November 5, 2024

Captivating: Chapter 10 – “Our Last Year Together” – “The Cost” (pgs 173-176)

The true repair of a relationship is an indescribable feeling. Some have experienced this and some haven’t; some haven’t had the need to rebuild a relationship on this level. But God will restore a relationship lost through simple miscommunication or deep hurt. The one point that has rang true to me through this entire book has more to do with not what God can do for us.  It has to do with what we will allow Him to do.  He has written in His word that He is capable, willing, and does great and wonderful things in our lives. 

Will we let Him into our lives and hearts and open ourselves to the healing He has ready for us?

I’ve worked as in the hospice field for a little over 3 years now and as a Bereavement Counselor for a little over two. The story in these two sections is one that I have seen many times, and each time it becomes more and more beautiful. The redemption and healing of a relationship is possible. Through some of the most difficult situations and circumstances God will rebuild ties we thought were severed forever. He will mend together the pieces of our heart that we thought were not able to ever be fixed.

“I tell you this story because I want you to know that redemption is possible. Healing is possible. Ask Jesus to bring it to you and it’s yours.”

 

Let’s Pray:

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of healing and restoration that You offer. If any of our hearts are hardened in this area please soften them, Lord. Please open our hearts and eyes to see the work that You want to do in our lives. Help us to bring the relationships in our lives that need healing to You, Lord. Thank You for this precious gift! It is a gift to us and to those we love.

Your Assignment:

Do you have an example of a relationship restored? Journal your story, and if you feel compelled, please share your story with us. Your story may encourage and inspire another.

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GWS

Our next Women’s Online Bible/Book study will begin March 24th!

To join us, click on the picture above and complete the registration form.

Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details!

We hope you will join us!

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 If you are interested in sending a private message to Tonya about this blog, please email her at TonyaEllison@girlfriendscoffeehour.com

Captivating: Chapter 10 – “Mothers, Daughters, Sisters” – “The Long Road Home” (pp 168-173)

 

Adam named his wife Eve,

because she would become the mother of all the living.

 GENESIS 3:20 

If you want to understand any woman

When I think about the woman that I have become, I give all the credit to my mother.  I may not have been the perfect daughter, but I did my best to be who she wanted me to be.

Just like Stasi Eldredge, I went through different phases while growing up.  I, too, did things I am not proud of; and I, too, gave my mother grief during my college years and my early twenties.  When I was at home, I made sure I was doing everything as I was told but all the while hiding the things I was doing.  I wasn’t into drugs, but I portrayed myself as someone who wasn’t dating or going to parties.  However, no matter how hard you try to hide, things come out in the end and, in my case, they did. My mother was disappointed and threatened to have me withdrawn from college.  For a while I lived up to her expectations until I started working and began to live with my aunt.  Well, my aunt made sure she reported everything I did—if I came late from work, my mother knew about it; if I had a date on Saturday afternoon or if I didn’t go to church on Sunday morning, my mother would ask me why on Monday morning.

My relationship with my mother was restrained during this time, and it made me hide who I was from her.  I longed to be a good daughter…but I couldn’t be since all she heard were the bad things that I did.  My mum would say that “I needed Jesus.”  All the “bad” I was doing was because I didn’t know Jesus.  Well, like a daughter who wanted to be in the best books with her mother, I received Jesus at a major crusade that took place.  I stopped pretending that I loved the Catholic Church and started going to a Pentecostal church.  I broke up with my boyfriend at that time because he didn’t share my new faith.  My weekends were spent at church or at home if there wasn’t a church program.  I became someone who my mum and aunt were proud of.  The reporting slowly stopped and life was good.

I wish I could end here and say that things were like that over the years.  Unfortunately it wasn’t.  I wasn’t always the good girl and this wasn’t the last time I would hide or make wrong decisions in life and disappoint my mother.  However, despite my shortcomings, my mother was there to correct me and show the correct path.  My mistakes did not stop my mum from loving me.  She was there with me through the heartbreak and pain that I suffered in my relationships.  She always rushed to be by my side when I needed her the most.

“Girls’ hearts flourish in homes where they are seen and invited to become ever more themselves. Parents who enjoy their daughters are giving them and the world a great gift. Mothers in particular have the opportunity to offer encouragement to their daughters by inviting them into their feminine world and by treasuring their daughters’ unique beauty” – Stasi Eldredge.

