This is one of those chapters where if I happened to meet with John and Stasi, I would thank them for including this topic.
It’s so easy for us as women to blame the men in our lives for the pain that they have caused us over the years without knowing that they, like us, carry the same wounds. Such blame comes because we have not really gone to the basics to find out why men act the way they do. It’s only when we understand the issues at play that we will begin to address our hurt. The truth of the matter is that both men and women have wounds that date back to the time of Adam and Eve and, should we fail to address them, every generation will go through the same things.
There are so many misconceptions about masculinity that we have believed and embraced. However, looking at our topic today, we can put some of those lies to rest. Men just like women HURT and as much as they don’t always show this side to us, deep inside they carry childhood wounds. They may act macho and have an “I don’t care” attitude, but they too have been hurt by their fathers who were also struggling with the same issues and did not know how to reach out to their sons.
How do we expect little boys who have grown up being told that “boys don’t cry, it shows weakness” to understand and comfort a woman when she is hurt and needs emotional support? How will such a man relate to you when you want answers to these questions: “Why won’t he talk to me? Why won’t he commit? Why is he so angry? Why is he violent?” The truth of the matter is the boy in him sees this type of emotion as weakness and probably thinks you are needy.
John and Stasi tell us that we won’t begin to understand a man until we understand his Question, his wound and how Adam also fell. His search for validation is the driving force of his life. The question that boggles a man’s mind is “Do I have what it takes? Am I the real deal? Am I a man?”
We may love the men in our lives with everything we have got but we cannot answer this question for them. This validation of a man’s soul only comes from knowing who he is in Christ. In the same way, a man cannot fill the void that is inside our hearts no matter how much he declares his love for us. ONLY GOD CAN.
Let us allow this chapter to help us heal the wounds that have been inflicted on both men and women. Let us open our hearts and minds to allow God to validate our souls. Only God can restore our beauty as women and strength to the men who we love and cannot live without.
Our understanding of this topic will help us build loving relationships and help heal the hurt that we have inflicted on one another because of lack of knowledge. The bible says in Hosea 4:6 “My people perish because of lack of knowledge….” When I understand what my husband or a boyfriend went through while growing up, it will help me understand why he acts the way he does with me. Then it’s my job to pray for him, not try to fix him!
Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ went through Calvary in order to restore the relationship that we had with our Heavenly Father. At Calvary, Jesus bore our sins, including all the misconceptions that are there between men and women. When He created us as male and female, He did not create us to inflict pain on one another but to love one another, enjoy one another and be One. However, it is because of the Fall that we were cursed and have to endure the pain and suffering of this fallen world. Jesus’ death and resurrection was vital for man’s existence because it validates our existence and answers the questions that He alone can answer. It is through their relationship with Jesus Christ that men and women can truly love another and live in harmony. I pray that this study will continue to draw us near to Him and, that through Him, we will embrace the relationships that we have with one another.
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LET’S PRAY:
Father, thank You so much for all that You did for us at Calvary through Jesus Christ. His death gives us purpose and validates our existence on this earth. It is only when we know You that we can embrace who we are and are able to truly love one another. Restore in us that which was stolen when Adam and Eve fell. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
YOUR ASSIGNMENT:
Ask Jesus to show you what you’ve been doing with your Question and how you have related to Adam.
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About Jackie Chingawale
aren’t we so thankful for the wonderful ways that God wrote this book through the eldredges?!!! important things to consider this week…and to ask our Lord to help us to process, and to change our hearts, and to approach our brothers-in-Christ with a renewed commitment to unconditionally love them as their (our) Father does! thanks, jackie xo <3
I like how you said pray for them, not try to fix them.