When I realized I was the first blogger for this new study I have to admit I was very nervous, because this first chapter is one that hits hard on my heart.
I am one of those ladies who walks into my church every week without my hubby by my side. Many years ago I was just like how this chapter described her entrance into church.
I looked for the closest seat to the back, so I could get in quick and out faster. I tried to make sure I was just a few minutes from service beginning before I walked in then I wouldn’t have very many people looking at me or wondering if others were following behind me. It would allow me to slip in quick, slide in the pew and look down quickly at my bulletin, like I had been sitting there all the time.
When my husband and I were first married he attended church with me, but about 1-1/2 yrs. later he slowly stopped going with me at all, and that is when the loneliness began to set in.
Back then I would ask him every Sunday if he would go with me and he kept saying “No”…I would sit in church week after week watching all the couples come in, slide into a pew, and then that is when it hit me…..that husband’s arm would come around his sweet wife’s shoulder and I would be so jealous that I wanted to move to another pew, but that didn’t help because there was just another couple doing the same on another pew.
They just had the “look” that I so wanted. All these couples made me want to quit going to church all together….until one day God showed me:
“why are you looking at others, when you should be focused on me”…..WOW did He ever get my attention!
Here I was treating this like a ball game or a movie, when I should’ve been focusing my attention on what God was trying to teach me from His Word for my life, not the fact that I was sitting alone in church without my mate.
Pg. 26 of our study described my feelings exactly:
- I yearned for my husband to be there to sit with me
- I dreamed of feeling his arm come around my shoulder
- I desired to have him look up a Bible verse together, then him holding my hand after we found it
God showed me years later that my responsibility in my marriage is my relationship with Christ, and that I don’t need to worry about my husband’s, that God will take care of that.
So ladies, that is what I did:
- I kept going to church and serving God in areas that He led me to
- I kept asking my hubby to come with me
- I took our children with me so they could learn about Jesus
I have continued for 33 years serving Christ, yet serving alone (without my mate with me).
Thankfully God is sitting with me in that pew and friends are close by and support me, embrace me, and pray for me.
And ladies I will continue to:
- Keep going to church and serve God where HE wants me
- Keep asking my hubby to go with me
- I will keep praying and asking God to open his heart
- I will continue to look for that arm around my shoulder
Let’s pray:
God I pray that any of us who go alone to church without our spouse will stay encouraged, will focus on You and let You do the leading in our marriage. In your name I pray, Amen!
Your assignment:
1. For those who attend church alone please share with us what God showed you that has helped you get through the feeling of loneliness at church without your mate.
2. For those of you that have had your mate with you the whole time in your marriage please give others encouraging words to help us get thru each week sitting in that pew alone.
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For those who may be reading this blog and are interested in joining this Bible study we would love to invite you to join us! The Sign-Up button is located at the top of our website page, in the Menu Bar section. Click on that button and follow the directions. It’s that simple! We hope to see you soon!”
Blessings,
Bev
About Beverly McCormick
This is me exactly. I sit in the last row or don't both to even go. I have prayed for years and years for an improvement in my marriage and my husbands relationship with God and I see nothing. It is often very difficult for me to not be downright mad at God. However, He gives me the strength to not totally fall apart, which is sometimes what I really want to do. God has given me my two greatest blessings in my daughters and I can see Him through them. I truly thank God for that.
Hang in there Mina and be that example for your kids and your husband. Thanks for sharing
Getting ready to visit DH (Darling Hubby)'s sister, the extra blessing is I will get to attend church services with her, a widow. That will be so uplifting.
Heavenly Father, thank you for your love, caring, healing and leading our hearts and lives. Please, please draw near to each of these precious ladies. You know our struggles, our pleas, and our weaknesses. Please help us all to gain more insight to your word and automatically turn to you – focus on you- in all things. Amen
Thanks Cheri for your uplifting prayer for all of us! And I pray you have a wonderful visit
I do go to church by myself and sit very close to the front so I can focus. I don't sit there for this reason but just had a thought, because I too have had those moments in the past of watching other couples, try to sit in the front so you don't have to watch those couples in front of you. It has been a big help for me to give God all the attention because I can easily get off track if I am distracted by those in front of me.
Thanks for sharing Sandi…I too have moved to thr front of church and it does help some with that loneliness feeling…but what I have gained even more is my total attention on hearing from God…
Well I go to church a lot alone more often then not I love the church I go to and they love on me. I serve and pray for many people that God leads me to pray for. I ask my hubby and he will give me more reasons not to go then not. His famous one is that I tired I need to rest or I don't feel good I say ok. Then I say I love you and then I say see you after church, walk out the door and then I head to church. God knows every ones heart so I just pray. May God bless you all and have a blessed week.
