February 23, 2025

Captivating: Chapter 6 – Healing the Wound – Hemmed In (Pgs 92-98)

February 11, 2013 by

I’m sitting at my computer stirring my coffee, allowing the warmth, and the soft vanilla smell to wake me up on this beautiful morning. I had finished reading the first two sections of the chapter and the words are still working their way into my heart. There are times when I read the book that I will re-read, look up definitions, and look up Scriptures to help me understand what I’ve read. But this morning was different. As I was curled up in my favorite reading and writing spot—the corner of our love seat—the words I was reading were an echo of what God has been speaking to me for quite some time. Hiding wounds and building walls around them is something that I have, unfortunately, become very good at. Some wounds are old while others are still fresh.

I wasn’t letting anyone near these wounds, especially not God. These wounds were destroying my heart, they were starting to show in other areas of my life because I had set up walls, I had refused access. I was taking care of it.

God had to “thwart” me. He had to step in front of me and stop all my ways from working. This summer was the time in my life when I came back to Him, wounded and aching.

I want to clear something up first: I hadn’t strayed so far from Him that I was completely living in the world. I was still going to church regularly.  I was still being kind to others. I was still trying to live the good Christian life.  My wounds were well-hidden. To be wounded, and in need of God’s healing touch, does not mean you have to be the prodigal daughter, the one who has abandoned all of her childhood teaching to go explore the world.  It means that life’s hurts, whether self-inflicted or created by others, are hindering us from being the woman God created us to be.  They are stopping us from truly being ourselves.

These sections hold some very serious topics, it may even feel overwhelming to think of it all at once.  But, if anything is taken from these sections, please let it be these four words…

If you’ll let Him

 Isaiah 61:1-3

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

*Healing. Releasing. Comforting. Providing. Bestowing. Joy-giver. Beautifier.*

We are told why Jesus has been placed on this earth, like the text says, it is not just to offer us salvation and then leave us to our own devices. He has come to continue to make us who we were designed to be. For this, I am so thankful. I am a work in progress. We are a work in progress.

Captivating_Ch6_Blog1This summer I turned to God broken and hurting and He was there to save me…but He is not done. Thank God! Despite our wounds, despite our hurts, despite the past that we as women carry He is not done with us and He will do everything it takes to rescue us and set our hearts free.  If we let Him, He can, will, and wants to be all of these things to us. If we let Him, He will make our hearts whole.

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Let’s Pray:

Dear Heavenly Father, You told us that You came to heal our wounds, to make us beautiful, to free us. Thank You. We try to handle our wounds ourselves. We build walls, we hide them. Healing our wounds is a job for You, Lord. Please forgive us for trusting in our own methods more than trusting Your words, and Your heart. Please help us to take a step back and allow You in to those walled places, those places of pain. Please continue to mold us into the women You designed us to be. I pray for peace, strength, and joy, Lord.  In Jesus’ Name, I pray. Amen.

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Your Assignment:

What are your thoughts on these sections? What touched your heart?  What do you have questions about?

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 If you are interested in joining this online Bible study, please click HERE to sign up.  Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details.

If you are interested in sending a private message to Tonya, please email her at TonyaEllison@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

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Captivating: Chapter 6 – “Healing the Wound”

February 10, 2013 by

Captivating_Ch6

 

I hope studying about the enemy’s ploys last week gave you another way of looking at your struggles and reminded you to keep putting on your armor .  Most importantly I hope it reminded you that there is always hope in Jesus!  I know that my thinking was challenged.  This week we start to work on healing our wounds.  I am looking forward to this more than you know.  Here are our reading assignments for the week:

Monday: Tonya – Healing the Wound – Hemmed In

Tuesday: Tonya – Turning From the Ways You Sought to Save Yourself – We Find Our Tears

Wednesday: Carissa – Forgive – Ask Him to Destroy Your Enemies

Thursday: Michelle –  Let Him Father You – A Deeper Healing

Friday: Edwina– Weekly Review

Saturday: Diane – Love Letters from God

LET’S PRAY

Father, we stand in expectation for what You have for us as we begin week 6. If we are struggling, help us to let our fears go.  We know that the enemy is trying to steal our joy.  We strive to live completely in You and for You.  Show us the lessons we can learn, and grow us in ways we can’t even imagine.  In Your Name, we pray.  Amen.

