November 6, 2024

Winning Him Without Words: Know the Essentials

October 21, 2012 by

 “Then why do you treat him any differently now?

Treat him as if he were a Christian.”  

OUCH!  I wonder how many of us have ever had this epiphany!?!  Men need respect … while women need love.  We women know that we need love.  It makes us feel secure in our relationship.  But have we really truly thought of what respect means to our husband?  As Dineen said, “some even equate respect with love.”

Having respect for our husband means treating him with the utmost kindness. Treat him as you want to be treated.  Do you treat your husband with the utmost kindness; or the way you want to be treated?  Do you let your husband take the lead in the household?  Do you belittle your husband in front of others?  Do you laugh at him in front of others?  Do you add to the stress that he already has? Do you nag him?

God calls us to respect our husbands.  He doesn’t tell us to respect our husband only IF he does this or that; only if he is a good father; only if he is a good provider; only if he shows you love, and so on.  He simply tells us to respect him….period!

Respecting your husband simply put, means that you have chosen to obey God.  When you obey God by respecting your husband, you are showing honor to God!  God never called you to nag your husband.  In fact, in Proverbs 21:9 tells us that it’s better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife.  Proverbs 21:19 tells us that it’s better to live in a wilderness than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife.

From there, we move into the section of the book that talks about our needs.  We have such a way of putting such high demands on our spouse to meet our needs that it’s impossible for him to meet them all!  Then we get frustrated, disappointed, or angry, that he isn’t able to meet these needs. First off, your spouse was never made to meet your every need!  Only God can do that!  Once you figure this out, it takes the pressure off of you both!  You are no longer disappointed in him for not meeting your needs; and he is no longer working so hard trying to figure out how to please you!!  Win-Win Situation for you both!  Praise God!

The one thing that really stood out to me in this chapter though, is the section that talked about his salvation and praying for your husband.  I know how important his salvation is to you.  But I want to ask you something.  I want you to really think about this, too.

“Would you rather your husband have a ‘forced’ relationship with God because you forced him into this with your nagging? Or would you rather he have the kind of relationship that allows him to love the Lord with his whole heart, soul, mind, and strength?” 

I really want you to think about this question today.  The rest of this chapter goes into a lot more things for us to think about, and I don’t want to take away from our awesome ladies who will be blogging the rest of the week.  So with that, I’m going to end my blog here today.  I hope I have given you some food for thought today.

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Here is Your Reading Assignment this Week:

Oct 22 –

Know the Essentials / Our Deepest Needs – Beverly

 Oct 23 –

It’s Not About Us – Jennifer

 Oct 24 –

To Know & Be Known – Donna

 Oct 25 –

God Is the Wild Hope Maker – Sarah

 Oct 26 –

Glue to Hope, Joy, & Peace / Discovery / Prayer – Martha

Don’t Forget! Saturdays with Shandy!

Shandy is taking us through a 6-week journey to prepare our homes for the Holidays!

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Let’s Pray:

Father, thank You so much Lord for loving us the way You do.  Thank You Lord for the spouse you have given each of us.  Lord, allow us to see him through Your eyes.  Allow our hearts to love him the way You do.  Put a guard over our tongue this week Lord, and help us to watch the words that come out of our mouth.  Lord, help us to truly be the kind of wife that You designed us to be for the spouse You have given us. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!

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 God bless you,

.

.

.

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Please email Christi@girlfriendscoffeehour.com if you have any questions, or if you have a private comment that you would like to forward to one of our bloggers in regards to their post that day.

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Lady In Waiting – Meeting Across Continents

October 19, 2012 by


Where He Will Find Me

When I read this book a couple years ago, I decided to also read through the book of the Bible, Ruth.  If you have not read the book of Ruth, I strongly encourage you to do so with this study!  This section of the book called Meeting Across Continents really makes me think of Ruth.  In the first chapter of Ruth we see that instead of staying in a town where Ruth had the possibility of security in a husband and children, she decided to leave so she could care for her mother in law, Naomi.   Leaving ultimately meant there was no way of ever getting married and having a family.  Ruth gave up that dream because she knew following Naomi where God was leading them was better than staying where she was.  WOW!

