Ladies, this blog today was extremely difficult for me to share with you and the world as I have never been one to be so transparent about my life, so I pray that God would use this to reach someone out there that must need to hear it, to be encouraged from it.
When you were a teenager did you make this statement to one of your girlfriends, “I found the man of my dreams, my soulmate” I did that when I met my man. I wanted so much to graduate high school and get married and have someone else meet my needs that I didn’t feel were being met at home. When I met my guy at high school, I thought right then OK there is no one else for me, he is “the one” for me. I never dated anyone but him. At that time I was not a Christian so I didn’t know anything about seeking “the man” God wanted for my life, I was strictly going with “my feelings, my wants, and my desires.” A strong desire to “get married” and get out of my home. My parents were having marital problems and I just wanted to get out of all that was going on, so I kept putting myself into this dating relationship more and more so I kept my mind off of what was going on in my home.
We dated for four years and the day he asked me to marry him was “wonderful”. I thought YAY, now my needs will finally be met. I will get something that I want. I did not truly know at that time what my “deepest need” really was nor did I know that he was not the one who would meet it.
I thought I was Cinderella and all my dreams I had ever had were gonna finally come to fruition…..but ladies this was only the beginning of what would be coming to pass in my life.
Wedding plans were being made…
A new job was provided for us both…
A home was found for us to move into…
We both were attending church at the time…
my dream life, my needs were coming together…..or so I thought
I thought this man was going to be my knight in shining armor, the one that would give me “everything” I had always wanted and needed. I talked myself into believing that, into believing in him to solely take charge of that area, “to provide me with “every need” (and wants by the way)…..he had a good job making money like I had never experienced in our home before. Ladies I had NEEDS and I just knew he was the one to “provide”.
I had need for:
- Acceptance – knowing that I was loved and needed by him
- Identity – knowing that I was significant to someone
- Security – knowing that there was someone to protect and provide for me
- Purpose – knowing that I have a reason for living
I was spending my life trying to get my needs met by many sources and at this time in my life I was totally focused on my boyfriend to do that for me, by marrying me.
In the year before we were married I began going to church more and learning more about God and I was beginning to understand that there was someone else who could meet “my true need”.
THE NEED OF SALVATION
I finally realized that no human being could meet “my deepest need”, that only God could. I was placing a lot of expectations on my boyfriend soon to be husband to take on that role and he could not do it.
Only God could meet my needs I had (acceptance, identity, security and purpose). In John 6:35 Jesus says to me “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.”
Ladies, Jesus had the ability to give me the spiritual food and drink that I needed to “satisfy” my longings, my needs. He invited me to come to him for my need to be met.
On April 17, 1979 I accepted His invitation to do just that and oh how my life changed. I “finally” had someone who could and wanted to meet “my every need”, not just the wants I was experiencing before this day. I still did not understand that I needed to seek God for the man I was to spend my life with, I mean I had been dating for 4 years and my wedding was planned and the wedding day was approaching, was I really suppose to put all that on hold until I had time to “seek Him” for answers, well since I didn’t truly know all that, I kept going with all the plans as they were and we were married on June 23, 1979.
We continued to attend church together and God was meeting my needs. I was growing but “we” were not growing in Him. I was still expecting my husband to meet needs that I wanted met. I was placing expectations on my husband that he could not uphold—you see my “deepest need” would then and always only be met by God, so I need to keep these areas separate and allow God to meet the needs He will meet and my husband to meet the needs he can meet as they are not the same ladies.
I needed to release my husband from the job that was God’s. God can heal us, love us in the way we need.
Man’s love is natural.
God’s love is supernatural.
Our husbands can’t possibly take on a role that was not his to begin with and if we try to “make” him do it he will begin to feel like a failure and resentment will begin to creep in and threaten our relationship.
Pg. 70-71; When our expectations are rightly placed in the One who created those needs in the first place we will discover freedoms in our marriage that allows us to be the woman God created each of us to be and the wife He needs us to be so that He can work through us to reach our husband. The burden is taken off our man, as is the label of failure. We can then respect our husband as he is and love him unconditionally.
I am happy to say I have been married 33 years, but sad to say I have just recently realized in the past year that I can’t force my husband to join me at church and in “my relationship” with God because he has to find those things on his own, but what I can do is pray for him and pray for us and:
“look only to God to meet our needs”
My man is my man and I want him as much today as I did back in high school and I have hope, joy, peace, trust and respect in Him and I need him every day, but to need him, I NEED GOD FIRST because it is God who will indeed meet the deepest places in “our marriage”.
