November 22, 2024

Winning Him Without Words: Love is For a Lifetime

October 15, 2012 by

As I studied this lesson for today I sat for two days thinking what in the world can I share about “love being for a lifetime” that was not already shared by these wonderful authors and then as I was sitting having dinner and Bible Study with my sister God showed me what to share from one word in a sentence on Pg. 56, “God is freely giving us the secret to a long and joyful marriage”, and here is what God showed me:

the secret is in the “C”‘s

 

Commitment   (Matthew 19:4-6)

Without commitment to each other and to God a harmonious marriage cannot last long. Give yourselves fully to each other. Marriage commitment is a “vow for life”. Commitment is hard work. Commitment sometimes means that you are willing to be unhappy for a while until both of you can work things out. Good marriages aren’t freebies…they must be made through effort. Are you really committed to your mate or are you just hoping it will last?

Compromise

When two people live together there must be compromise. Give and take….remembering that you don’t have to be right. The husband is commanded to love and honor the wife thus fulfilling the solemn vow you have just made.  Probably one of the most unloving things we do to one another is try and change each other. Compromise is the evidence of real love.

Communication

Communication is only possible if one is listening while the other one is speaking. Sometimes the spouse doesn’t even need to be speaking! Even more importantly than understanding words, it is imperative that you understand how your partner feels. Stop what you are doing and give devoted attention to each other. Set aside blocks of time for communication and undivided attention.

Courtesy

Courtesy is kindness, good manners, being a gentleman or a lady. It almost seems an old fashioned concept in this day and age, but it is important for a good marriage relationship. J B Phillips translated 1 Corinthians 13: 5, “Love has good manners.”

Comedy

Proverbs 15:13 says, “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.”

Let there be laughter. Joy is the mark of a Christian life. Laughter is good for the soul. Go ahead, be a clown; get that frown off your face. Tell a joke; do something silly!

Charity

It’s an old fashioned word which we often translate “love”. I’m talking about pure and simple LOVE. Love bears all things, the Bible says. Without love there is no intimate relationship. Love is a gift from God. Godly love is unconditional. It does not depend upon the other party or their behavior. It is genuine. Love is not just a physical attraction, but a spiritual commitment.

Courtship

Physical affection and intimacy is biblical and a must if a marriage is going to thrive. (Proverbs 5:18-19 – “…And rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And al- ways be enraptured with her love.”

One problem among many couples today is that we’ve forgotten how to court. The real issue is that what we did to capture our mate’s love we no longer do to keep their love. Think about it for a minute. We used to get all dressed up, perfumed up, pumped up for our dates together. We got married and things changed. We now see each other at absolutely the worst times of the day: in the morning with our bed head and doggy breath and in the evenings with bad days and droopy drawers. We have got to be intentional about continual courtship.

Don’t delete dating from your marriage. In other words, “Date your mate.” The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 9:9 that we are to “live joyfully with the wife whom you love…” If you’ve stopped dating, you’ve started drifting apart. Find fun things to do together. Find something you both like to do and then go do it.

The last and best “C” is CHRIST

Jesus Christ is the main ingredient that so many marriages leave out. Jesus is interested in our marriage. After all, Jesus’ first miracle was performed at a wedding where He was the invited guest. How many marriages have left Him off the invitation list? He is the only one who can give you the ability to love when you feel that you’ve run out of love.

There’s not a greater gift that you could give your life mate than to become a godly person, become like Jesus and treat your mate the way He would treat them. (Philippians 2:5 –“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.”)

Christ must be center of both of your lives and as you grow towards Him, He will grow you even closer to one another.

 A surefire way of maintaining these  “C’s”  is to pray together as husband and wife on a daily basis. Don’t let busy schedules, the TV, work, or the internet crowd this out. Make it your highest priority to “stay connected” and you will have a prosperous marriage journey that will “last a lifetime”

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Let’s Pray:

Lord I pray for each of us as we learn the “secret” you have for our marriage and which ones we need to work on to make our marriage stronger in You Lord and to be assured it will last a lifetime. In Your name I pray.  Amen!

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Your assignment:

Which one of the C’s have been easy for you since you have been married and which one do you intend on being “intentional” about changing for your future and how can you connect with your husband while making these changes?

If you would like to join this Online Bible Study and our Facebook Discussion Group, please click on the “Sign-Up Here” button at the top of our page, and follow the instructions.  We will add you as soon as we receive your request.

Love you all,

Beverly

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Winning Him Without Words: Stay Connected

October 14, 2012 by

 

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

__________________________________________

 

Well, how did the first two chapters go for you?  Are you ready to move forward and learn more about making your unequally yoked marriage thrive?  I am!!  Let’s get to it!

In this Chapter, Lynn walks us through different ways that we can stay connected to our husbands.  In the beginning of this chapter, she talks about how putting together a Fantasy Football Team gave her something in common with her husband.  I admit I haven’t been that much into football, or any other sport for that matter. But there are things that my husband and I do like to do together; riding motorcycles, movies, reading, playing cards, trying new restaurants, trying new foods and recipes, and more.