On the contrary, here we are in our little lives we have grown oh so comfortable with, scared to leave our towns because if we go where the Lord is calling us, we will miss out on the guy that is going to put a ring on it!  Really that is what you think, isn’t it?  I know it is what I think.  I think that if I stay in my town or at least in my country than I will certainly cross paths with the man that I am supposed to marry.  I have had thoughts of going oversees to work in a ministry I have come to love but I stop those thoughts from being anything other than thoughts because I am scared if I let that thought flourish and even start praying for that thought then I will end up far away from my family helping women who hurt so badly find Jesus; instead of having the dream wedding I have always dreamed of.  That was really hard for me to write, but it is or was should I say unfortunately the truth.  Today I decided to pray for that thought.

I love Ruth for many things, but I think the best thing about Ruth is she saw how important it was to care for Naomi.  She gave up her life to care for Naomi.  In my Bible (I have the Life Application Bible) it says that back then, there was almost nothing worse than being a widow-which Naomi was.  The nearest relative to Naomi should care for her according to the law.  However, Naomi did not have any relatives.  All she had was Ruth.  Ruth desired to care for Naomi.  This selfless act, the Lord blessed incredibly.  When they traveled to Israel-the place Ruth should never have been able to marry, the Lord provided Ruth with her husband, Boaz.

Do you know who God is calling you to care for?  Is He calling you to care for a family member, like Ruth?  Is He calling you to a ministry somewhere other than where you are at this moment to care for hurting people in the world?  Maybe He is calling you somewhere that is far away from your family and will cause you to think if you indeed do go, you will miss out on your husband.  More importantly though, are you open to seeing just where the Lord wants you to care for the hurting people in the world.  Do you open your eyes to HIS desires for you?  Or are you scared because if you do, you are thinking you will miss out on your man.

I love the truth written on page 47 of our book; Jesus can bring your life-mate to you, no matter where you live.  Do you believe that?  You need to!  It is not about where we are, but what we are doing.  If we are doing God’s will then that is where we will find the man God has hand-picked for us!  Being in God’s will is where we should always desire to be even if it is in a different continent.  I do not want you to think that when you finally submit completely to God’s will than that means you will finally get that ring on your finger.  Being in God’s will is where you are meant to be single or married.  In God’s will is where you will be the happiest GLORIFYING God by caring for those he has hand-picked just for you to care for.

As for me, I know that I want the man I marry to find me in God’s will, doing what God so desperately desires for me to be doing.  When Ruth left all of the eligible bachelors in Moab-the last thing she was thinking was that God would bring her one in Israel, but He did!  I pray that as we have faith to leave the eligible bachelors we see with our eyes, we find the one with God’s eyes He has for us.

 

Let’s Pray:  Thank you Lord that we have Ruth to learn from.  The way she so selflessly cared for Naomi is incredibly encouraging.  I pray that you instill in us a desire to care for the people you have hand-picked for us to encounter in this life.  I pray that wherever you lead us, we have the faith to end up in your will for us, meaning single for some of us and married for some of us.  I pray that you help us to live by faith and not to live by our own wills.  Thank you Lord that you have taken care of our greatest need already-SALVATION.  We love you always and forever!  Amen

Your Assignment:  Read Ruth!!  Please feel free to leave a comment below (your comments can be anonymous if that makes you feel more comfortable) about your journey of living in God’s will for your life.  Or, share with us any time where you have decided to give up on an opportunity because you wanted to remain where you were just in case Mr. Right walked by.

 

 

If you would like to take part in this Online Bible Study and Facebook Discussion Group, please click on the “Sign-Up Here” button located at the top of our website, in the Menu Bar. Once we receive your request, we will add you to our group!

Love you all,

Diane

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Winning Him Without Words: All Things Are Not Equal

October 16, 2012 by

“You might be wondering why it seems to always be up to you to change, to give, to love. What about him? Doesn’t he have to do anything?” — p. 61


I have to admit something to all of you.

This is the single hardest section for me in the book thus far.

Do you want me to “get real” with all of you? Here are the ugly, selfish thoughts that ran through my head while reading this section: Why do I always have to give and give without ever getting anything in return? Will I always live in this continual bout of frustration? Why won’t my husband ever see that I am hurting? Why won’t he anticipate my needs? Why do I have to cater to HIS needs while mine remain unmet? Why won’t he help me in my times of need?

Why me, why me, why me?

Ugh, I sound pathetic just writing that out. And part of me wants to go back and rewrite it so I sound better.