Let’s Pray: God I thank you for meeting my every “need” since that day I met you and I pray for each lady who reads part of my short testimony today that if they have that same “need” to meet you as their provider that they too will say yes and release their “guy” from trying to be the one to meet it, but allow You to be their true provider in their life, in your name I pray Amen!
Your assignment: Who is meeting your deepest need? On a daily basis, on whom do you rely the most and to whom do you go to first to get your deepest need met? Tell us about it….
For the “Winning Him Without Words” Bible Study, you will need the book, your Bible, pen or pencil, a highlighter and a quiet place. You can order the book right through our website by clicking the “sign-up here” button at the top of our webpage; which is also where you can sign up to participate in this awesome bible study!
Please email Christi@girlfriendscoffeehour.com if you have any questions, or if you have a private comment that you would like to forward to one of our bloggers in regards to their post that day.
About Beverly McCormick
Thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK GOD for you. My story is very similar, but with a different ending. I praise Him for that daily. I will be sharing your testimony this morning with a young woman who needs to hear your words. This added to the sermon she heard yesterday, plus the conversation we are having will hopefully and prayerfully make a difference in her spiritual walk. Thank you for your transparency. Love your heart!
Thanks Teresa…and I will be praying for your friend as God leads you to share with her and pray that differences will be placed in her today!
AGREED!!! Love your heart, Beverly!!
I often look to my husband because he is physically there. But when he doesn't meet my needs how I expect him to, I get upset. I am really working on releasing this to God, but it is a constant, daily struggle for me.
Jennifer thanks for sharing….I know those feelings and thankfully our feelings can be changed when we ask God to replace them with newness…I will pray for newness for you and your huney bun!
I am right with Jennifer M, I always look to my husband for him to make me happy and fulfilled and that obviously doesn't work or always work, I try to rely on God more and yes it is hard! I'm definitely not there but want to be!
I know this was tough for you to share today, but I know that someone needs to hear this message! Thank you so much for sharing this today. I am guilty of expecting my husband to meet my every needs, at times, too. It makes me realize just how much pressure I truly do put on him, sometimes!! GOD is our only answer! FIRST….not after the fight we just had because our needs weren't met! FIRST!!!
I so recognize this in me, Beverly. In fact, God even brought me to that place several years ago and specifically pointed out to me of how I looked for my security and happiness in the lives of others, but that He was freeing me for Him. Often times I still have to go back to that moment in time when He revealed that to me, and pray God, "help me not to get entangled in that again." Your open heart, Beverly, is sure to touch many women today walking through this. God bless.
Thanks Martha and yes it does help to remember…as long as we don't remain there…lets just allow God to show us but then move forward today where He needs us to be….I was freed when I hit that "schedule" button last night….and even though satan was running around my bedroom making fun Of me I claimed Jesus…and I felt FREEDOM…my NEED was met!
Thanks Christi for sharing….when we figure out who is number one in handling our stuff then things would go so much smoother huh? Well at least He is teaching us and we get better every day right!!!!
For me God meets all my needs. I often times wonder how God in His infinite wisdom knows the exact need. It's always a perfect fit. When I stood for my marriage God weathered the storm with me bringing with Him the Love that renewed my heart. I read the truths in His Word which He personally revealed to me. When I would wake up & I was lonely I would immediately feel his presence. My knight in shinning armor is a King who loves me not for what I am but for who I am. I understand that sometimes we get lonely and need "to feel" loved but feelings last only for a moment. True love never ends.
Thanks Anne this is precious!
Beverly, thank you so much for being transparent and allowing us to learn from what God has taught through you. This would also be excellent for the single women to read. Amazing – and God will bless your life for sharing His testimony within you.
Thanks Laurie for the encouragement and I do pray God is using this portion of my life to minister to others today and going forward. Love ya!
Thank you Beverly for your open and honest heart today!! My husband is saved but I still look to him at times and think he should meet my needs!!! I need to look to God for all those needs because even a saved man can not do that. That is exactly why I needed God in the first place! No human being can do it, only God. Thank you for that reminder today and for your heart!! Love and hugs!!
