For me, I do not have a boyfriend, but I can so easily see how I put the hunt for my boyfriend and eventually husband way above Jesus.

When we do this it may seem harmless, or impossible to stop.  There is something so important about truly putting God first: you receive his lasting peace and security.  Maybe if we have been feeling insecure lately, we can look at where we are finding our security.  Chasing after men will never lead to security or peace.  Those gifts from above are only available when we surrender the hunt to God and start chasing after all HE has for us!

Reading through Debby’s journal entries I felt quite convicted.  I have so gotten to that point in my life where all I could do was pick up the pieces of my broken heart and hand them over piece by piece to My Perfect Healer.  I too, have asked Jesus to keep my heart safe, guard it, keep the key, and give it to only the one who He has for me.  I made a pact with God that I would seek HIM first and when a man came along I would pray to Him alone to see if this would be the man to hold the key to my heart one day.  I was doing so well with this until I was about to turn 24.

The closer and closer it got to my 24th birthday the further and further I got away from that perfect security God had given me.  I wanted to be married by the time I was 25…there was no way now that this was going to happen because I am single at 24.  We all have our ideal futures, don’t we?  Please, tell me I am not the only one that had an idea of how they were going to meet their husband, how they were going to start dating, how he would propose, how they would be happy and married one day: sooner rather than later.    Has your ideal future ever come true?  I am here to tell you, unless your ideal future is completely in line with God’s future for you; it is never coming true.  You can stop wishing and hoping for something so miniscule compared to what God has for you: THE BEST YOU NEED.

Just so happens instead of a man, this study came into my life right after my 24th birthday.  This study has truly helped me through a struggle: a struggle of putting the hunt for my non-existent boyfriend over God.  This study was what I needed and what you need and God knew that!

This study is instrumental in keeping my focus on God and not on my husband.  It has helped me seek God more often.  It has helped me to find support from other ladies that are struggling with the same exact thing as me.  It has brought me closer to God.  It has made me realize that my ideal future is NOTHING compared to the ACTUAL future God has for me.  I am on a mission to embrace HIS future.  Where is your mission leading you: to YOUR ACTUAL ALMIGHTY GOD or to your ideal man you thought of one lonely night?

I want you to understand something as I write this to you ladies.  The reason I feel convicted is because I may have given God my heart, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t tried to get it back from Him on several occasions.  It does not mean I do not struggle with being single and 24!!!  There is one image I see daily that almost always is a struggle to see.  A man and a woman holding hands walking together, sometimes her head is rested on his shoulder, but it doesn’t have to be just the hands in one gets me.  You see I have always wanted to hold hands with a man-my man.  When I see others doing what I want so badly to do I instantly think, “Lord, why can’t I have a man holding my hand as I walk down the street?  I am learning that I can have that man but I can also have the man God has for me.  I am waiting oh so patiently for the man who will one day be holding my hand in one and the key to my heart in the other.  As a lady in waiting I pray that YOU do the same.

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Let us Pray:  Lord, thank you that you give us so many blessings on a daily basis.  Thank you for your blessing of security that we find in you alone.  I pray that each and every one of us will be able to put down the ideal man and chase after receiving your many blessings.  I pray that we are able to support each other along our journey.  I thank you and praise you for bringing this group together.  I pray that you help all of us to be patient, waiting for your perfect timing in our lives.  We love you so incredibly much, Amen!

Your Assignment:  Please share with us-What is ONE THING you have learned/ gained from this study thus far?  What is the ONE thing that you see from couples that you struggle with on your journey as a lady in waiting?  In your quiet time-Pray to God, be honest with Him.  If you are ready give Him your heart.  If you are ready make a pact with Him about what you are going to do or not do to make sure God is put first, always.

Much love to you ladies,

Diane

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For the “Lady In Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Motive Check

November 15, 2012 by

“The less I give, the more I get back.” Anyone ever heard the song Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars? The male and female vocalists express their misinterpretations of the others’ love. In this line the male slyly remarks on how his lack of giving actually causes the woman to give more. Ever felt that way? At times I feel that I give my whole heart, energy, and attention to the men in my life and receive little in return. Even worse, I have come to expect that I will not receive back what I put into relationships with men. Before this begins to target men as the issue and we all get up in arms about how rude they are to act that way, let’s look at the words that I used here. First of all I used ‘men”, and not ‘a man’ – I have put my time and energy into men who I am not invested in a serious relationship with, hoping that they would give me something in return. Secondly, I used ‘men’, and not ‘my friends.’ If my purpose in helping, giving, and supporting is to get the attention of men and get something in return, then I am doing it with the wrong motives.