But they are real feelings and until I can admit them to myself (and you admit them to yourself, whatever your ugly, selfish feelings may be), we cannot conquer them with truth from God’s Word:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

My thoughts certainly are not patient nor kind. In fact, my thoughts are rather rude and self-seeking. My Life Application Study Bible has this note for these verses:

Our society confuses love and lust. Unlike lust, God’s kind of love is directed outward toward others, not inward toward ourselves. It is utterly unselfish. This kind of love goes against our natural inclinations. It is impossible to have this love unless God helps us set aside our own natural desires so that we can love and not expect anything in return. Thus, the more we become like Christ, the more  love we will show to others.

The selfish feelings we experience are normal. It is only with God’s help that we can love without expectation. God knows our every need. God knows every ache of our heart. God knows every desire of our soul. I am here to tell you, as hard as this is to grasp, God is the only one who can meet your every need. If you continue to rely on your husband to meet your every need, you will always be disappointed, because your husband is not God.

Last week we learned that we have to release the control of our husband’s salvation to God. This week, God revealed an even more important truth to me. I need to take my husband off the throne. I must ensure  that I am not making my husband the God of my life. He is not there to meet my every need, to serve my every whim. He is my helpmeet, my partner, my friend. He is only a man. As much as I would like him to be, he is not on this earth to serve me. Once God gets him, his function in life will be to serve the Lord first and foremost.

It is not about me.

This week, let us focus on learning from Jesus about true, biblical love. Let us set our desires aside and look to God for the true meaning of love. The kind of love He has for us – that no matter what we do or where we go, He still pursues us and loves us and wants to draw us to Himself. The kind of love that is patient and kind; not envious, boastful, proud, rude, self-seeking, easily angered, or keeps record of wrongs. A love that rejoices with the truth, protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

*****

Let’s Pray:

Lord, we come to you this day asking you to teach us about biblical love. Show us how to set aside our expectations and selfishness and to focus on loving others like you love us. Reveal to us in your personal way, through people placed in our path or through your Word, what we need to learn and what steps we need to take. Father, I also ask that you help us to take our husbands off the throne if we have made them an idol in our lives. Help us to place you firmly in that spot and to be able to show grace and compassion upon our husbands today. In Jesus name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

What is one intentional thing you can do for your husband today without expecting anything in return? (Remember, if you post it, really try to commit to not expecting your husband to give you anything in return – even a thank you! Do it out of love for God and for your husband.)

Many blessings to you,

Jennifer

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Join the Winning Him Without Words Bible Study!

For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

*****

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Winning Him Without Words: Love is For a Lifetime

October 15, 2012 by

As I studied this lesson for today I sat for two days thinking what in the world can I share about “love being for a lifetime” that was not already shared by these wonderful authors and then as I was sitting having dinner and Bible Study with my sister God showed me what to share from one word in a sentence on Pg. 56, “God is freely giving us the secret to a long and joyful marriage”, and here is what God showed me:

the secret is in the “C”‘s

 

Commitment   (Matthew 19:4-6)

Without commitment to each other and to God a harmonious marriage cannot last long. Give yourselves fully to each other. Marriage commitment is a “vow for life”. Commitment is hard work. Commitment sometimes means that you are willing to be unhappy for a while until both of you can work things out. Good marriages aren’t freebies…they must be made through effort. Are you really committed to your mate or are you just hoping it will last?

Compromise

When two people live together there must be compromise. Give and take….remembering that you don’t have to be right. The husband is commanded to love and honor the wife thus fulfilling the solemn vow you have just made.  Probably one of the most unloving things we do to one another is try and change each other. Compromise is the evidence of real love.

Communication

Communication is only possible if one is listening while the other one is speaking. Sometimes the spouse doesn’t even need to be speaking! Even more importantly than understanding words, it is imperative that you understand how your partner feels. Stop what you are doing and give devoted attention to each other. Set aside blocks of time for communication and undivided attention.

Courtesy

Courtesy is kindness, good manners, being a gentleman or a lady. It almost seems an old fashioned concept in this day and age, but it is important for a good marriage relationship. J B Phillips translated 1 Corinthians 13: 5, “Love has good manners.”

Comedy

Proverbs 15:13 says, “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.”

Let there be laughter. Joy is the mark of a Christian life. Laughter is good for the soul. Go ahead, be a clown; get that frown off your face. Tell a joke; do something silly!

Charity

It’s an old fashioned word which we often translate “love”. I’m talking about pure and simple LOVE. Love bears all things, the Bible says. Without love there is no intimate relationship. Love is a gift from God. Godly love is unconditional. It does not depend upon the other party or their behavior. It is genuine. Love is not just a physical attraction, but a spiritual commitment.

