As I studied this lesson for today I sat for two days thinking what in the world can I share about “love being for a lifetime” that was not already shared by these wonderful authors and then as I was sitting having dinner and Bible Study with my sister God showed me what to share from one word in a sentence on Pg. 56, “God is freely giving us the secret to a long and joyful marriage”, and here is what God showed me:
the secret is in the “C”‘s
Commitment (Matthew 19:4-6)
Without commitment to each other and to God a harmonious marriage cannot last long. Give yourselves fully to each other. Marriage commitment is a “vow for life”. Commitment is hard work. Commitment sometimes means that you are willing to be unhappy for a while until both of you can work things out. Good marriages aren’t freebies…they must be made through effort. Are you really committed to your mate or are you just hoping it will last?
Compromise
When two people live together there must be compromise. Give and take….remembering that you don’t have to be right. The husband is commanded to love and honor the wife thus fulfilling the solemn vow you have just made. Probably one of the most unloving things we do to one another is try and change each other. Compromise is the evidence of real love.
Communication
Communication is only possible if one is listening while the other one is speaking. Sometimes the spouse doesn’t even need to be speaking! Even more importantly than understanding words, it is imperative that you understand how your partner feels. Stop what you are doing and give devoted attention to each other. Set aside blocks of time for communication and undivided attention.
Courtesy
Courtesy is kindness, good manners, being a gentleman or a lady. It almost seems an old fashioned concept in this day and age, but it is important for a good marriage relationship. J B Phillips translated 1 Corinthians 13: 5, “Love has good manners.”
Comedy
Proverbs 15:13 says, “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.”
Let there be laughter. Joy is the mark of a Christian life. Laughter is good for the soul. Go ahead, be a clown; get that frown off your face. Tell a joke; do something silly!
Charity
It’s an old fashioned word which we often translate “love”. I’m talking about pure and simple LOVE. Love bears all things, the Bible says. Without love there is no intimate relationship. Love is a gift from God. Godly love is unconditional. It does not depend upon the other party or their behavior. It is genuine. Love is not just a physical attraction, but a spiritual commitment.
Courtship
Physical affection and intimacy is biblical and a must if a marriage is going to thrive. (Proverbs 5:18-19 – “…And rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And al- ways be enraptured with her love.”
One problem among many couples today is that we’ve forgotten how to court. The real issue is that what we did to capture our mate’s love we no longer do to keep their love. Think about it for a minute. We used to get all dressed up, perfumed up, pumped up for our dates together. We got married and things changed. We now see each other at absolutely the worst times of the day: in the morning with our bed head and doggy breath and in the evenings with bad days and droopy drawers. We have got to be intentional about continual courtship.
Don’t delete dating from your marriage. In other words, “Date your mate.” The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 9:9 that we are to “live joyfully with the wife whom you love…” If you’ve stopped dating, you’ve started drifting apart. Find fun things to do together. Find something you both like to do and then go do it.
The last and best “C” is CHRIST
Jesus Christ is the main ingredient that so many marriages leave out. Jesus is interested in our marriage. After all, Jesus’ first miracle was performed at a wedding where He was the invited guest. How many marriages have left Him off the invitation list? He is the only one who can give you the ability to love when you feel that you’ve run out of love.
There’s not a greater gift that you could give your life mate than to become a godly person, become like Jesus and treat your mate the way He would treat them. (Philippians 2:5 –“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.”)
Christ must be center of both of your lives and as you grow towards Him, He will grow you even closer to one another.
A surefire way of maintaining these “C’s” is to pray together as husband and wife on a daily basis. Don’t let busy schedules, the TV, work, or the internet crowd this out. Make it your highest priority to “stay connected” and you will have a prosperous marriage journey that will “last a lifetime”
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Let’s Pray:
Lord I pray for each of us as we learn the “secret” you have for our marriage and which ones we need to work on to make our marriage stronger in You Lord and to be assured it will last a lifetime. In Your name I pray. Amen!
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Your assignment:
Which one of the C’s have been easy for you since you have been married and which one do you intend on being “intentional” about changing for your future and how can you connect with your husband while making these changes?
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Love you all,
Beverly
About Beverly McCormick
hmmm. which one…have been easy? 'commitment!' by God's grace, i was convinced before we got married that 'the d word' was not an option for christians. i knew that God's standard was to remain married. and so, by God's grace, that has been my standard, too. now, which one…intentional about changing? 'comedy.' i have the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart…but need to be intentional about having more happiness along with it. 😉
thanks, beverly, for putting this before us! <3
Thanks Coleen for sharing…it is wonderful to see that commitment was your easiest…And we will help you bring that laughter just by hanging with us!!!!!! Laughter will abound in you and into your home…have a great day!
I have to admit that in the beginning, the Commitment word was not part of my vocabulary! I didn't know what commitment was! In the past, if things got rocky in a relationship, I just up and left! But God…..oh but God, then introduced me to a man that taught me about the word commitment! It took some time, but after I "got" it, the "d" word is forbidden in our home! The only reason that the commitment word became a forbidden word though isn't just because of my husband, it's because of the other "C" word….Christ. After putting Christ at the center of our home, we see no other alternative in our marriage but to remain together until death do us part. It's taken a lot of work, and I have to admit that most of the work took place in me. I came into the marriage with a ton of baggage, but thank God my husband was willing to love me unconditionally, and show me grace, patience, and forgiveness!
