November 22, 2024

Winning Him Without Words: Believe Your Marriage Is Blessed

October 28, 2012 by

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,

and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one.  

Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Mark 10:7-9

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I just wanna celebrate!

 

Will you celebrate with me??

 

This week is my 9th Wedding Anniversary

and my husband and I are taking some time away to celebrate!!

 

 

So my part of this blog today is going to be short, sweet, and simple! 

We didn’t have the opportunity to go away for a honeymoon, nor have we ever had the chance to go away for our anniversary!  So this year, we are taking some time for ourselves and we are headed to a nice little B&B nestled in the woods, where it is nice and quiet!  This time of year here in Wisconsin is BEAUTIFUL!!  The trees are many shades of reds and golds; amber and more!  It is breathtaking!

So while we are away, here is your reading assignment this week!  I hope you have an amazing week!  

Be Blessed,

____________________________

– Chapter 5 –

Winning Him Without Words

Reading Assignment

Oct 29 

Believe Your Marriage is Blessed / Mismatchdom – Beverly

Oct 30

Obedience / Plan for Marriage – Jennifer

Oct 31

Biblical Truths – Donna

Nov 1

Blessed Doesn’t Mean Easy –  Sarah

Nov 2

 Discovery / Prayer –  Martha

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If you would like to join us for this Online Bible Study “Winning Him Without Words”, and our Facebook Discussion Group, please click on the “sign-up here” button at the top of the page, and complete the form.  Once we receive your registration, we will be glad to place you!

If you have any questions, or would like to forward a comment on to one of our bloggers, email Christi@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com.

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Winning Him Without Words: God Is The Wild Hope Maker

October 25, 2012 by

   

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1

I love that verse. It hangs in our bedroom in a beautiful picture frame because it is a message I wanted to be reminded of every morning after going through a certain season of my life. The hoping and praying comes easy for me, but being certain was a struggle and this verse is the perfect reminder of what our faith in God can really do.

There was a time not too long ago when I questioned if God really had a plan for me. I used to believe he had a big one for me because I had escaped death 3 times in 38 years and am still here. God doesn’t almost take you 3 times for no reason. I always felt He was keeping me here for a purpose. But my life had been so mundane and at times down right miserable, I started to doubt my faith in God having a plan for me. What’s worse is I started to blame my husband for interfering with God’s plan for my life.

As I was learning more about what God wants from everyone, I didn’t look at my own faults and shortcomings. I was looking at my husbands. I could name off all the things HE needed to do to be blessed and saved by God right off the top of my head and figured once he fixed all his problems, blessings and prosperity would come flooding into our household. I never thought I had issues that needed to be addressed. I just thought that being yoked to him was my hindrance. After all, I was the one reading the word every day and pursuing God, so what else would I need to do?

I even started to believe that my husband was my ministry! But for some reason he wasn’t willing to listen to me tell him what he needed to do to have a better life.  The nerve, huh?! So I’d get angry at him, because remember, I thought it was all his fault that my life’s purpose wasn’t being realized. Oh brother. How’s that for putting too much expectation on your husband! I had misplaced my faith.

In this chapter Dineen asked “who am I waiting for?” Thankfully this question was put on my heart during this time. My answer was, I was waiting for my husband to fix his problems. To my eye, his problems seemed heavier than mine. I was praying to God to speak to my husband’s heart and motivate him to change. Finally God said to me:

God: What are you doing to fix you?
Me: Wait…What? I don’t have anything to fix, do I?
God: Um, yea, ya do.  Are you serving your husband, or judging him?
Me: Okay, God. I get it.

From that point on, my whole thought process changed. I started to ask God to point things out in MY life that I needed to improve or change. The list was long, by the way! I asked for his daily guidance and I asked how I could be a blessing to my husband. I spent a lot of time in Proverbs 31 and learned how to be a wife that my husband could be proud of. One who served her husband, took care of her household, raised her children with love and sought out to help others. I quit making my husband my ministry. Instead I made myself my ministry. I’ve said this in a previous post, but I now focus on being an example to my husband instead of being the nagging wife telling him what to change and how to do it. It’s the old adage, actions speak louder than words.

Please keep in mind this was not easy at first! For over 15 years I expected my husband to be my everything, as well as being perfectly pleasing to God. I struggled with “who was gonna make ME happy”.  A lot! But the more I showed love and kindness to him on purpose, it really started to make me feel good. I was making myself happy by providing joy to my husband. I was, and still am obeying God’s command to serve my husband and being rewarded in tremendous ways.

I was a score keeper, too. If he did something that hurt my feelings, I’d do something to hurt him. If he forgot my birthday, I’d be sure to “forget” his, but also remind him that he had forgotten mine. That all had to go. No more keeping records of wrongs. I continue to treat him as I want to be treated and I am “wronged” less and less each day.  Think about it this way, is it more important at the end of the day to be right or more important to be loved and give love to your husband? I threw the score card out & chose love.

And what about God’s purpose for me? Well, in hindsight I think God put me through that tough season of my life so I could write about it right here and share it with you all. I can help you learn from my mistakes or I can sympathize with you because I’ve been there. But most important of all, I can show you how well it turned out in the end by just listening to God and taking the focus off my husband and turning it on myself.

