December 23, 2024

Winning Him Without Words – Weekly Review

November 2, 2012 by

 

This week marks the halfway mark on our journey through Winning Him Without Words. What a ride it has been, as we have laughed, prayed, and learned new insights together about how to live our life before our husbands according to 1 Peter 3.

Before we move on, may I share a scene with you of the Israelites on their journey to The Promise Land [Exodus 14]. Perhaps it will be an encouragement to us on our journey.

Moses had just lead over six hundred thousand Israelites, along with their herd of cattle, out of Egypt where they had been slaves for over 430 years.  At last they were on their way to Canaan, the land God had promised was theirs to inherit.

But Pharaoh, the Egyptian king and his army, came after them in hot pursuit.  When the Israelites saw Pharaoh and his army coming, they began to cry out to Moses:  “It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die out here in The Wilderness.”

God spoke to Moses and said:

Tell the children of Israel to “GO FORWARD.”

“Go forward?”  “The Red Sea is in front of us!”  “Are you sure, God?”

But God knew what do about The Red Sea.  “Stretch out your hand over the sea,” were His words to Moses.  As Moses stretched his hand over the sea, the waters divided, the sea became dry land, and they crossed to the other side. The sea returned, and all the Egyptians drowned.  Thus the Lord saved Israel that day out of the hands of the Egyptians, and they continued on their journey.

Now, one would think that after that miraculous delivery that the Israelites would never doubt that they could not make it to Canaan and receive the inheritance God had promised them.  However, only two people of the original group, Joshua and Caleb, made it to Canaan.

Why only two?  Could it be that Joshua and Caleb made it into Canaan because they never lost sight of the vision God had given them.  Not only that, but they acted upon that vision despite the circumstances they faced and the people around them who didn’t believe it was possible.

I believe that God is saying to us: GO FORWARD with the vision He has given us for our marriage!  And yes, He can part The Red Sea in our life to get us there.

This week, at our halfway stop in Chapter 5, Beverly, Jennifer, Donna, and Sarah gave us good insights to go forward by: Believing Our Marriage is Blessed.

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Let’s review their points now.

Monday:  Believe your Marriage is Blessed – The Way to Mismatchdom – -Beverly points to the question that we who are in an unequally yoked marriage are often asked:  “Did you know he wasn’t a Christian when you married him?”

In Beverly’s case, she did know that her husband wasn’t a Christian prior to marriage.  But, as she points out, she could not then and even now after all these years change him.

However, Beverly has learned powerful lessons in her spiritually mismatched marriage:

  • We aren’t better than our spouse just because we are the believer.
  • A superior attitude is not showing or providing a warm welcome to who Jesus is.
  • Don’t give up, God is fully aware of the situation.
  • Recognize God’s presence.
  • Relax and stop trying to do God’s job.

These lessons she has learned provides a real moment of truth:  Only then can we begin to enjoy marriage, tensions will ease, and we won’t have to constantly be talking to our man about our faith.  We are living it in front of them  (remember, actions speak louder than words) they will see!

May we do likewise

Tuesday:  “The Call to Obedience” / “God’s Plan for Your Marriage” – – Jennifer starts off on the call to obedience with Dineen’s statement on page 85.  “What God requires of all covenant relationships, including marriages, is that He be at the center, whether your husband believes in Jesus or not.”

Jennifer then asks us some very pointed questions:

  1. What defines your relationship with Jesus?
  2. Is it defined by whether or not your spouse comes to faith?
  3. Is it defined by you being able to pray with your spouse or being able to read Bible passages together?
  4. Is it defined by going to church with your spouse…or not?
  5. Why does my (or your) relationship with our mighty Savior depend on the actions (or inactions) of another sinful, imperfect human

Jennifer makes a very valid point in conclusion:  Since WE believe, WE bring Jesus into our marriage. And that, my dear friends, is powerful. Soak that it. Rest in that truth. Whether you see God in your marriage right now or not, I promise you HE IS THERE and HE IS WORKING

May we do likewise

Wednesday:  Are We the Sweet Aroma of Christ, Or the Stench of Death?  Donna had never given a thought before as to how she “smelled” as a Christian!

But, it made her think of a favorite aunt whose aroma was always so sweet, not only because of her perfume, but because she radiated love to her.  She made Donna feel special and that she mattered to her.  Her love was genuine and Donna could sense it, smell it, and see it.

Donna pointed out that is what is the kind of aroma God wants us to give off to our loved ones, according to 2 Corinthians 2:14-16.

Ask yourself:

  • Does he see me living out my faith as the aroma of Christ?
  • Does he something in me that he longs for in the deepest depths of his soul?
  • Or does he see an ugly example that turns him off?
  • Do I want to be the aroma of death, stinky, decaying, rotting, death? Or do I want to give off the sweet, loving, breathtaking aroma of Christ?
  • “I choose Christ.”