A little over five months ago, we turned off our television. Yes, shut it off!  We even had the cable turned off!  We had discussed this for a couple of years, but he was never really ready to give it a try.  But one day he brought it back up again, and I jumped at the chance.  I called the cable company and asked them to turn off our cable.  We looked at each other and said, “Well, Now What????”  🙂

From there, the only time we watched television was if the two of us wanted to sit down and watch a movie.  Netflix has some fun programs that we enjoyed watching, as well; like Myth Busters, or How It’s Made; both fun and interesting shows.

We weaned ourselves away from the television, and began to find new things to do together.  We began to explore new books.  We got into the reading the bible more.  We learned how to play new card games, or board games.  We went for more walks. We TALKED more!! That was a big one!!

During these five months, we grew together.  We learned more about each other.  We learned each others Love Language.  We spent more quality time together.  During our meals, we sat at the table and talked, instead of in front of the television without speaking a word to each other!  It was amazing what was happening in our marriage!

If you do not know what your spouse’s Love Language is, please click HERE for an online test.  HE WILL NEED TO TAKE THIS QUIZ.  It will be well worth it,Ladies, to learn his love language!!  His love language will speak directly to his heart!  Win-Win situation!  You will also see other quizzes for wives, children, teens, and singles!  Excellent site!

About a week ago, we decided that with winter months coming on board, and football season starting, we would turn the television back on; but we both agreed that it was not going to become the idol that it had been in our home before.  It would not become the thing that divided us, or took away our quality time!

It was funny when we turned the television back on and hooked it up to the antenna…we flipped through a few channels and said “Eh, nothing really on…so now what do you want to do?”  LOL  It wasn’t like before, where we would flip through the channels and even if we couldn’t find something worthy of watching, we would watch it anyway just to have something to do!!  That will not happen again!

We gained a lot during this time without our television, and we are determined not to let a stupid little box divide our relationship again!

I love my husband.  I know he loves me, too.  We want our marriage to be successful.  So we are determined in finding ways that we can make our marriage even better.  It isn’t a bad marriage, in any way!  Don’t get me wrong!  But I believe that every marriage has room for improvement, no matter how good it is!!  All it takes is a little work, creativity, and the determination to do it.  Whether it’s turning off the television, or creating a fantasy football league, or ??? … ask the Lord what will bring your marriage to a higher level, and then be intentional about it!!  Your marriage is worth it!

This week’s chapter has a whole lot more to offer you than what I’ve shared here.  Lynn covers some pretty awesome topics!  Be sure to spend the time that you need in this chapter.  I believe it is truly going to open your eyes in so many ways!!

 

Your Reading Assignment

Oct 15 – 1 Cor 13:4-7 – Love Is a Lifetime – Beverly

Oct 16 – All Things Are Not Equal – Jennifer

Oct 17 – Bring On the Bedroom – Donna

Oct 18 – When You Don’t Agree – Sarah

Oct 19 – Discovery / Prayer – Martha

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Let’s Pray:

Lord, I pray for each women that reads our blog posts this week.  I pray that each woman would be given creative ideas to stay connected with her husband.   Give us creative ideas of how we can meet our husbands needs physically, emotionally, and more.  Teach us his love language Lord. Help us to speak to him through his love language.  In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!

If you would like to join this Online Bible Study and our Facebook Discussion Group, please click on the “Sign-Up Here” button at the top of our page, and follow the instructions.  We will add you as soon as we receive your request.  🙂

God bless you,

 

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Winning Him Without Words: Weekly Overview

October 12, 2012 by

“Whither thou goest, I will go, and where thou lodgest, I will lodge:  

thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.”

Ruth 1:16  

Yes, that was the scripture the minister spoke over my husband and me on our wedding day.

  1. From a peanut farm in Georgia to Tripoli Lybia, North Africa and on to Maine, Louisiana, Texas. Never would I have thought that  “going whither he goest and “lodged” would take me to so many places.

  2. His people became my dearest family.

  3. And then it happened – -seven years into the marriage, I met someone that separated us.  His name was Jesus, and at that point, my husband’s god was no longer my God.

It was then I set out on a mission to accomplish my #1 goal in my marriage – – -“Save my Husband,”  so that he would, not only go to hell, but enjoy this new man in my life with me.

But, no matter how hard I tried, he wouldn’t buy into it. To add to my place of defeat, I received a prophetic word that said:  “Sometimes we are looking for a closer relationship for our loved ones, when at the moment God is looking for that relationship with us.”

What I wanted to say to this person giving this prophetic word was:  “You missed it.  God and me are tight!  It’s my husband who needs to be in a relationship, and I am going to be the one who helps him obtain it.”  But, the Holy Spirit tapped me on the shoulder one day and politely told me that He didn’t need my help; He could handle things.

And so it was, I had to stop doing what our author, Lynn Donovan, refers to as “spiritual ambush.”  [pg 40]

As Beverly, Jennifer, Donna, and Sarah outlined each topic in Chapter 2, they bought us to a place of discovering

  • where we have been on our journey in trying to “Save Our Husbands”

  • where we are now

  • and where the Holy Spirit is leading us.