Lets Pray:
Dear Lord, help us to keep our faith placed in You. Remind us that You are working in each one of us, even though we cannot see it, we can be certain of it. Help us as wives to respect our husbands and serve them as best we can. Keep us from judging them. Keep us from trying to fix them or make them our own personal ministry. We know we need to leave them to You, but sometimes we are impatient and try to do things in our time, which only hinders Your plan. This is why it is so important for us to meditate on Hebrews 11:1 and to keep our faith placed in You and be certain You are doing Your work in them, as well as in us. In Jesus name, we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:
Dineen said that men need respect and some even equate it with love. I read this to my husband and asked him what his definition of respect is. He told me “kindness.” He said that just the act of me being kind to him made him feel I respected him. For your assignment today, I want you to ask your husband his definition of respect and list it below. At home, take that definition and USE it! If it’s kindness, be more kind. If it’s not questioning or judging him, don’t question or judge. I’m excited for you to see how much of a blessing this will bring to your marriage!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

 

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Winning Him Without Words: To Know and Be Known

October 24, 2012 by

But the man who loves God is known by God.

1 Corinthians 8:3

 I admit it, I have struggled with writing from this part of our book this week. to be honest, I don’t know what it’s like to be married to an unbeliever. But I do have a son who is unsaved and it breaks my heart. I suppose it is not on the level with my husband, but it is a heartbreaking situation. I also have other loved ones that are unsaved as well. There are women in our church that come every week without their unsaved husbands and as our women’s ministry head, I need to know how to relate and help them. I know God lead me to this ministry and to this book. As my friend tells me, God is stretching me!
The one thing that really struck me in this part of our chapter today was when Dineen says: Do I want my husband’s salvation more than I want Jesus? WOW!! That speaks volumes. I can apply it to anything in my life, not just my husband. Anytime we desire something, even if it is something we know God is ok with, if it is overtaking our thoughts and life, it is a barrier between us and the relationship we could be having with Him. Wanting our husbands to be saved and to be known by God is a good thing. But when did God step back, let us take over the reigns of our lives and give us permission to be Him? God is a gentleman and will not force himself on anyone.
I struggle with trying to play God in my son’s life. I try giving him books to read, pleading and fretting over his spiritual state. But I also try to do this with my husband too. If I think he is missing something God has given me, I try to spoon feed it to him, ( or shove it down his throat! ), When what God really wants me to do is to grow and learn and enjoy this thing He has given ME to draw closer to him. Let God take care of the rest-Husband, son, and other unsaved loved ones.
My greatest desire is to have ALL if my loved ones saved and on their way to heaven with me. But, honestly, I do want it in God’s timing, then it’s real. I have to know that God is working on them and He will orchestrate the exact right moment in time for them. He loves them so much more than I do. I want to be ready for that. For the time being I need to work on two things: to know God and be known by God-for me. I never stop praying for my son and he knows it. But as I grow and know God the more I reflect that, hopefully they see it and are drawn to it because they see God in me. That’s the only thing I can do. I need to let go of the control, NOT the desire, for the ones I love to come to the Lord. Otherwise, I am making that the forefront and an idol. (OUCH!) That’s wanting my loved ones salvation more than Jesus, and God won’t honor that.
Pg 76 Says: Amazingly, when we put God first in out lives our deepest needs are met. Oftentimes, the needs are ones we didn’t even know we had. and the beauty of it all? In God’s presence we are known from head to toe – our thoughts, our needs and even our dreams.
That says it all!!
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Lets Pray:

Father we know you Know us but we are desiring that our Husband s also be known by you. We also know you want that as well. Lord help us to step back and do your work as only you can do. we love you Lord and are willing to leave them to you. Let our greatest desire, the salvation of our loved ones, be your work and yours alone. Thank you God that you aren’t willing that any should perish either and that you have that right moment waiting for them. Guide us this day to do your will. Thank you for answered prayer. In Jesus name, Amen.Your Assignment:

Search your heart and look at those things, and people, that hold us back from letting go and letting God take over. Name them, if you can, and let us all pray for one another over it. We need each other, and we need to pray for one another; it is a strong bond in the Lord with our sisters in Christ. Let’s collectively reach out to God together and raise the roof of heaven with these desires and God will hear us. Where two or three are gathered in His name………

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!
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Winning Him Without Words: It’s Not About Us

October 23, 2012 by

Keep praying, keep believing, and then pray some more.

—  Dineen Miller

The Lord revealed something to me this past week that showed me how vital our prayers really are.

Are you ready for a quick Bible study lesson? Turn to Daniel chapter 10.

Although I think it is beneficial to read the whole chapter for context, I specifically want to focus on verses 12 and 13.

Then he {the angel} said, “Don’t be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer. But for twenty-one days the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia blocked my way. Then Michael, one of the archangels, came to help me, and I left him there with the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia. (Daniel 10:12-13, NLT, emphasis mine)

Daniel prayed here on Earth and Scripture tells us that his request was heard in heaven. God sent an angel to deliver a message in answer to his prayer. But between Heaven and Earth, a spiritual battle took place. An evil angel blocked God’s angel until Michael, one of the higher ranking archangels, came to help. It took 21 days for God’s angel to get to Daniel to deliver the message.

