This blog is brought to you today by Sarah Boyer & Christi Wilson
“How am I supposed to compete with that?” Do you ever say that when you see an ad with a Victoria’s Secret model or see a skinny young thing on TV with everything where it ought to be (thanks to Photoshop!)? I do. Today’s world places so much emphasis on youth and beauty; it is hard to not get caught up in the hype to look younger, thinner, and less wrinkly.
But what if your husband sees these same commercials and ads and starts to suggest that you wear skimpy outfits like those women. Or what if he subscribes to a certain type of magazine or visits sites online that portray women in sexual situations that you know are wrong and demoralizing, but your husband thinks would be fun? After all, the bible says to submit to your husband. But how far is too far?
I love how Lynn answers this tough question. You need to talk about setting boundaries in the bedroom. Your husband married you because he loves YOU, not what you can do for him sexually. He needs to respect your wishes and you need to do the same for him. But he can never expect you to do things you feel are inappropriate or make you feel ashamed. If you sit down and talk about what you are both comfortable and not comfortable with, there can be no misunderstandings. No, it won’t be an easy conversation, but it is just as important as discussing money issues and child rearing methods. The marriage bed is supposed to be a comfortable and enjoyable place to be. Without setting boundaries, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy love making with your husband and that is not what God wants for you.
What if your husband calls you a “prude” because you are Christian? You need to reassure him and tell him that God approves of sex between a husband and a wife and that you are not, nor will you ever become a prude because you are a Christian. Sex is a beautiful thing between a husband and wife. It is the most intimate way you can show your love for one another. There is no need to be prudish about sex with your husband. God designed us to be intimate with our spouses. He wants us to enjoy sex too! Read Song of Solomon if you doubt me! The whole book is dedicated to the story of pursuing love, expressing love, and enjoying love…being able to abandon ourselves to our husbands wholeheartedly and with passion, holding nothing back. That doesn’t sound like God wants us to be prudish to me!
I love what Lynn wrote at the end of this section: Intimacy, love, sex, trust, forgiveness, commitment, respect – all of these are components of married love and are gifts from the Lord. Enjoy!
One more problem that can come up in our sex lives is agreeing on WHEN. As wives and mothers we are tired! We work full time jobs, we take care of the kids, we cook, we clean, and then at the end of the day we are expected to be enthusiastic lovers when we really want to just go to sleep. I understand, but getting into this pattern of work, cooking and cleaning, and taking care of kids puts your husband last on the list. Men are physical beings, connecting in the bedroom is how they express their most intimate love for you. You need to make an effort not to deny him. Yes we are tired, but you really need to make an effort to make time for love making with your husband. Remember when you were first married? Your guy was the most important thing in your life, next to God of course. Make an effort to rekindle those feelings for your husband and make time for him just like you did when you were newlyweds!
Godspeed,
Sarah
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For the last couple of days, we’ve been talking about the pleasures of the marriage bed. But today, I want to add a little something to think about.
What about women who have sexless marriages? For those marriages that have physical problems, maybe one spouse is physically incapable of having sex. Is it okay that this marriage is sexless, if both parties agree that it’s okay? Or is it a detriment to the marriage because it leaves room for temptation?
What about those women whose husband has no sex drive? There are men out there who are unable to perform sexually due to medical reasons, but are unable to take certain medications because of other physical problems. Is this sexless marriage okay? Or does this leave room for temptation?
What about the couple that realizes that physical problems prevent them from having sex, but they are okay with it? They love each other anyway. Is that sexless marriage okay?
Sex is such an important part of marriage. But we have to realize too, that there are reasons couples cannot have sex. They may be able to do everything else, but unable to complete the lovemaking. If this is truly acceptable to both parties, is this something God would approve?
We just have to keep these things in mind when it comes to having a satisfying sex life. There are other ways of having a fulfilling sex life without intercourse. I know this is bold, but it’s the truth. If both couples agree to a sexless marriage, I personally do not feel there is anything wrong with this, especially when it comes to physical problems preventing it; but I do believe that both parties must be in total agreement with it.
Whatever you do, PRAY! Pray the Word of God over your marriage, over your bedroom, over your bed, over your husband’s pillow. As Sarah suggested above, take the book of Song of Solomon and pray it over you and your husband in 1st person, such as: “(Spouse’s name) is my beloved, and I am (Spouse’s Name), and his desire is only for me. And so on. Read the whole book! If you have to, read it out loud when you go to bed together!
Listed below are some good books that I would suggest for couples who are just struggling in the bedroom: “Sex Begins in the Kitchen” by Dr. Kevin Leman — “Sheet Music” by Dr. Kevin Leman — “The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Smalley – There are many other great books out there to choose from.
God bless,
Christi
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Let’s Pray:
Lord, sometimes as wives we view sex as a “have to” instead of a “want to” which creates a roadblock to our intimacy with our husbands. Please help us to remember that You intended sex to be a fun and loving activity with our husband. Help us to put away the stresses of life and enjoy our intimacy with our husbands. Let our intimacy bring us closer together and help us to stay connected. Remind us that You want us to enjoy sex with our husbands, giving our full abandon.
We pray for those marriages who are physically incapable of having sex. We ask Lord that You give these couples creative ideas on fulfilling each other sexually. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.
Your Assignment:
I would like you to describe below the best date you had with your husband while you were dating. As you write about it, remember how you felt on that date. Remember the anticipation you felt while getting all dolled up for your guy. Remember how he looked, and remember your feelings for him during that date. Write it all out and then as soon as possible, recreate that date!
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