    ___________________________

Let’s review their points on Chapter 2 now.

Monday:  Don’t Save Your Husband, Save Yourself – -Beverly told us of all the many things she once did to get her husbands saved and in a relationship with the Lord. Beverly describes these manipulative efforts at soul winning as a handbook on how NOT to win your spouse to Christ.

Beverly arrived at an important decision about her soul winning efforts: “I decided long ago to accept that it’s God’s job to change hearts. That decision frees me to pursue my relationship with God without the added burden of having to bring my husband to faith. All I have to do is love and enjoy him. That’s God’s plan for me, and he gives me all the grace I need to accomplish it.

May we do likewise.

Tuesday:  It’s Safe to Relinquish Control – -Jennifer pointed us to the fact that we know that we can’t save our husbands, but relinquishing our control is hard to do.  She agree with the reasons that Lynn stated that made it so hard.   [page 44]

  • I am the only believer my husband encounters on a regular basis

  • I am the one person who is actively praying for him

  • If I do not show my husband Jesus, who will?

But, Jennifer pointed to Lynn’s statement that made a humbling impression on her to stop the control game.  You are underestimating the power of the Lord in your life.  [pg. 44]

May we do likewise.

Wednesday:   Throw Me a Life Preserver:   Donna pointed us to the reality that we are always in need of refining within our marriage. Forgiveness is one thing that is usually part of that refining process, which could go back to things that happened to us in childhood.  It is those experiences that might have left us with anger, bitterness, and a controlling nature.  Those things hurt our marriage and each other.

Donna summed it us by saying:  “I have found that when I hang onto God and trust him to be in control I find freedom and, to quote our author, God can change little ole me and my marriage for His glory.

May we do likewise.

Thursday:  A Daily Prayer / How Should We Pray—Sarah brought us back to the place we should be before we got on the bandwagon of trying to Save Our Husbands – – -Prayer!

Even with that revelation, Sarah points to the fact that we have to rid ourselves of distractions, get focused, and the ultimate question of “How to Pray.”

What works for Sarah has been:

  • Praying in the morning, which frees my mind of the day’s worries because nothing has happened yet to worry or stress me out! Another benefit to praying in the morning is I am better prepared to handle anything that may come along to worry or stress me out!

  • To stay focus, Sarah started a prayer journal, as Lynn suggested.  She says that by writing her prayers out in long hand, really brings her focus onto the paper and away from the distractions in the room.

  • How to Pray, Sarah says that praying from her Bible, using the right scriptures for what she needs God’s help in, but really didn’t know how to ask.  She turns those scriptures into a personal prayer.

Sarah’s new prayer life is inspiring a special person in her life – – HER HUSBAND!

May we do likewise!

Friday:  Discovery/Prayer:  Father God, if I could pray just one simple prayer for myself, and this whole community of women who are desiring a closer walk with you, it would be this:  “Help us to be doers of your word, and not just hearers.”  Those things that you have revealed to us this week are priceless.  Help us walk them out.  In Jesus name, I pray.

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Above all, if you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, and would like to have someone pray with you, please email us at Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com. and one of our prayer team members will contact you.

Blessings to you,

Martha

 

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Winning Him Without Words: Daily Prayer Life / How Should We Pray?

October 11, 2012 by

This blog post is brought to you today

by Sarah Boyer

A Daily Prayer Life/How Should We Pray?

I can certainly relate to Lynn when she says she struggled with praying purposeful prayers.  I find that when I sit down in the evening and finally have some quiet time to myself, my mind wanders so easily. I start to pray for the people on my prayer list and I start to think of how that person is doing at that moment. Then my mind trails off to something totally unrelated. I try to get back on track, but I just can’t stay focused.

As I said in my post last week, I have changed the time of day I have my prayer time. I pray and read from the bible in the mornings now. I have found that by praying right away in the morning, my mind is free of the day’s worries because nothing has happened yet to worry or stress me out! Another benefit to praying in the morning is I am better prepared to handle anything that may come along to worry or stress me out!

Lynn also has a wonderful solution for staying focused. She suggests starting a prayer journal. She says that by writing her prayers out in long hand, it really brings her focus onto the paper and away from the distractions in the room. Another thing I think is neat is she is able to revisit her old prayers and look back on how God answered those prayers for her. Was it answered the way she wanted or did he have something else in mind for her? Usually we will find that God had his own plan to answer our prayers and it always turns out to be the best answer!

So how should we pray?

Matthew 6:6-8 reads: But when you pray, go into your private room, and closing the door, pray to your Father, Who is in secret; and your Father Who sees in secret, will reward you in the open. 7) And when you pray, do not heap up phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think they will be heard for their much speaking. 8) Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

I am guilty of trying to impress God with my prayers by adding excessive words and repeating myself over and over, making sure I thoroughly covered everything. But God already knows my needs without all my extra words and phrases. Try to pray like Matthew 6 suggests and meet with God in a quiet, private place. Then follow this simple “formula”:

  • Give God thanks for all the blessings He has given you

  • Confess all your transgressions and ask for His forgiveness

  • Ask him for your needs in a clear and simple way (pray for your husband in secret and God will answer that prayer in the open!)