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If you are interested in joining us for the “Captivating” Online Bible Study, please click HERE.

Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details.

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Life’s Healing Choices: Chapter 6 – Relationships (pgs 166 – 203)

February 10, 2013 by

Choice 6:

Evaluate all my relationships.

Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others.

LHC_Chapter6

Forgiveness isn’t based on a feeling. Think about it, do you ever feel like forgiving someone? Or do you ruminate over ways to get back at them, or hope they get what they deserve? We keep score. We tally up the wrongs and maybe consider what they did right. We spout out “vengeance is MINE” but we forget the last part, ‘Says The Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
This week in Life’s Healing Choices we’ll take steps to mend relationships. Now, this doesn’t mean we will magically have the Hallmark moments, grand reunions, tears of joy from our reconciliations. But it will bring freedom from the harbored emotions when we let it all go in to His hands.

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Colossians 3:13 NLT

Now, if you had asked me at the time what good would come out of my failed marriages, I would have said nothing. Today, I can look back and see God’s guiding hand, bringing me to a healthier place in life. All because of His mercy & love.

When I met my ex-husband, I was ending a bad marriage and an affair … definitely NOT the time I should have been getting involved with anyone else. But he swooped down and took care of me by making me laugh, doing small things to show he appreciated me, surprised me with visits & phone calls. It was the romancing and wooing we all want. Looking back, I should have seen signs that things weren’t going to work out well. Friends joked that he had bad luck, nothing ever turned out well for him, etc. Sometimes he was the brunt of the jokes just because his choices usually led to poor outcomes. But he had explanations for everything (excuses, really), and I wanted the companionship too much to listen. At one point, his mother commented that I was the best thing to ever happen to her son, but she didn’t know what I saw in him. Wow … did I really just hear that from his mom? Hindsight being what it is, I wish I had explored that comment more deeply. Instead, I listened when he told me the relationship with his mom had been strained since his parent’s divorce and he was closer to his dad.

Fast-forward about 4 years and you’ll find us married, raising a new baby, juggling jobs with family life. We quarreled about his excessive time on the computer or role-playing games with friends. He was too distracted to really be a good husband or father. We had just purchased our first home together. Our jobs were solid with promising futures. I had finished a college program; he was just starting one. The bad times seemed justified by the stress around us.

Suddenly, in a flash, it all came crumbling down around me. In the blink of an eye, I learned of lies, inner demons, addictions, and secrets that he had been keeping from me … from everyone, really. This changed everything about my life without my knowledge, agreement or consent! But for the first time in my life, I didn’t blame God. I didn’t curse at Him, demanding to know what I had done to deserve this fate.  I turned to God. I cried out to Him with a desperation I had not felt before, because I knew He was always there for me.

I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me.

He freed me from all my fears.

Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;

no shadow of shame will darken their faces.  

Ps 34:4-5 NLT

During this time, I was embraced by a church community. I learned what God’s “peace that passes all understanding” truly feels like (Philippians 4:7). I learned to lean on Him. I learned to accept help from others around me. I learned to trust again. I learned to love again. I learned to forgive.
I read once that harboring anger, resentment and an unforgiving heart only hurts us. The other person goes on with their life, without a care in the world, completely oblivious to the fact we’re fuming and miserable. We may be angry, but it doesn’t affect their life any anyway. So until we learn to let it go, it continues to eat away at us, hardening our heart more and more with each passing day.

It wasn’t an easy process, I assure you. And, I can’t give a date when it happened. I just know that through the following years, my heart softened as I learned more about my identity in Christ. I accepted more that he needed God’s love more than I needed to hate him. At one time, his dad asked if I could help find a Bible for him. They were not believers or church-going people. Rather than tell them what to buy, or ignore their request, I went out and bought one myself. Yes, I bought a Bible for my ex-husband even after all the pain he caused. I realized that I didn’t want to face God one day and have Him say, “all I wanted you to do was give him a Bible, and you said no.” I was being asked to do a simple task, and I answered His call.  People ask me how I could forgive him for what he did to his family and friends. How could I not knowing the lengths God went to in order to forgive me? Romans 3:24 CEV

But God treats us much better than we deserve, and because of Christ Jesus, he freely accepts us and sets us free from our sins.