God places a very high value on answering our prayers. For most of us with an unbelieving spouse, it may seem as if it is pointless to pray because we do not see any result in our spouse. And, hey, we prayed once a while back for his salvation, so God should already be working on it, right? Yes, but these prayers may spark supernatural battles that we are not even aware of! Therefore, we should be in constant, persistent prayer for our husbands. If Daniel had stopped praying, he could have missed out on the blessing he received.

This passage brought me to tears when I first read it. To realize that there is a supernatural battle waging for my husband’s soul is not to be taken lightly. These verses reiterate how important it is to pray for our unbelieving spouse diligently, without ceasing. We cannot be saddened or disheartened if we do not see a change in our husbands’. God is doing His work in our spouse. Our job is to continue to pray.

As Dineen says, prayer is truly a journey. As we walk our own journeys of faith, prayer connects us with our Father and opens our hearts to what He has for us. It strengthens us and prepares us for the next step in our life journey. So, draw close to your Father as you pray for your unbelieving husband. Trust Him to answer those prayers in His perfect timing. Trust that He is fighting those spiritual battles for us and He is already VICTORIOUS!

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Let’s Pray:

Lord, thank you for your Word and for teaching us through your Holy Spirit. Help us to become prayer warriors for our unbelieving spouses and to draw strength from you as we continue to walk this unequally yoked journey. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Comment below answering the following question – Do you find it difficult to pray for your unbelieving spouse? Why or why not? My challenge to you today is to write out a prayer for your spouse and tuck it into your Bible (you don’t have to post it here)!

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Our Deepest Need

October 22, 2012 by

Ladies, this blog today was extremely difficult for me to share with you and the world as I have never been one to be so transparent about my life, so I pray that God would use this to reach someone out there that must need to hear it, to be encouraged from it.

When you were a teenager did you make this statement to one of your girlfriends, “I found the man of my dreams, my soulmate”  I did that when I met my man.  I wanted so much to graduate high school and get married and have someone else meet my needs that I didn’t feel were being met at home.     When I met my guy at high school,  I thought right then OK there is no one else for me, he is “the one” for me.  I never dated anyone but him.  At that time I was not a Christian so I didn’t know anything about seeking “the man” God wanted for my life, I was strictly going with “my feelings, my wants, and my desires.”   A strong desire to “get married” and get out of my home.    My parents were having marital problems and I just wanted to get out of all that was going on, so I kept putting myself into this dating relationship more and more so I kept my mind off of what was going on in my home.

We dated for four years and the day he asked me to marry him was “wonderful”.  I thought YAY, now my needs will finally be met.  I will get something that I want.  I did not truly know at that time what my “deepest need” really was nor did I know that he was not the one who would meet it.

I thought I was Cinderella and all my dreams I had ever had were gonna finally come to fruition…..but ladies this was only the beginning of what would be coming to pass in my life.

Wedding plans were being made…

A new job was provided for us both…

A home was found for us to move into…

We both were attending church at the time…

my dream life, my needs were coming together…..or so I thought

I thought this man was going to be my knight in shining armor, the one that would give me “everything” I had always wanted and needed. I talked myself into believing that, into believing in him to solely take charge of that area, “to provide me with “every need” (and wants by the way)…..he had a good job making money like I had never experienced in our home before.  Ladies I had NEEDS and I just knew he was the one to “provide”.

I had need for:

  • Acceptance – knowing that I was loved and needed by him
  • Identity – knowing that I was significant to someone
  • Security – knowing that there was someone to protect and provide for me
  • Purpose – knowing that I have a reason for living

I was spending my life trying to get my needs met by many sources and at this time in my life I was totally focused on my boyfriend to do that for me, by marrying me.

In the year before we were married I began going to church more and learning more about God and I was beginning to understand that there was someone else who could meet “my true need”.

THE NEED OF SALVATION

 

I finally realized that no human being could meet “my deepest need”, that only God could.   I was placing a lot of expectations on my boyfriend soon to be husband to take on that role and he could not do it.

Only God could meet my needs I had (acceptance, identity, security and purpose).   In John 6:35 Jesus says to me “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.”

Ladies, Jesus had the ability to give me the spiritual food and drink that I needed to “satisfy” my longings, my needs.  He invited me to come to him for my need to be met.

On April 17, 1979 I accepted His invitation to do just that and oh how my life changed.    I “finally” had someone who could and wanted to meet “my every need”, not just the wants I was experiencing before this day.    I still did not understand that I needed to seek God for the man I was to spend my life with, I mean I had been dating for 4 years and my wedding was planned and the wedding day was approaching, was I really suppose to put all that on hold until I had time to “seek Him” for answers, well since I didn’t truly know all that, I kept going with all the plans as they were and we were married on June 23, 1979.

