May 6, 2024

Winning Him Without Words: Believe your Marriage is Blessed – The Way to Mismatchdom

October 29, 2012 by

Did you know he wasn’t a Christian when you married him?

How many of you have been asked this question from others in your lifetime?   Raise your hand….

For me it was and is always a hard question to answer and I even fear will I be asked today.   It is so hard having to answer this question over and over and you know sometimes when you get asked you know the person asking is genuinely concerned about your marriage and then sometimes you wonder do they ask just to “talk about you” and I think that is the hardest for me.

How many of us made up answers to this question because we just didn’t want to face the facts again?   We thought of many creative ways to tell others “NO I didn’t know that about him”.

 I did know this before I said “I do” and yet I still said “I do”.

As I stated before to all of you I was not taught about marrying a non-believer so to me I thought, no worries, you can change him after you get married, don’t worry now, all is well.

Guess what…..I could not then and even now after all these years “I” still can’t change him.    All I can do is pray that he will allow God to do the changing.

Pg. 84 “God is calling us no matter how we arrived to be the presence of Christ in our husband’s lives”.  You don’t have to hold back any good thing from your husband just because he doesn’t believe in God, instead your loving treatment of him may cause him to have a change of heart!  This is not to say that a wife has the power to save her husband’s soul; only the Holy Spirit can accomplish that, but you can certainly influence your husband (without words no less!) and show him the love of Christ.

We don’t have to brow beat God or have a Gospel ambush onto our man, instead just know that we are to be obedient to Christ and live Him in front of our man. Your man will recognize love when he sees it and if you are being obedient then you are showing him “God’s love”. We must remember we are the conduit to bring God into our marriage.

A good statement I heard in a sermon once is “no one was ever nagged into the kingdom of God”. If our spouse is on the receiving end of criticism and manipulation —they’re going to run. The harder we try, the faster they run.

Don’t give up, God is fully aware of our situation, when we recognize God’s presence we can relax and stop trying to do God’s job and that is when we will begin to enjoy our marriage again, tensions will ease and we won’t have to constantly be talking to our man about our faith, because we are living it in front of them  (remember, actions speak louder than words) they will see!   We aren’t better than our spouse just because we are the believer, he will see right through all that and we must know that this superior attitude is not showing or providing a warm welcome to who Jesus is.

You can speak the Gospel loud and clear by never mentioning the name of Jesus. We’re not authorized to judge others (Matthew 7:1). Sometimes in marriage we’re prone to judge because of what we know —or think we know —about our spouses. We do know that God cares about our mates. The struggle may take time, and may even challenge our faith. We can trust God to nurture our spouses and our marriages.  Scripture says that he may be won, not he will be won. It does not say that because we have a quiet, gentle, and meek spirit that our husband will be saved in two weeks. We need to try not to analyze why our spouse won’t “take hold of the cross.” I have dwelled on this thought many times and realize I am taking up time enjoying him and our life by wondering “when” will he make a decision.

Isaiah 40:31 tells us that those who hope and wait on the Lord will renew their strength. That’s God’s promise of what time spent with Him will produce. This should be our pursuit right now… ask yourself how can I live more victoriously in Christ and be a living and visual testimony to my husband of who Christ is?    When we can answer this question we will “see” and “believe” that our marriage is blessed and as Dineen states on page 84 “we will have no reason to feel shame or condemnation for our choice of a husband.

Let’s pray:

God help each of us to be a walking, talking testimony to our husbands, help us to help them to see Jesus in every moment of our marriage.  In your name I pray, Amen!

Your assignment:

How can you be “the presence of Jesus in your husband’s life this week?   Tell us about it…

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For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

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Winning Him Without Words: Our Deepest Need

October 22, 2012 by

Ladies, this blog today was extremely difficult for me to share with you and the world as I have never been one to be so transparent about my life, so I pray that God would use this to reach someone out there that must need to hear it, to be encouraged from it.

When you were a teenager did you make this statement to one of your girlfriends, “I found the man of my dreams, my soulmate”  I did that when I met my man.  I wanted so much to graduate high school and get married and have someone else meet my needs that I didn’t feel were being met at home.     When I met my guy at high school,  I thought right then OK there is no one else for me, he is “the one” for me.  I never dated anyone but him.  At that time I was not a Christian so I didn’t know anything about seeking “the man” God wanted for my life, I was strictly going with “my feelings, my wants, and my desires.”   A strong desire to “get married” and get out of my home.    My parents were having marital problems and I just wanted to get out of all that was going on, so I kept putting myself into this dating relationship more and more so I kept my mind off of what was going on in my home.

We dated for four years and the day he asked me to marry him was “wonderful”.  I thought YAY, now my needs will finally be met.  I will get something that I want.  I did not truly know at that time what my “deepest need” really was nor did I know that he was not the one who would meet it.

I thought I was Cinderella and all my dreams I had ever had were gonna finally come to fruition…..but ladies this was only the beginning of what would be coming to pass in my life.

Wedding plans were being made…

A new job was provided for us both…

A home was found for us to move into…

We both were attending church at the time…

my dream life, my needs were coming together…..or so I thought

I thought this man was going to be my knight in shining armor, the one that would give me “everything” I had always wanted and needed. I talked myself into believing that, into believing in him to solely take charge of that area, “to provide me with “every need” (and wants by the way)…..he had a good job making money like I had never experienced in our home before.  Ladies I had NEEDS and I just knew he was the one to “provide”.

I had need for:

  • Acceptance – knowing that I was loved and needed by him
  • Identity – knowing that I was significant to someone
  • Security – knowing that there was someone to protect and provide for me
  • Purpose – knowing that I have a reason for living

I was spending my life trying to get my needs met by many sources and at this time in my life I was totally focused on my boyfriend to do that for me, by marrying me.