  • End your prayer in love for Him

If you are having trouble finding the right words, like I do, pray from your bible. I recently bought myself an amplified bible with the concordance in the back, plus a daily devotional prayer book. I use them both to help me find exactly the right scriptures for when I need God’s help but don’t really know how to ask. I read those scriptures in first person, so as to turn them into a personal prayer. I cannot TELL you how much this has helped my prayer time. It has purpose and structure and guess what?

Praying from the bible has brought about tremendous blessings in my marriage! My husband has even noticed a significant change in me. He is the first one to point out the blessings that have come to us ever since I have started praying this way. Even though my husband is a believer, he isn’t into praying together and things like that. I wish he was! I keep thinking our marriage could really benefit from prayer time together, but he isn’t there yet and I won’t push him. We learned from earlier in this chapter, your husband’s salvation is in God’s hands, not yours.

I do believe that God is using me as an example to my husband. As I get deeper into my relationship with God and become more at peace in our circumstances, my husband does notice and hopefully soon he will want to be right by my side, praying with me. What a joyous day that will be!

_________________

Let Us Pray:

Father God, please help us to have a more purposeful prayer time with you. Help us to be focused on your word and give us wisdom to understand what your word is telling us. Help us to keep our prayers simple and to the point. Continue to make us an example for our husbands and children to follow. In your precious name I pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Below, share with us what you currently do or what you are going to do to have a more purposeful prayer time.

______________

For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us! Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple! We hope to see you soon!

Godspeed,

Sarah

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Winning Him Without Words: Throw Me a Life Preserver!

October 10, 2012 by
Jesus answered,
“I am the way and the truth and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through me.”
John 14:6
The decision I made to follow Christ was the single most life changing decision I could have made.Once I decided to follow Him I immersed myself in Him. We literally ate, drank and slept Jesus. It was a time of learning and seeking for both my husband and I. The things I learned and resolved were so freeing!
As I grew in Christ I learned to forgive. I was able to let go of the unforgiveness I had for the abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents when I was a child. That forgiveness was for me as well. I had carried it around for so long and letting go of it gave me a freedom in my heart I didn’t even know existed!! God has said the truth shall set you free and I was free indeed. So in my journey with Christ I have learned to recognize that nudge from God when I need to let something go and forgive.
Having already confessed that I am somewhat of a control freak, letting go is sometimes hard for me. I need refining and reminding just like Lynn says. Our marriage is always being refined and I think it should be. As we yield our marriage to God, he loves and shapes us into the couple who can serve Him free of all the hurts and pain we bring on each other. Our life journey is together as well as separate. We experience life and problems from our own unique perspectives.
As I yield these experiences to God and choose to let Him lead, I react in a right and godly way. My husband sees that and hopefully wants to respond that way too. We, as their wives, are a constant example of Christ to them since we live together 24/7. I’m always asking God to show me how to respond, move on and forgive if I need to, in the situations in our life. Now I’m not always successful, I fail more times than I want, but I get right back up and try again knowing God always gives me another chance. The little things I let crowd in and fester can be let go of  if I yield it to my Savior.
Twenty years ago, when I gave up looking for our new house because our supposed “dream house” fell through, I let anger take over. I left it to my husband to find us a house. He finally chose one that I hated! It had gold shag carpet, gold draperies, and brown and orange wall paper in the dining room! It was ugly! But my husband saw potential. So once again I had to choose not to be angry and let it go.
The choice to let go of the control of choosing a home for us and leave it to God and trust that my husband had made the right choice was not easy. I prayed and spent much time speaking out to God that I wanted Him to be in control. Giving it over daily was all I could do.
My husband has literally remodeled every room in the house and even built us a beautiful bedroom retreat with a balcony just for us!  Our home is beautiful thanks to God and my husband. I can praise God that he chose it and my husband for all the hard work he has put into it. God took care of my needs and our marriage too. I have found that when I hang onto God and trust him to be in control I find freedom and, to quote our author, God can change little ole me and my marriage for His glory!
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Let’s pray:
God we love you. Help us to let go of things that hold us back from making us all you want us and our marriage to be.  Free us form those strongholds that we let take over. Free us to move in our marriages just the way you want us to. Thank you Lord. In Jesus name Amen
Your assignment:
Are there things in your life, like I had in mine that hold you back in your marriage? Unforgiveness, anger, control? Let’s name some of these things and purpose to give it to God and then let’s pray for one another over them. After all the body of Christ need each other and what better way than to pray for our sisters to be free??!!
______________________
If you are interested in joining our FREE Online Bible Study, please click on the “Sign-Up Here” button at the top of our webpage, and follow the instructions.  We’ll be glad to get you signed up!
Blessings,
Donna
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Winning Him Without Words: “It’s Safe to Relinquish Control”

October 9, 2012 by

Control.

