May 2, 2024

Resolution for Women – Hopes and Fears

September 5, 2012 by

If your husband were to describe your marriage to a stranger, what do you think he would say?  If he were to describe you, as his wife, to this stranger, what do you think he would say?

Last night, Girlfriends Coffee Hour hosted a conference call with two women who have both been married 30+ years.  In today’s society, 30 years is an amazing feat!  Together these two women shared much wisdom!  I would like to reiterate what was shared on this call because it just fits perfectly with this chapter of The Resolution for Women.

The keys to a successful marriage:

  • Jesus has to be the foundation.  Without Him, our foundation will not be secure and stable.
  • Choosing is critical to a successful marriage.  Choosing to love him, respect, and encourage him, on a daily basis.  Choosing to see the best in him.  Choosing to always provide for him, and be there for him.
  • Remembering that marriage is a COVENANT.  There is no room for the word “divorce” in your vocabulary!  “No matter what, I will choose to love and to stay!”  Divorce is NOT an option!
  • Mutual respect
  • Never taking each other too seriously.  Being able to laugh with each other.
  • Dating at least 2 times a month to keep the romance alive.
  • Know each others “love language”.
  • Spend time in the Word, and in Prayer.  This is the glue that will hold your marriage together.
  • Love Unconditionally
  • Show your husband respect.
  • Encourage your husband.
  • Support your husband in every way.
  • Pray for your husband.
  • NEVER speak badly about your husband to others.  EVER!

This was an amazing call last night, and I was very blessed by the words of wisdom that were shared by both of our Guest Speakers!

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In this chapter of Resolution for Women, we are discussing our husbands Hopes and Fears.  The two fears that were mentioned in this chapter were “Fear of being inadequate” and “Fear of being controlled.  I’m not going to spend a lot of time going over the details of each of these fears, because it’s all available to you in the book.  But, what I am going to focus on today are some statements that were shared in this chapter that stood out to me.  I’d like to reiterate these statements that Priscilla mentioned, to help us remain focused on areas that will benefit our ability to fulfill our husbands.

I want to start by asking a question mentioned on page 194, but in my own words:  “What would your husband do differently if he knew he couldn’t lose your love and respect, no matter what he did?”

Would he be able to be free to do what he’s always wanted to do?  Or would he be held back by his fear of what you would think of him?

Would he be assured of your encouragement and support?  Would he know without a doubt that you would support him and inspire him to do even greater things?  What do you think it would do for him emotionally if you were to be 100% supportive of his dream?

As Priscilla says, “Only one way to find out.”

Your husband needs to know that you trust him.  He needs to know that you believe that he is capable, honorable, and worthy of your attention and admiration.  He needs to know that you believe in him despite his inadequacies.  He needs to know that you are praying for him.  He needs to know that your expectations of him are not higher than they should be!  None of us are perfect, and we all have inadequacies.  Ask yourself how it feels (or would feel) if your husband did not support your dream.  Put yourself in his shoes, and think about what YOU would need from him…and then give exactly that to him in support of his dream.

Maybe your husband hasn’t always made the right choices.  Maybe he isn’t the best with money.  Maybe he hasn’t been the best role model to your children. But even so, YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM!  You can resolve to be a better encourager.  You can become better at affirming him, supporting him, and respecting him.  If this is an area that you struggle with, seek counseling from your Pastor, or a Christian Counselor to help re-establish this trust and confidence in him, and to become more of his cheerleader than someone who constantly puts him down.

You are the helpmeet God created for your husband.  God created YOU to be the one who shows respect, love, honor and encouragement to your husband.  If this doesn’t come easy for you in your own marriage, then seek God for His wisdom and direction. Ask God into your marriage if He isn’t a part of it already.  Pray for your husband.  Ask God to help him in the areas that he is weak, or needs wisdom.  PRAYER WORKS Ladies!  Prayer works MUCH BETTER than nagging does, any day of the week!!  🙂

These ladies on last nights conference call shared much wisdom with us.  After 30+ years of marriage, they still go out on dates.  They still hold hands.  He still opens the door for her.  He still puts his arm around her when they sit together.  They still laugh together.  They pray together.  They trust each other.   They both respect their husbands.

What can you do today, right now, to start showing your husband the respect and honor that he so strongly desires?  To feel like a real man?  I want to reiterate what Priscilla shared in this chapter on how you can start making the necessary changes to fulfill your husband….today:

  • Start with just one day.  24 hours.
  • REFUSE to allow yourself to correct him, or offer any unsolicited advice, or criticize his choices.
  • Go to the restaurant HE wants.
  • Let the kids wear the clothes HE picked out, even if they don’t match!!

Here a few of my own:

  • Don’t criticize his driving.
  • ASK for his opinion and then listen to it!
  • Don’t put down his family in front of others.
  • Don’t disrespect him at home, or in front of others; especially in front of the children!
  • Have a good meal on the table when he gets home.
  • Thank him for being a hard worker and taking care of the family financially.
  • Thank him for being such a good dad.
  • Tell him what a great lover he is.
  • Tell him what a great husband he is.
  • Tell him how handsome he is.
  • Tell him you love him every single day.
  • Kiss him hello and goodbye, every day.
  • Tell him how proud you are to be his wife.

These are just few suggestions.  I know there are plenty of books and online sites that are great tools to use to find ways to encourage your husband.  Focus on the Family has some great articles on this subject!!  Take the time to look it up, and then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!  🙂  I know without a doubt your husband will appreciate it, and you will begin to see changes in him that are for the better! And that’s a promise!