I stood before a judge and gave my testimony, something called a “victim’s impact statement.” I shared the details of that fateful day. I recalled the excuses and lack of responsibility my ex-husband displayed. And, I shared that I forgave him and how it was by God’s grace that I could stand before them that day. It was the last time I saw my ex-husband face to face. I will never forget the past, and there are days when the pain is still felt and the sorrow washes over me. But the good news is that I don’t harbor the resentment, the animosity … the hatred that initially consumed me. All credit for this transformation of my heart goes to God, and God alone.
This week, we’ll explore more on making amends.

Reading Assignment for Week 6: Chapter 6 of Life’s Healing Choices
Monday: Laurie will discuss Principle 6: The Relationship Choice
Tuesday: Leslie will discuss How do you forgive Others (& Self)?
Wednesday: Kim will discuss Repair by Making Amends
Thursday: Amy will discuss Make The Choice
Friday: Laurie will bring it all back home with a recap of our week

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Let’s Pray:
Lord, we cannot begin to thank You enough for the gift of Your forgiveness through Jesus Christ. To know You gave Your Son on our behalf gives us strength to extend grace and mercy to those who have offended us. It’s not an easy task, but it is something we strive for through our healing process. We know that letting go of the pain and resentment is necessary so that we can become more like You. Bless all who read and follow our study this week. Amen.

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Power Verses for Chapter 5:
Luke 6:31-37
Hebrews 10:24
Philippians 2:4
Romans 12:17-18
Matthew 5:23-24
1 Peter 5:10
Colossians 3:13
Romans 8:31
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

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If you are interested in joining us for the “Life’s Healing Choices” online Bible study, click HERE to sign up.

Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details.

If you would like to email Amy in regards to this blog, please email her at:

Amy@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

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Captivating: Chapter 5 – There is Hope (pgs 89-91)

February 7, 2013 by

We have heard a lot this week about the hatred for us as women, and how hard the enemy is trying to get to us.  This is very important, something we need to be aware of so that we can be prepared when under attack.  But what I want to leave you with as we finish this chapter is that all is not lost.  There is hope.  When we put our faith in Jesus, there is always hope.

I love what the book of Romans has to day about hope:

 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:2-5

 Amen my sisters.  HOPE DOES NOT PUT US TO SHAME.  Do not let the trials we face cause you to cave.  Let it bring you to your knees, to the feet of our Great Redeemer.  In Him we receive our hope.  You are passionately loved by the God of the universe. And my wish for you is that, May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. (Romans 15:13)

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Captivating_Page 91

LET’S PRAY

Dear Father, I have a special prayer today for every woman You have brought here. Some women have been wounded by the special hatred the enemy has for her. I pray that each one will see the enemies lies for what they are. Lord, reveal to them the awesome beauty, strength, love and power that You have blessed them with. Have them feel the truth and hope You have to offer.  In Your Heavenly Name I pray.  Amen.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT

The authors of this book stated, “You really won’t understand your life as a woman until you understand this: You are passionately loved by the God of the Universe.  You are passionately hated by His Enemy.”

With that in mind, we also need to remember:  As the daughter of the most High King, we have been given all power over the Enemy!  We have been chosen the Most High King, sought out, pre-destined, from the beginning of time.  Jesus came so that we could be healed from our brokenness!  It’s time to run to Him!

Are you beginning to believe it?

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If you would like to join us for this amazing online Bible study, click HERE.  Once we receive your registration, we will email you further instructions.

If you would like to send Michelle a private a message in regards to this blog, please email her at: Michelle@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

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Crazy Love: Chapter 5 – Serving Leftovers to a Holy God (pgs. 90-94)

February 6, 2013 by

In this part of the chapter Mr. Chan really challenges us to re-think what we are offering to God. Are they leftovers? Or are what we offer truly given out of a heart solely wanting to give the best of everything we have to God, our first fruits? Is it the best we can give? I know I was really convicted when I read this! I am examining everything.  I was thinking about when I get up in the morning,  Do I quickly pull out my Bible and give God the first minutes of my day before everything comes crashing in? Or I do I think about what’s on my plate today and put it off ’til later when I think I might get a minute? (Honestly, I never find that minute!)