Thanks Jenny for sharing…and you are doing exactly as you should…inviting and praying…that is the example we are to give them…..yay Jenny
Love you sweet friend!! 🙂
My situation is a little different, my husband will attend church with me however he feels like he is learning nothing, and me and my kids are going to leave him behind bc we are learning and he is not. He is not a believer but I am so blessed that he does at least attend church with me, and I pray one day the right words will be spoken that hit deep in his heart 🙂
Thanks Amanda for sharing this with us…maybe if your husband is willing to do some devotions or study time at home as a family it will help with that…just start slow and simple and make it a family thing…if not keep praying girl and living Christ in front of him….
Yea he isn't so interested 🙁 but praying I will do! Thanks for the encouragement and the great post. I so know the alone feeling. Even though I am thankful he attends with me, it still seems so lonely bc we can't share, bc he just says he doesn't understand and doesn't try to understand. So I definitely have felt like I was looking around at these other couples saying I want THAT!
Amanda…I am so excited that he is attending with you…try when you can to figure out small ways to incorporate discussions, that is what I do with my husband and I ask questions in the way that gets him interested to talk…but one thing that I noticed…if he is into a show on TV that is not the time I try to get him to interact so you might want to think about that too….I am adding you and your hubbs in my prayer book and Ilook forward to hearing from you in the future as to things changing a bit for you both….thanks girl for sharing with us!
My encouragement would be to continue praying and I know you said he's not interested in devotions but I did find a very nice couples devotional book. I will get the name and post it on here. It is only a 1 pager. A suggestion would be to do it before bed. Maybe just start reading it yourself and ask him if you could share something with him. That's what I do at times with things and then my husband is more acceptable. I hope this helps.
I love what God said to Beverly…"your attention should be on me." He is calling all of you to be the Christian in your husband's lives. Continue to go and know that you do have a love by your side. Jesus himself. 🙂
Thanks Sarah for sharing….and I am SO happy Jesus is by my side because if He wasn't I know I probably would be sitting right at home with hubby!
The only encouragement I know to give is to keep loving your husband as Christ tells you to and be an example, you are his Jesus with skin on. Plus he won't feel like you've replaced himn in your heart with God or church, even though your realtionship with God is special. Keep praying, we serve a faithful God. Hugs to you all and know that we are praying with you!
Thanks Donna for encouraging us to stay faithful….
I'm kind of in the middle. My husband attends with me Sunday mornings and sometimes for special meetings. I'm not 100% sure he is really a Christian. He says he is, but many things just don't add up – that's why I'm here. I attend Sunday nights and Wednesday nights alone. A special lady befriended me and most of the time I sit with her and her husband. When they aren't there, there are a couple other ladies I will sit with; one is a widow and the other divorced. There are other times I end up sitting by myself though, and It does still feel very lonely. "Nobody cares about me" and "I look like a fool" runs through my head, but that's just the enemy talking and trying to get me to give up. It's all lies.
I am, by nature, a very shy and quiet person and it was extremely difficult for me to ask the ladies if I could sit with them. They are glad to have me join them though. There are other single ladies in the church whom I'm sure would be glad to have me join them as well if I ever ask. I think sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone. Sure it's hard, but if you are always last to come to the service, you sit in the back alone and zip out real quick, how are you ever going to meet people and make friends?
Thanks Becky….this was very uplifting to hear your story and yes there are many that would take us in and be our friend…ain't that great! I am also unsure of my husbands salvation….he professes to be…but I am not seeing any fruit producing…so I will continue to live that daily example and praying and hope I will get to see that change before I meet with the Lord!
Becky,
I am there with you. I think my husband is a Christian but not sure that he understands it that much. We just have to keep loving and praying and TRUSTING God.
Although my husband doesn't attend church with me (although he will go about once every few months to appease me), I have been very blessed to have my parents by my side with me every week. I also became involved in Children's Ministry and small groups/bible study that has afforded me some wonderful friends that keep the loneliness from overtaking me. However, I always have that nagging feeling when I see couples worshiping together. Thank you for the reminder that God will take care of our husbands, and we just need to keep our attention on Him.
Thanks Sherrie for sharing with us and for your service in ministries at your church…I don't think our nagging feeling will go away until we see our husbands come with us but it will get easier to cope with as we stay dedicated to service and sharing the gospel and then one day when he walks in with us….we can do the happy praise dance!
