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Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Getting Past the Hurt

May 3, 2013 by

GL header

My sweet Megan!

I have a friend who used me in hopes to gain something better for her daughter through a sport they are both involved in. After realizing that I was not able to offer any more than what she was already receiving, she got angry at me and started speaking badly of me. I am hurt, #1 because she was just using me and had not intention of actually being a friend #2 because of the negative things she has been speaking about me. I want to forgive and move on, but am struggling with complete forgiveness. How do I move on? I need some life coaching!! I need to know what a woman of God would do to resolve & get passed this issue!!
~S

My dear S,

It sounds as if rejection is at the root of this issue and I believe that once you deal with that rejection by healing the wound in your heart, you will be able to move forward.

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

All of us are created with three God-given inner needs: for love, significance, and security. Because people fail people, it is essential not to let other people define who you are. Realize that rejection can easily skew your view! Now I realize that there was more to your hurt than the initial rejection of thinking she was a true friend but finding out she was using you…. but please stay with me through this discussion because I believe it will help to talk about rejection as a whole and I promise to bring it together for you at the end! 🙂

Deuteronomy 31:8

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

How do you accept yourself when others reject you?

1. Focus on the facts, not feelings.

First off, you must admit the rejection of the past and acknowledge its pain. Ask God to bring to mind every rejection from your childhood to the present, and then consider the circumstances of each situation. {Yes, we bring past hurts to present situations}. Then, acknowledge the wide range of feelings of rejection you experienced with each past event. Release to God the pain AND the person(s) involved. Ask God to heal the physical, emotional, and spiritual damage caused by each of these painful experiences of rejection.

Lamentations 3:19

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitternessand the gall.

2. Claim God’s acceptance and unconditional love

Confess God’s love for you and all the ways He has shown you His love {like Christ dying for you}. Cite Psalms 139:1-18 and praise God for your life and His divine creation and plan for it. Convey your appreciation to God for His love of you by loving Him with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love others as He loves you.

3. Choose to forgive those who rejected you

Consider all the hurt and anger you feel over your rejection. Realize the cost of withholding forgiveness {a bitter spirit building up inside you, which will cause trouble and spread to those around you}. Commit to forgiving those who rejected you just as Christ forgave those who rejected Him (including you). Write down their names, their offenses, and the pain caused you. Then release each person, offense, and pain into the loving hands of God.

Colossians 3:13

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

4. Expect future rejection as natural in a fallen world

Empty yourself of the pride that drives your desire to be accepted by everyone. Since gaining everyone’s approval is impossible, commit yourself to pleasing God. Empathize with others who feel rejected by friends, family, employers, business associates, or anyone else important to them. Embrace the truth that as a believer, you will experience rejection, just as Jesus did. You are not exempt from being rejected in daily life.

1 Peter 4:12

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you,

as though something strange were happening to you.

5. Secure Scripture in your mind to produce new thought patterns

Purpose to renew your mind by selecting meaningful scriptures to read. meditate on, and commit to memory. Plan a specific time each day to read God’s Word and pray. Partner with someone who will hold you accountable for applying God’s truth to your heart.

Romans 12:2

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is— his good, pleasing and perfect will.

6. Thank God for what you have learned through your rejection

  • “Thank you, Lord, for using my pain to make me more dependent on you.”
  • “Thank you, Lord, for using my pain to make me less dependent on people.”
  • “Thank you, Lord, for using my pain to make me more dependent on Your Word.”

Psalm 119:71

 It was good for me to be afflicted
 so that I might learn your decrees.

7. Encourage others as an expression of Christ’s love.

Give compassion to those who are hurting as someone who has been hurt. Lift them in prayer, faithfully praying for them and with them. Ease emotional wounds by embracing those in pain and encouraging them to talk.

Hebrews 3:13

 Encourage one another daily

8. Draw on the power of Christ’s life within you

  • “I will see Christ as my security whenever I feel insecure.”
  • “I know that I have all I need, for Jesus will meet all my needs.”
  • “I will daily set aside my selfish desires in favor of His desires, saying ‘Not my will, but Yours, be done.'”

