Control.
Why do we desperately hold onto it? What are we afraid of? I will be the first to admit that I am a control freak. Since returning to Christ two years ago, God has repeatedly revealed my controlling tendencies and convicted me of them, especially in the realm of my marriage. It is not pretty. I am not sure how my husband lives with me, but I am thankful that the Lord is showing me a better way and that my husband has a measure of patience. When I took a good look in the mirror, I realized that I needed to focus on saving myself, not my husband.
So, I can relate to this whole chapter in a big way. But this section on control . . . I felt like Lynn was talking directly to me.
Even though God has been working on me, I do not have it all together. There is still that part of me that wonders… can I really, truly, 100%, no holds barred, relinquish this salvation-of-my-husband-thing to God? Some days I think I can. Other days I am not so sure. I will release it to God one day and the next day, I will take it back.
Why is it so hard?
As Lynn Donovan states on page 44:
- I am the only believer my husband encounters on a regular basis
- I am the one person who is actively praying for him
- If I do not show my husband Jesus, who will?
And two of my own . . . the ones that lies in the deepest recesses of my heart. The ones that are hard to even type. What if I never get to see my husband come to faith? What if he does not get saved? If I do not become actively involved in my husband’s salvation, then who will?
Well, Lynn smacked me upside the head humbled me with her next statement:
All of this is true, yet you are underestimating the power of the Lord in your life.
Ouch!
Lord, I am so very sorry.
Why do I keep trying to BE God in my husband’s life? God is certainly capable of handling things just fine on His own, thankyouverymuch. I mean, He grabbed me without anyone bombarding me with open Bibles or Christian music. So, why am I trying to do it for someone else?
Lynn tells us that two things will happen when we finally let go of our foolish and unproductive efforts to save our men:
- We will discover new freedom – the pressure we feel to bring our spouse to Christ will lift. We can just enjoy our spouse for the man that he is.
- Our husbands’ will experience freedom – he will no longer need to feel uncomfortable or try to deflect our crazy attempts to bring him to faith. He can RELAX around us. Our faith will become LESS OF A THREAT in his eyes. It will free him to explore faith at his own pace, in his own time, at GOD’s leading.
Ladies, I am right there with you. I am scared. I can talk a good game and feel like I am living it sometimes, but other times I take it all back and try to do it on my own. It is hard to relinquish that control. But, God really does have this. He wants our husbands’ to know Him and to love Him even more than we do. Our God will never stop pursuing the lost and bringing them to Himself (read Luke 15:3-10). In fact, when we step in and try to take on God’s job, we just get in the way and make more work for God! Are you ready to put your husband’s salvation in God’s hands and truly let go and let God handle it?
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Let’s Pray:
Father God, in the name of our mighty Savior, Jesus Christ, I ask you to give each woman in this study a courageous strength to release their husband’s salvation into your capable hands. We know that you love our husbands’ even more than we do, Lord, and you want a deep and abiding relationship with each of them. Help us to get out of Your way and to let You do the work in our husbands’ hearts and lives. Please reveal anything in our own lives that we are doing that is causing angst or stress to our husbands’ and marriages and help us to repent of it. In your name we pray, Amen.
Your Assignment:
Tell us why it is difficult to fully let go of your husband’s salvation and give it completely over to God.
Many blessings to you,
Jennifer
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first of all…thank you, jennifer! that must have been difficult…so thank you! and thank God for all that He is doing in you!!! ok, your question: my answer sounds crazy (and it is!) but…'because i love him!' is my answer. now i know (in my head) that 'because i love him' should even more be my answer as to why i would TOTALLY relinquish his salvation to the One Who died for him… the Lord and i are actively working on this. you, too? <3
Love this Coleen!! "because I love him"!!! Beautiful!
It's not crazy! It is completely understandable! BUT GOD loves our husbands even more than we do!! So, it is SAFE to let God have control of their salvation. He's got this!
This devo by David Wilkerson SO goes with this :http://www.worldchallenge.org/en/node/19925?src=devo-email
That is a great devo, Martha! That you for sharing. Definitely a great passage of scripture to remember!!!
I feel it is hard to relinquish control because I look at the results WITHOUT their salvation and it motivates me to want to DO something; BUT that something needs to be prayer and yes, probably fasting as well.
The one thing that really freed me up about this Martha, is realizing that God has to be able to get through to our husbands WITHOUT our interference. I had to step back and ask myself, "Lord, do I trust that YOU have my husbands best interest in mind? Do I trust that YOU are working in my husbands life? Do I trust that You really DO want all to come to know You?" If the answer to those questions is YES, then we need to truthfully step back and allow God to do His thing! For me, it was a TRUST issue!! Do I TRUST that God has this???? After I knew my answer to that, which was YES, it was so easy to step back and watch God move!!! And He DID!!!