Courtship

Physical affection and intimacy is biblical and a must if a marriage is going to thrive. (Proverbs 5:18-19 – “…And rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And al- ways be enraptured with her love.”

One problem among many couples today is that we’ve forgotten how to court. The real issue is that what we did to capture our mate’s love we no longer do to keep their love. Think about it for a minute. We used to get all dressed up, perfumed up, pumped up for our dates together. We got married and things changed. We now see each other at absolutely the worst times of the day: in the morning with our bed head and doggy breath and in the evenings with bad days and droopy drawers. We have got to be intentional about continual courtship.

Don’t delete dating from your marriage. In other words, “Date your mate.” The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 9:9 that we are to “live joyfully with the wife whom you love…” If you’ve stopped dating, you’ve started drifting apart. Find fun things to do together. Find something you both like to do and then go do it.

The last and best “C” is CHRIST

Jesus Christ is the main ingredient that so many marriages leave out. Jesus is interested in our marriage. After all, Jesus’ first miracle was performed at a wedding where He was the invited guest. How many marriages have left Him off the invitation list? He is the only one who can give you the ability to love when you feel that you’ve run out of love.

There’s not a greater gift that you could give your life mate than to become a godly person, become like Jesus and treat your mate the way He would treat them. (Philippians 2:5 –“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.”)

Christ must be center of both of your lives and as you grow towards Him, He will grow you even closer to one another.

 A surefire way of maintaining these  “C’s”  is to pray together as husband and wife on a daily basis. Don’t let busy schedules, the TV, work, or the internet crowd this out. Make it your highest priority to “stay connected” and you will have a prosperous marriage journey that will “last a lifetime”

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Let’s Pray:

Lord I pray for each of us as we learn the “secret” you have for our marriage and which ones we need to work on to make our marriage stronger in You Lord and to be assured it will last a lifetime. In Your name I pray.  Amen!

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Your assignment:

Which one of the C’s have been easy for you since you have been married and which one do you intend on being “intentional” about changing for your future and how can you connect with your husband while making these changes?

If you would like to join this Online Bible Study and our Facebook Discussion Group, please click on the “Sign-Up Here” button at the top of our page, and follow the instructions.  We will add you as soon as we receive your request.

Love you all,

Beverly

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Winning Him Without Words: Stay Connected

October 14, 2012 by

 

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

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Well, how did the first two chapters go for you?  Are you ready to move forward and learn more about making your unequally yoked marriage thrive?  I am!!  Let’s get to it!

In this Chapter, Lynn walks us through different ways that we can stay connected to our husbands.  In the beginning of this chapter, she talks about how putting together a Fantasy Football Team gave her something in common with her husband.  I admit I haven’t been that much into football, or any other sport for that matter. But there are things that my husband and I do like to do together; riding motorcycles, movies, reading, playing cards, trying new restaurants, trying new foods and recipes, and more.

A little over five months ago, we turned off our television. Yes, shut it off!  We even had the cable turned off!  We had discussed this for a couple of years, but he was never really ready to give it a try.  But one day he brought it back up again, and I jumped at the chance.  I called the cable company and asked them to turn off our cable.  We looked at each other and said, “Well, Now What????”  🙂

From there, the only time we watched television was if the two of us wanted to sit down and watch a movie.  Netflix has some fun programs that we enjoyed watching, as well; like Myth Busters, or How It’s Made; both fun and interesting shows.

We weaned ourselves away from the television, and began to find new things to do together.  We began to explore new books.  We got into the reading the bible more.  We learned how to play new card games, or board games.  We went for more walks. We TALKED more!! That was a big one!!

During these five months, we grew together.  We learned more about each other.  We learned each others Love Language.  We spent more quality time together.  During our meals, we sat at the table and talked, instead of in front of the television without speaking a word to each other!  It was amazing what was happening in our marriage!

If you do not know what your spouse’s Love Language is, please click HERE for an online test.  HE WILL NEED TO TAKE THIS QUIZ.  It will be well worth it,Ladies, to learn his love language!!  His love language will speak directly to his heart!  Win-Win situation!  You will also see other quizzes for wives, children, teens, and singles!  Excellent site!

About a week ago, we decided that with winter months coming on board, and football season starting, we would turn the television back on; but we both agreed that it was not going to become the idol that it had been in our home before.  It would not become the thing that divided us, or took away our quality time!