Looking back at my life now, I cherish the life that my parents gave me and my siblings.  We were given opportunities to excel in everything that we did.  My parents encouraged us to dream big and rejoiced with us when we did well in school and never failed to show us how much they loved and cared for us.

My mother went to be with the Lord last year after she lost her battle with diabetes.  She left behind a legacy of love, strength, and care.  She was always full of advice.  She was not someone who would embarrass you when you did something wrong;she would call you aside, listen to your side of the story, and tell you what you did wrong and what doing the right thing looked like.  My mother lived by example.  If she wanted something done, she would be the first to do it.  She was someone who would be the first and last to leave a room, making sure everything was fine.  I pray that I  become half the person that she was.

I know that some of you cannot say such things about your relationship with your mother because of the pain she may have caused you; but at the end of the day, a mother and daughter’s relationship is the most of important of all.  It’s the relationship that helps us when we grow up and become mothers ourselves.

My prayer is that no matter what went on in the past or if it may still be happening right now, we would look to the Lord to help us restore the relationship with our mothers.  My mother said I needed Jesus—and she was right.  Our faith in the Lord is what cemented our relationship.  Every time we discussed issues regarding faith, all our differences would melt away.  When we talked about Jesus, we were not mother and daughter but we were both children of the most High God, we were both daughters.  I enjoyed hearing my mother say “I am praying for you” because I knew that she meant it.

Be Blessed

Jackie

LET’S PRAY:

Lord, I thank You for the precious gift that You gave to me—my mother.   I thank You for the life that I had with her, and what she meant to me and my family.  I pray for my fellow sisters whose relationships with their mothers are not great right now, that You will restore it.  May they cherish one another and learn from one another.  May their relationships be Christ-like and forgiving.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT:

How is the relationship with your mother or daughter?  If you were given an opportunity to write about her, what would you say?  Please take time today and tell her how much she means to you.

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GWS

Our next Women’s Online Bible/Book study begins March 24th!

We hope you will join us.

Click on the picture above to sign up today!

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If you would like to send Jackie a private email in regards to this blog post, you may email her at:  Jackie@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

Captivating: Chapter 9 Weekly Review – “Arousing Adam”

Wow, wow, wow!!!  Has this been an awesome chapter or what? Every week we learn so much from the Eldredge’s!

On Monday, Jackie wrote that although we love the men in our lives with all we have, we cannot answer the question that boggles their minds. This validation of a man’s soul only comes from knowing who he is in Christ. In the same way, a man cannot fill the void that is inside our hearts no matter how much he declares his love for us. Only God Can!

On Tuesday, Tonya confirmed once again that the strength of God is what makes us BEAUTIFUL. The hand of God in our lives is what prepares us for life, it’s what teaches us how to be beautiful, it’s what teaches us how to be good women. God completes us, not men. God needs to be our Number One man, always!

On Wednesday, Carissa asked if we identify with the Emasculating, Desolate or Arousing Woman. What we do need to remember as a woman, is that the men in our lives need us to be their “ezer,” their support, and their strength.  Which woman did you identify with?

On Thursday, Michelle told us that we deserve to be valued, and not every man deserves all of us. We must guard our treasures—physical, emotional, and spiritual—to share with the man that only the Lord provides.

Reading this chapter made me long to be the Arousing Woman. I want to be the woman my husband hates to leave in the morning and can’t wait to return to in the evening. Yes, things happened in our lives that made us feel insecure, hurt, and ugly but, by the grace of God, all that can change. Let us put God first, let Him be our Number One Man, and our relationship with the man in our lives will be what God intended it to be.

Let’s Pray:

Father, thank You for another chance to learn about being Captivating. I pray that we will put You first in our lives, that we will work on our relationship with You first. Amen.

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GWS

Our next online Bible study begins March 24th!

Click on the picture to sign up TODAY!!

 

Captivating: Chapter 9 – “Loving Fallen Men” – “Good Men That Do Not Belong To You” (pp 161-167)

Wow, ladies…I have to say, this section of the chapter really hit close to home in many ways.  And to be honest, part of me started to balk as I was reading this.  “I can’t write about that!  I can’t talk about that!”  or  “I don’t know what to say!”  Of course, I know this is a ploy of the enemy to try to get me to shy away from a difficult topic, so here I humbly sit writing this post for me, as much as every reader out there.  I pray you are blessed.