We continued to attend church together and God was meeting my needs.   I was growing but “we” were not growing in Him.  I was still expecting my husband to meet needs that I wanted met.  I was placing expectations on my husband that he could not uphold—you see my “deepest need” would then and always only be met by God, so I need to keep these areas separate and allow God to meet the needs He will meet and my husband to meet the needs he can meet as they are not the same ladies.

I needed to release my husband from the job that was God’s. God can heal us, love us in the way we need.

Man’s love is natural.

God’s love is supernatural.

Our husbands can’t possibly take on a role that was not his to begin with and if we try to “make” him do it he will begin to feel like a failure and resentment will begin to creep in and threaten our relationship.

 Pg. 70-71; When our expectations are rightly placed in the One who created those needs in the first place we will discover freedoms in our marriage that allows us to be the woman God created each of us to be and the wife He needs us to be so that He can work through us to reach our husband. The burden is taken off our man, as is the label of failure. We can then respect our husband as he is and love him unconditionally.

I am happy to say I have been married 33 years, but sad to say I have just recently realized in the past year that I can’t force my husband to join me at church and in “my relationship” with God because he has to find those things on his own, but what I can do is pray for him and pray for us and:

“look only to God to meet our needs”

My man is my man and I want him as much today as I did back in high school and I have hope, joy, peace, trust and respect in Him and I need him every day, but to need him,    I NEED GOD FIRST because it is God who will indeed meet the deepest places in “our marriage”.

 

Let’s Pray:  God I thank you for meeting my every “need” since that day I met you and I pray for each lady who reads part of my short testimony today that if they have that same “need” to meet you as their provider that they too will say yes and release their “guy” from trying to be the one to meet it, but allow You to be their true provider in their life, in your name I pray Amen!

Your assignment:  Who is meeting your deepest need? On a daily basis, on whom do you rely the most and to whom do you go to first to get your deepest need met?   Tell us about it….

 

 

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Please email Christi@girlfriendscoffeehour.com if you have any questions, or if you have a private comment that you would like to forward to one of our bloggers in regards to their post that day.

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Winning Him Without Words: Know the Essentials

October 21, 2012 by

 “Then why do you treat him any differently now?

Treat him as if he were a Christian.”  

OUCH!  I wonder how many of us have ever had this epiphany!?!  Men need respect … while women need love.  We women know that we need love.  It makes us feel secure in our relationship.  But have we really truly thought of what respect means to our husband?  As Dineen said, “some even equate respect with love.”

Having respect for our husband means treating him with the utmost kindness. Treat him as you want to be treated.  Do you treat your husband with the utmost kindness; or the way you want to be treated?  Do you let your husband take the lead in the household?  Do you belittle your husband in front of others?  Do you laugh at him in front of others?  Do you add to the stress that he already has? Do you nag him?

God calls us to respect our husbands.  He doesn’t tell us to respect our husband only IF he does this or that; only if he is a good father; only if he is a good provider; only if he shows you love, and so on.  He simply tells us to respect him….period!

Respecting your husband simply put, means that you have chosen to obey God.  When you obey God by respecting your husband, you are showing honor to God!  God never called you to nag your husband.  In fact, in Proverbs 21:9 tells us that it’s better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife.  Proverbs 21:19 tells us that it’s better to live in a wilderness than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife.

From there, we move into the section of the book that talks about our needs.  We have such a way of putting such high demands on our spouse to meet our needs that it’s impossible for him to meet them all!  Then we get frustrated, disappointed, or angry, that he isn’t able to meet these needs. First off, your spouse was never made to meet your every need!  Only God can do that!  Once you figure this out, it takes the pressure off of you both!  You are no longer disappointed in him for not meeting your needs; and he is no longer working so hard trying to figure out how to please you!!  Win-Win Situation for you both!  Praise God!

The one thing that really stood out to me in this chapter though, is the section that talked about his salvation and praying for your husband.  I know how important his salvation is to you.  But I want to ask you something.  I want you to really think about this, too.

“Would you rather your husband have a ‘forced’ relationship with God because you forced him into this with your nagging? Or would you rather he have the kind of relationship that allows him to love the Lord with his whole heart, soul, mind, and strength?” 

I really want you to think about this question today.  The rest of this chapter goes into a lot more things for us to think about, and I don’t want to take away from our awesome ladies who will be blogging the rest of the week.  So with that, I’m going to end my blog here today.  I hope I have given you some food for thought today.

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Here is Your Reading Assignment this Week:

Oct 22 –

Know the Essentials / Our Deepest Needs – Beverly

 Oct 23 –

It’s Not About Us – Jennifer

 Oct 24 –

To Know & Be Known – Donna

 Oct 25 –

God Is the Wild Hope Maker – Sarah

 Oct 26 –

Glue to Hope, Joy, & Peace / Discovery / Prayer – Martha

Don’t Forget! Saturdays with Shandy!

Shandy is taking us through a 6-week journey to prepare our homes for the Holidays!

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Let’s Pray:

Father, thank You so much Lord for loving us the way You do.  Thank You Lord for the spouse you have given each of us.  Lord, allow us to see him through Your eyes.  Allow our hearts to love him the way You do.  Put a guard over our tongue this week Lord, and help us to watch the words that come out of our mouth.  Lord, help us to truly be the kind of wife that You designed us to be for the spouse You have given us. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!