It was funny when we turned the television back on and hooked it up to the antenna…we flipped through a few channels and said “Eh, nothing really on…so now what do you want to do?”  LOL  It wasn’t like before, where we would flip through the channels and even if we couldn’t find something worthy of watching, we would watch it anyway just to have something to do!!  That will not happen again!

We gained a lot during this time without our television, and we are determined not to let a stupid little box divide our relationship again!

I love my husband.  I know he loves me, too.  We want our marriage to be successful.  So we are determined in finding ways that we can make our marriage even better.  It isn’t a bad marriage, in any way!  Don’t get me wrong!  But I believe that every marriage has room for improvement, no matter how good it is!!  All it takes is a little work, creativity, and the determination to do it.  Whether it’s turning off the television, or creating a fantasy football league, or ??? … ask the Lord what will bring your marriage to a higher level, and then be intentional about it!!  Your marriage is worth it!

This week’s chapter has a whole lot more to offer you than what I’ve shared here.  Lynn covers some pretty awesome topics!  Be sure to spend the time that you need in this chapter.  I believe it is truly going to open your eyes in so many ways!!

 

Your Reading Assignment

Oct 15 – 1 Cor 13:4-7 – Love Is a Lifetime – Beverly

Oct 16 – All Things Are Not Equal – Jennifer

Oct 17 – Bring On the Bedroom – Donna

Oct 18 – When You Don’t Agree – Sarah

Oct 19 – Discovery / Prayer – Martha

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Let’s Pray:

Lord, I pray for each women that reads our blog posts this week.  I pray that each woman would be given creative ideas to stay connected with her husband.   Give us creative ideas of how we can meet our husbands needs physically, emotionally, and more.  Teach us his love language Lord. Help us to speak to him through his love language.  In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!

If you would like to join this Online Bible Study and our Facebook Discussion Group, please click on the “Sign-Up Here” button at the top of our page, and follow the instructions.  We will add you as soon as we receive your request.  🙂

God bless you,

 

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Winning Him Without Words: Daily Prayer Life / How Should We Pray?

October 11, 2012 by

This blog post is brought to you today

by Sarah Boyer

A Daily Prayer Life/How Should We Pray?

I can certainly relate to Lynn when she says she struggled with praying purposeful prayers.  I find that when I sit down in the evening and finally have some quiet time to myself, my mind wanders so easily. I start to pray for the people on my prayer list and I start to think of how that person is doing at that moment. Then my mind trails off to something totally unrelated. I try to get back on track, but I just can’t stay focused.

As I said in my post last week, I have changed the time of day I have my prayer time. I pray and read from the bible in the mornings now. I have found that by praying right away in the morning, my mind is free of the day’s worries because nothing has happened yet to worry or stress me out! Another benefit to praying in the morning is I am better prepared to handle anything that may come along to worry or stress me out!

Lynn also has a wonderful solution for staying focused. She suggests starting a prayer journal. She says that by writing her prayers out in long hand, it really brings her focus onto the paper and away from the distractions in the room. Another thing I think is neat is she is able to revisit her old prayers and look back on how God answered those prayers for her. Was it answered the way she wanted or did he have something else in mind for her? Usually we will find that God had his own plan to answer our prayers and it always turns out to be the best answer!

So how should we pray?

Matthew 6:6-8 reads: But when you pray, go into your private room, and closing the door, pray to your Father, Who is in secret; and your Father Who sees in secret, will reward you in the open. 7) And when you pray, do not heap up phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think they will be heard for their much speaking. 8) Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

I am guilty of trying to impress God with my prayers by adding excessive words and repeating myself over and over, making sure I thoroughly covered everything. But God already knows my needs without all my extra words and phrases. Try to pray like Matthew 6 suggests and meet with God in a quiet, private place. Then follow this simple “formula”:

  • Give God thanks for all the blessings He has given you

  • Confess all your transgressions and ask for His forgiveness

  • Ask him for your needs in a clear and simple way (pray for your husband in secret and God will answer that prayer in the open!)

  • End your prayer in love for Him

If you are having trouble finding the right words, like I do, pray from your bible. I recently bought myself an amplified bible with the concordance in the back, plus a daily devotional prayer book. I use them both to help me find exactly the right scriptures for when I need God’s help but don’t really know how to ask. I read those scriptures in first person, so as to turn them into a personal prayer. I cannot TELL you how much this has helped my prayer time. It has purpose and structure and guess what?

