Is it possible to thrive in a mismatched marriage?“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you”Hebrews 13:5
Like Lynn, one of our authors, I too remember a time in my marriage where I was on my “throne”. I married this man, shouldn’t he meet my every need?
.
Shouldn’t he greet me in the morning, with no morning breath, and bring me breakfast , in bed cooked just the way I like it? bring me my morning coffee as he goes out the door to work? And shouldn’t he be available to help me with the kids or housework or laundry? After all wasn’t he my Husband, partner, my life-mate? Aren’t we supposed to be doing this together? I know that sounds absurd, but I really did think that!
.
Thinking only of myself and judging him from my “throne”- it’s a lonely and sometimes angry place to be. My husband is a believer, but I think whether you are both believers or not, As we go through this life together we are not always on the same page, Spiritually speaking. The highs and lows of our life and walk with God come sometimes at different times for us. Until I realized that I was actually trying to push him to where I was, then God would speak to me and remind me that I was only responsible for my walk with Him. God would take care of my husband and his choices.
.
WOW! What freedom I felt then! I could love my husband, have fun with him, live life and raise our children, and not worry about where he was with God. The unreal expectations I had for my husband were just that- unreal! My husband will never fulfill all my needs, he can’t! But God can, if I let Him.
.
I can rest and know God will take care of all of it My husband as well as myself. When I let God be in control he takes away the anxiety of my life. God meets me right where I am and meets hubby where he is too. My marriage can grow and THRIVE!! I can rest assured God has our backs in this marriage-After all he created marriage!
.
When we yield our marriage to the Lord of life-He takes it and molds it. He works together and sometimes individually on each of us to make our union the best it can be. All I need do is get off my “throne” and hand my scepter over to God, pray for my husband and let God work! He will never leave me or forsake me. Like Lynn says: recognize Jesus is with you always and is intimately involved in our marriage and that is life changing!
____________________
Let’s pray:
God we want to get off our “throne” and hand it over to you. Help us to love our husbands no matter where they are with You. I pray we can yield our marriage to You and rest assured You will take good care of it because You WANT our marriage to be successful. Be the Lord of our life and marriage I pray in Jesus name-amen
.
Your assignment:
I sometimes struggle, because I am a control freak, with letting my husband make decisions for our family so I pray daily that I will leave him and the decisions he has to make to God. If you have the same “throne” problem I do tell us some of them and ways you can get off the throne and hand your scepter t0 God.
__________________
If you would like to join our Women’s Online Bible Study & Facebook Discussion Group, click on the “Sign-Up Form” button above, at the top of our page, and complete the sign-up form. We’ll be glad to place you upon your request!!
God’s Blessings On Your Day,
Donna!
Like Be the first one who likes this post!
About Donna Day
The hardest part of stepping off our thrones is admitting that we are ON our throne!! Once we get that, and see it for what that really is, WOW!! When Jesus takes the wheel, our whole life begins to go in a completely different direction!! Awesome post today, Donna! <3 U
Thanks Christi, it is hard to admit!
Ooooh, i definitely have control freak issues. For me it is remembering it is not about the process but the outcome. Who cares how the dishwasher gets loaded as long as the dishes get done? What difference does it make which way the toilet paper faces as long as he is replacing the roll? Does it matter how the pillows are on the bed, as long as the bed has been made? Is my way really the only way? Why is my way better? What makes me think my way is the only way Scott will turn back to God? Does it really matter how Scott turns back as long as he does return to his relationship with God? I wish it was as easy as this makes it sound but I still struggle. It is a matter of choice, choosing not to "rule" with an iron fist, choosing not to "rule" at all but giving that power back to who it rightfully belongs – Jesus
You're on the right Track Keep it up!
A throne i had to give up was the idea that My Husband should do what i ask when i ask it. It took a while for me to realize, there is a difference in my time, and my husbands times, and God's time. Any expectations or limitations i place on something need to be fully expressed, or how can i expect my husband to fulfill them? He isn't a mind reader. And while im at it, i need to determine when where and why i am using that limitation or expectation before expressing it. For example, when i ask him to take out the garbage, i really mean for him to get up and do it right now. Well why do i need it done right this minute? Is it over flowing? if so, why did i wait till it was full to ask? Why cant it wait 10, 15 an hour? As long as he does what he says he will do, does him doing it at his own time really matter to me and what i need to do? Requiring that of my husband is putting an unreal expectation on him. Same goes for God, how can i put expectations and limits on what i ask of him? God is not living on the same time frame as me, and neither is my husband. I need to accept that, and adjust to him time frame sometimes too. And i find, the more i adjust to his time frame on things, the more he strives to meet me on my time frame. Bringing us closer together in the end.