Why do we desperately hold onto it? What are we afraid of? I will be the first to admit that I am a control freak. Since returning to Christ two years ago, God has repeatedly revealed my controlling tendencies and convicted me of them, especially in the realm of my marriage. It is not pretty. I am not sure how my husband lives with me, but I am thankful that the Lord is showing me a better way and that my husband has a measure of patience. When I took a good look in the mirror, I realized that I needed to focus on saving myself, not my husband.

So, I can relate to this whole chapter in a big way. But this section on control . . . I felt like Lynn was talking directly to me.

Even though God has been working on me, I do not have it all together. There is still that part of me that wonders… can I really, truly, 100%, no holds barred, relinquish this salvation-of-my-husband-thing to God? Some days I think I can. Other days I am not so sure. I will release it to God one day and the next day, I will take it back.

Why is it so hard?

As Lynn Donovan states on page 44:

  • I am the only believer my husband encounters on a regular basis
  • I am the one person who is actively praying for him
  • If I do not show my husband Jesus, who will?

And two of my own . . . the ones that lies in the deepest recesses of my heart. The ones that are hard to even type. What if I never get to see my husband come to faith? What if he does not get saved? If I do not become actively involved in my husband’s salvation, then who will?

Well, Lynn smacked me upside the head humbled me with her next statement:

All of this is true, yet you are underestimating the power of the Lord in your life.

Ouch!

Lord, I am so very sorry.

Why do I keep trying to BE God in my husband’s life? God is certainly capable of handling things just fine on His own, thankyouverymuch. I mean, He grabbed me without anyone bombarding me with open Bibles or Christian music. So, why am I trying to do it for someone else?

Lynn tells us that two things will happen when we finally let go of our foolish and unproductive efforts to save our men:

  1. We will discover new freedom – the pressure we feel to bring our spouse to Christ will lift. We can just enjoy our spouse for the man that he is.
  2. Our husbands’ will experience freedom – he will no longer need to feel uncomfortable or try to deflect our crazy attempts to bring him to faith. He can RELAX around us. Our faith will become LESS OF A THREAT in his eyes. It will free him to explore faith at his own pace, in his own time, at GOD’s leading.

Ladies, I am right there with you. I am scared. I can talk a good game and feel like I am living it sometimes, but other times I take it all back and try to do it on my own. It is hard to relinquish that control. But, God really does have this. He wants our husbands’ to know Him and to love Him even more than we do. Our God will never stop pursuing the lost and bringing them to Himself (read Luke 15:3-10). In fact, when we step in and try to take on God’s job, we just get in the way and make more work for God! Are you ready to put your husband’s salvation in God’s hands and truly let go and let God handle it?

*****

Let’s Pray:

Father God, in the name of our mighty Savior, Jesus Christ, I ask you to give each woman in this study a courageous strength to release their husband’s salvation into your capable hands. We know that you love our husbands’ even more than we do, Lord, and you want a deep and abiding relationship with each of them. Help us to get out of Your way and to let You do the work in our husbands’ hearts and lives. Please reveal anything in our own lives that we are doing that is causing angst or stress to our husbands’ and marriages and help us to repent of it. In your name we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Tell us why it is difficult to fully let go of your husband’s salvation and give it completely over to God.

Many blessings to you,

Jennifer

*****

Join the Winning Him Without Words Bible Study!

For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

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Winning Him Without Words: “Don’t save your husband – save yourself”

October 8, 2012 by

This is something I have run through my mind about so many times, thousands of times.  I have gotten up on Sunday mornings and wondered Lord will today be the day that my man will surrender everything to You? I look at him as he is lying in the bed and think well it could be Beverly!   I picture him getting up and saying honey I think I will go to church with you today (oh and by the way he did go with me yesterday)….I picture him going into the church service…I picture him headed to the pastor telling him “I want to surrender”…..oh what a day that will be!!!

But at this time after years of praying, waiting, and hoping, that is still what I am doing, praying, waiting and hoping.

My husband and I met 37 years and married 33 years ago. At first he attended church with me and then slowly stopped going  (which now makes me wonder did he go just for show back then)…until one day he stopped going all together except for special things.

God kept drawing me closer into a relationship with Him and yet my relationship with my husband was not growing the way “I” wanted because I now had something I wanted both of us to have but he was not at that point yet.  Oh, other aspects of our marriage were great but this was something that was a standing wall between us.

Yes I could have written the handbook on how NOT to win your spouse to Christ.

I was not a total “Jesus freak.” I would come home and make him sit and listen (I just thought he was listening) to things I was learning in God’s Word. I even packed gospel tracts in his lunch. Most of the time all of which he avoided.

There were times we would be at odds with each other. I would sometimes find that I would blame some of our marital problems on his unsaved status. After all, I thought if we were both Christians, life would be “happy-ever-after.” Or so I imagined. I would begin trying harder to ensure he was hearing God’s messages by playing my Christian music and scattering opened Bibles around the house. Every once and awhile he would go with me to church, but instead of enjoying him sitting next to me in church, I’d sit there chewing nervously on the end of my pen, praying madly that this would be “The Day”, and when it wasn’t, I would quiz him in the car on the way home, “What did you think of the sermon? Did you like the music?”