May we do likewise

Thursday:  Blessed Doesn’t Mean Easy – Sarah ends the week by bringing us back to “giving thanks” for being in a mismatched marriage or any problem, for that matter, that we encounter.

Our natural tendency, as Sarah pointed out, is to focus on the problem and not the blessing God is trying to show us, or the lesson He would like us to grasp.  However, that doesn’t help or fix the issue.

Sarah challenges us to “turn your thinking around and see it through God’s eyes.  Look out, because your whole demeanor is going to change. You will be happy, worry free, stress free.”

Sarah, herself, has started doing this in many areas of her life and, I quote:  “the transformation in me was almost instantaneous!”

May we do likewise.

Friday: Discovery/Prayer – Father, God, I thank you for what you have taught us during the first five weeks on our journey in Winning Him Without Words. Help us to Go Forward remembering as we go, that “we can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens us.” In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Above all, if you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, and would like to have someone pray with you, please email us at Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com. and one of our prayer team members will contact you.

Have a blessed day,

Martha

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Winning Him Without Words: Blessed Doesn’t Mean Easy

November 1, 2012 by

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Roman 8:37

When we are going through a tough time in our lives, it is so easy to just focus on the problem and not the blessing God is trying to show us, or the lesson he would like us to grasp. Sometimes it makes us feel better to dwell on the problem. Tell everyone that will listen how bad things are for us and hope we’ll get some sympathy. But how far does that really get you? You get to hear the “oh, I’m so sorry’s” and the “boy, you sure do get your dose of bad luck” but do those words really solve your problem? Do they make you feel better? Maybe for a minute. But then what? The answer is God dear sisters. If you can take your mind off of your troubles, and instead focus on what God really has in store for you, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Philippians 4:13.

Since you are a member of this study, most likely your biggest problem is your unsaved spouse. You have spent so much time praying for him, thinking of ways you can get your husband to see the light, talking to other girlfriends asking their advice on what to do next. God wants you to stop and refocus your attention on Him. Go to Him with your troubles, ask His advice and then know that He will work on it. It may not be the next day or even the next month, but, you must have faith that God is working. Only then will you find peace.

Like the title of this section suggests, just because you know you are blessed, doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy! It is hard to just trust God, but try thinking of it this way, you know God is in you, right? If God has peace, shouldn’t you? Of course you should. Does God have doubt? No! So you shouldn’t either. Once you start going down that path of doubt, stress and anxiety, stop yourself and say “God is in me, if He has peace, so do I.”

Another way to deal with a trial is to rejoice in it. WHAT? Yep! Be happy God is putting you through a tough time to prepare you for great things. He is making you grow. Going through something hard is God’s way of showing you He is working on your problems and if you will obey His word and patiently trust  Him during that tough situation, when the time has passed, you will come out on the other side stronger and blessed beyond your wildest dreams. If we chose to stay where we are, wallowing in our self-pity and not wanting to see hope, we miss out on the revelation God is trying to show us. Instead of being limited, trust God and be unlimited.

“There is purpose in your pain.” Those are the words God gave to Dineen when they were watching their daughter fight cancer. Wouldn’t it had been easy for Dineen’s family to just sit and question God and even be angry to allow their daughter to suffer through such a horrible disease? Sure. But when she heard the words “there is purpose in your pain” it had to be a relief to her. There is comfort in knowing you are not being put through something so horrible for nothing. I bet we can all look back on our lives and think of a struggle we’ve been through that just seemed unimaginable at the time, but once we were on the other side of the mountain, we were able to see why God took us through it. There is always a purpose. It is so important to remain faithful to God. If we do, we will be so blessed. In our marriage, in our finances, in our parenting. Faithfulness in God brings nothing but blessings.

Dineen says sometimes a mismatched marriage can feel like the fiery furnace like the one Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego went through. But those men kept their faith that God was right there in the middle of it with them and he delivered them without even a hint of smoke on their clothes. God is with you too in the middle of your mismatched marriage. He IS bringing you through it. Just keep your faith. I agree with Dineen when she says, “the key is to stop seeing our mismatched marriage and our husband as problems to be solved and accept both as blessings to be enjoyed.” That is not normally what people do in the natural, is it? But to quote another smart person, Dr. Phil, “how’s that workin’ for ya?” Seriously. How well has it been working for you to think of your husband and your mismatched marriage as a problem. The same can be said on any problem you dwell on. It doesn’t help or fix the issue. But if you can turn your thinking around and see it through God’s eyes, wow. Look out because your whole demeanor is going to change. You will be happy, worry free, stress free. Doesn’t that sound fantastic? I have started to do this in many areas of my life and the transformation in me was almost instantaneous!

