March 28, 2024

Life’s Healing Choices: Chapter 4 – Make The Choice

MAKE THE CHOICE

Search usSearch me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life (Psalm 139:23, 24).

This week’s activities will bring memories to the surface that may have been ignored (or forgotten) for years.  But Jesus promised that the truth will set us free (John 8:32 NLT). So without further delay, let’s get started!

PRAY –

Dear Lord, it is so difficult to look within and admit our hurts.  We guard our hearts and deny the pain because it just hurts too much.  Look within us and guide us through this week’s activity.  Help us be honest with ourselves about the pains we’re hiding, the effects others have had on our lives, and even what we’ve done to others.  Our heart’s desire is to be healthy, to shed the negative emotions that hold us back.  We know that the only way to truly be free is to face our fears and find strength in You.  Give us the strength to discuss with our trusted friends.  Thank you for loving us through it all, no matter what.  Amen.

WRITE –

John Baker outlines on page 116 steps to working through our past hurts through a personal inventory.  You will need several sheets of paper to complete the inventory.  Because of the detailed instructions Baker provides, I will be using his descriptions for this step.

Using a piece of paper, create 5 columns and label at the top: The Person, The Cause, The Effect, The Damage, and My Part.

The Person – List the person or object you resent or fear.  Go back as far as you can.  Remember that resentment is mostly unexpressed anger, hurt or fear.

The Cause – It has been said that ‘hurt people hurt people.’  List specific actions someone did to hurt you.

The Effect – Write down how that specific hurtful action affected your life in the past and in the present.

The Damage – Write down which of your basic needs were injured.  Social: Have you suffered from broken relationships, slander, or gossip?  Security: Has your physical safety been threatened? Have you faced financial loss?  Sexual: Have you been a victim in abusive relationships?  Has intimacy or trust been damaged or broken?

My Part – You need to honestly determine and write down the part of the resentment (or another sin or injury) that you are responsible for.  Ask God to show you your part in a broken or damaged marriage or relationship, a distant child or parent, or maybe a job loss.  List the people you have hurt and how you specifically hurt them.

In 1973, I was a free-spirited 4 year old who didn’t have a care in the world.  I don’t remember much about this time, except for one thing—returning home with my mom, from a visit to my grandparents, to find our home empty.  I remember my mom going from room to room, and the confusion I felt as she looked through everything.  My dad had left.  Packed his things, and just left.  No word, no comment, no goodbye.

On my birthday in 1979, I was getting ready for a sleep over with a couple girlfriends when the phone rang.  My step-dad yelled up for me, “Amy, your dad’s on the phone.”  What?  What did he mean, “My dad’s on the phone?”  I hadn’t heard from my dad in 6 years.  I went to the kitchen to see my mom crying—the only time I’d seen her cry up to this point was because of my dad.  I picked up the phone, and heard the voice.  Yes, it was my dad.  I was shell-shocked, quiet, and I’m sure I must have been confused and angry, too.

I never realized the impact these events would have on my life until I was in my mid-30s.  I had superficial friendships, a desire to know-everything-and-be-perfect, and was facing my first significant depression.  I learned how guarded I was with my heart, because I was convinced that if my dad could leave me, certainly others (less vested in my life) would leave me too.  But if I proved to be invaluable with my knowledge, my skills, my talents…people would HAVE to keep me around!  I was miserable.  I was doing everything to please other people, to make them like me, and I ended up not liking myself.  Through this process, I had relationships that didn’t work (I ended them before they could so I would have control).  I doubted God’s true feelings for me (sure, He says He loves me but so did my dad). 

There’s so much more I could say on how this affected my life, but that’s not the real story.  Having the ability to put aside the hurt and realize that it wasn’t about me.  My dad didn’t leave because of me, and nothing I could have done at the age of 4 would have changed his heart or his mind.  He has his own hurts to deal with and I can’t do it for him.  What I can do is forgive him and move forward.  But I also need to release my misplaced guilt and shame … and truly embrace the truth, “It wasn’t about me.”

God blessed my life with an amazing man in 1976, my stepdad who was, for all intents & purposes, my “dad” for 27 years.  I walked beside him when I got married.  He cradled my daughter as a newborn.  I held his hand in his last days, and heard him whisper “thank you” (the last words he spoke to me).  The day that he passed into God’s glory, my father called me to give his condolences, and added, “I couldn’t have picked a better man to raise you.”  To this day, there is so much power in that phrase that I cannot even begin to express.

Just as those words from my father bring a peace to my heart, I can trust God, The Father, when He says He will never leave me nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:46).  I can trust that I am God’s child (John 1:12), I am complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10), I am free forever from condemnation (Romans 8:1-2), I am God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10), and so many more of the promises found in His Word.

SHARE –

Take time with your trusted friend to go through what you wrote in your inventory.  The lists you created are no one’s business but yours, God’s and the person with whom you choose to share it with. 