I grew up in a family of seven people. Because my dad grew up on a farm, dinner was always a big meal. Lots of meat, boiled potatoes and veggies. Most of the time both parents had to  work and we had five growing kids. There was always a little something left over to put in the refrigerator for another day. Once a week at our house was “leftovers night.” YUK!  I hated leftovers! Not all things you warmed up the second time tasted good. In fact, I didn’t like most of them. It was always a race with my brothers to get the best of them. Dry meat, soggy vegetables and fried potatoes were not my favorites. Sometimes I just skipped dinner because I didn’t really care for anything on the table. To this day I try to cook just the right amount of food, so there won’t be any leftovers. Can you tell I’m not a fan??

If I am giving to God the kinds of things I don’t like or skip because I don’t even like them, what does that say about how God feels about them? What does it say about me? I think it says that I’m serving Him things that are sub-standard. OUCH!!! It calls into question my commitment and love for Him. Do I really love God and put Him first in all I do and say? Or do I feel like a liar, as Mr. Chan says? If I am to represent what love is to other people, how can I truly do that when I haven’t first given the best to the Author of love?  It’s very humbling when you think that God has already given us His sacrificial best in Jesus, doesn’t it?

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 we read the example of what God means by real love. Francis Chan challenges us to put our names in place of the word “love.”  How do we measure up against these words? I’m afraid I fail miserably at times in this. I am committed, though, to work at this more and more. I want to love like God loves me. With an abandon and an unreserved feeling!  I want “Perfect Love” to reflect out of me…so people know it’s God.

Mr. Chan also shares a line from Mark Buchanan’s writings. He says, “Physical sickness we usually defy. Soul sickness we often resign ourselves to.”  Did any of you get the flu this winter? How many of you got a flu shot? There is no vaccine for soul sickness. I had the stomach flu for a week and a half. By the time I was done I was weak, tired, and just wanted to be done with it. I fought it every step of the way. I didn’t want to be sick! Why don’t I fight “soul sickness” with the same resolve? Why don’t I come out with my spiritual dukes up and fight it with all my might? I don’t want to be like the church in Laodicea, I need to acknowledge that I desperately need what Christ has offered. And what Christ has offered is a real commitment, real love—no leftovers! It’s the “shot” for soul sickness that is there for the asking. Can we ask Him for it? Who knows what could actually happen when we are giving God all the first fruits of our life without holding anything back? It gives me “Holy Ghost Shivers” just thinking about it! Now to put it into practice….

In Christ, Donna

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Let’s Pray:

Father God, today we pray for our hearts to be willing to give You our first fruits not our leftovers. We pray for Your cure for our Soul Sickness. We dedicate ourselves to truly love and show love to others the way You have authored it. Touch every woman reading this today and help us all to renew our commitment to You. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Substitute your name in the verses in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.  Pray over it and have God reveal to you how you can change the way you measure yourselves in these verses. Ask Him to show you how it can be done. It could be life changing. Share with us, if you wish, how God is leading you.

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If you are interested in joining this amazing online Bible study for Crazy Love, click HERE to sign up. Once you are registered, you will receive an email with further details.

If you would like to email a private message to Donna in regards to this blog, please email her at: Donna@girlfriendscoffeehour.com.

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Captivating: Chapter 5 – Further Assault – What’s Going On

February 5, 2013 by

I love history.  I love to know how things were in time past, and how those things affected present times. I think that knowing about history is vital to understanding the world today; I feel that the same applies for us as people. Our history explains so much of our present.  It answers a good deal of the “why” questions, as individuals and as women as a whole. Our history may be different depending on the generation we were born in, the country we call home and even our family dynamics, but there is one common factor: women have not always been the most liked or respected of God’s creations. Stasi and John go as far as to use words such as “special hatred” and “diabolical” when referring to society’s general opinion of women.

No, the thought of our history does not bring on a warm fuzzy feeling, and it leaves me scratching my head in wonder of how thoughts and opinions could come to pass in the first place. But, like so many other things in life, I don’t have the answers and there is only one thing I am left to do. Turn to God.

There are three things that I can rely on when it comes to explanations I wish I had, but don’t.

