November 5, 2024

Lady in Waiting: Avoiding Bozos

November 28, 2012 by

But, he seemed like such a “nice guy”.  How many times have we heard that?  How many times have I said that myself? I thought I had a Boaz, but after awhile the disguise fell off and the Bozo came out. I think we’ve all been there before.

Like so many things in life the difference between spotting a Bozo from a Boaz boils down to the condition of our hearts. Three aspects actually, our standards, our convictions, and our motives (yes, back to the motives!)

Oh, those motives, they seem to determine so many things in life. But they have such a large impact on our thoughts and actions that we have to constantly evaluate why we are doing things, why we are saying things and even why we  are thinking things. When it comes to dating we have to ask ourselves why we are dating who we are dating. Questioning our motives will impact our standards and our convictions in this situation or in others down the road; I believe that if our motives do not line up with God, then our standards and convictions won’t either.

God already knows why we are doing what we’re doing. He already knows why we’re dating someone. He wants us to see that we deserve more than accepting a date with a bozo because it’s been a long time since we were last taken out.  He knows we deserve more than dating a man who isn’t a Christian because the loneliness is growing in our hearts. He knows that we deserve a Boaz, and that a Bozo is not fit for a daughter of the King.

As a daughter of the most high, we can have standards that line up with His word, and yes those standards are high. But those are the standards our Father set for us, remember He has our best interest in mind, and wants us to have the Boaz that we deserve.

With Love,

Tonya Ellison

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Let’s pray:

Dear Heavenly Father, again we are found examining our motives, why do we do the things we do, and why do we accept the things from people that are less than we deserve? Please help us to examine our motives before we act.  Please help us to line our motives up with Your will and Your word. We are daughters of the Most High, and as such You have set Your standards in place for our Boaz. Please help us embrace these standards, and thank You for only wanting the best for our lives.  In Jesus. Name, amen.

Your assignment:

I love how the Auburn University student wrote down her standards and carried them with her. We are going to refer back to this list for today’s assignment. Are there any characteristics that you want to add to your list? Next, make a list similar to this if you don’t already have one, what qualities and standards do you want on your list for your Boaz. Remember, these are standards that our Father has already placed here for us may seem high, but they are what you deserve.

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Spiritual Monitor

November 22, 2012 by

This year my goal has been to slow down. To take the time to seek God in all that I do and to not rush into words and actions; so when I read this section of the chapter I was excited because it lined up with my slowing down plan. However, I never thought that this plan would extend to my friends and how I reacted when I was listening to their excited stories. But there were a few points that stood out to me in regards to this.

  • “Encourage your friend, instead to wait until she sees how the friendship develops”
  •  Our excitement and the excitement of our friends can distract from developing the relationship with God.
  • Psalm 62:5 “my soul, wait thou only upon God; my expectation is only from Him”
  • Do not run ahead of the Lord in your relationships.

I think that learning these things ourselves first will help us to become spiritual monitors for our friends.

There are three other key things needed to become spiritual monitors, both for ourselves and for our friends. These are 1. A relationship with God, 2, prayer and 3. Love. If we try to reign ourselves in, and tame our tongues without these three factors included, we will not be successful.

Talk about an eye opener for me. I always thought that my excitement for my friend’s stories is what made me a good friend. I thought that sharing the magical what if’s with my friends was what I needed to do to support their dreams and desires. But, in reality I need to be encouraging them to spend time with God and encouraging them to work on developing their relationship with Him, while He develops their relationship with others.

Thousands of needless tears,
Produced by careless cheers,
Assuming that Boaz is finally here,
When the arrival of her prince is not even near…
~JMK

Yes we can encourage our friends, and be excited from them. But we as spiritual monitors should make sure to remind our friends in love that their lives are in God’s hands and to not let their excitement distract them from the one relationship that truly matters.

With Love,
Tonya Ellison

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Let’s Pray:

Dear heavenly father, you have placed people in our lives to be our spiritual monitors. You have place d these people here in the times that our emotions are high and in times when we may not be seeing clearly. Thank you for a loving person to remind us when we’re becoming distracted. Please open our eyes and hearts to their wise words. Please remind us to focus on our relationship with you and trust that you will and that you are working on our behalf in all situations.  In Jesus’ name, Amen

Your Assignment:
Do you have a spiritual monitor? Or have you been a spiritual monitor to a friend? Share with the benefit of this person in your life and how their words blessed you in your situation.

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: The 11th Commandment – Prenuptual Fantasies

November 21, 2012 by

The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not defraud thyself.

 I wanted to look up the meaning of fraud when I started reading this section of the book. The Miriam-Webster dictionary describes the word defraud as depriving someone of something by deception or fraud.  What am I depriving myself of? My contentment. I want more than what I have, I don’t take the time to slow down and pray about a situation before acting on it. I try to convince myself that a situation may be more than what it really is. I am deceiving and defrauding myself.