In any service, one’s entire focus ought to be to bless the other person without the expectation of receiving anything back. This goes for relationships with men and women alike. Now if all you are looking for in helping that male friend clean up his house, do his laundry, or pick out something to wear to an interview is a date request, a snuggle session, or a kiss goodnight, check your motives. This is especially difficult for me because ‘acts of service’ is most certainly my love language. I enjoy nothing more than helping out a friend in need, but I must always ask myself why I desire to help this person out.

I love the idea of taking care of a man. I want to be a wife to, to comfort, to encourage, to support a man. Even though I am single, I still have this desire, so when a male friend that I care about is hurting, is in need, is frustrated, or needs my help, I want to jump in and take care of him right away. I do not think that this is a necessary evil. I think that there are very healthy ways to exercise our sexuality outside of marriage, and figuring out what that means for you is important. However, I do think we need to check our hearts and our motives in making these choices. If you are ignoring and denying friends help who have “nothing to offer” in the way of a romantic relationship, but pouring out tons of love and attention on the men in your life who may be possibilities, this ought to be a red flag.

Our good deeds, our help, our love and attention, should not be done in order to receive something back or with selfish motives. All kinds of caring should be for the benefit of the other person, not your own benefit. Don’t let yourself become a person who gives with selfish motives and then pitches a fit when all you get is a sweet ‘thank you’ or a hug in return. Many men will most certainly appreciate your generosity, but any act of service is much more appreciated without strings and ties attached. If you are unsure of your motives, ask yourself the last time you went that far out of your way to help out a girlfriend in need. Ask yourself the last time you turned down the opportunity to help out a guy, in order to instead help out your sister.

Now, with your heart in check, go, do good deeds, love on everyone who crosses your path, and don’t plot out how you can win a man’s heart by giving him all of yours before he has even earned it.

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Let’s Pray:

Heavenly Father, thank you for creating us with a desire to give, to help, and to love. Thank you for giving us relationships with men and women who we can bless with those gifts! Give us the wisdom to check our motives, analyze our intentions, and act in an upright way. Teach us to be servants to all people in our lives, without expecting anything in return. Teach us to love others the way you love them.

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Your Assignment:

What are ways that you have blessed someone by helping them out this week? Can you say that your motives were pure? Tell us ways that you have helped out your friends. Compassion? Patience? A listening ear? Help with a move? Find a way to bless a sister in Christ, or a brother that you have no intentions of having a relationship with. No strings attached. Report back when you do!!

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Filed Under: Singles Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A Daughter’s Worth: Week 7 / Day 3 – Parents Make Mistakes

November 14, 2012 by

“For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23. Yep, this means our parents, too. Most of you teens are still at the age where your parents provide clothes, food, a house, etc. for you. This is part of their calling, but I think we place them on a pedestal because of it.

 

We have to remember that they are human, too. They were once children, dependent on their parents. This means that they may forget some things. It means they may not always react to your behavior in a kind way. It means you will not always see eye to eye. Parents make mistakes. You make mistakes, too.

 

How would it make you feel if your parents didn’t forgive you after you messed up? Your parents probably feel the same way when you don’t forgive them. Showing them grace, understanding that they are human, honoring their decisions will change your relationship with them.

 

Let’s pray-

Lord, thank You for our parents! Forgive us, Lord, when we do not show them the grace You have shown us. Remind us that they are human. Remind us that they are becoming more like You every day. Give us a pure heart that loves them unconditionally. Amen

 

~Jordan

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Our new study is A Daughter’s Worth! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information

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Winning Him Without Words: Let’s Have a Word

November 14, 2012 by

The tongue can bring death or life;

those who love to talk will reap consequences.

Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

The verse for today really intrigued me, so I looked it up in the NAS version of the Bible. It sent me to two other verses:

Matthew 12:37  “For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” and also Proverbs 13:3  “The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; the one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin”.

