December 23, 2024

Winning Him Without Words: Blessed Doesn’t Mean Easy

November 1, 2012 by

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Roman 8:37

When we are going through a tough time in our lives, it is so easy to just focus on the problem and not the blessing God is trying to show us, or the lesson he would like us to grasp. Sometimes it makes us feel better to dwell on the problem. Tell everyone that will listen how bad things are for us and hope we’ll get some sympathy. But how far does that really get you? You get to hear the “oh, I’m so sorry’s” and the “boy, you sure do get your dose of bad luck” but do those words really solve your problem? Do they make you feel better? Maybe for a minute. But then what? The answer is God dear sisters. If you can take your mind off of your troubles, and instead focus on what God really has in store for you, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Philippians 4:13.

Since you are a member of this study, most likely your biggest problem is your unsaved spouse. You have spent so much time praying for him, thinking of ways you can get your husband to see the light, talking to other girlfriends asking their advice on what to do next. God wants you to stop and refocus your attention on Him. Go to Him with your troubles, ask His advice and then know that He will work on it. It may not be the next day or even the next month, but, you must have faith that God is working. Only then will you find peace.

Like the title of this section suggests, just because you know you are blessed, doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy! It is hard to just trust God, but try thinking of it this way, you know God is in you, right? If God has peace, shouldn’t you? Of course you should. Does God have doubt? No! So you shouldn’t either. Once you start going down that path of doubt, stress and anxiety, stop yourself and say “God is in me, if He has peace, so do I.”

Another way to deal with a trial is to rejoice in it. WHAT? Yep! Be happy God is putting you through a tough time to prepare you for great things. He is making you grow. Going through something hard is God’s way of showing you He is working on your problems and if you will obey His word and patiently trust  Him during that tough situation, when the time has passed, you will come out on the other side stronger and blessed beyond your wildest dreams. If we chose to stay where we are, wallowing in our self-pity and not wanting to see hope, we miss out on the revelation God is trying to show us. Instead of being limited, trust God and be unlimited.

“There is purpose in your pain.” Those are the words God gave to Dineen when they were watching their daughter fight cancer. Wouldn’t it had been easy for Dineen’s family to just sit and question God and even be angry to allow their daughter to suffer through such a horrible disease? Sure. But when she heard the words “there is purpose in your pain” it had to be a relief to her. There is comfort in knowing you are not being put through something so horrible for nothing. I bet we can all look back on our lives and think of a struggle we’ve been through that just seemed unimaginable at the time, but once we were on the other side of the mountain, we were able to see why God took us through it. There is always a purpose. It is so important to remain faithful to God. If we do, we will be so blessed. In our marriage, in our finances, in our parenting. Faithfulness in God brings nothing but blessings.

Dineen says sometimes a mismatched marriage can feel like the fiery furnace like the one Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego went through. But those men kept their faith that God was right there in the middle of it with them and he delivered them without even a hint of smoke on their clothes. God is with you too in the middle of your mismatched marriage. He IS bringing you through it. Just keep your faith. I agree with Dineen when she says, “the key is to stop seeing our mismatched marriage and our husband as problems to be solved and accept both as blessings to be enjoyed.” That is not normally what people do in the natural, is it? But to quote another smart person, Dr. Phil, “how’s that workin’ for ya?” Seriously. How well has it been working for you to think of your husband and your mismatched marriage as a problem. The same can be said on any problem you dwell on. It doesn’t help or fix the issue. But if you can turn your thinking around and see it through God’s eyes, wow. Look out because your whole demeanor is going to change. You will be happy, worry free, stress free. Doesn’t that sound fantastic? I have started to do this in many areas of my life and the transformation in me was almost instantaneous!

I apologize for continuing to quote Dineen, but she has written this section so well and there are so many great nuggets I took away from it, but I am going to leave you with her final thoughts in this section.

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“We discover the ability to laugh and appreciate special moments despite imperfect conditions, and, most importantly, we learn that we are not responsible for the results. God is.” Isn’t that a freeing thought?! You don’t HAVE to be miserable because your husband isn’t saved. You can be happy, you can enjoy him and see him as a blessing like you did when you first met. When you do, you will feel that peace God has already given you. It is just up to you to tap into it!

Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, it is so easy for us to get caught up in our troubles and not want to see the joy in our suffering. Sometimes we want to throw the mother of all pity parties and invite everyone we know. Please speak loudly in our hearts during these times and remind us that you have already supplied us with all the tools we need to make it through any trial or struggle. You have given us joy, hope, faith and peace. Nudge us through our tough times and from now on we will keep our focus on You. You are our greatest blessing. We love you Lord. In Jesus precious name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Sometimes when I am going through a tough time and start sliding down into the self-pity pit, I will make a list of my blessings. When you count up all that God has given you, it makes it easier to see how awesome our God is and to be reaffirmed He has worked wonders in your life. Please list below your blessings. I won’t put a certain number on it, I’ll leave the length up to you.  Let’s show God how grateful we are!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Believe Your Marriage Is Blessed

October 28, 2012 by

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,

and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one.  

Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Mark 10:7-9

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I just wanna celebrate!

 

Will you celebrate with me??

 

This week is my 9th Wedding Anniversary

and my husband and I are taking some time away to celebrate!!

 

 

So my part of this blog today is going to be short, sweet, and simple! 

We didn’t have the opportunity to go away for a honeymoon, nor have we ever had the chance to go away for our anniversary!  So this year, we are taking some time for ourselves and we are headed to a nice little B&B nestled in the woods, where it is nice and quiet!  This time of year here in Wisconsin is BEAUTIFUL!!  The trees are many shades of reds and golds; amber and more!  It is breathtaking!

So while we are away, here is your reading assignment this week!  I hope you have an amazing week!  

Be Blessed,

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– Chapter 5 –

Winning Him Without Words

Reading Assignment

Oct 29 

Believe Your Marriage is Blessed / Mismatchdom – Beverly

Oct 30

Obedience / Plan for Marriage – Jennifer

Oct 31

Biblical Truths – Donna

Nov 1

Blessed Doesn’t Mean Easy –  Sarah

Nov 2

 Discovery / Prayer –  Martha

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If you would like to join us for this Online Bible Study “Winning Him Without Words”, and our Facebook Discussion Group, please click on the “sign-up here” button at the top of the page, and complete the form.  Once we receive your registration, we will be glad to place you!

If you have any questions, or would like to forward a comment on to one of our bloggers, email Christi@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com.

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Winning Him Without Words: Know the Essentials

October 21, 2012 by

 “Then why do you treat him any differently now?

Treat him as if he were a Christian.”  

OUCH!  I wonder how many of us have ever had this epiphany!?!  Men need respect … while women need love.  We women know that we need love.  It makes us feel secure in our relationship.  But have we really truly thought of what respect means to our husband?  As Dineen said, “some even equate respect with love.”

Having respect for our husband means treating him with the utmost kindness. Treat him as you want to be treated.  Do you treat your husband with the utmost kindness; or the way you want to be treated?  Do you let your husband take the lead in the household?  Do you belittle your husband in front of others?  Do you laugh at him in front of others?  Do you add to the stress that he already has? Do you nag him?

God calls us to respect our husbands.  He doesn’t tell us to respect our husband only IF he does this or that; only if he is a good father; only if he is a good provider; only if he shows you love, and so on.  He simply tells us to respect him….period!

Respecting your husband simply put, means that you have chosen to obey God.  When you obey God by respecting your husband, you are showing honor to God!  God never called you to nag your husband.  In fact, in Proverbs 21:9 tells us that it’s better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife.  Proverbs 21:19 tells us that it’s better to live in a wilderness than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife.

From there, we move into the section of the book that talks about our needs.  We have such a way of putting such high demands on our spouse to meet our needs that it’s impossible for him to meet them all!  Then we get frustrated, disappointed, or angry, that he isn’t able to meet these needs. First off, your spouse was never made to meet your every need!  Only God can do that!  Once you figure this out, it takes the pressure off of you both!  You are no longer disappointed in him for not meeting your needs; and he is no longer working so hard trying to figure out how to please you!!  Win-Win Situation for you both!  Praise God!

The one thing that really stood out to me in this chapter though, is the section that talked about his salvation and praying for your husband.  I know how important his salvation is to you.  But I want to ask you something.  I want you to really think about this, too.