Sometimes reality gets boring, and sometimes reality can make me feel less than happy when I look at where I am and where others around me might be.

Remember, God wants to protect us, He wants the best for us, but we need to slow down and step back before acting. “To heed the eleventh commandment, you must consciously resist doing another good deed for a man in your life until you know the motive behind your “unselfish” gesture”. The authors of this book aid it beautifully.

Another thing that I try to always remind myself is that God made me to be an emotional person; women in general are emotional and at times these emotions try to get the best of us. We feel a flutter in our hearts and we run with it. We see the possibility for an open door and run through it, without taking the time to see if that is the direction God wants us to go in.

We need to go back to checking our motives. Why am I doing what I’m doing?

The authors also say that “a dedicated Christian should do good deeds, but if you limit your service to the men in your group it will ultimately backfire.” I want to stretch this a little further. If we do good deeds for only a selective few in our circle it will backfire, if we’re doing things for others only to benefit ourselves it will hurt us in the end.

God has our situations in His hands, He will make things happen when they need to happen and he will bring the relationship to us in his timing with the person of his choosing. We need only be willing to let Him. We need to enjoy His gift of contentment.

This doesn’t mean that if we find ourselves interested in a person that we have to run in the other direction. What it means is that we need to seek God. We need to give the situation to Him and pray that his will be done. We need to check our motives before doing good deeds, before jumping into the situation with an open heart.

Remember, a good Christian should do good deeds for those God places in your path. He wants us to show his love through our actions to everyone.

With Love,

Tonya Ellison

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Let’s Pray:

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for everything you have given us. It feels as if life gets boring at times, it feels like the lives of others is more than ours. Please help us to remember that you love us, and that love provides what and who we need. Please help us to recognize when we are defrauding ourselves and help us turn to you. Thank you for creating opportunities in which we can do good for others. Please remind us that we are to help all of your children because you are love. Touch our hearts when our motives are not in the right place. Thank you for your mercy and grace Lord.  In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen

Your Assignment: When you feel the pull of defrauding how do you counteract it? Please share some ideas, scriptures, quotes that you use to remind you to be content with what and who God has placed in your life.

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

 

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Lady in Waiting: Manipulation and Maneuvering

November 14, 2012 by

 

This post is going to boil down to two questions:

1. Are we trying to maneuver and manipulate situations to our benefit ourselves?

2. Or, are we turning our situation over to God and trusting Him to send us the man (job, friend, etc.) He has chosen for us?

 

I find it interesting that we as women will go to many extremes to get what we want.  These extremes are not always manipulative, nor does it involve us “crawling across broken glass” to reach what we want. But nonetheless, we are willing to get very creative when we want something we can’t instantly get our hands on.

I can relate to this because I am a “now” person. I see something I want and I want it now. There are a lot of times where I have to step back and look at the situation, I have to step back and pray about the situation; I need to ask God questions like “do I need this”, “is this for me?” and before I met my husband I had to ask “Is he for me?”

Manipulation is a form of control.

We feel that we can lead a situation in a direction that will benefit us in the way we feel it should.

Our motives may be pure. Simply to position ourselves to better our chances at the attention we seek. Whether this attention is from a man, or an attempt at securing a better position at work, or catching a deal at a store, the bottom line is that with this manipulation and maneuvering we are trying to gain control but we are also trying to take the control from the one person who has the power and desire to work on our behalf.  We are trying to take the control away from God.

Again the two questions we need to ask ourselves: Are we trying to maneuver and manipulate situations to our benefit ourselves? Or, are we turning our situation over to God and trusting Him to send us the man (job, friend, etc.) He has chosen for us?

God wants to bless us, he wants to give u the desires of our hearts, but we have to turn the control over to Him, and trust his timing.

Psalm 84:11

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly

So what do we do in these situations? What do we do when we want something or someone and we don’t have a clear path to that thing or person? Like the authors of the book said, instead of maneuvering the situation we are to do nothing. Give it to God. Be the person He created you to be, we continue to bless those around you as we are commanded to do regardless of the attention it may or may not generate. We trust His time and His plans. And we must pray.

With Love,

Tonya Ellison

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Let’s pray:

Dear Lord,

Thank you. Thank you for having our lives planned out since before we were even born. At times we try to control situations around us; we try to make them work for us. Please forgive us for forgetting that you are working on our behalf and that you have already touched the situation and that it will play out to our benefit.  When we are facing situations in which we want to manipulate the control, please touch our hearts and remind us that you are in control, remind us to bless those around us, because that is what you designed us to do.

