December 23, 2024

Winning Him Without Words – Weekly Review

 

This week marks the halfway mark on our journey through Winning Him Without Words. What a ride it has been, as we have laughed, prayed, and learned new insights together about how to live our life before our husbands according to 1 Peter 3.

Before we move on, may I share a scene with you of the Israelites on their journey to The Promise Land [Exodus 14]. Perhaps it will be an encouragement to us on our journey.

Moses had just lead over six hundred thousand Israelites, along with their herd of cattle, out of Egypt where they had been slaves for over 430 years.  At last they were on their way to Canaan, the land God had promised was theirs to inherit.

But Pharaoh, the Egyptian king and his army, came after them in hot pursuit.  When the Israelites saw Pharaoh and his army coming, they began to cry out to Moses:  “It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die out here in The Wilderness.”

God spoke to Moses and said:

Tell the children of Israel to “GO FORWARD.”

“Go forward?”  “The Red Sea is in front of us!”  “Are you sure, God?”

But God knew what do about The Red Sea.  “Stretch out your hand over the sea,” were His words to Moses.  As Moses stretched his hand over the sea, the waters divided, the sea became dry land, and they crossed to the other side. The sea returned, and all the Egyptians drowned.  Thus the Lord saved Israel that day out of the hands of the Egyptians, and they continued on their journey.

Now, one would think that after that miraculous delivery that the Israelites would never doubt that they could not make it to Canaan and receive the inheritance God had promised them.  However, only two people of the original group, Joshua and Caleb, made it to Canaan.

Why only two?  Could it be that Joshua and Caleb made it into Canaan because they never lost sight of the vision God had given them.  Not only that, but they acted upon that vision despite the circumstances they faced and the people around them who didn’t believe it was possible.

I believe that God is saying to us: GO FORWARD with the vision He has given us for our marriage!  And yes, He can part The Red Sea in our life to get us there.

This week, at our halfway stop in Chapter 5, Beverly, Jennifer, Donna, and Sarah gave us good insights to go forward by: Believing Our Marriage is Blessed.

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Let’s review their points now.

Monday:  Believe your Marriage is Blessed – The Way to Mismatchdom – -Beverly points to the question that we who are in an unequally yoked marriage are often asked:  “Did you know he wasn’t a Christian when you married him?”

In Beverly’s case, she did know that her husband wasn’t a Christian prior to marriage.  But, as she points out, she could not then and even now after all these years change him.

However, Beverly has learned powerful lessons in her spiritually mismatched marriage:

  • We aren’t better than our spouse just because we are the believer.
  • A superior attitude is not showing or providing a warm welcome to who Jesus is.
  • Don’t give up, God is fully aware of the situation.
  • Recognize God’s presence.
  • Relax and stop trying to do God’s job.

These lessons she has learned provides a real moment of truth:  Only then can we begin to enjoy marriage, tensions will ease, and we won’t have to constantly be talking to our man about our faith.  We are living it in front of them  (remember, actions speak louder than words) they will see!

May we do likewise

Tuesday:  “The Call to Obedience” / “God’s Plan for Your Marriage” – – Jennifer starts off on the call to obedience with Dineen’s statement on page 85.  “What God requires of all covenant relationships, including marriages, is that He be at the center, whether your husband believes in Jesus or not.”

Jennifer then asks us some very pointed questions:

  1. What defines your relationship with Jesus?
  2. Is it defined by whether or not your spouse comes to faith?
  3. Is it defined by you being able to pray with your spouse or being able to read Bible passages together?
  4. Is it defined by going to church with your spouse…or not?
  5. Why does my (or your) relationship with our mighty Savior depend on the actions (or inactions) of another sinful, imperfect human

Jennifer makes a very valid point in conclusion:  Since WE believe, WE bring Jesus into our marriage. And that, my dear friends, is powerful. Soak that it. Rest in that truth. Whether you see God in your marriage right now or not, I promise you HE IS THERE and HE IS WORKING

May we do likewise

Wednesday:  Are We the Sweet Aroma of Christ, Or the Stench of Death?  Donna had never given a thought before as to how she “smelled” as a Christian!

But, it made her think of a favorite aunt whose aroma was always so sweet, not only because of her perfume, but because she radiated love to her.  She made Donna feel special and that she mattered to her.  Her love was genuine and Donna could sense it, smell it, and see it.