I apologize for continuing to quote Dineen, but she has written this section so well and there are so many great nuggets I took away from it, but I am going to leave you with her final thoughts in this section.

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“We discover the ability to laugh and appreciate special moments despite imperfect conditions, and, most importantly, we learn that we are not responsible for the results. God is.” Isn’t that a freeing thought?! You don’t HAVE to be miserable because your husband isn’t saved. You can be happy, you can enjoy him and see him as a blessing like you did when you first met. When you do, you will feel that peace God has already given you. It is just up to you to tap into it!

Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, it is so easy for us to get caught up in our troubles and not want to see the joy in our suffering. Sometimes we want to throw the mother of all pity parties and invite everyone we know. Please speak loudly in our hearts during these times and remind us that you have already supplied us with all the tools we need to make it through any trial or struggle. You have given us joy, hope, faith and peace. Nudge us through our tough times and from now on we will keep our focus on You. You are our greatest blessing. We love you Lord. In Jesus precious name, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Sometimes when I am going through a tough time and start sliding down into the self-pity pit, I will make a list of my blessings. When you count up all that God has given you, it makes it easier to see how awesome our God is and to be reaffirmed He has worked wonders in your life. Please list below your blessings. I won’t put a certain number on it, I’ll leave the length up to you.  Let’s show God how grateful we are!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Are We the Sweet Aroma of Christ, Or the Stench of Death?

October 31, 2012 by

“But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those perishing. To one we are the smell of death, to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task?”

2 Corinthians 2:14-16

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I had an Aunt that I loved to hug when I was a child. She always smelled like Lillie’s of the Valley. Her aroma was always so sweet to me, not only because of her perfume, but she radiated love to me. She always showed love and attention to me when I was with her. She made me feel special and that I mattered to her. Her love was genuine and I could sense it, smell it and see it every time I was with her. I want to smell as sweet as my Aunt did to me.

I don’t know about you , but when I get ready for a special occasion, or a date with my husband, I take time to put on special lotions and perfume. This part of our chapter really spoke to me. I never once gave a thought, before now, how I “smell” as a christian! But God wants us to know we give off an aroma to our loved ones, be it death or life. WOW! It is really an eye opener to me to know that.  I know that I can speak life or death to my husband, but what do I smell like when he is next to me??

Does he see me living out my faith as the aroma of Christ? Does he something in me that he longs for in the deepest depths of his soul? Or does he see an ugly example that turns him off?

I agree with Dineen when she says she gets excited because the verse uses the present tense of the verb, “those who are being saved”. I love that because it gives us hope that God’s work in our spouse, or loved one, is NOT done. It is an ongoing process, continual. He hasn’t given up on them. As we pray for our spouses we can be assured that God is still working on them , even if we don’t see anything changed in them. On Page 89 Dineen says, “According to Paul, God may have put us where we are because we are to be a key factor to our spouse’s salvation. We may be one of the tools God is choosing specifically to use in bringing our loved ones to Him. God may have called us to this exact place at this exact time.”   This just gets me so excited!! First that God would use me, just a wife, mother and grandmother, but I love God and I want my whole family to know and love Him. Second it excites me because I don’t ever have to give up, God is always working!! God has placed us in our loved ones lives for a purpose. That purpose is the privilege of showing them Christ!  What an honor!

From now on I will pay close attention to the aroma I’m giving off, not only on special occasions or a date, but everyday life. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be the aroma of death, stinky, decaying, rotting, death? Or do I want to give off the sweet, loving, breathtaking aroma of Christ?” I choose Christ.

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Let’s Pray:

Lord I pray for myself and all the beautiful women involved in this study. Help us to give off your aroma to our spouses and loved ones everyday. Let them notice it and long for that aroma for themselves. Thank you so much for letting us be a part of your plan of salvation in their lives. Give us strength and life to pass along to them and bring it to fruition we pray.  In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

Your assignment:

What kind of fragrance are you giving off to your spouse? Is it life giving or death? Share and tell us, if it’s the wrong one, How you plan to change it through Christ.

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: “The Call to Obedience” – “God’s Plan for Your Marriage”

October 30, 2012 by

 

What God requires of all covenant relationships, including marriages, is that He be at the center. Whether your husband believes this or not doesn’t matter.  —  Dineen Miller, pg. 85

I cringed a bit when I opened my book and saw that I was writing on obedience this week. I’m sure the Lord got a good laugh at my expense! Obedience is not something that comes naturally to me. In fact, it is downright hard sometimes to live in full obedience to God. The earthly world is constantly pulling me this way and that, making me question my every decision. It is in these times that it becomes even more crucial to draw near to God and to live and breathe the pages of His Word.

But, how do we, as believers, live in obedience to the Lord in a spiritually unequal marriage?

Let me answer that question with another question.

