There is a cultural, learned pattern in our home the last several years which has been terribly hard to correct. The concept of “stooping beneath” someone else is seen as subservient and undesirable. Pride is prized above personal relationships. Grudges are held until the reason for the anger can no longer be remembered. Stubbornness and pride are not virtues in God’s economy; humbleness and forgiveness are.
My Bible tells me that “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). None of us will get out of this life without making a mistake, hurting someone, needing to ask forgiveness— and through grace and mercy—be restored to a right relationship with the one you hurt. We have only one life to live, so we should learn to live it well. We need to realize our faults and failures before we hold the faults and failures of others up for all to see.
If we consider another person’s feelings above our own, we will not find ourselves with the “wrong motives” Lisa talks about on page 192. It is one thing to be ‘against’ something, but what are we really “FOR?” We have to be devoted to a greater cause than our individual rights and opinions. Lisa says, “Though we are entrusted with a sword of the Spirit, we are not armed to harm.” The Spirit within us will not strike out to harm another person.
The purpose of the Holy Spirit in our lives is to lead, guide, and direct us on the path of right living. The Spirit will reveal the areas in our lives needing to be cut away and pruned so that we may continue to grow in the Lord. Cultivate a soft heart so the work of the Spirit will be quick and less painful. A tender, caring heart is a vessel the Lord can use.
I was stunned at the anger in the heart of a loved one the first time I heard the term “stoop beneath” used. There was hurt and bitterness. Even after hearing the one-sided details of the story she was angry about, I knew there had been wrong on both sides. Neither party was willing to “stoop” to offer an apology or forgiveness. A record of wrongs was being kept and that pattern was taught in the home for many generations. We are still struggling to break down these generational “curses” with unconditional love. The Bible will lead us to a right definition of LOVE in 1 Corinthians 13. Make it your guide as you break down these family curses.
Lisa shares with us, “We do not fight to tear down but to build up. The authority heaven lends to us on earth is to destroy evil by doing good. Just because I have walked with the sword of God’s Word on my hip for more than three decades doesn’t mean I have always worn it well” (pg. 192). When we lift our weapon in anger we leave a wound that needs to heal. Without the soothing balm of forgiveness, the wounds begin to fester and leave scars. Be quick to ask for forgiveness, grant forgiveness, and begin to restore the damaged relationship.
After the lessons on keeping silent last week, it is only fitting that we focus on WHEN we should speak, HOW we should speak, and for WHAT purpose we should speak. In 1 Peter 4:11 we find this bit of wisdom, “If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory and power for ever and ever. AMEN.”
The story Lisa shared about the relationship with her own father struck a chord in my heart. I was emotionally abandoned by my father and I replaced him with God when I was twelve. The new girls in our home were neglected and abandoned by their father and my husband has taken them in. I totally related to the feeling of abandonment…and then of JOY at realizing my God was my Father and He would not leave me or forsake me.
In our family we are all adopted by each other. We choose to be a family and love each other. Our story gets told over and over, but we are still hard for some people to understand. When Lisa shared that God spoke so vividly to her that the rejection by her father was an overwhelming ADOPTION by her Heavenly Father I totally understood. It was at that moment that I released my earthly father from his “duties.” I began to rely on my Heavenly Father for nurturing and support.
Like Lisa, I find comfort in the words of Psalms 45:10-11
“Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear:
Forget your people and your father’s house,
And the king will desire your beauty.
Since he is your lord, bow to him”
Our earthly families are fallible. Our earthly families can hurt us and we can hurt them. We MUST show love like our Heavenly Father and offer forgiveness and restoration wherever possible. Where stubbornness and pride live and flourish, Satan rules. Do not give him a foothold in your life. Keep your heart tender and soft, eager to forgive and be forgiven. We are here to serve each other. Someone will eventually need to “stoop” to show love.
I pray there are more great examples of fathers out there than neglectful ones. We have a choice to show love like our Heavenly Father whether we had a good earthly example or not. Choose today to reflect your Father. It’s worth it.