You Will Find Me

Seek me with all your heart.  How many of us long to have a man who is willing to do just that?  Exactly what does that look like?  And how do we cultivate that in our relationships? This is no easy question.  I believe that we have to walk a delicate line when we are attracted to a man.  In the book John and Stasi state, “Don’t offer everything, but don’t offer nothing.”  How do we know what is too much…not enough?  This is something we cannot do on our own.  This is when we must lean into the arms of Jesus and seek His guidance. Fervently pray for discernment and wisdom when entering into any relationship.

We also need to remember that “don’t offer everything” not only includes the physical, but also the emotional.  I have had some trials in my life, like most of us, and in the past I have found myself spewing forth every detail of my past to someone who, in reality, I barely knew. We have to realize that this isn’t necessary; as with anything else, the reveal should be slow and based on increased intimacy with a man.  When we find ourselves sharing so much so soon, we also have to look at our motivations for doing it.  Are we longing for intimacy so much that we are forcing the issue?  Are we sharing every skeleton in our closet to scare any potential mate away?  Or are we just not using good judgement?

We deserve to be valued, and not every man deserves all of us ladies.  Guard your treasures—physical, emotional, and spiritual—to share with the man the Lord provides.  We cannot avoid this challenge in our journey but, when we trust in our Lord and seek His guidance completely and fully,  the results will all be worth it.  Remember the words in Matthew 6:33 (NLT) – “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.”

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LET’S PRAY:

Father, I ask You to guide us.  You know this journey isn’t an easy one.  It can be so hard to know how much is too much when we delve into the world of dating.  We pray that we always keep You first, because then all that follows will be pure.  Guard our hearts, mind our tongues, and keep us close as we learn to discern Your voice in the chaos.  Thank You for loving us with a love like no other.  In Your Heavenly Name we pray.  Amen.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT:

In which aspect do you find it hardest to find the balance between “not enough” and “too much?”  Is it spiritual?  Physical?  Emotional?  In what ways do you turn to God for guidance?

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GWS

Our next online Bible study begins March 24th!

Click on the picture to sign up TODAY!! 

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 If you would like to send Michelle a private email in regards to this blog post, you may email her at:  Michelle@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

Captivating: Chapter 9 – “Emasculating Women” – “Arousing Women” (pp 158-161)

As I read about each “type” of woman, I attempted to pin myself to one of the three types.

Am I the Emasculating Woman—always trying to be the boss and control my man in order to get my way? Is my heart hard and do I send the message that “I don’t need a man. I can do everything on my own?”

Am I the Desolate Woman—super needy for love and attention because I’m trying to fill the void in my heart that only God can fill? Am I hiding in activities and business to disguise the hurt and desperation I have to be “completed?” Does my desire to “get a man” define me?

Am I the Arousing Woman—strong and confident in who I am in Christ? Am I gentle to the men in my life, encouraging them to fill their role and be the Hero? Do I act in love and beauty and offer it daily?

The truth is I have embodied all of these types of women at some point in my life.  And you probably have, too!

So the question is: which type of woman do you resemble most in your life right now?  How has God changed your heart in the past few months, years, maybe even decades?

Ladies, the men need us.  We’re their “ezer,” their support, and their strength.  What messages are you sending to the men in your life?

I love how our authors condense the Arousing Woman’s role into two simple sentences:

Need him.  And believe in him.

 

Praise Him,

Carissa

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Let’s Pray:

Heavenly Father, we thank You for the men in our lives.  Lord, we lift them up right now, that they will seek You and find who they are in You and only You.  As we walk through this life, let us, as women, demonstrate to our men that we need them, and we support them.  Let us speak life to our men.  Thank You that we are able to do these things because of You.  In Your Name we pray, Amen.

 

Your Assignment:

What does needing a man in a healthy, God-centered way look like?  In what ways can we show the men in our lives that we believe in their abilities and goals?

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GWS

Our next online Bible study begins March 24th!

Click on the picture to sign up TODAY!! 

Captivating: Chapter 9 – “How Does a Woman Love A Man?” – “The Holy Scandalous Women Of The Bible”

Throughout my life I have heard that there are many ways to a man’s heart, many ways to make a man happy. Sex and food being the main two theories or methods, tools, feeding his favorite hobby, or being submissive. I’m sure if a survey were taken it would be found that there are as many answers as there are people polled, and that the answers differ greatly between men and women.