How would your relationship with the Lord be different if you were in a spiritually equal marriage?

I want you to stop reading and really think about that question. Would your relationship with Jesus be different if your spouse were saved?

Mine would. I mean, I could actively live out my faith with my husband. I could talk openly about it. We could pray together. We could read Bible passages together. We could go to church together. It would be amazing!!

Right?!

Right?!?!

Well, let us look back at the question I asked. Would YOUR relationship with Jesus be different if your spouse were saved?

What defines your relationship with Jesus? Is it defined by whether or not your spouse comes to faith? Is it defined by you being able to pray with your spouse or being able to read Bible passages together? Is it defined by going to church with your spouse…or not? Why does my (or your) relationship with our mighty Savior depend on the actions (or inactions) of another sinful, imperfect human?

Dear friends . . . God can only work in your life and in your marriage if you let Him. If you do not let Him in to those dark, secret, hurtful places, things will not change. He wants more than anything in the entire world for you and your husband to have a loving, thriving marriage. And, I’m here to tell you that you can have that. If you let God in. If you let God have control. If you are obedient to what God wants you to do. I am not saying it will be easy, but it will be worth it. And you can do it with an unbelieving spouse by your side. Jesus tells us in His Word that there is one great commandment, which is:

“Master, which is the great commandment in the law?” Jesus said unto him, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.” (Matthew 22:36-40, KJV)

It does not say that we should love God only if our expectations of Him are met first.

It does not say that we should be obedient to God only if he meets our needs first.

God wants our love. He wants to be at the center of our lives.

He wants to be at the center of our marriages, whether our husband believes in Him or not. Since WE believe, WE bring Jesus into our marriage. And that, my dear friends, is powerful. Soak that it. Rest in that truth. Whether you see God in your marriage right now or not, I promise you HE IS THERE and HE IS WORKING.

I had to rely on God to rebuild my marriage according to His design, not my expectations.  —  Dineen Miller, pg. 87

So, if you are struggling in your marriage today, give God the reins. Ask God to show you how to be obedient to Him, when the world is telling you otherwise. Let God transform your marriage. He is able. The question is – Do you believe it?

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Let’s Pray: Father God, we sit at your feet in awe of who you are and just the depth of love that you have for each one of us. Father, please draw near to each person reading this blog today and help them grow in their relationship with you, regardless of where their spouse is spiritually. We know that you want our spouses saved even more than we do, Father. Just help us grow in our walk with you each and every day and not focus on what we do not have. We know you are able to accomplish mighty things, Lord, and we trust you to see that work through to completion. Open our ears, hearts, and minds to hear from you today and show us how to live obediently in Your Presence. In the mighty name of Jesus I pray, Amen!!!!!

Your Assignment: Write out your own prayer below asking God to help you be obedient to Him amidst any turmoil that may be surrounding you in your marriage. Let’s pray over one another today and for all of the marriages in need. Then head over to the secret Facebook group and let’s talk some more about obedience to the Lord.

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

*****

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Winning Him Without Words: Believe your Marriage is Blessed – The Way to Mismatchdom

October 29, 2012 by

Did you know he wasn’t a Christian when you married him?

How many of you have been asked this question from others in your lifetime?   Raise your hand….

For me it was and is always a hard question to answer and I even fear will I be asked today.   It is so hard having to answer this question over and over and you know sometimes when you get asked you know the person asking is genuinely concerned about your marriage and then sometimes you wonder do they ask just to “talk about you” and I think that is the hardest for me.

How many of us made up answers to this question because we just didn’t want to face the facts again?   We thought of many creative ways to tell others “NO I didn’t know that about him”.

 I did know this before I said “I do” and yet I still said “I do”.

As I stated before to all of you I was not taught about marrying a non-believer so to me I thought, no worries, you can change him after you get married, don’t worry now, all is well.

Guess what…..I could not then and even now after all these years “I” still can’t change him.    All I can do is pray that he will allow God to do the changing.

Pg. 84 “God is calling us no matter how we arrived to be the presence of Christ in our husband’s lives”.  You don’t have to hold back any good thing from your husband just because he doesn’t believe in God, instead your loving treatment of him may cause him to have a change of heart!  This is not to say that a wife has the power to save her husband’s soul; only the Holy Spirit can accomplish that, but you can certainly influence your husband (without words no less!) and show him the love of Christ.

We don’t have to brow beat God or have a Gospel ambush onto our man, instead just know that we are to be obedient to Christ and live Him in front of our man. Your man will recognize love when he sees it and if you are being obedient then you are showing him “God’s love”. We must remember we are the conduit to bring God into our marriage.

A good statement I heard in a sermon once is “no one was ever nagged into the kingdom of God”. If our spouse is on the receiving end of criticism and manipulation —they’re going to run. The harder we try, the faster they run.

