May 3, 2024

Captivating: Nature vs Nurture (Wounded – Mothers, Fathers and Their Daughters)

I think most women ask questions like this:

Why is this the way I am?

         What made me, me?

We wonder what influenced our behavior, our actions, our taste in men, the choices in the friends we choose. We think about things like this. I know I do.

I know that God created me, He formed me in His image, and He knows everything about me.

But what makes me do what I do? Think what I think?

Nature vs Nurture?

The nature versus nurture debate is one of the oldest issues in psychology.

Are our actions and behaviors determined before birth and driven by genetics? Or, are they directed by our experiences, what we went through as children and even in our adulthood?

I believe that both play a part, we are our parent’s children. Some of their personality traits were passed to us at birth, and what we heard, saw and experienced while growing up plays a major role in how we see and live life today.

My daughter will be 10 on January 31. I see so much of me in her is surprises me sometimes. My situation is special, like many other women in the world. I had my daughter at 18; her biological father chose not to play a role in her life. I was blessed with a husband who treats and loves my daughter as if she were his own. What surprises me more than how much of myself I see in her, is how much of my husband I see in her, and how much of  her biological father I see in her. Though one has been with her for almost her entire life and the other has not.

Through my own experiences I have learned that our fathers impact our lives in more ways than we can see, but I guess it didn’t become concrete for me until I saw this in my little girl.

It has been said before that single women have advantages over married women. More time to devote to God, without the responsibilities of motherhood and of being a wife. There is another advantage that I didn’t realize until after I became a wife and a mom, is that I had the time to pray for myself and my future family. Prayers for a Godly husband and father for my children, prayers for myself to be a Godly wife and mother to my children; I pray these prayers daily for my family now, and I see God moving in great strides, but I encourage you to start now.

Pray for the influence you will have on your future children, or pray for the influence you have on the children you already have.

Biggest ImpactOur fathers made a mark on our lives, some of those marks were better than others. But our Heavenly Father has the biggest impact of all. Remember that despite the happenings of our childhood (good or bad), God created us in His image, and with His heart.

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Let’s Pray:

Dear Heavenly Father,

There are times in our adult life where we sit back and wonder how we became who we are today. What influenced us, whether it be good or bad? Our mothers and fathers were chosen to be our parents for a reason. They influenced our lives as children, and we grew to be the beautiful women we are today. Thank You for being the biggest influence in our lives.   Thank You for giving us Your heart. We may have questions about our life, why questions, hurts You can only heal, but we know Your hand is on our life. We know that despite the question of nature vs nurture that God is the ultimate designer of and influence on out life.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen

Your Assignment:

I know that our childhood can be a sensitive subject. Have you ever wondered what influenced your life, or who influenced your life? Have you ever thought about your past and questioned the influence your mother or father had?

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 If you are interested in sending a private message to Tonya, please email her at TonyaEllison@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

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About Tonya Ellison

Tonya Ellison — Blog Contributor
Tonya comes to us from Rio Rancho, New Mexico where she lives with her four favorite people, three kids ages 4, 6, and 9, and her husband of seven years, Jamel. Her hobbies include writing and reading, crocheting, and spending time with her family. She earned her BS in Human Services/Management and works as a Bereavement Counselor.

Comments

  1. I had many questions as a child, why my life was the way it was. But as I grew up, and matured, and became stronger in the Lord, I realized that I had a choice: I could either continue to play the victim to my past, OR I could choose to use my past to help others. Choosing to help others meant I had to find freedom from my past hurts, and totally give them to God, so I could walk in total forgiveness. God can do amazing things IF we allow Him to.

  2. Michelle Graziano says

    Great post Tonya! As I said in the Facebook group, I know that actions my parent took have affected who I am today. I am still working on forgiveness, healing and learning His truth, rather than continuing to believe my perception of truth I gained during my childhood. He is right there beside me, seeing me through.

    • Tonya Ellison says

      Thank you Michelle. Healing and the road to forgiveness can be painful, but knowing that he is right there beside us makes it so much easier. 🙂

  3. I don't think my parents caused any issues, it was more kids at school. It's only been this last year or so that I have healed from it and I am 38!! I am finally seeing myself as who I am in Christ rather than what the world thinks.