Donna pointed out that is what is the kind of aroma God wants us to give off to our loved ones, according to 2 Corinthians 2:14-16.

Ask yourself:

  • Does he see me living out my faith as the aroma of Christ?
  • Does he something in me that he longs for in the deepest depths of his soul?
  • Or does he see an ugly example that turns him off?
  • Do I want to be the aroma of death, stinky, decaying, rotting, death? Or do I want to give off the sweet, loving, breathtaking aroma of Christ?
  • I choose Christ.”

May we do likewise

Thursday:  Blessed Doesn’t Mean Easy – Sarah ends the week by bringing us back to “giving thanks” for being in a mismatched marriage or any problem, for that matter, that we encounter.

Our natural tendency, as Sarah pointed out, is to focus on the problem and not the blessing God is trying to show us, or the lesson He would like us to grasp.  However, that doesn’t help or fix the issue.

Sarah challenges us to “turn your thinking around and see it through God’s eyes.  Look out, because your whole demeanor is going to change. You will be happy, worry free, stress free.”

Sarah, herself, has started doing this in many areas of her life and, I quote:  “the transformation in me was almost instantaneous!”

May we do likewise.

Friday: Discovery/Prayer – Father, God, I thank you for what you have taught us during the first five weeks on our journey in Winning Him Without Words. Help us to Go Forward remembering as we go, that “we can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens us.” In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Above all, if you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, and would like to have someone pray with you, please email us at Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com. and one of our prayer team members will contact you.

Have a blessed day,

Martha

Winning Him Without Words: Week 3 Review w/ Martha

This blog is brought to you today by Martha Bush

“What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”   [Mark 10:9]

And with that final scripture spoken over us, we kissed and ran down the aisle to start our new life together.  Yes, the bride with teased hair and the groom with a crew top, wearing a white sports coat is Mr. and Mrs. Glen Bush.  (60’s style fashion)

Never would either of us have thought on that blissful day that the time would come when, what God had joined together, would be disconnected.  No, not by way of divorce; we are still hanging in there 46 years later.  But, a disconnection whereby we were no longer “united as one” emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

The disconnect came in various ways, but the one who brought the biggest disconnect was none other than GOD.   Well, maybe God didn’t directly cause it.  But you see, I was a little confused on how to share my faith around my unsaved husband.

For example:

  • “I bought you a Bible, sweetheart.  Read it, so you can learn more about Jesus.”
  •  “Would you please straighten up your language!   And, for goodness sakes,  put that cigarette out. The Bible says your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.”
  • “Please don’t turn off my Jesus tapes; I’m worshipping.”
  • “You want sex tonight?  Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie.  The Bible says a couple can refrain from having sex when fasting, if they both agree.  You will agree to refrain while I am on this 3 week Daniel fast with my church, won’t you?”

Finally, one day my husband said to me:  “I want my wife back!”  “I want a friend and lover,  not a mother!”

OMG!  I had been on such a spiritual high to save his soul and help him be able to wear a halo like mine that I had totally disconnected from him.  He no longer knew me.

Changes had to be made.  I decided that  if I wanted to Stay Connected with the love of my life, I’d better  INTENTIONALLY take a closer look at what love, “God’s Way,” was all about.

Beverly, Jennifer, Donna, and Sara have painted a beautiful picture of love, “God’s Way” that is sure to help us all Stay Connected with our man as outlined in Chapter 3.

Let’s review their points.

Monday:  “Love is For a Lifetime – –As Beverly pondered what she could possibly share about  “love being for a lifetime”  one word within a sentence on Pg. 56 in our book caught her eye.  “God is freely giving us the secret to a long and joyful marriage.”

The word that stood out to her in that sentence was secret.  From that word, God showed Beverly that the secret to love for a lifetime is in the seven  C’s.

Commitment   Compromise   Communication   Courtesy   Charity   Courtship         The last and best “C” is Christ

Beverly said that a surefire way of maintaining these seven  ”C’s” is to:   pray together as husband and wife on a daily basis. Don’t let busy schedules, the TV, work, or the internet crowd this out. Make it your highest priority to “stay connected” and you will have a prosperous marriage journey that will “last a lifetime”

May we do likewise.

Tuesday:  “All Things Are Not Equal” – –Jennifer  poured out her frustrations about love and staying connected to her spouse.  No doubt, Jennifer’s frustrations are embedded in many of our hearts.

