Captivating – Chapter 3: Dominating Women – Desolate Women

I remember the moment like it was yesterday.  I was 8 years old and away from my family for the first time for a week of Kids Camp with my church.  It was one of the best, most memorable times of my childhood.  And the scene that follows left an immeasurable impression on my mind and heart.

While drying my hands in the bathroom, one of the counselors whom I greatly admired and loved, said to me, “Carissa, you’re so cute!” Boom.  The words were spoken, and those words felt so good.  I had a new goal.  I wanted to be “cute” all of the time.  I wanted to feel special, noticed, admired, and loved every day.

But the fact remains: I’m not as “cute” as I once was.  Over the past 17 years of my life, there have been way more “non-cute” comments directed my way.  And so, I’m sitting here, writing to you as a scarred and broken woman.  Because of the Fall, I’m cursed with a longing to be beautiful and irreplaceable. Since the world has shown me more coldness than warmth, I’m guarded.  I know I’m not alone in this either.  My guarded mindset is driven from fear—fear of being vulnerable.  Every woman deals with this fear differently.  The two main methods, pointed out by our authors of this book, are either domination or desolation.

So how do you deal?  Do you play the defense, trying to control your situation and others, sometimes even masking your controlling nature as “caring” for others?  Or are you a wallflower, preferring to be silent and unseen, thus also controlling your situation instead of surrendering it to God?

We must realize that these two attitudes are inspired by fear, a fear that was not sent from God.  Ladies, 1 John 4 affirms that “God is love.” And we know that “perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.”  So if we live in love, then God lives in us and fear has no place to dwell.

So no matter which woman you identify with (either dominating or desolate…or maybe both) and no matter how much you try to control or how well you hide, God knows your heart.  He knows the motives behind everything you do.  He knows every thought, every attitude, every action, and every reaction.

“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account” (Hebrews 4:13).

God wants you to know Him, too.  He wants you to know freedom from your fears and past hurts; He wants you to know the depth of His love for you.  He wants you to know that in His eyes, you are way more than “cute.”  You are beautiful and irreplaceable. He delights in you because you are captivating.

Praise Him,

Carissa

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Let’s Pray
Our beautiful and wonderful Savior, thank You for who You are, thank You for creating us in Your image, thank You for the beauty that you instilled in each woman.  Father, I pray that every day, we will wake to dwell in You because You are love.  I pray against the Evil One and his attacks on our hearts with fear and doubt.  Help us to daily surrender our lives to you – surrender our desires to both control and hide.  Father, we know that we can do all things through You because You are our strength.  In Your precious name we pray, Amen.

Your Assignment
Are you more dominating or desolate?  Can you see how these attitudes stem from fear?  What are some ways we can daily practice to abide in love and thus reveal the beauty within each of us?

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