In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

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Your Assignment:

Let’s journal today. Lets look at situations in our life that we may be trying to maintain or gain control from God. Journal about it, you don’t have to share this part, but look around and see if there is a person you can focus on blessing rather than focusing on the situation you want to change. Please share this part. This lesson came at a great time of the year, we can turn our situation over to God and our control over to God and we can bless others.

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Emotional, Relational, Spiritual

November 7, 2012 by

I honestly don’t know how to get started here. I didn’t even need to see the sections I was writing on this week before thoughts began to pour into my head, all I needed to see was the word “purity”. And it made me freeze. How can I write to women about purity when I see my past as tainted, when my purity is a thing of the past. Then I got quiet and prayed. This isn’t the first time I have had to use my past to speak to others, and yes I am no longer pure in regards to my physical state, but God has forgiven me and washed me whiter than snow. This is how I can talk about this topic. It doesn’t make it easier by any means!  The consequences of my actions are still something I deal with, but I can stop myself and pray, knowing I am forgiven, and that the lessons learned will help someone else.

I became pregnant with my daughter at 17 and had her when I was 18. I wasn’t married. I have dealt with the emotional, relational and spiritual consequence these sections speak about, I think a lot of us have.

God gave us a gift when he tied our emotions to our physical state.  It enables us to love hard.  It drives us to give our all to the one we’re with. But that gift only works the way it is designed to work when we are with the one God has chosen for us, and under the bond of marriage. It is stated more than once in this section that God wants to protect us; protect us from a broken heart, protect us from condemnation, protect us from fear, from resentment. It also lists doubt, depression, bitterness and mistrust. I remember feeling all of these after purity was no longer one of the characteristics I possessed. He wants to protect our hearts and minds from these negative emotions that sexual promiscuity will bring.

This section further defends the thought that women are complex creations. Yes ladies we are complex, we have many layers, we are hard to understand, and at times we can be complicated. This is not a bad thing. It is part of Gods security system for us. But have you ever set off an alarm by using the incorrect code and haven’t been able to turn it off? That’s what premarital sex does to us. It sets off an alarm that only God can turn off.  But instead of a screaming noise, our emotions, relationships, and spirituality are screaming.  Our internal alarm systems need the right code.

 The code of Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

 The code of Colossians 3:1-2

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above,

where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.

Whether it is one night, or a long term relationship, premarital sex negatively effects three of the most important aspects of a woman’s life. Emotional. Relational. Spiritual. We are God’s ladies in waiting. When situations present themselves that deal with the topic of purity, take a conscious step back and think of the impact it will have on these three areas.

With Love,

Tonya Ellison

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Lets Pray:

Thank you Lord for the security system you have placed within each and every one of us. Thank you for your forgiveness and redemption. Lord please touch our hearts when we are facing different situations and bring to mind how much you value our emotions, relationships and spirituality. Thank you for protecting us.

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen

Your assignment:

I listed some codes I use when I’m faced with certain situations or when Satan tries to remind me of my past.  What are some scriptures you turn to when purity is concerned?

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Online Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Seeking True Love

October 31, 2012 by

True love.

I think these are two words that every woman wants to not only hear, but two words that she wants to feel. As a single woman I felt that I was unable to find true love. As a woman in a failed relationship I felt that what I thought was true love, truly wasn’t  and that true love was something I could never truly feel. The true love that I was seeking always seemed to be out of my grasp.

In retrospect I learned a lesson. Whether I was single, dating, married, divorced. Whatever stage of life I am in there is one person I need to seek true love from. God.  It’s not about where I am in life; it’s about my personal relationship with God. It’s about me seeking him with an open heart, a clean heart. It’s about me seeking him with all of me. It’s about the relationship between my God and me.

Seeking God isn’t some elaborate, grand quest. Like the authors of the book said, it is similar to developing a friendship. We can talk to Him, we can listen for His answers, we can write our thoughts and prayers to Him, and He has written the most beautiful book to us. We can think and meditate on His promises and on His word.  We can set our minds on pleasing Him, and on walking in His will.

Jeremiah 29:12-13

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

His is a true love that we are promised to find. A true love that is unconditional.  Like many promises God makes to us we have a responsibility to do our part. We can seek and find this true love but we must do so with “our whole heart, a clean heart.”  We need to seek God for who He is, not what He can do. We previously talked about motives. Why do I desire to seek God? Because I feel that it will make me look better in God’s eyes and I’ll receive what I’m asking for?  We need to seek God’s face, not just His hand.”

We will find the true love that we seek when we seek God with an open heart, a pure heart and a willing heart.  Despite where we are in our lives, married or single, this true love needs to be the desire of us all. It was promised to us all, and it is our responsibility to be seekers of true love.

God Bless,

Tonya

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Lets Pray:

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the promise of true love. Thank you for an unconditional love. Create in us pure hearts Lord, so that we may seek you with a pure clean heart, with all of our heart, soul and mind. Please teach us how to seek you intimately, teach us how to build a relationship with you. We want to be the woman in Jeremiah 29, the woman who finds you. Thank you for giving us your true love.