They are all equally a warning to us. The truth is we must speak our words carefully. Not only for ourselves, but also for the ones we love. We have the ability to tear down or build up those whom we love on a daily basis. I know this for a fact, as I grew up in a house where there wasn’t a lot of building up.

In my home, as we grew up, there weren’t a lot of positive, encouraging words spoken. In fact, most of what we heard was very destructive to my life. I suffered self-esteem issues as a teenager and even into adult years. I never trusted anyone to really love me for myself until I met Jesus. When I met the Lord, I never knew anyone could love me unconditionally.  He had a lot to teach me!  But, as a result of my home life, I also suffered from depression and thoughts of suicide during the tumultuous teen years.

I also met my husband at a young age, too. Between him and God, I learned what real love was. Ronald seemed to genuinely love me through all of it. He was a rock for me and proved it over and over with words of love and encouragement whenever he could.  He made me feel I was worth something.  I didn’t always receive them; in fact I doubted them a lot!  But he meant every word he said!  He stuck with me through that time and is still here 35 years later!!

I also read a lot of scripture then and tried to focus on that.  I know that we really need to realize when, how, and what we speak because words touch us in ways that can be good or bad.  Things we say in anger can really hurt our husbands and loved ones.  I am a testament to that. Our relationships are shaped and nurtured through our words.

My son, who has gone through alcohol and drug abuse when he was a teen, said that had we not told him every day that we loved him and were praying for him daily during that time, he would not be here. We spoke life and healing words to his soul as often as we could, and I believe I still have my son because of those words.  That is how God speaks to us.

What words does the Father say to us that we can hang onto and speak to our spouses?

*Jeremiah 29:11 Tells us that He knows us and has a plan for our lives!

*1Peter 5:7  Tells us to cast our cares on Him for he cares for us affectionately and watches over us.

*Romans 5:8 Tells us that even when we still in sin God loved us and Christ died for us.

* Psalms 62:8 Says trust in Him and we can pour out our hearts to Him because he is our refuge.

* Psalm 147:3 Says He heals the broken hearted and binds up our wounds.

* Psalm 103:8 God is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

*Psalm 103:13 Says God shows us compassion just as a father would.

These are words form our loving God and Father! He speaks life and love to us throughout His word. Can we be any different? Unfortunately I am sometimes.  Matthew 12:36 says that “we will give an account on the day of judgement for every careless word we have spoken”.   That should give us pause to think before we speak.

I try, and often fail, to speak words of life and love to my husband everyday. I even text him throughout the day to let him know I’m praying for him. It’s an easy thing to do, so why don’t I do it all the time? Ladies can we purpose today to be more like our heavenly Father and speak life words to our husbands? It benefits him as well as us. It shows him you love him and are concerned for him.  It builds him up and in turn you are built up, as well.  That can only benefit your marriage if you build one another up.  And it gets easier the more you do it!

Like Lynn, I want my words to speak life and healing.  How about you?

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Let’s pray:

Lord we thank You for the gift of words. We thank You that You love us through Your word. Help us to always speak life and healing to our husbands and shut our mouths when we are tempted to tear them down. Give us the right words at the right time to say. Thank You for being our example of what words can do. In Jesus name-Amen

Your Assignment:

I’ve already texted my husband and told him how much I appreciate his working hard and for the provision for our family. I know that is important to him.  What life words can you speak specifically to your husband, whether in a text, phone call, note, or even right to him, that will build him up and make his day? Comment below and show us how we can do the same.

I pray you all will have a life building day!

Donna

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady In Waiting: Believing a Lie / Secure Love

November 13, 2012 by

Oh I have been there.  You know that place.  The place where you tie your self worth to a man, or whether or not you have a man?  Truth be told I still reside there some days.  My big issue, since I was young, is that I am never good “enough”.  So the fact that after 41 years I am still alone, it just makes me think that those people in my life when I was younger were absolutely right.  I’m not good enough and I’ll never be good enough for anyone to love me and want to tell the world they want to be with me for the rest of their life.  It’s not always easy.  But ladies, this is not where He wants us.  He wants us to be secure in His love.  What more should we need?