Philippians 4:13

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

While rejection is real and it hurts, we need to make sure that we are keeping our feelings in check as they can be so deceptive. We need to be careful not to take on someone else’s issue as our own and through forgiveness and loving as Christ loves, we free ourselves from hanging on to the yuck that keeps us from moving forward in such circumstances. No it is not easy, but it IS possible as God calls us to this in His Word. Seeking God through such trials and letting Him soothe your deep wounds is the only way to live free and get past the hurt. I pray this guides you though healing and is a blessing to you <3

Lord, give us Your unfailing compassion as we walk through tough relationships and help heal all the places we are hurting. We yearn to not stay stuck, but to get past out hurt and break free for good. Thank You for the guidance we find in Your Word. May You get all the glory as our hearts and relationships are restored, Lord! In Your Son’s matchless name we pray, Amen <3

Blessings,

Coach Megan 🙂

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Life’s Healing Choices: Chapter 6 – Make the Choice (pgs 182-186)

February 14, 2013 by

MAKE THE CHOICE: Repairing Relationships


“Today is a new day. Starting today, you can refocus your life on doing God’s will in your relationships” (Baker, 180)

I think we would all agree with John Baker’s assessment that broken relationships are the root of much of the pain we experience. The action steps this week allow us to move towards forgiving those who hurt us, and making amends with those we’ve hurt. Let’s explore how we can live unashamed, forgetting our troubles, full of hope and blessed (Job 11:13-10)

WRITE –
Throughout this study, we’ve taken a lot of time to write about our experiences, our actions, and our pain. I believe that writing gives us the opportunity to clearly see the thoughts that run through our minds, but by using both the thinking & writing tasks, it becomes more real to us. We take an active approach to the thoughts. We see it in black & white (or purple & white if you were to see my journal), and it’s no longer something hidden in the back corners of our lives.

Start out this week’s exercise by writing down a list of people who have harmed you in some way, and their relationship to you. Now, I’m not talking about the guy who cut you off on the road. It’s not the petty little stuff we’re dealing with here. Go back to your inventory lists from Chapter 4 if necessary. We are creating our Forgiveness List.

Once you have the list of people, or maybe just one person, describe what they said or did to hurt you. How did it make you feel? Dig deep and find the descriptive words for your feelings, don’t just say “angry” or “hurt”. Do you struggle with finding words to describe how you feel? You’re not alone! I know in counseling sessions, we were given charts & lists to help us as a family learn to communicate our feelings more clearly with one another. I found these links that might be helpful if you struggle in expressing words for your emotions:

http://www.professional-counselling.com/list-of-human-emotions.html

http://www.ami-tx.com/Portals/3/EmotionsFlyer.pdf (this is great picture chart for children!)

Now, let’s move to the Amends List. Write down names of those you’ve hurt or offended, and their relationship to you. As we did with the previous list, write down what you said or did to this person. How do you think this person felt? Why are you sorry for hurting this person? Do you stop to think about how your words or actions affect another person? So often we can point out every little offense of other people, but we dismiss what we did as nothing.

Baker gives a list of questions (p. 184) to help jump start your thinking if you’re struggling to think of those you have hurt:

  • Is there anyone to whom you owe a debt that you haven’t repaid?
  • Is there anyone you’ve broken a promise to?
  • Is there anyone you are guilty of controlling or manipulating?
  • Is there anyone you are overly possessive of?
  • Is there anyone you are hypercritical of?
  • Have you been verbally, emotionally or physically abusive to anyone?
  • Is there anyone you have not appreciated or paid attention to?
  • Is there anyone you have been unfaithful to?
  • Have you ever lied to anyone?

SHARE –
Our accountability partners will be crucial in this process. We do not want to run to someone who hurt us and put ourselves in a vulnerable position where we can be hurt again. In some instances, we will not actually face (or contact) the person we are forgiving because the risk of further harm is too great. Your accountability partner is there to talk with you, serve as a sounding board, and help guide your steps. Share your Forgiveness List with this person BEFORE you go to the one you are forgiving.

Heb10_24

Also share your Amends List with your accountability partner, and work together to develop a plan to make amends with the people you have listed. It’s not about running out to accomplish all that we can as fast as we can. There will be an appropriate time, location, and way to manage this step. Your partner knows you and will help guide you to the best way to accomplish your task.

I shared with you on Sunday my lesson in forgiving others. This was an action I needed to do, not just because God expects this of me, but because my life & health depended upon it. Harboring the resentment and anger would have caused more harm in my life … my ability to love and trust others, my ability to demonstrate His love to my daughter, and my ability to draw close to Him. But outside of the day I spoke to the court, I did not face my ex-husband to have a personal conversation with him. It would have been inappropriate to do so. I do have fleeting moments today where I think I should write him a letter, but going through this study has shown that it would bring harm to him. I said what needed to be said years ago. To make contact now would only stir up the issues and the emotions. Deep down, the flesh side of me wants to show him how well we’ve done in the years since. But that’s not what God wants. Forgiveness has been given. It was spoken, it was done.

