November 5, 2024

Captivating: Chapter 10 – “Awkward Love” – “An Open Hand” (pp 183-187)

As we have seen, intimacy is not only an issue when dealing with relationships between men and women, but just as equally between women.  Friendships can go through the same challenges as any other relationship.  There are expectations, hurts, dependencies, and disappointments.  It is how we deal with these challenges that will determine the strength of your friendship.

Communication is essential in any successful relationship.  This isn’t always easy.  If you are like me you may not like to “rock the boat.”  It is easier to not say anything than to lovingly confront your friend.  While that may be a temporary band-aid that will cover the issues, it will inevitably lead to an infectious resentment or hurt.  As many, if not all of us, can relate, if we don’t talk about an issue when it first comes up, chances are that it will come out later in a more explosive, less loving manner.  That doesn’t serve any relationship well.  Talk, repent and forgive.  Love like Jesus.

“In your relationships with one another have the same mindset as Christ Jesus” 

Philippians 2:5

Another important aspect of a successful relationship is your own personal security of your identity in Christ.  I definitely saw myself in the examples given by the author of this book in comparing our “fallen” selves to our “redeemed” selves.

Fallen women want people to come through for them.  Redeemed women knows Christ has come through for them, and are more free to give of themselves and “put themselves out there.

Fallen women have been hurt so they withdraw from relationship to avoid further pain. Redeemed women know they are valuable and secure in the Lord, so they are able to be vulnerable.

fallen women

I don’t know about you, but I thank God I am redeemed!  This, for me, was the ultimate “take away” from this section. No matter what we do, no matter the relationship, when we do it with the prompting and guidance of the Holy Spirt, and we do our best to love others like Jesus loves us, we can’t help but find the intimacy we long for.  It won’t always be easy, but it will be worth it.  God is so good, and I am so thankful for His faithfulness!

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”   

Proverbs 17:17

LET’S PRAY

Father, thank You.  Thank You for showing us what love is.  Thank You for giving us an example to follow.   Please help us when it is hard for us to face the tough stuff.  Give us Your strength, mercy, and grace as we deal with the relationships that mean so much to us.  Let us rest in the security of Your love, and be free to give that love to others.  In You, this is more than possible.  In Your Heavenly Name we pray. Amen.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT

Friendship is such a great gift! How can you nurture, guard, and fight for your friendships?

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 If you would like to send Michelle a private email in regards to this blog post, you may email her at:  Michelle@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

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GWS

Girls With Swords by Lisa Bevere

Our next online Bible/Book study begins March 24th.  To register, click on the picture above, complete the registration form, and as soon as we receive your registration, we will email you further details.  We hope you will join us!

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Captivating: Chapter 10 – “To Mother” – “My Sister, My Friend” (pgs 176-181)

So, if you don’t already know, I’m single.  I’ve never been married, and I don’t have any children.  Furthermore, if you know me at all, you know that little kids fascinate me.  I’m one of those creepy people who will stare at your kids just because they always put a smile on my face.  Nothing brings me more joy than when I wave to a little baby and get a great big smile in return.  Children are life in its most simple, pure, and innocent form.

Deep down, beyond all the outward fascination, I struggle with jealousy.  Oftentimes, I watch a mother take her toddler’s hand to “go find a book to read before bed tonight,” and I get jealous.  I want that.  I want to take a little mini-me and read bedtime stories to her.  I want to watch my son play baseball or score his first goal playing soccer.  I want to get lost in an imaginary world, dress up like a superhero and fly around my living room with my little ones. I want to listen as they try to pronounce words like “popsicle” and “spaghetti.” I want to snuggle with my baby as she falls asleep in my arms.  I want to mother.

When I find the jealousy creeping in, I have to turn it over to God.  He’s faithful, He knows these desires of mine, and I know He will give them to me in His time.  And when it is my turn to mother, I want to encourage my children to live a life from their heart, as our authors state.  I want to encourage them to be the person God has created them to be—nothing more, nothing less.