In Jesus Name I pray, Amen

Your Assignment:

The first part of this section lists how we can develop a friendship with someone, then compares this to developing a relationship with God. How can you apply these steps to your daily life? How can you apply them to building a relationship with your Heavenly Father?

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Two-Way Conversation

October 30, 2012 by

Today we will be starting meditations. We will do these once or twice a week through the rest of our study. This is to get you to pray about, think about and write about some of the topics that we have been discussing. It is not enough to simply read the individual quotes, write a few words, and then move on. The authors, as well as Jackie and I, encourage you to prayerfully meditate on these powerful truths. As you do so, these meditations can become a powerful resource that will draw you into a deeper level of intimacy with Jesus and prepare you for deeper relationships with those around you.

 

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Some tips for doing your meditations:
• Find a quiet place where you can be alone
• Read each passage several times
• Allow the Spirit to enter into your presence and thoughts

 

Quote from pages 161 – 162 in Lady in Waiting:

Meditative reading is choosing some important practical or speculative truth, always preferring the practical, and proceeding thus: whatever truth you have chosen, read only a small portion of it, endeavoring to taste and digest it, to extract the essence and substance of it, and proceed no farther while any savor or relish remains in the passage: then take up the book again, and proceed as before, seldom reading more than half a page at a time.

It is not the quantity that is read, but the manner of reading, that yields us profit. Those who read fast, reap no advantage, than a bee would by only skimming over the surface of a flower, instead of waiting to penetrate into it, and extract its sweets. Much reading is rather for scholastic subjects, than divine truths; to receive profit from spiritual books, we must read as I have described; and I am certain that if that method were pursued, we should become gradually habituated to prayer by our reading, and more fully disposed for its exercise.

With all that being said, here is your meditation for today:

 

Two-Way Conversation

Have you ever tried to develop an intimate relationship with Jana Jabberbox? She’s the gal that has lots to say and loves to hear herself say it. You try to say something when she takes a breath – which isn’t often – but she keeps right on talking. She never listens. It’s a one-way conversation, and you are left out. Even when someone is very special to you, you do not get too excited with a steady monologue. Listening is an important part of developing a closeness with someone else. If you want to get to know the Lord, you must seek Him not only with a whole, clean, and pure heart, but also with a listening heart.

As you spend time with God during your daily devotional time, learn to listen to Him as you read of His love and thoughts about you in the Bible. Think about what He is saying to you personally. Sit silently and write what impressions come to your listening heart. As you read and study His love letters, the Bible, you begin to see what He really thinks of you and what wonderful plans He has for you. As a result, your devotion grows and grows.

LET’S PRAY
Father God, we treasure our time with you. So many times we talk incessantly about our needs, our wants, our hopes and dreams. We know that you love hearing our cares, but we also know you love to speak to us also. Help us to slow down in our prayer and devotional time so that we can hear from You. It is You who guide us, and without taking the time to listen to the guidance we will become lost. Thank you Jesus for your patience and love as we continue the process of drawing close to you.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT
Please share your thoughts on today’s meditation, either in full or in part, below as well as in our Facebook group. Our hope is that you take the time to journal these meditations so that you have them to look back on and use them to help you grow.

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For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Lady in Waiting: Lady of Devotion

October 28, 2012 by

 

Wow girls!  I can’t believe that we have made it through our first month of our study!  I know it has stretched a lot of us, and it has been difficult for many of us, but ladies – we are doing it!  This is what God wants.  God wants us healed.  He wants us close.  He wants our undivided attention right now.  I am proud of each and every one of you for taking this journey and wanting to be the best you can be, no matter what your marital situation.  Remember, that doesn’t define you, our Lord and Savior does!

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Here is our reading assignment for Chapter 5, you will notice we will be adding some meditations this week, we hope they bless you and help you carve out some time to spend with Him:

October 29:      Lady of Devotion – Jackie
October 30:      Meditation – Michelle
October 31:      Seeking True Love  – Tonya
November 1:    Meditation – Katie
November 2:    An Advantageous Position  – Diane

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LET’S PRAY

Lord Jesus thank you.  Thank you for loving us so completely.  Thank you for continuing to draw us close even when we wander.  I pray for each and every lady in this study.  I know that life circumstances sometimes seem to get in the way of the study, or other things seem more important, but Lord we know that it is time with you that is truly most important.  Help each of us make time to dedicate not only to you, but to this study.  You know each woman’s struggle, you know the challenges they face.  Come along side of them and give them the strength they need to continue.  Thank you Lord, we love you and are so grateful for you.  In Your Name we pray.  Amen

In Him,

Michelle

For the “Lady in Waiting” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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