In the year before we were married I began going to church more and learning more about God and I was beginning to understand that there was someone else who could meet “my true need”.

THE NEED OF SALVATION

 

I finally realized that no human being could meet “my deepest need”, that only God could.   I was placing a lot of expectations on my boyfriend soon to be husband to take on that role and he could not do it.

Only God could meet my needs I had (acceptance, identity, security and purpose).   In John 6:35 Jesus says to me “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.”

Ladies, Jesus had the ability to give me the spiritual food and drink that I needed to “satisfy” my longings, my needs.  He invited me to come to him for my need to be met.

On April 17, 1979 I accepted His invitation to do just that and oh how my life changed.    I “finally” had someone who could and wanted to meet “my every need”, not just the wants I was experiencing before this day.    I still did not understand that I needed to seek God for the man I was to spend my life with, I mean I had been dating for 4 years and my wedding was planned and the wedding day was approaching, was I really suppose to put all that on hold until I had time to “seek Him” for answers, well since I didn’t truly know all that, I kept going with all the plans as they were and we were married on June 23, 1979.

We continued to attend church together and God was meeting my needs.   I was growing but “we” were not growing in Him.  I was still expecting my husband to meet needs that I wanted met.  I was placing expectations on my husband that he could not uphold—you see my “deepest need” would then and always only be met by God, so I need to keep these areas separate and allow God to meet the needs He will meet and my husband to meet the needs he can meet as they are not the same ladies.

I needed to release my husband from the job that was God’s. God can heal us, love us in the way we need.

Man’s love is natural.

God’s love is supernatural.

Our husbands can’t possibly take on a role that was not his to begin with and if we try to “make” him do it he will begin to feel like a failure and resentment will begin to creep in and threaten our relationship.

 Pg. 70-71; When our expectations are rightly placed in the One who created those needs in the first place we will discover freedoms in our marriage that allows us to be the woman God created each of us to be and the wife He needs us to be so that He can work through us to reach our husband. The burden is taken off our man, as is the label of failure. We can then respect our husband as he is and love him unconditionally.

I am happy to say I have been married 33 years, but sad to say I have just recently realized in the past year that I can’t force my husband to join me at church and in “my relationship” with God because he has to find those things on his own, but what I can do is pray for him and pray for us and:

“look only to God to meet our needs”

My man is my man and I want him as much today as I did back in high school and I have hope, joy, peace, trust and respect in Him and I need him every day, but to need him,    I NEED GOD FIRST because it is God who will indeed meet the deepest places in “our marriage”.

 

Let’s Pray:  God I thank you for meeting my every “need” since that day I met you and I pray for each lady who reads part of my short testimony today that if they have that same “need” to meet you as their provider that they too will say yes and release their “guy” from trying to be the one to meet it, but allow You to be their true provider in their life, in your name I pray Amen!

Your assignment:  Who is meeting your deepest need? On a daily basis, on whom do you rely the most and to whom do you go to first to get your deepest need met?   Tell us about it….

 

 

For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!

Please email Christi@girlfriendscoffeehour.com if you have any questions, or if you have a private comment that you would like to forward to one of our bloggers in regards to their post that day.

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Winning Him Without Words: Love is For a Lifetime

October 15, 2012 by

As I studied this lesson for today I sat for two days thinking what in the world can I share about “love being for a lifetime” that was not already shared by these wonderful authors and then as I was sitting having dinner and Bible Study with my sister God showed me what to share from one word in a sentence on Pg. 56, “God is freely giving us the secret to a long and joyful marriage”, and here is what God showed me:

the secret is in the “C”‘s

 

Commitment   (Matthew 19:4-6)

Without commitment to each other and to God a harmonious marriage cannot last long. Give yourselves fully to each other. Marriage commitment is a “vow for life”. Commitment is hard work. Commitment sometimes means that you are willing to be unhappy for a while until both of you can work things out. Good marriages aren’t freebies…they must be made through effort. Are you really committed to your mate or are you just hoping it will last?

Compromise

When two people live together there must be compromise. Give and take….remembering that you don’t have to be right. The husband is commanded to love and honor the wife thus fulfilling the solemn vow you have just made.  Probably one of the most unloving things we do to one another is try and change each other. Compromise is the evidence of real love.

Communication

Communication is only possible if one is listening while the other one is speaking. Sometimes the spouse doesn’t even need to be speaking! Even more importantly than understanding words, it is imperative that you understand how your partner feels. Stop what you are doing and give devoted attention to each other. Set aside blocks of time for communication and undivided attention.

Courtesy

Courtesy is kindness, good manners, being a gentleman or a lady. It almost seems an old fashioned concept in this day and age, but it is important for a good marriage relationship. J B Phillips translated 1 Corinthians 13: 5, “Love has good manners.”

Comedy

Proverbs 15:13 says, “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.”

Let there be laughter. Joy is the mark of a Christian life. Laughter is good for the soul. Go ahead, be a clown; get that frown off your face. Tell a joke; do something silly!

Charity

It’s an old fashioned word which we often translate “love”. I’m talking about pure and simple LOVE. Love bears all things, the Bible says. Without love there is no intimate relationship. Love is a gift from God. Godly love is unconditional. It does not depend upon the other party or their behavior. It is genuine. Love is not just a physical attraction, but a spiritual commitment.

Courtship

Physical affection and intimacy is biblical and a must if a marriage is going to thrive. (Proverbs 5:18-19 – “…And rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And al- ways be enraptured with her love.”

One problem among many couples today is that we’ve forgotten how to court. The real issue is that what we did to capture our mate’s love we no longer do to keep their love. Think about it for a minute. We used to get all dressed up, perfumed up, pumped up for our dates together. We got married and things changed. We now see each other at absolutely the worst times of the day: in the morning with our bed head and doggy breath and in the evenings with bad days and droopy drawers. We have got to be intentional about continual courtship.