  1.     Why do I always have to give and give without ever getting anything in return?
  2.     Will I always live in this continual bout of frustration?
  3.    Why won’t my husband ever see that I am hurting?
  4.    Why won’t he anticipate my needs?
  5.   Why do I have to cater to HIS needs while mine remain unmet?
  6.   Why won’t he help me in my times of need?

Yes, we often find that All Things are Not Equal in our dream world of having an equal partnership.  So, what is the answer to our frustrations?  

Jennifer summed it up this way:  With God’s help, we can love without expectation. God knows our every need. God knows every ache of our heart. God knows every desire of our soul. I am here to tell you, as hard as this is to grasp, God is the only one who can meet your every need. If you continue to rely on your husband to meet your every need, you will always be disappointed, because your husband is not God.

May we do likewise.

Wednesday:  “Bring on the Bedroom” —Donna brought out that the God-given pleasure in staying connected is:  Intimacy in the Bedroom.

Yes, intimacy is a gift from God for a husband and wife, that brings us pleasure.  But, Donna points to the fact that, life gets in the way, and intimacy goes on the back burner, thus robbing us of this pleasure.  She then challenges us with this statement:  We need to make the effort.

Donna shared a few ideas from her own marriage that has kept intimacy between she and her husband alive.

  • Prayer                                                   Picnic
  • Texting/calling at work                 Candles   (Christi’s choice)
  • Write notes to view at work         Reserve room at hotel
  • Buy a new negligee                         Vacation together
  • Plan a date night                             Attend marriage seminars

May we do likewise

 

Thursday:  “When You don’t Agree” – – Sarah confirms to us that “intimacy in the bedroom” is God’s idea of staying connected by pointing us to The Song of Solomon. This book is dedicated to the story of pursuing love, expressing love, and enjoying love…being able to abandon ourselves to our husbands wholeheartedly and with passion, holding nothing back. God is not a prudish God.  He definitely wants us to enjoy sex!

However, Sarah points us to the reality that we all might have face answering some tough questions about what goes on in the bedroom with our spouse. In short, how far is too far?

Sarah came into agreement with Lynn, our author as to how to answer some of those tough questions.  You need to talk about setting boundaries. Your husband married you because he loves YOU, not what you can do for him sexually. He needs to respect your wishes and you need to do the same for him. But he can never expect you to do things you feel are inappropriate or make you feel ashamed.  If you sit down and talk about what you are both comfortable and not comfortable with, there can be no misunderstandings. The marriage bed is supposed to be a comfortable and enjoyable place to be. Without setting boundaries, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy love making with your husband and that is not what God wants for you.

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Christi added another line of questions that we might be faced with in regards to sexual intimacy.

  1. What about couples who have sexless marriages due to physical problems?
  2. What about those women whose husband has no sex drive?
  3.  What about the couple that realizes that physical problems prevent them from having sex, but they are okay with it?  They love each other anyway.  Is that sexless marriage okay?
  4. If, a sexless marriage is truly acceptable to both parties, is this something God would approve?

Christi suggested a list of books that would help us answer the tough questions we might have.  But, she concludes with:  Whatever you do, PRAY!  Pray the Word of God over your marriage, over your bedroom, over your bed, over your husband’s pillow.  As Sarah suggested above, take the book of Song of Solomon and pray it over you and your husband in 1st person. If you have to, read it out loud when you go to bed together!

Friday:  Discovery/Prayer:  Father God, no doubt as was Esther, we, too, have been brought into the Kingdom for such a time as this.  You have called us to a high calling: “Being a Wife.”  I ask you, in the name of your son, Jesus, to help each of us Stay Connected with our husband, and to live out our life according to 1 Peter 3 before him.  The truths you have revealed to us this week are priceless.  Help us walk them out.  In Jesus name, I pray.  Amen.

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Above all, if you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, and would like to have someone pray with you, please email us at Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com. and one of our prayer team members will contact you.

Winning Him Without Words: Weekly Overview

“Whither thou goest, I will go, and where thou lodgest, I will lodge:  

thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.”

Ruth 1:16  

Yes, that was the scripture the minister spoke over my husband and me on our wedding day.

  1. From a peanut farm in Georgia to Tripoli Lybia, North Africa and on to Maine, Louisiana, Texas. Never would I have thought that  “going whither he goest and “lodged” would take me to so many places.