Ashley you are so right! I have learned, though not always successful, that my timing is not necessarily my husbands and not always God's either! Thankfully He never gives up on us to do better!!
I was guilty of expecting my husband to be the whole source of my joy when we were first married too. It took me 10 yrs to figure out only I was the one that could make my joy, and another 5 yrs after that to realize my joy was in Jesus. Once I set my mind with God, my joy is also set. I have learned to get off of my "serve me and make me happy, hubby" throne and have allowed God to fill that role. I can truly say that since I gave that job to God, I am the happiest I have ever been!
To finally learn that lesson that "It's Not About Me" is a tough one!!!! Thank God for His grace and mercy!
Sarah sounds like you've found the key to happiness in your marriage!!! :)))
I did have control issues in the beginning and I thought he should change to be what I wanted him to be. That was a fun roller coaster of frustration. After 18 years of me having to do everything because he was an alcoholic and I was a child of an alcoholic, God decided to shake things up and take away my controlling tendencies. He allowed our marriage to totally melt in a puddle of despair for both of us. Because we were both believers he rebuilt it his way. It took me five years to get over the damage my husband did during that time, but with God all things are possible. We celebrated our 40th anniversary. For those with control issues, give them to God early on and enjoy what He has for your marriage. It is a lot less frustrating.
Wow, Jackie!!!! Congratulations on 40 years Girlfriend!!! What an awesome testimony to God's faithfulness when we allow HIM into our marriage!!!
WOW!!! I'm so encouraged by you Jackie!! What a testimony! It is true, some people marry for better or worse but not always for good!! LOL! Good advice from you Girl!!
Wow — Because of the job I had, I had to be always in control. When I retired I realized that this had carried over to my home life. It has taken 3 years for me to understand that I do not have to be this person. I am also backing out of many things and letting my husband be incharge. Oh my– Life is so much more relaxed and less stressful . I am learning to let the Lead dog Lead. Thank you for this group as I still need reminders.
You've got good start on the key to it, keep on chugging!!
hi there! thank you, donna, beautifully stated. i appreciate that you wrote: "The unreal expectations I had for my husband were just that- unreal! My husband will never fulfill all my needs, he can’t! But God can, if I let Him." oh.so.true. wrongful expectations is such the big deal! and, truly, ONLY God can & will meet my needs. <3
🙂 Thanks hard lesson to lern, but I did with God's help!!
Thanks Donna…. I too struggle with my husband making decisions but God showed me a while back "Beverly how will he ever learn to be the leader if you are taking on his role?", so that was a WOW moment from God so I have relinquished myself from that throne, however if the decision is ever one that is not according to God's Word I tell him we need to have further discussion before a decision can be agreed upon…
so true about more discussion Beverly! But even if I don't agree with his decision I have to trust that God will use it for good if it turns out wrong. and that has happened too. It all turns out the way god intended in the first place and He is never wrong. I really just have to trust!!
Late this afternoon I sat and watched my husband power wash our deck. I had to resist suggesting a better way of doing it. I know he was waiting for me to say something as he kept looking over at me. I just gave him a big smile!! Thank you for all the comments and todayw lesson. As I said I do need reminders!!
So do I Beth, so do I!
This is such a tough one for me! I have to intentionally NOT say things to dear husband at times. Before I say something, I stop and think "What is my purpose in saying this?" Is it just to get my own way? Does it really matter if we go "my way" when we drive to the store? It may sound silly, but I truly have to stop and think through some of these thoughts before they fly out of my mouth and hurt my husband.
Jennifer, What a good practice!! I'm going to think about this next time too! Thank You!!! NOT silly at all!!!
I'm a control freak, too. I know I have to trust God that he will lead my husband to guide and take care of our family, but when I don't understand my husband's tactics I feel the drive to take over. The only way that I can think of to release my "scepter" and let God lead the way is to remind myself to take a deep breath and say a prayer for patience and acceptance. And then ignore the path my husband takes to git-r-done.
I do try to control way too much. I didn't think so until I really stepped back and looked hard at myself. So…today DH got off early from work. We wrre discussing dinner and I said "here's what's in our grocery budget just pick up what you want for dinnet and anything else you think we need." Usually I would be specific about dinner and what to purchase and how much we could spend. It's a small step….and of course DH did great and all wad well.