Life’s Healing Choices: Choice 6 – How do you forgive others and (self)? (pp 171-175)

If someone had told me two years ago that, in order for me to become well and be healed, I would have to forgive someone that I felt helped get me there in the first place, I would have laughed, and shaken my head ‘no.’  That is exactly what I did, too. Yeah right, I need to forgive someone who hurt me so badly? They are the ones who had broken my heart in so many ways and did not care at all about it, why should I forgive them?  …Because the Bible says you can’t receive what you are unwilling to give: I need to forgive because God has forgiven me.

So how on earth can we do this—forgiving others? Baker gives us the three R’s to show us how.

1. Reveal Your Hurt
2. Release the Offender
3. Replace Your Hurt with God’s Peace

I learned something very important a few years ago when I attempted to write my first resentment list. Turns out about 90% of the people on that list were loved ones. So how on earth can I love someone so much towards who I feel a great deal of anger, bitterness, hurt, and resentment? Baker states, “Perhaps it’s because we have a misconception that you can’t love somebody and be angry at them the same time. The truth is, you can.”

You can’t get over hurt until you admit the pain. Have you been able to do this? I have for years been able to tell my therapist, husband, and some family about people in my life who have hurt me. I have “on the surface,” talked about being angry, disappointed, and hurt by them. Truth is, I never really let myself be real and admit that deep pain inside completely to myself. I did not want to explore those feelings that I HAVE tried to cover up by instead replacing with negative feelings. I had become consumed with resentment over the unfairness of my life.

When I joined this ministry, the first thing I shared was my testimony. I have given my testimony at church about my hurts, hang ups, and habits. In my testimony, I spoke of relationships that hurt me deeply, scars and addictions that stayed with me and held me with chains. They affected me in the way I acted, the way I interacted with others, and the way I identified with who I am. But it was different in this testimony. I actually admitted to myself the truth—the hurt. It was wrong, and it hurt me.

In the beginning, it was not easy revealing my hurts. I felt so vulnerable for a while. It was not easy being honest and revealing the pain I have felt in some situations for over 30 years. I had tried to suppress my emotions for so long.  Doing so only made those hurts in me worse and I therefore became very angry inside. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” Ephesians 4:31, 32.

After revealing those hurts, it was time to release the offender. How on earth was that going to be possible? I had so much anger toward them that my heart was so hardened. I now understand that I can’t forgive them myself…I needed God’s help. “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.“ Mark 10:27 ESV.  Not only does God want us to forgive, but He wants us to love our enemy who wronged us and hurt us. Whether the person asks for forgiveness or not, you do it for your own sake. I repeat, you release the offender for your own sake. The truth is there will be a time that you and I will need forgiveness in the future.

Let’s look at some things the Lord and His Word say about forgiveness and love. Jesus said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:44, 45a). Yet Jesus tells us to love as he did.  “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another” (John 13:34 ESV).

I would like to share with you how I was able to release my offender: I prayed for them. I had much difficulty doing so, but I prayed asking God to help me to even want to forgive them because honestly I did not want to. I did this for a while, and also added in my prayer that I hoped they would have a good day. I started small, but that was enough. God started chipping away at that anger and bitterness I held in my heart toward them. The more I prayed to be able to want to forgive them, the more I could pray to forgive them. Then honestly one morning I woke up to the most unusual feeling inside (that I now understand is peace). My heart for that person was softened and God replaced the bitterness with love. God gave me peace and allowed me to forgive. He released me from that hurt. It’s just one of the amazing miracles He does for us. When we listen and obey, He helps us to love and heal inside. By blessing those who curse us, doing well to those who hate us, and praying for them He also helps us to forgive and love them. I finally started to have compassion for this particular person because I was able to see that he, too, had been hurt in his life (hurting people hurt each other).

That peace I received on the inside had changed me in so many ways. I felt better, I was so proud of myself after finally admitting to myself the truth of how I felt. And through God, I finally loved instead of hated. That’s what God wants for us all. He wants us to love and forgive;  He will help us to do that no matter what the circumstance may be. We may not ever forget what happened, but we will finally be rid of  that misery of resentment that hurt us so badly and had also hurt God. God is love; it’s not easy for us to fully show Him our love, if we don’t show others that love as well. Let’s show Him the love that He deserves. Let’s ask Him today to help us forgive that offender and replace that hurt with the peace He offers us.

Let’s Pray:
Father God, thank You for forgiveness. Thank You for the forgiveness You give to us and for helping us to forgive others who have hurt us. No one is perfect except You, Father. Each one of us needs forgiveness and we need to forgive each other. Thank You, Lord, for this help today as we do this. You bring peace and love; You heal our broken hearts. You are a God of miracles and we are so grateful and praise You for all You do. We love You!  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Your Assignment:
On a piece of paper, write down the 3 R’s. Start with that one person who has hurt you the most. Be honest and admit what you feel. Afterward, spend time in prayer asking God to help you release that person.

***************

If you would like to send a private email to Leslie in regards to this blog, please email her at: Leslie@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

Like 1 People Liked this