Don’t delete dating from your marriage. In other words, “Date your mate.” The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 9:9 that we are to “live joyfully with the wife whom you love…” If you’ve stopped dating, you’ve started drifting apart. Find fun things to do together. Find something you both like to do and then go do it.

The last and best “C” is CHRIST

Jesus Christ is the main ingredient that so many marriages leave out. Jesus is interested in our marriage. After all, Jesus’ first miracle was performed at a wedding where He was the invited guest. How many marriages have left Him off the invitation list? He is the only one who can give you the ability to love when you feel that you’ve run out of love.

There’s not a greater gift that you could give your life mate than to become a godly person, become like Jesus and treat your mate the way He would treat them. (Philippians 2:5 –“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.”)

Christ must be center of both of your lives and as you grow towards Him, He will grow you even closer to one another.

 A surefire way of maintaining these  “C’s”  is to pray together as husband and wife on a daily basis. Don’t let busy schedules, the TV, work, or the internet crowd this out. Make it your highest priority to “stay connected” and you will have a prosperous marriage journey that will “last a lifetime”

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Let’s Pray:

Lord I pray for each of us as we learn the “secret” you have for our marriage and which ones we need to work on to make our marriage stronger in You Lord and to be assured it will last a lifetime. In Your name I pray.  Amen!

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Your assignment:

Which one of the C’s have been easy for you since you have been married and which one do you intend on being “intentional” about changing for your future and how can you connect with your husband while making these changes?

If you would like to join this Online Bible Study and our Facebook Discussion Group, please click on the “Sign-Up Here” button at the top of our page, and follow the instructions.  We will add you as soon as we receive your request.

Love you all,

Beverly

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Winning Him Without Words: “Don’t save your husband – save yourself”

October 8, 2012 by

This is something I have run through my mind about so many times, thousands of times.  I have gotten up on Sunday mornings and wondered Lord will today be the day that my man will surrender everything to You? I look at him as he is lying in the bed and think well it could be Beverly!   I picture him getting up and saying honey I think I will go to church with you today (oh and by the way he did go with me yesterday)….I picture him going into the church service…I picture him headed to the pastor telling him “I want to surrender”…..oh what a day that will be!!!

But at this time after years of praying, waiting, and hoping, that is still what I am doing, praying, waiting and hoping.

My husband and I met 37 years and married 33 years ago. At first he attended church with me and then slowly stopped going  (which now makes me wonder did he go just for show back then)…until one day he stopped going all together except for special things.

God kept drawing me closer into a relationship with Him and yet my relationship with my husband was not growing the way “I” wanted because I now had something I wanted both of us to have but he was not at that point yet.  Oh, other aspects of our marriage were great but this was something that was a standing wall between us.

Yes I could have written the handbook on how NOT to win your spouse to Christ.

I was not a total “Jesus freak.” I would come home and make him sit and listen (I just thought he was listening) to things I was learning in God’s Word. I even packed gospel tracts in his lunch. Most of the time all of which he avoided.

There were times we would be at odds with each other. I would sometimes find that I would blame some of our marital problems on his unsaved status. After all, I thought if we were both Christians, life would be “happy-ever-after.” Or so I imagined. I would begin trying harder to ensure he was hearing God’s messages by playing my Christian music and scattering opened Bibles around the house. Every once and awhile he would go with me to church, but instead of enjoying him sitting next to me in church, I’d sit there chewing nervously on the end of my pen, praying madly that this would be “The Day”, and when it wasn’t, I would quiz him in the car on the way home, “What did you think of the sermon? Did you like the music?”

“It was okay,” he’d say. And his thoughts would turn to “What we gonna eat for lunch?”

The rest of the ride home, I’d sit and fight back tears or angry words. Why couldn’t he see his need for Christ I would ask myself.

One day I met this lady who had told me Beverly pray for him no matter how many years you have to and “DON’T GIVE UP”, so I made that commitment to pray either until I die or he surrenders. And I’m going to love him through every day. Period.

That was 33 years ago ladies—and I’m still praying and still loving. But I’m no longer pining away in self-absorbed isolation waiting desperately for my husband’s salvation to bring marital fulfillment. Instead, I’ve decided no matter how many years, I want those years to be as enjoyable as possible for the both of us, despite our spiritual differences.

God has a plan for each life. And no matter how hard I try, I cannot transform someone else’s heart. I can’t coerce, sweet-talk, or plead my husband into being a Christian. In fact, when I do try, it only drives him away.

I decided long ago to accept that it’s God’s job to change hearts. That decision frees me to pursue my relationship with God without the added burden of having to bring my husband to faith. All I have to do is love and enjoy him. That’s God’s plan for me, and he gives me all the grace I need to accomplish it.

That doesn’t mean I’m not lonely at times or that I do everything right.

Pray, pray, pray. Prayer is my link to God’s presence, power, wisdom, and comfort.

I will “Never” give up hope. God offers everyone the same gift of salvation and eternal life. Some choose to accept it, and others don’t. But all who accept the gift do so in God’s timing, not ours. God knows what he’s doing.

I don’t understand why God does what he does, but I will trust God while I wait.

The truth is, I might not ever see my husband walk a church aisle, and surrender his life but that’s okay. I have hope that I’ll see him walk through heavens gate. In the meantime, I will live my life as an godly example and leave it all with God and let Him do His work.

Let’s Pray

God help us to realize we have no control in changing our husbands, change comes from You so help us all to leave our sweet husbands in Your hands. In your name I pray Amen!

Your assignment:

Share with us one thing that you have done to try and get your husband to accept Christ as his Savior.