At this time, I can think of one other for whom I need to forgive, and as much as I’ve said over the years that I have forgiven him, this study has made me see that perhaps I really haven’t. If I have forgiven this person for his actions years ago, would it still bother me that I only hear from him on birthdays and Christmas? If I have forgiven him, would it bother me that I don’t often receive replies to emails? If I have forgiven him, would it annoy me that he doesn’t seem to interact with family in ways I feel would be more appropriate? If I have fully forgiven him, would I actually have this list of things that bother me so? Or am I just holding on too tightly to the emotions the memories evoke? Either way, I haven’t fully given the issue to God, and I believe this is the area I need to really explore more deeply.

Power Verses for Chapter 6:
Luke 6:31-37
Hebrews 10:24
Philippians 2:4
Romans 12:17-18
Matthew 5:23-24
1 Peter 5:10
Colossians 3:13
Romans 8:31
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Taken from the Celebrate Recovery Participant’s Guide 3, I want to share with you the following prayer to closer out this week’s activity:
Dear God, thank You for Your love, for Your freely given grace. Help me model Your ways when I make my amends to those I have hurt and offer forgiveness to those who have injured me. Help me to set aside my selfishness and speak the truth in love. I pray that I would focus only on my part, my responsibility in the issue. I know that I can forgive others because You first forgave me. Thank You for loving me. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

______________________________

If you would like to send Amy a private email in regards to this blog, please email her at: Amy@girlfriendscoffeehour.com

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Captivating: Chapter 6 – Forgiveness and Healing (pp 102-105)

February 13, 2013 by

Look at the title of this blog.  Do you realize that you can’t have one without the other? Those two words are not mutually exclusive.  Ladies, you cannot have the whole healing Christ offers freely without not only accepting His forgiveness, but offering it to those who have hurt you as well.

I was a very emotional child.  I would carry around hurts of “he said, she said” or “she talked about me behind my back” or “he gave me a dirty look” all of the time.  I carried those burdens.  In fact, I still do.  I still find it hard to let go of things when people hurt me.  In those times of intense anger or hurt, I remember what my beautiful mother always told me.  “Take the stone out of your own eye, Carissa.”  This principle she taught me comes directly from Scripture.

“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” Matthew 7:5 (ESV).

Our authors discuss this point as well:

“It might help to remember that those who hurt you were also deeply wounded themselves.  They were broken hearts, broken when they were young, and they fell captive to the Enemy.  They were, in fact, pawns in his hands.  This doesn’t absolve them of the choices they made, the things they did.  It just helps us to let them go—to realize that they were shattered souls themselves, used by our true Enemy in his war against femininity.” (pg. 103)

Helps put things in perspective, doesn’t it?  Our enemies are not the people who hurt us…it’s Satan.  He’s the one who causes evil in this world.  He’s the snake behind The Fall of Adam and Eve.  Yes, the responsibility is still ours; we make wrong choices daily.  But, be assured that one day, we will all be held accountable for our actions and words before God.  He will judge; He will right all wrongs.  We are accountable for ourselves, not for anyone else.  So that is why Jesus calls us to “forgive as the Lord [forgives us]” in Colossians 3:13.

When we forgive, a burden on our heart is lifted.  So what burdens are you still carrying?

WhenWeForgive

 

Once we forgive and let go of those hurts, we can receive fully the healing promised by God.  David, tortured by his oppressors, praises God in Psalm 23.  Meditate on the truth below today. God loves you and will heal your broken heart!

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters,

He refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

For His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley,

I will fear no evil,

For You are with me,

Your rod and Your staff,

They comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

In the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup overflows.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me

All the days of my life,

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord

Forever.

Praise Him,

Carissa

_________________________

Let’s Pray:

Heavenly Father, You are so magnificent! We praise You, Father, for Your endless mercy and forgiveness because we deserve nothing.  Help us to forgive those in our past, present, and future. Heal our hearts, Daddy.  We love You, and know that You promise complete healing if we ask.  In Jesus’ precious Name, Amen.

 

Your Assignment:

What’s holding you back from offering forgiveness to those who have hurt you?  Please share so we can pray with you!

_________________________

 If you would like to send a private message to Carissa in regards to this blog, please email her at: Carissa@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

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Life’s Healing Choices: Chapter 6 – Relationships (pgs 166 – 203)

February 10, 2013 by

Choice 6:

Evaluate all my relationships.

Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others.