1.         God allowed this history to be what it is for a reason.

2.         God knows what He’s doing.

3.         He’s doing it for a reason.

Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Despite what our history was…or how it leads those around us and in society to see/feel about women…please rest and be assured that God’s plan is playing out.  His will is being done and we are living according to His purpose.  Don’t look past the history, don’t look past the influence it has on our world today, and don’t overlook God’s hand in that history.

With love,

Tonya

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Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, we don’t know why things happen in this life. We don’t understand why people think the way they do, or have the opinions about women that they have. What we do know is that Your will is being done. “All things work together for good to those who love God.” Thank You for this promise.  Thank You for Your love.  In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Our history has been a troubled place. How has the past of women shaped your way of thinking, if at all?

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If you are interested in joining this online Bible study, please click HERE.  Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details.

If you are interested in sending a private message to Tonya in regards to this blog, please email her at:  TonyaEllison@girlfriendscoffeehour.com.

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Captivating: Chapter 5 – The Whole Story (A Special Hatred intro)

February 4, 2013 by

I can relate to Stasi’s story during the introduction of this chapter—not in relation to gardening—but to various other “assaults” in my life.  I can recall the first few events happening, words being said; in other words, the first few “hail stones” falling. I can recall watching the damage happening from afar but feeling as if I was powerless and couldn’t do anything. And I remember standing in the middle of the destruction, asking myself question after question. The loudest question being “Why?”

I am a firm believer in taking time in stepping back to look at the whole story. Taking the time to see all the who’s, what’s, when’s, where’s and why’s of a situation.  It doesn’t mean that I am going to change my opinion of a situation or change my actions, but I like to know the whole story.  In school when we were told to read a passage, I would read some above and below that passage to get a better understanding. When I read a Scripture in the Bible, I do the same. I read a few more verses above and below the highlighted one.

Looking more into the story at either end can answer questions we are holding in our minds, it can clarify confusion, or bring a hidden part of the situation to light. When I’m reading, I like to find one or two things in the material that especially stand out to me, that touch my heart. Today it was these words:

“But, in order to understand the lingering doubts in your own heart regarding your femininity, in order to understand why it is so rare to encounter a truly alive and vibrant woman, you must hear more of the story.”

We must hear more of the story. While doing this can answer questions and help to reveal some of the unknowns, it can also bring to light things we have tried so hard to forget. I urge each and every one of us to be willing to look at more of the story—more of our story.  I take great peace in knowing that this journey may be tough at times, but the Author of our stories is walking along with us.

All who hate me whisper against me,

Imagining the worst for me.

Psalm 41:7 (NLT)

Read more of the story…

I know you are pleased with me,
for you have not let my enemies triumph over me.
You have preserved my life because I am innocent;
you have brought me into your presence forever.

Psalm 41:11-12 (NLT)

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Let’s Pray:

Dear Heavenly Father, our stories are sometimes things we choose to hide. To step back and look at the various assaults in our lives can bring pain that we have tried hard to hide, and forget. As we see in Your Scriptures, Lord, looking at the whole story can bring peace and understanding; it can bring healing. Give us courage and peace as we walk these journeys, as we look more into the story to find answers for questions we have had for a lifetime. Thank You, Lord, for walking with us. Thank You for not leaving us to do this alone. In Jesus’ name we pray.  Amen.

Your Assignment:

Looking into more of the story can be an intimidating task. What is your initial reaction on doing this? On looking at the whole story?

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If you are interested in joining this online Bible study, please click HERE to sign up.

Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details.

If you are interested in sending a private message to Tonya, please email her at TonyaEllison@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

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Captivating: Chapter 5 – A Special Hatred (Reading Assignment)

February 3, 2013 by

Happy Sunday, Ladies!

This week we will be reading and sharing on Chapter 5: A Special Hatred. We will be looking at the way the enemy fights so hard against women. In order to live the life that Jesus wants us to live, we must be aware that we have an enemy who is busy trying to steal, kill, and destroy our lives. Let’s stand up to this assault and really embrace this chapter.