For those who are reading this blog and would like to join the Bible study, we would love to invite you to join us!  Click here and follow the instructions, (you can also click the SIGN-UP link in the menu bar above to be taken to the form). It’s that simple!  We hope to see you soon!

Blessings to all of you this week

Love, Beverly

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Winning Him Without Words: “Know that You’re Not Alone”

October 1, 2012 by

 

When I realized I was the first blogger for this new study I have to admit I was very nervous, because this first chapter is one that hits hard on my heart.

I am one of those ladies who walks into my church every week without my hubby by my side.  Many years ago I was just like how this chapter described her entrance into church.

I looked for the closest seat to the back, so I could get in quick and out faster. I tried to make sure I was just a few minutes from service beginning before I walked in then I wouldn’t have very many people looking at me or wondering if others were following behind me.   It would allow me to slip in quick, slide in the pew and look down quickly at my bulletin, like I had been sitting there all the time.

When my husband and I were first married he attended church with me, but about 1-1/2 yrs.  later he slowly stopped going with me at all, and that is when the loneliness began to set in.

Back then I would ask him every Sunday if he would go with me and he kept saying “No”…I would sit in church week after week watching all the couples come in, slide into a pew, and then that is when it hit me…..that husband’s arm would come around his sweet wife’s shoulder and I would be so jealous that I wanted to move to another pew, but that didn’t help because there was just another couple doing the same on another pew.

They just had the “look” that I so wanted.  All these couples made me want to quit going to church all together….until one day God showed me:

“why are you looking at others, when you should be focused on me”…..WOW did He ever get my attention!

Here I was treating this like a ball game or a movie, when I should’ve been focusing my attention on what God was trying to teach me from His Word for my life, not the fact that I was sitting alone in church without my mate.

Pg. 26 of our study described my feelings exactly:

  • I yearned for my husband to be there to sit with me
  • I dreamed of feeling his arm come around my shoulder
  • I desired to have him look up a Bible verse together, then him holding my hand after we found it

God showed me years later that my responsibility in my marriage is my relationship with Christ, and that I don’t need to worry about my husband’s, that God will take care of that.

So ladies, that is what I did:

  • I kept going to church and serving God in areas that He led me to
  • I kept asking my hubby to come with me
  • I took our children with me so they could learn about Jesus

I have continued for 33 years serving Christ, yet serving alone (without my mate with me).

Thankfully God is sitting with me in that pew and friends are close by and support me, embrace me, and pray for me.

And ladies I will continue to:

  • Keep going to church and serve God where HE wants me
  • Keep asking my hubby to go with me
  • I will keep praying and asking God to open his heart
  • I will continue to look for that arm around my shoulder

 

Let’s pray:

God I pray that any of us who go alone to church without our spouse will stay encouraged, will focus on You and let You do the leading in our marriage.  In your name I pray, Amen!

Your assignment:

1. For those who attend church alone please share with us what God showed you that has helped you get through the feeling of loneliness at church without your mate.

2. For those of you that have had your mate with you the whole time in your marriage please give others encouraging words to help us get thru each week sitting in that pew alone.

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For those who may be reading this blog and are interested in joining this Bible study we would love to invite you to join us! The Sign-Up button is located at the top of our website page, in the Menu Bar section. Click on that button and follow the directions. It’s that simple! We hope to see you soon!”

Blessings,

Bev

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Unexpected Legacy / Set in Stones

September 25, 2012 by

The chapter on unexpected legacy was tough for me because it is close to my heart, as this example shared is exactly what my daughter is facing in her life.   Just a few weeks ago she was deemed by her doctor as being “infertile”.   Here is a link to my daughter’s story if you would like to read it…

http://bethpensinger.com/the-hopefuls/not-a-baby-story-matt-kelly-edition/

Kelly has so much strength in God and I know that my God can do what He desires no matter what the doctors “deem”.   She has grown so much in the past 5 years that the legacy she and her husband leave for their children will be amazing.   Reading this chapter truly helped me to deal with my hurt concerning Kelly’s health issues but it also helped me to ‘”see” the legacy I left in her path that she picked up and followed and I am so thankful that I get to see and experience her picking up the stones.

As I began to move over into the chapter “Set in Stones” I noticed on Pg. 258 of our study this little but big sentence that said:

“This heritage must be carried on”.

And then I got to thinking, have I been dropping those stones, setting them in place for my children to see and learn from?  And as I was skimming through my Bible, God powerfully showed me YES you are my child, just look in this Word you have in your hands and see what one day your children will get to read   (prayers you have lifted up, notes you have written, words of wisdom God has taught you as he chastened you in your life, instructions of obedience He wanted you to follow over the years) and on an on.

So I took this picture to show you “YES” I indeed am not only leaving this legacy example in my Bible but many more as I sit and look around my bedroom just in the areas my eyes can see,  I see photos galore, journals on my dresser, so many books to help me learn God’s Word, trinkets given to me from my children, a hope chest full of memories from our life).

And then these three things came to my mind about how we should leave a legacy (set some stones out) and they are:

LET’S  TELL IT –  don’t expect schools and churches to raise our children, that is our job! Let’s teach them what the Bible says…be honest, trustworthy, have integrity, depend on God, be Christlike.

Deut 6:5-says: “Love the Lord your God with all you heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your homes and on your gates.”

In other words, always be telling it. Tell what the Lord has done for you. You may not have God’s Word memorized fully but you know what God has done for YOU in your life.

And don’t just tell our “children”. We must tell our husbands, friends, neighbors, co-workers, other family members….everyone we come into contact with, let’s….TELL IT!

LET’S LIVE IT– Let’s show our legacy of faith by how we act, how we respond, how we handle situations. Let’s show where we go when we need help….and that is to God in His Word and on our knees!  Let’s be Christ’s example…a living Bible for others to read. We are also God’s hands and feet on earth….so let’s LIVE IT!

