The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husbands body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent, and for a time, so you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor 7:3-5
I’m just going to reiterate some of the things written in this part of our chapter:
* This verse, like Lynn says, is God’s perspective on intimacy in marriage. Intimacy is a gift from God, something that we share only with each other. Created by God for marriage.
* It is supposed to be a pleasurable thing for husband and wife.
*We need to make the effort.
Let’s face it when we got married all we wanted to do was make love, for the first few months that’s all we do! But then life gets in the way and intimacy goes on the back burner. We have children and jobs and we get tired after dealing with these things all day. This part of our marriage is important to both of us and we shouldn’t neglect it. That being said and so as not to re-write everything that was written in our study, I want to share with some practical things with you so you can enjoy and anticipate this vital part of your marriage, making it fun as you do!
The first thing I would have you do is pray! This is important because it puts things into a biblical mindset for you and also gets your heart in the right place.
When I first got married a friend of mine, who had been married for some time, gave me this advice that someone had given her when she married. Write down all the things that attracted you to your husband when you first met and married. It may not all be physical. Just all the good qualities and things that made your heart melt at the sight of him. Then go back and read it often and especially when you know it’s been awhile and you need to be reminded. Then think on those things!
Text him at work or call and leave a message of love for him on his phone. Sometimes I leave a little sticky note in his lunch box for him to find.
Buy a new negligee once in awhile and wear it on a night when it’s least expected and surprise him. I guarantee he will be in the mood!
Make reservations at a restaurant you both like and take him out on a date. Date nights are usually planned by us; so be as creative as you can. Dress to the nines!!
A picnic in the country or at a park you like to go to, just the two of you.
Fom Christi: There is a candle that I will suggest to you, also. It’s a Woodwick Candle. It actually has a wood wick, so when the wick is lit, it crackles while it burns, making it sound like a mini-fireplace!! 🙂 Use this candle, especially if you have children, as a signal to your spouse that you are interested in making love with him that night. BOTH of you can use this candle in this way! Light it earlier in the day, so it gives each other time to prep and get the kids taken care of, before that special time alone.
On a grander scale here are some things you can do that I have found are very nice, whether it’s your anniversary or a special occasion or just because:
I kidnapped my husband once. A week ahead of time I made reservations for dinner and a hotel in the town where my husband works. Then I had a friend drive me to his work and drop me off at his car. I was dressed in heels and his favorite dress and smelled wonderful! I looked GOOD!! When he came out to his car and found me there he was so shocked. I took over the wheel of the car and drove us to the hotel where he showered and changed ( I had packed a bag for him). We went to dinner and just enjoyed being together and the night!!! It was great fun for both of us!
We usually go somewhere for a couple days for our anniversary every year. It usually in our home state, so we don’t go too far, staying at a B&B. We find lots of unique places and it’s something we plan together months in advance and look forward to.
We also make sure to take a weeks vacation together, just the two of us every summer. We plan ahead and make it special by doing something we individually like together for a day. He likes sports, I like shopping. So we each get to enjoy it together. I can handle it for one day and so can he.
Every five years or so we attend a marriage seminar of some sort. It refreshes you and reminds you to think of your marriage as a priority, And they usually touch on the subject of intimacy too.
Let’ face it, day to day life is sometimes boring and we can let that leak into our sex life as well. Plan ahead and think of your husband. Anticipation is the key for us. God intended for us to be intimate, and it’s a very special part of our marriage. Let’s try to keep it alive and well. God says it is good and we should enjoy it!!!
If you are interested in more Date Night / Romance ideas, and you belong to our Facebook Discussion Group, please check the Files section of your group! There are a ton of great ideas in that section of our your group!
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Lets Pray:
God thank you for our spouses and our marriages. Help us to keep intimate with you and with each other. I pray that we would purpose to keep the intimate part of our marriage alive and well and honoring you. Remind us daily of our love for our husbands. Help us to be creative and loving in our planning for these times. Thank you lord of the gift of intimacy with our husband. In Jesus name-Amen.