But, even if you don’t have children of your own, you do have opportunities to mother not only other people’s children, but other people in general.  All you have to do is care about someone, offer a listening ear to that person, and encourage him or her to simply be who God created them to be.  Let the following passage from Philippians resonate in your hearts:

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”  Phillipians 2:1-4 ESV

Count others more significant than yourself? Really? I mean, who does that?

Mothers. Mothers do that.  Or, at least they should do that.  If you haven’t had a mother who sacrificed and loved you the way she should have, I’m sorry.  But there is Someone who has filled her role. There is Someone who counts you more than He counts Himself.  There’s Someone who died to save you from your sin so that you can live forever with Him in Heaven.  That Person is Jesus, and He loves you unconditionally.  I love this quote by Jerry Bridges, a notable Christian author.  It reminds me of a mother’s love for her children:

“God’s unfailing love for us is an objective fact affirmed over and over in the Scriptures. It is true whether we believe it or not. Our doubts do not destroy God’s love, nor does our faith create it. It originates in the very nature of God, who is love, and it flows to us through our union with His beloved Son.” — Jerry Bridges, Christian author

Right in suit with caring more about others than yourself falls our friendships with other women.  Do you have those? How are they? Can you think of a girlfriend who you know would be there for you if you needed someone to talk to, cry to, receive godly advice from, or just goof around with? If you don’t have a friend like that, I encourage you to seek one.  My mother told me that when I was a toddler, she didn’t have many girlfriends.  When I entered preschool, she had been praying for a good friend to come into her life.  God was faithful! Through a fun course of events, He placed another family into my family’s life, and our friendship continues to this day.  Not only did we gain a friendship, but this family led my family closer to God.  Our faith was strengthened through that friendship.

Do you have a friend who causes your relationship with God to deepen?  Does she encourage you to grow and walk closer with Him daily?  If not, I pray you seek, invest, and spend time with godly women in your church, Bible study, or even with this group online!  Proverbs 27:17 reminds us that “iron sharpens iron.”  Do you have an “iron” friend in your life? Friendship with like-minded women is crucial to your spiritual growth, and I’ve seen it create accountability and a safe place in my own life.  If you already have your “iron” friend or two, then don’t forget to nurture those friendships with love and attention.

Praise Him!

Carissa

 

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Let’s Pray:

Heavenly Father, thank You for our innate desires to mother, care for, and encourage those in our lives.  I pray that we will apply these desires in the lives of our children, future families, marriage, friendships, and even acquaintances.  I pray that Your love that dwells in each of us will overflow to those around us.  Father, thank You for the gift of girlfriends and friendships.  Lord, I pray that our friendships will grow as we all seek to know You and serve You better each and every day.  In your Holy Name we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment:

Do you like kids as much as I do? I can’t be the only creeper out there! What does your heart desire with regard to children and a family?  Do you feel the desire to “mother” as our authors discuss?   In the past, what has held you back from forming friendships with other women? How do you plan on changing that for the future?

 

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GWS

Our next Women’s Online Bible/Book study begins March 24th.  

To sign up for this amazing study, click on the picture above, complete the registration form, and we will email you further details.   

We hope you will join us.

Captivating: Chapter 10 – “Our Last Year Together” – “The Cost” (pgs 173-176)

The true repair of a relationship is an indescribable feeling. Some have experienced this and some haven’t; some haven’t had the need to rebuild a relationship on this level. But God will restore a relationship lost through simple miscommunication or deep hurt. The one point that has rang true to me through this entire book has more to do with not what God can do for us.  It has to do with what we will allow Him to do.  He has written in His word that He is capable, willing, and does great and wonderful things in our lives. 

Will we let Him into our lives and hearts and open ourselves to the healing He has ready for us?