 

Monday: Tonya – A Special Hatred (Intro)
Tuesday: Tonya – Further Assault through What is Really Going On Here
Wednesday: Carissa – A Special Hatred through On a Human Level
Thursday: Michelle – There Is Hope
Friday: Edwina – Weekly Review

LET’S PRAY:

Father, we stand in expectation for what You have for us as we begin week 5. If we are struggling, help us to let our fears go.  We know that the enemy is trying to steal our joy.  We strive to live completely in You and for You.  Show us the lessons we can learn, and grow us in ways we can’t even imagine.  In Your Name, we pray.  Amen.

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If you are interested in joining us for the “Captivating” Online Bible Study, please click HERE.

Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details.

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Captivating: Chapter 4 – Wounded Femininity – Unholy Alliance

January 31, 2013 by

Shame

Shame is a powerful word.  To me, it is one of those words that means so much more than the definition reveals.  According to dictionary.com, shame is “The painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another.”  The painful feeling; yes, pain being the key word.  Many of us have had something unpleasant happen to us in our lives.  Something that makes us feel “less than”—less than what my family needs…less than what the boy is asking for…less than what God wants from me.  It is what we do with those feelings that define our outlook.

When we turn those feelings of “less than” into BELIEFS that we actually are less than, then shame is born.  God doesn’t want us to live in shame.  Shame makes us hide, makes us think that we are not worthy.  Not worthy of meaningful friendships, not worthy of voicing our opinions, not worthy of love.  We are not even comfortable in our own skin.  We are so worried we will get hurt again; we just pack ourselves away and play it safe.  This is a very lonely place to be.  As daughters of The King, we need to fight these thoughts that do not speak truth into our hearts.

Created for MoreAs Romans 10:11 tells us “As scripture says, ‘Anyone who believes in Him will never be put to shame.’”  This is the life He has for us if only we believe.  Some of us may have trust issues, even with God, but now is the time to change that.  Start praying today, right now, and ask God for forgiveness for putting your trust in yourself rather than in Him and then ask for His help.  He wants you to be free of any feelings of inadequacy.  You were created for more.  You are His creation.  No matter what you have done, no matter what pain you have endured, no matter where your thoughts have taken you, once you confess your sins He sees you as pure as snow.

As we read in Isaiah 1:18, “Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson they shall be like wool.”  Let it go, my sisters!  Free yourself to live completely in the life the Lord intended for you.  This is my prayer for you.

LET’S PRAY

ABBA Father, thank You that You love us no matter what. Please forgive all our sins and, Father, please help us to forgive ourselves and overcome all the unnecessary feelings of guilt and shame.  Thank You for hearing and answering our prayers. In Your Holy Name we pray, Amen.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT

Our wounds often cause us to feel shame and hide ourselves. Do you ever feel this? In what ways are you aware that you are hiding these days?

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If you are interested in joining this Online Singles Bible Study, click HERE.  Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details.

 If you would like to send Michelle a private email in regards to this blog post, you may email her at:  Michelle@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

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Life’s Healing Choices: Chapter 4 – Make The Choice

January 31, 2013 by

MAKE THE CHOICE

Search usSearch me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life (Psalm 139:23, 24).

This week’s activities will bring memories to the surface that may have been ignored (or forgotten) for years.  But Jesus promised that the truth will set us free (John 8:32 NLT). So without further delay, let’s get started!

PRAY –

Dear Lord, it is so difficult to look within and admit our hurts.  We guard our hearts and deny the pain because it just hurts too much.  Look within us and guide us through this week’s activity.  Help us be honest with ourselves about the pains we’re hiding, the effects others have had on our lives, and even what we’ve done to others.  Our heart’s desire is to be healthy, to shed the negative emotions that hold us back.  We know that the only way to truly be free is to face our fears and find strength in You.  Give us the strength to discuss with our trusted friends.  Thank you for loving us through it all, no matter what.  Amen.

WRITE –

John Baker outlines on page 116 steps to working through our past hurts through a personal inventory.  You will need several sheets of paper to complete the inventory.  Because of the detailed instructions Baker provides, I will be using his descriptions for this step.

Using a piece of paper, create 5 columns and label at the top: The Person, The Cause, The Effect, The Damage, and My Part.

The Person – List the person or object you resent or fear.  Go back as far as you can.  Remember that resentment is mostly unexpressed anger, hurt or fear.