Don’t give up, God is fully aware of our situation, when we recognize God’s presence we can relax and stop trying to do God’s job and that is when we will begin to enjoy our marriage again, tensions will ease and we won’t have to constantly be talking to our man about our faith, because we are living it in front of them  (remember, actions speak louder than words) they will see!   We aren’t better than our spouse just because we are the believer, he will see right through all that and we must know that this superior attitude is not showing or providing a warm welcome to who Jesus is.

You can speak the Gospel loud and clear by never mentioning the name of Jesus. We’re not authorized to judge others (Matthew 7:1). Sometimes in marriage we’re prone to judge because of what we know —or think we know —about our spouses. We do know that God cares about our mates. The struggle may take time, and may even challenge our faith. We can trust God to nurture our spouses and our marriages.  Scripture says that he may be won, not he will be won. It does not say that because we have a quiet, gentle, and meek spirit that our husband will be saved in two weeks. We need to try not to analyze why our spouse won’t “take hold of the cross.” I have dwelled on this thought many times and realize I am taking up time enjoying him and our life by wondering “when” will he make a decision.

Isaiah 40:31 tells us that those who hope and wait on the Lord will renew their strength. That’s God’s promise of what time spent with Him will produce. This should be our pursuit right now… ask yourself how can I live more victoriously in Christ and be a living and visual testimony to my husband of who Christ is?    When we can answer this question we will “see” and “believe” that our marriage is blessed and as Dineen states on page 84 “we will have no reason to feel shame or condemnation for our choice of a husband.

Let’s pray:

God help each of us to be a walking, talking testimony to our husbands, help us to help them to see Jesus in every moment of our marriage.  In your name I pray, Amen!

Your assignment:

How can you be “the presence of Jesus in your husband’s life this week?   Tell us about it…

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Believe Your Marriage Is Blessed

October 28, 2012 by

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,

and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one.  

Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Mark 10:7-9

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I just wanna celebrate!

 

Will you celebrate with me??

 

This week is my 9th Wedding Anniversary

and my husband and I are taking some time away to celebrate!!

 

 

So my part of this blog today is going to be short, sweet, and simple! 

We didn’t have the opportunity to go away for a honeymoon, nor have we ever had the chance to go away for our anniversary!  So this year, we are taking some time for ourselves and we are headed to a nice little B&B nestled in the woods, where it is nice and quiet!  This time of year here in Wisconsin is BEAUTIFUL!!  The trees are many shades of reds and golds; amber and more!  It is breathtaking!

So while we are away, here is your reading assignment this week!  I hope you have an amazing week!  

Be Blessed,

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– Chapter 5 –

Winning Him Without Words

Reading Assignment

Oct 29 

Believe Your Marriage is Blessed / Mismatchdom – Beverly

Oct 30

Obedience / Plan for Marriage – Jennifer

Oct 31

Biblical Truths – Donna

Nov 1

Blessed Doesn’t Mean Easy –  Sarah

Nov 2

 Discovery / Prayer –  Martha

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If you would like to join us for this Online Bible Study “Winning Him Without Words”, and our Facebook Discussion Group, please click on the “sign-up here” button at the top of the page, and complete the form.  Once we receive your registration, we will be glad to place you!

If you have any questions, or would like to forward a comment on to one of our bloggers, email Christi@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com.

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Winning Him Without Words: God Is The Wild Hope Maker

October 25, 2012 by

   

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1

I love that verse. It hangs in our bedroom in a beautiful picture frame because it is a message I wanted to be reminded of every morning after going through a certain season of my life. The hoping and praying comes easy for me, but being certain was a struggle and this verse is the perfect reminder of what our faith in God can really do.

There was a time not too long ago when I questioned if God really had a plan for me. I used to believe he had a big one for me because I had escaped death 3 times in 38 years and am still here. God doesn’t almost take you 3 times for no reason. I always felt He was keeping me here for a purpose. But my life had been so mundane and at times down right miserable, I started to doubt my faith in God having a plan for me. What’s worse is I started to blame my husband for interfering with God’s plan for my life.

As I was learning more about what God wants from everyone, I didn’t look at my own faults and shortcomings. I was looking at my husbands. I could name off all the things HE needed to do to be blessed and saved by God right off the top of my head and figured once he fixed all his problems, blessings and prosperity would come flooding into our household. I never thought I had issues that needed to be addressed. I just thought that being yoked to him was my hindrance. After all, I was the one reading the word every day and pursuing God, so what else would I need to do?

I even started to believe that my husband was my ministry! But for some reason he wasn’t willing to listen to me tell him what he needed to do to have a better life.  The nerve, huh?! So I’d get angry at him, because remember, I thought it was all his fault that my life’s purpose wasn’t being realized. Oh brother. How’s that for putting too much expectation on your husband! I had misplaced my faith.