I’ve worked as in the hospice field for a little over 3 years now and as a Bereavement Counselor for a little over two. The story in these two sections is one that I have seen many times, and each time it becomes more and more beautiful. The redemption and healing of a relationship is possible. Through some of the most difficult situations and circumstances God will rebuild ties we thought were severed forever. He will mend together the pieces of our heart that we thought were not able to ever be fixed.

“I tell you this story because I want you to know that redemption is possible. Healing is possible. Ask Jesus to bring it to you and it’s yours.”

 

Let’s Pray:

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of healing and restoration that You offer. If any of our hearts are hardened in this area please soften them, Lord. Please open our hearts and eyes to see the work that You want to do in our lives. Help us to bring the relationships in our lives that need healing to You, Lord. Thank You for this precious gift! It is a gift to us and to those we love.

Your Assignment:

Do you have an example of a relationship restored? Journal your story, and if you feel compelled, please share your story with us. Your story may encourage and inspire another.

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GWS

Our next Women’s Online Bible/Book study will begin March 24th!

To join us, click on the picture above and complete the registration form.

Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details!

We hope you will join us!

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 If you are interested in sending a private message to Tonya about this blog, please email her at TonyaEllison@girlfriendscoffeehour.com

Captivating: Chapter 10 Reading Assignment – “Mothers, Daughters and Sisters”

Blessed Sabbath, Ladies!  This week we are going to be talking about our relationships with the women in our lives.  How do they affect our perspective on being captivating?  I am looking forward to finding out.  Here are the reading assignments for the week:

Monday:  Jackie – Mothers, Daughters, Sisters through The Long Road Home

Tuesday:  Tonya – Our Last Year Together through The Cost

Wednesday:  Carissa – To Mother through My Sister, My Friend

Thursday:  Michelle – Awkward Love through An Open Hand

Friday:  Edwina – Weekly Review

LET’S PRAY:

Father, we stand in expectation for what You have for us as we begin week 10. If we are struggling, help us to let our fears go.  We know that the enemy is trying to steal our joy.  We strive to live completely in You and for You.  Show us the lessons we can learn through the women in our lives, and grow us in ways we can’t even imagine.  In Your Name, we pray.  Amen.

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GWS

Our next online Bible study begins March 24th!!

Click on the picture above to sign up for this study!  

Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details.

We hope you will join us!!

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 If you would like to send Michelle a private email in regards to this blog post, you may email her at:  Michelle@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

Captivating: Chapter 9 Weekly Review – “Arousing Adam”

Wow, wow, wow!!!  Has this been an awesome chapter or what? Every week we learn so much from the Eldredge’s!

On Monday, Jackie wrote that although we love the men in our lives with all we have, we cannot answer the question that boggles their minds. This validation of a man’s soul only comes from knowing who he is in Christ. In the same way, a man cannot fill the void that is inside our hearts no matter how much he declares his love for us. Only God Can!

On Tuesday, Tonya confirmed once again that the strength of God is what makes us BEAUTIFUL. The hand of God in our lives is what prepares us for life, it’s what teaches us how to be beautiful, it’s what teaches us how to be good women. God completes us, not men. God needs to be our Number One man, always!

On Wednesday, Carissa asked if we identify with the Emasculating, Desolate or Arousing Woman. What we do need to remember as a woman, is that the men in our lives need us to be their “ezer,” their support, and their strength.  Which woman did you identify with?

On Thursday, Michelle told us that we deserve to be valued, and not every man deserves all of us. We must guard our treasures—physical, emotional, and spiritual—to share with the man that only the Lord provides.

Reading this chapter made me long to be the Arousing Woman. I want to be the woman my husband hates to leave in the morning and can’t wait to return to in the evening. Yes, things happened in our lives that made us feel insecure, hurt, and ugly but, by the grace of God, all that can change. Let us put God first, let Him be our Number One Man, and our relationship with the man in our lives will be what God intended it to be.

Let’s Pray:

Father, thank You for another chance to learn about being Captivating. I pray that we will put You first in our lives, that we will work on our relationship with You first. Amen.