LHC_Chapter6

Forgiveness isn’t based on a feeling. Think about it, do you ever feel like forgiving someone? Or do you ruminate over ways to get back at them, or hope they get what they deserve? We keep score. We tally up the wrongs and maybe consider what they did right. We spout out “vengeance is MINE” but we forget the last part, ‘Says The Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
This week in Life’s Healing Choices we’ll take steps to mend relationships. Now, this doesn’t mean we will magically have the Hallmark moments, grand reunions, tears of joy from our reconciliations. But it will bring freedom from the harbored emotions when we let it all go in to His hands.

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Colossians 3:13 NLT

Now, if you had asked me at the time what good would come out of my failed marriages, I would have said nothing. Today, I can look back and see God’s guiding hand, bringing me to a healthier place in life. All because of His mercy & love.

When I met my ex-husband, I was ending a bad marriage and an affair … definitely NOT the time I should have been getting involved with anyone else. But he swooped down and took care of me by making me laugh, doing small things to show he appreciated me, surprised me with visits & phone calls. It was the romancing and wooing we all want. Looking back, I should have seen signs that things weren’t going to work out well. Friends joked that he had bad luck, nothing ever turned out well for him, etc. Sometimes he was the brunt of the jokes just because his choices usually led to poor outcomes. But he had explanations for everything (excuses, really), and I wanted the companionship too much to listen. At one point, his mother commented that I was the best thing to ever happen to her son, but she didn’t know what I saw in him. Wow … did I really just hear that from his mom? Hindsight being what it is, I wish I had explored that comment more deeply. Instead, I listened when he told me the relationship with his mom had been strained since his parent’s divorce and he was closer to his dad.

Fast-forward about 4 years and you’ll find us married, raising a new baby, juggling jobs with family life. We quarreled about his excessive time on the computer or role-playing games with friends. He was too distracted to really be a good husband or father. We had just purchased our first home together. Our jobs were solid with promising futures. I had finished a college program; he was just starting one. The bad times seemed justified by the stress around us.

Suddenly, in a flash, it all came crumbling down around me. In the blink of an eye, I learned of lies, inner demons, addictions, and secrets that he had been keeping from me … from everyone, really. This changed everything about my life without my knowledge, agreement or consent! But for the first time in my life, I didn’t blame God. I didn’t curse at Him, demanding to know what I had done to deserve this fate.  I turned to God. I cried out to Him with a desperation I had not felt before, because I knew He was always there for me.

I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me.

He freed me from all my fears.

Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;

no shadow of shame will darken their faces.  

Ps 34:4-5 NLT

During this time, I was embraced by a church community. I learned what God’s “peace that passes all understanding” truly feels like (Philippians 4:7). I learned to lean on Him. I learned to accept help from others around me. I learned to trust again. I learned to love again. I learned to forgive.
I read once that harboring anger, resentment and an unforgiving heart only hurts us. The other person goes on with their life, without a care in the world, completely oblivious to the fact we’re fuming and miserable. We may be angry, but it doesn’t affect their life any anyway. So until we learn to let it go, it continues to eat away at us, hardening our heart more and more with each passing day.

It wasn’t an easy process, I assure you. And, I can’t give a date when it happened. I just know that through the following years, my heart softened as I learned more about my identity in Christ. I accepted more that he needed God’s love more than I needed to hate him. At one time, his dad asked if I could help find a Bible for him. They were not believers or church-going people. Rather than tell them what to buy, or ignore their request, I went out and bought one myself. Yes, I bought a Bible for my ex-husband even after all the pain he caused. I realized that I didn’t want to face God one day and have Him say, “all I wanted you to do was give him a Bible, and you said no.” I was being asked to do a simple task, and I answered His call.  People ask me how I could forgive him for what he did to his family and friends. How could I not knowing the lengths God went to in order to forgive me? Romans 3:24 CEV

But God treats us much better than we deserve, and because of Christ Jesus, he freely accepts us and sets us free from our sins.

I stood before a judge and gave my testimony, something called a “victim’s impact statement.” I shared the details of that fateful day. I recalled the excuses and lack of responsibility my ex-husband displayed. And, I shared that I forgave him and how it was by God’s grace that I could stand before them that day. It was the last time I saw my ex-husband face to face. I will never forget the past, and there are days when the pain is still felt and the sorrow washes over me. But the good news is that I don’t harbor the resentment, the animosity … the hatred that initially consumed me. All credit for this transformation of my heart goes to God, and God alone.
This week, we’ll explore more on making amends.