Your blog made me teary eyed. I am experiencing this now. Yesterday was 4th time I went alone. We used to go together but 3 yrs ago we stopped going & he recently told me He isn't speaking with God. This has been a struggle for me since I had to find a church to call home. I could have written the first page and a half myself. My grandmothers both attended church alone for as long as I can remember I just never dreamed I would one day be doing the same. It makes me feel sad and lonely. And I just cringe when everyone stands up to greet each other. That is the worst part. I really miss not having my hubby in church with me. Love the thought of Jesus sitting there beside me & your picture of how it will be one day. One day that will be my hubby & I as well
Yes you will walk in one day with your hubby.
Thanks for sharing and yes I am praying that same thing for you to girl….that you will be there again arm in arm…stay dedicated to going and be that Godly example…God will bless you and in turn your marriage will blessed!
Wow. How transparent my friend!!! I have my husband going to church but that's where it ends. He isn't the spiritual leader that I dreamed he would be. In fact he and I have never prayed together. There. I said it. So freeing to write those words. He hasn't prayed with my children and yes it's disappointing as my own daddy prayed every night with me til I got married. But I'm still praying about it and lifting hubby up to God and I'm praying with my children and answering their questions. We don't agree on media either but God can change this. Thanks again.
Thanks Kim for sharing this….this is also my life too….I could only share so much in this blog today because as I was typing it my heart was breaking to write this all out but it is freeing to put it out there and allow all you sweet ladies to give encouragment and help to each other as it sounds like it was for you as well…..keep stepping out to be the Godly leader and when your hubby is ready…then step back and let him take the reigns! Praying for you sister!
Oh girl I am right there with ya! Keep doing what you are doing 🙂 Pray pray pray
I am so blessed to read your comments Ladies. I see many hearts reaching out to find HOPE in a spiritually mismatched marriage! Our God is an awesome God, and He CAN do ALL things! I believe with all my heart that if WE focus on OUR relationship with Him, and let GOD do the work in our husbands, we will see answers to our prayers! Philippians 1:6 — 6 being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you WILL carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Amen Christi! Let go and Let God! That is our answer!
I got to church by myself (as far my marriage is concerned) every week myself. However, God has recently be moving in my mightily regarding focus. I have been learning where my focus needs to be the minute I walk in those doors and where it needs to remain when I walk out. I used to look at others and see what I wanted. I watched others during worship and wondered if they were watching me. But God has opened my eyes and my heart to Him, and to be honest He has freed me. My focus is only on Him and I hope that you too can get to that point. I no longer watch anyone else and am not burdened by what I see around me. I am there to worship Him and Him alone. Don't get me wrong. I am here to pray for and learn how to be a better wife and hopefully win my husband over to Him through this, but please never let those around you rob you from your relationship to God. He is there for you every time you come into His presence.
Great words of wisdom, Dora!! Praying for ya Sister!
Thanks for sharing and encouraging all of us Dora!
I go alone, and i felt alone oh so often but recently various people have randomly told me how proud they are that i come alone and that they pray for my husband's salvation often and they look forward to the day they see him walk down during the offer time. I try to take comfort in that, knowing its not about me and my loneliness…. I am not alone in Jesus. But my spouse is the one truly alone.
Oh Ashley, it feels so good to know that others are praying WITH you, doesn't it!!! 🙂
Thanks for sharing Ashley and YAY that you are not alone…You got our Lord sitting with you! yeah! I will pray for your hubby!
I to can relate to all the details and emotional things in the book, in your blog etc. My church attendance through the years have been sporadic. Some blame to this very thing of going to church alone. I used to have a pity party, cry all the way to church etc. My hubby isn't walking with God but he is also an over the road truck driver so either way I attend alone. I can relate to the not going at all-like a two year old throwing a temp tantrum. Fine if he won't go then I won't go—alot of good that does and doesn't solve anything at all. I have been on the asking and asking side if he will go and that didn't get me anywhere either. Usually seemed to just cause tension. Now I just ask occasionally but always affirming that I would love for him to go with me at any time and that it's an open invitation. I have found that the less I ask the more he is open to go. I to am guilty of the rushing to my seat, usually looking busy with the bulletin or something else. And am quick to rush out the door. Not all do to being alone because I have other issues to deal with as well. But the majority of it is so. I never feel like I fit in either. Church functions etc. I am married but feel single in that aspect. I don't attend the married/couple things cause I would be alone. But I don't fit in the single group either because I am married. So, I just feel like I am alone. Through the years I have learned to re-think things. Why am I going? To worship and praise God. So, instead of thinking all the way there I wish my hubby would go(although I do still think it some). I am eager to worship and praise God. To hear the message and to be charged up with the word and the strength of being in numbers. Learning that I am never truly alone. Satan would like me to think that but God has a different plan. He is with me no matter what, no matter where. And I am not alone at church either. There are 50 or 100 others at church and in numbers we will praise and we will conquer Satan…I also hope that maybe through showing up and not having a pity party, being there with a smile on my face might encourage another lady that they too can keep with this journey until the day that our husbands will walk in the church with us and lead our families in our walks… 🙂
Thank your for sharing Michelle!! satan is nothing but a liar! We are never alone!! Praying for you girlfriend!