Praying from the bible has brought about tremendous blessings in my marriage! My husband has even noticed a significant change in me. He is the first one to point out the blessings that have come to us ever since I have started praying this way. Even though my husband is a believer, he isn’t into praying together and things like that. I wish he was! I keep thinking our marriage could really benefit from prayer time together, but he isn’t there yet and I won’t push him. We learned from earlier in this chapter, your husband’s salvation is in God’s hands, not yours.

I do believe that God is using me as an example to my husband. As I get deeper into my relationship with God and become more at peace in our circumstances, my husband does notice and hopefully soon he will want to be right by my side, praying with me. What a joyous day that will be!

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Let Us Pray:

Father God, please help us to have a more purposeful prayer time with you. Help us to be focused on your word and give us wisdom to understand what your word is telling us. Help us to keep our prayers simple and to the point. Continue to make us an example for our husbands and children to follow. In your precious name I pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Below, share with us what you currently do or what you are going to do to have a more purposeful prayer time.

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us! Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple! We hope to see you soon!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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Winning Him Without Words: Throw Me a Life Preserver!

October 10, 2012 by
Jesus answered,
“I am the way and the truth and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through me.”
John 14:6
The decision I made to follow Christ was the single most life changing decision I could have made.Once I decided to follow Him I immersed myself in Him. We literally ate, drank and slept Jesus. It was a time of learning and seeking for both my husband and I. The things I learned and resolved were so freeing!
As I grew in Christ I learned to forgive. I was able to let go of the unforgiveness I had for the abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents when I was a child. That forgiveness was for me as well. I had carried it around for so long and letting go of it gave me a freedom in my heart I didn’t even know existed!! God has said the truth shall set you free and I was free indeed. So in my journey with Christ I have learned to recognize that nudge from God when I need to let something go and forgive.
Having already confessed that I am somewhat of a control freak, letting go is sometimes hard for me. I need refining and reminding just like Lynn says. Our marriage is always being refined and I think it should be. As we yield our marriage to God, he loves and shapes us into the couple who can serve Him free of all the hurts and pain we bring on each other. Our life journey is together as well as separate. We experience life and problems from our own unique perspectives.
As I yield these experiences to God and choose to let Him lead, I react in a right and godly way. My husband sees that and hopefully wants to respond that way too. We, as their wives, are a constant example of Christ to them since we live together 24/7. I’m always asking God to show me how to respond, move on and forgive if I need to, in the situations in our life. Now I’m not always successful, I fail more times than I want, but I get right back up and try again knowing God always gives me another chance. The little things I let crowd in and fester can be let go of  if I yield it to my Savior.
Twenty years ago, when I gave up looking for our new house because our supposed “dream house” fell through, I let anger take over. I left it to my husband to find us a house. He finally chose one that I hated! It had gold shag carpet, gold draperies, and brown and orange wall paper in the dining room! It was ugly! But my husband saw potential. So once again I had to choose not to be angry and let it go.
The choice to let go of the control of choosing a home for us and leave it to God and trust that my husband had made the right choice was not easy. I prayed and spent much time speaking out to God that I wanted Him to be in control. Giving it over daily was all I could do.
My husband has literally remodeled every room in the house and even built us a beautiful bedroom retreat with a balcony just for us!  Our home is beautiful thanks to God and my husband. I can praise God that he chose it and my husband for all the hard work he has put into it. God took care of my needs and our marriage too. I have found that when I hang onto God and trust him to be in control I find freedom and, to quote our author, God can change little ole me and my marriage for His glory!
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Let’s pray:
God we love you. Help us to let go of things that hold us back from making us all you want us and our marriage to be.  Free us form those strongholds that we let take over. Free us to move in our marriages just the way you want us to. Thank you Lord. In Jesus name Amen
Your assignment:
Are there things in your life, like I had in mine that hold you back in your marriage? Unforgiveness, anger, control? Let’s name some of these things and purpose to give it to God and then let’s pray for one another over them. After all the body of Christ need each other and what better way than to pray for our sisters to be free??!!
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If you are interested in joining our FREE Online Bible Study, please click on the “Sign-Up Here” button at the top of our webpage, and follow the instructions.  We’ll be glad to get you signed up!
Blessings,
Donna
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Winning Him Without Words: “It’s Safe to Relinquish Control”

October 9, 2012 by

Control.

Why do we desperately hold onto it? What are we afraid of? I will be the first to admit that I am a control freak. Since returning to Christ two years ago, God has repeatedly revealed my controlling tendencies and convicted me of them, especially in the realm of my marriage. It is not pretty. I am not sure how my husband lives with me, but I am thankful that the Lord is showing me a better way and that my husband has a measure of patience. When I took a good look in the mirror, I realized that I needed to focus on saving myself, not my husband.