Reading Assignment for Week 6: Chapter 6 of Life’s Healing Choices
Monday: Laurie will discuss Principle 6: The Relationship Choice
Tuesday: Leslie will discuss How do you forgive Others (& Self)?
Wednesday: Kim will discuss Repair by Making Amends
Thursday: Amy will discuss Make The Choice
Friday: Laurie will bring it all back home with a recap of our week

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Let’s Pray:
Lord, we cannot begin to thank You enough for the gift of Your forgiveness through Jesus Christ. To know You gave Your Son on our behalf gives us strength to extend grace and mercy to those who have offended us. It’s not an easy task, but it is something we strive for through our healing process. We know that letting go of the pain and resentment is necessary so that we can become more like You. Bless all who read and follow our study this week. Amen.

__________________________

Power Verses for Chapter 5:
Luke 6:31-37
Hebrews 10:24
Philippians 2:4
Romans 12:17-18
Matthew 5:23-24
1 Peter 5:10
Colossians 3:13
Romans 8:31
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

__________________________

If you are interested in joining us for the “Life’s Healing Choices” online Bible study, click HERE to sign up.

Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details.

If you would like to email Amy in regards to this blog, please email her at:

Amy@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

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Resolution for Women: Forgiveness

August 13, 2012 by

The Lord has shown me that this week is going to be LIFE-CHANGING for some of you, as you reach out to Him and open your heart to what He has to say about forgiveness in this weeks lessons in The Resolution for Women.

I would like to share some statements about forgiveness from Priscilla, in this section of this book:

  • forgiveness of your sins is something that Christ suffered a terrifying death to give you.
  • the capacity to forgive yourself is personally impossible.  You can’t do it.  Nobody can.
  • the bible doesn’t tell us to forgive ourselves.
  • you know it’s the right thing to do, even if it’s the last thing you feel like doing.
  • a wounded heart cannot open up either to fully love or receive love.
  • forgiveness is a miracle.
  • only one power, one invisible force, one miracle can clear away the eroding illness that robs you of peace and love and the enjoyment of life.
  • only God can alter your pattern, quicken your step, expand your reach, and get you out of those circles
  • forgiveness is designed to rescue you, while bringing with it the added by-product of extending the impact of your grace toward those you love.

“Just as the Lord has forgiven you,

so you must also forgive.”

Colossians 3:13

Forgiveness is something that we must offer others, as He has so wonderfully, abundantly, and outlandishly poured it out on us.

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Your Assignment Today:

On a piece of paper, draw a line down through the center, to make two columns.  On the left side, list the names of those you know you need to forgive.  On the right side, list the sins you personally have committed.  Take that list to Jesus.  Sit at His feet today.  Speak out each name that you have on your list, and each sin that is listed.  Ask the Lord to speak to Your heart about each one, and how you can release them to Him.  This may take you all week, but do this every day if you need to.  Add to the list each day, if needed.   But we are going to have a BURNING CEREMONY at the end of this week, and we are going to take that list and BURN IT at the foot of the cross, as a symbol of our forgiveness for each one, and HIS forgiveness toward our sins.

Let’s Pray:

Father, I lift each person who is reading this blog today.  I ask You Lord, as they read this chapter, and this blog, each day this week, that You bring them one step closer to freeing them through the act of forgiveness Lord.  Whether it’s an act of forgiveness toward another person, Lord, or through them asking You to forgive them for their own sins.  I pray that each persons heart will be prepared and ready to receive from You, Lord.  Reach down deep into their hearts.  HEAL their brokenness Lord.  HEAL the wounds  that have kept them in bondage all this time.  HEAL the pain they have carried for so long, Lord.

I pray for FREEDOM to come to each person this week, Lord.  I pray for the chains to be broken, that have held them captive for so long.  I pray for the prison doors to break forth, and each person to step out of that prison that has held them captive to unforgiveness, for so very long, Lord.

I pray for Your healing Lord to come forth.  I pray for Your anointing to flow over them, and cover them from the top of their heads to the soles of their feet, Lord!  Release them Lord!  Release them as they CHOOSE to forgive this week.  As they CHOOSE to make forgiveness a priority in their lives, Lord.  Forgive them, Lord, for the sins that they themselves have committed, also.

I thank You now, Lord, for the work You are doing in each heart.  I thank You for the healing You are bringing forth this week.  I thank You in advance for the lives that YOU are changing this week, In Your Precious Name, AMEN!!!

______________________

Now, it’s time to go back to our Facebook OBS Group, and see what Megan has in store for us this week.  This week is YOUR week!  If you do not belong to one of our Facebook OBS Groups, and would like to, please email us at GirlfriendsCoffeeHour@gmail.com, and we’ll be happy to add you!

I will be lifting you in prayer this week.  I KNOW God is going to set YOU FREE!  Expect that from Him, as you read each lesson in this weeks study!

Be Blessed & Be a Blessing to Someone Else Today,

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