“Femininity is what arouses his masculinity. His strength is what makes a woman yearn to be beautiful.”

”The beauty of a woman is what arouses the strength of a man.” 

The first thought that popped into my head was “hmmm….” But it makes sense, there are many other complimentary relationships in life, this just happens to be a very important one, past the peanut butter to my jelly, past the ink to my printer, it is about a man to his woman and a woman to her man, strength to beauty and beauty to strength.

But what if I’m single. What does that mean for me?

What I write next applies to all women. Before God sends our husband, and even after God has blessed us with the man we are to marry, we need to make Him Number One in our life. The strength of God is what makes us beautiful. The hand of God in our life is what prepares us for life, it’s what teaches us how to be beautiful, it’s what teaches us how to be good women. It’s been said before that a man doesn’t complete us, God completes us. Yes, a man’s strength is what makes a woman yearn to be beautiful, but until that man comes along, and even after he has been placed in our lives, the Number One man needs to be God.

The strongest women in the Bible displayed courage, cunning, and stunning vulnerability.  When we display these characteristics in our relationship with God it will only allow His strength to shine through more.  When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to Him, then our beauty will shine through more.

 

With Love,

Tonya

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Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord,

Beauty is a word strived for by all women, beauty is also one of the things in life that seems impossible to feel at times. But when we allow Your strength to take hold of our life that beauty shines bright; when we are vulnerable to You, Lord, our beauty is magnified because of Your strength. Please prepare us for our husbands by teaching us how to let masculinity and strength shine through because when this takes place our beauty does the same.  In Jesus’ Name we pray. Amen.

Your Assignment:

 “Femininity is what arouses his masculinity. His strength is what makes a woman yearn to be beautiful”…”The beauty of a woman is what arouses the strength of a man.”   

What does this mean to you? Or what else stood out to you? Share your thoughts; they may bless someone more than you know.

 

GWS_Slider1

Our next Online Bible Study

“Girls with Swords” by Lisa Bevere begins March 24th.  

To join us for this amazing study, click on the picture above!

Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details!

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 If you are interested in sending a private message to Tonya, please email her at TonyaEllison@girlfriendscoffeehour.com

Captivating: Chapter 9 – “Arousing Adam” (Reading Assignment)

Happy Sabbath Ladies!

This week we will be delving into Chapter 9, Arousing Adam.  This chapter talks about how men’s wounds sometimes cause them to become passive or overly driven and what women should do to encourage men to become the type of men God intends them to be.

Here are our reading assignments for the week:

Monday: Jackie – Arousing Adam – Standing in Love’s Way

Tuesday: Tonya – How Does a Woman Love a Man – The Holy Scandalous Women of the Bible

Wednesday: Carissa – Emasculating Women – Arousing Women

Thursday: Michelle – Loving Fallen Men – Good Men That Do Not Belong to You

Friday: Jackie – Weekly Review

LET’S PRAY

Lord, I ask for Your blessing upon each and every woman in this study.  You know their hearts even better than they do.  Through this study, through this book, and especially through your Word speak to them.  Give them what they need to hear and give them the clarity to recognize it even when it isn’t easy.

Captivating: Chapter 8 Review

Girlfriends, this week we learned about our true beauty!  Please join me as I go over some vital points of this last week with you.

On Monday, we learned from Jackie that Beauty that comes from the inside is what this world longs to see from us. It is such Beauty that speaks and people listen; it invites others in and makes them want to stay forever; it nourishes, comforts, inspires, and it is transcendent. It is this Beauty that draws us to God.

On Tuesday,Tonya said that, despite what life and others may say, God created all of us for a reason. He knew what character traits we would have, and He placed them in us for a purpose. Through Him and His love we can all embrace who we are and open our hearts to rest.

On Wednesday we were challenged by Carissa to think about our ‘ugly’ moments. Our ‘ugly’ moments have one thing in common: OURSELVES!!!!! Let us change the ugly into beauty by reaching out to those in need. We offer joy and beauty when we serve.

On Thursday with Michelle we learned that unveiling our beauty is not just a simple matter of putting on a nice outfit and some makeup. Unveiling our beauty is our greatest expression of FAITH, HOPE, and  LOVE.

