Quoting Frances Chan, page 56:  “If I could choose one word to describe my feelings about God in those first years of being a Christian, it would be fear.  Basically, any verses that described His overwhelming greatness or His wrath were easy for me to relate to because I feared my own father.”   However, Chan stated on page 55 that his relationship with God took a major turn when he became a father himself.  The words he now uses are reverent intimacy.

Personally, I am so grateful I never experienced the fear of my father.  I knew my daddy loved me, even when he disciplined me, and I have never doubted God’s love for me. However, there came a time in my life that I experienced what Christian counselor and psychologist, Robert McGee, refers to as blocked development, which began to affect my relationship with God.

In his book, You and Your Parents, McGee points out that a child goes through 4 stages of emotional development, each stage serving as a foundation for the next.

1. Bonding (birth – 2)  The need to be loved:  Its purpose is to convey feelings of love, value, worth, closeness, and trust.
2. Separateness (2-11)  The need to set personal boundaries:  This is what I feel, I  don’t feel that way; I believe this, I don’t believe that.
3. Adolescence (11-18)  The need to develop adult behavior and identity: What am I good at doing and not good at doing.  What are good and unwise choices.
4. Maturity (19 & older)  The need to continue growing in adult behavior and identity: Learn how little we really know, and how much more we have to learn.

McGhee says that based on the type of parental modeling a child encounters starting at birth, the child could become blocked and not progress to the next stage.  When that happens, the child’s emotional, relational, as we as hi spiritual, development remains at whatever stage he became blocked in.

Hang with me while I give a personal example that bears this teaching out. As I said, I never doubted how much my dad loved me as a child.  Certainly, I had bonded with my dad and it transferred over to knowing God loved me unconditionally.

However, once I reached the next stage called a separateness, that’s when problems started, although I didn’t know this as a child.  In both my parents’ efforts to shield and protect me from “life,” they were unable to find a balance between advising and guiding while at the same time giving me some freedom to begin forming my own thoughts and beliefs.

Added to that was my own personality type, which could be described as laid back, don’t rock the boat, desires peace and harmony at all cost.

The result of these two scenarios combined were:  I became a cripple at making decisions on my own and had no confidence in myself.  In short, I lost my identity and became a puppet on a string in my adult life trying to please everyone with whom I interacted.

I began to sense the emotional strain this was having on me, but did not realize that it had actually affected my relationship with God until He began to lead me down a totally new path in my life—a path that would require a major transition.

Fear gripped me.  I was afraid of trusting my own heart.  I was afraid of making a  decision…something I had never done as a child nor as a grown woman.  Up until this time, I had allowed others to think, feel, and make decisions for me. 

However, after months of prayer in trying to make a decision to follow the path I felt God was leading me down, these Scriptures literally leaped off the pages of the Bible to me: 

• For do I now persuade men or God?  Or do I seek to please men?  For if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.  (Galatians 1:10)
• These are the commands, decrees, and regulations that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you. You must obey them in the land you are about to enter and occupy, and you and your children and grandchildren must fear (reverence) the Lord your God as long as you live. If you obey all his decrees and commands, you will enjoy a long life.  (Deuteronomy 6:1-2)

A peace settled over me, and I knew it was God that I should be concerned about pleasing.  And with that, I began walking in obedience to His call on my life.  “He’s the BOSS.”

And that chapter in my life was my testing time in learning what Reverent Intimacy or the Reverence of God means.   Mr. Chan learned it when his own children were born.  I learned it when I was put in a position to make a decision to wholeheartedly follow God’s leading.  My life has never been the same.

Be blessed,

Martha

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Let’s Pray:

Father God, thank You for Your unconditional love for us.  May we put aside anything that has hindered us from being intimate with You.  In Jesus’ name, I pray.  Amen.

Your Assignment:

What does reverent intimacy mean to you?  Share your experience of coming to this place.

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If you would like to send Martha a personal message in regards to this blog, you may email her at: Martha@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com.