LET’S DOCUMENT IT – Record our spiritual journey. Our beliefs make up who we are. Let’s desire our children and grandchildren to know the prayers we’ve prayed, the blessings we’ve received, the lessons we’ve learned, how God has worked in our life and how He can work in their lives too.

Don’t we want our children, grandchildren to know what we believed, what we did, how we reacted to life? What our thoughts were, our victories and our battles? What our hobbies were? Did we have a relationship with God? Did we depend on God and live for Him?

In order for them to know of the legacy we have left for them we must gather stones and set the stones in places they will “see them” and “pick them up”.

“The lessons we teach today will be the legacy’s we are leaving for tomorrow”.

 

Let’s Pray:   God, You have called on us, Your children, to be reliable in giving a solid witness of our faith in You.  We are to live godly lives so that we faithfully model that which we also teach to our children and all whom we are privileged to influence.   Fix our eyes on Jesus so that we fulfill the calling to be faithful and influence others for the kingdom of God. In Jesus’ name we pray.  Amen.

 

Reminder!!!    Our next Women’s Online Bible Study starts next week on October 1, 2012!!  We will begin an awesome study by Lynn Donovan and Dineen Miller, “Winning Him Without Words…10 Keys to Thriving in a Spiritually Mismatched Marriage“.  We are excited about this study!!  This study will end on December 13th.  I hope you will join us!!

To sign up for this study, please email us at:     WOMENS@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

We will send you all the details to get registered.  To being you will need  a copy of the book (you can purchase a hard copy of the book or download to an e-reader device), a pen/pencil, your Bible, and a journal (if you like).  Each day, Monday through Friday, we will blog about this study RIGHT HERE on our website!  Then you will go to our Facebook Discussion Group, where we have set up a PRIVATE Facebook Group, so you can share your thoughts privately with just the women in that group.  The Facebook Groups are an awesome way to let your hair down, be yourself, be real, and not have to worry about the whole world reading your thoughts!  Plus, it’s a GREAT way to meet other Christian like-minded women and build friendships all over the world!  Sure hope to see you join in with us!

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Resolution for Women: the Discipline Dealer

September 13, 2012 by

Priscilla states that “we” are to be the one who establishes goals in our children “right from the start”, to put a specific plan of action in place, so they are aware of and know their boundaries and ground rules.  OK, so how many of us made this plan when our first child was born?  How many of us had this plan in our household when we were growing up?

As I studied in God’s Word this week in preparation for this lesson and asked Him to guide me with what to share with you here are some of the things He gave me.

Parents should refuse to leave their children at the mercy of their own foolishness. Instead we should take every effort to prepare and teach our children the skills of self-control, respect for authority, consideration for others, and submission to God.

This training involves teaching, leading, correcting.

In one word  “discipline”.

Here are some things that discipline should be:

  •  Discipline should be consistent. Personal feelings should not sway our efforts to be consistent. A parents “no you cannot” has meaning only if that parent is consistent, never permitting the child to ignore it.   (I have some friends that have been “the discipline dealer” parents since their daughter was born and now at 1 yr old when they were at the hospital when my daughter was having surgery this past June, I experienced the statement that Priscilla made on Pg. 224 how one year olds are able to respond to expectations and discipline-Kinsley did just that and I was truly honored to see at such a young age that she “knew” what was right and wrong for her).  If we aren’t consistent in our teaching how will they know when we are serious in our instructions today vs. tomorrow – we can’t be wishy washy, one day do it this way tomorrow something else.
  • Discipline should be positive. Discipline is not all negative.  The steady patience of a positive parent can shape strong character in a child.
  • Discipline should be effective.  Discipline demands example. God gave a perfect example and a high compliment to Abraham when he said of him, “I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord”, Genesis 18:19. This good father led by character and example.     Joshua admonished Israel, “Choose you this day whom you will serve,” then he added the strong words, “but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord,” Joshua 24:15. He was a successful disciplinarian because he was successful in self-discipline. When we plant biblical principles in the hearts of our children we know they will be further away from disobedience and rebellion.

If we will instill an awareness of God’s presence in the first several years of our child’s life they will develop a sense of right and wrong, and they will be less vulnerable to the undesirable influences in the world. In order for our child to be a responsible person, we must train them to be responsible with chores, homework and personal duties. Learning to be a responsible, productive member of the family and the home is important as it helps prepare our child for the responsibilities of their adult life.

  • Discipline should be individualized. Wise parents should not compare one child to another. Children are individuals, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. Each child finds security in being loved and accepted. Even when the child is punished, he must sense that it is because he is loved. (Hebrews 12:5-6 says; And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
 and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.)
  • Discipline should be rewarding. Seeing our children grow into Christ-like living productive adults is a reward of carefully patterned discipline. The Bible says that children are a heritage of the Lord, like arrows in the hand of a warrior, are the sons of one’s youth; Happy is the man who has a quiver full of them, he has not been put to shame, Psalms 127:3-5. Solomon said, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6.

Discipline consists not only of words and acts of correction, but also it involves instruction and exhortation to good deeds and thought.  Parents who give to their children the security and joy of a home where love surrounds them, and whose words of teaching and guidance are demonstrated daily and fully in righteous, patient, unselfish service both in and out of the home, are those who truly discipline their children!

Being a discipline dealer takes much time and effort and being one yields children who are responsible, respectful, compassionate, considerate, humble, selfless, generous, gracious – out and out children who are a joy to be around when they are young and when they are grown and gone from our nest.   **and remember ladies even when our children do leave the nest they still need our guidance and we still must live the examples in front of them when they are adults so they can see it was not just something we did while they were young but something they will carry on to every generation to come**

Something Priscilla stated in this lesson for us is “don’t feel burdened to be perfect” in order to sign this resolution.