In this chapter Dineen asked “who am I waiting for?” Thankfully this question was put on my heart during this time. My answer was, I was waiting for my husband to fix his problems. To my eye, his problems seemed heavier than mine. I was praying to God to speak to my husband’s heart and motivate him to change. Finally God said to me:

God: What are you doing to fix you?
Me: Wait…What? I don’t have anything to fix, do I?
God: Um, yea, ya do.  Are you serving your husband, or judging him?
Me: Okay, God. I get it.

From that point on, my whole thought process changed. I started to ask God to point things out in MY life that I needed to improve or change. The list was long, by the way! I asked for his daily guidance and I asked how I could be a blessing to my husband. I spent a lot of time in Proverbs 31 and learned how to be a wife that my husband could be proud of. One who served her husband, took care of her household, raised her children with love and sought out to help others. I quit making my husband my ministry. Instead I made myself my ministry. I’ve said this in a previous post, but I now focus on being an example to my husband instead of being the nagging wife telling him what to change and how to do it. It’s the old adage, actions speak louder than words.

Please keep in mind this was not easy at first! For over 15 years I expected my husband to be my everything, as well as being perfectly pleasing to God. I struggled with “who was gonna make ME happy”.  A lot! But the more I showed love and kindness to him on purpose, it really started to make me feel good. I was making myself happy by providing joy to my husband. I was, and still am obeying God’s command to serve my husband and being rewarded in tremendous ways.

I was a score keeper, too. If he did something that hurt my feelings, I’d do something to hurt him. If he forgot my birthday, I’d be sure to “forget” his, but also remind him that he had forgotten mine. That all had to go. No more keeping records of wrongs. I continue to treat him as I want to be treated and I am “wronged” less and less each day.  Think about it this way, is it more important at the end of the day to be right or more important to be loved and give love to your husband? I threw the score card out & chose love.

And what about God’s purpose for me? Well, in hindsight I think God put me through that tough season of my life so I could write about it right here and share it with you all. I can help you learn from my mistakes or I can sympathize with you because I’ve been there. But most important of all, I can show you how well it turned out in the end by just listening to God and taking the focus off my husband and turning it on myself.

Lets Pray:
Dear Lord, help us to keep our faith placed in You. Remind us that You are working in each one of us, even though we cannot see it, we can be certain of it. Help us as wives to respect our husbands and serve them as best we can. Keep us from judging them. Keep us from trying to fix them or make them our own personal ministry. We know we need to leave them to You, but sometimes we are impatient and try to do things in our time, which only hinders Your plan. This is why it is so important for us to meditate on Hebrews 11:1 and to keep our faith placed in You and be certain You are doing Your work in them, as well as in us. In Jesus name, we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:
Dineen said that men need respect and some even equate it with love. I read this to my husband and asked him what his definition of respect is. He told me “kindness.” He said that just the act of me being kind to him made him feel I respected him. For your assignment today, I want you to ask your husband his definition of respect and list it below. At home, take that definition and USE it! If it’s kindness, be more kind. If it’s not questioning or judging him, don’t question or judge. I’m excited for you to see how much of a blessing this will bring to your marriage!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

 

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Winning Him Without Words: To Know and Be Known

October 24, 2012 by

But the man who loves God is known by God.

1 Corinthians 8:3

 I admit it, I have struggled with writing from this part of our book this week. to be honest, I don’t know what it’s like to be married to an unbeliever. But I do have a son who is unsaved and it breaks my heart. I suppose it is not on the level with my husband, but it is a heartbreaking situation. I also have other loved ones that are unsaved as well. There are women in our church that come every week without their unsaved husbands and as our women’s ministry head, I need to know how to relate and help them. I know God lead me to this ministry and to this book. As my friend tells me, God is stretching me!
The one thing that really struck me in this part of our chapter today was when Dineen says: Do I want my husband’s salvation more than I want Jesus? WOW!! That speaks volumes. I can apply it to anything in my life, not just my husband. Anytime we desire something, even if it is something we know God is ok with, if it is overtaking our thoughts and life, it is a barrier between us and the relationship we could be having with Him. Wanting our husbands to be saved and to be known by God is a good thing. But when did God step back, let us take over the reigns of our lives and give us permission to be Him? God is a gentleman and will not force himself on anyone.
I struggle with trying to play God in my son’s life. I try giving him books to read, pleading and fretting over his spiritual state. But I also try to do this with my husband too. If I think he is missing something God has given me, I try to spoon feed it to him, ( or shove it down his throat! ), When what God really wants me to do is to grow and learn and enjoy this thing He has given ME to draw closer to him. Let God take care of the rest-Husband, son, and other unsaved loved ones.
My greatest desire is to have ALL if my loved ones saved and on their way to heaven with me. But, honestly, I do want it in God’s timing, then it’s real. I have to know that God is working on them and He will orchestrate the exact right moment in time for them. He loves them so much more than I do. I want to be ready for that. For the time being I need to work on two things: to know God and be known by God-for me. I never stop praying for my son and he knows it. But as I grow and know God the more I reflect that, hopefully they see it and are drawn to it because they see God in me. That’s the only thing I can do. I need to let go of the control, NOT the desire, for the ones I love to come to the Lord. Otherwise, I am making that the forefront and an idol. (OUCH!) That’s wanting my loved ones salvation more than Jesus, and God won’t honor that.
Pg 76 Says: Amazingly, when we put God first in out lives our deepest needs are met. Oftentimes, the needs are ones we didn’t even know we had. and the beauty of it all? In God’s presence we are known from head to toe – our thoughts, our needs and even our dreams.
That says it all!!
_________________

