December 23, 2024

Glorious Living w/ Coach Megan: Releasing Present Anger

May 10, 2013 by

GL header

Dear Megan,

I pray you can help me. I have spent a lot of time working through the anger from my past, but I am really struggling releasing anger I am currently feeling in a constructive way. Maybe that means I haven’t truly released myself of the pain of my past anger, I don’t know. I do know that I need help now and I pray God can speak to me through you on this. Thank you for any help you can give!

~C.D.

Dear one, thank you for your question. I think we need to start off by understanding what is at the core of anger. Really, when we feel that our real or perceived rights have been violated, we can easily respond with anger.

This is something very real that many people struggle with…sometimes in certain seasons, situations and circumstances more than others. What is not okay is if we are walking around with the wrong belief that we have the right to be angry about our disappointments and choose to stay angry for as long as we feel like it. It is not okay to walk around with the belief that you have the right to express your anger in whatever way is natural to you. That is why I loved in your question when you said that you are struggling with releasing anger in a constructive way…. this implies that THIS is the type of guidance you are looking for and THAT, I believe, is pleasing to God!

What we want is to believe in our hearts that our Lord is sovereign over us and that we trust Him with our lives. We must yield our rights to Him and, through that, our human disappointments become God’s appointments to increase our faith and develop His character in us! We must choose to NOT be controlled by our anger, but to use our anger to motivate us to do whatever God wants us to do.

1 Peter 1:6-7

6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold,

which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

I pray that the following steps will help you to handle your present anger constructively and biblically.

1. Acknowledge Your Anger {Proverbs 28:13}

  • Be willing to admit you are angry
  • Be aware of when you feel angry
  • Become aware of suppressing or repressing your anger because of fear
  • Be willing to take responsibility for any inappropriate anger

2. Analyze Your Style { Psalm 139:23-24}

  • How often do you feel angry?
  • How do you know when you’re angry?
  • How do others know when you’re angry?
  • How do you release your anger?

3. Assess the Source {Psalm 51:6}

  • Hurt, injustice, fear, frustration, _________

4. Appraise Your Thinking {Proverbs 21:29}

  • Are you expecting others to meet your standards? “She should take better care of her children.”   “They ought to notice what I do for them.”
  • Are you guilty of distorted thinking? {Exaggerating the situation, assuming the worst, labeling one action based on other actions, generalizing, etc.}

5. Admit Your Needs {Anger is often a tactic used to get inner needs met} {Philippians 4:19}

  • Do you use anger as a manipulative play to demand certain “musts” in an attempt to feel loved?
  • Do you use explosive anger to get your way in an attempt to feel significant?
  • Do you use controlling anger, insisting on certain conditions in order to feel secure?
  • DO you know that only Christ can ultimately meet all your needs?
6. Abandon Your Demands {Learn to look to the Lord to meet your needs instead of demanding that from others}  {Jeremiah 31:3} {Jeremiah 29:11} {Psalm 118:6} {2 Peter 1:3}
  • “Lord, though I would like to feel more love from others, I know that You love me unconditionally.”
  • “Lord, though I would like to feel more significant to those around me, I know that I am significant in Your eyes.”
  • “Lord, though I wish I felt more secure in my relationships, I know I am secure in my relationship with You.”
  • “Lord, though I wish others would be more responsive to my needs, I know that You have promised to meet all my needs.”