So, I can relate to this whole chapter in a big way. But this section on control . . . I felt like Lynn was talking directly to me.

Even though God has been working on me, I do not have it all together. There is still that part of me that wonders… can I really, truly, 100%, no holds barred, relinquish this salvation-of-my-husband-thing to God? Some days I think I can. Other days I am not so sure. I will release it to God one day and the next day, I will take it back.

Why is it so hard?

As Lynn Donovan states on page 44:

  • I am the only believer my husband encounters on a regular basis
  • I am the one person who is actively praying for him
  • If I do not show my husband Jesus, who will?

And two of my own . . . the ones that lies in the deepest recesses of my heart. The ones that are hard to even type. What if I never get to see my husband come to faith? What if he does not get saved? If I do not become actively involved in my husband’s salvation, then who will?

Well, Lynn smacked me upside the head humbled me with her next statement:

All of this is true, yet you are underestimating the power of the Lord in your life.

Ouch!

Lord, I am so very sorry.

Why do I keep trying to BE God in my husband’s life? God is certainly capable of handling things just fine on His own, thankyouverymuch. I mean, He grabbed me without anyone bombarding me with open Bibles or Christian music. So, why am I trying to do it for someone else?

Lynn tells us that two things will happen when we finally let go of our foolish and unproductive efforts to save our men:

  1. We will discover new freedom – the pressure we feel to bring our spouse to Christ will lift. We can just enjoy our spouse for the man that he is.
  2. Our husbands’ will experience freedom – he will no longer need to feel uncomfortable or try to deflect our crazy attempts to bring him to faith. He can RELAX around us. Our faith will become LESS OF A THREAT in his eyes. It will free him to explore faith at his own pace, in his own time, at GOD’s leading.

Ladies, I am right there with you. I am scared. I can talk a good game and feel like I am living it sometimes, but other times I take it all back and try to do it on my own. It is hard to relinquish that control. But, God really does have this. He wants our husbands’ to know Him and to love Him even more than we do. Our God will never stop pursuing the lost and bringing them to Himself (read Luke 15:3-10). In fact, when we step in and try to take on God’s job, we just get in the way and make more work for God! Are you ready to put your husband’s salvation in God’s hands and truly let go and let God handle it?

*****

Let’s Pray:

Father God, in the name of our mighty Savior, Jesus Christ, I ask you to give each woman in this study a courageous strength to release their husband’s salvation into your capable hands. We know that you love our husbands’ even more than we do, Lord, and you want a deep and abiding relationship with each of them. Help us to get out of Your way and to let You do the work in our husbands’ hearts and lives. Please reveal anything in our own lives that we are doing that is causing angst or stress to our husbands’ and marriages and help us to repent of it. In your name we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Tell us why it is difficult to fully let go of your husband’s salvation and give it completely over to God.

Many blessings to you,

Jennifer

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Winning Him Without Words: “The Alone Factor”

October 2, 2012 by

 

We can depend on the Lord to show us where we are today in our marriage and where He wants us to be in the future. (Lynn Donovan, pg. 27)

My husband is not a believer. Although he supports me, he does not share my faith. I have come to accept his decision and respect his choice; however, there will always be a part of my life that I feel I cannot share with him.

And it hurts.

My belief in God began at a very young age. My relationship with Him began only two years ago; four years into my marriage. It was like a light bulb clicked on and life finally made sense to me. My friend invited me to a women’s retreat with her church. I accepted. And life has never been the same. But, my zeal for God seems to not make sense to my husband. At first, I had to hide my faith. I hid my Bible. When I was going to a Bible Study, I would tell him I was going to meet with some new friends from church. When we got in the car to go somewhere, I immediately changed the Christian radio station to the more mainstream station he prefers.

I had no idea how to act. I felt isolated and alone. There was this newfound blossoming of faith within me, but I could not share it with the one person who is closest to me. I felt like I was living a double life.

In fact, I still am.

I am still trying to figure out how to live this spiritually mismatched life. Although I have come a long way (I can now openly read my Bible in front of my husband and talk about my church activities without feeling uncomfortable), I still flounder. God still has much to teach me about honoring Him despite my circumstances.