Lets Pray:

Father we know you Know us but we are desiring that our Husband s also be known by you. We also know you want that as well. Lord help us to step back and do your work as only you can do. we love you Lord and are willing to leave them to you. Let our greatest desire, the salvation of our loved ones, be your work and yours alone. Thank you God that you aren’t willing that any should perish either and that you have that right moment waiting for them. Guide us this day to do your will. Thank you for answered prayer. In Jesus name, Amen.Your Assignment:

Search your heart and look at those things, and people, that hold us back from letting go and letting God take over. Name them, if you can, and let us all pray for one another over it. We need each other, and we need to pray for one another; it is a strong bond in the Lord with our sisters in Christ. Let’s collectively reach out to God together and raise the roof of heaven with these desires and God will hear us. Where two or three are gathered in His name………

_________________

 

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!
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Winning Him Without Words: It’s Not About Us

October 23, 2012 by

Keep praying, keep believing, and then pray some more.

—  Dineen Miller

The Lord revealed something to me this past week that showed me how vital our prayers really are.

Are you ready for a quick Bible study lesson? Turn to Daniel chapter 10.

Although I think it is beneficial to read the whole chapter for context, I specifically want to focus on verses 12 and 13.

Then he {the angel} said, “Don’t be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer. But for twenty-one days the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia blocked my way. Then Michael, one of the archangels, came to help me, and I left him there with the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia. (Daniel 10:12-13, NLT, emphasis mine)

Daniel prayed here on Earth and Scripture tells us that his request was heard in heaven. God sent an angel to deliver a message in answer to his prayer. But between Heaven and Earth, a spiritual battle took place. An evil angel blocked God’s angel until Michael, one of the higher ranking archangels, came to help. It took 21 days for God’s angel to get to Daniel to deliver the message.

God places a very high value on answering our prayers. For most of us with an unbelieving spouse, it may seem as if it is pointless to pray because we do not see any result in our spouse. And, hey, we prayed once a while back for his salvation, so God should already be working on it, right? Yes, but these prayers may spark supernatural battles that we are not even aware of! Therefore, we should be in constant, persistent prayer for our husbands. If Daniel had stopped praying, he could have missed out on the blessing he received.

This passage brought me to tears when I first read it. To realize that there is a supernatural battle waging for my husband’s soul is not to be taken lightly. These verses reiterate how important it is to pray for our unbelieving spouse diligently, without ceasing. We cannot be saddened or disheartened if we do not see a change in our husbands’. God is doing His work in our spouse. Our job is to continue to pray.

As Dineen says, prayer is truly a journey. As we walk our own journeys of faith, prayer connects us with our Father and opens our hearts to what He has for us. It strengthens us and prepares us for the next step in our life journey. So, draw close to your Father as you pray for your unbelieving husband. Trust Him to answer those prayers in His perfect timing. Trust that He is fighting those spiritual battles for us and He is already VICTORIOUS!

*****

Let’s Pray:

Lord, thank you for your Word and for teaching us through your Holy Spirit. Help us to become prayer warriors for our unbelieving spouses and to draw strength from you as we continue to walk this unequally yoked journey. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Comment below answering the following question – Do you find it difficult to pray for your unbelieving spouse? Why or why not? My challenge to you today is to write out a prayer for your spouse and tuck it into your Bible (you don’t have to post it here)!

*****

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Our Deepest Need

October 22, 2012 by

Ladies, this blog today was extremely difficult for me to share with you and the world as I have never been one to be so transparent about my life, so I pray that God would use this to reach someone out there that must need to hear it, to be encouraged from it.