Thanks Donna for sharing and for your luv and hugs today!
I love this so much bev… And know that our teens need this message today too <3 thank you for sharing a piece of your story with us. That is what we are called to do and I am praising God for your obedience today!!
Thanks Megan for your prayers last night…and I pray that it is helpful for others as they FIRST seek our God before making decisions that are so important in their life…and sometimes they need others to tell them to do so….I wish I'd had that someone in my life that was willing to speak truth to me! Thankfully I do now…my God and He helps me thru all the "stuff"
Thank you for your courage and the truth that we see through your life. I love you my friend.
Thanks Lynn for the encouragement and for your love and prayers!
Beverly, thank you so much for sharing your story! I know it was difficult for you, but your words are going to help so many. I also have had the Cinderella mentality. I found my husband in jr. high & expected him to be everything to me from a very young age. He has indeed been a wonderful husband, but at times I do place too much expectation on him to meet my every want & need. I have recently learned that the only one that can make my joy is myself & I need God’s help to do that!! Ever since I’ve figured that out, SO many areas of my life have improved!
Thanks Sara for sharing that…and yes FREEDOM is coming our way more and more each day as we surrender "our stuff" to Him…thank you Lord for teaching us!
I love this!!! It really touched my heart. I found out a super hard way that God is all I need and the one who will always provide all of my needs BUT it was the best realization. I love when you say mans love is natural, Gods love is supernatural!!!!! Thank you so so much for sharing bits of YOUR story with us today:)
Thanks Diane..glad God is showing you the way!
Beverly, I think we all walk this path at some point. I know I bought into the whole soul-mate thing myself and expected my husband to meet my need to be happy and loved deeply. My view of romance and love had been formed by the world, not God. My poor guy never stood a chance. LOL! I'm so thankful for his patience and that he even attempted to meet those needs, well, that just speaks volumes about his heart. When we let God meet our needs, we're free to love our husbands without expectations! And that frees them to love and surprise us! Beautiful post, my friend. Thank you for sharing your heart! 🙂
Thanks Dineen for these precious words and oh how patient my husband has been with me in this too….thanks to you and Lynn for this book, it is truly helping to change many areas in my life/marriage….I am noticing changes in my husband as God is changing me!!!!
Oh, if only I would have read this as a teenager! I hope you post this in decaf. Those girls need to hear this. Even us grown-up girls need to hear this. You did a beautiful job with this, Beverly!
Thanks Shandy…it helped me to go back to recall…as it helps me press forward in other areas…I would love to post in decaf if that is OK with your group…I want others to learn ahead of time the decisions that are so important before they have to trace backward steps…
Thank you so much for this story. I have been searching for somebody to talk to and listen to on this topic! I got married only a few months ago and since our wedding, I feel as though my world has crumbled. I lost my job, become depressed, and started searching for God again after too long of focusing too much on my now husband to meet all of my needs. How do you break from the cycle of relying on your husband for everything? I am trying, but in need of encouragement. I will keep reading your stories. Thank you!
Molly thanks so much for sharing with us today…and I can say the only thing that helped me to break that dependant cycle was to remain FULLY in Gods Word…don't let anyone or anything keep you from it…God will show you the paths to take and how to deal with these areas….it is hard but I have now been married 33 years and I am still battling the same areas as back then but I am stronger because my relationship with Christ is stronger and thru this study and talking with all you sweet ladies it even strengthens my marriage even more…I am learning how to let God handle my husbands issues and I am enjoying him again….like when we were dating….let God have Your man….and as you remain with God He will strengthen every moment with your man!
Oh Beverly, your post has spoken volumes to me today. God has shown me that I have relied on my husband way too much to meet my needs. To the point that I made him an idol of sorts. I am slowly learning that I need to release him, the marriage and all the other stuff to God, for no one can love me the way God can. Although I know this to be true, it has been difficult to accept God's love and mercy. Little by little He continues to teach me that He is all I need, that He will meet all my needs, that He loves me and I have been chosen by Him. I am slowly learning to let go of my misconceptions and learning to hold on to God for dear life!
Thank you for your transparency and sharing from your heart Beverly 🙂
Thanks for sharing Melissa with us and I am thrilled to hear what God is doing in your life and marriage and this is encouraging for others who read this comment
To be said honestly, my deepest needs are being met by my dog and God. I go first to my dog and then I go to God.