“Would you rather your husband have a ‘forced’ relationship with God because you forced him into this with your nagging? Or would you rather he have the kind of relationship that allows him to love the Lord with his whole heart, soul, mind, and strength?” 

I really want you to think about this question today.  The rest of this chapter goes into a lot more things for us to think about, and I don’t want to take away from our awesome ladies who will be blogging the rest of the week.  So with that, I’m going to end my blog here today.  I hope I have given you some food for thought today.

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Here is Your Reading Assignment this Week:

Oct 22 –

Know the Essentials / Our Deepest Needs – Beverly

 Oct 23 –

It’s Not About Us – Jennifer

 Oct 24 –

To Know & Be Known – Donna

 Oct 25 –

God Is the Wild Hope Maker – Sarah

 Oct 26 –

Glue to Hope, Joy, & Peace / Discovery / Prayer – Martha

Don’t Forget! Saturdays with Shandy!

Shandy is taking us through a 6-week journey to prepare our homes for the Holidays!

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Let’s Pray:

Father, thank You so much Lord for loving us the way You do.  Thank You Lord for the spouse you have given each of us.  Lord, allow us to see him through Your eyes.  Allow our hearts to love him the way You do.  Put a guard over our tongue this week Lord, and help us to watch the words that come out of our mouth.  Lord, help us to truly be the kind of wife that You designed us to be for the spouse You have given us. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!

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 God bless you,

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Please email Christi@girlfriendscoffeehour.com if you have any questions, or if you have a private comment that you would like to forward to one of our bloggers in regards to their post that day.

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Winning Him Without Words: Week 3 Review w/ Martha

October 19, 2012 by

This blog is brought to you today by Martha Bush

“What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”   [Mark 10:9]

And with that final scripture spoken over us, we kissed and ran down the aisle to start our new life together.  Yes, the bride with teased hair and the groom with a crew top, wearing a white sports coat is Mr. and Mrs. Glen Bush.  (60’s style fashion)

Never would either of us have thought on that blissful day that the time would come when, what God had joined together, would be disconnected.  No, not by way of divorce; we are still hanging in there 46 years later.  But, a disconnection whereby we were no longer “united as one” emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

The disconnect came in various ways, but the one who brought the biggest disconnect was none other than GOD.   Well, maybe God didn’t directly cause it.  But you see, I was a little confused on how to share my faith around my unsaved husband.

For example:

  • “I bought you a Bible, sweetheart.  Read it, so you can learn more about Jesus.”
  •  “Would you please straighten up your language!   And, for goodness sakes,  put that cigarette out. The Bible says your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.”
  • “Please don’t turn off my Jesus tapes; I’m worshipping.”
  • “You want sex tonight?  Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie.  The Bible says a couple can refrain from having sex when fasting, if they both agree.  You will agree to refrain while I am on this 3 week Daniel fast with my church, won’t you?”

Finally, one day my husband said to me:  “I want my wife back!”  “I want a friend and lover,  not a mother!”

OMG!  I had been on such a spiritual high to save his soul and help him be able to wear a halo like mine that I had totally disconnected from him.  He no longer knew me.

Changes had to be made.  I decided that  if I wanted to Stay Connected with the love of my life, I’d better  INTENTIONALLY take a closer look at what love, “God’s Way,” was all about.

Beverly, Jennifer, Donna, and Sara have painted a beautiful picture of love, “God’s Way” that is sure to help us all Stay Connected with our man as outlined in Chapter 3.

Let’s review their points.

Monday:  “Love is For a Lifetime – –As Beverly pondered what she could possibly share about  “love being for a lifetime”  one word within a sentence on Pg. 56 in our book caught her eye.  “God is freely giving us the secret to a long and joyful marriage.”

The word that stood out to her in that sentence was secret.  From that word, God showed Beverly that the secret to love for a lifetime is in the seven  C’s.

Commitment   Compromise   Communication   Courtesy   Charity   Courtship         The last and best “C” is Christ

Beverly said that a surefire way of maintaining these seven  ”C’s” is to:   pray together as husband and wife on a daily basis. Don’t let busy schedules, the TV, work, or the internet crowd this out. Make it your highest priority to “stay connected” and you will have a prosperous marriage journey that will “last a lifetime”

May we do likewise.

