Quoting Frances Chan, page 56: “If I could choose one word to describe my feelings about God in those first years of being a Christian, it would be fear. Basically, any verses that described His overwhelming greatness or His wrath were easy for me to relate to because I feared my own father.” However, Chan stated on page 55 that his relationship with God took a major turn when he became a father himself. The words he now uses are reverent intimacy.
Personally, I am so grateful I never experienced the fear of my father. I knew my daddy loved me, even when he disciplined me, and I have never doubted God’s love for me. However, there came a time in my life that I experienced what Christian counselor and psychologist, Robert McGee, refers to as blocked development, which began to affect my relationship with God.
In his book, You and Your Parents, McGee points out that a child goes through 4 stages of emotional development, each stage serving as a foundation for the next.
- Bonding (birth – 2) The need to be loved: Its purpose is to convey feelings of love, value, worth, closeness, and trust.
- Separateness (2-11) The need to set personal boundaries: This is what I feel, I don’t feel that way; I believe this, I don’t believe that.
- Adolescence (11-18) The need to develop adult behavior and identity: What am I good at doing and not good at doing. What are good and unwise choices.
- Maturity (19 & older) The need to continue growing in adult behavior and identity: Learn how little we really know, and how much more we have to learn.
McGhee says that based on the type of parental modeling a child encounters starting at birth, the child could become blocked and not progress to the next stage. When that happens, the child’s emotional, relational, as we as hi spiritual, development remains at whatever stage he became blocked in.
Hang with me while I give a personal example that bears this teaching out. As I said, I never doubted how much my dad loved me as a child. Certainly, I had bonded with my dad and it transferred over to knowing God loved me unconditionally.
However, once I reached the next stage called a separateness, that’s when problems started, although I didn’t know this as a child. In both my parents’ efforts to shield and protect me from “life,” they were unable to find a balance between advising and guiding while at the same time giving me some freedom to begin forming my own thoughts and beliefs.
Added to that was my own personality type, which could be described as laid back, don’t rock the boat, desires peace and harmony at all cost.
The result of these two scenarios combined were: I became a cripple at making decisions on my own and had no confidence in myself. In short, I lost my identity and became a puppet on a string in my adult life trying to please everyone with whom I interacted.
I began to sense the emotional strain this was having on me, but did not realize that it had actually affected my relationship with God until He began to lead me down a totally new path in my life—a path that would require a major transition.
Fear gripped me. I was afraid of trusting my own heart. I was afraid of making a decision…something I had never done as a child nor as a grown woman. Up until this time, I had allowed others to think, feel, and make decisions for me.
However, after months of prayer in trying to make a decision to follow the path I felt God was leading me down, these Scriptures literally leaped off the pages of the Bible to me:
- For do I now persuade men or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)
- These are the commands, decrees, and regulations that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you. You must obey them in the land you are about to enter and occupy, and you and your children and grandchildren must fear (reverence) the Lord your God as long as you live. If you obey all his decrees and commands, you will enjoy a long life. (Deuteronomy 6:1-2)
A peace settled over me, and I knew it was God that I should be concerned about pleasing. And with that, I began walking in obedience to His call on my life. “He’s the BOSS.”
And that chapter in my life was my testing time in learning what Reverent Intimacy or the Reverence of God means. Mr. Chan learned it when his own children were born. I learned it when I was put in a position to make a decision to wholeheartedly follow God’s leading. My life has never been the same.
Be blessed,
Martha
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Let’s Pray:
Father God, thank You for Your unconditional love for us. May we put aside anything that has hindered us from being intimate with You. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
Your Assignment:
What does reverent intimacy mean to you? Share your experience of coming to this place.
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About Martha Bush
perhaps THE most important heart-attitude to have! growing up, our family went to church that was part of a denomination that focused on the "fear" factor. then, in my mid-twenties, when i committed my life to Jesus my Lord, the church where i fellowshipped focused on having a 'daddy' relationship with our heavenly Father. but i believe that both of those perspectives are flawed. one really good example of having a REVERENT INTIMACY with God is moses. i think about moses' conversations (intimacy) with Almighty God leading up to God instructing him in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 33, 34). moses definitely had a beautiful, tender, intimate relationship with his God…but it was cloaked with reverence and awe. the Psalmist, king david had the same relationship with Almighty God, too! and we can, too…God wants that relationship with us! <3
Coleen, I, too, was brought up in church that focused on the fear factor. What a difference it made in my early twenties to hear coming from the pulpit of another church, "Jesus loves you. Draw near to Him, and He will draw near to you." That's when I asked Jesus into my heart. I
Oh Martha… this is sooo good! Wonderful post today! I love Coleen's example of Moses and I must say that i learned this intimacy through seeing it walked out in real life by a close friend. I never knew it was possible before then <3
Megan, isn't it wonderful how God meets us at the point of our need. I believe we are going to see today that regardless of our background, we can come into that intimacy that Chan is talking about.
I love that term "reverent intimacy." I think there is a fine balance between intimacy and reverent. I believe from my earliest childhood this was instilled in my life for my parents and for God. I don't want to be too casual with God but I also don't want to fear God in the fearful sort of way. I want to love Him deeply and revere Him above all else!
Clella, I think you may have hit upon something with the difference between the two phrases. Good thought
I could have written that passage today from Mr. Chan. I was raised in a church that taught the fear of God, and I certainly did fear God. Then when I was in my 20s, I came to know Jesus as my Savior and Lord. I would say that "fear" did change in my life to a "reverent intimacy", as well. I still walk in that place of reverent intimacy by the grace of God. I never want to lose that! He is to be revered!
Patty, I, too, was raised in that type of church. I can remember many nights riding home from church silently praying in the backseat of the car, "Lord, please don't let my daddy have a wreck. I am not saved; I don't want to go to hell." That was stemming from the fear that I had just experienced. So thankful all that changed for me, as it did you.
It is my hearts desire to come to this place! This is not something that I have truly experienced yet, but God is working!!!
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Melissa, God sees your heart; that is what counts.
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Amen Martha!!