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Let’s Pray:

Father, thank You so much for the husband You have given each one of us.  Help us to be the kind of wife that he needs every day.  Help us to be the perfect helpmeet that You created us to be.  In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!

Your Assignment:

In the comment section below, list 3 things that you LOVE about your husband, and then tonight when you are alone with him, tell him exactly what you have shared here.  I KNOW he will appreciate it!!

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After you have commented below, go back to our Online Bible Study Group on Facebook to see what our Daily Activity is. If you do not yet belong to our OBS Facebook group, and would like to, please send an email to: GirlfriendsCoffeeHour@gmail.com  

We’ll send you the details needed to get you into this group!

Don’t forget to stop by Craig’s blog to see what the guys are up to with The Resolution for Men.

www.adversusmundi.wordpress.com

Be blessed!

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Resolution for Women: Marriage Proposal

September 4, 2012 by

I was so excited when I logged on to Facebook this morning to see that a very good friend of mine got engaged over the holiday weekend. HOW EXCITING…. right?!?!??!

I noticed yesterday that she had started pinning things like bouquet designs and wedding dresses on Pinterest… so I did have a hunch, but seeing it on my Facebook homepage made it real. She is about to live a wonderful season of planning and prepping…. designing her special day that she has dreamed of since she was a young girl. As I read today’s chapter, I wondered if anyone would be having the real-deal conversation with her like Priscilla’s friend had with her so many years ago.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

Believe me, ladies….. when I was a little girl twirling in my bedroom fantasizing about my wedding day, I never dreamed of having 5 kids at the altar along with my 2nd husband! YIKES!!! Not what dreams are made of, right? Well, before Craig and I even said “I do” we had gone through more in the year and a half we dated than most couples go through in their whole lifetime of marriage! In fact, to this day, I have friends who come to be at the blossoming of a new, blended family relationship for advice because they saw what we lives for so many years and how hard it was and want me to answer for them “So…… has it been worth it?”

Wether you are in your first marriage, second, third or fourth……. your spouse must come first and they must intentionally get your very best or it will just not work. You can not give your kids, family or friends that top spot under God Almighty! Once Craig and I understood this balance and started living our life this way, everything in our relationship came into focus and our entire household was positively effected.

No matter what stage of life, or marriage, we are in, we all want to be fulfilled. We all want our deepest needs to be met and our husband wants this same thing. As Priscilla points out, “He may not be fulfilling his side of the bargain at the moment. But remember, this book is not about him. The reality is, you cannot change him. But you can pinpoint some changes in yourself, and then you can bring that new resolve to your marriage. You can be faithful. That much you can do.”

You may not WANT to do it, but you really need to do it anyway. God calls you to do it. You answer to Him above all else… and He calls us to act and live above our wants as we are not of this world.

I have a story to share that is not a-typical for second marriages, especially when there are children involved.

After the first few years of our marriage, Craig and I were not doing well as we let our house and our lives be led by fear. Craig was not putting me first (after God) because he was scared of his ex-wife and what she might do if he ever stood up to her or “rocked the boat.” This was killing our marriage because not only was I the primary caregiver for all the kids, but I had no voice and no rights. He would give-in to her requests even when it was not in the kids’ or our family’s best interests just to avoid her anger or her wrath. Slowly, it made me retreat and was killing me on the inside because I felt like I didn’t matter and I was scared that it could all be taken from me at any moment. I had given my heart away to these kids and my heart got trampled on every time I turned around. I did not feel safe and I did not feel valued.

Craig finally realized what he was doing and saved our marriage and our family by putting us all in our proper place. It took only saying to his ex a few times “I’ll talk to Megan about it and get back to you” before she got the drill and soon started to say to him “I know you need to run this by Megan but…” VICTORY!!!! He showed me that I came first which also showed the kids how to value their spouse.

I need to do the same.

I cannot have the kids or work or other people taking my top spot. Craig has to come first, or we are out of balance again. What we have found is that once we have our marital balance in place, everything else falls into line and we have a much happier home. It takes a lot of work and intentional actions, but it is so worth it to be able to model this to our kids and show each other how much we value our God and our family by having our spouse in their proper priority.

As you begin this journey this week, list some of your husband’s characteristics that you wish would change but likely will not. Then, record the way YOU can change to adapt to your husband’s characteristics if these attributes are never altered. We’ll look at this later in the week.

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Let’s Pray

Dear Heavenly Father….. no matter what marital season we are in, we need to check our priorities to Your Word. Help us today to begin to “do it anyway” to fulfill our husband’s needs for Your to get all the glory! Lord, show us today how we can make the most immediate impact and help us to lift each other up in prayer to be our best in our marriages. Lord, for those of us who are not in a marriage currently, speak to our hearts about how to best prepare to be able to give our best to our mates. We love you, Lord, and we thank you for showing us all we need to be our best for Your glory! In Jesus’ mighty name we pray, amen <3

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Your Assignment:

In the comment section below, tell us what you might say if you were counseling young woman on the eve of her wedding day. Do you feel that you have accepted the responsibilities marriage has required or have you resisted them?

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After you have commented below, go back to our Online Bible Study Group on Facebook to see what our Daily FUN Activity is. If you do not yet belong to our OBS Facebook group, and would like to, please send an email to:

GirlfriendsCoffeeHour@gmail.com

We’ll send you the details needed to get you into this group!

Don’t forget to stop by Craig’s blog to see what the guys are up to with The Resolution for Men.

www.adversusmundi.wordpress.com

Many blessings,

Megan 🙂

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