We all have room to grow and learn; and praise God we are learning together and teaching each other.

We haven’t done things perfectly but lets resolve to do them purposefully!

Let’s Pray:

God I pray that each one of us will fully demonstrate to our children how to love YOU and that we will train them to respect authority and live responsibly.  In your name I pray Amen!

Your Assignment:

If you have yet to make a specific plan of action in training your children in the way of the Lord make an appointment on your calendar and do so, and then put that action into place.   If you already have a specific plan in training your child/ren please share with all of us so we can learn from the wisdom God has shown you.

Reminder… on October 1st, we will begin our brand new Online Bible Study, entitled “Winning Him Without Words” by Lynn Donovan and Dineen Miller.  If you are in an unequally spiritual marriage, you won’t want to miss this study!!

To sign up for this study, please send an email to:  Womens@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com and we will send you all the details you need to get started!

Don’t forget to stop by Craig’s blog to see what the guys are up to with The Resolution for Men.

www.adversusmundi.wordpress.com

Now jump on over to our Facebook Group for the daily activity!! If you do not yet belong to this group, and would like to, send us an email at GirlfriendsCoffeeHour@gmail.com with FB GROUP in the subject line, and we’ll be glad to add you!

Love ya’ll, Beverly

Filed Under: Women's Ministry Tagged With: , ,

Resolution for Women: Need a Little Peace and Quiet

September 6, 2012 by

What does honoring and loving our husbands look like?

We were given some wonderful scriptures to read to help us “get the picture” of what it looks like  in 1 Peter 3:1-5.

The main part of these verses this lesson focused on for us is verse 4.  “Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

I think of it as “my recipe” for my marriage.

To be “gentle” means to be (humble, considerate or meek). Priscilla says simply put “we are being asked to be kind to our husbands”.

So how about it? Can we resolve to be kind?  What are some ways we can proactively show kindness to our husband?    Here are just a few that have been part of my list for a while that I thought I would share with you today

  • Leave him alone while he is doing his business in the bathroom
  • Don’t cut him down, especially in front of others
  • Encourage his hobbies
  • Do things with him that he likes, even when you don’t
  • Don’t get upset when he wants to take a trip with just the guys
  • Don’t move his belongings around without discussing with him first
  • Leave electronic devices at home or in your purse when you go out for dinner
  • Make a date night with him at least once a week, even if its just popcorn and movie after the kids are in bed
  • Honor him in front of the children and others
  • Treat him as if God stamped on His forehead “handle with care”

Do we truly go “out of our way” to find out what our husband likes.   Don’t wait for him to tell us, look for it, he will love that we took the time to truly find out without him having to tell us.

To be “quiet” does not mean you are supposed to be silent, instead we are to be a living, breathing expression of the Word of God.  Quietness has more to do with the state of our hearts than the quality and volume of our words.

Our lesson taught us we are to try and lighten the load for our husbands.  This means for us to figure out how we can make or help our husbands day “just a little bit easier”, as this will help him to feel more confident because he knows we’re not here to tear him down but to build him up.

When we say “I do”  that means we are becoming a team “together” and that means we are to be his “helpmeet”. When we show our man that we want to “serve” him then he is much more likely to reciprocate the same back to us and our family.

Many times its “our words” in much of our day that speaks in our relationships….when sometimes we just need the power that is reflected in the two words “gentleness and quietness” to take the lead.

Earlier in the week as I began this weeks study of fulfilling my husband I had decided to ask my husband a question…I wanted to find out what he thought about how I fulfill him?  Am I doing a good job at it?  Are there some ways I can do better or fulfill him more than I do today after 33 years of marriage?

And ladies this is what he told me…are you ready for this…

He said “everything you do for me or with me is just perfect the way I like it so I don’t think there is anything you need to do better or different”

That made me know at least I know I am on the right track with fulfilling my man…..but I know all the outward stuff he sees or hears is probably supplying/fulfilling him but what about my inward thoughts….do I do the same on the inside or am I yelling at him when he doesn’t do what I think is the right thing, if I am, then I am not fully fulfilling him and I need to work on my thoughts too.

Let’s resolve to honor and love our man like God has taught us to in His Word!

Let’s Pray:

Father, teach us what each of us need to do or change in our lives/marriages to ensure we are fulfilling our husband and help us to accomplish it Lord, for when we honor him we are honoring You.

In Your name  I pray Amen!

Your Assignment:

Think of one thing you can do to be proactively kind to your man and DO IT!!!

____________

After you have commented below, go back to our Online Bible Study Group on Facebook to see what our Daily Activity is. If you do not yet belong to our OBS Facebook group, and would like to, please send an email to: GirlfriendsCoffeeHour@gmail.com  

We’ll send you the details needed to get you into this group!

Don’t forget to stop by Craig’s blog to see what the guys are up to with The Resolution for Men.

www.adversusmundi.wordpress.com

Filed Under: Women's Ministry Tagged With: , ,

Resolution for Women: Mercy Me

August 30, 2012 by

How many times a day or week have you found yourself asking these questions:

  • Lord what is it that You want me doing?
  • What do you require of me today?
  • What jobs in the church do You want me to serve in?
  • What ministries can I be of help in?
  • What church do I need to attend and be a part of?

And wait there is that BIG question that we always get around to asking……Lord what is Your WILL for my life?

As we learned in today’s lesson God’s answer to His will for us is found in Micah 6:8 .

“He has showed you, O man, what is good.

And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” 

In this book of the old testament God used Micah to prophesy to the people who had fallen from Him.  Amongst the people, there was corruption, idolatry, violence and the belief that personal sacrifice satisfies divine justice.   Even with all that was going on with these people and the impending judgment for their wickedness, God was still reaching out for the “hearts” of His people.