Girlfriends, for the last couple of months I have been on a life-changing journey. Although I have been deeply hurt and wounded, I decided to trust God with every fiber of my being. Instead of focusing on the ugly and the disappointments, I focused my attention on the beauty that will come out of this experience.

Let’s Pray:

Father, thank You for Your beauty that lives within us. Thank You that we don’t have to allow the ugly of this world to consume us and to change us.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Captivating: Chapter 8 – Letting Our Hearts Be Deepened – Faith, Hope and Love (pp 144-149)

Deepening our hearts sounds like a no-brainer, right?  Who wouldn’t want to deepen our hearts, grow closer to God, enhance our relationships?  Well, when we find out the method He uses to do the actual deepening, we may be a little more hesitant.

To possess true beauty we must be willing to suffer.  Wait…what?  Yes, ladies, that is scary and makes me want to run too, but we must be willing to suffer.  “Why?” you ask?  Well, the better question is “Why not?”  As our authors state, “If Christ Himself was perfected through His sufferings, why would I believe God would not want to do the same with me?” Sometimes God leaves us in the painful places.  Not because He doesn’t love us, but because He does love us. His main purpose is not to make us happy, but to grow and restore us in an eternal weight of glory.  Cultivating this beauty will likely require waiting and tenacity.  It is in this time of waiting when we turn to our relationship with the Lord.

During the wait we must not sit idle.  Along with spending time with God, we need to be kind and gentle with ourselves.  We need to feed on beauty. We need to laugh, rest, refresh.  As women, we tend to put everyone else before ourselves, and we need to stop that.  We are important, and we need to start treating ourselves as such.

Unveiling our Beauty

 

Unveiling our beauty is not just a simple matter of putting on a nice outfit and some makeup.  It is hard, and it takes work, but ladies…the results are SO worth it!  Remember:  unveiling our beauty is our greatest expression of faith because we have to completely trust Jesus.

Unveiling our beauty is our greatest expression of hope, because we put our hope in our growing beauty through our relationship with Jesus.

Unveiling beauty is our greatest expression of love, because we are able to love like Jesus, with a sincere, inviting love.

Faith. Hope. Love.

Be blessed, sisters. Never forget how beautiful and loved you are!

 

LET’S PRAY:

Lord, I ask You to come along side of us.  We know You love us, and sometimes love means pain.  We trust that with these struggles comes a life more amazing than we can ever imagine.  Give us the grace needed to turn to You when we are unsure or feel as if we are faltering.  Help us remember to pamper ourselves because we deserve to.  We want to live confidently and fearlessly under Your guardianship.  Thank You for always being by our side.  In Your Holy Name we pray.  Amen.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT:

What are some of the ways you pamper yourself, or take some “me” time?  If you had one day to do whatever you wanted to, what would you do?  Let’s share!

Captivating: Chapter 8 – Offering Beauty – Of Course It Feels Risky (pp 138-142)

TrueBeauty

“The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.” –William James

I challenge you to think about your “ugly” moments.  What’s in your heart? Is beauty being revealed to those around you when you gossip, when you think negatively, when you dwell in self-pity and despair?

Our “ugly” moments have one thing in common: our self.  We’re focused on how I feel, what I want, what I don’t have…you get the point.  It’s all about “me.”  In each of our authors’ examples of women who offered true beauty, these ladies did a 180 with the spotlight.  They focused their hearts, their attitudes, and subsequently, their actions on reaching out to people.  Healing begins when we reach out to those in need; we offer joy and beauty when we serve.

“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.” – Barack Obama

True beauty is a condition of the heart.  I challenge you today to examine your own heart.  Where is it? What does it look like? How do you want God to change it so that He can work through you to affect the hearts of others?

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom,
and the one who gets understanding,
for the gain from her is better than gain from silver

    and her profit better than gold.


She is more precious than jewels,
and nothing you desire can compare with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are ways of pleasantness,
and all her paths are peace.


She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her;
those who hold her fast are called blessed.

Psalms 3:13-18

Praise Him,

 

Carissa

 

Let’s Pray

Heavenly Father, we thank You for Your work in our lives in the past, present, and future.  Lord, we know You have a plan.  Let Your will be done.  Help us to show the world our true beauty, the beauty You’ve instilled in each of our hearts.  We love You, and thank You for continually renewing us each day.  In Your Name we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment

What’s holding you back from fully offering beauty to those in your life? Is it fear? Is it rejection? Is it a self-centered attitude?