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 God bless you,

.

.

.

________________

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Please email Christi@girlfriendscoffeehour.com if you have any questions, or if you have a private comment that you would like to forward to one of our bloggers in regards to their post that day.

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Winning Him Without Words: Week 3 Review w/ Martha

October 19, 2012 by

This blog is brought to you today by Martha Bush

“What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”   [Mark 10:9]

And with that final scripture spoken over us, we kissed and ran down the aisle to start our new life together.  Yes, the bride with teased hair and the groom with a crew top, wearing a white sports coat is Mr. and Mrs. Glen Bush.  (60’s style fashion)

Never would either of us have thought on that blissful day that the time would come when, what God had joined together, would be disconnected.  No, not by way of divorce; we are still hanging in there 46 years later.  But, a disconnection whereby we were no longer “united as one” emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

The disconnect came in various ways, but the one who brought the biggest disconnect was none other than GOD.   Well, maybe God didn’t directly cause it.  But you see, I was a little confused on how to share my faith around my unsaved husband.

For example:

  • “I bought you a Bible, sweetheart.  Read it, so you can learn more about Jesus.”
  •  “Would you please straighten up your language!   And, for goodness sakes,  put that cigarette out. The Bible says your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.”
  • “Please don’t turn off my Jesus tapes; I’m worshipping.”
  • “You want sex tonight?  Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie.  The Bible says a couple can refrain from having sex when fasting, if they both agree.  You will agree to refrain while I am on this 3 week Daniel fast with my church, won’t you?”

Finally, one day my husband said to me:  “I want my wife back!”  “I want a friend and lover,  not a mother!”

OMG!  I had been on such a spiritual high to save his soul and help him be able to wear a halo like mine that I had totally disconnected from him.  He no longer knew me.

Changes had to be made.  I decided that  if I wanted to Stay Connected with the love of my life, I’d better  INTENTIONALLY take a closer look at what love, “God’s Way,” was all about.

Beverly, Jennifer, Donna, and Sara have painted a beautiful picture of love, “God’s Way” that is sure to help us all Stay Connected with our man as outlined in Chapter 3.

Let’s review their points.

Monday:  “Love is For a Lifetime – –As Beverly pondered what she could possibly share about  “love being for a lifetime”  one word within a sentence on Pg. 56 in our book caught her eye.  “God is freely giving us the secret to a long and joyful marriage.”

The word that stood out to her in that sentence was secret.  From that word, God showed Beverly that the secret to love for a lifetime is in the seven  C’s.

Commitment   Compromise   Communication   Courtesy   Charity   Courtship         The last and best “C” is Christ

Beverly said that a surefire way of maintaining these seven  ”C’s” is to:   pray together as husband and wife on a daily basis. Don’t let busy schedules, the TV, work, or the internet crowd this out. Make it your highest priority to “stay connected” and you will have a prosperous marriage journey that will “last a lifetime”

May we do likewise.

Tuesday:  “All Things Are Not Equal” – –Jennifer  poured out her frustrations about love and staying connected to her spouse.  No doubt, Jennifer’s frustrations are embedded in many of our hearts.

  1.     Why do I always have to give and give without ever getting anything in return?
  2.     Will I always live in this continual bout of frustration?
  3.    Why won’t my husband ever see that I am hurting?
  4.    Why won’t he anticipate my needs?
  5.   Why do I have to cater to HIS needs while mine remain unmet?
  6.   Why won’t he help me in my times of need?

Yes, we often find that All Things are Not Equal in our dream world of having an equal partnership.  So, what is the answer to our frustrations?  

Jennifer summed it up this way:  With God’s help, we can love without expectation. God knows our every need. God knows every ache of our heart. God knows every desire of our soul. I am here to tell you, as hard as this is to grasp, God is the only one who can meet your every need. If you continue to rely on your husband to meet your every need, you will always be disappointed, because your husband is not God.

May we do likewise.

Wednesday:  “Bring on the Bedroom” —Donna brought out that the God-given pleasure in staying connected is:  Intimacy in the Bedroom.

Yes, intimacy is a gift from God for a husband and wife, that brings us pleasure.  But, Donna points to the fact that, life gets in the way, and intimacy goes on the back burner, thus robbing us of this pleasure.  She then challenges us with this statement:  We need to make the effort.

Donna shared a few ideas from her own marriage that has kept intimacy between she and her husband alive.

  • Prayer                                                   Picnic
  • Texting/calling at work                 Candles   (Christi’s choice)
  • Write notes to view at work         Reserve room at hotel
  • Buy a new negligee                         Vacation together
  • Plan a date night                             Attend marriage seminars

May we do likewise

 

Thursday:  “When You don’t Agree” – – Sarah confirms to us that “intimacy in the bedroom” is God’s idea of staying connected by pointing us to The Song of Solomon. This book is dedicated to the story of pursuing love, expressing love, and enjoying love…being able to abandon ourselves to our husbands wholeheartedly and with passion, holding nothing back. God is not a prudish God.  He definitely wants us to enjoy sex!