Tuesday:  “All Things Are Not Equal” – –Jennifer  poured out her frustrations about love and staying connected to her spouse.  No doubt, Jennifer’s frustrations are embedded in many of our hearts.

  1.     Why do I always have to give and give without ever getting anything in return?
  2.     Will I always live in this continual bout of frustration?
  3.    Why won’t my husband ever see that I am hurting?
  4.    Why won’t he anticipate my needs?
  5.   Why do I have to cater to HIS needs while mine remain unmet?
  6.   Why won’t he help me in my times of need?

Yes, we often find that All Things are Not Equal in our dream world of having an equal partnership.  So, what is the answer to our frustrations?  

Jennifer summed it up this way:  With God’s help, we can love without expectation. God knows our every need. God knows every ache of our heart. God knows every desire of our soul. I am here to tell you, as hard as this is to grasp, God is the only one who can meet your every need. If you continue to rely on your husband to meet your every need, you will always be disappointed, because your husband is not God.

May we do likewise.

Wednesday:  “Bring on the Bedroom” —Donna brought out that the God-given pleasure in staying connected is:  Intimacy in the Bedroom.

Yes, intimacy is a gift from God for a husband and wife, that brings us pleasure.  But, Donna points to the fact that, life gets in the way, and intimacy goes on the back burner, thus robbing us of this pleasure.  She then challenges us with this statement:  We need to make the effort.

Donna shared a few ideas from her own marriage that has kept intimacy between she and her husband alive.

  • Prayer                                                   Picnic
  • Texting/calling at work                 Candles   (Christi’s choice)
  • Write notes to view at work         Reserve room at hotel
  • Buy a new negligee                         Vacation together
  • Plan a date night                             Attend marriage seminars

May we do likewise

 

Thursday:  “When You don’t Agree” – – Sarah confirms to us that “intimacy in the bedroom” is God’s idea of staying connected by pointing us to The Song of Solomon. This book is dedicated to the story of pursuing love, expressing love, and enjoying love…being able to abandon ourselves to our husbands wholeheartedly and with passion, holding nothing back. God is not a prudish God.  He definitely wants us to enjoy sex!

However, Sarah points us to the reality that we all might have face answering some tough questions about what goes on in the bedroom with our spouse. In short, how far is too far?

Sarah came into agreement with Lynn, our author as to how to answer some of those tough questions.  You need to talk about setting boundaries. Your husband married you because he loves YOU, not what you can do for him sexually. He needs to respect your wishes and you need to do the same for him. But he can never expect you to do things you feel are inappropriate or make you feel ashamed.  If you sit down and talk about what you are both comfortable and not comfortable with, there can be no misunderstandings. The marriage bed is supposed to be a comfortable and enjoyable place to be. Without setting boundaries, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy love making with your husband and that is not what God wants for you.

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Christi added another line of questions that we might be faced with in regards to sexual intimacy.

  1. What about couples who have sexless marriages due to physical problems?
  2. What about those women whose husband has no sex drive?
  3.  What about the couple that realizes that physical problems prevent them from having sex, but they are okay with it?  They love each other anyway.  Is that sexless marriage okay?
  4. If, a sexless marriage is truly acceptable to both parties, is this something God would approve?

Christi suggested a list of books that would help us answer the tough questions we might have.  But, she concludes with:  Whatever you do, PRAY!  Pray the Word of God over your marriage, over your bedroom, over your bed, over your husband’s pillow.  As Sarah suggested above, take the book of Song of Solomon and pray it over you and your husband in 1st person. If you have to, read it out loud when you go to bed together!

Friday:  Discovery/Prayer:  Father God, no doubt as was Esther, we, too, have been brought into the Kingdom for such a time as this.  You have called us to a high calling: “Being a Wife.”  I ask you, in the name of your son, Jesus, to help each of us Stay Connected with our husband, and to live out our life according to 1 Peter 3 before him.  The truths you have revealed to us this week are priceless.  Help us walk them out.  In Jesus name, I pray.  Amen.

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Above all, if you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, and would like to have someone pray with you, please email us at Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com. and one of our prayer team members will contact you.