7. Change Your Attitudes {Take these steps outlined in Philippians 2:2-8}

  • Have the goal to be like-minded with Christ
  • Do not think of yourself first
  • Give the other person preferential treatment
  • Consider the other person’s interests
  • Have the attitude of Jesus
  • Do not emphasize your position or rights
  • Look for ways to demonstrate a servant’s heart
  • Speak and act with a humble spirit
  • Be willing to die to your own desires

8. Address Your Anger {Galatians 2:20}

  • Determine whether your anger is really justified
  • Decide on the appropriate response {How important is the issue? Would a good purpose be served if it is mentioned? Should I acknowledge my anger only to the Lord?}
  • Depend on the Holy Spirit for guidance
  • Have constructive dialog when you confess
  • Don’t speak from a heart of unforgiveness {think before you speak}
  • Use personal statements such as “I feel…” instead of “How could you…” or “Why can’t you…”
  • Stay focused on present issue {don’t bring up past grievances}
  • Don’t assume the other person is wrong… actively listen for their point of view
  • Don’t expect instant understanding. Be patient and always respond with gentleness
  • Show the love of God by saying the following to yourself: I placed my anger on the cross with Christ. I am no longer controlled by anger. I am alive with Christ living inside me. I will let Christ forgive through me. I will let Christ love through me. I will let Christ reveal truth through me.

****Please, please journal out your thoughts, prayers and fears as you begin this journey to constructively release your present anger. I am praying God will move in your life in a mighty way through this and may He get all the glory!

Are YOU struggling with anger? How might you benefit by using this exercise along with our dear C.D?
Blessings,
Coach Megan 🙂
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A Daughter’s Worth: Week 9 / Day 3 – Teacher Relationships Are Challenging

November 28, 2012 by

I am honestly so thankful for the teachers I had throughout my elementary, junior high, and high school years. With each teacher, I was challenged in a different way. Did I like it at the time? Not always. Did I always see eye to eye with every teacher I had? Absolutely NOT!

But throughout my school years, and especially as I got older, I learned the importance of submitting to authority. There were definitely some times when I felt a teacher was being unfair, and then there were some times when I felt a teacher wasn’t teaching. In both cases, I had to learn that it is THEIR classroom, not mine. They were given this job for a reason, and they were there to help me become the best student I could be. Romans 13:1 says, “…for there is no authority except that which God has established.”

I didn’t always agree with a teacher when they assigned a paper on a Monday that was due on a Friday. I threw many tantrums in those instances, I assure you. But I had to do it. School was my job at the time. Was it supposed to be number one in my life? Absolutely NOT. I would often say, “God loves me regardless of my grades.” Very true, but God also wants me to do everything with excellence. Perfection? Nope. Excellence… To the very best of my ability. Did I do that? Honestly, no. I wish that I had, though. School was where the Lord wanted me at the time. And it was my responsibility to get things done.

Part of being the best student you can be is respecting your teachers. It takes a little while at the beginning of the year to know what a teacher’s expectations are or how they like certain things done, but once you figure those things out, you should try your best to do your work in a way that would please them. By respecting them and submitting to their authority, you are honoring your Father in Heaven. And who knows, the way you act toward your teachers may show THEM or your peers the love of Jesus.

Pray with me-

God, THANK YOU for our teachers! Thank You for placing people in our lives that challenge us and want us to do our best. Lord, give us patience and compassion when our teachers do not do things how we think they should be done. Give us Your heart toward them and our school work. In the future, place teachers in our paths that will challenge us in the best way and will teach us to be loving and compassionate. Amen

~Jordan

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information

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A Daughter’s Worth: Week 9 / Day 1 – Academic Expectations Are High

November 26, 2012 by

What class do you enjoy going to the most at school, the one that you do really well in?  The class I would enjoy the most would be the one where they teach you how to be a social butterfly I would have gotten straight A’s without even trying in a class like that!  Too bad that class most certainly does not exist!  In high school, we have the privilege of picking a few classes that interest us.  However, there are a ton of classes we are forced to take that may not be something we are naturally good at or interested in.   I am sure there are a ton of classes you could think of that you would love to take; it’s just that your school does not offer them as an option.