“It was okay,” he’d say. And his thoughts would turn to “What we gonna eat for lunch?”

The rest of the ride home, I’d sit and fight back tears or angry words. Why couldn’t he see his need for Christ I would ask myself.

One day I met this lady who had told me Beverly pray for him no matter how many years you have to and “DON’T GIVE UP”, so I made that commitment to pray either until I die or he surrenders. And I’m going to love him through every day. Period.

That was 33 years ago ladies—and I’m still praying and still loving. But I’m no longer pining away in self-absorbed isolation waiting desperately for my husband’s salvation to bring marital fulfillment. Instead, I’ve decided no matter how many years, I want those years to be as enjoyable as possible for the both of us, despite our spiritual differences.

God has a plan for each life. And no matter how hard I try, I cannot transform someone else’s heart. I can’t coerce, sweet-talk, or plead my husband into being a Christian. In fact, when I do try, it only drives him away.

I decided long ago to accept that it’s God’s job to change hearts. That decision frees me to pursue my relationship with God without the added burden of having to bring my husband to faith. All I have to do is love and enjoy him. That’s God’s plan for me, and he gives me all the grace I need to accomplish it.

That doesn’t mean I’m not lonely at times or that I do everything right.

Pray, pray, pray. Prayer is my link to God’s presence, power, wisdom, and comfort.

I will “Never” give up hope. God offers everyone the same gift of salvation and eternal life. Some choose to accept it, and others don’t. But all who accept the gift do so in God’s timing, not ours. God knows what he’s doing.

I don’t understand why God does what he does, but I will trust God while I wait.

The truth is, I might not ever see my husband walk a church aisle, and surrender his life but that’s okay. I have hope that I’ll see him walk through heavens gate. In the meantime, I will live my life as an godly example and leave it all with God and let Him do His work.

Let’s Pray

God help us to realize we have no control in changing our husbands, change comes from You so help us all to leave our sweet husbands in Your hands. In your name I pray Amen!

Your assignment:

Share with us one thing that you have done to try and get your husband to accept Christ as his Savior.

For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Blessings to all of you this week

Love, Beverly

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Winning Him Without Words: Don’t Save Your Husband – Save Yourself!

October 7, 2012 by

 

What can we expect from Chapter 2, you ask?  The answer is short, sweet, and simple: How not to spiritually ambush your spouse!  Okay, maybe not “simple”.  While I read this chapter, all I could think of was how many times I could relate to what Lynn was sharing!!  I had to chuckle at how many of the “ambush attempts” she mentioned, were things I had tried in the past, too!!  haha!

It was SO IMPORTANT to ME that my husband understood just how important salvation was, that I would like a Nazi trying to ambush his every waking moment to get him to give his life to Jesus!  HELLO!! Can you say “Bible-thumper”????  Yes, that’s who I was!   But God…..

Ohhhhh, But God began to show me some things about my walk with Him; and some things about my husband’s walk with Him!

He began to show me what was my responsibility, and what was HIS (God’s) responsibility!  I had to learn to give God control of my husband’s salvation.  I had to learn to trust God!  I had to tell myself over and over again “God’s Got This!”  That is my favorite mantra now, in everything:  “God’s Got This!!  I wonder today just how many times God looked down and said “Good Grief Girlfriend, I’ve Got This!!! Let It Go!!!”

Letting Go was the key!  The key to not only my peace of mind, but to my husband’s salvation.  I had to learn to let go and get out of God’s way, so that He could do what He needed to do … without my interference!!  I was never going to save my husband!  I didn’t have the ability to save my husband….ONLY GOD DID!  I had to get out of God’s way!

I had to stop nagging him about reading his Bible.  I had to stop leaving Christian material lying around everywhere, so he would see it.  I had to stop talking.  I had to start listening!  But most importantly, instead of nagging, I had to start praying!!!  I had to get on my knees every day and pray, asking the Lord not only for my husband’s salvation, but asking God to help me stay out of His way, so He could do what He needed to do in my husband’s life!  Girlfriend you have no idea how many times I had to almost put duct tape on my mouth to shut me up!!!  My husband probably wanted to do that a time or two, as well! haha!! (I can laugh about that today….!!!)

GOD’S

GOT THIS.

So back to Chapter 2.  Here is your Reading Assignment for this week!  Remember, each day you have a certain section to read so you can follow along with our blog posts.  We take a chapter a week, and break it into sections and blog about each section.  That way it gives us a way to really focus on that particular section!  THEN we go back to our Facebook Discussion Group, and talk about that section just a tad bit deeper!  I hope you will join us!  Click HERE if you would like to sign up for this study and join our FB Group!