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GWS

Our next online Bible study begins March 24th!

Click on the picture to sign up TODAY!!

 

Captivating: Chapter 9 – “Loving Fallen Men” – “Good Men That Do Not Belong To You” (pp 161-167)

Wow, ladies…I have to say, this section of the chapter really hit close to home in many ways.  And to be honest, part of me started to balk as I was reading this.  “I can’t write about that!  I can’t talk about that!”  or  “I don’t know what to say!”  Of course, I know this is a ploy of the enemy to try to get me to shy away from a difficult topic, so here I humbly sit writing this post for me, as much as every reader out there.  I pray you are blessed.

You Will Find Me

Seek me with all your heart.  How many of us long to have a man who is willing to do just that?  Exactly what does that look like?  And how do we cultivate that in our relationships? This is no easy question.  I believe that we have to walk a delicate line when we are attracted to a man.  In the book John and Stasi state, “Don’t offer everything, but don’t offer nothing.”  How do we know what is too much…not enough?  This is something we cannot do on our own.  This is when we must lean into the arms of Jesus and seek His guidance. Fervently pray for discernment and wisdom when entering into any relationship.

We also need to remember that “don’t offer everything” not only includes the physical, but also the emotional.  I have had some trials in my life, like most of us, and in the past I have found myself spewing forth every detail of my past to someone who, in reality, I barely knew. We have to realize that this isn’t necessary; as with anything else, the reveal should be slow and based on increased intimacy with a man.  When we find ourselves sharing so much so soon, we also have to look at our motivations for doing it.  Are we longing for intimacy so much that we are forcing the issue?  Are we sharing every skeleton in our closet to scare any potential mate away?  Or are we just not using good judgement?

We deserve to be valued, and not every man deserves all of us ladies.  Guard your treasures—physical, emotional, and spiritual—to share with the man the Lord provides.  We cannot avoid this challenge in our journey but, when we trust in our Lord and seek His guidance completely and fully,  the results will all be worth it.  Remember the words in Matthew 6:33 (NLT) – “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.”

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LET’S PRAY:

Father, I ask You to guide us.  You know this journey isn’t an easy one.  It can be so hard to know how much is too much when we delve into the world of dating.  We pray that we always keep You first, because then all that follows will be pure.  Guard our hearts, mind our tongues, and keep us close as we learn to discern Your voice in the chaos.  Thank You for loving us with a love like no other.  In Your Heavenly Name we pray.  Amen.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT:

In which aspect do you find it hardest to find the balance between “not enough” and “too much?”  Is it spiritual?  Physical?  Emotional?  In what ways do you turn to God for guidance?

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GWS

Our next online Bible study begins March 24th!

Click on the picture to sign up TODAY!! 

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 If you would like to send Michelle a private email in regards to this blog post, you may email her at:  Michelle@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

Captivating: Chapter 9 – “Emasculating Women” – “Arousing Women” (pp 158-161)

As I read about each “type” of woman, I attempted to pin myself to one of the three types.

Am I the Emasculating Woman—always trying to be the boss and control my man in order to get my way? Is my heart hard and do I send the message that “I don’t need a man. I can do everything on my own?”

Am I the Desolate Woman—super needy for love and attention because I’m trying to fill the void in my heart that only God can fill? Am I hiding in activities and business to disguise the hurt and desperation I have to be “completed?” Does my desire to “get a man” define me?

Am I the Arousing Woman—strong and confident in who I am in Christ? Am I gentle to the men in my life, encouraging them to fill their role and be the Hero? Do I act in love and beauty and offer it daily?

The truth is I have embodied all of these types of women at some point in my life.  And you probably have, too!

So the question is: which type of woman do you resemble most in your life right now?  How has God changed your heart in the past few months, years, maybe even decades?

Ladies, the men need us.  We’re their “ezer,” their support, and their strength.  What messages are you sending to the men in your life?

