Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1
I love that verse. It hangs in our bedroom in a beautiful picture frame because it is a message I wanted to be reminded of every morning after going through a certain season of my life. The hoping and praying comes easy for me, but being certain was a struggle and this verse is the perfect reminder of what our faith in God can really do.
There was a time not too long ago when I questioned if God really had a plan for me. I used to believe he had a big one for me because I had escaped death 3 times in 38 years and am still here. God doesn’t almost take you 3 times for no reason. I always felt He was keeping me here for a purpose. But my life had been so mundane and at times down right miserable, I started to doubt my faith in God having a plan for me. What’s worse is I started to blame my husband for interfering with God’s plan for my life.
As I was learning more about what God wants from everyone, I didn’t look at my own faults and shortcomings. I was looking at my husbands. I could name off all the things HE needed to do to be blessed and saved by God right off the top of my head and figured once he fixed all his problems, blessings and prosperity would come flooding into our household. I never thought I had issues that needed to be addressed. I just thought that being yoked to him was my hindrance. After all, I was the one reading the word every day and pursuing God, so what else would I need to do?
I even started to believe that my husband was my ministry! But for some reason he wasn’t willing to listen to me tell him what he needed to do to have a better life. The nerve, huh?! So I’d get angry at him, because remember, I thought it was all his fault that my life’s purpose wasn’t being realized. Oh brother. How’s that for putting too much expectation on your husband! I had misplaced my faith.
In this chapter Dineen asked “who am I waiting for?” Thankfully this question was put on my heart during this time. My answer was, I was waiting for my husband to fix his problems. To my eye, his problems seemed heavier than mine. I was praying to God to speak to my husband’s heart and motivate him to change. Finally God said to me:
God: What are you doing to fix you?
Me: Wait…What? I don’t have anything to fix, do I?
God: Um, yea, ya do. Are you serving your husband, or judging him?
Me: Okay, God. I get it.
From that point on, my whole thought process changed. I started to ask God to point things out in MY life that I needed to improve or change. The list was long, by the way! I asked for his daily guidance and I asked how I could be a blessing to my husband. I spent a lot of time in Proverbs 31 and learned how to be a wife that my husband could be proud of. One who served her husband, took care of her household, raised her children with love and sought out to help others. I quit making my husband my ministry. Instead I made myself my ministry. I’ve said this in a previous post, but I now focus on being an example to my husband instead of being the nagging wife telling him what to change and how to do it. It’s the old adage, actions speak louder than words.
Please keep in mind this was not easy at first! For over 15 years I expected my husband to be my everything, as well as being perfectly pleasing to God. I struggled with “who was gonna make ME happy”. A lot! But the more I showed love and kindness to him on purpose, it really started to make me feel good. I was making myself happy by providing joy to my husband. I was, and still am obeying God’s command to serve my husband and being rewarded in tremendous ways.
I was a score keeper, too. If he did something that hurt my feelings, I’d do something to hurt him. If he forgot my birthday, I’d be sure to “forget” his, but also remind him that he had forgotten mine. That all had to go. No more keeping records of wrongs. I continue to treat him as I want to be treated and I am “wronged” less and less each day. Think about it this way, is it more important at the end of the day to be right or more important to be loved and give love to your husband? I threw the score card out & chose love.
And what about God’s purpose for me? Well, in hindsight I think God put me through that tough season of my life so I could write about it right here and share it with you all. I can help you learn from my mistakes or I can sympathize with you because I’ve been there. But most important of all, I can show you how well it turned out in the end by just listening to God and taking the focus off my husband and turning it on myself.
Lets Pray:
Dear Lord, help us to keep our faith placed in You. Remind us that You are working in each one of us, even though we cannot see it, we can be certain of it. Help us as wives to respect our husbands and serve them as best we can. Keep us from judging them. Keep us from trying to fix them or make them our own personal ministry. We know we need to leave them to You, but sometimes we are impatient and try to do things in our time, which only hinders Your plan. This is why it is so important for us to meditate on Hebrews 11:1 and to keep our faith placed in You and be certain You are doing Your work in them, as well as in us. In Jesus name, we pray, Amen.
Your Assignment:
Dineen said that men need respect and some even equate it with love. I read this to my husband and asked him what his definition of respect is. He told me “kindness.” He said that just the act of me being kind to him made him feel I respected him. For your assignment today, I want you to ask your husband his definition of respect and list it below. At home, take that definition and USE it! If it’s kindness, be more kind. If it’s not questioning or judging him, don’t question or judge. I’m excited for you to see how much of a blessing this will bring to your marriage!