Let’s Pray:
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for Your faithful love. Thank You for seeing the beauty in my life and leading me in Your ways. I thank You for my earthly father, because through him, I see You more clearly. Today I choose to love others the way You love me. AMEN
About Teresa Bolme
Thank you, Teresa, for sharing today! Your testimony as well as Lisa’s are powerful lessons on forgiveness and restoration.
The quote from Lisa, “…we are devoted to a greater cause than our individual rights and opinions,” goes right along with 1 Peter 4:11. Whatever we speak and however we serve should all be done to the glory of God. Easier said than done except with the presence and help of His Holy Spirit.
With His grace, mercy and love we can offer forgiveness and restoration to others. Thanks for reading and commenting.
g’morning…thank you, teresa, for allowing us to see into your own family’s struggles and successes in this area! just love where you wrote, “We MUST show love like our Heavenly Father and offer forgiveness and restoration wherever possible. Where stubbornness and pride live and flourish, Satan rules. Do not give him a foothold in your life. Keep your heart tender and soft, eager to forgive and be forgiven. We are here to serve each other. Someone will eventually need to “stoop” to show love.” <3
God has made our life an open book for all to see. We have seen pride and stubbornness destroy a family and stunt emotional growth. We are giving God all the glory for putting our family together and sustaining us through the changes.
Teresa, as I read about “stooping,” in your blog, I was reminded of something a pastor used to say: “Someone always has to be the mature one in a relationship, and step up to the plate.” Little things lead to big things if not taken care of. Good points today.
So true, Martha, Jesus was the first to stoop to wash the feet of His disciples as an example to all of us. If Jesus can bend His knee to serve a neighbor, so can I.
You said: “Cultivate a soft heart so the work of the Spirit will be quick and less painful. A tender, caring heart is a vessel the Lord can use”. I know for myself, I hung onto the pain of unforgiveness for many many years. It brought nothing but sorrow, anger, bitterness, nightmares, and hurt. It also brought on the “VICTIM” mentality. The victim mentality showed me that I had a right to be angry and bitter. It showed me the longer I hung onto to the anger and such, the more that person would pay for what they did to me.
That is truly a LIE from Satan who wants to hold us in this awful bondage of unforgiveness for as long as he possibly can. But Jesus said “I have to give you LIFE, and life abundantly”. The enemy comes to give us death. He wants us to walk in that ugliness, to keep us in the sin of unforgiveness. But Jesus said, “No dear one! I want you FREE! I want to break those chains of unforgiveness so that you can see what it is to live life abundantly in grace, and forgiveness!” Whom the Son sets free is free indeed!
We need to drop the victim mentality, and the idea that we have a right to hold onto that ugliness. We do not!! Jesus took all that ugliness upon Himself with each stripe He took upon His back FOR YOU! When He was hanging on the cross breathing His last breath, He did this so that YOU could live a life abundantly filled with His grace, mercy, peace, and forgiveness. He did that so YOUR heart could be set free of the pain, suffering, nightmares, memories, and ugliness of what you went through. He did it for YOU my friend!
As you said Teresa, a tender, caring heart is a vessel the Lord can use. If we get rid of the ugliness in our hearts, God will able to use us to help spread the message of forgiveness to others, so that we can experience their freedom in Christ with them!! THAT is a beautiful thing to witness!!
I’m not speaking this directly to YOU Teresa….just in general. 🙂
Teresa, thank you for sharing your heart today. I love the whole blog, but my favorite part was: After the lessons on keeping silent last week, it is only fitting that we focus on WHEN we should speak, HOW we should speak, and for WHAT purpose we should speak. In 1 Peter 4:11 we find this bit of wisdom, “If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory and power for ever and ever. AMEN.” and the part quoted above by Coleen. Great job!
Teresa and CG my favorite part was WHEN, HOW and WHAT purpose we should speak.
I personally need to pray for the Lord’s wisdom before I speak so I may glorify God. Teresa my father died when I was 19 years old. I was going through nursing school and my loss made me a better nurse and person. When I accepted the Lord at age 24, I NOW had a FATHER that would never leave me. HE filled my loss!!
It’s really hard to mess up when we use the Words of God in our lives (as long as we use it correctly). 🙂 I love the lessons in our guidebook for life.