I love how our authors condense the Arousing Woman’s role into two simple sentences:

Need him.  And believe in him.

 

Praise Him,

Carissa

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Let’s Pray:

Heavenly Father, we thank You for the men in our lives.  Lord, we lift them up right now, that they will seek You and find who they are in You and only You.  As we walk through this life, let us, as women, demonstrate to our men that we need them, and we support them.  Let us speak life to our men.  Thank You that we are able to do these things because of You.  In Your Name we pray, Amen.

 

Your Assignment:

What does needing a man in a healthy, God-centered way look like?  In what ways can we show the men in our lives that we believe in their abilities and goals?

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GWS

Our next online Bible study begins March 24th!

Click on the picture to sign up TODAY!! 

Captivating: Chapter 9 – “How Does a Woman Love A Man?” – “The Holy Scandalous Women Of The Bible”

Throughout my life I have heard that there are many ways to a man’s heart, many ways to make a man happy. Sex and food being the main two theories or methods, tools, feeding his favorite hobby, or being submissive. I’m sure if a survey were taken it would be found that there are as many answers as there are people polled, and that the answers differ greatly between men and women.

“Femininity is what arouses his masculinity. His strength is what makes a woman yearn to be beautiful.”

”The beauty of a woman is what arouses the strength of a man.” 

The first thought that popped into my head was “hmmm….” But it makes sense, there are many other complimentary relationships in life, this just happens to be a very important one, past the peanut butter to my jelly, past the ink to my printer, it is about a man to his woman and a woman to her man, strength to beauty and beauty to strength.

But what if I’m single. What does that mean for me?

What I write next applies to all women. Before God sends our husband, and even after God has blessed us with the man we are to marry, we need to make Him Number One in our life. The strength of God is what makes us beautiful. The hand of God in our life is what prepares us for life, it’s what teaches us how to be beautiful, it’s what teaches us how to be good women. It’s been said before that a man doesn’t complete us, God completes us. Yes, a man’s strength is what makes a woman yearn to be beautiful, but until that man comes along, and even after he has been placed in our lives, the Number One man needs to be God.

The strongest women in the Bible displayed courage, cunning, and stunning vulnerability.  When we display these characteristics in our relationship with God it will only allow His strength to shine through more.  When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to Him, then our beauty will shine through more.

 

With Love,

Tonya

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Let’s Pray:

Dear Lord,

Beauty is a word strived for by all women, beauty is also one of the things in life that seems impossible to feel at times. But when we allow Your strength to take hold of our life that beauty shines bright; when we are vulnerable to You, Lord, our beauty is magnified because of Your strength. Please prepare us for our husbands by teaching us how to let masculinity and strength shine through because when this takes place our beauty does the same.  In Jesus’ Name we pray. Amen.

Your Assignment:

 “Femininity is what arouses his masculinity. His strength is what makes a woman yearn to be beautiful”…”The beauty of a woman is what arouses the strength of a man.”   

What does this mean to you? Or what else stood out to you? Share your thoughts; they may bless someone more than you know.

 

GWS_Slider1

Our next Online Bible Study

“Girls with Swords” by Lisa Bevere begins March 24th.  

To join us for this amazing study, click on the picture above!

Once we receive your registration, we will email you further details!

__________________________________

 If you are interested in sending a private message to Tonya, please email her at TonyaEllison@girlfriendscoffeehour.com

Captivating: Chapter 9 – Arousing Adam – Standing in Love’s Way (pp 148-153)

This is one of those chapters where if I happened to meet with John and Stasi, I would thank them for including this topic.

It’s so easy for us as women to blame the men in our lives for the pain that they have caused us over the years without knowing that they, like us, carry the same wounds. Such blame comes because we have not really gone to the basics to find out why men act the way they do.  It’s only when we understand the issues at play that we will begin to address our hurt.   The truth of the matter is that both men and women have wounds that date back to the time of Adam and Eve and, should we fail to address them, every generation will go through the same things.