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Power Verses:
1 Peter 5:10 NCV
Psalm 139:23, 24
John 8:32
Hebrews 13:46
John 1:12
Colossians 2:10
Romans 8:1, 2
Ephesians 2:10

Lord, thank You for being a loving and personal God who allows us to come to Him with our hurts.  You have adopted us as Your own children.  We know that nothing we experience is unknown to You.  Everything has passed through Your hands before we see it.  Help us work through our hurts in an open and honest way, to uncover those emotions & events we’ve been trying to hide for so long.  Jesus said that we will know the truth, and the truth will set us free.  We cling to this hope and ask for Your truth to shine upon us.  Thank you, Lord, for loving us as only a good Father can.  Amen.

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Lady In Waiting: Match Made In Heaven

As I re-read these six paragraphs for the third time now, I remember the thoughts the Lord put on my heart after reading this for the first time almost two years ago.  I highlighted many sentences, BUT this particular one stuck out, “courageously determine to pursue Jesus with your whole heart, soul, and mind”.  I had never heard it put like that before.  Those words changed me.  It was then I started to think about what a relationship with Jesus could be like.  Surely it couldn’t be like having a husband here on Earth, could it?  I remember specifically asking God that question.  Over the next few months He gave me reason after reason why it is not like having an earthly husband, IT’S BETTER.

I know what you are thinking because I thought the same things.  How can God hug me when I need a hug?  How can God really talk to me?  How can I ever have my dream wedding with God?  The Lord showed me the answers to all of these questions, and much more.

I have felt the Lord hug me before, His hugs are real.  It has been few and far between, BUT I tell you what, it was the BEST feeling I have ever felt.  I am confident HIS hug feels better than a husband’s hug.  The Lord talks to me every day.  He talks to me through His LIVING word, through the nudges he puts on my heart and through prayer.  We talk face to face, I just cannot see His face, but He sees mine!  Ok, here comes the tricky one, the dream wedding.  SIDE NOTE: Prior to reading this chapter, I had never thought of God being my “fiancé” this revelation intrigued me, and it also changed my dreams into God’s dreams for me.  Post having this revelation, I trust completely in the statement “The Lord gives me the desires of my heart” (Psalm 37:4).  This does not mean I will definitely get the wedding I have always dreamed of.  This statement means I will DEFINITELY get the life God has dreamed of for me.

Let this sink in and let’s think about this quote on page 22 “It will require a determined heart and more than a little courage to wrench ourselves loose from the grip of our times and return to biblical ways”.  Our times say you have to be married to be happy, you are miserable without a man to love you, and hold your hand.  You are incomplete without having a house full of kids and a perfect husband to go along with it.  Turn on television and all you see are “couples” that validate these ideas.  Watch any romantic movie and it leaves you falling for a false sense of what real love and real relationships are all about.  Look at the Bible and you will see the truth.  Nowhere in the Bible does it support the idea that you need a man to be happy, complete, or satisfied.  In fact, the Bible tells us, all we need is God.

Colossians 2:10

So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.

Philippians 4:19

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 63:5

You satisfy me more than the richest feast. I will praise you with songs of joy.

I know there are some of us, including me at times, that know these truths, and are comforted sometimes by the words the Lord and loved ones give us.  But what about the times these words are just not enough because we still are eating alone on a Friday night?  We are still missing something to make us feel complete in Christ.  The Lord spoke to me my missing piece, “You were created for more than a marriage here on Earth; YOU were created for a perfect marriage in Heaven with ME, your Heavenly Bridegroom”.  WOW, Thank you Jesus for being my match made in Heaven.  When the encouraging words no longer bring me comfort the Lord’s words always will.  Knowing that I am created for God, for HIS purpose, for OUR relationship- will always be enough for me, even on the nights I have to order take out for one.

This is what God has shown me will bring a lasting comfort and how we can truly be satisfied solely in our heavenly fiancé.  We must train our mind, body, and soul with heavenly training.  We must go on a journey to find your satisfaction in God alone.  You must not sulk about having a ring less finger; you must EMBRACE the perfect, never-ending love of your perfect fiancé in Heaven.  When your mind gets filled with thoughts or feelings that are not from God, you must pray instantly and get rid of those thoughts.  Vow to God to love Him first, and to trust Him to guide you in the plan He has for you.  Pray about the desires He has for you.  Learn those desires, accept those desires, and live out those desires.  That is where you will be the happiest and feel His hugs!

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LET’S PRAY:

Lord, I thank You so much that You love us perfectly.  I thank You that You have a beautiful plan for us.  I ask that You help each and every one of us to live for YOU alone.  I ask that You get rid of any desires that we have that are not what You want for us.  We trust that Your desires are not only best for us but will also bring us the fullest measure of joy when lived out.  I ask for Your continued comfort and that we are able to experience Your hugs!  We love You so much, Amen.

You’re Assignment:  

Please answer any of the questions in the comment section below.  What is your missing piece?  Is it the same as mine?  Do you believe God really is your match made in Heaven?

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God Bless, 

Diane