This is the place He has always reached out to capture.   When someone or something can penetrate our hearts “it sticks” whether it is something good or bad it is in there solid, and in order for God to capture our heart we must allow Him to penetrate it and then we will know His will for us.

In this verse and in your life God has BIG PLANS for you…he said so, so why do we continually ask Him what His will is for us.   He has told us already….(act, love, walk)…these are clear visions from His Word of what He wants us doing right now today not in the future, He will take care of the future stuff when He is ready but for now lets do these things that His Word has described for us:

  • Act justly – God is telling us to do what’s right, so in order to do this we must ask a few questions to ourselves  (Do I owe anything to anyone?   Do I tell the truth?   Have I treated others as they should be treated?   Do I have unconfessed sin in my life?   Am I living a moral life?

So after reading these few questions can we truly say we are acting justly or do we need to mend some things in our life before we can say “yes I do”.   Priscilla stated a woman’s primary interest is seeing justice done, seeking solutions that are fair, reasonable, objective and most importantly – are expressive of the love of Christ.

Maybe we should sit down and make a list of things we need to make right—then make them right—God can’t bless us further until we obey His convictions and change our life to live justly.

  • Love mercy –   this means that we must have a hearty interest in doing things that bless and impact others lives.   We MUST seek other people’s needs above our own.  People have many needs as we all know but the first need we want to meet is their spiritual need “to know Christ as Savior” then we can help meet physical needs or material needs as God shows us.

Do we give of ourself to others only when it is convenient to us?  Do we live our day in such a way that we say I have to take care of me and my family before I can help someone else?    Do we keep mental records of what people deserve from us?  If this is our way of thinking then we haven’t learned what to “love mercy” really means.

Proverbs 31:20 shows us the perfect example of what we should be doing  to “love mercy” to others, it says “ she stretcheth our her hand to the poor; yea; she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.”

Being merciful and loving to others should be our way of life, no matter where we are or what we are doing in our life, that is His will for us.

  • Walk humbly – to live in complete dependence upon our Holy Lord, He deserves the glory and honor.

We must admit that walking humbly doesn’t fit too well in our society today.  As we are all aware everything that goes on in our lives is “public” knowledge now.   We post a status on Facebook or Twitter to tell everyone what we are doing,   we post the latest pictures of our children/grandchildren/vacations,  our lives  are open for the whole world to see and know about us.   It’s  not  the old days where what happens at home stays at home, nope the world sees all and knows all because we are the ones telling them all.

We seem to care more about what others think, did they hit the “like” button on our FB status, than what God thinks about what we did in our day today and if what we did was something that brought glory to Him and not ourself.

How can we walk humbly with God, if we aren’t walking with God to begin with in our life? We can’t begin to serve others if our lives aren’t where they need to be yet.

We can’t learn these three aspects of what God’s will is for our life until we practice them each day.   (act, love, walk).  As we come to this last day of study for this week and at the point of signing the resolution  we must make ourself aware of what the Holy Spirit is compelling us to do concerning this lesson and how He wishes to use us.    Here are some ideas that came to my mind as I was studying of ways I can act, love and walk…

  • Cook a meal for someone sick
  • Make cards for people at a nursing home
  • Mow someone’s grass
  • Offer to babysit for someone
  • Volunteer at a library to read to children
  • Tutor children
  • Write letters to first time college students who have left home to go off to school
  • Clean up the trash in your city
  • Stand at an intersection and give out bottles of water to people on a hot steamy day

These are just some things that God brought to my heart as I studied today’s lesson that I intend on acting upon.  My opportunity to know God’s will has been in front of my eyes for a long time, I’ve never needed to ask God what His will is for me,  it’s all around me, I just need to act on it and He will continue providing other things that His will is for me as I show my obedience to doing the ones He has already presented to me now.

This weeks chapter is entitled  “My Heart”, finding and knowing God’s will is really pretty simple.  It starts, and ends with our heart.

Let’s do God’s will and do it without any reservations, let’s keep our eyes and hearts open and resolve to be available!

Let’s Pray

Dear God, I thank you for showing and explaining to each of us that Your will is already planned out for each of us and that as we are obedient to act, love and walk you will show us specifically where to go and what to do.   In your name I pray, Amen.

 

Your Assignment:

Ask God to show you things He wants You to do in this next week in order to act, to love and to walk in His will, and more importantly when He speaks, OBEY and do it!

 

Now head on over to our Online Bible Study Group on Facebook to see what our Daily FUN Activity is. If you do not yet belong to our OBS Facebook group, and would like to, please send an email to:

GirlfriendsCoffeeHour@gmail.com

We’ll send you the details needed to get you into this group!

Don’t forget to stop by Craig’s blog to see what the guys are up to with The Resolution for Men.

www.adversusmundi.wordpress.com

Filed Under: Women's Ministry Tagged With: ,

Resolution for Women: From Strength to Strength

August 23, 2012 by

As I studied this lesson the first thing that truly penetrated deep with me was the story Priscilla shared about her stepping onto the log, you know the one that looked so sturdy and strong on the outside when in fact it was totally rotten on the inside.   It got me to thinking about myself and how I must look to God on the inside and outside.    So I found these two pictures to illustrate it for you.

Look at how nice this apple looks  (all juicy looking and ready for you to take a bite, and you pick it up, wash it, and get ready to take that bite.

And when you do….ewwww…is then what you are saying because the inside looks like this….

It looked good enough to whet your appetite when in fact decay and deterioration had taken over its inside, and sooner or later this same thing is what happens to each of us, the pressures of our life will reveal the truth of what is on the inside.

We can put up fronts and “look” strong on the outside but our insides are ready to snap, to fall to pieces.