  2. His people became my dearest family.

  3. And then it happened – -seven years into the marriage, I met someone that separated us.  His name was Jesus, and at that point, my husband’s god was no longer my God.

It was then I set out on a mission to accomplish my #1 goal in my marriage – – -“Save my Husband,”  so that he would, not only go to hell, but enjoy this new man in my life with me.

But, no matter how hard I tried, he wouldn’t buy into it. To add to my place of defeat, I received a prophetic word that said:  “Sometimes we are looking for a closer relationship for our loved ones, when at the moment God is looking for that relationship with us.”

What I wanted to say to this person giving this prophetic word was:  “You missed it.  God and me are tight!  It’s my husband who needs to be in a relationship, and I am going to be the one who helps him obtain it.”  But, the Holy Spirit tapped me on the shoulder one day and politely told me that He didn’t need my help; He could handle things.

And so it was, I had to stop doing what our author, Lynn Donovan, refers to as “spiritual ambush.”  [pg 40]

As Beverly, Jennifer, Donna, and Sarah outlined each topic in Chapter 2, they bought us to a place of discovering

  • where we have been on our journey in trying to “Save Our Husbands”

  • where we are now

  • and where the Holy Spirit is leading us.

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Let’s review their points on Chapter 2 now.

Monday:  Don’t Save Your Husband, Save Yourself – -Beverly told us of all the many things she once did to get her husbands saved and in a relationship with the Lord. Beverly describes these manipulative efforts at soul winning as a handbook on how NOT to win your spouse to Christ.

Beverly arrived at an important decision about her soul winning efforts: “I decided long ago to accept that it’s God’s job to change hearts. That decision frees me to pursue my relationship with God without the added burden of having to bring my husband to faith. All I have to do is love and enjoy him. That’s God’s plan for me, and he gives me all the grace I need to accomplish it.

May we do likewise.

Tuesday:  It’s Safe to Relinquish Control – -Jennifer pointed us to the fact that we know that we can’t save our husbands, but relinquishing our control is hard to do.  She agree with the reasons that Lynn stated that made it so hard.   [page 44]

  • I am the only believer my husband encounters on a regular basis

  • I am the one person who is actively praying for him

  • If I do not show my husband Jesus, who will?

But, Jennifer pointed to Lynn’s statement that made a humbling impression on her to stop the control game.  You are underestimating the power of the Lord in your life.  [pg. 44]

May we do likewise.

Wednesday:   Throw Me a Life Preserver:   Donna pointed us to the reality that we are always in need of refining within our marriage. Forgiveness is one thing that is usually part of that refining process, which could go back to things that happened to us in childhood.  It is those experiences that might have left us with anger, bitterness, and a controlling nature.  Those things hurt our marriage and each other.

Donna summed it us by saying:  “I have found that when I hang onto God and trust him to be in control I find freedom and, to quote our author, God can change little ole me and my marriage for His glory.

May we do likewise.

Thursday:  A Daily Prayer / How Should We Pray—Sarah brought us back to the place we should be before we got on the bandwagon of trying to Save Our Husbands – – -Prayer!

Even with that revelation, Sarah points to the fact that we have to rid ourselves of distractions, get focused, and the ultimate question of “How to Pray.”

What works for Sarah has been:

  • Praying in the morning, which frees my mind of the day’s worries because nothing has happened yet to worry or stress me out! Another benefit to praying in the morning is I am better prepared to handle anything that may come along to worry or stress me out!

  • To stay focus, Sarah started a prayer journal, as Lynn suggested.  She says that by writing her prayers out in long hand, really brings her focus onto the paper and away from the distractions in the room.

  • How to Pray, Sarah says that praying from her Bible, using the right scriptures for what she needs God’s help in, but really didn’t know how to ask.  She turns those scriptures into a personal prayer.

Sarah’s new prayer life is inspiring a special person in her life – – HER HUSBAND!

May we do likewise!

Friday:  Discovery/Prayer:  Father God, if I could pray just one simple prayer for myself, and this whole community of women who are desiring a closer walk with you, it would be this:  “Help us to be doers of your word, and not just hearers.”  Those things that you have revealed to us this week are priceless.  Help us walk them out.  In Jesus name, I pray.

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For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Above all, if you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, and would like to have someone pray with you, please email us at Prayer@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com. and one of our prayer team members will contact you.

Blessings to you,

Martha