Michelle,
Your words, " And I am not alone at church either. There are 50 or 100 others at church and in numbers we will praise and we will conquer Satan…I also hope that maybe through showing up and not having a pity party, being there with a smile on my face might encourage another lady " touch me … as we're not alone, God is with us & so are all the other attendees, conquering Satan!!
I need that reminder as we just moved & harder to get out to our church as its now further away…
Hugs, Heather
Michelle thanks for sharing your heart…stay committed and live that example no matter what!…I am praying for you!
My husband and i have struggled with this for years but now i dont ask anymore. He has gone off and on for 29 years but our church was the straw that broke the camels back. He was treated badly as was our whole family… Cant wait to start the book. I havent got it yet
Angie, thanks for sharing with us…as we all know there are issues in all churches but don't let that hold you back…keep going…keep serving…keep being an example to your hubby and God will bless your obedience!
Though my purpose for doing this study is because of my daughter who is unequally yoked, I have had my share of the experience from a previous marriage. I'm praying to glean insights that I can pass on to my daughter as well as possibly pass on the book 🙂 She lives with an intellectual control freak; full of anxiety and fear. And though I believe she loves him, his behavior is infecting the children. I am not allowed to bring Jesus into their home as the grandparent and believe me that is seriously tough to do. I live a long way away so it is only a several times per year issue. How does one answer questions from a 6 yr old about death and eternity w/o Jesus??? WOW! They are going to have serious issues. I simply have to shower him with the love, grace and mercy of our Lord and pray for the Holy Spirit to awaken him (the husband). And in the meantime, set my daughter free to be the Christian and go to church if she so desires.
Thanks for sharing this Martha….I have this issue with my brother and his family….but I decided years ago that I am going to speak Jesus to his children no matter what he says….I prayed to God about it and God showed me do it girl because right now that is the only words of Jesus they are getting…so that's what I do when we go to visit them…they live about 7 hours from me…and my brother is extremely hard nosed…even this past July he told me I could take myself back to SC if I didn't like what he had to say….I sat there looked at him…cried on the inside but stood my ground and allowed God to let me keep going strong….I will be praying for you as you do this Bible study so you can use what God brings us all to minister to our daughter and I will be praying for their family!
Thank-you so much Bev!
A side note… my SIL forbids any conversation about God, Jesus, the Lord. If I were to bring it up with the kids I would be banded from their home. So he prayers need to be against his control and for a softening of his heart.
Definitely don't want that to happen…God I pray for Martha Lord that you powerfully intervene in her SIL's heart and help him to see his need for YOU…and God I pray that you use Martha as a witness and a voice to reach his heart…in your name I pray..Amen!
I still feel lonely sitting in church, however I just try to focus more on worshipping than my loneliness. I also have my 2 girls with me and they love the singing so again we just focus on that. I will, occasionally, go sit with other women who are also there alone.
Thanks for sharing Tami. It is still hard for me too…but with Jesus sitting beside us we are complete…and one day when our family is all there together that means the circle will be knit together. Hang in there girl and live out Christ in you! I will pray for your family!
I actually just started attending church in May 2012. I have not been in over 14 yrs. I have asked my significant other to go with me only a few times. This is a small church plant in a home. I myself have struggled with my faith for those 14 years, so I understand his hesitation in even going.
I do have a strong faith and feel strong about my salvation. This book has taught me to not "nag" him into going, but rather but my mans belief & salvation in God's hands.
Thanks for sharing with us Sherry, I agree nagging doesn't do anything but make things usually worse…we just gotta love em' into it by our examples and one day they will fall in love with HIM like we have and wanna be a part of worshipping and serving in that wonderful word I am beginning to love with this study…"together"…praying for you!