Yes, Martha. I understand that. I see how my husband struggles and how he is looking for meaning and purpose in his life. I want to scream from the rooftops that I have the answer for him…but I can't. I see how the world makes him think that it has all the answers for him. I see what this kind of thinking has done to our marriage, too. BUT GOD has redeemed some of this hurt and brokenness, too. He does work all things out. We just have to TRUST and LET HIM do it!
I am right now overwhelmed with that fact that I belong to the same church family as Jennifer and I am humbled and blessed to know her.
As usual, Jen, you have such a way with words and I have a great deal to learn. I am not doing a good job of letting go at all and need to put in more of the effort that ahold wants from me to release everything to Him. Thank you for this well put reminder!
Jennifer has been a huge blessing to us, as well, Mina!
I feel blessed that God put me in the church family that I am in, Mina! I am thankful to know you, too!! Letting go and putting all your trust in Him is hard. But the reward will be great and better than anything you could ever imagine!
Wow now if I could just learn to do this with my son. i worry about my new grand son and that he will never hear about God or even see the inside of a church. They live at the other side of the US and I have only seen him twice in his one year. My Son and his wife think he will make his own decision when he grows up. With nothing to go on i worry. After reading todays blog I have to pray and let God handle it.
AMEN, Beth!! We as grandmothers have a huge job in praying not only that our children will make the right decisions about their spiritual walk, but that they will also make wise decisions about their children's walk, as well. I, too, just recently had this same discussion with my DIL. I asked if we could start taking the two older boys to church with us each Sunday. They feel very strongly that their kids be allowed to make their own choice when they are older, and not have religion forced onto them. My question back to her was: "But how can they make an intelligent decision when they won't even know what having a relationship with Christ means?" Our job dear Sister is to just keep PRAYING, especially when they live so far away!!!
Beth, you have a very similar situation to me. My SIL and daughter are not teaching their children about God or Jesus and it kills me. (not my daughter's choice but she is under his control). I pray and ask God to bring awakening to my SIL, to shatter the lies and blindness in Jesus' name. It is tough to hold my tongue when visiting which is only 3-4 times a year. I'm not allowed to bring Jesus into their home. Sad.
I think a lot of these principles we are learning can be applied to all of our relationships, not just our husbands. It might be harder if we don't see some family members very often. We just have to continually lift these precious family members to the Lord, pray that strong people of faith come into their lives, and do what we CAN do – PRAY – to intercede for them.
I think it is hard because I don't want to leave him behind! As I go along my journey with God, I want my husband right beside me, learning and experiencing the same things I am at the same time I am so we can rejoice together. It's hard to be so excited about a new discovery in Christ and not be able to share it with your husband because you know he won't be as excited or even care. 🙁
It is so difficult to have such a joyful relationship with Jesus, and see that our husbands are missing out on something so beautiful!!! PRAY dear Sister!!!
Yes, Sarah, Yes! But we can share it with our sisters in Christ for now! And we will rejoice with you when your husband does come to the Lord! Amen!
Wow! Reading this felt like I was reading my own words. It is a scary proposition. So glad God continues to pursue. Now if I can just get out of the way and let Jesus be Jesus. Thank you Jennifer for revealing your heart. It touched me deeply
Amen, Girlfriend!! God IS in control!!!
You are so very welcome, dear girlfriend. I'm still learning how to get out of the way. Let us keep lifting each other up, encouraging one another, and praying for our husbands. I'm glad this post spoke to you!!
I struggle with turning over control because of my own over confidence. I 'feel' like I was put her to reach my husband, that must be my purpose, how can i not succeed in the job God set before me. This line of thinking often leads to my frustration in failure. The key word there is feel, just because i feel it or think it, or are being whispered it, does not make it Truth. 'The voice of Truth says do not be afraid.' What I am beginning to realize is that I was likely put here, in this household, in this situation, to test my own strengths and weaknesses in my own spiritual walk. I often find myself attempting to walk a 'tight rope' of sinful behavior simply because of my un believing spouse. I need to just stop, and focus on taking my own Stand with Faith knowing that God has got this covered, in His time.
Oh Ashley, you got it! He truly does have this! Just allow yourself to be the WIFE that God created you to be, and LOVE your husband for who he is!! 1 Peter 3: 1-2 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.