YOUR READING ASSIGNMENT:

Monday: Oct 8 –

Don’t Save Your Husband – Save Yourself –  Beverly

Tuesday: Oct 9 –

It’s Safe to Relinquish Control –  Jennifer

Wednesday: Oct 10 –

Throw Me a Life Preserver  – Donna

Thursday: Oct 11 –

A Daily Prayer / How Should We Pray – Sarah

Friday: Oct 12 –

Weekly Review / Discovery / Prayer – Martha

Let’s Pray:

Oh Heavenly Father, as we read through this chapter this week, open our eyes Lord to see what You have for us!!  Open our hearts Lord so we are able to receive from You.  Lord, I pray against any hindrances that may stop us from reading this week, or participating in the discussion group.  Lord I know that the message in this book is such a powerful message for those of us who are unequally yoked!

Father, help us to see clearly how we are in Your way, and what we need to do to get out of Your way!  MOVE US out of the way, if You have to, Lord!

Lord, I pray for the unbelieving spouse of each reader that comes to our blog each day, and I ask for a Spirit of righteousness to fall upon them!  Bless them Lord, with a thirst for salvation!  A thirst so powerful that nothing will quench it…but You Jesus!  Repair hearts Lord that have been damaged in the past by “religion” and “legalism” Lord.  Set the captives FREE, Lord, In Your Precious Name, AMEN!

____________

Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior?  Would you like someone to pray with you?

Email our Prayer Ministry at Robin@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com.  Someone from our Prayer Team will contact you shortly!

Enjoy your reading this week!  I’ll see you in the Women’s Group!  🙂

In His Love,

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Winning Him Without Words: Jesus with “Skin On” / Weekly Review

October 5, 2012 by

 

The young mother tucked her little boy in bed, turned off the lights, and walked out of his room.  It was then she heard him cry out:  “Mom, turn the lights back on; I’m scared of the dark.”  The mother walked back into his room to reassure him.  “Now, son, don’t be afraid, Jesus is here with you.”  To which he replied:  “I know Jesus is in here with me, but I want somebody with some skin on!”

Can we admit that we all have felt that way?  “Yes, I know you are near Jesus, but, I really want someone to pray and study your word with me, someone to sit beside me in church, and most of all, Jesus, I want to talk to someone about I much I love YOU.   That someone is my husband.  Won’t you please tell him to come into the room with me?  I am scared of being in this dark room alone.”

Thirty eight years have passed since the day I accepted Jesus as my Savior, and my husband still hasn’t shown up in that dark room with me.  But, my goodness how God has blessed me by sending so many Jesus with “Skin On” people!  They brought light into my dark and lonely room!

Allow me to introduce a few of them to you.

  1. Jackie:  Always saved a seat for me in church so I wouldn’t have to sit alone.

  2. Gerry, Beth, Gloria:  Spent hours cleaning their homes for the weekly bible study.  Oh, yes, Beth Moore  taught me much, but it was these ladies who made it possible by opening up their homes to me and all the other ladies.

  3. Sylvia, Irene, Susan:  Prophets that God used to give me a prophetic word at times when I thought I couldn’t take another step.

  4. My Pastor:  Preached sermons that I know he prepared just for me!

  5. Melba, my pastor’s wife:  Gave me opportunities in ministry.  Quite frankly, I had always thought that I couldn’t go into ministry with an unsaved husband. What do I have to offer if the head of my household is not serving the Lord?

I just know that these people will receive a special reward in heaven one day for being obedient to God, and being there for me.

But, I have to confess that when the journey stretches into years of being unequally yoked as it has for me, there is a tendency to grow weary.  As the year 2010 was drawing to a close, I felt like I had reached my limits. “When is this man, my high school sweetheart, father of our two daughters, and grandfather of three going to fall down at the feet of Jesus?”  I felt the lights being turned off in the room again.

And then one day in March, 2011, God showed up with a whole army of Jesus with “Skin On” people.  It happened like this.

I stumbled upon the book, Winning Him Without Words by Lynn and Dineen.  In all my many years of being unequally yoke, I had never read a book about the unequally yoked, nor had I been associated with anyone “like me.”  But, God in his perfect timing introduced me to these two ladies, along with their community of women on their website, Spiritually Unequal Marriage.  And then, He introduced me to you, my friends, at Girlfriends Coffee Hour.

I’m not alone in the dark room anymore. – -I’m hanging out with – – Jesus with “Skin On” people from all over the U.S. and world who are “just like me!”

As for my husband?   “He has made  everything beautiful in its time.” [Ecc. 3:11]

Let’s Pray:  

Father God, I ask you in the name of your son, Jesus, that every lady taking this course be blessed with Jesus with “Skin On” people so that they will not sit in a dark room alone.  We need each other to help us walk out our lives before our husbands according to 1 Peter 3.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:  

Who are your Jesus with Skin On people?  Take time today, not only to thank God for them, but call or send them a note expressing your appreciation for being with you on your journey.  For starters, list them in the comment section.

***********

And now, as we come to the close of the first chapter of Winning Him Without Words, review this past week:

Monday:  Know That You are not Alone:  Beverly pointed to page 27 in our book that described her feelings of being alone: yearns for her husband to sit with her, feel his arm come around her shoulder, desires to have him look up Bible verses together,  hold her hand after they found it.  But, Beverly made a decision she has stuck with for 33 years.

