My sweet Megan!
I have a friend who used me in hopes to gain something better for her daughter through a sport they are both involved in. After realizing that I was not able to offer any more than what she was already receiving, she got angry at me and started speaking badly of me. I am hurt, #1 because she was just using me and had not intention of actually being a friend #2 because of the negative things she has been speaking about me. I want to forgive and move on, but am struggling with complete forgiveness. How do I move on? I need some life coaching!! I need to know what a woman of God would do to resolve & get passed this issue!!
~S
My dear S,
It sounds as if rejection is at the root of this issue and I believe that once you deal with that rejection by healing the wound in your heart, you will be able to move forward.
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
All of us are created with three God-given inner needs: for love, significance, and security. Because people fail people, it is essential not to let other people define who you are. Realize that rejection can easily skew your view! Now I realize that there was more to your hurt than the initial rejection of thinking she was a true friend but finding out she was using you…. but please stay with me through this discussion because I believe it will help to talk about rejection as a whole and I promise to bring it together for you at the end! 🙂
Deuteronomy 31:8
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
How do you accept yourself when others reject you?
1. Focus on the facts, not feelings.
First off, you must admit the rejection of the past and acknowledge its pain. Ask God to bring to mind every rejection from your childhood to the present, and then consider the circumstances of each situation. {Yes, we bring past hurts to present situations}. Then, acknowledge the wide range of feelings of rejection you experienced with each past event. Release to God the pain AND the person(s) involved. Ask God to heal the physical, emotional, and spiritual damage caused by each of these painful experiences of rejection.
Lamentations 3:19
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitternessand the gall.
2. Claim God’s acceptance and unconditional love
Confess God’s love for you and all the ways He has shown you His love {like Christ dying for you}. Cite Psalms 139:1-18 and praise God for your life and His divine creation and plan for it. Convey your appreciation to God for His love of you by loving Him with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Love others as He loves you.
3. Choose to forgive those who rejected you
Consider all the hurt and anger you feel over your rejection. Realize the cost of withholding forgiveness {a bitter spirit building up inside you, which will cause trouble and spread to those around you}. Commit to forgiving those who rejected you just as Christ forgave those who rejected Him (including you). Write down their names, their offenses, and the pain caused you. Then release each person, offense, and pain into the loving hands of God.
Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
4. Expect future rejection as natural in a fallen world
Empty yourself of the pride that drives your desire to be accepted by everyone. Since gaining everyone’s approval is impossible, commit yourself to pleasing God. Empathize with others who feel rejected by friends, family, employers, business associates, or anyone else important to them. Embrace the truth that as a believer, you will experience rejection, just as Jesus did. You are not exempt from being rejected in daily life.
1 Peter 4:12
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you,
as though something strange were happening to you.
5. Secure Scripture in your mind to produce new thought patterns
Purpose to renew your mind by selecting meaningful scriptures to read. meditate on, and commit to memory. Plan a specific time each day to read God’s Word and pray. Partner with someone who will hold you accountable for applying God’s truth to your heart.
Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is— his good, pleasing and perfect will.
6. Thank God for what you have learned through your rejection
- “Thank you, Lord, for using my pain to make me more dependent on you.”
- “Thank you, Lord, for using my pain to make me less dependent on people.”
- “Thank you, Lord, for using my pain to make me more dependent on Your Word.”
Psalm 119:71
 It was good for me to be afflicted
 so that I might learn your decrees.
7. Encourage others as an expression of Christ’s love.
Give compassion to those who are hurting as someone who has been hurt. Lift them in prayer, faithfully praying for them and with them. Ease emotional wounds by embracing those in pain and encouraging them to talk.
Hebrews 3:13
 Encourage one another daily
8. Draw on the power of Christ’s life within you
- “I will see Christ as my security whenever I feel insecure.”
- “I know that I have all I need, for Jesus will meet all my needs.”
- “I will daily set aside my selfish desires in favor of His desires, saying ‘Not my will, but Yours, be done.'”
Philippians 4:13
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
While rejection is real and it hurts, we need to make sure that we are keeping our feelings in check as they can be so deceptive. We need to be careful not to take on someone else’s issue as our own and through forgiveness and loving as Christ loves, we free ourselves from hanging on to the yuck that keeps us from moving forward in such circumstances. No it is not easy, but it IS possible as God calls us to this in His Word. Seeking God through such trials and letting Him soothe your deep wounds is the only way to live free and get past the hurt. I pray this guides you though healing and is a blessing to you <3
Lord, give us Your unfailing compassion as we walk through tough relationships and help heal all the places we are hurting. We yearn to not stay stuck, but to get past out hurt and break free for good. Thank You for the guidance we find in Your Word. May You get all the glory as our hearts and relationships are restored, Lord! In Your Son’s matchless name we pray, Amen <3
Blessings,
Coach Megan 🙂