However, Sarah points us to the reality that we all might have face answering some tough questions about what goes on in the bedroom with our spouse. In short, how far is too far?

Sarah came into agreement with Lynn, our author as to how to answer some of those tough questions.  You need to talk about setting boundaries. Your husband married you because he loves YOU, not what you can do for him sexually. He needs to respect your wishes and you need to do the same for him. But he can never expect you to do things you feel are inappropriate or make you feel ashamed.  If you sit down and talk about what you are both comfortable and not comfortable with, there can be no misunderstandings. The marriage bed is supposed to be a comfortable and enjoyable place to be. Without setting boundaries, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy love making with your husband and that is not what God wants for you.

******

Christi added another line of questions that we might be faced with in regards to sexual intimacy.

  1. What about couples who have sexless marriages due to physical problems?
  2. What about those women whose husband has no sex drive?
  3.  What about the couple that realizes that physical problems prevent them from having sex, but they are okay with it?  They love each other anyway.  Is that sexless marriage okay?
  4. If, a sexless marriage is truly acceptable to both parties, is this something God would approve?

Christi suggested a list of books that would help us answer the tough questions we might have.  But, she concludes with:  Whatever you do, PRAY!  Pray the Word of God over your marriage, over your bedroom, over your bed, over your husband’s pillow.  As Sarah suggested above, take the book of Song of Solomon and pray it over you and your husband in 1st person. If you have to, read it out loud when you go to bed together!

Friday:  Discovery/Prayer:  Father God, no doubt as was Esther, we, too, have been brought into the Kingdom for such a time as this.  You have called us to a high calling: “Being a Wife.”  I ask you, in the name of your son, Jesus, to help each of us Stay Connected with our husband, and to live out our life according to 1 Peter 3 before him.  The truths you have revealed to us this week are priceless.  Help us walk them out.  In Jesus name, I pray.  Amen.

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Above all, if you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, and would like to have someone pray with you, please email us at Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com. and one of our prayer team members will contact you.

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Winning Him Without Words: When We Don’t Agree

October 18, 2012 by

This blog is brought to you today by Sarah Boyer & Christi Wilson

“How am I supposed to compete with that?” Do you ever say that when you see an ad with a Victoria’s Secret model or see a skinny young thing on TV with everything where it ought to be (thanks to Photoshop!)? I do. Today’s world places so much emphasis on youth and beauty; it is hard to not get caught up in the hype to look younger, thinner, and less wrinkly.

But what if your husband sees these same commercials and ads and starts to suggest that you wear skimpy outfits like those women. Or what if he subscribes to a certain type of magazine or visits sites online that portray women in sexual situations that you know are wrong and demoralizing, but your husband thinks would be fun? After all, the bible says to submit to your husband. But how far is too far?

I love how Lynn answers this tough question. You need to talk about setting boundaries in the bedroom. Your husband married you because he loves YOU, not what you can do for him sexually. He needs to respect your wishes and you need to do the same for him. But he can never expect you to do things you feel are inappropriate or make you feel ashamed.  If you sit down and talk about what you are both comfortable and not comfortable with, there can be no misunderstandings. No, it won’t be an easy conversation, but it is just as important as discussing money issues and child rearing methods. The marriage bed is supposed to be a comfortable and enjoyable place to be. Without setting boundaries, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy love making with your husband and that is not what God wants for you.

What if your husband calls you a “prude” because you are Christian?  You need to reassure him and tell him that God approves of sex between a husband and a wife and that you are not, nor will you ever become a prude because you are a Christian. Sex is a beautiful thing between a husband and wife. It is the most intimate way you can show your love for one another. There is no need to be prudish about sex with your husband. God designed us to be intimate with our spouses. He wants us to enjoy sex too! Read Song of Solomon if you doubt me! The whole book is dedicated to the story of pursuing love, expressing love, and enjoying love…being able to abandon ourselves to our husbands wholeheartedly and with passion, holding nothing back. That doesn’t sound like God wants us to be prudish to me!

I love what Lynn wrote at the end of this section:  Intimacy, love, sex, trust, forgiveness, commitment, respect – all of these are components of married love and are gifts from the Lord. Enjoy!

One more problem that can come up in our sex lives is agreeing on WHEN. As wives and mothers we are tired! We work full time jobs, we take care of the kids, we cook, we clean, and then at the end of the day we are expected to be enthusiastic lovers when we really want to just go to sleep. I understand, but getting into this pattern of work, cooking and cleaning, and taking care of kids puts your husband last on the list. Men are physical beings, connecting in the bedroom is how they express their most intimate love for you. You need to make an effort not to deny him. Yes we are tired, but you really need to make an effort to make time for love making with your husband. Remember when you were first married? Your guy was the most important thing in your life, next to God of course. Make an effort to rekindle those feelings for your husband and make time for him just like you did when you were newlyweds!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the last couple of days, we’ve been talking about the pleasures of the marriage bed.  But today, I want to add a little something to think about.

What about women who have sexless marriages?  For those marriages that have physical problems, maybe one spouse is physically incapable of having sex.  Is it okay that this marriage is sexless, if both parties agree that it’s okay?  Or is it a detriment to the marriage because it leaves room for temptation?

