So Wait…Who Am I Then?

 My old self has been crucified with Christ.
It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.
So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God,
Who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Galatians 2:20 NLT

Galatians 2:20 says that our old selves have been crucified with Christ. When I first got saved all I knew was that the darkness that once consumed my mind was gone.  For the first time I had hope and the now believable notion that my life really did have a purpose.

My initial conversation with the God was a slap in the face.  I accused God of not caring anything about me and not doing anything for me. His response was, “Why should I care about what you have going on, when you don’t care about what I have going on?”  This was an eye-opener for me.  (I am not saying that God did not care what I had going on, but I see things better when I’m not focused on myself.)  The truth is God has always cared about me, and what I do, and how I am.  I am the one who cared nothing for Him and what He had going on.  He was pointing out that we had a one-sided relationship—His side.

Somewhere along the line, I began to hate God and was determined that He was against me.  I approached God with the notion that He was my enemy and not my friend.  And, yes, some part of me knew different or else I wouldn’t have bothered at all.  Months later, after laying some Scriptural foundation, He tugged at my heart again.  He wanted my life.  He wanted me to live for Him not just with Him.  He invited me to a deeper relationship to explore Him and learn His ways.

I feel He did this to prepare me to help others like I had been.  One of the first things I had to learn to do was die to myself.  This is something that has to be done daily.  I hesitated.  If I was to let go of who I had always been, then who would I be?  How could I be me and not be me at the same time?  To me this seemed impossible. God was going to change me into someone different, someone I didn’t know. And the last thing I wanted to do was give up my uniqueness.  It took some time, but God showed me that he did not want to eliminate me…He was proud of creating me.  What he wanted was to improve me. When you improve something, the original is there, but its been made better and that was God’s plan. The angry Ahmee would be kinder, gentler Ahmee. All the while my uniqueness is still present just more Christ-like.

I was then who the world made and influenced me to be.  I am now who my Father says I am.  Each day I am growing and changing to be more like the person God intended me to be.  All the while I am and will always be the only Ahmee He ever has made or will make.  Why not be the best version of me?

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