In school, I always had to work really hard to get straight A’s.  A’s did not come naturally for me.  I did receive mostly A’s but I always wished I would have received all A’s.  Then maybe my parents would have been more excited when I brought home a report card.  Maybe then, I would have felt better about my academics compared to other students in my grade.  In high school, I truly felt tons of pressure to keep up with the smartest students and get straight A’s.  I am very thankful that our Perfect Teacher above does not get discouraged with us when we miss an A here or there.  Our Teacher in Heaven is pleased when He looks down and sees His precious students using their time wisely, studying hard, and doing the absolute best work they can do, bringing glory to God always!

I love when Ava reminds us, “The Father promises that although you may fall temporarily, He will never let you stay defeated.”   It is so true!  If we have done the best we could and still receive anything but an A, we do not need to let our own disappointment get the best of us.  We do not need to live in defeat over anything other than A’s.

We learned in today’s lesson that we must be strong and courageous and do the work, even the work we may not enjoy.  I believe the work that we do not enjoy doing we should pray about.  Think about all of the subjects in school that you do not enjoy one bit.  Ask God to help you find interest in those subjects.  He can turn those not so interesting classes into the ones we wish existed!  We have the power to pray to God to help us concentrate on tests, and help us to use our time wisely as we study.  Let’s thank God for His presence in every aspect of our life…even school!

When we set high expectations for all A’s or feel the pressure of expectations others may have for you, please remember this simple truth:  If you fail to reach those expectations you will only fall into God’s open arms full of comfort, love, and strength to get back up and try again!  God may watch you fall but He will always help you up again.  You may not reach all A’s but with God’s help you will reach a lot more A’s then you would without Him!  When you work your hardest at school for God, even if you do not get an A on paper, God sees an A for your best effort!

Let’s Pray: 

Lord, I thank you for helping us at school.  I pray that as these girls go through the pressure of getting straight A’s that you help them keep their focus on doing their best for you…whatever grade that may be, in your eyes their best is always an A.  Help each one of these girls to rely on you for help.  I pray they are strong and courageous and desire to work hard always for you in everything they do.  Thank you Lord for allowing us to learn new things every day!  We love you and praise YOU, Amen!

Love, Diane

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For the A Daughter’s Worth Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website from clicking the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage.

If you are interested in joining us in our GCH:decaf Teen Girls Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups! Our new study is A Daughter’s Worth! Please email megan@girlfriendscoffeehour.com for more information.

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Resolution for Women: Off Broadway

September 19, 2012 by

 

For the law was given through Moses,

grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

John 1:17 

 

If you didn’t read today’s chapter, you’re probably wondering what in the world a can of WD-40 is doing in our blog today!!  If you did read it, you will know exactly what it’s meant for!  Read on…..

When I read the script Priscilla mentioned in the first part of this chapter, I have to admit that I was feeling a bit uneasy.  Why?  Because I felt like she was talking about the script that was written about my home a few years back.

The Lord is really working in me the last couple of weeks.  Last week, we talked about loving our kids; and the difference between loving them and being their friend.  This week, we are talking about grace in the home.  This chapter, we are talking about expectations / grace within the home.

I admit when I first moved into this home, I had no experience being a step-mom.  I have been a step-child before, but never a step-parent.  I had good and bad experiences as a step-child.  I learned, or rather I thought I had learned, what to do…and what not to do.  But, as life would have it, I realized very quickly that I hadn’t learned anything about step-parenting.

I had it in my head what I thought my new home was going to be like.  My husband and I talked a lot about what my responsibilities would be.  I thought I was going to just walk in and everything would just be peachy-keen!  Not!!

I can go back now and see the reason why things didn’t go so smoothly.  I was bullheaded.  My expectations were extremely high, especially when there had been NO expectations prior to me living in our home.  ANY expectations that I would have had would have been considered too high because of the lack of expectations before me.

To me, I wanted the kids to understand that I was just doing what their dad wanted me to do.  To the boys, they just wanted me to go away, and leave them to do whatever they wanted, as they had been doing for almost two years.

I was an intruder.  I was a spy.  I was a tattle-tale.  I was the enemy in their little world that had been so rudely interrupted!