What about those women whose husband has no sex drive?  There are men out there who are unable to perform sexually due to medical reasons, but are unable to take certain medications because of other physical problems.  Is this sexless marriage okay?  Or does this leave room for temptation?

What about the couple that realizes that physical problems prevent them from having sex, but they are okay with it?  They love each other anyway.  Is that sexless marriage okay?

Sex is such an important part of marriage.  But we have to realize too, that there are reasons couples cannot have sex.  They may be able to do everything else, but unable to complete the lovemaking.  If this is truly acceptable to both parties, is this something God would approve?

We just have to keep these things in mind when it comes to having a satisfying sex life.  There are other ways of having a fulfilling sex life without intercourse.  I know this is bold, but it’s the truth.  If both couples agree to a sexless marriage, I personally do not feel there is anything wrong with this, especially when it comes to physical problems preventing it; but I do believe that both parties must be in total agreement with it.

Whatever you do, PRAY!  Pray the Word of God over your marriage, over your bedroom, over your bed, over your husband’s pillow.  As Sarah suggested above, take the book of Song of Solomon and pray it over you and your husband in 1st person, such as:  “(Spouse’s name) is my beloved, and I am (Spouse’s Name), and his desire is only for me.  And so on.  Read the whole book!  If you have to, read it out loud when you go to bed together!

Listed below are some good books that I would suggest for couples who are just struggling in the bedroom:  “Sex Begins in the Kitchen” by Dr. Kevin Leman  — “Sheet Music” by Dr. Kevin Leman — “The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Smalley – There are many other great books out there to choose from.

God bless,

Christi

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Let’s Pray:

Lord, sometimes as wives we view sex as a “have to” instead of a “want to” which creates a roadblock to our intimacy with our husbands. Please help us to remember that You intended sex to be a fun and loving activity with our husband. Help us to put away the stresses of life and enjoy our intimacy with our husbands. Let our intimacy bring us closer together and help us to stay connected. Remind us that You want us to enjoy sex with our husbands, giving our full abandon.

We pray for those marriages who are physically incapable of having sex.  We ask Lord that You give these couples creative ideas on fulfilling each other sexually.  In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

I would like you to describe below the best date you had with your husband while you were dating. As you write about it, remember how you felt on that date. Remember the anticipation you felt while getting all dolled up for your guy. Remember how he looked, and remember your feelings for him during that date. Write it all out and then as soon as possible, recreate that date!

 

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join this Bible study, we would love to have you join us! Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple! We hope to see you soon!

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Winning Him Without Words: Bring on the Bedroom

October 17, 2012 by
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husbands body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent, and for a time, so you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor 7:3-5
I’m just going to reiterate some of the things written in this part of our chapter:
* This verse, like Lynn says, is God’s perspective on intimacy in marriage. Intimacy is a gift from God, something that we share only with each other. Created by God for marriage.
* It is supposed to be a pleasurable thing for husband and wife.
*We need to make the effort.
Let’s face it when we got married all we wanted to do was make love, for the first few months that’s all we do! But then life gets in the way and intimacy goes on the back burner. We have children and jobs and we get tired after dealing with these things all day. This part of our marriage is important to both of us and we shouldn’t neglect it. That being said and so as not to re-write everything that was written in our study, I want to share with some practical  things with you so you can enjoy and anticipate this vital part of your marriage, making it fun as you do!
The first thing I would have you do is pray! This is important because it puts things into a biblical mindset for you and also gets your heart in the right place.
When I first got married a friend of mine, who had been married for some time, gave me this advice that someone had given her when she married. Write down all the things that attracted you to your husband when you first met and married. It may not all be physical. Just all the good qualities and things that made your heart melt at the sight of him. Then go back and read it often and especially when you know it’s been awhile and you need to be reminded. Then think on those things!
Text him at work or call and leave a message of love for him on his phone. Sometimes I leave a little sticky note in his lunch box for him to find.
Buy a new negligee once in awhile and wear it on a night when it’s least expected and surprise him. I guarantee he will be in the mood!
Make reservations at a restaurant you both like and take him out on a date. Date nights are usually planned by us; so be as creative as you can. Dress to the nines!!
A picnic in the country or at a park you like to go to, just the two of you.
Fom Christi:  There is a candle that I will suggest to you, also.  It’s a Woodwick Candle.  It actually has a wood wick, so when the wick is lit, it crackles while it burns, making it sound like a mini-fireplace!! 🙂  Use this candle, especially if you have children, as a signal to your spouse that you are interested in making love with him that night.  BOTH of you can use this candle in this way!  Light it earlier in the day, so it gives each other time to prep and get the kids taken care of, before that special time alone.
On a grander scale here are some things you can do that I have found are very nice, whether it’s your  anniversary or a special occasion or just because:
I kidnapped my husband once. A week ahead of time I made reservations for dinner and a hotel in the town where my husband works. Then I had a friend drive me to his work and drop me off at his car. I was dressed in heels and his favorite dress and smelled wonderful! I looked GOOD!! When he came out to his car and found me there he was so shocked. I took over the wheel of the car and drove us to the hotel where he showered and changed ( I had packed a bag for him). We went to dinner and just enjoyed being together and the night!!! It was great fun for both of us!
We usually go somewhere for a couple days for our anniversary every year. It usually in our home state, so we don’t go too far, staying at a B&B. We find lots of unique places and it’s something we plan together months in advance and look forward to.
We also make sure to take a weeks vacation together, just the two of us every summer. We plan ahead and make it special by doing something we individually like together for a day. He likes sports, I like shopping. So we each get to enjoy it together. I can handle it for one day and so can he.
Every five years or so we attend a marriage seminar of some sort. It refreshes you and reminds you to think of your marriage as a priority, And they usually touch on the subject of intimacy too.
Let’ face it, day to day life is sometimes boring and we can let that leak into our sex life as well. Plan ahead and think of your husband. Anticipation is the key for us. God intended for us to be intimate, and it’s a very special part of our marriage. Let’s try to keep it alive and well. God says it is good and we should enjoy it!!!
If you are interested in more Date Night / Romance ideas, and you belong to our Facebook Discussion Group, please check the Files section of your group!  There are a ton of great ideas in that section of our your group!
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Lets Pray:
God thank you for our spouses and our marriages. Help us to keep intimate with you and with each other. I pray that we would purpose to keep the intimate part of our marriage alive and well and honoring you. Remind us daily of our love for our husbands. Help us to be creative and loving in our planning for these times. Thank you lord of the gift of intimacy  with our husband. In Jesus name-Amen.
Your assignment:
I have shared a few things that I have done to keep our love alive in our marriage. What things, without giving too much detail, can you say you’ve done or are planning to do to help this part of your marriage to stay alive and well?  Maybe we can steal some of those ideas for ourselves!!!
Many Blessings,
Donna
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Winning Him Without Words: All Things Are Not Equal