I also know what it's like to have your spouse not go to church with you and then you hear about all the fun "couples" activities going on and you miss out on being involved because he wouldn't go to the activities. That was such a hard time during that marriage which ended in divorce 17yrs ago. I just kept going to church by myself (with the kids) and believing God would save him but that didn't happen until years after our divorce that he accepted the Lord. I remarried 4 yrs ago and I have been blessed with a man who loves the Lord with all his heart and we do attend church together. I encourage women to remain faithful to the house of God even when your spouse doesn't go to church with you. The husbands….they notice and see how faithful their wives are to the house of God and one day….they will surrender their hearts to the Lord and they will attend church with them. Beverly….thank you for sharing your heart. I'm praying for your husband's salvation. You have been so faithful and God will richly bless and reward you and I believe your husband will surrender his heart and life to the Lord. Thank you for an awesome blog this morning <3
Lannette thanks so much for sharing and the encouragement
Wow – I enjoyed this first chapter but what I enjoyed most was the honesty. I serve The Lord with all my heart & I enjoy completely Sunday services AM & PM then Wednesday Bible study. When our marriage came back together Hector attended Sunday service with me. His work hour did not allow him to do anymore but then he stopped. It was after the Holy Spirit hit him hard during a worship song – Matt Redman 10,000 Reasons. I know my God and I understand Hector's heart. I trust that God is doing a work in him as one day we will stand together and serve him. Until then I refuse to sit in the back I chose to sit somewhere where I can minister to others and they can minister to me, too.
Amen Anne thanks for your commitment
I felt your heartbeat, Beverly, in this post. It is a decision we all must make as you did to keep on, keeping on until his arms are around us. Thank you.
Thanks Martha for sharing. And I will be like the energizer bunny going and going until one day I go WITH him. Have a blessed day Martha!
awh precious Bev! So glad you did the first blog! I have read this book and LOVE it. I too am the woman who walks into church week after week without her husband – and in my case has a husband that believes but does not follow – his life revolves around him and God may be present but you'd never know it. I still am sad every week at church – I worship my God and I believe He is going to rectifiy this in time – if I continue to live for Him and grow my life for Him – my husband will see my life and want it for himself – this I truly believe!!!! So although I am sad, I don't dwell – I think the sad is just the human, fleshly side of me – and that's okay….no way to get away from that – we're built like that. However, ladies, just keep living your life for our Heavenly Father and give your husband up to Him to do that work. We can't win our husbands over for Christ – so we need not try. Just love them and pray over them – but let God do the work. When we nag and complain about them not attending, we just push them farther away. It has to be about US and our relationship with Christ – He's got our hubby's. I have total faith. Thanks Bev for your heart – for letting us know we are not alone. I love your faith and your walk with God and all the work you do to bring glory to our Father. HUGS XOXOXO
Thanks so much Kelley for your lift of encouragement this morning and know I am continuing to pray as God is leading you in your new work He has planned for you!!!!
I started to go to my church prior to meeting my husband. My church is small and has a family feel to it. When my husband and I started dating, he went with me. More to impress me and be with me more than anything else. He was raised catholic and has a VERY bad taste in his mouth because of this. I had to leave my church because we moved to a different state. I still visit my old church the most that I can and listen to his sermons as they are sent via email to me. I have yet to find a church that I feel comfortable in here in Arizona. I truly don't mind going alone or believing alone. It is my choice to believe in god and prayer. You cannot make someone do something they do not believe in. Once in a while, I get a glimpse of his belief slowly shifting. But time and evidence is all that it will take. And I have the patience.
Thanks for sharing with us Sandra…and you are right we must give it time and much prayer and leave it with God. Keep showing Christ daily and every once and a while ask him to accompany you so that he knows this is important to you. God will bless your commitment to him! I will be praying for God to lead you to a special church so you can serve and I will pray for you and hubby to "come together united in Him".
Thanks so much for sharing from your heart Beverly. With having a husband who has committed his life to Chirst, I can't imagine what it is like for you.
I would never give up praying every single day, that God to work in his life that he would give his life up to him and start worshipping and sharing God together with you.. I will continue to pray as well for you and him.
Thanks so much PC…and praying is what gets me through and plus being able to share with my best friend! Thanks for your prayers!
Sandi, that's me as well. Row four. Left hand side. I love how she wrote " why are you looking at others, when you should be focused on me”…That really spoke to me. I also need to let go of tge fact that people may be watching me towards the front. I want to raise my hands towards heaven more but I need to let go of what others may think of me.
I guess you could say I attend church alone, even though my spouse sits besides me, he sometimes falls asleep( very embarrassing for me) or he just looks around, and if he does pick up a bible in the pew, because he never brings one anymore, he never follows what the pastor is preaching about. His attitude is " I know the Bible, I studied it for years, I don't need to study it anymore" So, you see why I'm doing this Bible study.
Thanks Angie for sharing today…keep that chin up my sister and lifting those prayers and one day the two of you will be cuddled up studying Gods Word together…that is what I am praying for you both. Have a great day!