Part of today’s reading assignment brought up issues we have all discussed earlier in the book: Once we put our trust in God to bring us the man He has chosen for us, how much pursuit do we engage in?  The authors clearly tell us that we shouldn’t pursue a man.  The question that raised for me is “Well, what does that mean?  Should we just sit back and wait for this man to knock on our door?”  I don’t know if that is the answer.  I don’t think relentlessly going after someone, repeatedly, without much reciprocation is the answer either.  Isn’t there a happy medium?  I believe we can make ourselves available to possibilities without turning ourselves into a servant or doormat to the object of our interest.  I believe the keys are to pray about our intentions.  Are our motives pure, or are we doing what we are doing to snag a husband.  Seek His guidance in the decisions you make regarding him.  We can never go wrong when the focus is on Jesus rather than the potential mate.

The other thing we need to look at is why we are striving for this man we pray God has for us so strongly.  What is it we are looking for from him?  Acceptance, because we don’t accept ourselves?  Love, because we don’t love ourselves?  Security, because we are full of fear?  Worth, because we don’t feel worthy?  Well great news!  Until we heal, and accept and love ourselves with a sense of security and self worth we deserve, we have someone who already does all that for us!  Our Father loves us so much girls!  He accepts us, he knows we are worthy, and HE should be the one we seek out for security.  No man, not even a husband, can fill the need you have for secure love.

As I type this I feel so strongly about the words I am giving you.  I know a big part of the reason is because I need to hear this myself.  I need to remember it, I need to believe it, and I need to live it.  You are not alone ladies!  I struggle with never being good enough, but you know what, if my Abba Father says I am, who am I to go against Him?  Am I accepted?  My Father says I am.  Am I secure?  My Father says I am.  Am I worthy?  My Father says I am.  Am I loved?  My Father says I am.  And so are you.

LETS PRAY

Father, reach out to every woman reading these words.  Thank you for loving us unconditionally.  Thank you for never making us work for it.  We know that You are our security.  You give us what any ordinary man can not.  A love that is pure and never ending.  Bless all of us with your peace today and take the burden of matchmaking off our shoulders.  We trust in you, and thank you for forgiving us when we sometimes forget that.  In Your Holy Name I pray.  Amen.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT

Please share your thoughts on the balance between letting God do His thing while bringing a man to you, and putting yourself out there so that man can have the opportunity to get to know you.   Is it cut and dry, do one or the other, or do you have a strategy that satisfies both sides of the situation?

In Him,

Michelle

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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A Daughter’s Worth: Week 7 / Day 2 – Children Must Obey

November 13, 2012 by

I have to admit something.  I was born with a rebellious spirit.  Really, I was…and…it didn’t go away just because I got older.  I am the firstborn.  I have two younger brothers…and I wanted a sister or nothing at all.  They could have those boys back!!!  I never let my parents, or my brothers forget that I wanted a sister.  It didn’t matter.  It didn’t matter how much I whined or complained or made everyone miserable, I still had brothers.  (sigh)  Mom said, “Go help your brother” and you KNOW what was going on in my mind.  (No need to put those words here)  You know what they were.  If they broke something, I got in trouble.  If they cried, I got yelled at.  Can you believe I still remember that stuff?  It really doesn’t matter anymore.  We are all grown-ups with families of our own.  But still, Mom said help and I helped.

I had times that I didn’t want to do the chore list that my mom and dad left for me to do, especially in the summer.  Why didn’t I get to be lazy in the summer?  I just got out of school and now I have a massive chore list.  I got old enough to get my permit and then driver’s license.  I couldn’t wait to get a car and a job and, and FREEDOM.  Somehow things never worked out the way I planned.  I was 18 before I got that job and I shared my mom’s car.  I was 21 before I had a car of my own with all the bills that go with it.  Hmmm.  Why wasn’t my life working out like I thought it should?  Why were my parents putting all these restrictions on my FREEDOM?

Hebrews 12:11 says, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

I looked up the definition of DISCIPLINE and it says this:  discipline n. Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.

So, my parents wanted me to grow up with a specific character that reflected good moral and mental behaviors????  Who’d a thunk it???  When I began thinking about raising my own daughters, I wanted to go even one step further and make sure they knew from Day 1 what and why I wanted them to do the things I asked them to do.  I wanted to be the kind of mom they could look up to.  A mom they could talk to and ask questions of.  I wanted to always point them back to God and the Scriptures.