October 16, 2012 by

“You might be wondering why it seems to always be up to you to change, to give, to love. What about him? Doesn’t he have to do anything?” — p. 61


I have to admit something to all of you.

This is the single hardest section for me in the book thus far.

Do you want me to “get real” with all of you? Here are the ugly, selfish thoughts that ran through my head while reading this section: Why do I always have to give and give without ever getting anything in return? Will I always live in this continual bout of frustration? Why won’t my husband ever see that I am hurting? Why won’t he anticipate my needs? Why do I have to cater to HIS needs while mine remain unmet? Why won’t he help me in my times of need?

Why me, why me, why me?

Ugh, I sound pathetic just writing that out. And part of me wants to go back and rewrite it so I sound better.

But they are real feelings and until I can admit them to myself (and you admit them to yourself, whatever your ugly, selfish feelings may be), we cannot conquer them with truth from God’s Word:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

My thoughts certainly are not patient nor kind. In fact, my thoughts are rather rude and self-seeking. My Life Application Study Bible has this note for these verses:

Our society confuses love and lust. Unlike lust, God’s kind of love is directed outward toward others, not inward toward ourselves. It is utterly unselfish. This kind of love goes against our natural inclinations. It is impossible to have this love unless God helps us set aside our own natural desires so that we can love and not expect anything in return. Thus, the more we become like Christ, the more  love we will show to others.

The selfish feelings we experience are normal. It is only with God’s help that we can love without expectation. God knows our every need. God knows every ache of our heart. God knows every desire of our soul. I am here to tell you, as hard as this is to grasp, God is the only one who can meet your every need. If you continue to rely on your husband to meet your every need, you will always be disappointed, because your husband is not God.

Last week we learned that we have to release the control of our husband’s salvation to God. This week, God revealed an even more important truth to me. I need to take my husband off the throne. I must ensure  that I am not making my husband the God of my life. He is not there to meet my every need, to serve my every whim. He is my helpmeet, my partner, my friend. He is only a man. As much as I would like him to be, he is not on this earth to serve me. Once God gets him, his function in life will be to serve the Lord first and foremost.

It is not about me.

This week, let us focus on learning from Jesus about true, biblical love. Let us set our desires aside and look to God for the true meaning of love. The kind of love He has for us – that no matter what we do or where we go, He still pursues us and loves us and wants to draw us to Himself. The kind of love that is patient and kind; not envious, boastful, proud, rude, self-seeking, easily angered, or keeps record of wrongs. A love that rejoices with the truth, protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

*****

Let’s Pray:

Lord, we come to you this day asking you to teach us about biblical love. Show us how to set aside our expectations and selfishness and to focus on loving others like you love us. Reveal to us in your personal way, through people placed in our path or through your Word, what we need to learn and what steps we need to take. Father, I also ask that you help us to take our husbands off the throne if we have made them an idol in our lives. Help us to place you firmly in that spot and to be able to show grace and compassion upon our husbands today. In Jesus name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

What is one intentional thing you can do for your husband today without expecting anything in return? (Remember, if you post it, really try to commit to not expecting your husband to give you anything in return – even a thank you! Do it out of love for God and for your husband.)

Many blessings to you,

Jennifer

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Join the Winning Him Without Words Bible Study!

For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

*****

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