Oh WOW Christi what a testimony of commitment….thanks for sharing!
I think the easiest for me is Charity. I think I'm good at serving my husband in his needs. The hardest (besides the obvious answer of Christ, since my husband is a non believer) would be Courtship. I know I stopped wearing makeup and dresses and heals. I haven't worked out in years and I think I forgot to stop eating for two after the babies came. It's just so easy to fall in a I already have him why strive to keep him mantaliity. So I will be working on that moving forward.
Thanks for sharing Ashley….and I will be praying as God shows you how to bring your courtship back "alive"
I would have to say Comedy . Hector can really make me laugh & sometimes when I'm trenched in he can make me see both sides. The emotional balance between laughing & crying is so important. I know one of my favorite verses talks about a merry heart~ A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones. (Proverbs 17:22 NKJV). I have often turned to this verse to remind myself that even in sorrow I must raise my heart up to laugh. When things get tough and they do the medicine that laughter produces brings joy.
Intentional I would have to say Commitment. I have made the commitment to being a change woman. To learn from my mistakes of the past as to not repeat them but more than that I have committed my self to Christ to carry him into our marriage. I believe Christ has a central purpose in our marriage and more Han anything wants our household to serve him beginning with our marriage. Through my commitment to Christ I believe in each promise that has been written in the Word. My Father gave us salvation and through our commitment to Christ He promises that my household will be saved ~ So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” (Acts 16:31 NKJV) and I stand on these words for my husband and my children.
Thanks for sharing Anne…and I too Know that God wants His children to come to Him….so I will continue to believe there is hope and that one day we will be united with Christ spiritually in our marriage……so lets stay committed to seeing Gods plan thru and lift up each other!
I love the C's.. All of these are important to a lasting marriage whether we are in a spirituallly unmatched marriage or not. Marriage is hard in this world yet with God we have a power that is no match for the enemies works. God is in control.
Thanks for sharing Angie and Amen…
Marriage IS hard work. It becomes even harder when only one spouse is actively working on the marriage. Commitment is the easiest one for me. I have resolved to honor my covenant with my husband no matter what. Courtship is also easy. i make sure i look nice when my husband gets home & dress up if we go out, even if it is just to run errands. Communication is difficult because, again, it requires 2 active participants. Christ is & always will be a work in progress. I look forward to the day when my husband & I pray together. But the hardest for me is Comedy. I tend to be too serious, & not spontaneous enough. Comedy is definitely the one I need to be intentional about.
thanks for sharing with us…again another one who states that commitment is easy for them…that is so wonderful to hear!!!….I wonder if we watch some cartoons if that will help us with our laughter….well just a thought…maybe I will try it…who knows if might lighten us both up some. have a great week!
Very good points, Beverely. They made me stop and think. The one that has always been the easiest for me, and I guess my husband, too, is commitment. Though there were times that both of us might have felt, "I want out of here," it just didn't seem like the D word was the answer, and here we are. The one I know I need to work on is courtship. We tend to let "things" get in our way and rob us of fun times we once had dating. This definitely made me think.
thanks for sharing with us Martha!…and another one with commitment as their easiest…Yay…..yeah that courting thing does seem to go out of our window when we get older or many years of marriage, but that is one area that was the beginning of where our relationship started so I can see how to stay in that frame will help in every other aspect of our life….have a wonderful week Martha!
Thanks for sharing the "C"s with us Beverly. I would say the easy one for me is commitment. Brian and I are totally committed to each other. Love that guy with my whole heart. Intentional….I Would have to say is communication…we can be saying the exact some thing but in a different way and I have a hard time understanding why he does not not what I am saying but we both have working on that
PC thanks for sharing with us and oh how true! we say the same but don't hear the same and it does take constant communication to make sure we are making sense to each other
Thank you Beverly for sharing the 'C's! Our easiest on is comedy! that was from courtship to today! the C to work on (all of them) would be courtesy…I need to work on my tones, this is the man I love, committed to love, honor, share joy with, and I very much need that to show in my actions and words. Sometimes I walk away (purposely) saying, "I love him! I love him! Dear Lord, help me to remember I love him! lol then I remember and off we go into our next escapade…Life can be a hoot! Hugs to you Ladies, you are lifting me!
Cheri, thanks for sharing that with us, and you are right hootie hoot would be the word for ours….glad to know I have others who are hooting too! lol…..
The easiest 'C' for my husband and I has been Comedy. We always seem to have the ability to work out every problem smiling on the other side. The 'C' that I want to intentially increase in our relationship would be Courtesy. It seems that we are hardly ever courteous and considerate to one another.
I think the easiest for me has been commitment! There is no thoughts of anything ever being able to come between us. I joke with him that he is stuck with my crazy self forever! 🙂 One area we could improve on is communication. We have came a long way but w still have a long way to go, some because our views are so different because of our beliefs. An area I personally need to work on is the courtship. As a SAHM many times he comes home to a frumpy housewife. My goal is for him to come home to a good smelling pretty lady of love.