I've thought the same thing! God must have me in this marriage for a reason – to bring my husband to faith!! BUT GOD says something different. It is very possible that I am in this marriage to lead my husband to faith, but it will not be my overt actions that do so. Since I have come to faith, I think I have learned more about marriage than anything else! So, I will step back, strive to be the 1 Peter 3 wife as best as I can and let God do what He does best. And pray lots along the way 🙂
What a powerful message! When we don't want to look at the flaws in ourselves, we tend to want to control others around us. Our Lord loves our husbands even more than we ever could <3
AMEN!!! HE wants our husbands to come to Him way more than WE ever could!!!!
Oh yes, it is so true!! Who wants to see the "not so pretty" parts of themselves?! Fortunately we have God to help us face those parts of ourselves and show us how to live a better way.
Because I love him so much and am terrified that he will spend eternity in hell.
**hugs** Becky! Yes, that is the ultimate fear, isn't it? But no matter what we DO or DON'T do, God will take care of our husbands. We must continue to be obedient to God, continually lift our husbands in prayer, and trust that God is who He says He is.
When my husband and I first got together, he was unsaved. After about six months into our marriage, he came forward in a service in which I was sharing a song. The pastor stopped the service and did an altar call, and my husband was saved. Life was great, we both grew in the Lord and served faithfully for 27 years.When he shared his testimony he always told people that he was won over without words, that if I had nagged him or anything he probably never would have come to know the Lord. Fast forward to 3 years ago when I came home from a mission trip to find out about an affair and his planning to leave. His comment at the time was I needed to follow 1 Peter's charge to win him over without words. My thought – I already did that! Now three years later, he is still not serving the Lord and I am still silent, until the Lord provokes me to speak. I am hoping someday that this will all make some sense, but in the mean time, the only thing to do is trust God. I have put trust in my husband several times over the 3 years, only to have that trust shattered time and time again. The stress has ruined my health and I find myself angry with God at times. But when all is said and done – there is no where else to turn for You have the words of life O Lord. I truly don't want to dishonor my husband by sharing too much, but sometimes the battle is wearing and hope wans, but God is and always will be in control. AND THIS IS NOT OUR HOME! Whether I see my husband come back into fellowship with the Lord or not, I know and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day!
Amen, Mary! Continue to lay it at His feet, every moment of the day if you have to. He is always there. There is nothing He cannot handle. Give it all to Him. Rest in His promises.
Mary Earle I am touched by what you have shared. Our stories are very similar & I understand how you feel. Especially the part about no where else to turn. I too am often weary & find hope is fading. Knowing others walking a similar path breaks my heart yet I am so glad for the support & encouragement. I am slowly learning to look to God to meet my needs & rest in Him. Love your last line – I am persuaded that He is able. Thank you for sharing.
For me…I think it's so hard because I don't know if I will ever see him come to faith. Fear of the unknown, I don't know what will happen. He may never bend his knee to God and that's what I fear.
I know what you mean Tami. I have had my share of fear through this whole thing, but I am always reminded that perfect love casts out fear and God's love is perfect for me and my husband! It truly seems like this group is a place where you can get encouragement without judgement. I have not had alot of encouragement to hang in there with my husband, so I don't talk about it and sometimes the fear and grief are overwhelming and you just need to know that someone is praying and I believe that this is a great place to get that. Always remember that it is not God's will that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. I will be praying for you dear sister in Christ as i am sure other women are. Father I bind a spirit of fear in the name of Jesus and i ask that your peace that passes understanding would roll over Tami this week in Jesus name.
Wow, I am just amazed as I read the comments. Up until a year and a half ago, I had never been associated with anyone who was unequally yoked. All my friends were married; that's who I sat with in church. So, this is just so helpful to unite with women of like causes and see them reaching out to one another.
And Jennifer, you did an excellent job of putting control in its place – -God does have it.
Amen, Mary. Beautiful words of TRUTH!!!
God gives us a spirit of power. Rest in His promises, Tami. Do not fear the unknown. God is pursuing your husband, whether your husband sees it or not. Hugs, girlfriend.
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7, NLT)
I don't really have a problem letting God take over in my husband's life. I don't push him into anything really. It just breaks my heart that he doesn't have a relationship with God.
It breaks God's heart too, I think… But He will continue to seek the lost and bring them to Himself. Thanks for sharing, Mandi!
Thank you Jennifer for sharing. I know it must be so hard to relinquish control over and let God handle it. Our God is almighty and though we may think that we know best, I have to keep reminding myself that HE is the one that KNOWS the plan. He knows all. Thank you God for covering each one of us in this bible study and through this chapter reminding us that You've Got This!!