Your assignment:
I have shared a few things that I have done to keep our love alive in our marriage. What things, without giving too much detail, can you say you’ve done or are planning to do to help this part of your marriage to stay alive and well? Maybe we can steal some of those ideas for ourselves!!!
Many Blessings,
Donna
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About Donna Day
*Crackle, Crackle* Love those Woodwick Candles! Great blog post today! I recommend investing in some good Christian books, like Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman, Intended for Pleasure by Ed & Gaye Wheat, and Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow. There is also something on the FamilyLife website called Simply Romantic Nights, and it's a box of 24 sealed Date Night cards… I own & highly recommend all these resources. My hubby & I love to stay in the Whirlpool Suite at our favorite hotels. Doesn't happen to often, but it's nice! It's important to keep the romance alive. We always hold hands. Always say, "I love you" (many times a day!) Always kiss each other. And we enjoy slow dancing together. I'm lucky because I have a husband who will spontaneously grab me and put on a slow song. I love it. Just do whatever you can to remain close. Oh, and no TV in the bedroom! That's been a rule of ours since day 1.
Shandy What great comments!! My husband & I always kiss, say I love you and hold hands too!!! Dr. Leman also has an older book called "Sex begins in the Kitchen" too. I have heard of the others too. We went to a "I still do " conference and heard about he date night cards. I used to own the "Intended for Pleasure" book and lent it out, now I don't know who has it!! HAHA! Thank you Shandy all great ideas!!!
I will have to check out Sex Begins in the Kitchen 🙂 Another AMAZING marriage conference is FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember. Awesome, awesome, awesome!
Thank you christi for the part about the Woodwick candles!!!!! I am going to go buy one today!!
Wow Donna, I just loved this post! Thanks for giving us some great ideas. A few weeks ago I booked a room at the Poconos for my husband and I for his birthday. The rooms have heart shaped jacuzzi's, fireplaces, the works. We stayed in a lakeside villa and enjoyed every minute of it. I realized that my husband truly enjoys going "away" and have decided to do these things more often. It gives us the opportunity to relax and just enjoy eachother without any of life's distractions. I will look into the date night cards, they sound like lots of fun and am going to see if I can get my hands on a Woodwick Candle! You ladies are awesome 🙂
Oh Melissa! Lucky girl! I've always wanted to go to the Poconos and stay at the resort that has the 7 foot high champagne glass whirlpool tubs! Someday…
Shandy it was amazing and I'm so glad I decided to go. We also want to try the champagne glass whirlpool. Its time to start saving for it 🙂
ME TOO! I wanted to honeymoon there, but it didn't work out. I love the picture of the large champagne glass whirlpool!!
Love your post today Donna. Sex is such an important part of our marriage. Witholding it or just going through the motions is such a detriment to a marriage. Great ideas here everyone! Thanks for sharing!
Me too!
Wonderful Melissa!! Keep up the good work, it's worth it!!!
I like to initiate "our" time by making sure he know just how much I love him and care for him. I like to make sure to tell him it's not about sex but its about strengthening our relationship. This takes a lot of pressure off. Whether it's candlelight home cooked meals and fresh bed linens or time away I make it a point to call it our time and I never bring our issues or any problems with me – I leave those to God for the night. I always try to ask Jesus to take the lead because my goal is to let my husband know that for the night we are leaving our troubles and burdens behind.
Anne what a wonderful way to go about making it special! I know my husband likes it it I initiate once in awhile too! "Our time" separates it from everyone else and everything else that is going on in the day. It's a good hint to them just like the candle idea that Christi had. We CAN be creative!!!
Wow, thanks for all the ideas. My husband and I are very affectionate with each other. We are also holding hands, say I love you ALL THE TIME, have pet names for each other. IntImacy is #1 for us. We always make time for that. You could be waiting on him to get home and you are wearing one of his favorite negligee, have music playing real low, with rose petals everywhere, lights off, candles burning, then you get to finish the rest of the story…..
Everything starts with getting rid of the kids for a night. Then a walk and a candlit supper. A great movie and then some extensive cuddle time.
That is awesome Mandi! Having kids at home sometime can be challenging. Have that kid of yours call his Aunt Christi and Uncle Gary and we'll take him for the night!! 🙂