My favorite guide for raising my daughters is found in Deuteronomy 6:7-9.  It says, “Repeat them (laws, traditions, scriptures) again and again to your children.  Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.  8 Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. 9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”  There is no question that my girls (or their friends) can’t ask me.  I will answer every question as honestly and biblically as I possibly can.

So I tried to do everything RIGHT with my girls.  I tried to answer all their questions; even the hard ones.  I took them to church, taught them to serve and then one day my oldest daughter went off to college.  We sent her off to discover life for herself, with godly discipline and character behind her.  And then…we were disappointed.  There is a reason Solomon tells us in Proverbs 22:6 to “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”  Even though I had taught my daughter the best way I knew how, she had to learn life lessons on her own.  I had to love her enough to let her learn the hard way.  I asked her if she would like to share some things she learned during that time in her life.  Her name is Michele and she will be 23 in December.  Here is what she had to share with you guys:

I think I was a little different than most teenagers.  Starting at 13, I understood my parents reasoning behind the rules, and that probably saved my life.  Most teens go through a phase where they feel like their parents don’t know anything about the teenager’s life and what they’re going through, so they must not know what they’re talking about.  As a result, they’ll stray a bit and rebel against their parents rules, maybe go to church less often or not at all.  My time of rebellion was once I graduated high school and moved away to college.  Because I was insistent on doing my own thing and thinking I knew best, God was not at the top of my priority list.  I hardly ever thought about Him or asked his opinion.  When my parents asked if I was going to church on the weekends, my excuse was “I don’t have time.”  Of course I didn’t have time, because I didn’t make time.  You make time for things that are important to you.

Ok, so about obeying your parents…you obey because God has commanded you to.  In fact, the first commandment in the bible with a promise attached to it is Exodus 20:12.  “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”  Sounds to me like that’s kind of important.

If your parents are Christians, you obey them knowing they are striving to teach you what is right and want the best for you.  No parent is perfect, just like no teenager is perfect.  The way to deal with that is to LOVE.  This is my biggest thing lately.  Love your parents enough to see their intentions and forgive them when they make the wrong choice in how to deal with something.

If your parents are not Christians, there is always a chance that the way they are leading is not in line with God’s law.  What do you do then?  Just blow them off and have a bad attitude, treating them like they’re stupid?  NO!  According to Romans 13:1, everyone must submit to authority.  In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus says your first priority/responsibility is to love God with everything in you.  So, God’s commands are MOST important.  And the second is to love others as yourself (or as God loves you).  The key to obeying the rules, laws, and commandments is to Love God and Love People.

If your parents are asking you to do something you believe is wrong, you still must respect and honor them, but you CAN tell them how you feel.  If you are following God and respectfully informing your parents that you do not agree and don’t feel comfortable doing what they have asked.  If you are in line with the Bible, then you have fulfilled your responsibilities.  But you must ALWAYS respect authority.

<3 Michele Bolme<3

ALL I CAN SAY IS WOW!!!  So when Solomon said that if I taught my daughter right, gave her discipline and showed her how to live like Jesus, then one day when she walked away to do her own thing, she WOULD return to God because she LOVES HIM.  I am one thankful Mom.  Now only 7 more daughters to go. (sigh, sigh and sigh some more)

Much love to you all……………………  Mama T

Pray with Me:

Heavenly Father, we know you love us and that you discipline us because you love us.  We thank you for loving us enough to give us parents who want us to grow up with a good character and a love for YOU and for other people.  Please forgive us when we get distracted and don’t put you first.  Keep loving us until we come back to you.  Father, I pray for each heart reading this blog today.  Make their hearts soft and ready to serve you.  We love you Abba, Father.  Amen

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Our new study is A Daughter’s Worth! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information

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Lady In Waiting: Lady of Security (Reading Assignment)

November 11, 2012 by

 

Happy Sunday ladies!  After tacking the tough topic of purity last week, I hope you are ready to look inward and see where your security comes from.  I truly pray that this study is blessing each and every one of you.  I know for me, it isn’t always easy, but it is definitely beneficial.  We are perfectly imperfect and as long as we continue to seek Him, we will grow in Him each and every day.