There are so many misconceptions about masculinity that we have believed and embraced.  However, looking at our topic today, we can put some of those lies to rest.  Men just like women HURT and as much as they don’t always show this side to us, deep inside they carry childhood wounds.  They may act macho and have an “I don’t care” attitude, but they too have been hurt by their fathers who were also struggling with the same issues and did not know how to reach out to their sons.

How do we expect little boys who have grown up being told that “boys don’t cry, it shows weakness” to understand and comfort a woman when she is hurt and needs emotional support?  How will such a man relate to you when you want answers to these questions:  “Why won’t he talk to me? Why won’t he commit?  Why is he so angry? Why is he violent?”  The truth of the matter is the boy in him sees this type of emotion as weakness and probably thinks you are needy.

John and Stasi tell us that we won’t begin to understand a man until we understand his Question, his wound and how Adam also fell.  His search for validation is the driving force of his life.  The question that boggles a man’s mind is “Do I have what it takes? Am I the real deal?  Am I a man?”

We may love the men in our lives with everything we have got but we cannot answer this question for them.  This validation of a man’s soul only comes from knowing who he is in Christ.  In the same way, a man cannot fill the void that is inside our hearts no matter how much he declares his love for us.  ONLY GOD CAN.

Let us allow this chapter to help us heal the wounds that have been inflicted on both men and women.  Let us open our hearts and minds to allow God to validate our souls.  Only God can restore our beauty as women and strength to the men who we love and cannot live without.

Our understanding of this topic will help us build loving relationships and help heal the hurt that we have inflicted on one another because of lack of knowledge.  The bible says in Hosea 4:6 “My people perish because of lack of knowledge….”  When I understand what my husband or a boyfriend went through while growing up, it will help me understand why he acts the way he does with me.  Then it’s my job to pray for him, not try to fix him!

Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ went through Calvary in order to restore the relationship that we had with our Heavenly Father.  At Calvary, Jesus bore our sins, including all the misconceptions that are there between men and women.  When He created us as male and female, He did not create us to inflict pain on one another but to love one another, enjoy one another and be One.  However, it is because of the Fall that we were cursed and have to endure the pain and suffering of this fallen world.  Jesus’ death and resurrection was vital for man’s existence because it validates our existence and answers the questions that He alone can answer.  It is through their relationship with Jesus Christ that men and women can truly love another and live in harmony.  I pray that this study will continue to draw us near to Him and, that through Him, we will embrace the relationships that we have with one another.

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LET’S PRAY:

Father, thank You so much for all that You did for us at Calvary through Jesus Christ.  His death gives us purpose and validates our existence on this earth.  It is only when we know You that we can embrace who we are and are able to truly love one another.  Restore in us that which was stolen when Adam and Eve fell.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT:

Ask Jesus to show you what you’ve been doing with your Question and how you have related to Adam.

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If you are interested in sending Jackie a private message in regards to this blog, please email her at: Jackie@GirlfriendsCoffeeHour.com

Captivating: Chapter 9 – “Arousing Adam” (Reading Assignment)

Happy Sabbath Ladies!

This week we will be delving into Chapter 9, Arousing Adam.  This chapter talks about how men’s wounds sometimes cause them to become passive or overly driven and what women should do to encourage men to become the type of men God intends them to be.

Here are our reading assignments for the week:

Monday: Jackie – Arousing Adam – Standing in Love’s Way

Tuesday: Tonya – How Does a Woman Love a Man – The Holy Scandalous Women of the Bible

Wednesday: Carissa – Emasculating Women – Arousing Women

Thursday: Michelle – Loving Fallen Men – Good Men That Do Not Belong to You

Friday: Jackie – Weekly Review

LET’S PRAY

Lord, I ask for Your blessing upon each and every woman in this study.  You know their hearts even better than they do.  Through this study, through this book, and especially through your Word speak to them.  Give them what they need to hear and give them the clarity to recognize it even when it isn’t easy.