Grace?  We didn’t know that word back then.  None of us did.  We were one of the most dysfunctional families in the neighborhood.  Neighborhood?  Nooo, in the whole town it felt like!

I expected the fairly tale setting.  I would move in.  We would all love each other.  We would all get along.  We would all have a great time.  And so on…..  WRONG!!!

I and everyone else in this family found out rather quickly that was not to be!

My expectations were to have respect for each other.  You did what you were told to do.  You didn’t bad-mouth each other.  You, in no way, showed violence.  You kept peace in the home.

Some may say that doesn’t sound like my expectations were too high.  But in this home, it was, only because it had never been reinforced before.  Now I come into the home and I was reinforcing these things, and the troops were not happy, at all!!  I was truly the enemy.

I admit now that I blew it.  My expectations should have been adjusted to a lower level, until we learned about each other.  Instead I just marched in and laid down the law.  Wrong way to go about things.  That blew up in my face, and it caused a lot of heartache for all of us.  I take the blame for that.  If I could go back and do it all over again, I would totally do things differently.

The lesson I learned is that each individual in your home has certain capabilities.  The expectations of that person should be based on what that person is truly capable of giving.  No individual should be forced into doing something they are not capable of doing, no matter what.  It should begin with teaching that individual first.  No one can do what they have not learned.  How can they?  They have yet to learn what is expected of them.  They Will Fail!!  And so will YOU, if you insist on them performing something they have yet to learn!

Re-evaluate your expectations of those in your home.  Re-evaluate how you can adjust your expectations to what is capable for each person in your home.  Don’t set the expectations so very high that no one will be able to reach it.  If you do, YOU will be hurt, disappointed, and more!  You will not achieve what you hope to if your expectations are not attainable.  Yes, I agree that we sometimes have to stretch our expectations to help our self and others strive for success.  But, what I am talking about here is setting the expectations so high, that no one can attain them …. To YOUR Satisfaction!

If you want peace, fun, laughter, acceptance, love, and a well oiled family unit, whip out the WD-40 (GRACE) and start spraying the areas where the expectations are too high, so you can loosen up a bit!  Don’t be a drill sergeant like I was!

 

Be a woman resolved to show grace in your home! 

 

Grace is the smile that everyone in your home is waiting to receive from you.

 

Truly if you use the grace card in your home, you will see much better results that I did when I first moved in here.  Today, we still struggle with past hurts because of how high the expectations had been set, and unmet.  We’re a work in progress, but by the grace of God, we are much better than we were back then!!  Praise God!!

 

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Let’s Pray:

Lord, I lift to You each person who is reading this today, and maybe struggling with expectations that are too high in their home, or their work environment.  Maybe they are the ones with the high expectations.  Maybe they need to loosen up a bit.  Maybe they need to learn how to use grace in their home or workplace.  Father I ask You to give them wisdom and discernment on how they can show grace to each person in their life, or how they can set the right level of expectations for their home, or workplace.  Lord, forgive us for the times that we have expected way too much from others.  Forgive us for the times that we have tried to force our expectations onto others.  Help us give grace to those who need to learn from us.  In Jesus’ Name, AMEN.

 

Your Assignment:

Tell us about an area of your life where your expectations need adjusting.  How will you go about changing them, and why?

 

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Reminder… on October 1st, we will begin our brand new Online Bible Study, entitled “Winning Him Without Words” by Lynn Donovan and Dineen Miller.  If you are in an unequally spiritual marriage, you won’t want to miss this study!!

To sign up for this study, please send an email to: Womens@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com and we will send you all the details you need to get started!

Now jump on over to our Facebook Group for the daily activity!! If you do not yet belong to this group, and would like to, send us an email at GirlfriendsCoffeeHour@gmail.com with FB GROUP in the subject line, and we’ll be glad to add you!

 

Living Intentionally to Show God’s Grace,

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