  • Stopped worrying about her husband, and left him in God’s hands.

  • Kept going to church and serving God in areas that He led her into.

  • Kept asking her hubby to come with her.

  • Took her children with her so they could learn about Jesus.

  • And thanks God that He is sitting with her in that pew, along with  friends who support, embrace, and pray for her.

May we do likewise.

Tuesday:  The Alone Factor:  Jennifer pointed us to reality:  we are alone by not having a spiritual connection with our husbands, and it hurts.  But, she learned the real truth:

We live for a Savior who desires to do life with us. That actually gives me a sense of peace. I am truly not alone in this. Our Heavenly Father is walking right alongside us, infusing us with power and strength every single day. He knows the aching of our hearts. He knows our longings. He wants the same thing for our husbands and for our marriages. He will not leave us flailing.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. (Matthew 28:20(b), NIV)

May we do likewise.

Wednesday:  Is it Possible to Thrive in a Mismatched Marriage?  Donna assures us that we can thrive in a mismatched marriage and this is how she learned to do it:

When I let God be in control he takes away the anxiety of my life. God meets me right where I am and meets hubby where he is too. My marriage can grow and THRIVE!! I can rest assured God has our backs in this marriage-After all he created marriage! All I need do is get off my “throne” and hand my scepter over to God, pray for my husband and let God work!

May we do likewise.

Thursday:  Placing Christ On The Throne:  Sarah makes a statement that all of us could probably admit to when she says:  To surrender your power and control is a hard thing to do. Some may say impossible.

But, Sarah has made a commitment to start each day with the following prayer no matter how silly she may feel: Jesus, right now as I begin this new day, I surrender my place of authority over my life to You.  I am placing You firmly on the throne of my life.  Teach me to focus on Your desires for living.  I give you my entire life this day.  In Your powerful name Jesus.  Amen

May we do likewise.

________________________________________________________________________

For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Above all, if you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, and would like to have someone pray with you, please email our Prayer Team Leader:  Robin@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com, and one of our prayer team members will contact you.

Blessings to you,

Martha

 

 

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Winning Him Without Words: Placing Christ on the Throne

October 4, 2012 by

And Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

MATTHEW 28:20

_________________________

Placing Christ On The Throne by Sarah Boyer

To surrender you power and control is a hard thing to do. Some may say impossible. But by relinquishing all the power to Jesus and letting him fill your heart, mind and soul, you will experience the greatest feeling of peace. I know; I’ve done it.

I am a control freak and a worrier. If I don’t have a perfectly laid out plan for everything in my life, I feel out of control, unorganized and frazzled. I am not at rest until I have that plan! This is something Jesus has been tugging at me to fix. I am a work in progress, but this is how I am evolving:

I used to sit and make MY plan of how I think things should go.

My plan would fail and I’d become anxious, angry and uptight, snipping and yelling at everyone in my path.

Then I’d start all over again with a new plan.

Big Fat Fail! It never occurred to me to ask Jesus what His plan was for me! I always thought that Jesus didn’t care about my little day-to-day affairs. He only cared about the big stuff, where I should go to college, whom I should marry, live etc.

I’ve recently learned that Jesus wants to guide your every move, from the little things such as what you eat all the way to the big stuff such as how to speak with your non-believing spouse. It’s sort of like how you help your children. You help them make the simple choices in hopes that when the big decisions come, they will come to you for guidance. Jesus wants to do the same. He wants to guide you through it all. This brings to mind Proverbs 16:9: The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.

So this is my new plan!  

I am going to start each day with this prayer from now on!

It is suggested in our study today, that you get out of bed and fall to your knees when you say this prayer. At first when I started doing this, I felt silly. Not because my husband would see me and judge me because he leaves for work 3 hours before I even get up. But because I felt foolish. Isn’t that silly? No one around but me and Jesus and I felt silly. But I made myself do it and have been doing it for the past few days and the foolish feeling is wearing off and the peace and comfort of surrendering to Jesus is taking over. I’ll trade that for foolishness any day! Besides, what better way to start your day then arming yourself with the power of Jesus inside you?

I am now better prepared to handle anything that comes along throughout the day because all I have to do is recall our simple prayer, surrender my authority of the situation and give it to Jesus to handle. And He always does!

Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord, I pray that you can help us all to surrender our authority over to you. Remind us there is no problem big or small for you to handle for us. Please fill our heart, mind and soul with your leadership so that the troubling, painful and fearful circumstances of our lives lose their power. We can do all things through you. In Jesus name, amen.

Your Assignment:

Your assignment today is to write out a prayer that you will begin praying each day, just after you get up. A prayer that gives Jesus control of your day. A prayer that asks Him to direct your day, so you can stay on task for the things that He wants of you. Post this prayer in the comment section below, so we can be praying with you, as well.

If you are interested in joining us in our Women’s Ministry, please click the sign-up form button at the top of our webpage. Just follow the instructions on the form and hit submit. We’ll be happy to add you to one of our Online Bible Study Groups!

Godspeed!

Sarah

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