Godspeed,
Sarah
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About Sarah Boyer
Sarah I appreciate your transparency! Even in a marriage where the husband is saved, like mine, I sometimes try to be God to him when I think he's not where I think he should be!! LOL! We both know how that works out!!
Exactly! My husband is a believer, but I thought he could be a better one! 🙂 ha, ha!
Guilty of the same! I've often wished he would be a "better" Christian. Good grief. LOL Love your blog post today! Especially this:
"I spent a lot of time in Proverbs 31 and learned how to be a wife that my husband could be proud of. One who served her husband, took care of her household, raised her children with love and sought out to help others. I quit making my husband my ministry. Instead I made myself my ministry."
That's what I am constantly working on as well. Thanks for your words 🙂
It's nice to have company, Shandy! Ha, ha!! You had wise words: "That's what I am constantly working on as well." It is so true b/c living this way is a lot harder than placing focusing on someone elses problems, but it's so worth it!
Craig's definition of respect: "holding someone and their views in high esteem.With me it comes down to being attentive, listeing to my viewpoints instead of arguing. Doing things I ask without arguing…. things important to me being important to you."
Awesome definitions and all would equate respect to me as well. The Golden Rule…treat others as you want to be treated! It really does work!!
Sarah, as I read your blog early this morning, I immediately thought: She has found her purpose. Anytime we pass on to others what we have learned, we receive joy in doing so, plus the comfort God has given us, we comfort them at the same time. (11 Cor. 1:3-4) Great points throughout the whole blog.
Thank you so much, Martha! And I honestly don't think I realized how important my purpose was until I wrote it all out. GCH has been such a blessing to me!
Sarah I loved your blog. I loved when you said, "I continue to treat him as I want to be treated and I am “wronged” less and less each day. I know that was hard to do, but God used that time in your life, like you said, so that you could write this blog for today 🙂 <3
Thank you so much, Tonya! It's not the "great big" purpose I was always expecting, but I think it was just as important!
Sarah, amazing blog this morning! You have made me think and rethink. I, too, thought my purpose was to "save" my husband. I figured out about 6 months ago that was not the case. As soon as my hubby gets home from his work trip, I will definitely ask him about what respect means to him, until then I was thinking about my purpose. I really believe that we all serve not just one big purpose but many important purposes in our lives. God brings us to so many opportunities to show His mercy, love and grace to others, that not only help those we come in contact with, but also ourselves. Every time I am used by God, I walk away having learned a very valuable lesson about myself….I guess that is called growth in the Lord, huh? Thank you so much for your time, talent and faithfullness in this area of your life, God will surely bless you for doing His work! Hugs to you! <3
Now see how God great is….I just learned something from you, Jen! We don't all have just one purpose, but it could be several small ones! AMEN!! 🙂 Love you!
On my way to work this morning a lady called into Klove talking about this SAME EXACT THING! It started with an app that tracks exactly where you are at all times. This lady said it would be great for their relationship because they have had a lot of trust issues in the past. She said her husband was an unbeliever but she prayed for 11 years. I love what she said next, her prayers changed from fix my husband, change my husband TO fix ME change ME. When she shifted her focus and prayers, God answered her prayers and is now saved!!! I am so glad I read your post today. Too often, even though I am not married I am the same way with friends, coworkers, or family members. I have to remember to keep my focus on God and what He wants for me
Well that is just amazing that the radio show had the same topic as today's post. I love it when God is sending me a message at every turn!!
I have found it is a lot easier to change ME than my husband. I have control over my emotions, thoughts and words (most of the time!) so it just makes plain sense to work on ourselves and just pray God will have our husbands follow. It is truly working in my marriage. We have never been this happy. Not even as newlyweds!!
I've been thinking the same thing. That Kyle is hindering our blessings. And I'm so far off. So thank you.
You are welcome, Kim! I'm so glad God gave me this post to write for you today!
Great post, Sarah! God so loves a willing heart! We often resist out of a lie that says we will lose but in God's Truth and economy, we get so much more back for what we let go and entrust to Him. God is so amazing! This never stops blowing me away! LOL! 🙂
Thank you, Dineen! So honored you weighed in! I think what is hard about it, or why it may not even occur to us is because in the world's view it seems backwards. We are taught so young to get our joy from what others can do for us. It is hard to turn a lifetime of thinking that way around into "how can I bring joy to others". But once you do it…just like you said, we'll get SO much more back when we do!