“It matters not how we came to be in our crazy, mixed-up and unexpected marriage situation. What matters is that God desires that we honor our marriage commitment and fulfill our marriage vows through His power and His strength. We can’t do it on our own.” (Lynn, pg. 28)

Lynn’s message hit me at my core. God wants our marriages to be beautiful and thriving. He desires us to honor our commitment and fulfill our vows. And the only way we can do it is through HIS POWER and HIS STRENGTH.

We cannot do it on our own.

Did you catch that?

We cannot do it on our own.

And why would we want to?

We live for a Savior who desires to do life with us. That actually gives me a sense of peace. I am truly not alone in this. Our Heavenly Father is walking right alongside us, infusing us with power and strength every single day. He knows the aching of our hearts. He knows our longings. He wants the same thing for our husbands and for our marriages. He will not leave us flailing.

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. (Matthew 28:20(b), NIV)

***

Let’s Pray: Lord, help us to see and to understand that we truly are not alone in our mismatched marriages and that you are right there, walking side-by-side with us through every step. Show us how to release the pain that binds us and causes anguish in our spirit for our unsaved spouse. Provide us with your power and your strength to get through each day and teach us to fix our eyes solely on You, the One responsible for our husband’s salvation. In Jesus’ precious name, I pray, Amen.

Your Assignment: Leave a comment below telling us one thing you can do for your spouse today to honor God and your marriage.

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and fill out the form at the bottom of the page (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Blessings to you,

Jennifer

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Winning Him Without Words: “Know that You’re Not Alone”

October 1, 2012 by

 

When I realized I was the first blogger for this new study I have to admit I was very nervous, because this first chapter is one that hits hard on my heart.

I am one of those ladies who walks into my church every week without my hubby by my side.  Many years ago I was just like how this chapter described her entrance into church.

I looked for the closest seat to the back, so I could get in quick and out faster. I tried to make sure I was just a few minutes from service beginning before I walked in then I wouldn’t have very many people looking at me or wondering if others were following behind me.   It would allow me to slip in quick, slide in the pew and look down quickly at my bulletin, like I had been sitting there all the time.

When my husband and I were first married he attended church with me, but about 1-1/2 yrs.  later he slowly stopped going with me at all, and that is when the loneliness began to set in.

Back then I would ask him every Sunday if he would go with me and he kept saying “No”…I would sit in church week after week watching all the couples come in, slide into a pew, and then that is when it hit me…..that husband’s arm would come around his sweet wife’s shoulder and I would be so jealous that I wanted to move to another pew, but that didn’t help because there was just another couple doing the same on another pew.

They just had the “look” that I so wanted.  All these couples made me want to quit going to church all together….until one day God showed me:

“why are you looking at others, when you should be focused on me”…..WOW did He ever get my attention!

Here I was treating this like a ball game or a movie, when I should’ve been focusing my attention on what God was trying to teach me from His Word for my life, not the fact that I was sitting alone in church without my mate.

Pg. 26 of our study described my feelings exactly:

  • I yearned for my husband to be there to sit with me
  • I dreamed of feeling his arm come around my shoulder
  • I desired to have him look up a Bible verse together, then him holding my hand after we found it

God showed me years later that my responsibility in my marriage is my relationship with Christ, and that I don’t need to worry about my husband’s, that God will take care of that.

So ladies, that is what I did:

  • I kept going to church and serving God in areas that He led me to
  • I kept asking my hubby to come with me
  • I took our children with me so they could learn about Jesus

I have continued for 33 years serving Christ, yet serving alone (without my mate with me).

Thankfully God is sitting with me in that pew and friends are close by and support me, embrace me, and pray for me.

And ladies I will continue to:

  • Keep going to church and serve God where HE wants me
  • Keep asking my hubby to go with me
  • I will keep praying and asking God to open his heart
  • I will continue to look for that arm around my shoulder

 

Let’s pray:

God I pray that any of us who go alone to church without our spouse will stay encouraged, will focus on You and let You do the leading in our marriage.  In your name I pray, Amen!

Your assignment:

1. For those who attend church alone please share with us what God showed you that has helped you get through the feeling of loneliness at church without your mate.

2. For those of you that have had your mate with you the whole time in your marriage please give others encouraging words to help us get thru each week sitting in that pew alone.

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For those who may be reading this blog and are interested in joining this Bible study we would love to invite you to join us! The Sign-Up button is located at the top of our website page, in the Menu Bar section. Click on that button and follow the directions. It’s that simple! We hope to see you soon!”

Blessings,

Bev

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