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Winning Him Without Words: Bring on the Bedroom

October 17, 2012 by
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husbands body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent, and for a time, so you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor 7:3-5
I’m just going to reiterate some of the things written in this part of our chapter:
* This verse, like Lynn says, is God’s perspective on intimacy in marriage. Intimacy is a gift from God, something that we share only with each other. Created by God for marriage.
* It is supposed to be a pleasurable thing for husband and wife.
*We need to make the effort.
Let’s face it when we got married all we wanted to do was make love, for the first few months that’s all we do! But then life gets in the way and intimacy goes on the back burner. We have children and jobs and we get tired after dealing with these things all day. This part of our marriage is important to both of us and we shouldn’t neglect it. That being said and so as not to re-write everything that was written in our study, I want to share with some practical  things with you so you can enjoy and anticipate this vital part of your marriage, making it fun as you do!
The first thing I would have you do is pray! This is important because it puts things into a biblical mindset for you and also gets your heart in the right place.
When I first got married a friend of mine, who had been married for some time, gave me this advice that someone had given her when she married. Write down all the things that attracted you to your husband when you first met and married. It may not all be physical. Just all the good qualities and things that made your heart melt at the sight of him. Then go back and read it often and especially when you know it’s been awhile and you need to be reminded. Then think on those things!
Text him at work or call and leave a message of love for him on his phone. Sometimes I leave a little sticky note in his lunch box for him to find.
Buy a new negligee once in awhile and wear it on a night when it’s least expected and surprise him. I guarantee he will be in the mood!
Make reservations at a restaurant you both like and take him out on a date. Date nights are usually planned by us; so be as creative as you can. Dress to the nines!!
A picnic in the country or at a park you like to go to, just the two of you.
Fom Christi:  There is a candle that I will suggest to you, also.  It’s a Woodwick Candle.  It actually has a wood wick, so when the wick is lit, it crackles while it burns, making it sound like a mini-fireplace!! 🙂  Use this candle, especially if you have children, as a signal to your spouse that you are interested in making love with him that night.  BOTH of you can use this candle in this way!  Light it earlier in the day, so it gives each other time to prep and get the kids taken care of, before that special time alone.
On a grander scale here are some things you can do that I have found are very nice, whether it’s your  anniversary or a special occasion or just because:
I kidnapped my husband once. A week ahead of time I made reservations for dinner and a hotel in the town where my husband works. Then I had a friend drive me to his work and drop me off at his car. I was dressed in heels and his favorite dress and smelled wonderful! I looked GOOD!! When he came out to his car and found me there he was so shocked. I took over the wheel of the car and drove us to the hotel where he showered and changed ( I had packed a bag for him). We went to dinner and just enjoyed being together and the night!!! It was great fun for both of us!
We usually go somewhere for a couple days for our anniversary every year. It usually in our home state, so we don’t go too far, staying at a B&B. We find lots of unique places and it’s something we plan together months in advance and look forward to.
We also make sure to take a weeks vacation together, just the two of us every summer. We plan ahead and make it special by doing something we individually like together for a day. He likes sports, I like shopping. So we each get to enjoy it together. I can handle it for one day and so can he.
Every five years or so we attend a marriage seminar of some sort. It refreshes you and reminds you to think of your marriage as a priority, And they usually touch on the subject of intimacy too.
Let’ face it, day to day life is sometimes boring and we can let that leak into our sex life as well. Plan ahead and think of your husband. Anticipation is the key for us. God intended for us to be intimate, and it’s a very special part of our marriage. Let’s try to keep it alive and well. God says it is good and we should enjoy it!!!
If you are interested in more Date Night / Romance ideas, and you belong to our Facebook Discussion Group, please check the Files section of your group!  There are a ton of great ideas in that section of our your group!
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Lets Pray:
God thank you for our spouses and our marriages. Help us to keep intimate with you and with each other. I pray that we would purpose to keep the intimate part of our marriage alive and well and honoring you. Remind us daily of our love for our husbands. Help us to be creative and loving in our planning for these times. Thank you lord of the gift of intimacy  with our husband. In Jesus name-Amen.
Your assignment:
I have shared a few things that I have done to keep our love alive in our marriage. What things, without giving too much detail, can you say you’ve done or are planning to do to help this part of your marriage to stay alive and well?  Maybe we can steal some of those ideas for ourselves!!!
Many Blessings,
Donna
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