The Cause – It has been said that ‘hurt people hurt people.’  List specific actions someone did to hurt you.

The Effect – Write down how that specific hurtful action affected your life in the past and in the present.

The Damage – Write down which of your basic needs were injured.  Social: Have you suffered from broken relationships, slander, or gossip?  Security: Has your physical safety been threatened? Have you faced financial loss?  Sexual: Have you been a victim in abusive relationships?  Has intimacy or trust been damaged or broken?

My Part – You need to honestly determine and write down the part of the resentment (or another sin or injury) that you are responsible for.  Ask God to show you your part in a broken or damaged marriage or relationship, a distant child or parent, or maybe a job loss.  List the people you have hurt and how you specifically hurt them.

In 1973, I was a free-spirited 4 year old who didn’t have a care in the world.  I don’t remember much about this time, except for one thing—returning home with my mom, from a visit to my grandparents, to find our home empty.  I remember my mom going from room to room, and the confusion I felt as she looked through everything.  My dad had left.  Packed his things, and just left.  No word, no comment, no goodbye.

On my birthday in 1979, I was getting ready for a sleep over with a couple girlfriends when the phone rang.  My step-dad yelled up for me, “Amy, your dad’s on the phone.”  What?  What did he mean, “My dad’s on the phone?”  I hadn’t heard from my dad in 6 years.  I went to the kitchen to see my mom crying—the only time I’d seen her cry up to this point was because of my dad.  I picked up the phone, and heard the voice.  Yes, it was my dad.  I was shell-shocked, quiet, and I’m sure I must have been confused and angry, too.

I never realized the impact these events would have on my life until I was in my mid-30s.  I had superficial friendships, a desire to know-everything-and-be-perfect, and was facing my first significant depression.  I learned how guarded I was with my heart, because I was convinced that if my dad could leave me, certainly others (less vested in my life) would leave me too.  But if I proved to be invaluable with my knowledge, my skills, my talents…people would HAVE to keep me around!  I was miserable.  I was doing everything to please other people, to make them like me, and I ended up not liking myself.  Through this process, I had relationships that didn’t work (I ended them before they could so I would have control).  I doubted God’s true feelings for me (sure, He says He loves me but so did my dad). 

There’s so much more I could say on how this affected my life, but that’s not the real story.  Having the ability to put aside the hurt and realize that it wasn’t about me.  My dad didn’t leave because of me, and nothing I could have done at the age of 4 would have changed his heart or his mind.  He has his own hurts to deal with and I can’t do it for him.  What I can do is forgive him and move forward.  But I also need to release my misplaced guilt and shame … and truly embrace the truth, “It wasn’t about me.”

God blessed my life with an amazing man in 1976, my stepdad who was, for all intents & purposes, my “dad” for 27 years.  I walked beside him when I got married.  He cradled my daughter as a newborn.  I held his hand in his last days, and heard him whisper “thank you” (the last words he spoke to me).  The day that he passed into God’s glory, my father called me to give his condolences, and added, “I couldn’t have picked a better man to raise you.”  To this day, there is so much power in that phrase that I cannot even begin to express.

Just as those words from my father bring a peace to my heart, I can trust God, The Father, when He says He will never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:46).  I can trust that I am God’s child (John 1:12), I am complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10), I am free forever from condemnation (Romans 8:1-2), I am God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10), and so many more of the promises found in His Word.

SHARE –

Take time with your trusted friend to go through what you wrote in your inventory.  The lists you created are no one’s business but yours, God’s and the person with whom you choose to share it with. 

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Power Verses:
1 Peter 5:10 NCV
Psalm 139:23, 24
John 8:32
Hebrews 13:46
John 1:12
Colossians 2:10
Romans 8:1, 2
Ephesians 2:10

Lord, thank You for being a loving and personal God who allows us to come to Him with our hurts.  You have adopted us as Your own children.  We know that nothing we experience is unknown to You.  Everything has passed through Your hands before we see it.  Help us work through our hurts in an open and honest way, to uncover those emotions & events we’ve been trying to hide for so long.  Jesus said that we will know the truth, and the truth will set us free.  We cling to this hope and ask for Your truth to shine upon us.  Thank you, Lord, for loving us as only a good Father can.  Amen.

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