When you were a teenager did you make this statement to one of your girlfriends, “I found the man of my dreams, my soulmate”  I did that when I met my man.  I wanted so much to graduate high school and get married and have someone else meet my needs that I didn’t feel were being met at home.     When I met my guy at high school,  I thought right then OK there is no one else for me, he is “the one” for me.  I never dated anyone but him.  At that time I was not a Christian so I didn’t know anything about seeking “the man” God wanted for my life, I was strictly going with “my feelings, my wants, and my desires.”   A strong desire to “get married” and get out of my home.    My parents were having marital problems and I just wanted to get out of all that was going on, so I kept putting myself into this dating relationship more and more so I kept my mind off of what was going on in my home.

We dated for four years and the day he asked me to marry him was “wonderful”.  I thought YAY, now my needs will finally be met.  I will get something that I want.  I did not truly know at that time what my “deepest need” really was nor did I know that he was not the one who would meet it.

I thought I was Cinderella and all my dreams I had ever had were gonna finally come to fruition…..but ladies this was only the beginning of what would be coming to pass in my life.

Wedding plans were being made…

A new job was provided for us both…

A home was found for us to move into…

We both were attending church at the time…

my dream life, my needs were coming together…..or so I thought

I thought this man was going to be my knight in shining armor, the one that would give me “everything” I had always wanted and needed. I talked myself into believing that, into believing in him to solely take charge of that area, “to provide me with “every need” (and wants by the way)…..he had a good job making money like I had never experienced in our home before.  Ladies I had NEEDS and I just knew he was the one to “provide”.

I had need for:

  • Acceptance – knowing that I was loved and needed by him
  • Identity – knowing that I was significant to someone
  • Security – knowing that there was someone to protect and provide for me
  • Purpose – knowing that I have a reason for living

I was spending my life trying to get my needs met by many sources and at this time in my life I was totally focused on my boyfriend to do that for me, by marrying me.

In the year before we were married I began going to church more and learning more about God and I was beginning to understand that there was someone else who could meet “my true need”.

THE NEED OF SALVATION

 

I finally realized that no human being could meet “my deepest need”, that only God could.   I was placing a lot of expectations on my boyfriend soon to be husband to take on that role and he could not do it.

Only God could meet my needs I had (acceptance, identity, security and purpose).   In John 6:35 Jesus says to me “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.”

Ladies, Jesus had the ability to give me the spiritual food and drink that I needed to “satisfy” my longings, my needs.  He invited me to come to him for my need to be met.

On April 17, 1979 I accepted His invitation to do just that and oh how my life changed.    I “finally” had someone who could and wanted to meet “my every need”, not just the wants I was experiencing before this day.    I still did not understand that I needed to seek God for the man I was to spend my life with, I mean I had been dating for 4 years and my wedding was planned and the wedding day was approaching, was I really suppose to put all that on hold until I had time to “seek Him” for answers, well since I didn’t truly know all that, I kept going with all the plans as they were and we were married on June 23, 1979.

We continued to attend church together and God was meeting my needs.   I was growing but “we” were not growing in Him.  I was still expecting my husband to meet needs that I wanted met.  I was placing expectations on my husband that he could not uphold—you see my “deepest need” would then and always only be met by God, so I need to keep these areas separate and allow God to meet the needs He will meet and my husband to meet the needs he can meet as they are not the same ladies.

I needed to release my husband from the job that was God’s. God can heal us, love us in the way we need.

Man’s love is natural.

God’s love is supernatural.

Our husbands can’t possibly take on a role that was not his to begin with and if we try to “make” him do it he will begin to feel like a failure and resentment will begin to creep in and threaten our relationship.

 Pg. 70-71; When our expectations are rightly placed in the One who created those needs in the first place we will discover freedoms in our marriage that allows us to be the woman God created each of us to be and the wife He needs us to be so that He can work through us to reach our husband. The burden is taken off our man, as is the label of failure. We can then respect our husband as he is and love him unconditionally.

I am happy to say I have been married 33 years, but sad to say I have just recently realized in the past year that I can’t force my husband to join me at church and in “my relationship” with God because he has to find those things on his own, but what I can do is pray for him and pray for us and:

“look only to God to meet our needs”

My man is my man and I want him as much today as I did back in high school and I have hope, joy, peace, trust and respect in Him and I need him every day, but to need him,    I NEED GOD FIRST because it is God who will indeed meet the deepest places in “our marriage”.

 

Let’s Pray:  God I thank you for meeting my every “need” since that day I met you and I pray for each lady who reads part of my short testimony today that if they have that same “need” to meet you as their provider that they too will say yes and release their “guy” from trying to be the one to meet it, but allow You to be their true provider in their life, in your name I pray Amen!

Your assignment:  Who is meeting your deepest need? On a daily basis, on whom do you rely the most and to whom do you go to first to get your deepest need met?   Tell us about it….

 

 

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Please email Christi@girlfriendscoffeehour.com if you have any questions, or if you have a private comment that you would like to forward to one of our bloggers in regards to their post that day.

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