Here are the reading assignments for the week:

November 12: Lady of Security Feelings of Insecurity – Jackie


November 13: Believing a Lie / Secure Love – Michelle


November 14: Manipulation and Maneuvering – Tonya


November 15: Quitting the Hunt – Katie


November 16: Motive Check – Diane

LET’S PRAY

ABBA Father, I ask for your blessing upon each and every woman in this study.  You know their hearts even better than they do.  Through this study, through this book, and especially through your Word speak to them.  Give them what they need to hear and give them the clarity to recognize it even when it isn’t easy.

In Him,

Michelle

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Guarding the Treasure

November 8, 2012 by

Over the past two years I have been honored to stand in four different weddings of women I prayed with, laughed with, grew with, and watched fall deeply in love with the man of their dreams. I have seen relationships grow from friendship to marriage. I have been blessed to watch newlyweds and long married couples invite their first or second child into the world. I have talked my friends through the process of deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship with a man they were interested in.

Let’s be honest, I have done my fair share of relationship watching. But the one thing that I have not done is gone on a date. That’s right, I have not been on one single date in the past two years, and let me tell you something…it is not easy watching friend after friend meet the person they will spend the rest of their lives with and begin that process, while I am left single, alone, and in the dust with out even a possibility.

Why do I start this post out with what seems to be a complaint about my relationship status? Not for sympathy or a pat on the back. Not so that you set me up with some suitor or encourage me to get my feet wet. But to share with you, that I have not been out with men because I am guarding my treasure. Don’t get me wrong; it is not easy. When everyone else is happily in love and oogling over their latest romance, I do most certainly get quite lonely at times. I would love to have a fling, lock lips with a handsome male friend, or even just go on a date for fun. But I have committed myself to guarding my heart, my body, and my love.

The author writes about some practical ways to avoid making decisions that will give away your treasure too soon. Ladies, this does not just mean your virginity or your body. This sometimes even means your words and your affection. Let’s be honest with ourselves, we all love the coos and sweet words of men who desire to share some sort of intimacy with us. It makes us feel cared about, important, wanted, and maybe even loved. But we ought not give our love to every man who speaks whispers those sweet nothings into our ears. The reality of the situation is, there is a great chance that you may not end up with the most recent sweet-talker to grace your paths.

Let me be clear here: this is not a man bash. There are many great intentioned males out there who mean what they say and have actions to back it up. But while you wait for Mr. Right, please do not throw yourself at every man who says you are beautiful, unique, or special. Even if you are in the midst of a relationship that you think could be the one, you may want to go as far as asking this man not to pour out words of adornment until you are in a more committed stage of your relationship. Explain what it does to your heart. A good man will be able to prove how much he cares for you without using words. He will make you feel beautiful, unique and special by the way that he treats you. If he is using words and not backing them up with actions, please, ladies, DO NOT stick around expecting him to change! There are good men out there who will treat you like the woman of God that you are, so don’t settle for a man who does not hold himself, and you to those standards!

Best of all if you are guarding your treasure, when you meet the right man, you will not hear yourself echoing words that you once said to a former lover. You will not find yourself repeating actions that were once special with another man, but rather you will find that all of the adorable phrases and enjoyable “you-isms” will be safe for just this one man. Trust me, I know that it is difficult to watch your sisters and friends sharing these intimate moments with men left and right. It is so hard not to get sucked into wanting it for yourself, right now! However, we will all find in the end that the moments of intimacy lost on men who mean nothing will take away from the man who will mean everything. And the moments that you save will be that much more special!

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Let’s Pray

Heavenly Father, thank you for creating us with the emotions and desires that we have! Thank you for knowing exactly how we can best use those emotions and desires. Give us the patience to save our energies for the man who you have in design for us. Let us invest our hearts in you for the comfort we lack during this time of singleness, so that we are better able to love our husbands when the time comes. Please bless us in this week as we enter into a deeper intimacy with you. Amen.

Your Assignment

 Talk with some of your sisters in Christ and/or an accountability partner about what your standards should be for a man. Write down a list of ways that you can protect your purity, and your heart when you do go out with a man you are interested in. Report back with one or two ways you have been doing that in your relationships with men.

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Online Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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