Something caused this apple not to be able to stand up to keeping it strong and juicy and ready to eat just like something inside us does the same and that something we learned about in this week’s lessons is our integrity.

The story of Daniel in the lions den is truly one of the most pure Christian inspirational stories of all times. His pure love for God put his integrity to the ultimate test!

We find the story in Daniel Chapter 6. We have all heard the story but I would like to stress some points within the story that stand out to me and will help us to understand what this lesson is trying to teach us.

The story took place during the rule of king Darius. King Darius liked Daniel a lot, and had placed him in a very high position within his kingdom.  Of course because of Daniel’s status it caused a great deal of jealousy among the individuals placed below him. So much so that they plotted against him.  Now these weren’t just everyday people they were high ranking officials.

When they got together they decided that they needed to find out something about his life that they could use against him to destroy him.

Does that sound familiar at all to the way people still act today. People are always trying to get the scoop on us and what they can find out in order to tell others….Instead of trying to work hard and handle their own lives, they find it is a lot faster to the top of the food chain to destroy those around them.

Kids are a good example of this! What is the first thing a small child will do to gain favor of their parents over their siblings? They run to mama and daddy and tattle on them for what the other one was doing!  ***I did that to my younger sister several times**** They are just trying to get to the top of the parents totem pole by trampling on the backs of anyone who stands in their way.

That is what the people were doing to Daniel. They examined his life with a fine tooth comb and could not find anything wrong.

Wow! Can you imagine! How wonderful that could be to know someone was looking into our life and not being able to find just “one” something that could destroy us.

The only thing they could figure out was that Daniel would pray three times a day like clock work in his home. Throughout his life he didn’t care who was in charge, what the rules were, he was going to worship the one and only true God!

It started from the first time they brought him captive to Babylon. He would not eat the food they presented and with the help of God was given the proper diet.

At the time, Daniel’s praying was no problem. But the people intended to make it a problem because they knew he wouldn’t give up his dedicated worship to God. That is a true testament in itself of his Integrity! He was known for doing the right thing without compromise. How about us?   Will we do the same?

So the people went to King Darius and asked him to make a decree for thirty days that no one would bow down and make a request from anyone except the King himself. The NLT version states it like this in verse 7: We are all in agreement—we administrators, officials, high officers, advisers, and governors—that the king should make a law that will be strictly enforced. Give orders that for the next thirty days any person who prays to anyone, divine or human—except to you, Your Majesty—will be thrown into the den of lions.

Pretty straight forward huh?  They knew Daniel’s integrity would not allow him to stop doing what he would always do. That was to worship his God.

King Darius did agree to this unknowingly that they had plotted against his friend Daniel. He signed it in such a way that it couldn’t be undone. You see the people in that day believed that a king was like a God and could not make a mistake. So if a king signed a decree, it was irreversible!

So what do you suppose Daniel did?

  • Of course he went right on doing what he always did.
  • He didn’t try to hide it!
  • He didn’t try to delay it for thirty days!
  • He didn’t try to fake it by pretending not to!
  • He just kept on keeping on!
  • That’s Integrity!

He would be facing death if he were to bow down to his God, BUT he just kept on praying to Him. He didn’t change one thing about his normal routine.

What about us, are we committed that strongly to doing the right thing?

When we go into a public restaurant do we still pray before we eat, or are we afraid of the ridicule we might face?

When we have a non Christian over for dinner do we pray before eating or do we only do that with our Christian friends?

When we are behind closed doors do we worship the one and only true God or do we only do that on Sunday at Church?

Do we speak holy/churchy conversations around our church friends and need to wash our mouths out around our work friends?

These are only examples of how we might change what we are doing because we have formed our behaviors around society.

Integrity is doing the right thing no matter what the consequences!

Daniel knew that if he prayed as he always did, he was going to be thrown into the lions den. Was he afraid? I don’t know! But that showed a form of Integrity that can’t be matched anywhere, or anytime.

He decided that he would face death before he caved into the world and it’s rules of going against God!

Now we know how the story ended, but Daniel didn’t have the luxury of knowing!

I know that I would’ve probably caved like a sink hole! Each situation God allows us to experience that tests our ability to make the right choice makes us that much stronger in our relationship with Him and His Son Jesus.

Each experience we face makes doing the right thing a little easier! We can only do this with God’s help. By asking Jesus to be the Authority of our life, it will change us and make integrity a little more real everyday in our life.

Until maybe, just maybe, we will face the lions den as Daniel did and say, God I will follow you over them every time!!! I will NOT compromise integrity for a moment of fun. Remember as Christians we can still have fun but we don’t have to compromise what we know is right!  Let’s take this stand, and be free so we can be an example and an influence to those who are watching our lives so that we can draw them to a closer relationship with Christ.

Let’s pray:

God I pray for each woman who studied this lesson of integrity this week. You showed us many things about our lives that we need to give over to You in order for us to be strong over the evil influences that try to take hold in our lives and I pray You begin and continue to show each of us what those things are so we can place them at Your feet and rid them from our lives and so that we will be ready to sign this resolution to be a “woman of integrity” !  In Jesus’ name I pray, AMEN!

Your assignment:

I would love to hear from each of you how God removed your hidden infested decay that was on your inside before you did this weeks’ study and how He brought it to the surface and revealed the truths to you and because of His teachings this week you are now “strong” and resolved to be a “woman of integrity”.

Now head on back to our Online Bible Study Facebook Group for the Daily Activity (Megan always has something great/fun for us!)  If you don’t belong to our OBS FB Group, and would like to, simply send us an email at: GirlfriendsCoffeeHour@gmail.com and we’ll be happy to send you the details you will need to get started!

…don’t forget to read what the men are up to over on Craig’s blog…

www.adversusmundi.wordpress.com

Filed Under: Women's Ministry Tagged With: , , ,
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